Prophetic Word- Let Go of Control & Trust Me

PROPHETIC WORD –

LET GO OF CONTROL AND TRUST ME!

Whenever we make SOMETHING, SOMEONE a “need”, we are living out of a spirit of lack, we don’t believe we are enough RIGHT NOW. 

1. Witchcraft stems from fear, which makes you try to control the future through any means (holding onto what you can control, holding onto things God told you to let go, trying to make things happen in your flesh, holding onto a past word and not being present).

2. When we are afraid to take risks, it’s because we are afraid to let go of control, it stems from fear.

3. Relationship with God vs. Witchcraft (trying to make things happen through your flesh)

YOU’RE A CHILD OF GOD, YOU ARE SPECIAL IN MY EYES! YOU ARE ENOUGH AND NOT LACKING!

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How To Deal With A Guilt-Tripping Mother

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New conversation with God added-

God– she’s not your responsibility

Me– it feels really heartless to leave her when I know she’s in need of care and love

God– only I can give her what she needs

Me– but what if she’s not going to you for it.

God– she will when you get out of the way.

As you know I talk about my mother a lot. She doesn’t like me writing about her but I feel like it helps people. Of course I don’t let her read them. A writer vows to tell the truth at all times, so here’s my truth.

I’ve included a video to help you.

It’s the holidays, how many people are guilt tripped to do what they DON’T WANT.

Questions to ask yourself-

  1. What season am I in? A season of rest, work, or healing? Your priority isn’t to live for someone else but to live for God and what God has told you. So if your priority isn’t to please your mother or family right now, it’s important to set boundaries and not succumb to spending every second with them.
  2. Whenever someone ask you to do something, walk outside and ask yourself if it’s something you want to do or if God has called you to it?

How to Deal with Guilt-tripping mothers or people-

1. Do not submit to what they ask of you out of guilt!

2. Explain why you don’t want to do what they ask of you. Don’t get angry back, just explain.

3. Keep NOT SUBMITTING

4. Be able to have a real talk with them about how it makes you FEEL when they do specific things like give you the SILENT treatment. “It makes me feel guilty when you don’t talk to me, you have to tell me how you’re actually feeling, can you communicate honestly with me?”

5. ASK them what they are feeling. Even if they yell eventually they will break and tell you what they’re ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH. Maybe they are afraid of the unknown, they are unsure about their life right now, maybe they are scared of being unemployed right now, or they have personal fears they are not letting you know about. 

How people act towards you usually has nothing to do with you.

People have issues, people get triggered.

Now say out loud-

I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there’s no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

Things you NEED TO KNOW-

  1. It’s NOT YOUR FAULT IF someone is mad at you.
  2. If someone holds a grudge, it’s also not your fault. Because if you apologize, they may still hold that grudge.
  3. You are doing the BEST YOU CAN. Now it’s another issue if you never admit fault.
  4. YOU ARE NOT CREATED TO LIVE FOR or PLEASE YOUR MOTHER, FATHER, FRIEND or EVEN HUSBAND/WIFE! 
  5. There is a responsibility to TAKE CARE OF YOUR EMOTIONS or GO TO GOD for emotional support. Then there is going to people and telling them WHAT YOU NEED from them. 

a. For example I like to be loved this way- touch, texting, calling, gifts, spending time, etc.

b. Express what you need….I need alone time.

c. Ask what they need to feel loved.

6. COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING! And finally YOU CANNOT FULFILL EVERY DESIRE AND NEED SOMEONE HAS, only GOD can! Be okay releasing them to God for what only God can do for someone! 

Prayer- God today I release that person into your care and love. I cannot love them the way you can. I release all control of their heart to you. I release my anxieties to you as well. I am not in control. Only you can love them the way they need to be loved. It is NOT my responsibility to take care of them, it is yours God.

It’s important that you don’t become the person someone relies on all the time, because then you take the place of God in their lives.

Consider giving to this ministry this Christmas! That people may be set from from guilt and condemnation through the materials I produce on Spotify, this blog and digital content. Thank you!

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You

Prophetic Word – Break Off The Fear Of Lack

God spoke such a convicting word to me today.

He said –

“People pray for things but it’s because if they get it they won’t need me and it will add to their worth, which they think is lacking right now“.

And that’s a lie because Jesus’ sacrifice made you whole on the cross. So when God sees you He only sees Jesus, whole and unblemished.

Our prayers should be “the lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing”. That’s what I kept decreeing when I was on an island in Vietnam and didn’t know I was going to survive or even get off the island. I had less than $20 left. I was crying and really afraid. But I said God you said you are my shepherd and I lack nothing. That’s my reality.

When I was eating outside a man came by and later came back. I didn’t tell him my situation exactly but I told him I was being led by the spirit and doing it by faith. He turned out to be a believer and said he wanted to give. He was actually not wanting to withdraw money again because of atm fees, but God was really testing his trust in Him. He had a fear of lack and God sent me to show Him trust.

Our prayers shouldn’t be “God give us more money. It should be God I lack nothing, continue being my provider”.

I have a strong anointing to break off the “identity of lack” because I lacked all things in the natural. I followed the Holy Spirit to pastor lost sheep and didn’t even have enough money to pay for a hostel. God led me to where I needed to go as He told me to ask specific people on the road for help.

One guy at Macdonald’s made me feel ashamed for asking for help and I started crying.

God I am so ashamed.

I was so intimidated.

He said to me- “Do you know you are priestly royalty? And you are asking for his sake, not yours? Because he has a heart of stone and is not willing to bend? His heart has been closed for a long time and by asking you are (Jesus) knocking at his heart. Will you open and let me in? – I am saying to him”.

My job is hard as a prophet, I felt less than because of how the man responded. But God showed me again and again, you are my child. You’re my prophet. Don’t look at your circumstances, you are breaking hard spiritual ground. It was in a city in New Zealand where the youth I met at Macdonald’s told me it was highly racist and a stingy city. They were very judgemental there and didn’t like foreigners, yet it was a very religious city too.

The religious spirit was evident there as the man who intimidated me was a Lutheran. He looked down on me and asked if I always ask people for money. He was well dressed, but his wife wanted to help. She looked at him for approval and permission.

She was under control too. She was not free.

He kept saying no but finally she went to the car to look for change and when she came back and saw me crying, she said she would get more but never came back.

His controlling spirit changed her mind.

But remember God was specific about who to ask, because He knew what was going on inside of them. Remember this does not apply to everyone.

That’s why when God tells me to ask strangers it’s usually an indication of where they are spiritually. One time He told me to ask a group of Buddhists in India and they all started laughing at me. Why does an american need an Indian’s donation?

God said don’t leave until they give.

The only one that was open to Jesus gave me $1.

How willing are you to give into the spirit of fear and intimidation and give up on peoples’ hearts. God is building a I won’t leave until this thing breaks spirit.

God did not tell me to start asking people for donations until I was really ready to, because it takes a lot of supernatural courage to do it.

But the places where there is the most poverty is where God actually uses giving as a way to break off the spiritual stronghold of lack in that city or country.

Those who think they are lacking need to give to break off the spirit of lack.

One time I asked a homeless man for a donation, I placed a penny next to him. He said I have nothing to give. I said here’s a penny. I said you look at yourself and think you have nothing to give to the world but you are not lacking anything because of Jesus‘ sacrifice. Then God told me to give to him.

Sometimes I’ll ask someone for a donation and they will say I have nothing to give. Then I’ll say do you have $1? Then you have something and you are not lacking.

I was on an Uber ride and prayed and prophesied over a man. He said his dad died 10 years ago. He was grateful that God answered His prayers of sending someone to minister to him. God said to ask him for a donation and he said I don’t have any cash.

All of a sudden he said here. It was $10. Representing the prophetic word- he will restore the years the locust has taken away from you- the 10 years since his father died.

People think –

If only I get a perfect body, I’ll be whole. If I get my husband or wife, I’ll be happy. If I get a new place, I’ll be whole. If I get more money I won’t need to rely on God and I won’t feel like I’m lacking. If I just walk into my promises, I’ll know God loves me.

But all of that is actually a spirit of lack lying to you. It causes you to look at your circumstances (condition of your body, possessions, bank account, relationships, self) versus your identity as a child of God, reigning over this earth and having dominion over all things.

You are enough and you are not lacking. You don’t have to become more anything. You can rest in God’s perfect grace for you.

A sheep trust her shepherd (Jesus) to feed her and lead her, someone who relies on money has no shepherd or father.

I’m reminded when I was on the road and needed food or needed to know where he was leading me to sleep he always told me where and how. He often did not tell me where I was supposed to go until the day of because I wasn’t reliant on the plans but on God Himself. Was it scary? Yes. I had to pray against fear everyday. I also didn’t have someone next to me to talk to everyday but God always led me to other brothers and sisters as well and He gave me times of rest.

So it wasn’t MONEY I needed but his VOICE.

That’s why it says A psalm of David.

The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

God does not want us to be self reliant or be in control. He wants us to be a sheep that trusts Him completely to protect us.

When we look at our shortcoming, we always feel lacking but when we look to Christ who is perfect and became our sin- we know we are actually whole because of His sacrifice!

Break off the fear of lack and reliance on mammon by sowing a seed of trust to God –

Ask the Lord if it’s time to give– when you know you’ve been relying on money or your job more than God, when you give- you realize no I am enough, I’m not lacking.

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You Are Loved. Period.

Prophetic word- LET GO of LOT so you can move forward!!!!!

5 Now Lot, who was moving about with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents. 6 But the land could not support them while they stayed together, for their possessions were so great that they were not able to stay together. 7 And quarreling arose between Abram’s herders and Lot’s. The Canaanites and Perizzites were also living in the land at that time.

8 So Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. 9 Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.”

Genesis 13

What breaks my heart for women, especially that I’ve been talking to….is that they allow the wrong people into their life and they think they are being loving by sacrificing their own time and energy to help them, but instead they are being completely drained! 

I had this belief that I had to help as many people as possible.

 

But I was wrong. So wrong. God taught me that I can’t throw my pearls to swine, and the reason I was getting unnecessarily persecuted was because I was trying to feed people that didn’t want to be fed. 

It’s hard because when you start to set boundaries you may fear losing a friend. Maybe they won’t want your help anymore, and that means you may not feel loved because they are not constantly asking you for help.

But your relationship shouldn’t be based on helping each other all the time, but on actual enjoyment. It’s like you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where you are drained and constantly weighed down, it should be based on enjoyment. Who wants to marry someone where you are constantly emotionally drained. 

You should be enjoying each others’ presence.

Are you enjoying God? Do you know God enjoys your presence? Do you enjoy your own presence? 

There is nothing more or less you can do for God to love you.

What is God like?

He loves you and cherishes you. He holds you when you are about to fall. He loves all unconditionally. His voice is the voice of desire, not the voice of guilt or obligation. I pray today you will receive the father’s love in a new way. 

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A picture from a train in New York

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I Love You

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“There’s a scared place in our hearts only God can fill. When we come into divine romance with God, we realize nothing and no one else can fill that space.”

Two nights ago I had a dream that I was in Taiwan on a chinese tour and I was flying from Taipei to LA but I wanted to stay longer so I can see a friend. After that I started to ask God if I was supposed to go to Taiwan and last night I kept hearing go. But then I also heard familiar spirit so I prayed to cast out any voices that may not be God.

I started feeling anxious as I tried to figure it out. I went into a clay sauna at the korean spa and lay down, suddenly I saw a vision of myself running away from love, wanting to hide. This was not about a place, but the place in my heart. 

“It’s too much”. Sometimes it’s easier to be rejected, abused than to allow love in. Why? 

I’m not sure, maybe some people are scared of disappointing people or scared of that love, that maybe it’s too painful to feel love. How is it possible? Maybe because if you haven’t felt that in your life, it overwhelms you and you start thinking “why now?”

I told my friend that sometimes we’d rather be with people who abuse us than to get close to the people who will actually tell us the truth or we can be ourselves around. 

So I lay there and suddenly God invaded my heart and told me over and over again “I love you, I love you, I love you”. 
 
Stop running away from love. 
This is too good to be true, we’d think. We’d rather not realize what we desire than to accept it, why? Because we are scared to be disappointed. So we run, we run towards abuse, we run towards the counterfeit. We run towards those who cannot give us love. Because we don’t think we deserve love.
But now, you deserve it. You deserve the friends that will ugly cry with you, the ones you don’t have to hide your emotions with. Now you deserve the ones who won’t tell you to go away when your face is long. Now you deserve those who will accept you the way you are, whenever. You deserve those who will accept your emotions.
The ones who you don’t always have to be cheerful around….the ones you can actually be imperfect around. The ones who will allow you to cry and be imperfect…the ones you don’t need to go and have alone time when you are too sad to be a friend with. 
Do you feel it? Singles, you’re about to meet that one that will love you as you are, but are you willing to let go of that which is not love?
Are you willing to let God love you first?

I love you 

I don’t want a sacrifice, I want your heart

I want your heart 

The one you keep trying to protect 

The one you keep hard, gate closed, locked and bolted

The years of silence built up, each minute, each month, each year of silence that he/she didn’t speak to you – another layer of callus, harder your heart became, like solid concrete

No, you said.

Not today

“God, You’re just like my dad” you thought

And then they came, more people who were just like your dad, people with hard hearts like yours, people unable to give love

People you had to chase and pursue, people you kept knocking at their doors, people who abused you, people who neglected and abandoned you, people who didn’t know how to love themselves or love others

The cycle

But I trusted you God

But people are broken and imperfect

They are not me

Will you trust me again? Me your father?

Not your biological dad but Papa the heavenly one

Redeemed

I saw you holding me up as a baby and you were so proud of me

You carried me on your back and ran and I didn’t have to do anything

I could just rest

I lost sight of our relationship while trying to do things for you, trying to help others, trying.

Suddenly I got confused and I lost myself in serving. That voice telling me to go, it was no longer yours but a voice of obligation.

I didn’t want to anymore, I was drained. I was beat up and bruised by peoples’ words. I tried to feed those who didn’t want to be fed. They turned and trampled the pearls of wisdom, tearing me to shreds.

Their words hurt.

So I shut my heart down because then I wouldn’t have to feel.

And my dad disconnected again.

So then again layers of self protection. I went about my days busy to avoid the emotions. Where am I going and what am I doing God.

Anything but feeling.

But finally I lay on my back staring at the ceiling.

Okay I’ll cry.

I forgot that all I need is you.

I don’t need to go anywhere or do anything. I don’t need to dream or fulfill my dreams. I don’t need to fly or drive. I don’t need another divine appointment.

I just need you. Your words and your presence. I don’t need to do anything, I don’t need to achieve anything.

I’m enough. You’re enough for me. 

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PS- Shout out to G. for your donation. May God bless you. This is a testimony, I was actually lying on the floor being transparent with God, crying my eyes out when I received a contribution. I haven’t received a contribution from someone on my blog for a long time so (assuming you are a reader) I was surprised. But it was like God showing me I am your father, and He used a male to show me that image of grace. Thank you.

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Healing The Father Wound

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Me in Hamburg, Germany

How long since I actually took a nap?

Since I lay down here, and just relaxed, and let go, and just be.

It’s been awhile. I felt strange, I got a headache.

I took a nap. I woke up feeling depressed and hungry. I was thinking about the mediocre Mac and cheese from Sprouts. I didn’t really have an appetite. I decided to call a friend after crying. I started weeping while telling her that I still felt a lot of sadness towards accepting that my dad will never be what I want him to be. My friend said it’s actually the same thing as grieving a death. But it’s worse because that person actually have a choice to reciprocate love.

My realization-

“God what I want is a relationship with my dad, and that’s one thing I want and I can’t have it. I pursue it, but nothing. I’m cut off. He’s unable to have an emotional connection”. He is an alcoholic. Instead of confronting, speaking up he turns to alcohol. He lives on the other side of the world in Taiwan.

My whole life I shut down my heart, I didn’t know how to address it. I would suddenly detach myself from people and want to be alone. I’d want alone time because it was safer to be alone than to be hurt by someone.

I’d have a huge desire for emotional intimacy. I’d meet someone I really like but then if I knew he wasn’t it, I’d disappear, they would also disappear. We’d knew how to cut each other out of our lives, but there was no acknowledgement, I didn’t know how to talk through it.

I attracted men who were emotionally and physically absent….men I could not be in relationships with, men who I met ten thousand miles away that I would need to say goodbye to when I had to get on another flight.

It was too hard to face the pain of a possible connection, then ending that connection.

I felt immense emotions, I loved the initial high. I loved the romance and sure I’d get sad when I had to leave to another city, but at least I was safe from intense pain. I was safe from connecting long term and disconnecting. 

I knew that none of them were my husband.

But that was my process. God had to heal me and it’s taken 31 years of my life. I was that little girl in a corner, playing by herself in kindergarten. I felt unwanted by my father. I felt abandoned and rejected.

This season God has been breaking open my heart and healing every wound…by bringing me to a place of vulnerability where I can open my heart up to people. These people are also going through the same thing. 

These are people who will love me for who I truly am.

And that means I am completely open and vulnerable with you too. Whoever you are. I am speaking to you.

It’s not easy to open your heart but it is the most fulfilling thing you’ll ever experience in your life. 

Nothing else matters, no house, no car, no material possession, no accomplishment…

You can win the Emmy’s and have no one to cry with.

I am so happy I have people to cry with, people who I can be completely honest with. I’m grateful I can tell them “when you did this, it hurt” and I’m grateful that I can admit that I’m scared, angry, lonely, sad to them.

I’m glad I can talk about Jesus and penises all in one conversation. I can be completely honest and not have to censor myself to one topic. It is merging our faith with our humanity that truly makes us human.

I’ve been trying to figure out the future, trying to do instead of be because I didn’t want to face the emotional pain in my heart.

It hurts that my dad has no capacity of being in relationship with me.

It hurts that I have to go back to Taiwan to even talk to him.

But thank you God for healing this pain in my heart. Thank you that I am moving forward, I’m facing the pain and understanding the patterns in my heart that prevents me from wanting to be vulnerable and honest with people.

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One of my best friends in Kindergarten

Now I’d like to be myself and know that people will not reject me. I have those people now. I won’t hide underneath the guise of people pleasing anymore because God has given me courage to speak my truth, even if others are offended by it. 

Sure, I was persecuted and I offended people when I was ministering on the road, but it’s given me the courage and strength to always speak my truth no matter what the reactions are. 

It is harder to speak your truth to people you are close to than strangers, because you face the risk of losing them.

But maybe those who can’t take the truth are not really your friends.

I kept thinking God what should I do…instead of facing my emotions. It’s easier to be busy than to be vulnerable with God (and people).

God that’s the only thing I want. I want to be naked emotionally and unashamed, like Adam and Eve before sin entered the world.

He has been preparing me for marriage and it’s HARD! REALLY HARD, this process is exposing me so much. But I’m ready, I’m so ready.

Marriage is not just about finding someone you love but being able to be emotionally vulnerable with our life partner. Are you speaking your truth to those around you now? Your friends and family? 

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Prophetic Word- New Garments of Praise

1. PROPHETIC WORD AND PRAYER – TRUST YOUR HEART.
DON’T SETTLE FOR LESS! It may mean you have no one to hold when you feel alone but GO TO GOD. Don’t have a backup plan for your life. Don’t have plan B or a side chick/some dude who is NOT YOUR LIFE PARTNER! BLOCK, DELETE!

JUST BECAUSE IT’S AN OPTION OR AVAILABLE TO USE DOES NOT MEAN YOU NEED TO USE IT!

“Even if you washed the car and gas-ed up the car” it’s still an OLD CAR. Maybe you have been trying to HELP your second best be his/her best but it’s STILL not YOUR best, it’s still the OLD.

Don’t SETTLE FOR LESS, it may mean you have to WAIT for the best!
Don’t SETTLE! It may mean you won’t have a car to drive, but go with your heart’s desires, not what’s AVAILABLE! OMG.

Just because a man/woman is available to you and single, does not MEAN YOU NEED TO SPEND TIME WITH THEM AND BE DRAINED OF YOUR ENERGY!

YOU KNOW YOUR HEART, you don’t need someone to validate you. Another prophet may even speak over you but you need to discern whether that is actually for you.

 

2. Prophetic word- it’s time to trade your garment of mourning for the garment of praise! Don’t pick up old clothes anymore.

To appoint unto them that mourn in Zion, to give unto them beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness, that they might be called trees of righteousness, the planting of the Lord, that He might be glorified.

Isaiah 61:3

After I wrote the last post I had several dreams. I had one dream where I held a cute baby and then it turned to a man. However I found out the baby was being operated by a woman.

When I was holding the baby I saw people dancing but I felt comfortable sitting and holding the baby so I did not get up.

In another dream I was going to a thrift shop and I picked up a shirt I donated and asked if I could borrow it and return it.

It’s been a transitional season and I’ve gotten prophetic words from people but sometimes it can differ a little bit from what I’m feeling or hearing. It may bring confusion to my heart but when I really sit down and ask God I sense this.

It’s time to trade your season of mourning to praise.

 

To pick up and get off your feet.

 

To strike the ground and not sit in fear anymore.

 

To work the ground because the harvest is coming.

 

Do not lament anymore, it’s time to be excited for what’s to come.

 

God gave me those dreams after I wrote the previous one. He told me to go back to sleep as there were more dreams.

 

Don’t pick up old mentalities and ideas anymore.

Don’t pick up the past anymore.

 

Move forward.

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