Moving Forward

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La Jolla

“You’re going to forget me in like 2 weeks”

I’m like no. I kind of ended things with someone I was seeing and we agreed that there are several factors that weren’t aligned.

One was the fact that I was waiting until marriage to have sex and he wasn’t in a position to get married anytime soon.

Strangely someone from more than a year ago gave me a call on snapchat. I don’t usually have the app open. I picked up. I had blocked him on all social media because I needed to move on. I could not move on if I kept talking to him. It’s like codependency right?

I grew up with this concept that I needed to stop talking to exes completely.

And it is true, your heart needs to start over. 

As much as we want to keep friends with people we were romantic with, sometimes we just need to start over and “WEAN” off people.

Like I’m weaning off people in my life, to start over and meet new people. 

Don’t look back. Move forward.
It hurts, it hurts but when you talk things out in closure, you realize that it is true, things aren’t aligned and you need to meet someone who has the same values. 

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Prophetic Word- Go After What You Want

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I was driving in around the city and I can feel something rising up in me. Tears needed to come out. I just called my friend who needed space but God told me “call her”.

I was like “God but she said she needs space”.

Breakthrough.

I heard. 

I could feel my body trembling, I needed to let it out.

Finally I talked to her, surprisingly she picked up. I told her how I felt.

Then I heard go see her, but she said she still needed space. I called my other friend and also heard “go see her” so I obeyed and went. She said “I never had anyone visit me at this hour”. She was really happy and she wanted to go cruise but her mom told her no, she doesn’t trust new people. I said “okay I will meet her”. She said “no, I am going to sleep”.

Fear, lots of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of failure, fear of danger. Fear. Then suddenly 2 skunks appeared in front of her house. I was like wow. 

We talked for a bit and I could feel that I needed to cry. But it wasn’t coming out so I went around town wherever God was telling me, by now it was 2am. I was going to different gas stations asking about bathrooms. No, lots of no’s. 

“Fear of failure” I heard.

Then I realize God had been telling me to go see my dad but I had the excuse of “well I don’t want to be quarantined for 2 weeks”. 

God then brought a Taiwanese dad lyft driver to me to show me that there were ways around the 2 weeks.

I said “God I’m just going to be disappointed, what is the point of trying. My dad didn’t even take me to the airport last time because he had a migraine, then he stopped talking to me after I left”.

I tried to reach out to him for 1 year and he only wrote “wear a mask”.

That is the extent of our relationship. I was even happy to see one sentence like that, a reply, something.

Don’t BE AFRAID OF FAILURE I HEAR GOD SAY. 

EVEN if THE DESIRES OF YOUR HEART LEADS TO DISAPPOINTMENT, FAILURE AND REJECTION! 

Even if you know he isn’t the one, but God will say “go see this person”. You may be heart broken but God is working your heart.

I finally arrived home. I still hadn’t cried. But I needed to. I cried in the car but when I went in and told my mom at 3 am that I wanted to go to Taiwan she looked helpless and angry.

I said “God told me to go see dad”. Remember they have been divorced for over 20 years. “Why, you need to go see a doctor”.

She thinks I’m crazy. She doesn’t believe I hear God’s voice. So I said “I WANT TO SEE DAD!” Hurt filled her face. She couldn’t believe it. “You only come find me when you need me, then why did you even come back to America? Why don’t you just stay with your dad?!”

She was angry and I started sobbing, weeping.

I got in the shower. I started thinking “all my life people have told me I’m not allowed to have what I want”. They’ve thought I’m too much,  too energetic, too this. I’m not allowed to. I’m not allowed to travel, I shouldn’t travel, I can’t do this, I can’t do that. I shouldn’t do this or shouldn’t do that.

BUT GOD HAS ALWAYS BROKE THROUGH BY LEADING ME IN FREEDOM! 

He said GO OUT! While everyone is telling me to stay in. While everyone is telling me to be afraid, He said “be fearless”.

I HAVE FREEDOM! I don’t need to be afraid of what my mom thinks or how my dad acts. It doesn’t matter. I want to see my dad.

Even if he is shut off, MY HEART IS NOT! MY HEART IS OPEN. AND I WILL go because I am not going to submit to FEAR.

I told my mom how I felt and IT UPSET HER.

What do you need to do or say to set yourself free, express yourself, tell the truth, do what YOU WANT???

Consider sowing a seed into this ministry and this prophetic word, there is power in sowing and I believe God will multiply every seed you sow! God bless you!

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Prophetic Word- Promises Fulfilled

Look not to your right or left, or to the past, for your promises are yes and amen and you only need to go forward.

No more regrets, forgive yourself. 

It’s in the past.

Now look forward, do you see the rainbows? I was driving to San Diego but felt led to exit San Juan Capistrano and then go towards Lake Elsinore. I was disappointed because what I wanted to do was shut down and I asked 3 Christians I met in the bathroom if I can use their friend’s jet ski and they said no. I took a detour and it was an hour longer.

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But then I saw this and God said “your promises are being fulfilled” and He said to buy flowers from there.

God is breaking off codependency and feelings of lack….things like “I don’t have a mom or dad, I didn’t have a good mom or dad” and God is showing His kids that they are not lacking.

I hear God saying “keep going” don’t stay in the place of grief. I am bringing JOY into your soul. Don’t stay in a place of dryness and hatred, forgive and move forward. 

As you release false responsibility, you will get married, says the Lord. 

Consider sowing a seed into this ministry and this prophetic word, there is power in sowing and I believe God will multiply every seed you sow! God bless you!

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Love Vs. Lust

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It’s 5:35am and I woke up feeling anew.

I was texting friends and telling them how I felt about love versus lust. The last couple of months I’ve talked to people about waiting until marriage to have sex. I wish more people talked about sexuality and sex. I wish more people realized how damaging sex really can be outside of love.

Even as a virgin, I experienced sexual and physical experiences.

As a spiritual being, I started to become even more aware when I would hear “unclean spirits”. Even if I wanted to ignore it my spiritual senses became heightened. I felt unclean, not because of what I was doing but because of the spirits that were attached the person I was with.

So I could say “God I just want to enjoy myself” but now I realize there is something impure in lust. You are righteous in Christ Jesus, but there is something damaging to the soul when you are being used for physical pleasure versus connecting out of love. 

The more spiritual you become, growing in sensitivity to God, the more you sense what spirit people are operating out of.

A spirit of lust basically takes over you.

If you notice kissing someone, and all of a sudden your vagina/penis kicks in and at a certain moment, you no longer feel like you have control over your mind or emotions. Endorphins are being released but something spiritual is also happening.

Love and lust are very different things.

Love causes you to reach out, love causes you to express how you feel, love endures, it doesn’t give up.

Lust gives up, lust is momentary. 

Love makes you feel safe.

Lust is corrupt, it doesn’t make you feel safe. It feels good in the moment but later you feel used, it’s unclean. I have felt it before.

Love doesn’t leave you stranded, love communicates.

Lust ghosts. 

Love wants to understand and listen to you.

Lust simply wants to get in your pants. Lust has no desire to communicate clearly, it overtakes you and has no desire to understand your emotions. It’s a USER! Lust only has one agenda- sex. Lust uses for momentary pleasure and has no commitment. 

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Love makes you feel like a queen, but lust makes you feel like a whore.

God is mending and healing your sexual wounds. He says that you are MORE THAN YOUR BODY. You are a temple. When you’ve been filled with the Holy Spirit, you start to become even more sensitive to His heart for you.

God is doing something new for you. 

He is renewing your heart. He is redeeming you from the past.

God, I just cut off the past, negative cycles I cut it off in Jesus name!

I break and loose any soul ties that are not from you in Jesus name and call back any remnants of our soul in Jesus name.

Is that person going to stay with you and make you feel like a queen? Is he willing to sacrifice himself for you? 

Is he calling you and asking you about your day? Is he concerned about your welfare? Is he asking you about how you feel? Is he concerned for your safety and checks in on you? Does he tell you that he loves you? 

Or is he simply using you for a momentary release?

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Live Your Dreams Now

I wish someone told me when I was young….

  1. I am not responsible for other peoples’ feelings. I don’t have to take care of my mother. It’s not my fault that my mom is mad or upset.
  2. Have more fun. Don’t live out of guilt or obligation.
  3. Tell people how you feel. Let people know when you are suffering or struggling.
  4. You don’t have to carry other peoples’ burdens.
  5. You are enough.

And then….

6. You are beautiful just the way you are.

7. You are STILL beautiful now.

8. You are enough NOW.

9. I will restore to you what the locusts have eaten.

10. It is not too late. God restore to me the energy I would have had in the past.

Today I spent some time with someone who was super young and I started to feel regret….God I wish, I wish….but then I remembered that I am enough now.

God I feel like you took forever to fulfill my promises. 

That’s why I felt rushed recently. I felt this pressure on my neck, hurry up hurry up God. When is THIS going to happen? When am I going to meet my husband? When am I going to lose weight? When is this double chin going away (even though it’s not even noticeable to other people)? When…..which is really having a fear of death, or missing the boat.

I am afraid of missing the boat. 

Because I feel like God purposely DELAYED everyone of my promises.

So a part of me feels like it’s God’s fault. 

You screwed me over, that’s how I feel God.

I have so many dreams God, but sometimes it seems like it just keeps getting delayed.

But I have to remember I am living my dreams now. 

  1. I get to help people by ministering to them, prophesying to them.
  2. I get to travel
  3. I am free to roam, I don’t have a schedule usually, I don’t have to sleep at a specific time or wake up at a specific time
  4. I am free from societal concerns, I trust God with my life, finances, resources.
  5. I don’t have a fear of what people think (even though it may still come at times).
  6. I have freedom to take the bus, rent a car, take uber or lyft, I am not tied down to car payments
  7. I just danced in a parking lot, dancing to Latin music with a new divine appointment
  8. I got to graffiti in Venice Beach
  9. I was biking in Venice Beach and met some divine appointments, some nights I scooter on the pier
  10. I get to see friends during the day when most people work during the day
  11. I am building a live church organism where people build relationships with each other and are able to work issues out together
  12. Most of the divine appointments I have I meet while I am doing things I already enjoy like going to the beach, dancing, going to restaurants, etc.

I am reminded that having a husband won’t solve anything.

My God is my all in all.

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Prophetic -Wedding Dream

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The last couple of days I’ve had several prophetic confirmation of marriage.

Last night I had a dream about two friends that are married. I had a dream I had to get to a wedding, an appointment and it was almost 8pm, but I wasn’t sure what time my appointment was. I also had another dream about my friend who is engaged. I asked what time my appointment was. I then took down a book I never read and it was a book I gave my brother Isaak about marriage engagement. I opened it.

Yesterday the Lord impressed on my heart to rent a mustang convertible (as you know recently I was verbally attacked by a company and was rewarded some rentals, but I asked to get the mustang for an additional fee). I had my hair dyed too.

The top was not completely down (and the car started warning me by blinking lights) so I exited the freeway near Beverly Hills. 

I saw a Jewish owned cafe and saw a man inside. I was about to leave but I heard God say “eat here”. I said okay God. I parked and went inside and heard “he’s a lost sheep”. I asked if he was Christian and he said he grew up mormon. I was feeling really numb because I felt really disappointed by the dating process. I’d meet a guy and I’d know he is not the one. I told him how I felt and started crying.

He said “that’s so weird because I got married in a mustang convertible and my wife had blue hair like yours”.

I was in shock.

Before that I heard the Lord say “go to San Diego”. I called a friend trying to see if we could meet but he was a bit wishy washy and suddenly I really needed to use the restroom. I exited and found an outlet. It was 7:30pm. One store was closing at 8pm. I talked to the girl and it turned out she was Christian. She said she had been married for 5 years. She encouraged me and said that I was going to meet my husband. I tried on a few dresses and the Lord say to get them. The brand was called “final touch”, which reminded me of the dream the night before where I was preparing to go to my friend’s joy’s wedding.

I got in the car and felt led to call my friend Anna. I was on a date the night before when I saw her walk by with her husband. She looked at me but didn’t recognize me because I had dyed hair, it was blonde and the base for my hair dye. I wasn’t sure if it was her. However when I asked the waitress what her name was she said “Anna”. Anna is my birth name, it’s actually my middle name on my birth certificate. My aunt decided that didn’t suit me and asked my parents to name me Rebekka.

I messaged her that night and it was HER.

When we talked she told me she had been married for almost 5 years, the same number of years the clothing store staff was married. 

That night the Lord told me to go to the Abbey and I saw a girl sitting by herself. I went to join her and she was also Christian, of course. I proceeded to talk to the bartender and he was Christian, then I talked to two girls and they were Italian and Christian too.

I said the bartender was cute, and she said “yah I know and he is Christian too, he’s my ex from 2003”.

As a prophet I see signs in everything. I felt the Lord saying “it’s all coming back”. It is coming, your promises, don’t be disappointed or discouraged. It’s coming SO MUCH faster than you think.

Yesterday in my dream I was way closer to my appointment than the dream from the night before, but I felt this frenzy of “what’s the exact time of my appointment”. But my friend who is getting engaged held my hand and said “it’s going to be okay”.

It’s COMING – I PRAY THE LORD PUT SO MUCH JOY IN YOUR HEART AS YOU GO THROUGH THE PROCESS. I PRAY to cast out any discouragement in Jesus name!!!

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The man who married in a convertible and his ex-wife had blue hair.IMG_2306

Dance instructors and singers at the AbbeyIMG_2285

Woman I drove 60 miles to meet, married for 5 years from UkraineIMG_2310

God’s “final touch”. Are you ready??? IMG_2293

The girl who was sitting by herself

Proverbs 13:12

12 Hope deferred makes the heart sick,
    but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

Prophetic Word-

I feel like the Lord wants to encourage you. It’s time to come out of hiding and come back to vulnerability. There are people who are ready to talk to you when you’re ready. They are on the health route, it may not be easy and you may need to be vulnerable but don’t be scared. As someone who had been wounded by Christians, the Lord sent me to lost sheep to aid and help them. But God is bringing me back to people who are not “lost”. They need a prophetic word too, they need help too but they are able to offer Godly advice. As I’m getting closer to marriage, God keeps bringing married people into my life. I’m ready God, are you?

 

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Experiencing Love

I was afraid to feel my emotions.

But I knew that I needed to let love in.

After I broke up with my ex in 2014, it traumatized me so much the thought of getting close to someone and then breaking up scared me.

It’s just going to end, I’d think….so why bother?

But what God is teaching me is it’s okay to feel, the pain, the joys, the happiness of the moment, instead of constantly thinking about the future. It’s for now, for today, not for tomorrow. Why delay the love you can experience now because you’re concerned about tomorrow. 

So tell people how you feel.

Admit that you like or love them.

It’s not about owning a person but expressing and experiencing love. 

You are worthy of love, of feeling your emotions.

I don’t need to keep you, I just want to love you. You deserve love. I don’t own you neither do I own you. 

You deserve to be loved. This I know.

Are you ready to let love in? Even though it may hurt, even though you may cry. 

I didn’t understand why I liked someone who is not going to be my husband but I realize it’s okay to like or love someone. Even when you get married, you have to love without fear of loss. You love because it’s human to.

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Friendship

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Recently the Lord will tell me to go see people and I will Him say “go see ______” but then that person will say “no maybe another time”. But God knows what His children are going through so when I do talk to them it turns out they’re going through a hard time. I pastor lost sheep too. So my heart can feel what someone is going through, and God will show me. 

I told someone “you don’t have to be alone, you don’t have to struggle alone”.

He said “I’ve got to just go through it alone”.

I started to.cry because that’s how I was. I didn’t know how to ask for help or to be comforted. I would show my best face. The truth is I’ve been going through a lot emotionally. I’m starting to feel my heart in ways I’ve never felt before. I cried 3 times yesterday.

I’ve become more tender. I can feel my heart in a deeper way. I had a dream I was praying over people in tongues. I met one girl who said she also spoke in tongues.

Yesterday the Lord led me to two people on the beach and gave me a word about them. I hugged them and felt my heart hurt. They seemed very lonely. 

Then the Lord told me to go to a bar and I spotted a man and asked if he was Christian. He said yes. I shared my story with him and amazingly he was supportive and understanding of my journey. Sometimes I get questioned and persecuted about the whole follow the Holy Spirit. My heart felt full from being understood and encouraged.

“Oh it’s family”.

I can collectively feel the pain of other lost sheep because I was also hurt and wounded, not just by the church, but by people in general. I was scared of people. I wanted to hide and I did for 2 years in the wilderness.

There is something about finding others like me that makes my heart full.

“Why won’t you let me in?”

It’s a dark place, it’s hard to tell you how I feel, but I want to be heard. 

I don’t want to do this alone. 

Reach out for help. You’re not alone.

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My Love

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I woke up at exactly 4:44.

This was what God revealed to me. The previous night I had a dream that there was someone I liked and he liked me and we were sitting in the backseat. The guy I didn’t like as much was outside the car. The guy inside the car wanted to kiss me but didn’t and I thought maybe it was my hair, maybe it was stinky.

Let me ask you, “what prevents you from love?”

What stops you from going after love? From the one you actually want to be with? 

Do you go after the one that seems easy, safe, comfortable?

Or do you go after your true heart’s desire? Do you go after the one that is already chasing you? The one who is sort of attractive but not what you want?

After God started bringing a bunch of divine appointments, some that were actually romantic God revealed to me a few things…

I realized that I would hang out with someone who was not attractive to me out of thinking that I had to minister to them. It was safe essentially.

I had several occurrences having to do with a friend-

  1. A guy that texted or called me who I thought was romantically interested in me actually hit on my friend in front of me, lied to me and then admitted he was hitting on my friend.
  2. A guy that I previously turned down asked for my friend’s number because he was interested in her

I realize that I didn’t appreciate their actions because I felt like I was essentially sharing my best friend with them and there was a lot of unnecessary drama. It was not good for my heart. I felt like I was not receiving what I deserved. I had greedy guy friends that took the easy route.

So I had met this guy that I was actually attracted to at the beach after another guy tried to hit on me. I was not attracted to him physically even though he was Christian.

So here’s the deal- I realize that my heart was afraid to go after what I actually wanted. I had a breakthrough yesterday. 

I deserve to have all the attention of one man. I didn’t need to share that attention. I didn’t need to feel guilty for not sharing. I could receive the love I deserved. 

I didn’t need to settle for less, I didn’t need to feel guilty for not liking someone for their looks. I didn’t need to give any men attention out of pity because that’s essentially how I felt. Maybe I felt bad that they were so lonely that I spent time with them.

I didn’t need to.

I needed to go after what I actually wanted, whoever it was.

I was afraid of heartbreak.

I thought that if he wasn’t the one there was no point in spending anymore time with them, yet I was okay spending time with the ones that were safe….

The ones I would never have romantic emotions towards. 

The ones that were like father figures. 

The ones that were not physically attractive to me.

Those were safe, because they were never going to break my heart. 

My heart would never want to be in love with them. I would never fall in love with them. I would never invest emotions into them.

It was safe, but it required no risk. I may never see them again, these were people I ministered to, not loved romantically. They were family but would never be a lover.

Here’s the breakthrough I had.

I finally just gunned for what I wanted, and liked. There was no reason or rhyme, no logic.

I threw off the guilt of neglecting the one that I wasn’t interested in. He waited for me, called me, I felt bad for leaving him. There is good old guilt. But why did I need to feel guilty for going after what I want?

Here’s the dilemma in life…….

guilt versus desire

I’m not going to feel bad for going after what I want anymore. 

I’m not going to feel bad for being happy.

I deserve to have someone all to myself.

I am no longer sharing.

I deserve love that is exclusive. 

I deserve to have what’s mine.

Are you ready for a love worth risking for?

Why invest time into someone you don’t even want to be with? There’s playing safe and there’s plunging deep.

Here’s how love works-

One party needs to admit they love you, or like you and you like or love them back. Often times there is one party that does not want to invest all of them into another party. They are not ready for commitment nor want to be vulnerable enough for that kind of relationship.

And that’s okay.

But even at an emotional level….when’s the last time you simply admitted you liked someone and had that reciprocated on a plain simple term.

It is not complicated, but we are so afraid to be heart broken that we play games.

When you accept the fact that you are worthy to receive all the love from one person, you will start to realize that you were settling for less the whole time because you really did not believe you deserved it….because it’s safer to have less than the whole package.

If it fails, you won’t feel like it’s your fault

It’s not your fault, this is all a process.

Are you ready to gun it?

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Overcoming Rejection and No Longer Walking On Eggshells

97778308_10163614691715603_5882939738964361216_nDoes it feel like you are walking on eggshells when you’re around your parents? 

I woke up hearing “you are enough, you are beautiful, you are healthy”.

God told me “people will turn to comfort when they’ve been rejected by their parents”. A spirit of rejection causes people to turn to even the faintest idea of comfort, even if they know it is unhealthy. 

Even if you know that a person is unhealthy for you, even if you know that drugs, addictions, porn, etc is unhealthy you’ll still go to it because you feel rejected by your parents or there is a feeling of “walking on eggshells”. 

I don’t feel safe is what you feel and say to yourself. 

God has been putting me through a process of healing. I realize that I have a hard time just going to bed if I feel like I am not being vulnerable with my mother when she is at home. Once I’m in bed I knock out though.

There is no fear in love. 

Are you afraid to be yourself around your parents?

That seeps into your other friendships and relationships.

If you were a caretaker to your parents, you find familiarity in trying to help people in your friendships and relationships.

I found comfort in being the caretaker because I also took care of my mom’s emotions growing up. When someone actually wants to take care of me or be emotionally supportive I felt that they probably wanted to control me or tell me what to do (since my mom was controlling). 

When I had a car I was driving everyone around, when I got rid of my car very people actually helped me.

God really used ministry to help me turn the table around. He said “you are worthy to be helped and supported”, but it came with a lot of persecution. Now people were mad that I was the one that needed help. They couldn’t get with the idea that I was not all sufficient as a human being, that I actually needed their help this time. 

But for some reason when I was always helping them, giving them emotional support, spiritual guidance and not asking for anything in return- they were okay with that model. But once I started asking for donations they fled. 

Because people don’t want to reciprocate. They don’t want to show up. Not everyone of course, but that’s what I saw. If it meant they had to participate they bailed. Because it dealt with their sense of inadequacy and the stronghold of lack.

Most people I minister to are running away from their parents, because they feel rejected by them. When a parent rejects their kid and doesn’t want to talk to them, the kid feels a sense of being unloved. 

When a kid feels unloved he or she will go to drugs, food, shopping, other people etc to feel accepted.

And the truth is sometimes parents aren’t the best people to give us the love we need or crave. But if you feel unsafe, you will go find solace in things that feel safe in the moment but maybe have no longevity.

I experienced financial, physical and emotional lack growing up. My mom was often at work and I was left home alone at a young age. I also started working when I was 8, and lacked emotional support. My mom never asked me how I was doing emotionally.

It makes sense that God called me to pastor lost sheep.

But in doing so I also come in contact with people who have the same issues- feeling rejected, easily triggered, feelings of being attacked emotionally, etc.

When I was younger I was a people pleaser because it was easier to please people and be accepted than to tell the truth and be rejected for my truth. But then God started to tell me to tell people the truth or to do things contrary to peoples’ expectations. The rejection hurt but now I realize that people didn’t really love me for who I am in the past, they loved me for who they wanted me to be.

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Skatepark in Venice Beach – a place where many young people escape to for safety. I met a 22 year old mom that was getting yelled at by her husband. I told her that I saw her as an actress as I was a prophet. She was happy to hear that. Sometimes when we’ve been abused by our parents we find partners that are also abusive. The road to healing and wholeness is to identify what we lacked growing up and identify what we actually need from a partner.

Would you consider contributing to this ministry? Your contribution makes a difference in the lives of people who are rejected by their parents and are seeking solace. Help me bring Jesus to people. Thank you!

Sow a seed to this ministry-

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Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

 

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Some people I met at the drum circle in Venice Beach