The Fire of Refinement

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This morning I confronted someone about the way she was talking to me.

I said it hurts me and makes me feel like she doesn’t love me. Basically when someone is mean to me, I cope by being positive and trying to recite truth and all that.

But I felt like God was saying “I want the real you, I want you to feel the emotions and not ignore them or try to be positive”. Stand up and fight this battle. 

And then I burst out crying.

It was like emotional hell, my heart couldn’t take it anymore. I was being verbally abused but I had just become numb…since it’s my mom, I thought “I just have to deal with it”.

As you know, in many Asian families emotions like sadness are a sign of weakness. We do not talk about vulnerable things like “it hurts me when you say this”.

Instead, anger is okay for some reason. Like you can be sad and just show it by yelling. Like it doesn’t make sense at all.

Then she replied “do you have depression or something?”

I turned my head and rolled my eyes….this is retarded.

At least I did my part. No apologies from her end. But it’s okay, I don’t feel like I’m dying anymore. 

I don’t feel like my heart is swallowing itself anymore. 

It’s easy to exit, escape and walk away. It’s easy to move and just not talk to that person, but I feel like in this season God wants us to face those emotional battles. 

A lot of people end up alone in life because they don’t want to face the hard emotional battles that come with love.

Love is NOT easy. 

Love is well, longsuffering. Love is patient, love is kind, love is….well 1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 This season God is refining me…and perhaps you.
  1. the process of removing impurities or unwanted elements from a substance.
    IF God is love then HE IS making me MORE LIKE HIM. God is removing anything in me that is not love. This means, I must also confront the people and things in my life that is NOT treating me with love. And I must Forgive.
    Because Forgiveness will loosen my heart from the grips of the devil. 
    Love and forgiveness are fierce. They are the evidence of Christ in someone’s life. Someone who is able to forgive when they have been fiercely wronged….that is not weakness, that is FIERCE. 

    Jesus loves me with a fierce love and He is teaching me how to be this fierce love. How do I continue to love someone who constantly hurts me?

Forgiveness.

And sometimes space to recuperate and cry. And boundaries.

I pray God will give you the wisdom and strength to love, confront, to overcome hurt in your relationships.

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2016 Love Blog

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OK, I’m starting a new segment and this one is called the love blog, so if you search categories on my blog search “love blog” for all the relationship related blog posts.

I just got out of dinner with my aunt and uncle.

And well, they told me how they met, basically it was an arranged marriage. Now their 3 kids are also married with kids. I was like omg (to the arranged marriage part).

Here’s a picture of my aunt on her wedding day. She did not look happy.   
Anyways, she went on this whole rant about how I should not have really high standards but I shouldn’t have really low ones either to which I reply, “I’m not at all worried, I just haven’t met the right person and it’s not like I have to marry 10 guys…geez”. Plus I believe if it is the right time, God will bring the right person into my life. Like the whole concept of when you’re happy being single, the right person will come along.

Let’s just say her rant got me kind of annoyed so I said goodbye and came back to write this blog post. Because she was kind of implying that if you are old then you have less chances of finding a mate…which I replied, “what’s the point of marrying just because you are old..like for what?” Basically you’re day old pie that nobody wants, is what she’s implying.

I straight up said “whoever marries me is lucky as fuck”. Minus the fuck part, because I don’t know how to cuss in Mandarin.

Because I just have standards and I only need one man, not a million. So yes, I’m an amazing and awesome woman and I don’t need to stoop down to appease societal standards of when I should marry.

So there’s your first love blog post. Enjoy!

Moral of the story- don’t give into societal standards just because you’re the last one in the family to get hitched. You have to know your own worth. 

I think she was just jealous that I had a choice to pick.