Living Against Cultural Norms

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Living Against Cultural Norms 11/25/2018, 9th day in Shanghai China, 4 months overseas, written in the middle of the night on my notebook.
I’ve gone through more challenges than I would care to experience following Jesus and ministering to people in different countries. It’s easy to hide behind a computer but when you are interacting and living with people on a daily basis you’ll face many objections and challenges.

For one, sexism.
Another, the spirit of intimidation and control (witchcraft).
Another, hurt.
There were times I had to ask people to put their phones on silent mode in the dorm rooms. In a 8 bed dorm room you’ll encounter plenty of people.

When I asked this guy to silence his phone as all kinds of sounds were coming from his phone (BTW the first night I got woken up by someone watching porn on their phone, no headphones), he ignored me and pretended I didn’t exist.

He finally got off his bed, which is the top bunk above mine.

When I confronted him, he looked away and pretended I didn’t exist.
Then he stared at me and said “are you crazy? Why are you staring at me?”
I was speechless.
This kind of person exists in this world?
When I told other chinese people about it they said I should just ignore it. They ignore many things. To them it’s part of life- longsuffering.

I believe God calls us to forgive and love our enemies, but He doesn’t call us to be silent.

In fact, a prophet is supposed to speak in the face of opposition, persecution and intimidation.

This week I also showed my past TV appearance videos to some people. They were shocked as I was “skinnier” and “prettier” back then, they said.

I said “I didn’t know who I was back then, I felt that I needed to put on makeup but now I don’t feel the need to put on a “face” for anyone.

But those words still affected me and I had to climb out of the “feeling of not being enough” hole. The truth is I didn’t each much back then out of the fear of lack and the fear of gaining weight. When moments like that occur I have to look at Jesus and reaffirm “I am enough in Christ Jesus”.

I had a dream last night I hadn’t changed water in a tank for 3 weeks and the fishes were in a really thick shampooed filled liquid.

I had another dream a woman pastor layed her hands on my head and I started sobbing. When I woke up I could hear myself crying.

The process of loving others is not easy. I find myself angry and hurt at times, laughing at other times.

I share my testimonies and of God’s grace to people who aren’t perfect- like me.
People who are scared of intimacy, vulnerability, letting anotone into their hearts, people who carry a spirit of lack and don’t feel like they are enough, people who feel guilt and shame and sometimes have no capacity to give me any love because they haven’t embraced God’s love.

Even though I experience joy in these friendships, I’m ultimately still a pastor, minister, prophet.

Its not a 2 way street. I may be sharing intimate parts of my heart but I am never to look for belonging or acceptance from people I minister to because my home is God, no one else.

Perhaps the joy I felt caused me to think that I’ve found new friends, but close friends are people who can actually level up with you.

God will humble you and cause your heart to be enlarged, but your heart will also have to process continual rejection and persecution.

Most of the time people don’t understand me but my job is to share what is on God’s heart and know my belonging is in God.

Being a pastor to the lost sheep is not easy.

It’s a calling for people who will surrender to their hearts continually to God.

It’s a calling for warriors.
It’s a calling for those who won’t give up in the face of strong opposition.

Sow a seed

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Don’t Stay Stuck

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Prophetic Word November 23, 2018
One of the tactic of the enemy is to make you think you’ve found your nest with people you think you belong with. But you know their true character.

They are not your destiny.

Your belonging is in Christ, not in people.
The enemy will send people to make you feel comfortable or familiar and because you’ve felt “alone” for so long you will think “maybe this is where I belong”, but

ARE they pushing you to GROW or allowing you to be STUCK in mud?

True friends will pull you out of the mud and not allow you to stay in it or even allow you to drown in mud.

Beward of wolves in sheep skin, they might even be your family members or friends.
A true prophet will not say what you want to hear but tell you the truth. A desire to fit in and be accepted by those around you will be detrimental to your growth.
You belong to God.
You are already accepted and approved by God.
Your only way is forward.

Beware of those who want to entertain you with mud (the past) because God wants you to move forward.
You must push through the familiar voices, they are distractions from your destiny and true freedom.

Beware of those who just say what you want to hear or give advice that allow you to stay stuck.
Not everyone will make it out. Some will stay in the mud.

You don’t dim your light to accommodate peoples’ darkness, you shine your light- even brighter to bring change to darkness.

 

Just because it feels comfortable doesn’t mean it’s a path from God. Sometimes the more you find your freedom the more you should face and confront difficult conversations and blockages. 

Because your path to FREEDOM comes with battles.

 

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Happiness Is Not Selfish

When you follow your heart, listen to your heart, act on your heart’s desires, you actually allow others to do the same.

Yesterday I was talking to a guy and I said “If peoples’ happiness depend on what you do or don’t do for them, isn’t their happiness based on sinking sand and not on inner peace? Many times Asians live for their families and parents but your parents need to find their own happiness too, it shouldn’t be dependent on your actions and what you decide to do with your life. THIS IS codependency! lt is unhealthy and is not healthy for both parties.
When you tell your truth you actually allow that person to grow as well. You are afraid of hurting that person’s feeling by creating healthy boundaries but you actually hurt them by not telling them. Because awareness leads to change if that person is willing to grow.”

FYI I am currently in Shanghai, China.

We were talking about how Chinese culture is very much about sacrificing for our family, and being “unhappy” for the sake of others.

Think Amy Tan.

But who said that being unhappy for others leads to their happiness.

That’s a total lie.

When you are happy, you actually give others permission to be happy. And happiness (in a healthy and whole way), not in a slave to desire kind of way. I’m talking about being fearless in your life, knowing you are enough kind of way. I’m not talking about a shopping spree happy kind of way, I’m talking about living out of your heart and not what society deems as happiness.

I told him- you are worthy.

I said you are actually in a season where you are opening your heart and showing your vulnerability, showing your weaknesses, being unafraid to to speak your truth….overcoming the fear of rejection.

This is a prophetic word for you.

Some of you have been in hiding but the Lord is saying to come out of hiding. Speak your truth, you are worthy. Tell your story, you are enough. Don’t be afraid of rejection because you know who you are in Christ Jesus.

The time is now.

What Is Your Life Built On?

Matthew 6:19-21

Treasures in Heaven

19 “Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. 20 But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. 21 For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.”

Is your life built on what others think of you?

If your life built on what your parents expect from you?

Is your life built on a career, something that might shift and change?

Is your life built on money, accruing more stuff, more houses, more clothes? (where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal)

Is your life built on finding the perfect guy/girl? (there is no such thing as perfection)

Is your life built on fame and reputation? (someone will always have something to say)

My life is built on Jesus.

I’ve lived my life for others before, I was a mommy pleaser, I tried to be the good Asian daughter, the driven and accomplished model citizen, but then I followed Jesus into entrepreneurship, freelancing, eventually answering the call to be a pastor to the lost sheep. I had no reputation, I actually gained haters and gained ill repute with some family members. I have trolls on my blog.

But I think that if I didn’t answer my call, I wouldn’t be praying for people who have breast cancer, I would be healing broken hearted people, I wouldn’t be praying over homeless people “you are not an orphan, but a son of God, I break off the spirit of orphan, fear and rejection, you are not a criminal, but forgiven”.

There is no better feeling than knowing that YOU’VE imparted TRUE identity to someone.

To tell them YOU ARE FREE! No longer under condemnation.

YOU ARE FREE.

A testimony from the other day: 

Today I felt led to pray for a lady in the bathroom and after she said, next time pray for me again. I have cancer. She said I have breast cancer and am going through treatment. So I prayed for her again. This time in a vision I actually saw her breast grow back, have never seen that but I said yes you are healed.

Then later on I picked up a 5 cents coin and looked up to see a homeless man. I prayed for this man Dean and he told me his story. His coworker was trying to harm him and he reacted with violence. He was charged with attempted murder. Two years in prison, he got out and he didn’t have family to turn to and started living on the streets.

I was praying “you are not an orphan, you are a son of God”. He said he became so close to Jesus on the streets. He says that people who everything have nothing without Jesus. I agreed with him.

I said you are called to be a preacher. He said, I know. I’ve been running away.

Then I told him my testimony of being called. Not with a specific church, not ordained, have no seminary background. But I do His work everyday, praying for those that need it.

We talked a lot while sitting on the ground, under the sun. I’m pretty sure many passerbys were staring, but we were flowing.

He said he had a brother in Cape Town. I said God wants you to reach out to him. I said “you don’t realize this but when you ask people for help, when they help you God actually blesses them. So in actuality you are actually helping them break out of the spirit of fear and lack”.

Then I prayed for a lady in a chinese restaurant who was very worried about his son not succeeding in math class. He is 9 years old, in a cram school. I said, your child is God’s. He will take care of him. It’s not your responsibility to worry, let go and surrender this to God.

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The Holy Spirit Vs. The Religious Spirit

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Often times when I ask to pray for people on the streets, bathrooms, malls, restaurants people ask me “what church do you go to?” as if a church would give me legitimacy. Some people ask me if I went to seminary, as if seminary gives someone legitimacy.

Without the holy spirit, it doesn’t matter what qualifications you have, you are still operating from the flesh and from a fleshly mind. 

For some reason people think that if you are with a specific church, then you are a true prophet. WRONG. There are plenty of false prophets that are in megachurches, that lead megachurches and are not filled with Jesus or the holy spirit.

The only thing that qualifies you is the fact that Jesus died on the cross for you and He paid for it, it’s the HOLY SPIRIT in me that heals sicknesses, diseases, heartaches, identity. It’s the blood of Jesus that heals, nothing else.

It’s not a name of the church that heals the sick, it’s not what theology I know that heals the broken hearted, it’s the name of Jesus and those who have a true relationship with Jesus.

It is the religious spirit that wants to disqualify people from walking in their calling to simply touch peoples’ lives and hearts by the pure unadulterated love of God. 

And the Holy Spirit can do whatever, whenever.

When God gave me a dream this week about China, I didn’t hesitate. Yes, I thought He initially wanted me to go to Paris in December, but when the Holy Spirit speaks, it doesn’t what preconceived notion you had, you move with Him.

So I booked a ticket to China. And I realized that God was speaking very loudly even before this dream. I had been staying in an airbnb where the owner had moved to China, someone from 10 years ago emailed me and asked if I was going to China anytime soon, I was craving Chinese food having been in South Africa for a month, the people around me were being called to China.

When God moves, you must move with Him. Before I went overseas, the Lord told me I was going to China as well, but I thought it was going to be later (2019) but there are people I need to pray for and timing is EVERYTHING.

There are so many people I would not have been able to reach or pray for if I didn’t obey God. People I prayed for just had job interviews, some just lost their jobs, some needed finances, some had broken hearts and severe backaches, hereditary diseases, some were running away from God’s calling. 

Some people, a few months after are no longer stuck. Some are living their calling, some have answered the call to ministry, some have learned more about their identity in Christ, but there are hundreds, even thousands of lives touched because I chose to say yes.

I’ve prayed for people in bathrooms, on buses, in restaurants, everywhere. It’s been a ride.

I am currently doing a fundraiser to raise funds for my on going ministry. Specifically I had to fund most of the trip on my own and when God finally told me to do a fundraiser, I realize that what I’m doing, is going to save lives, transform lives, change the world.

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Why I Left Everything To Follow Jesus

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Where do I even begin?

When I was young, I wanted to be a missionary but I didn’t want to live in a hut.

Slowly I started to believe a lie that I had to be successful in the world to be influential (or a light). I started pursuing my “dreams” and “goals” to be this successful and independent career woman. I was going to write books and speak around the world. I believe I am still going to do those things…however, my motive wasn’t right.

My motive wasn’t right because I didn’t believe that I was enough. 

I grew up with a single mom, didn’t see my dad for 10 years and grew up with a cloud of abandonment and rejection over my head.

God started to heal me. This road was long and strenuous.

I basically ran my own road thinking it was God’s. I ran myself dry. I was in a drought. I was still following God, but I wanted to do it my way.

The truth is I was running away. I was in pain, but I couldn’t face the pain of healing.

I went from running my own business to backpacking in Europe for 2 months, on my last leg of the journey I woke up from a dream where the Lord specifically told me to quit my career. When I went back all the finances dried up and the Lord told me to sell everything and follow Him. I was late on rent and my family was accusing me of living an irresponsible life.

So there I was laying at my friend’s house. God said “at 3pm you will know where to move”. Well, my mom had already offered up her place. The idea of living in a studio with my mother (who I have clashing personalities) did not seem like such a good idea.

But that’s exactly where God wanted me to be. And I surrendered. 

He wanted me to go through the grueling healing process of reconciling with my mother. I proceeded to spend 2 years living with her. During this time God also told me that I was a pastor to the lost sheep and that I was not to pursue any work opportunities. 

Imagine, you are almost 30 and the Lord tells you to rest.

All of society would be criticizing you, wouldn’t they?

Well, I went through the test of accusations left and right, until the point I knew who I was.

“I am a daughter of God and I am righteous in His eyes, I am approved by Him and not by men or women. I stand firm in this identity, Jesus paid the price for me”. 

After 2 years, the Lord said “it’s time to go”.

I packed my bags and went. I thought I would stay in Taiwan for a year, but the Lord actually wanted me to gather the lost sheep in different corners of the world. I went from no energy to praying for strangers on the street everyday. I went from timid to bold. I went from fearing to being fearless.

I went from needing recognition to simply being unknown. 

I wanted the spotlight but then I found identity in being loved by God. God led me through different industries like acting and real estate to show me that my worth couldn’t be found in any of that. 

Now, I spend days pursuing lost sheep. I ask to pray for people who laugh at me and reject me. I pursue sheep that avoid me because they know I will speak the truth to them. I climb mountains and dive deep to find the ones who have been wounded by religion or the church, I find those that are not believers in Jesus and I tell them Jesus loves them.

There are days I can’t stand the persecution, the pain, the rejection, the weariness, the attacks of the enemy and I’ll just cry to Jesus.

But I do it because Jesus changed me, He healed my heart of brokenness and He loves me.

Sow A Seed- Thank You!

Prophetic Word- A Call To Ministry

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Right now God is commissioning and sending out many people who have been on the edge of their own plans and God’s plans.

You see, Jesus walked on this earth and called many. He said “peter, follow me, you’ll be fishers of men”. Peter followed. Many left their homes and careers to pursue what Jesus was doing on this earth.

God is calling many right now. 

I have been talking to a lot of people and prophesying to “move forward”. For many that means quitting their jobs, moving, aligning themselves with where God is calling them. You see Jesus was always on the move on this earth. He never really settled too long in one place because His food was to do the Father’s will. 

There are so many Christians that are holding onto their own lives because they are afraid that the Father God won’t take care of them or provide for them. When Jesus told me to sell everything and follow Him, I was scared, but I followed because nothing else seemed to satisfy my heart.

The other day I got to prophesy over a young lady at the salon. God told me “she is a preacher”. I said “you are a preacher”. She said “I just want to work for myself”, but I felt the Lord say it so strongly…

It was a spirit of unworthiness that had her.

Many of us don’t believe we have what it takes, but it’s not us, it’s Jesus in us enabling and empowering us. 

I have prayed for hundreds of people on this trip, security guards, random strangers, anywhere and everywhere…and I noticed that God has just been calling through me to others “you are called to preach, you are called to be a missionary”.

But the fear of lack prevents many from moving forward.

Just yesterday the Lord finally gave me a huge breakthrough. He showed me that I was feeling unworthy because of past accusations. He showed me how many people accused me when I fundraised for my trips, some people from my past church told me “you don’t go to my church anymore so I won’t support you”, some like my mother said “why should people support you when they are working for their money”, some trolls on my blog even accused me by saying “get a real job”.

You see why I didn’t ever want to fundraise?

I had left everything already to follow Jesus, yet I was being dishonored, rejected and scorned.

By in obedience to the Lord Jesus I continued, casting my cares on Him.

He said to me “you are worthy, what you are doing is the most important work in this earth and in heaven, souls are being saved, people are being freed from fear. You prophesy dreams and work miracles. This is the only work, the Father’s will, that is worth doing”.

I sense many women especially are breaking free from expectations and pursuing what God has called them to do.

This does not mean that you may go to seminary or join an organization for the Holy Spirit is BREAKING structures and institutions so that the REAL work can be done. Institutions have often LIMITED what the SPIRIT wants to do. CHURCHES have LIMITED what the SPIRIT wants to do. FUNDS AND FINANCES HAVE BEEN RESTRICTED AND NOT GIVEN TO THOSE WHO ARE DOING THE REAL WORK OF GOD.

Women have not been able to PREACH at churches because of false ideas about verses in the bible. The reason Paul said that women are not allowed to preach is BECAUSE BACK IN THE DAYS there were WITCHES who were preaching in the church, they were involved in witchcraft…(if I remember right from my earlier research), basically they were not OPERATING OUT OF THE SPIRIT.

Anyways, that’s not the point…the point is that the Spirit lives in all believers, not just men.

Because of many archaic ideas about women preaching, we have not seen the full manifestation of what God wants to do on this earth. 

I am a pastor. I pastor people everywhere I go, I don’t have a title from a church,  God called me Himself….so if men say “women can’t be pastors” their real argument is “they can’t be recognized by people, they should NOT BE SEEN, THEY SHOULD NOT RECEIVE APPLAUSE”, but it’s not men who recognizes or approves of women, but GOD! They are basically saying “I don’t want woman to RECEIVE THE HONOR they are worthy to receive because I (A MAN) want ALL THE GLORY!” 

BUT TO GOD BE THE GLORY ALONE!

I pastor people and no one sees. I pastor people in hostels and on the streets, I listen to people who I don’t expect to give me anything in return. I do it because Jesus is loving through me. I follow Him because I am in love with Jesus.

I don’t do it for the recognition.

And if I ever followed Jesus for the recognition than Jesus definitely burned that out of me because He brought me to the lowly place….a pastor who will sleep in a 10 bed dorm room. A pastor who doesn’t own a phone right now.

Even when the religious spirit tried to block me from preaching, the Spirit sent me to different churches, as a new comer, with no notification (as a visitor, not a guest speaker) He would tell me to pray for people and eventually I’d pray for the pastor. And the Spirit would rain down on that church as I prayed and prophesied over them.

I’m TIRED OF people wanting the glory! It’s JESUS that gets the glory!

God is calling MANY OF YOU TO GIVE UP YOUR LIVES FOR HIM. For the anointing flows in surrender. Let the Spirit live and love through you.

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