You Are Enough – The Message of The Cross

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I realized this morning that I’m scared of happiness. I’m scared to be happy.

All my life I lived in the shadows of a broken home and unworthiness seemed to follow me wherever I went.

I started to see my worth when I understood grace, a finished work that required no work of my own but that Jesus finished the work for me.

Yet when I see a happy couple or family, my heart is doubtful.

I want to find flaws and I want to know they’ve struggled, I want to see brokenness, I want to know I’m not the only one who has struggled or is struggling.

At the same time I don’t want my pessimism to touch them, to infect their happiness.

I just heard the Lord say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.

I deserve happiness and I deserve to be loved. I deserve to have.

I am worthy. I am worthy. I am worthy.

Growing up I felt like God owed me a great deal for the way I grew up. I was always fighting to survive. There was always a conflict, a struggle, a battle and I often felt restless.

I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, unable to feel like myself in this world.

Just receive, sometimes it’s easier to give than to receive. Because to receive you must believe you are worthy of it. 

But when you feel unworthy, you’ll refuse the help.

Sometimes we’re afraid to give because we’re afraid we will lack or not have enough.

Both comes from a fear of lack.

But in Christ we are whole and not lacking and only in loving can we understand grace, that it is all sufficient and not lacking.

Your worth isn’t in how you grew up, what situation or circumstance you are in now. Your worth is in being a child of God, knowing Jesus died for you to make you whole.

They don’t have more than you do- the ones you think have more financially, relationally, etc.

You have everything you need to do what you need to do.

My friend told me she felt depressed as she is unmarried, broke and traveling but the truth is she has everything that she needs- Jesus.

Even though I’m living in a beautiful house, I am a beautiful house.

I am the beautiful car, I am the delicious food, I am a happily married couple.

I am everything that I could ever want.

That is wholeness…realizing you are enough and you are not lacking.

You might be divorced, without income, childless, unmarried, but you are not less than those with a happy family.

God died for you in whatever circumstance you’re in and he made you pure as snow, whole, not lacking. 

He filled every imperfection, discrepancy, every hole, every feeling of lack and said you are complete.

You are not complete when you have more, you are not complete when your bills are paid, you are not complete when you get married, you are not complete when your kids are grown, you are not complete when you’re disease free- you are complete and whole NOW because of the BLOOD OF JESUS.

The danger in accruing blessings is that we start to think our worth is based on what we have when the truth is our worth comes from the finished work of Jesus.

You are blessed when your parents disapprove or approve of you.

You are blessed when you are in need or not in need.

You are blessed with or without a husband/wife.

You are blessed whether you are in the greatest or worst shape of your life.

You are blessed whether you have debt or not.

You are blessed because of the blood of Jesus. In the Spirit al is finished. That is our true identity as Kings and Queens.

We need to see people for who they really are. We call and prophesy people into who they really are- not by taking pity.

Even if you never preach like TD Jakes- you are whole and enough.

Even if your ministry never becomes as big as Hillsong, you are enough.

Even if no one knows or recognizes you for your service to God and people,  you are enough.

Even if you don’t write a book, you are enough.

Even if you are a backstage person and the lime light never shines on you, you are enough.

Even if no church affirms or approves of what God put on the inside of you, you are enough.

God will use the unexpected people to show His power because it’s not by might or flesh, but by the power of the Spirit. So if you are young or old, you feel like a failure, you feel like your life has fallen apart and you feel ashamed of your past- know that God’s power is most mighty in the ones who have no power of their own, no ability of their own. We have to get back to being a child of God, being unable on our own, being fully reliant on Jesus our savior. 

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. 

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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The Unfolding

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If you were reading my life story, you’d be like wow. This is what happened on my 31st birthday.

A few days ago, I was sitting at a food court and I prayed for a mom and son. I did not know how significant the prophetic vision for the son was until the mom shared about it in small group.

Well, how did I end up in the small group?

I was in Perth and I knew they lived there but I didn’t feel like I was supposed to contact her yet. 4 days in a hostel, the woman contacted me via facebook and told me they were having small group at her house and that I could stay with her. I had a whole week booked at the hostel, but only had 2 more days left.

I made a quick decision while sitting alone on my birthday. I thought to myself “what the heck am I doing, of course I want to be with other Christians on my birthday, of course I want a birthday cake”.

I think I was hesitant because I was afraid of what to expect. 

I had gone through years of being misunderstood by other Christians and on this trip, God had restored my hope in Christian friendships. I had met a lot of religious spirited Christians before and even on this trip. Before knowing my heart, they judged and rejected me. It was hurtful. They judged the form and not the love. 

But God was slowly rebuilding my hope and faith in the church (the body of Christ).

First he restored some old relationships, people who used to be conservative, but now understood the holy spirit.

Then he sent me to my spiritual land (South Africa) where I was celebrated by other brothers and sisters. I was honored, not disgrace.

Then through fundraising, He showed me that people believed in what God was doing through me and that I shouldn’t give up.

He is teaching me to be fearless.

He said this to me –

“It doesn’t matter what people think of you, because whatever accusations they throw at you- they are lies. You are righteous in my eyes and you have a heart of David. Not everyone will understand the anointing you carry or the path you are pioneering, but look to me. I am your covering, no one else. I am enough for you. I am your strong hand, I am your protector and your provider, I am with you always”. 

I mentioned some of the accusations people threw at me while following Jesus, I now realize I can throw them away for good and not let them bother me anymore. It’s crazy how powerful words are. It sticks with you for years and prevents you from seeing new relationships right.

Because God is doing a new thing and we can no longer let our perspective be tainted by the past. 

No more woundedness, walking out into the light.

I am crying thinking about all the pain I felt from being rejected and misunderstood for so long while clinging onto Jesus and following a path that was unpioneered. When you finally meet people who have been through it or people who admire you instead of judge you, it’s like a really bad wrong that has been righted by God. 

There is no one like Jesus.

I promise you that even though some people reject you, you are walking into a season where you will be celebrated- but you must be willing to expose your heart again. 

The fear of rejection and judgement is real. But God wants us to be so firm in our identity that we will not waver but be brave, be bold and go forth to conquer the land that is ours. 

It doesn’t matter who thinks what about you, the only thought that matters is God’s and His thoughts are love towards you.

You are worthy. You are worthy in God’s eyes. My love is real for you says the Lord. My heart burns for you. I died on the cross for you, I was thinking of you says the Lord.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. 

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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Overcoming Disappointment

Tomorrow I turn 31 (February 11).

I am not home (Los Angeles) but in Perth, Australia. I should be excited to be here, but I’m not. I feel a bit of sadness. This morning I cried. I was thinking about how I didn’t celebrate any birthdays the last few years with friends because I didn’t have the heart to.

But in crying and sharing my disappointment I got to hear a roommate’s story and pray for her. Everyone has a story and a past.

I had a dream I was on a helicopter going through 7 oceans, it was so beautiful. I knew it was heaven and when I woke up my heart was pounding out of my chest.

My heart longs for restoration, beauty. Yet, the last few birthdays were far from beautiful. They were filled with disappointments. And even though I went to Cancun with my mom and there were beautiful moments, they were overshadowed by her nagging about turning 30.

Even after 7 months of ministry, my mom does not understand what I do.

The path of a pioneer is difficult. 

This year won’t be the same, I will fulfill my promises- says the Lord. 

I will trade your ashes for beauty. 

I wish someone understood. 

I do says the Lord. I do.

You are not alone,  you are not alone. 

Sometimes our hearts are so tired we don’t think we can go on, but just as I was writing this another long term backpacker gave me a duck plush toy.

And then just as I was writing this, he got an extra lemonade from the machine and he said who wants it? I said “ME!”

God is funny that way.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. 

Right now funds are needed to buy a flight to the next city God is directing me to.

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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Isaiah 54 New International Version (NIV)

The Future Glory of Zion

54 “Sing, barren woman,
    you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
    you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
    than of her who has a husband,”
says the Lord.
“Enlarge the place of your tent,
    stretch your tent curtains wide,
    do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
    strengthen your stakes.
For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
    your descendants will dispossess nations
    and settle in their desolate cities.

“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
    Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
    and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
For your Maker is your husband—
    the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
    he is called the God of all the earth.
The Lord will call you back
    as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
    only to be rejected,” says your God.
“For a brief moment I abandoned you,
    but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
In a surge of anger
    I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
    I will have compassion on you,”
    says the Lord your Redeemer.

“To me this is like the days of Noah,
    when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
    never to rebuke you again.
10 Though the mountains be shaken
    and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
    nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
    says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

A Persevering Love

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A family I met in a cafe in Indonesia

I had a dream that I got married to someone God chose for me but I was doubtful that this man knew what I needed or wanted.

There are days where God tells me to pray for people but I withhold my heart because love can be tiring if you are not refueled by God.

Sometimes if we have the wrong view of God, in ministry, it’s easy to start seeing God as a tyrant.

“I am pushing your heart to come out of its cave and have no reserve, to live in the boldness of having an open heart”.

I can’t take it anymore, I have no more capacity to love – I tell God. I have no more boldness or capacity to talk to another stranger, to ask to pray for someone and risk them laughing at me or telling me no or looking at me like I am crazy.

As I write this I feel emotions welling up in my eyes as tears spring forth.

This is living with an open heart.

God is love and if we are to be more like God, God pushes our hearts to expand and to love in ways we cannot possibly love in our own flesh.

Because the truth is it’s all too easy to live l life in solitary confinement, but ministry for the last 7 months on the road, to almost 10 countries, living in 6-12 bed dorm rooms in close proximity to people have forced me to live with an open heart.

The music blasting from a club downstairs, a roommate that snores like guys fighting on the street, hearing the type of stories that make you feel like your heart is being poked out by a sword, it’s not easy to open your heart when you just want to be protected from the world, a world that is damaged, tired and worn out. 

After a few days, you have to cry.

Because you feel like your heart is being stretched like a rubber band and you start to feel numb. 

Today God kept telling me to pray for people and some I did, but I started getting really annoyed. I didn’t know what I was feeling but I said to God – “I feel unloved”.

I felt tired, worn out, exhausted.

There are times (like in the dream), I doubt whether God really knows what He is doing, especially with me.

But after taking a nap, I woke up and prayed for a guy whose leg was injured.

I also thought about how my roommate, when she started talking to someone on the phone with a friend, her face lit up….how we all are humans longing for love and when we feel unloved, we are unable to feel alive.

More than the things in the world, we long for human connection. We want to know that we are loved and appreciated.

And in that moment again I heard God say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.

Part of my thoughts also had to do with lack, feeling so stretched in having to trust God for the finances to go forward to every city. He often provides enough for this city, but then I usually don’t have the finances for the next city.

This kind of faith stretches me, this kind of life makes me trust on a level I never knew I could trust. 

But again His work is finished on the cross, and so I relax into His perfect plan.

Dear God- I won’t doubt you even though sometimes it’s hard to trust you. It’s scary at times, I feel that my heart can’t go on. I reckon this is what marriage looks like, this is what your love looks like. Your love is a love that never gives up. God fuel me right now with your love. I need to know that your love is enough for me and that your grace is sufficient for me. Without you, I cannot do nothing. Thank you for dying on the cross for me. Your love is enough for me. In Jesus name. Amen.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. Everyday I am ministering to and praying for people and sharing the love of Christ with them.

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Moving With The Spirit

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“You need a visa to Australia” said the Lady at the airport counter.

I stared at her, “what visa?” (I had been to Australia before but it was in 2011, I didn’t read anything about it so this caught me off guard).

I didn’t have a phone and my mind ran wild of me being stranded or not being able to take my flight.

I turned to the French tourists behind me who I was talking to, “can I borrow your phone?” I had to register for a visa 2 hours before my flight and I didn’t know how long it would take. At first the wifi wouldn’t load, then finally it was loading. 

I exclaimed out loud. “I’ve been there before when I went to Vietnam” she turned out to be a Christian. “Pray for me” I said.

5 minutes later, I registered but the visa didn’t go through yet. I had over $200, if I missed this flight it was over.

Okay let me check. The lady checked “it went through”. I sighed. OMG.

Makes sense why God told me to get up in the morning at 8am. I was groggy and tired from ministering to so many people, my period had just come and I was not feeling it. “Get up!” I heard God say. I’ve heard this many times before. “Go to the airport early”. He knew I would run into this problem, but He also didn’t tell me beforehand so that I could end up praying for the French couple after I used their phone.

Bali, Indonesia 

“I’ve been searching, I grew up Muslim but now I am searching”, said the girl in my room. I told her my testimony of learning my identity in Christ Jesus and from overworking to learning who I am as a child of God.

“Do you want to hear God?”- I asked. She said yes and came to sit on my bottom bunk. I held her hands “Jesus will you speak to her?” We closed our eyes. When I opened my eyes she said “Jesus said ‘it’s okay’ ‘it’s okay'”. I prayed for her. You are enough in Christ Jesus, you are not lacking.

Before this I was telling a Chinese girl about Jesus as we sat in our bunk beds.

A few nights before I was sitting at an eatery when I saw a Asian man. We started talking and I got to share my testimony. We ended up talking for 2 hours and getting ice cream as well.

One night I was laying in bed when I started to feel claustrophobic (this is a sign of Spirit moving- move with the spirit, because you’ll continue to feel claustrophobic if you don’t), the Lord said “get up”.

I walked out. He said “go to the second floor”. I got there but no one was there so I thought “maybe I’m just supposed to hang out with Jesus”.

Then suddenly a man hobbled into the lounge area.

I said “can I pray for you?” After praying he said that he was Muslim. He asked me if I believed Jesus was the son of God. I said “yes” and I explained that Jesus is the only God that solves the problem of sin and not being enough and that in ever other religion, you have to work for God to approve of you, but in Christ, He has finished the work on the cross so that you become whole and you get to rest in His finished work.

The Tattooed Man 

One day in Bali I felt led to go to a mall’s food court. When I went to sit down the Lord said to sit next to a tattooed man. I started small talking with him but when him and his mom stood up, I said “can I pray for you?” I saw the man preaching and asked if he has ever preached, sharing the vision with him. His mom exclaimed that the Lord had showed her the same.

Turns out they were Christian and I told them my story of leaving every thing to follow Jesus. I also told them that I am trusting God for finances, sometimes even to buy a flight ticket to continue.

Suddenly the mom whipped out some money and gave it to me. She said “for lunch money”. I was shocked and surprised but grateful to God.

To be honest, I have many times of doubting God. I sit in anxiety wondering how God will do it but somehow He continues to provide for me. Somehow I go from country to country sharing His love, even when I don’t know how He will provide for me.

Perth, Australia

“Pray for him” I heard God say. I ran after him, an Italian ex-mafia.

I prayed for him and he was very grateful. I started talking about apostle Paul and Peter, but I could barely understand him as he was speaking in half-Italian.

I had arrived the day before in Perth without any hostel bookings and no phone.

I got on the bus and immediately met a German guy. I prayed for him. He was an 18 year old, first time out of the country. We got off the bus together and parted ways.

Then started my search for a hostel. I walked a few blocks, saw a few and felt no peace about it. Then I found one and felt right about it, however everyone who came out of the hostel said they hated it. 2 Russian girls said they saw a cockroach and only stayed 5 minutes.

I said perhaps I could take over their room. However, I wasn’t sure. This girl kept pushing my shoulder, telling me to wait or to not go in. It was a very strange intimidating spirit. I walked up and decided to get a dorm room as their private room was above my budget.

Then suddenly club music from below the hostel started playing.

I thought “omg, Lord, I can’t anymore with this”.

Then suddenly and miraculously the music stopped. Already I met a Singaporean, Japanese girl, and German girl. I prayed for the staff who was having a fever.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. Everyday I am ministering to and praying for people and sharing the love of Christ with them.

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Try Anything For You Will Not Fail

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Prophetic Word-

I hear the Lord say you are enough, you are not lacking and you have everything you need to move forward. I actually walked into a bookstore and told this to a girl and right after I realized God was speaking to me through me prophesying to her.

I spent a week in Melaka, Malaysia ministering there and then the Lord told me to go to Singapore. Well, I had about $60 in the bank and about 250 ringgits that my friend gave me. My phone was totally dead but I knew that the Lord would provide. I didn’t feel peace about booking any hostel or doing couchsurfing as I felt the Lord would lead me to where I needed to go. I also felt like I needed to stay at a hostel but that the hostel was not online.

However, I was still petrified and had a few days of feeling paralyzed in fear and I had to spend time with Jesus to even have any inkling of courage.

My time in Malaysia was fruitful, the Lord prophesied to people and healed people through me.

Testimonies:

On the day I was going to Singapore I saw a man at the bus station, I asked him if he was going to Singapore. He said yes. Right away I shared with him that I was a missionary and he said me too! He is an artist/minister.

On the bus we shared testimonies for 3 hours. In the beginning I shared how I was relying on the Lord for finances to keep going and that I’ve been going for 5 months since July to over 8 countries (Taiwan, Korea, Japan, China, Hong Kong, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore).

When I went to the bathroom, the Lord spoke to this gentleman and told him to sow a seed. He gave me an envelope. I was shocked and surprised. The Lord surely provides. He said that the Lord told him I needed it more than him and this was true.

During the ride I felt that I needed to pray for the man and I held him like a baby, it was the strangest thing but I felt like I needed to do it. I said that he was a baby and that he must rely and rest in the Lord like a baby. That the Lord is taking care of all of his needs. I also felt that when he gave, the Lord broke off the spirit of lack. The Lord often calls us to give so that we are reminded “The Lord is our shepherd, we lack nothing” and that the Lord will refill what we gave in more abundance.

We cried and prophesied to each other on the bus, I felt like he was like a father figure.

When I got to Singapore, I first got some change and then asked which bus I should take to get to Chinatown. The Lord had impressed on my heart to go to Chinatown. I knew there were people I needed to reach there.

Without a phone, I got on a bus. First there was a man with an injured leg and I asked to pray for him but he said no. Later a madam and her helper got on the bus. I made some small talk and asked to pray for them, they said okay. I asked her if she knew of any hostels in Chinatown, she said no.

She said “Follow me” and I was hesitant but decided to follow her off the bus. She said “want to eat?” I said YES I am starving. She treated me to a big meal as we fellowshiped. I found out she was also Christian. I explained to her helper that I only had about 100 singaporean dollars to spend on a week at a hostel and I may not have enough. Even though the Lord had already provided 200 ringgits by the gentleman on the bus….

All of a sudden I heard the Lord said the lady would pay for my hostel.

I was like “okay, well I’ve heard things from you but sometimes they don’t pay God” (for example, I’ve heard God say “she will pay for your meal” and sometimes it doesn’t happen).

All of a sudden the madam got money out of her bag and put it in mine. I didn’t know how much she put but the helper said “see my madam is very kind, she just gave you 100 singaporean”.

I was like OMG you were right.

God provided enough for a hostel, but then now I had to find a hostel within my budget.

I walked into 5-6 hostels and I’m like LORD, show me the way. He said “go forward”. Many of the hostels were fully booked. Finally I looked across the street and I saw one that seemed plain and simple. I’m like Lord….

I walk in and ask if they have a bed, bam. It was sort of within my budget but if I spent all my money on the hostel, I wouldn’t have money for food. In the afternoon I suddenly had the idea to ask for a week’s discount and the owner said “yes, we have”.

Praise God. It was a considerable discount and it was the Lord providing.

Testimonies of Ministry:

As you know I pray for people when I minister. Sometimes people say yes, sometimes no. If the opportunity is there, I share my testimony and story of Jesus in my life. These are just a FEW of the testimonies that happen on a daily basis.

I saw a cat and started petting it. The owner of the shop came out and started talking to me. I shared why I was here in Singapore and he shared some of the things he has been through the last year. I prayed for him and also found out he used to be christian. I said the Lord led me here to let him know that The Lord has never left him.

The night I arrived, there were 3 Filipino ladies in the room. They happen to be Christian too and they prayed for me.

One day I asked to pray for a Vietnamese girl. I prophesied that “the Lord said to follow your heart and not to be afraid. I felt like it was her job that she didn’t like.”

She was shocked, “how did you know what I was thinking?”

I said “the Lord speaks to me”. She ended up receiving the Lord and I told her “you can hear God too” so we sat there holding hands. She said “the Lord told me not to be scared” in Vietnamese.

There are many more testimonies.

The Lord has told me to continue in Indonesia and I am looking for ministry partners that are willing to sow. The flight ticket is about $90 and finances for housing and food. I am aiming for $500.

If you feel the spirit leading you to give, know that the Lord will bless you MORE abundantly and your reward will also be in heaven.

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Bangkok – Black Haired Singer

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SO I had many divine appointments but none like this one.

After a lot of distractions and battling lies (see previous post), I had some major breakthroughs spiritually and just when I needed it, donations came in to keep me doing God’s work.

After I praised God, met a Chinese Christian in my room, prayed with her on the floor, I felt a sudden urgency to go eat.

It was around 7pm. The Lord said “Go to Khaosan Rd”. So I went, I walked past this restaurant I walked past before (which was playing christian music), but tonight there was someone playing guitar and singing.

God had given me a vision of a black haired person. I looked at the menu and was like, “it’s a bit overpriced” but the Lord was like “that’s why donations came in and also there is someone you need to pray for”, so I went.

I sat down and the Lord was like it’s him.

I suddenly had a vision of the singer praising Jesus and there were thousands of Thai people praising Jesus in song. It was so beautiful.

I started clapping for him and he would look back at me.

Later the Lord said he was going to go on break and to catch him when he does go on break. Right when I finished eating, he stopped and started packing up.

I yelled “ARE YOU FINISHED? Come sit”. And he said he would after he packed.

Well, he went the restroom and when he came out I stopped him. I said, you have amazing talent. I just wanted to tell you that I could see you praising Jesus and singing. He said “well I’m Buddhist, though I do believe in Jesus too”.

After talking a bit he laughed “actually I have a cross tattoo, my ex was a Christian”. He said ever since they broke up, he feels so free and he could give love to people.

I prayed over him and told him that God sent me to him.

He told me that his ex band member stopped singing to open a bar because he could not become successful or famous from it and I said “when you follow Jesus, when you sing for God- God will provide everything you need”. But when you sing to make yourself famous, you will fail or not be happy. 

Praise God for this divine encounter. Please pray for him 🙂

To Read About My Story 

To Sow A Seed to This Ministry and what I am doing around the world, bringing Jesus’ love to people.  

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