Today I had a huge revelation.
I don’t realize this but at times I feel pressured to be something I’m not because some people use financial contribution to manipulate or force me to be something I’m not.
In the beginning of ministry, when I was in Bali- a Christian wrote me and asked me several questions. How much do you spend per month, how do you know it is God speaking to you, etc. He said by knowing these things he would be more knowledgeable about how he and his wife could support me.
At first I replied thinking, wow- this guy and his wife wants to support me and contribute to what I’m doing.
But then after he said that God told him to observe what I’m doing.
I doubt that God told him to micro manage me. When God says to people – watch and learn, He is not saying “micromanage her and find out the how’s”…He is saying “watch how she steps out in faith without knowing how”.
That is how I’ve lived in the last year and even before that.
After quitting my job in 2011 I never really knew how God would provide exactly since I was freelancing and even picking up bottles to recycle…
But I heard His voice and His voice would lead me continually into the unknown.
So when God tells you to give to my ministry, He wants you to be connected to a faith that continues to step out without knowing how.
I have many people trying to micromanage me or hoping that they know everything about anything, but the truth is – I don’t even know where I’m staying tomorrow but God just says go.
That’s how I live now.
I don’t have my ducks in a row, I just get on the bus.
Sometimes I don’t know how the charge went through on my debit card but days like this, because of the weekend, I’m amazed that a lot of pending charges haven’t gone through and I can use it freely.
I live in a dimension of life that most don’t understand.
Why would a Buddhist/atheist at a bus stop donate $100 after telling him my testimony? I don’t know. God moved His heart. He said he donates to homeless people and I asked if he would donate to me. He said yes of course, a woman on her own, it’s incredible he said.
Why would a cashier just tell me he never met his dad? To a customer like me? So that I could give him my contact info and most likely meet with him after…I told him that I didn’t see my dad for 10 years and that I understood.
People think by understanding everything I’m doing that I’ve qualified under their list of qualifications to receive their financial support, but I don’t need it.
Not if I’m going to be scrutinized and manipulated.
God’s provision and blessing does not need human qualifications. I’m qualified by Jesus’ blood alone and I don’t need to bend and break for peoples’ approval- Christians or non-Christians.
If I’m outcasted by the majority of Christians I’m okay with that. I’m approved if by God, not man.
Why would God use a young woman like me? Jesus’ blood qualified me, not my education or ordained position at a church. Not my title as a pastor or prophet, not my smarts or eloquent words…I’m qualified by Jesus’ sacrifice!
Nothing else. Not by how much I read the Bible or how much I pray, not by church attendance or how much I love people.
And what continues to gain my access and provision is my choice to believe it’s by His finished work and not by my works!
If you give you give because Jesus gave it to you, not because you feel obligated to. You’re free to do whatever you want!
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Chinese man at the Airbnb I stayed at