The Greatest Thing You Can Do Is To Disappoint People

Sitting on the bus, staring out the window, I realized dang life is cray. When I was in high school I thought that life would be a, b, to c. Little did I know that life is much more flavorful and full. I wanted to be a fashion designer, my mom intitally wanted me to be a pianist or pharmacist since my grandad owned a pharmacy, and well when I actually entered the fashion industry I hated it with severe hatred.

My life became a whirlwind after I quit my full time job. From backpacking Australia, starting a jewelry business, expanding out to teaching English to two 70 year olds, to dating, to falling into a long term relationship, to moving, to meeting relatives for the first time, to backpacking in Europe, South America, etc..coaching…to becoming a realtor to quitting to entering the entertainment industry…to purely writing.

Of course a series of “disappointing people” events seem to mark my last 6 years.

First disappointing people who you worked with, a series of quitting, and starting…

And disappointing my mom. Yes, she could no longer boast about her daughter because she couldn’t say I was taking care of her or even that I had any kind of stable lifestyle or work.

When I started to come into my own and owning the life I wanted, I started saying no more and more. 

No I don’t want to hang out with you.

No I don’t want to go there.

No I don’t want to be your friend.

No I don’t want to go out with you.

It was freeing. Exhilarating. Relieving. I realized after hanging up the phone with a person who didn’t agree with my choices that I could never please everyone and its freeing.

When you disappoint people they should realize they had expectations of you that were marked by their own prejeduice and judgement about who you should be. That’s control.

And when you disappoint them it shows them that they had false expectations of who they should be too. You show them its okay to make their own mistakes and to be their own selves, not to please others but to live authentically.

I hope that I continue to shockingly disappoint people. 

Because I want to live in complete freedom and authenticity. Is it hard to face people who reject you because of your decisions? Yes, I’ve struggled and brooded in shame and guilt, but when I finally came to terms with the fact that I am my own person and I am Fucking perfect in my own way…and God made me this way, I am freed to live my life.

People will always have an opinion, but it is those ones that allow you to be yourself that are your true friends.

Ps…I just wanted to say when I realize my purpose wasn’t to please people, it allowed people like my mom to live her own freedom…it gave people freedom to see that they could live a free life too.

If your heart is healing, read this.

Middle of the night, being woken by a dream type of writing is usually my type of writing. The writing is clearer, more concise, less tainted by what I think it should be, like streams of thought writing. I’m less likely to judge and censor. I usually get a download of thoughts when I wake up in the middle in the middle of the night.

I don’t write for my readers, I write what I believe is true in my heart and what I think people really need. And it’s also a direct download from God.

Okay I’m obsessed with Terrace House on netflix. 

I cried and laughed. I truly felt the emotions that every member felt in this Japanese reality show. It’s not like American ones. It’s not sex crazed, hyper sexualized, focused on mere skin. It focuses on the characters’ emotions, intellect, conflict resolution between roommates and lovers. I found it deeply refreshing and different.

Having been on reality TV in America, I know the pressures producers have to “produce good rating”….I’ve heard of my friend, who is also in the entertainment industry, being coerced to do things she didn’t want to do. I call that manipulation.

It is so important to stay loyal to your core, to who you are NO MATTER WHAT. 

Spoiler alert:

Towards the end of season 2 there is a girl I won’t name since you’ll want to watch it after reading this…..she falls for a guy who is thugish and cool, but I think immature, and too young for her. Anyways, he rejects her and claims she is insecure….

She is heart broken.

I found her emotions refreshing and real. Because how many times do we put our hearts out there, later pretending it never happened. Her emotions were real and raw, that is something to be proud of….IF YOU CAN FEEL AND EXPRESS YOUR EMOTIONS- YOU SHOULD BE PROUD. To have the courage to allow your heart to feel what it wants to feel is brave. 

OKAY- SO SHE MEETS ANOTHER GUY RIGHT AFTER WHO IS MADLY IN LOVE WITH HER. LIKE finds everything the previous guy criticized about her to be a strength.


THIS is so key.

OMG. Never settle. Your breakthrough, the love of your life, your opportunity is in waiting for the RIGHT ONE! OMG. I can’t say it enough. Over the years, God has taught me so much about valuing my own heart. I’m finally in a season where I am more willing to love again….it also taught me that my ability to be happy in life is in direct proportion to how much I open my heart to life…

So while I healed from previous tragedies (breakup from long-term relationship and lost of best friends)……….there was only so much I could handle in terms of enjoying what God wanted to give me. I barely had energy to truly enjoy life.

As my heart started to heal, I found rest to be most vital. I rested, I let my heart heal, grow, comprehend, feel. I gave my heart the space it needed to flourish again. Sometimes I wanted to rush the process, but eventually I learned that it was causing my wounds to fester again….like when you get hurt and keep playing at the scabs wanting the scabs to go away…but it only opens the wounds up and doesn’t give it time to heal over.

I wanted it to be over, the process. I wanted to move on with life, but somehow God knew I wasn’t ready for it. He wanted to address issues I had, that went all the back to 5 years old, feelings of abandonment and rejection.

I went deep in this journey. Really deep, so deep I could feel pangs in my heart, like little heart surgeries. Digging up stones in my heart was difficult..not going to lie.

I faced my hurts, I forgave people, I came to understand my personality, my hangups, why I did what I did…you know those things that people go to therapy for. These things really determine what flows out of you during the day.

The truth is if you don’t deal with those issues, they will continue to come up in every area of your life….don’t ignore those wounds. Tend to them.

Until I could really see my true worth, it was difficult to overcome the offense, the hurts caused by other people. Because I was valuing their opinion of me over who God said I was. Yes people pleaser.

But now, I feel more free. I value my heart more. I am learning to put my heart and myself before other people. It is important because we determine how others treat us. I was taught to put others first, but I think it’s bad theology. God has shown me that when you can put yourself first, you are more able to love others out of overflow versus obligation. 

Extraordinary Ordinary Moments


I had a few nightmares last night and woke up in the middle of the night to cut down the small skeleton garland outside the porch, I walked to the trash can and tossed them. Somehow I needed to do that to cut ties with the spirit of death that was haunting me.

Good thing my dreams didn’t stay there. It continued on with someone making me spaghetti.

11:40am- take the bus to Pasadena

I eat at Sushi Stop, and I am not pleased with the sushi. Something has changed, the owner maybe. I don’t finish the carpaccio or whatever you call it, spirit tells me the end of it will make me sick.

I need to poop. I go inside Intelligentsia and ask for the code, but is given the wrong code. Good thing some guy comes and gives me the right code. I am defecating and the energy saving lights turn off. Now I have no light to wipe. Great. I’m sitting in the dark, trying to use my tablet light. Someone finally comes in and there is light. I yell “THANK GOD”. Girl laughs. When I exit I yell “thank you for saving my life”.

I proceed to fill my metro tap card. I wait for the 501, first time taking an express bus and within 15 minutes I’ve arrived in Burbank. I need to pee. I go to the hospital which the stop is near. I see a basket with “prayer request”, grab a slip and write down my request….please pray as I’m going to an audition, nothing to do with being sick or ill. I go back out for some tea, I go back in to pee and brush my teeth. I look like a hippie with my Mexican bought purple and pink hippie backpack.

I finally walk over for my audition. I am told that I have to impersonate a specialist of something I have no idea of. In the audition, I am suddenly struck with that tv show I once watched and am captivated in speech. How did I become so intelligent in this area?

All is done. I exit and meet a stranger at a bus stop. We talk about work and life. Within 15 minutes I’m back in Pasadena. I am hungry, for something. I don’t know what. But suddenly I realize it is French Fries. I walk over to the Taco place for french fries and drop loads of raddishes and salsa into the bag. I’m sitting outside and sees the owner of that bar across. I’ve stuffed myself. I walk over for some boba. I’m really in a rush, and I don’t know why. But as I’m peeing I realize, I just want to get home and watch netflix already. 

When I finally get home there is a package awaiting me.

Extraordinary Ordinary Moments. I squeal when I open it. Just what I needed in this really particular day and moment. I’m captivated by the drawings and the introduction. What was moments of free time for Jorey (the author), became expressions of love and ordinary moments that turned extraordinary. I’m in love, with those ordinary moments, like when a stranger walked into the eco-saving bathroom and created light for me to wipe my ass. 5 out of 5 as I will be using this journal to write down moments of pee and poop. It is SO affordable in my opinion, everyone should have one. 


Ps- I did receive this book to give an honest review. I’m honest as can be right?

2 Years Later


Almost 2 years after I signed with a commercial acting agent, I find myself in a place I’ve never thought I’d be.

Instead of going and following a traditional path, God led me to places I never thought I’d go. I backpacked in Europe for 2 months, I went to England, Spain, Czech Republic, Italy, Germany, Holland….right after I signed and was supposed to go the traditional path. I had a dream that confirmed my next step, I was to quit my career in real estate.

I auditioned a bunch in the entertainment industry, but something inside of me needed more of life, love and healing. I felt that God had closed all the doors. I wanted to go deeper with God and even though everything around me told me to follow the A, B, C’s, I listened to my heart. 

I had been an entrepreneur for 5 years, but I was still holding onto my dreams, not allowing God to possess all of my heart.

Then I moved, I sold everything.

God was building my insides, my power, my identity.

In September of last year, I left LA with a one way ticket to Thailand. I traversed through Thailand, Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, then Taiwan.

This year, God opened doors for me to “travel for free”, through and with my passions. I got to do a travel show in Paris, I then went to Morocco on my own. I came back and flew to Philippines for a fashion tv show. Even then I realized that I had held onto personal “hows”- meaning I had a controlled plan for what I thought should happen and what I thought God should do to open doors for me to honor Him.

Now I know God never works in our finite ways. 

He is infinitely creative and we really need to get out of our own ways. 

It has been a few months since I’ve auditioned at all for anything. I’ve just been focusing on my inner strength and strengthening the relationships I have. Today I’ll go in not looking to please, but to go with the power and spirit that God has put inside of me. I’ve grown in many ways, but the most important way- knowing my identity, not in the stamp of approval that society and industries give, but in knowing my daughtership in Christ. 


Simplified Chinese and Jewish grandmas. 

“Look into the camera, think of all the things you’ve been through.”

Yes, I’ve been through hell and back. My eyes sunk, with a depressed voice I started reading the simplified Chinese on the board. If only she knew what I’ve been through. Of course I wouldn’t get this one, I’ve just butchered the whole Chinese language.

I waited for the bus, a 2 hour ride home. 2 grandma- aged ladies start complimenting my outfit. A 1 hour conversation ensues on the bus. I’m reminded that we are always at the right place at the right time, not always to get the goal, but to enjoy the process, and this time with my two Jewish mamas. Hearing their stories remind me how our lives are rich with love and lost, and that is the true beauty of growth.



I had a dream I was teaching a class and people were rolling their eyes or laughing at what I had to say even though it was my life story: God has made me unrejectable. I woke up crying. My heart was twingy.

Jesus claimed me before I was born. I was not planned, my dad was having an affair and my mom was in the angriest state of her life. I was in the womb.

I am reminded God chooses the unlikely.

He chooses the foolish things of the world to shame the wise. 

So that it is not by human might or power but by spirit.

A warrior must overcome great challenges to become stable in her heart. Unmovable. Firm. Steady. Unrelenting.

Besides being an accident, I was moved from home to home, country to country. Later rejected by peers, by family. For some reason I never gave up. I wanted to live for my dream. I wanted something more out of life, I didn’t want to settle.

Institutions rejected me.

Or did not have the capacity to accept the wondrous, the extrordinary.

I chose to forgive because I have been forgiven.

Religion vomitted me out, church folks vomitted out.

I did not stay silent, I continued to speak up. I spoke up to supervisors at work, I spoke up to producers, I spoke up to professors, I spoke up to leaders.

I stood out, I got laughed at because of my unmatching stockings.

Then in the moments of rejection, I would feel His embrace “you are perfect, I made you perfectly”. 

I became fearless, I became wild and free, carefree.

Because I knew whose I was. 

So if you feel rejected, remember that it just means some people have no capacity for different things, for extraordinary. God created you perfectly.

It is all training so that when hundreds and thousands are against you, you will be able to stand for what you believe (with your heart unfettered by anger, bitterness and hate).

Riley Unlikely- Simple Childlike Faith


Hello Friends,

I am back with another book review. Riley Unlikely caught my attention because of its’ book cover, to be honest. I like the teal color. Anyhow, the story is about a young teenager who goes to Kenya, Africa for volunteer work. Riley overcomes difficulties and cultural differences, but is touched by her encounter with the children she helps. She encounters several miracles in her journey to later provide sanitary supplies, school supplies, and build a home for the children. Later she also finds out about a physical ailment that will affect her life forever. However, she overcomes each obstacle with her faith in God.

Reading this book reminded me of my early days when I used to go on volunteer trips. The first time I watched a anti-human trafficking video was when I was 14. I think having an activist heart influenced many decisions I later made to change the world. Every summer I went on a trip, I can still remember each kid’s smile and tears. It made my life worth living. I highly recommend people to get out of their comfort zone and do something worthwhile. It will change the course of your life.

I give this book 5 out of 5 Bex Stars. Her story is very inspirational and worth reading for those that have somehow lost touch with their purpose in life.

PS- This book was given to be exchange for an honest review. For more reviews, updates and inspirational reads, please subscribe on the right side and LIKE my page on FB too. Love, BEX. 







When you are sad I will make sure to listen

When you are tired I will let you rest

When you want to have fun I will go with you instead of forcing you to stay in

When you get scared I wont bully you and ask why you dont have enough faith, but ease the fears with my courageous truth

I will never leave you and I will fend for you, I will speak up for you because you are worth every word and every action

I will do things to make you happy, say things to encourage you. You are the brightest star around.

I wont guilt trip you to do things you dont want to. I give you freedom to have your own personality and preferences.

Vows to myself.



Photos from a cruise to Ensenada, Mexico