God Is Setting You Free of Fear- Control Is A Demonic Stronghold! You Can’t Be Spirit LED and Fear Driven!

Last night as I was walking to the bathroom I saw a woman crying. I asked to pray for her and then ended up going to dinner with her and her daughter.

As she was sharing her life with me, I sensed a lot of fear, anxiety and control. I told her several visions.

I said “I see you in a boat and there is a hole in the boat but you are trying to patch the hole with anything, even your own clothes. However, I see Jesus reaching His hand to you. He is walking on water. He is above it all. You need to reach out to Him, not try to fix everything”.

If you connect with God laterally, everything horizontally will be worked out.

Some us us are trying to control our lives. We control every penny we spend, we save, we live in fear. We depend on our money for stability and security. We say we are building a nest and a legacy for our children but it’s idolatry.

Control is a demonic stronghold based in fear.

As I continued talking to the woman, I had another vision.

I said “I see a new season, a new door of light. You are on the escalator, it’s automatically going up via grace of God but you are tiring yourself out running in the same place on the same step even though it’s already moving”.

The crazy thing is she found out about this hostel “accidentally” at 8-9 am that morning while the Lord told me to stay at this hostel at 9am.

Divine timing.

I was the prophetic solution. I carried the word for her. I was the messenger.

The problem is usually not the problem, everything is spiritual and the solution is always to surrender to God.

God does not ask us to fend for ourselves or to figure out the solution.

I know there are times I try to figure out how I will eat, where I will sleep, how and when the funds will come in for the next country or even next day but God asks me to trust completely in Him and not in the funds.

So what do you depend on more than God?

That becomes an idol.

You cannot be spirit led if you are fear driven. If you are fear driven you control aspects of your life to feel in control, thinking it’s safety.

But that’s idolatry and that keeps you in bondage. It’s a demonic stronghold.

After my meeting with her, I had a dream that my mom and other relatives had set up shop and were trying to sell stuff.

Everything was neat and tidy. I was so angry. I got a baseball bat and flung everything, destroying the things that represented fear and bondage.

Then I started dancing on the table that the items were set up on.

The Holy Spirit represents freedom. It is freedom. God is freedom. Jesus came to fulfill the rules, not to give us rules.

I shared with the woman that Jesus finished the work on the cross and she shouldn’t be striving for perfection because in God’s eyes He only sees Jesus in her. She needs to rest in the finished work. God doesn’t even see imperfection anymore at the point of receiving Jesus.

He only sees wholeness.

The other day when a new friend sowed a seed, she said “you earned it” since she felt so much better after I prayed for her.

That always bothered me. I realized it’s because I didn’t earn it. I deserve it because Jesus died on the cross for me to have it. Healing costs so much more than $20, $30, $500, $10,000, a million.

Healing came from Jesus sacrifice. He took the punishment on the cross.

I didn’t earn it. Jesus paid for it. He paid for her healing and He paid for this ministry. So if anyone ever sows they are simply sowing what God gave them.

And God called me to ask her not simply because He is providing for me but because He wanted to break off the spirit and fear of lack off of her. That’s what giving does.

I am not in need. I am empowered by the Holy Spirit and fearless. I’m not in fear of lack anymore because I’ve had nothing on the road at times and yet God came through. So when I ask people to give it’s not for me, it’s for them.

God wants us to live in freedom. He wants us to live free of fear from judgement, rejection, lack and death. He wants us to rely on Him more than we rely on our sense of control over our career, what’s next, relationships, friendships, finances.

Will you surrender control?

Will you be a child and let God take your hand?

When we try to control our lives we are operating as our own god.

When we walk with God, we put Him where He needs to be, a father, our husband.

Give to The Building Of God’s Kingdom-




You Will No Longer Be Rejected, But Celebrated!

The spirit of rejection stems from a spirit of lack and says to you that you are unworthy of love or honor.

I battled a spirit of rejection most of my life. From the moment I was in my mom’s womb she spoke words over me, regret, hatred, bitterness. At that time my dad was cheating on my mom. You can imagine how angry she was.

I felt that. When I was young I had really bad temper. I exploded and yelled and felt everyone was attacking me and they often were.

When I received Jesus into my life my temperament changed completely but I still felt rejected at times.

I think because I was different. I always stood out. I had interesting fashion in high school. In fact my mom made most of my clothes. I was born in Germany, then moved to Taiwan, then America. I am a third culture kid and never felt like I fit in anywhere.

I got voted most unique in high school. Recently I watched a movie called Wonder Land. There is a part Peanut hides in a house and counts and organizes candies based on color. It gave him a sense of control.

Some of us become workaholics and refuse to have a social life because it gives us control and no one can reject us when we have no relationships.

God has challenged me to put myself out there. Whether it’s talking to strangers, asking to pray for them or asking for donations as I fundraise for this trip I’m on….I’m susceptible to rejection.

And the crazy thing is God wants me to ask until someone says yes, or says no. He wants me to experience both yes and no’s.

I realize God has purposed me to reach the outcasted and they often have a spirit of rejection on them. This results in passive aggressive behavior- not saying what’s on their mind but saying it in a subtle manner because they fear rejection.

God has challenged me to ask people who are afraid to help – to break off the fear of lack and feelings of helplessness.

Yesterday when a guy offered to make a donation I was really shocked, no one has offered this directly without fear. His heart was open. He didn’t hesitate. He didn’t fear that he would go without. He wrote “for your purpose”.

The couple I ministered to affirmed me so much I felt awkward.

It’s been too long since I got such direct affirmation.

I’m so used to rejection that a moment of praise had me feeling guilty.

Should I accept the compliments or shift the praise to God?

I had a dream this night that the Lord set me free from false humility. He showed me that I often undermined my light so my light wouldn’t highlight peoples’ insecurities because I often find that people are shocked and intimidated by my gift of seeing and prophesying.

Instead of seeing it as a gift, they find it creepy or unreal. They see me as a weirdo.

But I sensed that God is resurrecting our hearts this Easter.

We will no longer revert to expecting rejection. We will expect others’ open hearts, we will expect others to say yes and celebrate us. We will no longer hide in our dark cave but create communities that are safe for each other. We will step out into the light and find freedom and safety in God and in each others’ arms.

I want to thank those who have embraced my gift, who I am on this journey. Whether you’ve been reading my blog or have met me in person. I honor you. I honor who you are and who God has created you to be.

As I’m writing this, I’m crying at a cafe.

For so long, I felt misunderstood and persecuted for who God has made me but I’m seeing the tide turn around.

God is honoring you.

He is bringing you to prominence.

You will rise from the ashes and you will no longer weep.

You will no longer hide your shine to accommodate for peoples’ darkness and shade.

You’ll shine brighter and brighter because the world needs you.

Shame and guilt be broken off.

Value and worth is you.

You are worthy dear. My beloved son and daughter. You’ve gone through enough. Come hold my hand now. Come out of the cave.

By the sometimes we think people will only help us if we help them but that’s not the truth. There are people like me who have purely blessed someone with healing and prophetic words because the Lord asked me to, basically most of the people I’ve ministered to.

Sometimes we are scared to take risks because we fear rejection but I want to encourage you to step out in whatever areas God has called you to step out in!

I’m currently fundraising for the journey ahead. The Lord has decreed 3 countries next- Fiji, India, Sri Lanka and possibly Bangladesh.



God’s Ways Are Not Our Ways

“I will never leave nor forsake you. You don’t have to figure anything out”

I know I’m trying to make things work when I keep asking Holy Spirit; should I stay here or here? Should I go there now?

The last 7 days the Lord has led me like a whirlwind to 7 different places. His instructions were specific and direct. I met tons of people that I ministered to and prayed for.

I realize as a prophetic person I can get into a rut of trying to see or ask God what’s next but He’s like relax.

This happened tonight.

Crazy testimony.

I felt led to eat at a restaurant and was sitting there watching Korean drama.

I was probably there for almost 2 hours. All of a sudden I noticed everyone had left but a couple.

I saw the guy wearing a shirt and God was speaking loud to me through it so I asked to take a photo of it. I found out we were all from LA and I asked to pray for them. The prophesies were so accurate they were blown away. I told them my testimony and the guy asked me if I had Venmo and said he wanted to pay for my dinner.

I was just wondering how God would continue to provide but this time I didn’t even have to ask. He said I had a gift and he wanted to support my purpose.

As we were walking out we noticed we actually stayed at the same place.

Because of the prophetic prayers people who would never go into a church are blown away by how I would know something without them telling me.

Today’s event reminded me that God knows what He is doing and I must continue to spend without fear knowing that God will continue to provide as I follow Him in faith.

Yesterday with the help of 10 people sitting around the lobby of the hostel (whom I also prayed for) I was able to stay at the hostel I booked at. Later I checked and the hostel actually already charged me but that happened I believe so that I can pray for the people. #god works in strange ways!

Partner with me to touch lives!



Police Man

“Go to Macdonald’s” – said God.

“Another junk food place?”

“Trust me”

The Lord told me to ask someone to buy me a cone. There was two men. One an Indian guy and another from South Africa. He said, “we will come back so you wait”.

They went into Macdonald’s but forgot about me.

Meanwhile I saw a young boy and he kept looking at me. The Lord impressed on my heart to pray for him. I said, “can I pray for you?” He said “yes!” I said that God gave me a vision of him drawing.

He said “I draw!” and he showed me his notebook. He said he likes to draw angels.

His parents asked what we were doing but did not seem to want him talking to me.

I understand. I’m a stranger.

I’m scared but God still impresses upon my heart to go get my ice cream cone. Remember at this point I have $8 in my pocket. I had gotten off a bus and found a hostel that cost $35. I gave the owner $30 and promised another $5 the next day.

I go into Macdonald’s and I find the two men. I said “I think you forgot about me”. The South African puts the gold coin on the table and I say “thank you. God said to pray for you”.

He is a Christian. As I’m praying for him I hear the Lord say “I have not forgotten you. I know you’ve been through a lot of pain but the promises are coming”. I feel my heart breaking and I stare into his eyes.

His eyes are unresponsive, vague, unfeeling, emotionless, I hug him and tell him how much God loves him.

His Indian friend has his hands folded, he is praying with me even though he is not Christian. But he is watching the whole thing. I ask him if I can pray for him but he says “no I already prayed with you”.

Seconds later, God tells me to pray for another boy and I ask but he walks away, seeming turned off.

Then I hear a boy cry in the playground. Someone has fallen off the slide. The Lord says “pray for him” and I walk over “hi, I’m a missionary and I’d like to pray for him”.

So the mom says okay. At first I thought none of them were Christian because one mom looked bewildered. However after the whole fiasco she told me she was actually Christian and so was her friend, she was just really shocked to see someone being that bold.

She told me how in New Zealand, it’s very comfortable and Christians rarely take risks so she was shocked to see someone so bold. She said she wouldn’t have thought of doing that as the boy’s mom wasn’t Christian.

As I’m sharing my story of following the Holy Spirit with them a guy approaches me.

He says “excuse me but I need to speak with you”.

I thought it was one of the boy’s dad but he said he was a police man and the boy that seemed turned off by my asking to pray for him actually called the police to tell him that I had “offered to pay for sex”.

I don’t know what kind of childhood this boy had but this was nothing I’ve ever experienced.

I wanted to cry.

What kind of spiritual warfare was this, but right away the two Christian women told the police man that I was a good person and would never say that.

I saw this man write down what he said and what I said. I had said “pray for you” not “pay for sex”.

He got my info but that was it.

I felt falsely accused. But God had my back.

Later on I felt the Lord ask one of the woman to sow financially and she said “I was just thinking about how to help you!!”

I got to encourage them and they said they were really convicted by my life.

This was one of the more traumatic and intense days I’ve had. Nothing like this has ever happened. But God protected me.

When I got off the bus to Kerikeri I saw this skatepark that looked exactly like the one in my dream. I also remembered that the macdonalds playground was in one of my dreams.

Give to the work of the gospel-



Why I Am Saving Myself For Marriage

I heard the Lord say “write it now”. It’s 7:51am here in Auckland.

More than anything, I want a family. I love babies and have been seeing a lot of babies lately. Because of what I didn’t grow up with- a wholesome family with two parents, I desire what I didn’t have.

As I was thinking about this, I felt heartsick. Not only have I been waiting for my husband, I’ve been waiting for sexual intimacy.

I’m a 31 virgin.

Sure I am not a prude and know more about sexual foreplay than most people who have sex – being honest and blunt here because people have a misunderstanding about “virgins”. And I understand my women parts more than most. And yes this is super honest, I know how to climax without intercourse. I’ve had my share of experience and yes I’ve dated men.

I knew how to masturbate at a young age. It involved a floor and my pelvis. Our women parts are intricate but not complicated. However why at a young age I learned to do it? I was lonely and my parents were not home most of the time so it filled a void in my heart.

Our sexual desires always reflects our hearts’ longings for emotional intimacy.

Why did I choose to wait to have sex until marriage?

Of course they taught this at church, but more than anything I wanted to save my heart for my husband.

Because as years went by I saw how broken hearted my friends were after a one night stand.

I had guys tell me “why would I call her again, I already slept with her” as if it was a movie he watched already or a bucket list item.

If we are honest here, any type of physical contact marks our hearts and causes a bond.

I don’t save myself out of guilt or condemnation because there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

I have waited this long because I know I’m worthy of love, not just lust or physical attraction. I respect myself too much to give into a physical desire.

And women are actually moved by words, affirmation more than anything. An intimate and supportive emotional connection turns a women on more than touch. She is wired for emotional connection. She is wired by a sense of security, a man who cherishes and loves her and opens his own heart to her.

A woman desires a man to be vulnerable, open, communicative.

So as I put my story out here, I want to encourage all those who are waiting. Even if you’ve decided to be celibate until marriage, it’s worth the wait.

Any man who will in an instant sleep with you doesn’t respect you.

A man who truly loves you will wait, and not only for you, but for his own heart.

What I’ve found is that men will stop respecting you when they know they can get your in pants instantaneously but they will somehow have an emotional attachment to you when they know you’re not “easy”.

And if you didn’t wait, that’s okay.

All things are new in Christ Jesus. He does not condemn anyone. He loves you.

But you are worth more than a physical release – which to be honest, is often what sex is for some guys. They’ve shut their hearts down so much, they think one physical release can satisfy their shut down hearts. It’s like all this pent up emotions they can’t seem to express with words.

I know this is an intensely personal post but I pray it may bring some relief to your heart.

God loves you and wants the best for you.

You deserve the best.

I am by far perfect. One of my top love language is touch so you can imagine my struggle. But I know God’s best is out there for me and I’m meeting him soon.

I wanted to add that in order to live out God’s best for you you must receive Jesus into your heart. When you know Jesus died on the cross for you and you are no longer an orphan, the Holy Spirit dwells within you and causes you to transform from the inside out.

He will supernaturally heal your heart, take you away from bad habits and harmful desires. It’s all Him, not self discipline! His grace changes everything!

The more you understand grace, the more your life will improve!

Today if you haven’t received Jesus into your heart ask Jesus to enter your heart, trust that He has taken all your sins and mistakes on the cross and you are free now, a child of God, uncondemned!

Has this blog post encouraged you? Has my ministry empowered you? Consider sowing a seed and partnering with me to bring light to this world and the souls in it!



Cash app- $gugibabu

Thank you!


Give To Good Soil

Hi folks!

I am moving on tomorrow and just going where the spirit leads. I’m currently in Auckland, New Zealand.

Has this blog, this ministry or writing helped and encouraged you? Consider making a financial contribution and sow a seed to good ground! Every dollar counts and goes toward reaching people for Christ!



Thank you in advance for your generosity. I pray the Lord bless you!

Here’s a testimony from today-

At around 12 the Lord told me to go to Panmure. I went to the bus stop and when the bus arrived I was the first one on. The lord said to pray for him. Well I asked if he was from India and he said yes. I said I was a missionary and he said “please pray for my mom. She’s paralyzed, has a blood clot in her brain for 3 years, had arthritis for 40 years”.

He said Panmure was actually his last stop and he was getting off work.

I thought God definitely planned this.

He got off work and we walked off the bus. There I prayed healing over his mother. I asked him if he believed in Jesus and he said he believes in God and he believes in prayer. I said Jesus died on the cross for all sicknesses and all sins.

Does this picture of a cloud look like a face to you??? Because it looks like a face to me!!!

Video about going and moving with the Spirit!

I’ve started an online church called Online Freedom Church! -follow on FB!

Prayer requests- pray for everyone I pray for or minister to on the road!

Follow Your Heart & Live Big!

I wrote this on the bus today and ended up reading it to a girl I met at a cafe!

I don’t think we are meant to settle down.

Settle down sounds like settling.

I think we are meant to follow our hearts and never settle down. I think we are meant to overcome the fear of change and move with the spirit of change.

The spirit is always beckoning us to progress, to adventure, to go out of our comfort zone, to break new levels of ceilings and man made systems/structures.

We are made to never settle down.

The only reason we get tired is when we allow the spirit of lack tell us we aren’t enough and we can’t.

Because all things are possible for those who are in Christ Jesus.

We can be energetic at all ages. We can be revitalized if we believe the truth that we are enough in Christ Jesus and with God all things are possible.

Our lives are meant to be so much bigger than the norm. Most people are frustrated and trying to control their lives out of the fear of lack when they should actually be following their hearts and living big.


Then Jesus explained: “My nourishment comes from doing the will of God, who sent me, and from finishing his work.”

This morning the Lord said to me “go to Sylvia park”. So I went even though I kind of wanted to spend a day in bed. Right when I got to the bus stop I met a Taiwanese guy who was on working holiday. I was immediately encouraged to know that the Lord had sent me to meet him, he had ended up at this bus stop because he took the wrong bus!

Then I got to the mall and at a makeup stand doing my brows, I met an Iranian woman and a Chinese girl who was Christian by tradition.

Then I felt like I wanted Starbucks and walked past a chocolate cafe. God often leads me with food cravings!

I felt the spirit tell me to sit next to a girl and we ended up talking for an hour and it was so good to pray for her and share my testimony with her.

She was wanting to live a life free from societal expectations and pressures from her mother. We had such a common story. I told her how I felt pressured to please my mom but I learned that I deserve to be happy and explained that Jesus paid for us to follow our hearts and live the life we want.

I also saw a vision of her drawing a window and she became a bird flying out of the window.

On the way back, I forgot to swipe my at hop card but the security guard gave me a free pass. At the bus stop I got to bless a woman from Sri Lanka.

I felt so nourished! I felt fed. I’m so glad I obeyed and went. This is what life with the spirit looks like, it’s never without surprises and always feeds my heart. Whenever I can bless and encourage someone, I feel like I’m giving life to myself as well.

Follow the spirit.

God will always lead you and provide for you as you do His work!

Give- thank you!