Choose God’s Path

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A word on my spirit. Someone out there is choosing the easier and more comfortable route but God is asking you to step out in faith. It’s not an easy word to deliver because no one likes to be uncomfortable but God’s intention is to grow you.

Feel free to message me on Facebook if you have questions or want to tell me your story.

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Get Up and Walk!

I’m understanding what I give to people no money can ever buy. The strength of knowing they are a child of God. I don’t need big houses or buildings, nice cars to tell my my worth. I’m bought by the blood of Jesus and I have peace father God always takes care of me. Most people I minister to have much more fear of lack than I do. They have much more material possessions.

But I’ve become fearless. I know I’m a child of God and no demons in hell can stop me. I know father God never leaves nor forsakes me. That is something no money can buy. A relationship with father God and undying trust to Him.

I go where He calls me at a moment’s notice to who He leads me to. That is undying trust. I put my life in the hands of my father because He loves me and never forsakes me.

Those who are rich are not those who have billions of dollars – the rich ones are the ones who know they are a child of God and that God will never leave nor forsake them. They move mountains.

Sometimes I don’t have much money on me but I have a father who richly provides all my needs. I have a zillionaire father so I do His work – with a backpack and a carry on, I go where He leads me. I trust Him totally. He has shown me His faithfulness.

So I minister to those who have a fear of lack, who have everything in this world but the assurance that God can be trusted. Paul says gold and silver have I none but in the name of Jesus get up and walk! It’s a power no gold or silver can buy!

People I prophesy to have a fear of surrendering their job, moving, walking into the unknown- getting up- because getting up means trusting God.

But Father God can be trusted. I walked for years in trust with God. It can be scary at times but exhilarating when you see Him work. When His instructions lead you to a person who has been praying for an answer for 3 years. And you are the answer.

It’s so fun and adventurous. I never have a boring day.

Yesterday the Lord had told me I’m staying in Taipei and told me beitou. When I looked up places on Airbnb the first one that popped up – God said, this one.

I said, “hmmm okay”.

A donation of almost exact amount had come in on the same day.

The lady was super friendly on the phone, and when I went I noticed a Bible on the table. I asked the cleaner if she is Christian but then she said the owner was. I never met the owner in person but we talked on the phone and it turned out she had been through a lot of spiritual warfare lately.

I prayed for her. She said she had recently started to pray again and that she was coming back to Jesus. Upon further messaging I later learned she was preparing for her father’s funeral.

It’s those moments you realize, God sent you to be someone’s relief, someone’s answer.

I slept 12 hours that night.

I’m currently going back to shuangxi. Continue praying for me and those I minister to.

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1% of People Marry Their First Love

That’s what my friend said, to comfort me in my momentary despair.

I said “why do I have to meet guys who aren’t going to be my husband and then experience the heart break and pain? While I see people who just meet that one right person and seem to live happily ever after, or sure, with some issues in marriage”.

“There’s still some work to be done, deeper wounds that need to be healed” says another friend.

I’m 31. I don’t know how many more need to be healed but seems like an unending drama.

Like one of those dramas that are dragged on so that time can pass for no good reason but they have nothing to show on tv.

How come other people seem to have no issues….or maybe it’s just because they choose to settle for someone who has issues that they also have…and both refuse to heal or grow from it. Instead these couples live in their codependent miseries.

That really makes me feel better.

I am just choosing not to settle.

I could have settled with my ex, who was emotionally absent and had a wall that couldn’t be knocked down.

I could have settled for an alcoholic.

I could have settled for a selfish man.

So sure I see many who married and seem to have beautiful lives but who knows what’s behind the curtain? Most people don’t share their problems with the world. It’s better to smile for the camera and post a picture perfect marriage.

Well, my healing journey has not been easy. Having been single for 5 years the last year God gave me a dream where he showed me pictures of men like on tinder and said “get ready”.

Sure enough, the matches came.

But none were really it.

Something was always missing.

The main ingredient- an unfaltering and unwavering commitment to follow Jesus at any cost.

Sure I met good Christian men too, but they were half committed to Jesus. I would prophesy something over them and many of them are still where they are last year. I’m not saying they’re bad, I’m just saying I need to have the same level of faith with my hubby.

I can’t be dragged down trying to convince someone.

I met non Christian men too. But it was obvious their sole agenda was lust or longed for someone to fill the void that only Jesus could fill.

I healed from my issues and am still discovering if there are any more.

1. I had major trust issues because my dad cheated on my mom- God brought me people that were trustworthy and I realize men can be trusted, just need to be the right person.

2. My dad did not provide growing up and I realize that I want a man that loves to provide.

3. I cannot be with an alcoholic. I need someone who is completely filled with Jesus and His spirit.

4. Emotional vulnerability is key to the man I am supposed to be with. This man doesn’t just talk about work or how his day was but he talks about how he feels.

5. Honesty – I realize is everything and will break the thickest emotional wall.

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To The LGBT community- A Letter From God

You are so beautiful, beyond description

I pictured who you would become, who you are. Always so beautiful, your laughter, your smile. I always knew you, even now.

I know your pain, I was there with you. The pain of rejection, I was always there. Even when you felt alone, I was there. I know you push me away, you think I’m judging or condemning you but all I have for you is love.

You stand there, laughing on the outside, but inside crying.

There’s a deep wound of rejection bound so tight by attitude and perceptions of how you should be around certain people, certain groups.

I know you’ve been fighting all your life but if you’ll have me, you’ll be able to rest knowing I’ve already accepted you just as you are.

In my embrace you won’t have to fight anymore, you can rest in my arms.

You are beautiful to me. Whatever you call yourself, you’re my child.

Since you’re my child, I will never leave nor forsake you. Since you’re my child I’ll always fight for you. Since you’re my child I’ll always protect and provide for you.

Since you’re my child I’ve conquered death for you. Since you’re my child, I’ve felt the burn of rejection for you. Since you’re my child, I want you to be vulnerable with me.

It’s time to come out of the cave and show who you really are.

I don’t care what you call yourself, gay trans, fluid, binary, you are human and worthy of my love.

You are my child. Now you are mine and forever loved.

You are not an orphan, a reject or an outcast. You are a child of God.

Your true identity is being my child. You are royalty bought by the blood of Jesus. Show me your wounds, I will heal them.

I love you.

– Jesus

Xoxo

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When Serving Becomes Our Identity, Instead Simply Being a Child Of God

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I feel we are in a season of coming back to Jesus to get our self-worth, versus basing it on how we serve Him.

I just had a dream for my brother in Christ and I told him that he needed to slow down and spend time with Jesus and he said that I was right as he has traveled the last 2 months ministering to people, healing the sick, etc but that he was worn down and tired.

Sometimes in ministry we start to believe a few lies that I want to dismantle today-

Lie 1- Your identity comes from how many people you help.

Truth- Your identity comes from being a child of God, who God so loved that He sent His only child (Jesus) to be sacrificed for you.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1-2 

Lie 2- God will only bless you if you obey.

Truth – Jesus paid the price on the cross for your blessings. His work was perfect obedience to the Father and even if you don’t perfectly obey, He does not punish you for it. I want to reiterate that He wants us to live in freedom, not paranoia. Our hearts should only “do things” out of DESIRE, not duty. 

Obedience comes from the overflow of the knowledge that He loves you, not because IF YOU DON’T OBEY that He will take away what He wants to bless you with.

That is living under the law. When we live under the law of condemnation and punishment, working for our blessings, we will not receive it- why? Because it will always be conditioned on how much we serve and do, versus from the perfect knowledge that we are loved by God no matter what.

This reminds of the prodigal son story. The older brother worked in bitterness thinking he had to earn his father’s blessings versus the prodigal son who experienced God’s blessings by doing what he wanted to – then realizing that his ways were not working and ended up running back to his father. 

God wants to have a genuine relationship with you, not one that is forced or led by duty and obligation.

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

When Jesus said it is finished, it is finished.

Lie 3- You need to sacrifice yourself when you are a Christian

Truth- God wants you to know that you are worthy, you are worthy of love and a good life. 

People who constantly sacrifice themselves for others believe that they are not worthy unless they are bringing something to the table. I’ve met people who say they do a lot for others because they want to show others that they are worthy….but people shouldn’t love or bless you because of what you do for them but who you are.

You don’t owe anything to anyone. You paid by being born. 

You don’t tell a baby that “one day you will pay by buying me a house” (Asian parents). You are a gift from heaven and you are a delight.

You are worthy of love just because you exist. 

God has grand purposes and destinies for you but He wants you to live out of a deep place of intimate love with Him. He wants you to know you are loved beyond comprehension first and foremost. If we serve or help others out of any other agenda (such as to prove that we are worthy to receive His blessings), then we are not living out of true grace. 

I’m not sure at what point I started to believe that I just needed to do more on this journey, but towards the end I was starting to wane in my passion. I was not being fed in my heart. I realize that I need a lot of alone time and I wasn’t getting it. When you are constantly serving others their voices start to muffle your own thoughts and desires. I’m grateful for the revelations God has been giving me in these few days. 

I pray today God would break off the slavery mentality and orphan mentality that ties you to “obligation”. You need to know that He loves you to the moon and back.

And HIS PROMISES FOR YOU ARE YES AND AMEN! AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF TO HAVE WHAT YOU WANT AS HE ALREADY BECAME THE PERFECT SACRIFICE ON YOUR BEHALF.

May you live completely from a place of knowing you are LOVED by God, and that your life will be driven by LOVE not FEAR. His love for you is not dependent on what you do for Him, His love for you is complete and finished. He does not look at your “disobedience” as He does not see blemish in you- He only sees Jesus in you (who obeyed perfectly onto the cross). 

I pray for the ministers and servants out there that you will not be confused by the enemy who tries to tell you that your worth comes from how much you help or don’t help others. That is a form of condemnation and accusation! I break off the spirit of python that tries to choke the life out of your heart and dreams in Jesus name! I break off false responsibility in Jesus name!

Our lives should never be driven by “I SHOULD”- your life should be driven by “I WANT”.

Sow-

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Walk In The Unknown

I moved a lot growing up so I was constantly walking into the unknown. Not by choice though. Me in Germany.

Most of our society walks in the known. The known is comfortable, safe, without unknowns but God constantly pushes us to trust Him to walk with Him in the unknowns.

So that’s where though we think we are “resting” often we are submitting to fear. It’s sounds strange because of course some people seriously need to rest but most people sit in front of the television as the world passes by.

Watching tv is not resting. Yes, there are seasons of that but even in this season I feel wary thinking about the future.

I’m back in LA but heading out June 24.

I’m not sure what to expect and to be honest I’m a little traumatized by everything I went through this year ministering on the road. I’m not sure if I ever want to experience it again yet I know God is calling me to a higher level of faith.

I kind of hate that He has called me to this life.

I keep telling Him “I can’t do it”.

I can’t go on anymore.

I feel numb.

And that’s my heart wanting to be comfortable, to succumb to fear.

Jesus- You can do anything you set your mind to.

Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to live a boring life?

Jesus- then you’ll be bored.

Okay then.

God I kind of don’t want to trust you.

Jesus- you’re not an orphan, you’re a child of God.

Me- but I went through a lot of things I didn’t really want to go through.

Jesus- but you got through it.

Me- but I have bad memories from it and I’m mentally trying to protect myself from future instances of a) being severely accused of or rejected by people I minister to b) having to be on the streets and having to ask judgmental people for help c) the list goes on.

Jesus- you are enough.

Don’t settle for the past or even think about the past. Move forward.

Me- My body and psyche can’t seem to move forward.

Jesus- let go and focus on me. Let go of every hindering memory and focus on me. Focus on my goodness. The enemy wants you to focus on the bad experiences. I am a good father – do you trust me?

Me- no not right now. But I’m still following you- I just don’t feel the joy.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

2 Corinthians 4:8

This is my process. I know it’s been a hard week for some of you and in the battle it’s easy to lose joy so I pray right now God will bring back joy into your heart and if you need to cry- cry. I pray encouragement over your hearts.

I will be heading to Taiwan then China. I’m not sure what God has in store but I know most missionaries are getting kicked out of China so it helps that I’m independent in the sense that I’m just going where the spirit leads instead of being stationed like most missionaries.

I am now raising funds for what’s ahead. Flight tickets and living fees. Would you consider partnering with me in bringing Christ to the world?

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Where Is Home? Finding Stability in The Chaos

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I decided to write because I started sobbing. Why I was sobbing…Let me explain.

I just got back to LA but instead of the normal LA life, I found myself being called by God to minister everyday. I was pushed and forced out of my comfort zone (in LA). One day I was going 40 miles out on a bus, another day I’m traveling. I’ve been spending almost 4 hours on public transportation everyday. God has led me to the people He wanted me to relay messages to.

Like today I got to meet a father and son in the wee early morning. I felt so at home with them. My heart felt alive. 

The reason I was even going to Calabasas was because I saw an audition to be a rainbow hair model. I really want rainbow hair. However, I didn’t like the idea of waking up early but I felt that God wanted me to go.

So the night before I said “God if you want me to go, then wake me up”. I didn’t set an alarm.

At 4:30 am God woke me up with a revelation and I blogged about it (the previous post). At 5:30 am I decided to go back to sleep…however God said “wake up, go now!”

I was like “fine”. I took a bus around 6:15 am and when I got to Downtown I was at the bus stop when a man and his son asked me if the bus stopped there, I said yes. Immediately I felt a connection. God said to sit next to him so we talked the whole way. He showed me the book he wrote and published on amazon. He said he directed films and his son (8 years old) said he wanted to make money and he found an audition for him.

We happened to be going to the same studio.

Strangely, I said I started making money when I was 8 years old too, selling toys after school. I said usually the reason kids want to make money is because they feel insecure, like I did at the time. I saw my mother struggling and I wanted to help by being independent at a young age.

God has a strange way of connecting us to people with similar experiences. Then he told me how he drove a bus and sold t-shirts out of it, he traveled throughout the US. I prayed over him and said that in God’s eyes he is not lacking and that he needed to speak his truth without fear of what others thought of him. He told me how he was adopted but that aristocrats and celebrities always gravitate towards him because of his authenticity.

I really loved meeting them and enjoyed spending time with them.

After I arrived 2 hours early, I waited around for my audition. God kept telling me that I would be the only one and sure enough I was the only one that showed up for the audition. However, because of my hair length I was not picked.

I felt like a failure for some reason…maybe it was the way the lady asked for more photos of me saying “I need to see what you look like” while she was obviously standing in front of me…LIKE HELLO CAN’T YOU SEE WHAT I LOOK LIKE?

My mind raced- “she must be racist, she must not think I’m pretty enough, is it because of my growing lower chin, is it because I have no makeup on?”

I felt so depleted and disappointed…”I thought you said I would get picked!” I said to God. No answer. But deep down I knew that God was somehow protecting me. It was just an off-spirit about that place.

At first I sat in one place hoping she’d change her mind. I just really wanted rainbow hair. I don’t know why. Maybe rainbows represent promises fulfilled and maybe I felt like I hadn’t seen that many promises fulfilled. Sure I’ve ministered in 14 countries in the last year and have seen OTHER PEOPLES’ promises fulfilled, but for some reason I felt that I was STILL waiting for mine to be fulfilled. 

So I thought “I was the only one, I had no competition, yet I still didn’t get what I want?” That’s how I felt. The lady had to tell me “you’re free to go” before I could get myself up.

I went to the bathroom and started crying. 

I was disappointed. I was tired. It felt like my life, and I know it was the enemy of course...but I was just tired of being disappointed you know? Whether it came to a potential suitor not ending up being my future husband, the relationship not working out….or feeling like I had a home and then going back to LA and being accused by my mother instead of celebrated. 

My heart felt really tired.

Again? It felt.

Then I nodded off in the bus heading back to Downtown. I saw a lot of drunk people, high people on the bus. I smelled weed, I saw drunk people hitting on women. This is LA, but it felt foreign. “It’s gotten worse” I thought as I sat in the crowded Orange Line Bus to North Hollywood.

It occurred to me….”Hollywood is full of orphans looking for approval”. 

The guy with a guitar strapped to his heart in the bus.

A guy with golden chains around his neck while he spoke to his friend on the phone, “everyone who is anyone is out in Hollywood trying to make it”.

God said “well you are my daughter and you don’t need anyone’s approval”. That’s when God really set me free because a part of my heart was still hoping to make it in Hollywood (to share the light of Jesus). I thought I needed to appear in movies and tv shows to be influential but God was saying “I don’t need that, I don’t need a network, I don’t need a tv channel, I will do it my way through you”. 

You don’t need whoever you think you need.

I think that’s why people end up bowing down to people versus God. They think they need the job, the paycheck, the husband, the abuser, the relationship, the friend….but you don’t need anyone or anything but God. Because whoever you are codependent on usually begin to abuse or lord over you. That’s what I talked about in my last post, Sarah versus Hagar

So everything seemed to be piling up. In addition, after just coming back to LA, living a life of ministry on the road, I’m still doing ministry here. Then God says “it’s time to go” again. I leave LA June 24. I just follow His spirit everyday. My flesh is screaming, I don’t want to!!! I want to live a normal life!! But my spirit is like “YES, take me!” 

Because of the hardships and challenges I’ve gone through this year coming back actually feels like coming off the battlefield in the army.

I feel like a soldier coming back to civilian life, yet…still on the battlefield spiritually. I haven’t seen any of my friends yet….yet everything feels different. Recently I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night from music in the air. I don’t know where the music is coming from but maybe it’s spiritual music.

Maybe it’s music to awaken my heart.

So when my mom texts me and asks me where I’m moving to next, I say “I’m actually leaving the country again” and I start sobbing. I only got to see her for 3 days as she had to work out of town. We were able to reconcile and communicate on a better level – praise God.

Nothing feels stable but I know I must look to Jesus at all times. I can’t rely on my environment or people for stability, I must look at God alone. 

I don’t know why God chose me for this type of life – actually I do know- because I’m willing. I’m willing to overcome the fears that bind most people to a “stable life” -though the stable life is actually filled with fear that create stagnant hearts and lives. 

My friend said I’m like a piece of iron that God had to mold so that I can withstand anything. That’s great. Basically I’m like Iron Woman. How attractive, haha.

Just when I start to feel at home I have to leave. But that’s part of moving with God’s spirit. We must jump with Him and not linger. He has been telling me that every morning. Don’t linger, just go. We linger because we feel like we are not enough, we don’t have enough (money, clothes, abilities, friends, opportunities), we are not wearing the right clothes, etc….

But when God says “go”- you have to go!

That has been me for the last year. Feeling unprepared everyday but just going with God. He says “don’t prepare what you are going to say in front of the governors, when you get there I’ll speak through you”. In the same way, God wants us to be unprepared and to TRUST HIM to speak through us, work in THAT MOMENT. 

WE ARE OVER- PREPARERS! BUT WE PREPARE OUT OF OUR OWN LOGIC AND REASONING- Not God’s logic. You have read about the many times I didn’t have enough money for a hostel or something on the road and God gave me the specific instructions I needed in that moment. Or He asked me to ask someone for help and in actuality they needed a prophetic word or healing from God. 

The divine appointment was in my need. 

The divine appointment needed something from me as a messenger of God and I needed something materially. Jesus even said to the disciples, bring no money bag. That’s pretty crazy. I think most missionaries don’t live that way. But somehow I’ve experienced it and I do not wish it upon anyone…yet, now I have a lot less fears than before.

We don’t see God moving because we rely more on other things. We don’t give Him room to move when we’ve already filled the room with our own preparations. 

So how about you just jump?

It’s time to jump. 

Partner with me and see God move powerfully in your life. I ask you not to just give your money but your life to Jesus today! Thank you for giving! I pray God’s peace and joy over you in Jesus name!

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John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Ask Jesus into your heart, He wants a relationship with you. He died on the cross and rose again for your sins and when you receive Him He only sees Jesus in you, not your blemishes and faults.

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