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You Have A Clean Slate for 2017

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In 2016 I was healed of FOMO (fear of missing out). 

I had probably read too many travel blogs and was hoping my 2016 would be non-stop traveling and well, it wasn’t. In fact, I rested, wrote and painted a lot. I actually stayed in LA for a consecutive 3 months. Yes I did fly to Paris to film a travel show, Morocco to backpack, and then to the Philippines for another show…but when I came back from Cebu in June, the most out of state traveling I did was a cruise to Mexico.

Also the last few years, I happened to be traveling during the holidays. On my birthday 2 years ago, I traveled to Catalina Island and spent a few days alone.

Instead of the “hoo-haa I want to party and dance”, I did not feel that way this year. I was okay staying in and watching Netflix. I was comfortable with the peace of just being with God. Peace was something I attained more of in 2016 and I realized it was better than the crazy drunkenness that comes with partying.

Peace was better than dating guys that messed up my peacequilibrium.

Peace was better than forcing myself to attend family events where I would be attacked verbally.

Peace was better than spending time with people who were constantly striving because they don’t know their worth.

Peace was better than the struggle of speeding into other peoples’ lanes because of jealousy. You see, there are dreams that people have that are not YOURS. Know your vision, know your dreams, know what you want and don’t go hopping into other peoples’ lanes because you have a minute of jealousy.

Shut off your phone, laptop. Unplug for a minute. Sync with God. You are enough, here and now….not when you achieve something else, when you attain something more, or when you meet the right person…you are enough now.

Stay in your lane, focus on your life. Don’t go “but they’re doing this or that….”.

I learned that if it is God, it feels peaceful. I learned that if it was the right way to go, it is peace. Yes, new paths might be scary, but deep down there exists a tremble of excitement. A scary excitement. 2017 will bring new levels of promotion, love and joy.

I see your past wiped out, you have a clean slate for a new life. Forgive yourself. Let the past go. Let’s move forward together. Are you in? 

Don’t Let ”What Is” Prevent You From Going After ”What Will be”

dont-let-what-you-fear-losing-prevent-you-from-going-after-what-you-wantI woke up with this phrase in my spirit- “Don’t let what you fear losing prevent you from going after what you want”.

Life is full of change. In fact, life is progress and without it, we are not truly living. We go from being a baby to a kid to being a teenager to an adult. Our teeth grows, our hair grows, etc. But sometimes we need to let go of what is, what was to go after what will be or what we want to be. We need to pull a few wisdom teeth out, we need to cut our hair, get a trim, we need to chop those highlights because they start to fade.

I have been feeling a weirdness in my heart. It’s like my heart wants to progress but there is also a fear that I can’t handle the new season….that I’m not good enough, that I’m not truly ready for it. I am reminded that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

When we reach a new territory, it takes our hearts some time to adjust. WE struggle with letting go of “WHAT WAS” and eventually “what is” so that we can keep moving forward. 

You may be in a “good” relationship, but you are not growing with your boyfriend/girlfriend, in fact, you feel stagnant and most of the time you are pulling him/her up to your level of spirituality or intellect. People are proud of your relationship, but deep down you know there has to be something more but you are afraid of letting go of what is. 

You may have lost everything once, twice, three times and you have finally rebuilt yourself, but you are not doing what you love…you want to go ALL IN on your passions but you are afraid that you will lose everything again. Trust that your heart is worth investing everything for because authenticity and returning to WHO YOU REALLY ARE will bring joy back to your heart, even through pain.

You may have good friends but they are not supportive of your dreams because they don’t have the courage to do what it takes for their dreams. You fear losing them, you remember all the good times you had, but you know you have to choose yourself. New levels of friendship will arrive when you take that first step to go into your next level. 

Today’s post reads like a fortune cookie, but I believe these are prophecies and specific words God has released into my heart.

“Don’t let what you fear losing prevent you from going after what you want”.

What do you want and what are you afraid of losing? You are enough.

Your Breakthrough Is In Your Presence

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How do you deal with uncertainties? Life is full of unknowns.

God often surprises me by destroying plans I had, even for Christmas. I might have assumed something but then those plans are easily pulled away from me. This week I woke up with horrible vertigo and puking. Yes, it was awful. I thought I was going to die and I prayed really hard. The sickness came and went, tried to come back again, but finally left.

I was grateful. It humbled me as well. Sickness is humbling. It reminds you, you are fragile, weak. 

I felt that the puking was like a cleanse to the negativity in my life. I realized it also stemmed from my not eating when I would get hungry. Deep down, I had some insecurities about my recent inability to exercise and was afraid that I was gaining weight. But I think deep down I felt that I was not good enough. 

During my time in bed, I kept hearing “you are good enough, you are enough” over and over again. In my inability to do anything, I soaked in God’s unconditional love for me. I was reminded that I had been trying to figure my life out again, even by planning my days, I was trying to control my life. I wasn’t handing over the reigns. 

Soon enough God heard my prayers and my mom actually took me to this Chinese medicine woman who gave me a diagnosis and some herbs. Soon enough, I was also alone again. This time a little disappointed that I would probably spend the holidays alone. I didn’t really understand what was happening.

I know that 2017 is a year of alignment, but even in those days where I’m writing, painting, watching Elementary, I’m wondering what my life will even look like soon.

What no eye has seen,
    what no ear has heard,
and what no human mind has conceived”[
    the things God has prepared for those who love him- 1 Corinthians 2:9 

But today as my flesh and mind finally let go of plans and the need to KNOW, I went to the movies (which always calms me down), cried my eyes out watching Moana and Collateral Beauty (good for emotional cleansing, the movie seriously left the whole movie theater room sniffling), and then in following my desires for some food and boba, was led to divine appointments with strangers. One lady I met when I asked her about this hat I wanted to buy, I said “just to make sure, this is the English flag right?” and then I continued the conversation by asking if she was Irish and she said German. Well, since I was born in Germany, we had no lack of conversation.

Our need to know always ruins the moment doesn’t it? In the story of Adam and Eve, that is what ruined their life at first….the need to know without the relationship with God, which is based on trust. We are unable to live in the moment, to see all the beauty and love around us when we are in our head, figuring every detail of our lives out.

I remember when I was dating an ex, we went to an Italian restaurant in Santa Monica but his mind was absent. The bill was over $100 but I could have stayed at home, watched netflix and ate mcdonalds for $5. It wasn’t about our surroundings, how delicious the food was, or even how romantic the ambiance was. I thought the food was okay, but my ex said it was a waste of money and that the food was horrible. To be honest, if I was eating by myself, I would have enjoyed everything a lot more. His energy totally killed my vibe.

His mind was somewhere else and I was unable to connect with him. 

We can truly enjoy the moment when we choose to be grateful, to notice the miracle around us. Everyday is a gift. When we are present we are able to connect with the people who are around us. That is one of the reasons I love traveling because I am usually present. I see the world with wonder, everything is new to me and I am not thinking about anything else. I don’t plan either, I usually allow spirit to lead me to the right place at the right time. I follow my bliss, I follow the adventure. When I am tired, I sit down at a cafe and observe the beauty around me. By being present I meet the most wonderful people.

When I was in London, I ate at a market in Brixton and met this girl. She asked if she could share the table with me. Turns out she worked at the Globe Theatre and she invited me to watch a play with her. I was truly grateful because she gave me free tickets and I had made a new friend. I was reminded that God was watching over me in every step of my journey backpacking through Europe. I have thousands of stories like this, divine appointments I call them.

I Found My Identity In The Wilderness

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Finding our identity is probably one of live’s biggest struggle.

Ignoring other people’s opinions about who you are or who you should be and what you should do is another. It is never about what they think about you, but what you think about yourself. 

For a long time I didn’t really know who I was, I knew I had big dreams and I had visions of what my life would look like, but since every dream takes time…people simply saw my process. When people don’t see results, they start judging you big time. Even though you have only been on this earth for less than 30 years, for some reason they want you to be Richard Branson already. And perhaps it was my mistake to tell people, I basically was so full of passion that I told everyone. And then people started mocking me. 

And then I hid. 

Not in a cave, but something like one. I departed from people, cut ties with people who didn’t truly understand. I kept a few close friend and I am truly grateful for them because they have seen my journey. I believe that this season is essential. This season I call the wilderness season requires introspection and sometimes seasonal solitude. 

In the wilderness season God helped me weed out the lies…the lies of not being enough, lies that I wasn’t good enough, that I needed to prove myself….lies that I must hide myself to honor those around me (that didn’t know themselves).

It’s dishonoring to yourself to hide your light, it’s dishonoring to the creator who created you.  You are way too brilliant to be hid, you are way too beautiful to not be admired. 

But at the end of the day, you must see yourself right first. You must see your own beauty, your own brilliance, your own talent, your own genius. You must be so confident that even if others belittle you, you can defend yourself in confidence, or in confidence walk away. And oh, forgive them and not live with a false success revenge mentality (which is when you are offended and try to succeed to prove people wrong rather than doing it out of pure joy and love).

I often hear “do not engage, this is a low mentality warfare” sometimes when I hear negative remarks. I know it is their ego speaking, so I must be wise not to get distracted in low level spiritual warfare. There are so many tactics the enemy uses.

Gossip is one of the ways I’ve learned self-control. Today someone mentioned someone who was told something about someone. They were demeaning them, judging their decisions in life. I listened and then I said “we don’t know them, we don’t even talk to them, why are we judging them? And also we’ve made mistakes in our lives too, everyone has their battles”. I know that I have been there too, mistakes, failures, I am not one to judge. 

In a way, the wilderness season humbles you. It prepares you to be the great person you are, to confront giants that belittle you, tell you you’re not enough. The wilderness season prepares you to enter battles in your work, with companies, with consultants, with kings, queens, presidents. 

Interesting. What did they say about me? Well, I hope one day they know how brilliant they are too. Because I know I am fearfully and wonderfully made, loved and accepted for who I am now.

Finding God In Bed

I like to use a provocative title to draw people in. But it is quite literal.

I woke up sobbing, feeling the depths of my heart, the hard pieces falling apart, away. For good perhaps. This time I had a dream where I was yelling, telling my story and a person in my life telling me to be quiet, to be ashamed. In the vicinity is an array of people that have told me to diminish myself because even if they didn’t know it, deep down they are afraid to be themselves and seeing someone free means they are still captive. 

I was crying in the dream, and when I got home my mom said I could no longer sleep there (meaning of rest) and that I must leave.

Sleeping in dreams usually means living in grace. The 5 years of wilderness for me was healing from the many wounds that I had somehow acquired in my life. 

Growing up in a single mother home, I didn’t quite learn what boundaries meant. This meant I listened to people, I got a load of garbage because I thought that meant I was loving them. Of course it was all in detriment to my own well being.

I found God in bed.

In sleep, in rest, in bed rest. I started having long, intense, novel like dreams. I had them every single night and I could remember them. 

And I stopped going to church. I found safe ways to listen to messages through youtube. I cut ties with people who were unsafe.

In this dream, I was wearing a coat to hide my bare chest. In dreams, bare chest usually means being unashamed, being completely wholly yourself. But I had to still hide my identity around the people who didn’t know how to be themselves.

Basically I wasn’t accepted as a human being. I was too edgy, too controversial, too much, too larger than life. I entered a season of solitude. During this time, I confronted my wounds and my heart. In a healing session I remember saying “to be honest, I was friends with people I didn’t even like” in reply to her question “it seems like you have a pattern of unfriending people and cutting them out of your life?”

I shocked myself there.

True, I was hiding myself, but to hang out with people I didn’t even like, that was extreme. But my final action told the truth. I actually found some people deeply annoying, obnoxious but I tried to be accommodating because I didn’t know how to say no or to explain why I felt how I felt.

Recently, I have started hanging out with people again. It is a slow process but I am now more mindful about what is mine and what isn’t. For example, when people have insecurities about being totally 100 percent themselves, they might project that unto you and try to control your freedom to be yourself. 

They might say something like “why are you doing that in public? It is embarrassing (to me)?” or dismiss your opinion without trying to understand it “that doesn’t make any sense, shut up”….those are examples of things people might say because they are unable to accept you for who you are and are fearful of what others think of them.

The religious spirit doesn’t just exist inside an institutional religion, but anywhere. The religious spirit is a spirit of control, it tries to bully you. The spirit of freedom is I believe who God truly is.

Here are some examples:

The religious spirit tells you that there is only right or wrong, black and white.

The spirit of freedom is relational, it is like a friend, it listens to your opinions and heart. It is collaborative and allows room for mistakes and decisions.

The religious spirit is controlling, it seeks to dominate people, it will only accept people if people follows their rules or idea of who they should be.

The spirit of freedom is unconditional and allows people to be themselves. It liberates rather than controls.

I hope this post gave you some insight. Peace and freedom. XOXO

Where the spirit is, there is liberty.

Gifts, Books and Prophecies

Hello Friends!

Thank you again for continuing to read my blog. I truly appreciate your love and support.

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If you have Instagram, follow me for prophetic words and encouragements for achieving and living your dreams. 

God has been stirring up a people who will actually live for love.
As long as you allow others to define you, live for other peoples expectations…you will not be able to surrender to love. Love will captivate your heart and impart power.
When you know your identity and live out of it, not taking any bs, living from focused purpose, you will need nothing else because everything is within.

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Looking for gifts or just good reads?

2 New books are on my shelf!

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The I Factor by Van Moody is a book about building a great relationship with yourself. He talks about leaders and celebrities who got to high success but experienced downfalls due to their beliefs about who they are (aka identity). Van also talks about The Wilderness season of your life where God leads you to confront the personal issues that may become a stumbling block to success and happiness. I literally cried when I read the pages about the Wilderness because I have experienced the wilderness season for 5 plus years and have gone through intense healing with God. REALLY GOOD READ!

The second book is RED- Blooded American Male. When I opened the package I literally laughed out loud because hello who doesn’t love Arrested Development’s Will Arnett in fish nets? The book is filled with laugh out loud, beautiful and charming photographs by Robert Trachtenberg. The photographs serve to challenge conventional notions of masculinity and traditional male imagery. This is the perfect coffee table book.

The books were given to me for an honest review.

Purchase my art prints for Christmas gifts!

Questions To Ponder

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I have been drawing a lot. Here’s a house I drew. It has 8 rooms. I feel the inspiration coming back. Inspiration comes when we are restful and not worried. Which leads me to a few questions.

  1. What is so fun that you would do it for free?
  2. What was something you used to do as a kid that you no longer do but want to start doing again?
  3. What “shoulds” did you adhere to even though if you really think about it doesn’t make much sense?
  4. If you had all the resources and money in the world, what would you do?

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PS- The book was given to me for an honest review.

XOXO BEX,

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