The People Pleaser & The Master Manipulator, Finding Wholeness in a World That Lacks Love

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Today we will talk about two types of people:

  1. The people pleaser- always playing in line with what others want, in fear of judgement, rejection, feelings of shame, and feelings of unworthiness.
  2. Master manipulator- angry at what life didn’t give them, manipulating others to get what they want

Both operate from a spirit of lack.

This post may hit at the target at everything you’ve ever felt in your whole life.

I have been both but for much of my life I was a people pleaser. My mother often “made me” feel guilty or ashamed to be alive. My dad was supposedly cheating on my mother when she was pregnant with me so I often felt like I was paying penance with my life, subjugated to simply do what she wanted me to so that she wouldn’t feel so bad about herself.

I wonder how many of us feel this way? That we aren’t worthy to even be alive.

It wasn’t my fault.

The same spirit that accused and blamed me my whole life, even using my mom’s anger towards herself and her life circumstances accused me this week.

An airbnb owner (who happens to be pregnant) accused me of asking for too much when I asked for a quiet house on several occasions. Apparently the housemate was offended. Here I was thinking that we were all becoming friends when in actuality, they were talking behind my back.

She came home, exploding. She said I was selfish for expecting everyone to cater towards my need. I said “you opened an airbnb business, it was your choice, and I’m simply being honest”.

I knew that this was all the devil trying to accuse me.

I felt guilty when the owner stopped talking to me. When I said hi the other day she didn’t even look at me.

I felt my shoulders tighten.

Then it hit me. My mom does that when she is mad at me. She doesn’t acknowledge my existence as a way to punish me. I wonder if that’s connected with her blaming me for her pain, her pain of feeling abandoned by my dad, her pain of feeling neglected, unloved.

It’s not my fault though.

Finally, it’s not my fault. It’s not my fault. And it’s not your fault, however your parents punish you for their own feelings of unworthiness. 

I kept hearing God say “it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong, you were simply being honest and speaking up for your needs”. 

The owner’s accusation was a way to make me feel guilty for speaking up and wanting what I wanted.

Perhaps that is why most people stop asking for what they want or need- because they have a fear that people will reject, shame, judge or condemn them for their desires or opinions.

I felt a sense of responsibility to right the wrong- but I didn’t do anything wrong, I was only speaking my mind and truth.

Shame and guilt shuts people up.

Shame causes people to be silent. 

I realized that this wasn’t about me, it was about the owner. She was too stressed, working full time, managing an airbnb (her own house), pregnant.

Was it that I was being selfish or that she just wasn’t loving herself enough?

People who call others selfish usually don’t love themselves enough and aren’t “selfish” enough. They live out of a spirit of lack and often expect others to compensate for the lack of love they feel. 

In actuality, no one is responsible to love you. It’s your responsibility to love yourself first, to allow God to love you and then to speak up for what it is you need and want. Sure, in a relationship, in family, people do love you, but they do it out of what they are capable of doing. Most people don’t have ENOUGH love to give because they don’t realize they are enough in Christ Jesus.

People can only love you to the capacity they love themselves. If they “love” you above what they can give themselves, they are “sacrificing” themselves at the cost of loving you. And there is then a deficit. a shortage. When there is a shortage, people often feel bitter about the love they give you.

In truth, all of what I described is not love at all, it’s actually based out of fear. 

People sacrifice themselves at the cost of loving themselves because they fear that you will essentially LEAVE or reject them if they don’t sacrifice themselves.

But there is no fear in love because perfect love casts out fear.

So what would it look like to live in love? 

  1. Speaking up for how I actually feel, need and want without fear of judgement or rejection.
  2. There is no need for “sacrifice”, just love.
  3. Sure there may be compromises, but not compromises that are based out of fear.

The owner told me that it is in Malaysian culture to sacrifice to the point that they can’t take it anymore. But when I talked to two male Malaysians, they said “no, I don’t believe that” so I wonder if it’s mostly just with women….this theme of sacrifice.

I don’t need to sacrifice because Jesus became the ultimate sacrifice on the cross.

Sure, I have left everything to follow Jesus to share the love of Christ with people, but in truth, it’s not a sacrifice because I am following my heart and what truly gives me fulfillment. 

My heart is full when I love people, and when I allow others that I meet to love me. But I ultimately go to God.

God does not call us to sacrifice, he says come to me with a broken and contrite heart, this I will not despise. He doesn’t call us to be strong, He calls us to lay ourselves at His feet at all times. 

I found myself fighting this battle of shame and guilt through words and prayer.

“I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus”. 

We battle with not enough, we battle with feelings of shame, guilt, condemnation- but in Christ, we are enough and we are righteous.

When you know you are enough in Christ Jesus, you’ll love with an open heart, one that is pure and without manipulation, guilt, witchcraft, control or a need to sacrifice.

When we sacrifice, we live out of a belief that there is lack, that somewhere God won’t fill the void if we don’t personally fill it. 

But in Christ, there is no lack. There is only an abundance of love. So if we are not able, say so. Christ is more than enough. God does not need us to be strong. God wants us to be weak and for Him to be strong for us.

Sow a seed- Your giving makes changing lives possible as I minister to and share the gospel of grace to people around the world! There is an ongoing need to fulfill the mandate the Lord has put on my life. Join me as I change and save lives! 

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You Have The Right To Follow Your Heart

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One of the things I find very disturbing about what some Christians teach is that they hide under the guise or the “covering” of the church and do not have opinions or trust that God is speaking to them.

So they move only in the direction of what they’re told by leaders in the church and no longer have a mind of their own.

As someone who hears God and follows His voice I often meet Christians who say “wouldn’t it be better if you went with someone else” or a group?

As though Jesus in me is not enough and if the signs and miracles that God has worked through me isn’t evident of His presence in me and in my life. 

I am often reminded of the pharisees who saw the miracles and signs yet still doubted that God could really work through one person.

They are essentially saying “you can’t trust that God can speak to one individual or work miracles through one person”.

In fact this thinking is ancient.

It’s like having a catholic priest to “confess” your sins to and atone for your sins.

But Jesus’ BLOOD IS enough.

So many Christians are taught not to trust their heart and because of this, we do not see manifestations of God as much as God intended.

The reason I see God working through me is because I trust that IT IS God speaking to me and I act upon it. 

God puts every desire in your heart and ONLY BY listening to it will you essentially be listening to the spirit.

Leaders in the church have systematically taken “power” away from people by teaching this lie- that God only works through groups, not individuals and that their hearts are not to be trusted.

You see ONE head of that group who controls them and “corrects” them when they’ve gone astray.

This IS THE RELIGIOUS SPIRIT, a demonic spirit that entraps people and gets them forever stuck, to not have any voice or thought of their own but to be a mere robot that merely listens to a person or group herd mentality.

It says in the BIBLE that you have the mind of Christ when you receive Him into your heart.

GOD IS NOT AGAINST OUR DESIRES, HE PUTS DESIRES IN OUR HEARTS AND IT IS HIS LEADING. 

If a man was to follow the Spirit people probably wouldn’t QUESTION that GOD is working through him, but for some reason as a woman, I have tons of people asking me that maybe I should find a person to go with, that God should send my husband so I’m not alone out here on the field (in whatever country I am in).

HEY GUYS! 

I’M NOT ALONE! I WAS NEVER ALONE. JESUS IS MORE PRESENT THAN ANY HUMAN BEING ON THIS EARTH.

AND HE IS WORKING POWERFULLY THROUGH ME. AND I DO NOT FEEL ALONE, though I may feel misunderstood, I SAY I AM THE RIGHTEOUSNESS of CHRIST JESUS, I AM ENOUGH IN CHRIST JESUS.

After I struggled with thoughts of lack because someone asked if I should maybe go with someone- I suddenly had all these revelations about being enough. Even in this way. Following your heart and trusting that GOD is the one in you leading you, I decided to get a henna tattoo as a reminder.

And yes that is a mosquito bite. LOL.

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YOU ARE FREE, not a slave.

You are free, you are enough because of what Jesus did on the cross for you.

I had a remembrance of when I left a certain church because of legalism that someone said “I wish you came and prayed with us”.

What she really meant was “I wish I had the chance to change your mind, control you because I want you to stay and take over the worship team because I am the one leaving”.

God had already spoken to me “you’ve reach your limit here, it’s time to move on”.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.

Even if someone doesn’t agree with you, it’s important to listen to what your heart is telling you.

The traditional and ancient church have suppressed women by telling them that they cannot have their own thoughts or even preach. They are much mistaken and it is the PURE work of the Devil, not God. In fact there were many prophetesses in the Bible. Jesus always came to liberate women, not to judge or condemn them.

When everyone tried to condemn a prostitute, He forgave and freed them. He protected them. 

I pray that this post will set you free to know that your heart is worth listening to and it is God speaking.

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Prophetic Word- Let Go of What’s Not Working So You Can Receive The New

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Here’s the story.

Today I got back to the hostel really excited to do my laundry. But then this happened- the washer wouldn’t open after my clothes were done being washed.

I tried hard to open it but realized I needed to give up quick. In Korea my clothes got stuck in the washer and I ended up having to leave them. This time there was someone who could help me but I needed to wait so while I was waiting for the manager, I was hit with a revelation.

If you never let go of old clothes, you don’t have room for new clothes when you’re traveling because when you travel, it will actually COST YOU MONEY (It will cost you to hold onto past hurts, old wounds, unforgiveness, old ways of thinking, fear, anger, bitterness, the past) TO bring on EXTRA BAGGAGE! 

Most airlines only give you either one or two carry on and for international flights, one baggage. There is also a limit to how much you can bring onto the flight. For international flights it is 20 kg. 

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Guess what?

You will be weighed down emotionally and spiritually if you don’t let go of the past. 

If there is extra luggage (baggage) in your heart, you won’t be able to step into the new season ready to receive the new things. 

If you don’t let go of your past relationship (or bitterness about it) you can’t go into a new relationship with room to receive the love you are looking for.

Here’s what God said
“some people are NOT willing to throw out things that AREN’T WORKING because they feel like they WASTED so much money on it already”.

You say- “IT COST ME TOO MUCH already!” It cost you too much time, it cost you too much energy, it cost you me too much heartache!

For example, your clothes were really expensive or cost a lot of money but you never wear it….it’s costing you space.

JUST LIKE a relationship that isn’t working IS COSTING YOU EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL SPACE, and EVEN space where another person is supposed to be.

JUST LIKE an old mindset which isn’t working is costing you space, depression, fear, limited beliefs.

YOU feel like “I ALREADY SPENT SO MUCH TIME or money on it, I’m not willing to give it up, I ALREADY GOT HEART BROKEN OVER THIS, I can’t break it off”.

GOD’s LIKE YO! WAKE UP!

If you’re not WEARING it, it’s not worth keeping it because it is emotional SPACE.

Don’t get weighed down, God wants us to live in freedom. And that means being willing to let go when it is time.

Some people will not allow you to let go of them when it’s time, but it’s your life and you need to set boundaries for what you want in life.

I remember waking up one day and realizing that I wanted to have a heart committed to my future husband so I deleted and unfollowed every guy I ever had feelings for.

If you want what God has for you, you must be willing to let go of what isn’t for you. And be committed to trusting God and waiting for the right promises, the right people and refuse to settle for what’s lower than God intended.

Just as I waited for the manager to unlock the washer, so must we wait when things don’t happen right away. There’s no use in forcing something to open when God has a perfect timing for when He wants and is allowing something to happen. He knows when we are ready for it. Whatever it is.

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The Making Of A Prophet

 

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“But I tell you the truth, no prophet is accepted in his own hometown.”- Luke 4:24

I don’t wish that anyone be called by God to be a prophet, pastor, evangelists. What you see in America is not what being called actually looks like, most people don’t tell you what the process looks like to be called. 

The biggest struggle I’ve had to go through is being rejected, by everyone. The biggest lesson I learned in being rejected is that “I am worthy, I am enough”.

I’m going to tell you what it actually looks like to be called. Growing up in a conservative church, people didn’t really believe me when I told them that “God told me”. I had a ear for God early on, but didn’t know it was being spirit filled.

I listened and will follow Him where He was leading. I got booted out essentially by the conservatives. Later on I tried to pursue success in the world and failed miserably as God closed all the doors. He said “You are a pastor to the lost sheep”. 

Now He also called me after my failed attempt to be successful in the world to “sell everything and follow Him”. I proceeded to returned my leased car, my apartment that  I was already two months behind in rent, and I basically did everything that a model citizen wouldn’t do.

After years of being “independent” I moved back home with my mom. I felt like I was losing everything I built my life on. I lost my career, my laptop crashed, I didn’t have a sim card for 3 years.

The accusations got louder and louder- “what are you doing with your life? You are almost 30. Stop wasting your life. Get a real job”.

Well, God told me very specifically to rest and to follow His voice. So there I was praying for people on buses and on the streets. I didn’t know that my life would essentially look like that NOW but I am praying for so many more people on a daily basis.

You see, I looked like I was living an irresponsible life but I was setting people free from fear and bondage, I was healing backaches and speaking identity into orphaned hearted people. But that didn’t seem to matter to my mom. 

But in those 2 years God restored more of our relationship.

So I lost everything but I gained the Lord. Jesus.

All my vices suddenly disappeared as the Lord started healing everything wounded in me. I stopped wanting to drink whereas in my early twenties I often found myself drowning my pain in alcohol or going out with people.

Now people offer me alcohol and I just don’t want it. It’s not because of self-discipline but because God has took away any desire so that I can be sober minded.

It says to be vigilant for the enemy is always prowling to attack, this is true. I let my spiritual guard down when I am drunk. But now I am drunk with the SPIRIT of GOD. And it is INCREDIBLE.

In 2014 I also broke up with my ex and I stopped dating. Suddenly I didn’t need attention from men anymore. THAT WOUND HEALED. The Lord did it. You see even if a nice looking guy shows up I can read his mind and his spirit!

So what did the process look like? LOTS of tears and rejection. Being rejected by your own relatives, friends, being judged about your life. Traveling to places and sometimes not knowing what I would eat or if I had money to eat, being laughed at when I get in front of a stranger in front of a big crowd of people, being ridiculed. 

YES, people say “no” all the time when I ask to pray for them. Yes, people laugh at me.

When I tell people I’m a prophet, some laugh. Some people who don’t believe in Jesus laugh and ridicule me. Some people think I’m saying it to be boastful and they attack me.

But you know what I say “I don’t wish it upon anyone because the cost has been great”.

Now more than ever what I pray over people is this “you are enough in Christ Jesus, there is now no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus. You are righteous by grace and not by works”. This SETS PEOPLE FREE because they are no longer under judgement, but FREEDOM. 

I had to go through all that to know what IDENTITY MEANS.

The crazy thing is that the farther I went from Los Angeles, the more I was actually honored as a prophet and as a human being. Above is a picture of my brother in Christ. I have received such encouragement from people I have met here, in Japan and in Korea. Though I was once dishonored and rejected, God is restoring honor to me.

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The Path of Intimacy

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The path of intimacy with Jesus requires that He prunes you (to cut off or cut back parts of for better shape or more fruitful growth- Mirriam Webster).

Jesus will prune you of things that are not of Him, unhealthy soul ties, attachment to things or status, a need for external things to validate your identity. 

He does this not because He is mean, but because He is good. First He has to prune you from what you think you need.

Because He is ALL that you need. And He is the only one that will complete you so that you become enough, whole, NOT lacking. 

He wants to give you ALL things, He wants to bless you and spoil you.

But He cannot do it when you are wanting it out of lack. Because in Christ you are not lacking. 

Imagine if you felt like there was something missing within you, so you go searching for it- in a relationship, in your career, in your finances, in material things, in fame, in status, in reputation, in how others view you….

You ask God to answer your prayers.

“God please give me this and that, please give me a husband, please please….because I don’t have enough and I am not enough….ultimately, because I don’t believe that you are enough”.

God wants to give you EVERYTHING, but He will make sure that LACK belief is out of your system before He blesses you. He wants that blessing to be a representation of WHO YOU ARE, not who you are not.

Ultimately, He wants you to know who He is in the process. He wants you to know His heart for you, He wants to sing over you versus you getting what you want and then walking away, then desperately praying for Him to deliver you when you are in a bind.

Are you willing to be solely committed to Jesus, as His bride? (even if you are a man)

Do you believe He will never leave nor forsake you? Will you walk with Him in the process instead of running away or only coming to Him when you are desperate?

A wife trusts, relies on her husband. Jesus who is whole and complete made you whole and complete with His sacrifice on the cross. You are not lacking one thing. 

When you believe you are whole, all things will be added unto you. Everything you could ever imagine and much more. 

Prophetic Word: TAKE UP THE ROOM

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I woke up from a dream where I was in a room and I said “I have a part of this room that is invisible”, then there was a pipe that was connected to the washer and dryer and old dust and huge pieces of lint was coming out. I said “we seriously need to get the parts changed”.

When I woke up I kept hearing “take up the room”.

“Take up the room.

You were once invisible, but take up the room. Be visible. You are visible no matter HOW much you try to hide. They are all staring because they see a light within you, SHINE.

Don’t be embarrassed, you will not be humiliated.

Don’t be ashamed, because I have redeemed you- says the Lord.

Walk proudly with your head up.

I am cleaning out the old things that no longer resemble you. No longer are you a widow or a barren women/men. You have and are continuing to birth new things that no men or women has seen. You are NOT like the world. The world clamors AFTER the bright lights, but they have NOTHING to show.

YOU, you have truth, you have light. You have hope, you are amazing. My spirit lives within you, that is truth. Diamonds and gold cannot COMPARE to you. 

Your clothes can’t even represent you because your true light is THE ESSENCE of you, the ENERGY of you, the vibes. You emanate wonder.

When you SPEAK you roar like a lion, causing all to be surprised. How can something so piercing to the soul come from a small woman/man like you?

You are not small, you are grand.

No matter how people view you, you are grand in my eyes. You are a king/queen. You are destined to rule. Though you are now laying down what was, look- how I am giving you new garments of praise, new futures. Things you have never seen, never could have imagined for yourself.

Though you wept and grieved for the last season, now rejoice, I am doing something new.

You will not be humiliated, for I the LORD am your strong redeemer. I will redeem the places that caused you pain, I will repay you for what you lost. All is not lost. I said ALL is not lost. I AM redeeming it ALL WITH interest!!

You WILL NOT remember the tears you cried.

For it is finished.”

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Prophetic Word: I AM MAKING ALL THINGS NEW!

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If you have ignored every single post…THIS IS THE ONE YOU WANT TO READ.

“I AM MAKING ALL THINGS NEW- says the Lord. 

I am making all things new!!
I am turning your mourning into laughing!
I am turning your grief into joy!
LETTING GO of the old might seem difficult BUT OH the JOY of the new!

No one can FATHOM what GOD has in store for you! NO ONE! It is SO GOOD!! He is such a good good father, HE is smiling just thinking about how HAPPY YOU will be when HE unveils the surprises (I am literally tearing up).

You will literally weep in joy when you see the NEW life God has for you! You will be SO GLAD you didn’t settle! You will be SO GLAD you trusted God when things looked foggy. You will be SO GLAD you took the road less taken.
You Will Be So GLAD you chose to submit to the PROCESS of sonship versus the easy path of the world. 
You will rejoice ‘thank you father for never leaving nor forsaking me!'”

God is about to reveal HIS sons and daughters on this earth. He is positioning and aligning people RIGHT NOW via relocations, movements and travels. He is going to put you in the right place at the right time and NO one can take CREDIT for it!!

“YOU who have been hidden in the wilderness, YOU who I specifically PUT away in holding IS NOW being served to the world as a REMINDER of my glory ON this earth. PEOPLE will STAND IN AWE of WHO YOU ARE. YOU will carry a presence of JESUS that they have NEVER SEEN! NEVER!!!!! They have never seen a Christ follower that LOVES LIKE YOU LOVE. You will not have the religious spirit, you are SO counter culture. You will carry the true essence and aroma of being a son/daughter of God. THEY HAVEN’T SEEN ANYONE LIKE YOU. You are BOLD like a lion.”

Whew I can just sense the heaviness of what is going to happen.

“I KNOW it will take everything for you to give up the past, to let go of what was and to following my SPIRIT. BUT DO. Because WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU IS GREATER THAN ANYTHING YOU CAN CONJURE UP FOR YOURSELF, I AM THIS GOOD. I WANT TO SHOW OFF HOW GOOD I AM. I AM a generous, abundant, never-cease-to-amaze type of God. I am not your average Joe, I am your personal savior and Father!”