The Path of Intimacy

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The path of intimacy with Jesus requires that He prunes you (to cut off or cut back parts of for better shape or more fruitful growth- Mirriam Webster).

Jesus will prune you of things that are not of Him, unhealthy soul ties, attachment to things or status, a need for external things to validate your identity. 

He does this not because He is mean, but because He is good. First He has to prune you from what you think you need.

Because He is ALL that you need. And He is the only one that will complete you so that you become enough, whole, NOT lacking. 

He wants to give you ALL things, He wants to bless you and spoil you.

But He cannot do it when you are wanting it out of lack. Because in Christ you are not lacking. 

Imagine if you felt like there was something missing within you, so you go searching for it- in a relationship, in your career, in your finances, in material things, in fame, in status, in reputation, in how others view you….

You ask God to answer your prayers.

“God please give me this and that, please give me a husband, please please….because I don’t have enough and I am not enough….ultimately, because I don’t believe that you are enough”.

God wants to give you EVERYTHING, but He will make sure that LACK belief is out of your system before He blesses you. He wants that blessing to be a representation of WHO YOU ARE, not who you are not.

Ultimately, He wants you to know who He is in the process. He wants you to know His heart for you, He wants to sing over you versus you getting what you want and then walking away, then desperately praying for Him to deliver you when you are in a bind.

Are you willing to be solely committed to Jesus, as His bride? (even if you are a man)

Do you believe He will never leave nor forsake you? Will you walk with Him in the process instead of running away or only coming to Him when you are desperate?

A wife trusts, relies on her husband. Jesus who is whole and complete made you whole and complete with His sacrifice on the cross. You are not lacking one thing. 

When you believe you are whole, all things will be added unto you. Everything you could ever imagine and much more. 

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Prophetic Word: TAKE UP THE ROOM

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I woke up from a dream where I was in a room and I said “I have a part of this room that is invisible”, then there was a pipe that was connected to the washer and dryer and old dust and huge pieces of lint was coming out. I said “we seriously need to get the parts changed”.

When I woke up I kept hearing “take up the room”.

“Take up the room.

You were once invisible, but take up the room. Be visible. You are visible no matter HOW much you try to hide. They are all staring because they see a light within you, SHINE.

Don’t be embarrassed, you will not be humiliated.

Don’t be ashamed, because I have redeemed you- says the Lord.

Walk proudly with your head up.

I am cleaning out the old things that no longer resemble you. No longer are you a widow or a barren women/men. You have and are continuing to birth new things that no men or women has seen. You are NOT like the world. The world clamors AFTER the bright lights, but they have NOTHING to show.

YOU, you have truth, you have light. You have hope, you are amazing. My spirit lives within you, that is truth. Diamonds and gold cannot COMPARE to you. 

Your clothes can’t even represent you because your true light is THE ESSENCE of you, the ENERGY of you, the vibes. You emanate wonder.

When you SPEAK you roar like a lion, causing all to be surprised. How can something so piercing to the soul come from a small woman/man like you?

You are not small, you are grand.

No matter how people view you, you are grand in my eyes. You are a king/queen. You are destined to rule. Though you are now laying down what was, look- how I am giving you new garments of praise, new futures. Things you have never seen, never could have imagined for yourself.

Though you wept and grieved for the last season, now rejoice, I am doing something new.

You will not be humiliated, for I the LORD am your strong redeemer. I will redeem the places that caused you pain, I will repay you for what you lost. All is not lost. I said ALL is not lost. I AM redeeming it ALL WITH interest!!

You WILL NOT remember the tears you cried.

For it is finished.”

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Sow a seed!

 

Go Where You Are Uncomfortable

I felt the pangs of despair, I cried the tears of hopelessness.

In the waiting, I thought I would never get whole. 

But here I am, hopeful.

Here I am, proving them wrong.

Here I am, with my whole heart. 

I’ve been kicked around, accused, rejected.

I got up every time. I kept getting up until they stopped and marveled.

“How is she still getting up? Shouldn’t she be in the corner, depressed and hopeless?”

Then I will point to God and I’ll keep looking up because you never failed me, you never gave up on me. Your hands kept reaching for me, you kept lifting me up.

It was You all along. 

Just like dating, you are putting yourself out there again.

You are putting your heart out and you are scared that you may get hurt again.

But don’t stop being yourself, now is YOUR time to shine. 

Sow A Seed and contribute to the Kingdom!

Protect The Word God Gave You

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When you are in a transition season, you will often be tested.

“The farmer sows the word. Some are like the seeds along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them.

Others are like the seeds sown on rocky places. They hear the word and at once receive it with joy. But they themselves have no root, and they remain for only a season. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away.

Still others are like the seeds sown among the thorns. They hear the word, but the cares of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth, and the desire for other things come in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.

Yet others are like the seeds sown on good soil. They hear the word, receive it, and produce a crop—thirtyfold, sixtyfold, or a hundredfold.” Matthew 13:18-23

When I was younger, I used to tell everyone what God told me (just like Joseph with his family). In truth, I wanted approval. I wanted someone to say “oh wow, goodness, you are going to be this and that, I am so proud of you and I totally believe what God told you”.

Then as I grew up, I realize that not everyone believed me and instead they put me down and laughed at me. 

There were some seasons where God told me to not tell a soul, then recently He told me it was okay to tell a few trusted souls after months of incubation. The outcome was not always what I expected. Instead, I found myself doubting the word God gave me. 

“Why would you tell me it’s okay to tell people when you KNEW it would put doubt in my heart?” – Me

“To strengthen your faith and resolve”- God

It says that “trouble and persecution comes BECAUSE of the word”. So why the heck would I want to have a word from God if trouble and persecution will come BECAUSE of that word? 

Because when THE WORD bears fruit….They hear the word, receive it, and produce a crop—thirtyfold, sixtyfold, or a hundredfold. 

When I realized that it was just the enemy trying to shake me from God’s promises for me, I quickly forgave the people who started attacking me. I realize this was just a test for me to see how unshakable my faith was in what GOD told me.

Why would God allow it?

To make sure HIS word has taken roots in my heart and that I will not be shaken when trouble, persecution, cares of this life, deceitfulness of wealth and the desire for other things comes.

He is building an unshakeable people, not a shakeable people that will walk away from His promises right when other people start attacking or putting doubts in their mind.

In Genesis, Satan asks “Did God really say, ‘You must not eat of any tree in the garden?’” (this was preached by Toure Roberts here)

He first attempts to put doubt in Adam and Eve’s mind….did God really say? 

The woman answered the serpent, “We may eat the fruit of the trees of the garden, but of the fruit of the tree in the middle of the garden, God has said, ‘You must not eat of it or touch it, or you will die.’”

“You will not surely die,” the serpent told her. “For God knows that in the day you eat of it, your eyes will be opened and you will be like God, knowing good and evil.”

Then HE gives them a new word that contains a LIE in it. 

He told them a lie so that they would STEP out of the promise God had for them. When they chose to believe the lie, they acted upon the lie. 

I feel like this is not the season to have self-doubt.

God has given you a word and it is time to nurture that word and not give any opening to the enemy to abort that word.

I think that is why God often did not want me to reveal what He was doing in my life (or going to do in my life) because He knew I wouldn’t be able to withstand the accusations or opinions that came with exposure. 

I pray that you would be able to withstand the testing as your rest in the perfect grace of God. You do not need anyone’s approval to walk into the WORD GOD gave you. 

Whatever He has told you, protect it with your life.

People often abort what God is doing because they’ve exposed it too quickly and exposed themselves to attacks they cannot handle. Because of that they walk away from what God originally told them.

You do not need a pastor, mentor, friends or family to agree with what God has told you. You just need a word from God.

God Wants To Meet You In The Unknown

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I’ve been battling a cold recently.

I had a dream last night where I couldn’t figure out what train to get on, whether to Azusa or Disneyland. I took the train the wrong way, I got off, then took the train the right way, and then got off to take another train. Then I just decided to go use the restroom which was in between both trains. A door opened up for me to go number one.

In another dream, I was trying to choose the right cup to drink water from because I was parched. But I didn’t like any of the cups. Some were too big and some were dirty. Then I was lying on the beach and I had no sunscreen on and my eye was parched.

When I woke up I felt like God wanted to meet me in the unknown.

The waiting and transition season often feels like a drag. It feels uncertain, unstable…you often can’t answer peoples’ questions like “what have you been up to?”

Your reply might be “just resting”.

But it’s not just resting, it’s meeting God in the unknown. 

The transition period often calls for us to be still and know that God is God. 

He wants to remind us of His character – that He is good, that He loves us, that He knows what He is doing, that He sometimes puts us in a season of rest so that we understand His character.

And that is why Resting is so hard for people of this world. RESTING means letting go and trusting that everything will work out. 

That is why most people cannot rest if they have dire circumstances in life, but we know that Jesus is working on our behalf (we live from a place of victory) and so even in dire circumstances our hearts can rest in a God who knows what HE is doing, who is trust worthy and who never LEAVES nor forsakes us. 

So it’s not really just about God answering your prayers or delivering a miracle….it’s manifesting all those things HE wants to give us from a place of knowing how much He loves us and cares for us. He wants us to live out of our God given identities.

He wants to bless us as fathers bless their children, from a pure heart of love.

Whenever I try to figure out or ask God “what should I do?” I now know that I want to DO without knowing who He is or who I am.

When we are trying to figure out what’s next, it is often because “in the waiting” we have become impatient and doubt creeps in. This doubt asks us “does God knows what He is doing? Is He a good God? Should I try to handle this situation now since it doesn’t seem like God is doing anything?”

In the transition period, God desires for us to KNOW His character and heart in a deeper and stronger way.  He wants us to know WHO He really is in every circumstance. He wants us to mature in our understanding of our position in Christ.

So many people want to have His material blessings without becoming people who walk with Him as friends. The true blessing is becoming a people who carry His presence and become blessings on this earth because of their intimacy with Jesus. 

God desires for us to KNOW who we are– people with spiritual inheritance and authority. A people who have a Father who loves them.

God desires for us to KNOW who HE is– A God who loves us unconditionally and HAS PLANS to prosper us and not to harm us.

The unknown season forces us to get to know WHO we are in Christ and WHO He is for US.

So don’t feel burdened or rushed to get to the next season, there are treasures of intimacy in the unknown and waiting season. Feed your soul and spirit with the love of God. Indulge in the love God has for you. Rest in knowing that His grace is enough for you.

“I need you to understand who you are and who I am for you before I open the doors to the next season. Not knowing who you are could cause you to open doors to people and opportunities that will hurt you more than help you. I need you to walk in the Christ given authority you were meant to walk in, you inheritance causes you to walk in true spiritual power”- says the Lord.

Single-Minded

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This is for all my single ladies and gents out there who are waiting for their true love.

I kept hearing this phrase “single-minded”. It has two meanings obviously, single on your mind and single minded “having or concentrating on only one aim or purpose” (google). 

I’ve been meeting a lot of ladies who have singleness on their mind. They are looking for their true love, their husband.

I have been single for 4 years, minus the dating spree I went on after breaking up with my ex. I knew he was not going to be my husband. We didn’t have any similar vision or calling in life.

For some reason, I actually feel quite peaceful about it. 

I think it’s because I have become single-minded – living with and for Jesus. 

This was not always the case. If anyone should be boy-crazed, drama filled or dysfunctional it should be me. If anyone should have a boat load of daddy issues, it should be me since I did not see my dad for 10 years; and still, I see him every few years. He lives in another country.

Yes, my former years in middle school and high school were filled with tears, heart ache, journals filled with love stories with imaginary boyfriends and celebrities. If anyone should still have love drama in my life, it should be me…I mean I was the one girl who stood across the street from a crush’s house and creepily watched him walk in his house everyday.

So why at this point of being single for 4 years am I so content and peaceful?

It took awhile for me to heal from my past relationships. My heart desired acceptance. My life was laden with rejection and abandonment issues that I felt unsafe and insecure. I felt like I was lacking and that I wasn’t enough.

I tried to find security in imaginary boyfriends or eventually real boyfriends.

Sometimes my security was anchored in a career, in my drive and type A personality.

Sometimes my security was anchored in how much I could do for others. This often led to burn out and sickness.

Sometimes my security was anchored in how productive I was or how accomplished I was.

I was also a mommy pleaser. I did things for my mom and others for acceptance and validation.

It took some time for God to break off those things from me. Slowly I found my voice, I found the voice to say “no”. I valued myself more. 

One day I woke up and unfriended and unfollowed every guy I ever dated or had feelings for.

I became “single-minded”. 

I didn’t want to play around with my destiny anymore. I wanted to be single-minded, to focus on the only one who already gave me true love and true validation. This one was named Jesus. He took me in His arms and whispered truths to me. He told me how much He loved me and how proud of me He was.

Yes, did I spend many holidays, new years, Christmas eve, Christmas alone?

Yes, but I wasn’t alone. God was with me and it was peaceful…no drama.

Did I find the silence sometimes confusing, unbearable? Yes.

Did I find myself going on walks feeling like I was always going to be in the stage I was in life? Yes.

Did I sometimes have negative thoughts that plagued me, speaking lies and telling me that I was “not enough”? Yes.

But Jesus was with me through it all. He helped me overcome all things and continues to do so. He is with me in the pain, the tears and the laughter. He is with me in all things. 

I was in a wilderness for the past 4 years, rebuilding my heart and following the still small voice. I was misunderstood, rejected and left for dead. But through it all, I became powerful in my spirit. Nothing could faze me. I was scorned by my own family members, accused when I was actually just following God.

The path that Jesus walks on is not always easy. It requires sacrifice.

But everything HE calls you to is worth it because you are always upgraded in your spirit, overcoming fear, anger, bitterness, grief. 

Suddenly you find yourself in the storm, sleeping peacefully while everyone is screaming for their lives.

That is the true single mindedness I’m talking about.

When you come to a place where you realize you are enough, you are not lacking, you are not single, you are whole in Christ Jesus. You are not a fragmented piece looking for your other half, you are a whole piece who will meet another whole piece.

Testimony Tuesday

Write your story with honesty and transparency. Maybe you will get criticized, but maybe and most likely you will set the captives free.

I’m wondering where I should start but I have been having dreams about telling my testimony.

I’ll start from the beginning then.

I was born in Hamburg, Germany. My parents moved there to study. They both spoke German but we are Taiwanese.

I moved a lot growing up. In fact, my mom was a backpacker like me. We weren’t the traditional Asian family. In fact, our lives were riddled with traveling, but often not on a luxurious budget.

I then moved to Taiwan and lived there until I was 8. Then I immigrated to America. My parents got divorced then.

I didn’t see my dad for 10 years. When I did see him, he was older, frail, not what I remembered. God took me through years and years of healing and forgiveness.

I can’t tell you how hard it was to forgive people in my life, but I know it’s supernatural.

My journey of faith was lifelong.

I knew God was always with me but I accepted Him when I was 12. From then on, I was already an outcast. I was just different. I was different in personality and style. My wardrobe was eclectic. I couldn’t fit in anywhere. My mom made my clothes so I didn’t have any brand name clothes. I felt less than because of that, I wanted to fit in but I didn’t have the money to.

So I earned my own money. I was plagued with feelings of unworthiness and started selling toys in 3rd grade. I started saving my own money because I wanted to be significant. 

This post is really about finance, identity, grace and God (your Abba Father).

SO I worked my ass off to be significant and worthy. I was selling stuff in middle school, under the table, very literally…while the teacher was talking. I was always entrepreneurial you see….but I didn’t know my identity in Christ. I also wanted to help my single mother.

I went onto pursue Fashion Design and Business, I saw my life with expectation and vision. I would climb the corporate ladder and (be miserable) like Devil Wears Prada. I wanted fame and status. I didn’t know why I wanted it exactly but everyone affirmed it, everyone applauded my goals, everyone was also running this rat race. 

Achievement and accomplishment was so ingrained and embedded in my identity that it took years to break off.

You see, even in church my accomplishments and DOING was applauded. 

The more I did and served in church, the more people applauded me. 

“you’re a great leader” they would say.

Things kind of hit the fan when one leader pushed undue responsibilities on me. “You didn’t take care of this person”- they said. I was probably 18 then? I thought to myself, how could I take care of others when I can’t even take care of myself.

I was dry. I had been wrung out with no more soap to go on. I was a really dry sponge.

Then some other mentor that I thought I could trust basically cursed me out.

I was forced out.

I wondered why.

I wondered why me. I was hurt.

Then I went on a pilgrimage, and it took many years to see myself right. I walked into the wilderness and I was confused. I knew I had greatness on my life but I didn’t know why I kept getting hit over and over again. Why was life so hard if I was supposed to be winning?

There’s more to be said but I’ll continue with this….

After years of trying to make it on my own, trying to be significant…I found myself following Jesus when He said to sell everything and follow Him. I had packed up my stuff in my friend’s garage and flew over to Hawaii to stay with another friend. I had gotten rid of my apartment, gotten rid of my car, and was off the radar.

On the outside, people had no idea that I was just obeying God. 

But you see, sometimes your obedience looks crazy to others. 

A year later, I was in Thailand. I had a one way ticket and everywhere I went I was simply following Holy Spirit. I didn’t go to vacation, I was simply exercising my faith. Because it wasn’t like I saved money to go, I had $1000 that I basically used up in Thailand. So now how did I go to Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore, etc. I’m not sure, things always worked out. Did I do it with fear and trembling? Yes. But I saw God move and He used me to speak into peoples’ lives.

I found myself pushing a suitcase on the streets of downtown and staying in a Korean spa. I could have contacted people but God told me specifically not to. Why? He wanted me to trust Him, not people.

But God showed up in ways I never would have expected (I’ll have to write a book someday).

God taught me grace- that grace is not something I work for but something I receive and inherit because JESUS died for me to have it. 

I learned what it REALLY means to be a child of God.

Many people become Christians but never activate and use their faith. They stay stagnant and unchanging because they don’t realize that faith must be exercised.

You will not receive the PROMISE LAND if you trust in your own efforts. You must go forward, empty handed sometimes.

I am stronger now in Christ than when I was strong in my flesh. 

THERE IS A BIG transition and change coming and I know that many of you (myself included) is wondering HOW GOD is going to do it. But I promise you that He will do it, somehow. Because HE HAS done it before. 

“In my frequent journeys, I have been in danger from rivers and from bandits, in danger from my countrymen and from the Gentiles, in danger in the city and in the country, in danger on the sea and among false brothers, in labor and toil and often without sleep, in hunger and thirst and often without food, in cold and exposure.

Apart from these external trials, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches….If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. The God and Father of the Lord Jesus, who is forever worthy of praise, knows that I am not lying..” 2 Corinthians 11

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Amsterdam, Holland

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Hanoi, Vietnam- 12182820_10156181978565603_8331432383287719801_o

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Melaka, Malaysia

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Morocco

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