The People Pleaser & The Master Manipulator, Finding Wholeness in a World That Lacks Love

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Today we will talk about two types of people:

  1. The people pleaser- always playing in line with what others want, in fear of judgement, rejection, feelings of shame, and feelings of unworthiness.
  2. Master manipulator- angry at what life didn’t give them, manipulating others to get what they want

Both operate from a spirit of lack.

This post may hit at the target at everything you’ve ever felt in your whole life.

I have been both but for much of my life I was a people pleaser. My mother often “made me” feel guilty or ashamed to be alive. My dad was supposedly cheating on my mother when she was pregnant with me so I often felt like I was paying penance with my life, subjugated to simply do what she wanted me to so that she wouldn’t feel so bad about herself.

I wonder how many of us feel this way? That we aren’t worthy to even be alive.

It wasn’t my fault.

The same spirit that accused and blamed me my whole life, even using my mom’s anger towards herself and her life circumstances accused me this week.

An airbnb owner (who happens to be pregnant) accused me of asking for too much when I asked for a quiet house on several occasions. Apparently the housemate was offended. Here I was thinking that we were all becoming friends when in actuality, they were talking behind my back.

She came home, exploding. She said I was selfish for expecting everyone to cater towards my need. I said “you opened an airbnb business, it was your choice, and I’m simply being honest”.

I knew that this was all the devil trying to accuse me.

I felt guilty when the owner stopped talking to me. When I said hi the other day she didn’t even look at me.

I felt my shoulders tighten.

Then it hit me. My mom does that when she is mad at me. She doesn’t acknowledge my existence as a way to punish me. I wonder if that’s connected with her blaming me for her pain, her pain of feeling abandoned by my dad, her pain of feeling neglected, unloved.

It’s not my fault though.

Finally, it’s not my fault. It’s not my fault. And it’s not your fault, however your parents punish you for their own feelings of unworthiness. 

I kept hearing God say “it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong, you were simply being honest and speaking up for your needs”. 

The owner’s accusation was a way to make me feel guilty for speaking up and wanting what I wanted.

Perhaps that is why most people stop asking for what they want or need- because they have a fear that people will reject, shame, judge or condemn them for their desires or opinions.

I felt a sense of responsibility to right the wrong- but I didn’t do anything wrong, I was only speaking my mind and truth.

Shame and guilt shuts people up.

Shame causes people to be silent. 

I realized that this wasn’t about me, it was about the owner. She was too stressed, working full time, managing an airbnb (her own house), pregnant.

Was it that I was being selfish or that she just wasn’t loving herself enough?

People who call others selfish usually don’t love themselves enough and aren’t “selfish” enough. They live out of a spirit of lack and often expect others to compensate for the lack of love they feel. 

In actuality, no one is responsible to love you. It’s your responsibility to love yourself first, to allow God to love you and then to speak up for what it is you need and want. Sure, in a relationship, in family, people do love you, but they do it out of what they are capable of doing. Most people don’t have ENOUGH love to give because they don’t realize they are enough in Christ Jesus.

People can only love you to the capacity they love themselves. If they “love” you above what they can give themselves, they are “sacrificing” themselves at the cost of loving you. And there is then a deficit. a shortage. When there is a shortage, people often feel bitter about the love they give you.

In truth, all of what I described is not love at all, it’s actually based out of fear. 

People sacrifice themselves at the cost of loving themselves because they fear that you will essentially LEAVE or reject them if they don’t sacrifice themselves.

But there is no fear in love because perfect love casts out fear.

So what would it look like to live in love? 

  1. Speaking up for how I actually feel, need and want without fear of judgement or rejection.
  2. There is no need for “sacrifice”, just love.
  3. Sure there may be compromises, but not compromises that are based out of fear.

The owner told me that it is in Malaysian culture to sacrifice to the point that they can’t take it anymore. But when I talked to two male Malaysians, they said “no, I don’t believe that” so I wonder if it’s mostly just with women….this theme of sacrifice.

I don’t need to sacrifice because Jesus became the ultimate sacrifice on the cross.

Sure, I have left everything to follow Jesus to share the love of Christ with people, but in truth, it’s not a sacrifice because I am following my heart and what truly gives me fulfillment. 

My heart is full when I love people, and when I allow others that I meet to love me. But I ultimately go to God.

God does not call us to sacrifice, he says come to me with a broken and contrite heart, this I will not despise. He doesn’t call us to be strong, He calls us to lay ourselves at His feet at all times. 

I found myself fighting this battle of shame and guilt through words and prayer.

“I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus”. 

We battle with not enough, we battle with feelings of shame, guilt, condemnation- but in Christ, we are enough and we are righteous.

When you know you are enough in Christ Jesus, you’ll love with an open heart, one that is pure and without manipulation, guilt, witchcraft, control or a need to sacrifice.

When we sacrifice, we live out of a belief that there is lack, that somewhere God won’t fill the void if we don’t personally fill it. 

But in Christ, there is no lack. There is only an abundance of love. So if we are not able, say so. Christ is more than enough. God does not need us to be strong. God wants us to be weak and for Him to be strong for us.

Sow a seed- Your giving makes changing lives possible as I minister to and share the gospel of grace to people around the world! There is an ongoing need to fulfill the mandate the Lord has put on my life. Join me as I change and save lives! 

Thank you! 

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You Have The Right To Follow Your Heart

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One of the things I find very disturbing about what some Christians teach is that they hide under the guise or the “covering” of the church and do not have opinions or trust that God is speaking to them.

So they move only in the direction of what they’re told by leaders in the church and no longer have a mind of their own.

As someone who hears God and follows His voice I often meet Christians who say “wouldn’t it be better if you went with someone else” or a group?

As though Jesus in me is not enough and if the signs and miracles that God has worked through me isn’t evident of His presence in me and in my life. 

I am often reminded of the pharisees who saw the miracles and signs yet still doubted that God could really work through one person.

They are essentially saying “you can’t trust that God can speak to one individual or work miracles through one person”.

In fact this thinking is ancient.

It’s like having a catholic priest to “confess” your sins to and atone for your sins.

But Jesus’ BLOOD IS enough.

So many Christians are taught not to trust their heart and because of this, we do not see manifestations of God as much as God intended.

The reason I see God working through me is because I trust that IT IS God speaking to me and I act upon it. 

God puts every desire in your heart and ONLY BY listening to it will you essentially be listening to the spirit.

Leaders in the church have systematically taken “power” away from people by teaching this lie- that God only works through groups, not individuals and that their hearts are not to be trusted.

You see ONE head of that group who controls them and “corrects” them when they’ve gone astray.

This IS THE RELIGIOUS SPIRIT, a demonic spirit that entraps people and gets them forever stuck, to not have any voice or thought of their own but to be a mere robot that merely listens to a person or group herd mentality.

It says in the BIBLE that you have the mind of Christ when you receive Him into your heart.

GOD IS NOT AGAINST OUR DESIRES, HE PUTS DESIRES IN OUR HEARTS AND IT IS HIS LEADING. 

If a man was to follow the Spirit people probably wouldn’t QUESTION that GOD is working through him, but for some reason as a woman, I have tons of people asking me that maybe I should find a person to go with, that God should send my husband so I’m not alone out here on the field (in whatever country I am in).

HEY GUYS! 

I’M NOT ALONE! I WAS NEVER ALONE. JESUS IS MORE PRESENT THAN ANY HUMAN BEING ON THIS EARTH.

AND HE IS WORKING POWERFULLY THROUGH ME. AND I DO NOT FEEL ALONE, though I may feel misunderstood, I SAY I AM THE RIGHTEOUSNESS of CHRIST JESUS, I AM ENOUGH IN CHRIST JESUS.

After I struggled with thoughts of lack because someone asked if I should maybe go with someone- I suddenly had all these revelations about being enough. Even in this way. Following your heart and trusting that GOD is the one in you leading you, I decided to get a henna tattoo as a reminder.

And yes that is a mosquito bite. LOL.

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YOU ARE FREE, not a slave.

You are free, you are enough because of what Jesus did on the cross for you.

I had a remembrance of when I left a certain church because of legalism that someone said “I wish you came and prayed with us”.

What she really meant was “I wish I had the chance to change your mind, control you because I want you to stay and take over the worship team because I am the one leaving”.

God had already spoken to me “you’ve reach your limit here, it’s time to move on”.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.

Even if someone doesn’t agree with you, it’s important to listen to what your heart is telling you.

The traditional and ancient church have suppressed women by telling them that they cannot have their own thoughts or even preach. They are much mistaken and it is the PURE work of the Devil, not God. In fact there were many prophetesses in the Bible. Jesus always came to liberate women, not to judge or condemn them.

When everyone tried to condemn a prostitute, He forgave and freed them. He protected them. 

I pray that this post will set you free to know that your heart is worth listening to and it is God speaking.

Sow a seed to this ministry and the work I am doing overseas to share the grace of God and bring healing to people. Your help is much appreciated and God sees your generosity! 

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Prophetic Word- A Call To Ministry

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Right now God is commissioning and sending out many people who have been on the edge of their own plans and God’s plans.

You see, Jesus walked on this earth and called many. He said “peter, follow me, you’ll be fishers of men”. Peter followed. Many left their homes and careers to pursue what Jesus was doing on this earth.

God is calling many right now. 

I have been talking to a lot of people and prophesying to “move forward”. For many that means quitting their jobs, moving, aligning themselves with where God is calling them. You see Jesus was always on the move on this earth. He never really settled too long in one place because His food was to do the Father’s will. 

There are so many Christians that are holding onto their own lives because they are afraid that the Father God won’t take care of them or provide for them. When Jesus told me to sell everything and follow Him, I was scared, but I followed because nothing else seemed to satisfy my heart.

The other day I got to prophesy over a young lady at the salon. God told me “she is a preacher”. I said “you are a preacher”. She said “I just want to work for myself”, but I felt the Lord say it so strongly…

It was a spirit of unworthiness that had her.

Many of us don’t believe we have what it takes, but it’s not us, it’s Jesus in us enabling and empowering us. 

I have prayed for hundreds of people on this trip, security guards, random strangers, anywhere and everywhere…and I noticed that God has just been calling through me to others “you are called to preach, you are called to be a missionary”.

But the fear of lack prevents many from moving forward.

Just yesterday the Lord finally gave me a huge breakthrough. He showed me that I was feeling unworthy because of past accusations. He showed me how many people accused me when I fundraised for my trips, some people from my past church told me “you don’t go to my church anymore so I won’t support you”, some like my mother said “why should people support you when they are working for their money”, some trolls on my blog even accused me by saying “get a real job”.

You see why I didn’t ever want to fundraise?

I had left everything already to follow Jesus, yet I was being dishonored, rejected and scorned.

By in obedience to the Lord Jesus I continued, casting my cares on Him.

He said to me “you are worthy, what you are doing is the most important work in this earth and in heaven, souls are being saved, people are being freed from fear. You prophesy dreams and work miracles. This is the only work, the Father’s will, that is worth doing”.

I sense many women especially are breaking free from expectations and pursuing what God has called them to do.

This does not mean that you may go to seminary or join an organization for the Holy Spirit is BREAKING structures and institutions so that the REAL work can be done. Institutions have often LIMITED what the SPIRIT wants to do. CHURCHES have LIMITED what the SPIRIT wants to do. FUNDS AND FINANCES HAVE BEEN RESTRICTED AND NOT GIVEN TO THOSE WHO ARE DOING THE REAL WORK OF GOD.

Women have not been able to PREACH at churches because of false ideas about verses in the bible. The reason Paul said that women are not allowed to preach is BECAUSE BACK IN THE DAYS there were WITCHES who were preaching in the church, they were involved in witchcraft…(if I remember right from my earlier research), basically they were not OPERATING OUT OF THE SPIRIT.

Anyways, that’s not the point…the point is that the Spirit lives in all believers, not just men.

Because of many archaic ideas about women preaching, we have not seen the full manifestation of what God wants to do on this earth. 

I am a pastor. I pastor people everywhere I go, I don’t have a title from a church,  God called me Himself….so if men say “women can’t be pastors” their real argument is “they can’t be recognized by people, they should NOT BE SEEN, THEY SHOULD NOT RECEIVE APPLAUSE”, but it’s not men who recognizes or approves of women, but GOD! They are basically saying “I don’t want woman to RECEIVE THE HONOR they are worthy to receive because I (A MAN) want ALL THE GLORY!” 

BUT TO GOD BE THE GLORY ALONE!

I pastor people and no one sees. I pastor people in hostels and on the streets, I listen to people who I don’t expect to give me anything in return. I do it because Jesus is loving through me. I follow Him because I am in love with Jesus.

I don’t do it for the recognition.

And if I ever followed Jesus for the recognition than Jesus definitely burned that out of me because He brought me to the lowly place….a pastor who will sleep in a 10 bed dorm room. A pastor who doesn’t own a phone right now.

Even when the religious spirit tried to block me from preaching, the Spirit sent me to different churches, as a new comer, with no notification (as a visitor, not a guest speaker) He would tell me to pray for people and eventually I’d pray for the pastor. And the Spirit would rain down on that church as I prayed and prophesied over them.

I’m TIRED OF people wanting the glory! It’s JESUS that gets the glory!

God is calling MANY OF YOU TO GIVE UP YOUR LIVES FOR HIM. For the anointing flows in surrender. Let the Spirit live and love through you.

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Prophetic Word: I AM MAKING ALL THINGS NEW!

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If you have ignored every single post…THIS IS THE ONE YOU WANT TO READ.

“I AM MAKING ALL THINGS NEW- says the Lord. 

I am making all things new!!
I am turning your mourning into laughing!
I am turning your grief into joy!
LETTING GO of the old might seem difficult BUT OH the JOY of the new!

No one can FATHOM what GOD has in store for you! NO ONE! It is SO GOOD!! He is such a good good father, HE is smiling just thinking about how HAPPY YOU will be when HE unveils the surprises (I am literally tearing up).

You will literally weep in joy when you see the NEW life God has for you! You will be SO GLAD you didn’t settle! You will be SO GLAD you trusted God when things looked foggy. You will be SO GLAD you took the road less taken.
You Will Be So GLAD you chose to submit to the PROCESS of sonship versus the easy path of the world. 
You will rejoice ‘thank you father for never leaving nor forsaking me!'”

God is about to reveal HIS sons and daughters on this earth. He is positioning and aligning people RIGHT NOW via relocations, movements and travels. He is going to put you in the right place at the right time and NO one can take CREDIT for it!!

“YOU who have been hidden in the wilderness, YOU who I specifically PUT away in holding IS NOW being served to the world as a REMINDER of my glory ON this earth. PEOPLE will STAND IN AWE of WHO YOU ARE. YOU will carry a presence of JESUS that they have NEVER SEEN! NEVER!!!!! They have never seen a Christ follower that LOVES LIKE YOU LOVE. You will not have the religious spirit, you are SO counter culture. You will carry the true essence and aroma of being a son/daughter of God. THEY HAVEN’T SEEN ANYONE LIKE YOU. You are BOLD like a lion.”

Whew I can just sense the heaviness of what is going to happen.

“I KNOW it will take everything for you to give up the past, to let go of what was and to following my SPIRIT. BUT DO. Because WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU IS GREATER THAN ANYTHING YOU CAN CONJURE UP FOR YOURSELF, I AM THIS GOOD. I WANT TO SHOW OFF HOW GOOD I AM. I AM a generous, abundant, never-cease-to-amaze type of God. I am not your average Joe, I am your personal savior and Father!”

Sold Out Lover

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Sold out Lover.
I’m a sold out lover.
I will hold onto the nail pierced hand instead of looking to the applause of men.
I will carry the cross instead of running towards a temporary fix.
I will cry and sob until I feel my being dissolved into love.
I’m a sold out lover.
It hurts and burns in the fire, but I will stay and feel my heart come alive in you.

I will follow you into the dark, where no light has been.

I will follow you into the dark, where no applause or sounds are.

I will follow you in the silence.

 

The Fire of Refinement

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This morning I confronted someone about the way she was talking to me.

I said it hurts me and makes me feel like she doesn’t love me. Basically when someone is mean to me, I cope by being positive and trying to recite truth and all that.

But I felt like God was saying “I want the real you, I want you to feel the emotions and not ignore them or try to be positive”. Stand up and fight this battle. 

And then I burst out crying.

It was like emotional hell, my heart couldn’t take it anymore. I was being verbally abused but I had just become numb…since it’s my mom, I thought “I just have to deal with it”.

As you know, in many Asian families emotions like sadness are a sign of weakness. We do not talk about vulnerable things like “it hurts me when you say this”.

Instead, anger is okay for some reason. Like you can be sad and just show it by yelling. Like it doesn’t make sense at all.

Then she replied “do you have depression or something?”

I turned my head and rolled my eyes….this is retarded.

At least I did my part. No apologies from her end. But it’s okay, I don’t feel like I’m dying anymore. 

I don’t feel like my heart is swallowing itself anymore. 

It’s easy to exit, escape and walk away. It’s easy to move and just not talk to that person, but I feel like in this season God wants us to face those emotional battles. 

A lot of people end up alone in life because they don’t want to face the hard emotional battles that come with love.

Love is NOT easy. 

Love is well, longsuffering. Love is patient, love is kind, love is….well 1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 This season God is refining me…and perhaps you.
  1. the process of removing impurities or unwanted elements from a substance.
    IF God is love then HE IS making me MORE LIKE HIM. God is removing anything in me that is not love. This means, I must also confront the people and things in my life that is NOT treating me with love. And I must Forgive.
    Because Forgiveness will loosen my heart from the grips of the devil. 
    Love and forgiveness are fierce. They are the evidence of Christ in someone’s life. Someone who is able to forgive when they have been fiercely wronged….that is not weakness, that is FIERCE. 

    Jesus loves me with a fierce love and He is teaching me how to be this fierce love. How do I continue to love someone who constantly hurts me?

Forgiveness.

And sometimes space to recuperate and cry. And boundaries.

I pray God will give you the wisdom and strength to love, confront, to overcome hurt in your relationships.

It’s Time To Leap

God is breaking off disappointments that are preventing you from believing the best is to come.

As you can see I mention that I was very hurt and bruised from rejection and accusations from people. God had me in hiding for awhile as I healed from those deep wounds, this is often called the wilderness season. 

REJECTION, HURT AND DISAPPOINTMENT often causes you TO SECOND GUESS YOURSELF….like “maybe I shouldn’t have drank milk tea today” (aka me today because I totally got heart palpitations and I’ve quit caffeine for a year now) or “maybe I shouldn’t have wasted 2 years of my life with my ex-boyfriend” (aka many people I know, plus me)….BUT I FEEL LIKE EVERY SINGLE EXPERIENCE WE HAVE teaches us WHAT WE WANT and DON’T WANT. 

None of our experiences are wasted. Even when we keep going back to our old ways, we will eventually see we don’t want the old thing. God is gentle enough to guide us in our stubbornness.

You haven’t got what you want because you keep saying YES to the old thing. It’s time to say no to what we don’t want so we can say yes to what we truly want. 

That is why God is breaking off cycles that keep us in bondage.

That’s besides the point.

The point is NOW IS THE TIME TO LEAP, TO REALIZE IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT that you got hurt. Life hurts sometimes, but since none of us are perfect, we tend to hurt each other, sometimes unintentionally. 

And also in whatever state of wisdom we were in, we tend to make decisions based on what we know.

And that’s just that, where we were back then. 

But now, you don’t have to second guess yourself anymore.

God has your back, and even if you get hurt again, isn’t that part of life, to feel both pain and joy? 

God doesn’t want us to live in a box, safely….God wants us to be able to dig into life with our whole heart. 

As SPONTANEOUS as my life seems, I’m actually a very orderly person. I like to sleep between the hours of 10pm-11pm. I do NOT like to stay up late and I do not like alarms. I wake up naturally.

But in this season I wonder why I need to reserve my energy so much? Was it fear that had me sleeping so on time all the time? Fear that I wouldn’t have enough energy? Fear that I wouldn’t be enough?

In Christ all things are possible.

We don’t have to play it safe anymore. We can dig into life and know that Jesus is sufficient for us, that we don’t need to have some kind of “savings account for our heart”. 

Life, energy, provision, joy, hope, health never runs out in Jesus.

We can be sure to lean on God and know that He will supply where we lack, because He already paid for our insufficiency. In His eyes, your account has an over payment, forever and forevermore. 

Don’t be afraid to step out and take the leap, to make “mistakes” because in God’s eyes there are no mistakes, only steps into more miracles.

Prayers (say out loud): 

  1. Forgiveness towards self– “Dear God, today I forgive myself for allowing myself to get hurt. It wasn’t my intention and it traumatized me so much I was not able to move forward. Please break off any disappointments in my heart and remind me that You are a good God, that what you have for me is the best and that you will never leave nor forsake me. Thank you for forgiving me first so I can forgive myself. In Jesus name Amen.”
  2. Prayer of Courage– “Dear God, thank you for releasing me from the past. Today I release anything that isn’t for my highest good, this includes disappointment, bitterness, offense, anger, hurt, people who I know I don’t want to associate with anymore, etc. I break off the spirit of foreboding and pray that you plant in my heart a new joy, a new song, a new hope. I now boldly walk forward because I know you are with me. I am enough in Christ Jesus. In Jesus name, amen.”
    It's Time To Leap.