Helplessness is the best place to be, like an infant, a baby.
Not because it makes others happy, not because it is a popular place to be…but because in that place, we no longer rely on our own strength but voluntarily ask for help, some pray…that is the only place where true miracles can occur.
When I was in my very worldly mindset, I just wanted to succeed in the world’s eyes, in the world’s way. I was already spirit filled but my mind needed to be transformed. TV shows, media, music and the world teaches us that success is material gain, fame, and status.
Another lie that we are taught is that the only way to help others is by being rich financially.
The truth is not everyone who is financially rich give or help others.
“One afternoon Peter and John were going up to the temple at the hour of prayer, the ninth hour. And a man who was lame from birth was being carried to the temple gate called Beautiful, where he was put every day to beg from those entering the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter the temple, he asked them for money.
Peter looked directly at him, as did John. ‘Look at us!’ said Peter. So the man gave them his attention, expecting to receive something from them. But Peter said, ‘Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you: In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, get up and walk!’
Taking him by the right hand, Peter helped him up, and at once the man’s feet and ankles were strengthened. He sprang to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and leaping and praising God.
When all the people saw him walking and praising God, they recognized him as the man who used to sit begging at the Beautiful Gate of the temple, and they were filled with wonder and amazement at what had happened to him.” Acts 3:1-9
Whether you believe in the bible or not, if you believe that there is a spiritual power, a miracle working power…you can understand this.
The man was expecting money, because he thought it was money that he needed when it was miracle working power he needed. Peter’s job was to help him understand this. He helped him up and in faith, the man was able to walk.
He was born lame, meaning he was born disabled, unable to walk. Ever since birth, he was told that he was incapable, broken, “not enough”. Maybe he was told that he’ll never amount to anything, he had no place in the world but to beg. Perhaps his parents gave up on him.
I wonder if you have something in your life that you think….“I’ll never be enough because I was born into a poor family background. I’ll never be enough because I’m 30 and haven’t found a spouse. I’ll never be enough because I’m 80 and I haven’t done anything with my life. I’ll never be enough because I feel fat and I’ll never be thin like that celebrity on instagram. I’ll never be enough because I’ve failed in my business and can’t get out of debt the more I try. I’ll never be enough because I always find guys that ghost and disappear on me. I’ll never be enough because I don’t have any good friends and I feel utterly alone. I’ll never be enough because I’m just not good enough”.
I have good news.
First off, you are not alone. Every insecurity you can think of, I’ve thought of too. When I couldn’t pay rent, I’ve thought “how come everyone seems to have a perfect life, I’m here struggling. I know I have talents but how come those doors won’t open as hard as I try?”. But what God really wanted me to learn was utter TRUST in Him and through my journey of hardships I’ve learned my true identity as beloved, never basing my identity on achievement and accomplishments, but on my relationship with the one who never fails or leaves me.
Second, the only way up is through surrender. When you try to control something, it is unresolved. When you let go, it resolves. I believe that is one of the laws of the universe. Love allows, fear restricts.
Will you believe?
Will you let your defenses down, cry maybe, acknowledge your feelings of lack and surrender to the force that is for you and not against you? I give you permission to let it fall apart because sometimes the only way up is to let your failed attempts truly fall apart.
What did the lame man do? He paid attention to the man who could help him and he allowed Peter to help him up. He didn’t refuse help. Sometimes we are so caught up with our false independence that we won’t let others help us.
This life is meant to be lived with others. As I speak my story to people around me I am realizing that God never intended for me to become rich and famous, and then help others….He wanted me to show others that because I was helpless, God helped me and I found God’s strength in my weaknesses.
On His path to glory, Jesus went to the cross.
Which cross are you bearing right now, know that the cross (pain) you bear now is your stepping stone to true integrity, character, identity and love in your heart. The world is quickly becoming an eye for an eye society.
God is looking for people who will bear the cross, go the narrow path, be humbled, cling onto patience, love, and forgiveness.
Do you also notice that everyday people carried him to go begging at the gate? People allowed him to live out his insecurities instead of speaking truth into him. Be careful who you surround yourself with. Be careful who you attain advice from. Be careful who you come into agreement with and be careful what becomes routine for you.
Sometimes we need to take risks and do something different. Sometimes people come to break our routines, surprise us with the impossible. Don’t be afraid, God knows what He is doing. You are safe.
(Picture of me. Can you tell I was a deep child full of angsty thoughts?)
It’s one of those nights I can hardly sleep again. Many thoughts and things, my mind is a dizzy array of processing labyrinth. I can’t let go, I try, I pray, I do affirmations but I realize I probably just need to write it out and perhaps that is the gift of being a writer, thinking too deeply, feeling too deeply. And as a writer, as an artist I’m gifted to be one of those empaths I read about.
Which confirms my life and previous accusations of “why are you so tired all the time?”, “why can’t you handle this?”, “why are you so weak and sensitive?”, “why can’t you just move on?”, “you are too sensitive”, “why do you need so much alone time” or the anger I get from people when I tell them I need alone time.
I can’t process, I literally break down, I need alone time.
Try being an empath and growing up with people complaining to you, dumping their problems on you (especially your caretaker/parent). I find my physical being absorbing the heaviness of peoples’ problems, my own included. I am sore, weak, days where I feel like I can’t move but I still do, I walk, I dance, I need to express those emotions.
Other times I pray out loud, I have to verbalize those emotions.
But then I also know that after my alone time, I need people, I need to socialize, I need to express what I have been processing. I believe there are many people in this world that suffer in the silence as an empath, me included. We often try to overlook our need for space and time to process, thinking…”why can’t we just be like them? You know, the normal people who seem happy all the time”.
While people seem to move on happily from disappointments or traumatic events, I find myself spiraling in thoughts of “why me” or “when will this healing end?”. I had to learn to set boundaries from energy vampires. When I was coaching people one on one I realize that it really wasn’t my thing since I am unable to listen to peoples’ problems without carrying their energy. I much prefer group settings where I speak my story and encouragement without having to counsel people one on one.
I also had to learn how to set boundaries with people in my life. And even block people out. Though after I felt a bit of guilt, I realize that I had to put my heart first. It is an ongoing learning process for me. I am imperfect. But I am learning to have grace for myself.
I am glad that I have been rescued from the lie that “I should be__________”.
You don’t have to be anything. You don’t have to pretend to be like everyone else.
You don’t have to get over it- you take your time, you process your thoughts, you need alone time, you take it, you need to be with people, you do that.
Part of honoring your heart is learning to cherish what you need and to care for your soul in ways that others may not understand, and that’s okay. You might even anger or disappoint people. People may lash out at you or take it personally…just explain yourself. Communicate your needs…or not. Some people will not understand because they are only focused on their own needs, and sometimes that means letting them go. And that’s okay too.
We are all a little fucked up.
We have issues.
Even the most put together people have issues, they just don’t parade them around Instagram.
Recently I received this revelation that I was basically believing that I didn’t deserve happiness because of my past, because of bad decisions in the past, in my relationship.
So no I don’t believe in karma, I believe in forgiveness. If I believed in karma, then I really don’t deserve happiness and actually all of us are doomed. I believe in grace and forgiveness.
But see I didn’t dig that deep before, it was too painful.
I realized that my unforgiveness of self had caused me to close myself up to all potential suitors. It’s not because there aren’t suitable mates (and obviously there are plenty of unsuitable ones online), it’s because I didn’t think I deserved to be happy.
Do you need to forgive yourself for somethings in your life?
Sometimes we do things out of our brokenness but we don’t realize we are basing our truth on a lie.
“Why won’t this part of my life WORK ALREADY!” you try to work everything out externally but it just won’t give….maybe it’s finance, maybe it’s your relationship with your parents, maybe it’s your relationship, maybe it’s your health, maybe it’s your career, you’ve exhausted all your options, you’ve tried everything….
I dare you to look within.
Look back to your earliest or most recent memory of when you heard a lie, even if it was self-made “I’m not enough, I’m not good enough, I don’t deserve this”…..
Did someone tell you you’re not enough by disappearing, by neglecting you?
The answer isn’t outside of you, it’s inside.
It’s within your soul.
You deserve happiness.
PS- we make decisions based on the condition of our hearts so often our decisions are fear driven because we are looking for stability. That is why it is so important to forgive ourselves and love ourselves because our actions are simply a reflection of the condition of our hearts at that moment.
Less than 3 years ago I was sitting in a hostel in Barcelona in a bunkbed.
I had a dream that I was to quit real estate, like not actively participate in it anymore. I had just carried a duffel across western Europe and little did I know how much that experience would change my life. It was also on that bed that I first saw Toure Roberts speak via youtube. Up until then my relationship with God was outside of institutions because well I had let go of a really closed minded institution. I grew up going to church and I didn’t realize how legalistic most churches were until I finally left 6 plus years ago.
And I saw God like I never saw Him before. Gracious, fatherly, loving, generous, slow to anger, quick to love, quick to extend a hand.
Then like a snake, I shed everything. I shed my career, I shed my relationship, I shed some friendships, I shed my apartment, I shed my prized super comfy sofa that I really loved, I shed almost everything, the forks and plates.
I had built my life on a lie, that I wasn’t enough.
And God would speak into those insecurities and continue to speak “you are enough right here and right now” in the next days, next year, and so forth.
I learned to love myself in the darkest places of my heart. I learned to be okay with emotions, you know the ugly ones…emotions like “Hey you hurt me” or “hey that hurt, I mind that you said that”. I learned to VALUE my voice.
Because even now when I tell people what I’m going through they quickly remark “you are victorious” instead of being there with me in the pain. I have learned that not many people are comfortable with facing their place of pain. Reading “No More Faking Fine” has taught me to lament, to struggle with God in the pain, to be okay not being okay.
And obviously we all hate it when people complain too much or dwell on their pain 24 hours, we hate it…yah, that’s another issue, but some of us, like me, never learned to lament.
In the months and year of feeling like “nothing was happening” God was actually healing me and replacing the lie of “I’m not enough” to “I belong, I am enough. I am loved and accepted right here and right now”.
And in doing so, I no longer needed the attention of people…of men, or the desire to need to be wanted or chased by potential partners. I no longer needed acceptance from people. And yah, I still have insecurities here and there but I feel different, I feel at peace with who I am now.
No longer chasing things, opportunities, friends, potential friends, potential mates…I sunk deeper into God’s unconditional love for me.
I would no longer be defined by my accomplishments and accolades but by the tiny and still voice of “enough” and “love”.
I found God’s love to be deeply captivating, deeply protective, silently powerful.
The breakthrough is here. The breakthrough is you. The breakthrough is YOU knowing who you really truly are.
I just saw this pic of #rihanna and made this fun card. You will also get a fun pack of stickers, paper and fun!
Giveaway ends 2/15 in celebration of love!
To enter (CLICK HERE ON INSTAGRAM).
1. Follow @rebekkalien
2. Repost this pic and tags @rebekkalien
3. Optional for additional entry: subscribe to www.rebekkalien.com
I would love to connect to all my readers. Feel free to find me via the web! I’m very active on instagram! 🙂
Today was a magical day.