Why I Left Everything To Follow Jesus

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Where do I even begin?

When I was young, I wanted to be a missionary but I didn’t want to live in a hut.

Slowly I started to believe a lie that I had to be successful in the world to be influential (or a light). I started pursuing my “dreams” and “goals” to be this successful and independent career woman. I was going to write books and speak around the world. I believe I am still going to do those things…however, my motive wasn’t right.

My motive wasn’t right because I didn’t believe that I was enough. 

I grew up with a single mom, didn’t see my dad for 10 years and grew up with a cloud of abandonment and rejection over my head.

God started to heal me. This road was long and strenuous.

I basically ran my own road thinking it was God’s. I ran myself dry. I was in a drought. I was still following God, but I wanted to do it my way.

The truth is I was running away. I was in pain, but I couldn’t face the pain of healing.

I went from running my own business to backpacking in Europe for 2 months, on my last leg of the journey I woke up from a dream where the Lord specifically told me to quit my career. When I went back all the finances dried up and the Lord told me to sell everything and follow Him. I was late on rent and my family was accusing me of living an irresponsible life.

So there I was laying at my friend’s house. God said “at 3pm you will know where to move”. Well, my mom had already offered up her place. The idea of living in a studio with my mother (who I have clashing personalities) did not seem like such a good idea.

But that’s exactly where God wanted me to be. And I surrendered. 

He wanted me to go through the grueling healing process of reconciling with my mother. I proceeded to spend 2 years living with her. During this time God also told me that I was a pastor to the lost sheep and that I was not to pursue any work opportunities. 

Imagine, you are almost 30 and the Lord tells you to rest.

All of society would be criticizing you, wouldn’t they?

Well, I went through the test of accusations left and right, until the point I knew who I was.

“I am a daughter of God and I am righteous in His eyes, I am approved by Him and not by men or women. I stand firm in this identity, Jesus paid the price for me”. 

After 2 years, the Lord said “it’s time to go”.

I packed my bags and went. I thought I would stay in Taiwan for a year, but the Lord actually wanted me to gather the lost sheep in different corners of the world. I went from no energy to praying for strangers on the street everyday. I went from timid to bold. I went from fearing to being fearless.

I went from needing recognition to simply being unknown. 

I wanted the spotlight but then I found identity in being loved by God. God led me through different industries like acting and real estate to show me that my worth couldn’t be found in any of that. 

Now, I spend days pursuing lost sheep. I ask to pray for people who laugh at me and reject me. I pursue sheep that avoid me because they know I will speak the truth to them. I climb mountains and dive deep to find the ones who have been wounded by religion or the church, I find those that are not believers in Jesus and I tell them Jesus loves them.

There are days I can’t stand the persecution, the pain, the rejection, the weariness, the attacks of the enemy and I’ll just cry to Jesus.

But I do it because Jesus changed me, He healed my heart of brokenness and He loves me.

Sow A Seed- Thank You!

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The Making Of A Prophet

 

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“But I tell you the truth, no prophet is accepted in his own hometown.”- Luke 4:24

I don’t wish that anyone be called by God to be a prophet, pastor, evangelists. What you see in America is not what being called actually looks like, most people don’t tell you what the process looks like to be called. 

The biggest struggle I’ve had to go through is being rejected, by everyone. The biggest lesson I learned in being rejected is that “I am worthy, I am enough”.

I’m going to tell you what it actually looks like to be called. Growing up in a conservative church, people didn’t really believe me when I told them that “God told me”. I had a ear for God early on, but didn’t know it was being spirit filled.

I listened and will follow Him where He was leading. I got booted out essentially by the conservatives. Later on I tried to pursue success in the world and failed miserably as God closed all the doors. He said “You are a pastor to the lost sheep”. 

Now He also called me after my failed attempt to be successful in the world to “sell everything and follow Him”. I proceeded to returned my leased car, my apartment that  I was already two months behind in rent, and I basically did everything that a model citizen wouldn’t do.

After years of being “independent” I moved back home with my mom. I felt like I was losing everything I built my life on. I lost my career, my laptop crashed, I didn’t have a sim card for 3 years.

The accusations got louder and louder- “what are you doing with your life? You are almost 30. Stop wasting your life. Get a real job”.

Well, God told me very specifically to rest and to follow His voice. So there I was praying for people on buses and on the streets. I didn’t know that my life would essentially look like that NOW but I am praying for so many more people on a daily basis.

You see, I looked like I was living an irresponsible life but I was setting people free from fear and bondage, I was healing backaches and speaking identity into orphaned hearted people. But that didn’t seem to matter to my mom. 

But in those 2 years God restored more of our relationship.

So I lost everything but I gained the Lord. Jesus.

All my vices suddenly disappeared as the Lord started healing everything wounded in me. I stopped wanting to drink whereas in my early twenties I often found myself drowning my pain in alcohol or going out with people.

Now people offer me alcohol and I just don’t want it. It’s not because of self-discipline but because God has took away any desire so that I can be sober minded.

It says to be vigilant for the enemy is always prowling to attack, this is true. I let my spiritual guard down when I am drunk. But now I am drunk with the SPIRIT of GOD. And it is INCREDIBLE.

In 2014 I also broke up with my ex and I stopped dating. Suddenly I didn’t need attention from men anymore. THAT WOUND HEALED. The Lord did it. You see even if a nice looking guy shows up I can read his mind and his spirit!

So what did the process look like? LOTS of tears and rejection. Being rejected by your own relatives, friends, being judged about your life. Traveling to places and sometimes not knowing what I would eat or if I had money to eat, being laughed at when I get in front of a stranger in front of a big crowd of people, being ridiculed. 

YES, people say “no” all the time when I ask to pray for them. Yes, people laugh at me.

When I tell people I’m a prophet, some laugh. Some people who don’t believe in Jesus laugh and ridicule me. Some people think I’m saying it to be boastful and they attack me.

But you know what I say “I don’t wish it upon anyone because the cost has been great”.

Now more than ever what I pray over people is this “you are enough in Christ Jesus, there is now no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus. You are righteous by grace and not by works”. This SETS PEOPLE FREE because they are no longer under judgement, but FREEDOM. 

I had to go through all that to know what IDENTITY MEANS.

The crazy thing is that the farther I went from Los Angeles, the more I was actually honored as a prophet and as a human being. Above is a picture of my brother in Christ. I have received such encouragement from people I have met here, in Japan and in Korea. Though I was once dishonored and rejected, God is restoring honor to me.

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The Path of Intimacy

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The path of intimacy with Jesus requires that He prunes you (to cut off or cut back parts of for better shape or more fruitful growth- Mirriam Webster).

Jesus will prune you of things that are not of Him, unhealthy soul ties, attachment to things or status, a need for external things to validate your identity. 

He does this not because He is mean, but because He is good. First He has to prune you from what you think you need.

Because He is ALL that you need. And He is the only one that will complete you so that you become enough, whole, NOT lacking. 

He wants to give you ALL things, He wants to bless you and spoil you.

But He cannot do it when you are wanting it out of lack. Because in Christ you are not lacking. 

Imagine if you felt like there was something missing within you, so you go searching for it- in a relationship, in your career, in your finances, in material things, in fame, in status, in reputation, in how others view you….

You ask God to answer your prayers.

“God please give me this and that, please give me a husband, please please….because I don’t have enough and I am not enough….ultimately, because I don’t believe that you are enough”.

God wants to give you EVERYTHING, but He will make sure that LACK belief is out of your system before He blesses you. He wants that blessing to be a representation of WHO YOU ARE, not who you are not.

Ultimately, He wants you to know who He is in the process. He wants you to know His heart for you, He wants to sing over you versus you getting what you want and then walking away, then desperately praying for Him to deliver you when you are in a bind.

Are you willing to be solely committed to Jesus, as His bride? (even if you are a man)

Do you believe He will never leave nor forsake you? Will you walk with Him in the process instead of running away or only coming to Him when you are desperate?

A wife trusts, relies on her husband. Jesus who is whole and complete made you whole and complete with His sacrifice on the cross. You are not lacking one thing. 

When you believe you are whole, all things will be added unto you. Everything you could ever imagine and much more. 

Prophetic Word: TAKE UP THE ROOM

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I woke up from a dream where I was in a room and I said “I have a part of this room that is invisible”, then there was a pipe that was connected to the washer and dryer and old dust and huge pieces of lint was coming out. I said “we seriously need to get the parts changed”.

When I woke up I kept hearing “take up the room”.

“Take up the room.

You were once invisible, but take up the room. Be visible. You are visible no matter HOW much you try to hide. They are all staring because they see a light within you, SHINE.

Don’t be embarrassed, you will not be humiliated.

Don’t be ashamed, because I have redeemed you- says the Lord.

Walk proudly with your head up.

I am cleaning out the old things that no longer resemble you. No longer are you a widow or a barren women/men. You have and are continuing to birth new things that no men or women has seen. You are NOT like the world. The world clamors AFTER the bright lights, but they have NOTHING to show.

YOU, you have truth, you have light. You have hope, you are amazing. My spirit lives within you, that is truth. Diamonds and gold cannot COMPARE to you. 

Your clothes can’t even represent you because your true light is THE ESSENCE of you, the ENERGY of you, the vibes. You emanate wonder.

When you SPEAK you roar like a lion, causing all to be surprised. How can something so piercing to the soul come from a small woman/man like you?

You are not small, you are grand.

No matter how people view you, you are grand in my eyes. You are a king/queen. You are destined to rule. Though you are now laying down what was, look- how I am giving you new garments of praise, new futures. Things you have never seen, never could have imagined for yourself.

Though you wept and grieved for the last season, now rejoice, I am doing something new.

You will not be humiliated, for I the LORD am your strong redeemer. I will redeem the places that caused you pain, I will repay you for what you lost. All is not lost. I said ALL is not lost. I AM redeeming it ALL WITH interest!!

You WILL NOT remember the tears you cried.

For it is finished.”

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Prophetic Word: I AM MAKING ALL THINGS NEW!

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If you have ignored every single post…THIS IS THE ONE YOU WANT TO READ.

“I AM MAKING ALL THINGS NEW- says the Lord. 

I am making all things new!!
I am turning your mourning into laughing!
I am turning your grief into joy!
LETTING GO of the old might seem difficult BUT OH the JOY of the new!

No one can FATHOM what GOD has in store for you! NO ONE! It is SO GOOD!! He is such a good good father, HE is smiling just thinking about how HAPPY YOU will be when HE unveils the surprises (I am literally tearing up).

You will literally weep in joy when you see the NEW life God has for you! You will be SO GLAD you didn’t settle! You will be SO GLAD you trusted God when things looked foggy. You will be SO GLAD you took the road less taken.
You Will Be So GLAD you chose to submit to the PROCESS of sonship versus the easy path of the world. 
You will rejoice ‘thank you father for never leaving nor forsaking me!'”

God is about to reveal HIS sons and daughters on this earth. He is positioning and aligning people RIGHT NOW via relocations, movements and travels. He is going to put you in the right place at the right time and NO one can take CREDIT for it!!

“YOU who have been hidden in the wilderness, YOU who I specifically PUT away in holding IS NOW being served to the world as a REMINDER of my glory ON this earth. PEOPLE will STAND IN AWE of WHO YOU ARE. YOU will carry a presence of JESUS that they have NEVER SEEN! NEVER!!!!! They have never seen a Christ follower that LOVES LIKE YOU LOVE. You will not have the religious spirit, you are SO counter culture. You will carry the true essence and aroma of being a son/daughter of God. THEY HAVEN’T SEEN ANYONE LIKE YOU. You are BOLD like a lion.”

Whew I can just sense the heaviness of what is going to happen.

“I KNOW it will take everything for you to give up the past, to let go of what was and to following my SPIRIT. BUT DO. Because WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU IS GREATER THAN ANYTHING YOU CAN CONJURE UP FOR YOURSELF, I AM THIS GOOD. I WANT TO SHOW OFF HOW GOOD I AM. I AM a generous, abundant, never-cease-to-amaze type of God. I am not your average Joe, I am your personal savior and Father!”

Go Where You Are Uncomfortable

I felt the pangs of despair, I cried the tears of hopelessness.

In the waiting, I thought I would never get whole. 

But here I am, hopeful.

Here I am, proving them wrong.

Here I am, with my whole heart. 

I’ve been kicked around, accused, rejected.

I got up every time. I kept getting up until they stopped and marveled.

“How is she still getting up? Shouldn’t she be in the corner, depressed and hopeless?”

Then I will point to God and I’ll keep looking up because you never failed me, you never gave up on me. Your hands kept reaching for me, you kept lifting me up.

It was You all along. 

Just like dating, you are putting yourself out there again.

You are putting your heart out and you are scared that you may get hurt again.

But don’t stop being yourself, now is YOUR time to shine. 

Sow A Seed and contribute to the Kingdom!

God Wants To Meet You In The Unknown

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I’ve been battling a cold recently.

I had a dream last night where I couldn’t figure out what train to get on, whether to Azusa or Disneyland. I took the train the wrong way, I got off, then took the train the right way, and then got off to take another train. Then I just decided to go use the restroom which was in between both trains. A door opened up for me to go number one.

In another dream, I was trying to choose the right cup to drink water from because I was parched. But I didn’t like any of the cups. Some were too big and some were dirty. Then I was lying on the beach and I had no sunscreen on and my eye was parched.

When I woke up I felt like God wanted to meet me in the unknown.

The waiting and transition season often feels like a drag. It feels uncertain, unstable…you often can’t answer peoples’ questions like “what have you been up to?”

Your reply might be “just resting”.

But it’s not just resting, it’s meeting God in the unknown. 

The transition period often calls for us to be still and know that God is God. 

He wants to remind us of His character – that He is good, that He loves us, that He knows what He is doing, that He sometimes puts us in a season of rest so that we understand His character.

And that is why Resting is so hard for people of this world. RESTING means letting go and trusting that everything will work out. 

That is why most people cannot rest if they have dire circumstances in life, but we know that Jesus is working on our behalf (we live from a place of victory) and so even in dire circumstances our hearts can rest in a God who knows what HE is doing, who is trust worthy and who never LEAVES nor forsakes us. 

So it’s not really just about God answering your prayers or delivering a miracle….it’s manifesting all those things HE wants to give us from a place of knowing how much He loves us and cares for us. He wants us to live out of our God given identities.

He wants to bless us as fathers bless their children, from a pure heart of love.

Whenever I try to figure out or ask God “what should I do?” I now know that I want to DO without knowing who He is or who I am.

When we are trying to figure out what’s next, it is often because “in the waiting” we have become impatient and doubt creeps in. This doubt asks us “does God knows what He is doing? Is He a good God? Should I try to handle this situation now since it doesn’t seem like God is doing anything?”

In the transition period, God desires for us to KNOW His character and heart in a deeper and stronger way.  He wants us to know WHO He really is in every circumstance. He wants us to mature in our understanding of our position in Christ.

So many people want to have His material blessings without becoming people who walk with Him as friends. The true blessing is becoming a people who carry His presence and become blessings on this earth because of their intimacy with Jesus. 

God desires for us to KNOW who we are– people with spiritual inheritance and authority. A people who have a Father who loves them.

God desires for us to KNOW who HE is– A God who loves us unconditionally and HAS PLANS to prosper us and not to harm us.

The unknown season forces us to get to know WHO we are in Christ and WHO He is for US.

So don’t feel burdened or rushed to get to the next season, there are treasures of intimacy in the unknown and waiting season. Feed your soul and spirit with the love of God. Indulge in the love God has for you. Rest in knowing that His grace is enough for you.

“I need you to understand who you are and who I am for you before I open the doors to the next season. Not knowing who you are could cause you to open doors to people and opportunities that will hurt you more than help you. I need you to walk in the Christ given authority you were meant to walk in, you inheritance causes you to walk in true spiritual power”- says the Lord.