It’s Not Your Fault & There Is Nothing You Can Do

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I felt like it was my fault that my family fell apart. I felt like I could have tried harder to make my mother happy or to preach grace more to my dad, there could have been more I could have done.

But the truth is no, there is nothing I could have done.

My parents’ divorce had nothing to do with me but I started becoming a people pleaser, trying to fix everyones’ problems.

God spent many years helping me overcome this guilt. 

Even today God told me to go out to eat and I walked into another chicken place. There were two boys fighting. The dad yelled at the older brother and the mother said “it’s not his fault, it’s not his fault”. His dad was angry.

The younger brother sat there and cried but was “guilt tripped” into leaving as the whole family was leaving the restaurant and he was still there crying.

I started to feel languid, tired. Then another boy came in and he was 3 years old. He said to the waiter “I’m a grown man” and proceeded to get water on his own. That was me as a kid. The waiter tried to help him but he loudly insisted “I can do it on my own”.

I walked down the street to wait for the bus but twenty minutes, the bus was late….

I got tired but had nowhere to sit as the bench was wet from the rain.

I talked to the bus driver, his name was John. I took another bus home and immediately fell asleep. Before that I was calling my mom, not sure if I wanted to watch a movie with her as I had said I would let her know if I wanted to watch Frozen with her.

I went back and forth in my decision. I realize I felt guilty for “letting her down”. She picked up the phone, sounding like she was waiting for me. I felt even more guilty. She said “if you don’t want to watch the movie, it’s okay” but she sounded annoyed.

Here’s why I felt guilty….a few days ago, I said I went to watch a movie alone and my mother got angry, she said I promised to watch a movie with her. I said, “I didn’t promise, we didn’t make plans, I just said okay, and we didn’t agree on time or date”.

“So there was a movie I wanted to watch one day but I did not want to watch it with you mom. Sorry to say, but I wanted to watch the movie alone. God used that movie to speak to and heal my heart”. But there were even more movies I watch alone, because I realize I like watching movies alone.

Later again she mentioned, “you’re just like your aunt, you’re so selfish, sneaking off to watch a movie by yourself”. 

I know it sounds strange to some….why would I enjoy watching movies alone?

Because NO ONE can distract me or talk to me when I’m focusing on the movie. I hate it when people talk during a movie. 

So back to today………..I was standing outside in the cold wet rain,

I suddenly felt this pressure on my neck and heard God say “false responsibility”.

When I got home I said I wanted to take a nap, I said I did not want to watch Frozen.

She got angry and stormed out.

I suddenly burst out crying.

First I remembered the little boy in the restaurant and realized that I really wanted a kid, and it reminded me of the boy I had a dream about. God had long spoken to me about my future son (and daughter) and I have seen this boy in a dream. It has been an aching in my heart to meet my kids who already exist in the spirit. 

Then I realize the scene with the two boys fighting triggered something I had been feeling in my heart. I suddenly saw a vision of myself saying “it’s all my fault”. 

It’s my fault that my parents are unhappy and it’s my fault my brother ran away.

I could have done more.

But those are lies. I could not have done more. It is not my fault that my family is what it is today. 

I’ve met women who tell me “I feel like I can do more to save this marriage right?” and I tell them “no, you’ve done enough”.

It’s that nagging guilt that you haven’t done enough. 

But the truth is – you ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE for other peoples’ feelings or pain! 

If your parents used to get mad at you, you’re not responsible for their emotions, or for fixing them.

I felt my heart release as I cried. I realize “no it’s not my fault and there is nothing I can do to make people happy, it is God’s job to do that. It is not my job to fix someone, it is not my job to even explain grace to them, to cause them to believe that God can heal their hearts. I’ve done enough”.

I’ve done enough.

I am enough.

I will not be guilt tripped into doing things.

Sometimes we hold these deep seated lies and we don’t understand why we act the way we do, I pray God will open your heart up.

You may be saying to yourself….

  1. It’s my fault I am where I am today.
  2. It’s my fault that my parents/friends/spouse/coworkers are unhappy

but the truth is God’s grace says 

  1. It is God’s job to get you to where you need to be.
  2. It is not your fault that anyone is unhappy. You are not responsible for anyone’s emotions.


A Time To Sow

I heard God say ask people to sow in 5 (grace)If you’re able to sow $5, $50, $500 and so forth or any numbers of 5 to support this ministry or 2, (for double portion) $20, $22, $220, $200, $2000.

You can sow here-

If the Spirit leads me to prophesy I will email you back with a word. But remember I’m like Jeremiah the prophet, I deal with the hardest things and it’s not always what people want to hear.

You can of course write any prayer requests on the comment section when you send a donation. I would be happy to connect with those who receive me as a prophet and want to be blessed by being connected to me. You become family to me, not just a random donor. This means I cover you in prayer and if God beings you to mind, I’ll always deliver that word to you.

Some people are really offended and get angry when I tell them what I hear. My job is to free you, not to make you happy for the moment.

Prophetic word- double portion is coming. Your husband/wife is coming! This is the final healing!

Stand in the season I’ve given you and do not be swayed by those around you. If God has told you to rest do not be overcome by the need to hustle.

If I’ve said to go somewhere or you have a strong desire to do something, do not allow others to stop you with their logic and man’s way of thinking.

Today I was on the bus and suddenly smelled chicken that someone brought on.

I thought I’ll just go home but I got off a ways from the popcorn chicken place I went to a few days ago.

I started walking towards it – I said you know what even though it’s not the healthiest I’m going to get what I want.

When I got there there were no seats so I saw this girl and asked to sit with her. We had so much in common, acting, film, and having to give up our dreams in the past.

We ended up talking for 3 hours and I actually had a dream about the exact amount of classes and how many times she’ll take it last night, written in my dream notes.

And I also had a dream about what she went through in class.

You can have what you want. – prophetic word, God will restore all your dreams.

For those who have been waiting for your husband or wife, he/she is coming. Don’t settle for the counterfeit.

Here are some reasons to sow-

1. For breakthrough, as a sign of faith

2. It encourages me

3. It provides the finances I need to continue ministering to you and those God leads me to

4. Your giving frees people from fear, condemnation, shame and guilt

5. Brings people to Jesus!

You can sow here-

Thank you for being family!

Prophetic Word- Let Go of Control & Trust Me



Whenever we make SOMETHING, SOMEONE a “need”, we are living out of a spirit of lack, we don’t believe we are enough RIGHT NOW. 

1. Witchcraft stems from fear, which makes you try to control the future through any means (holding onto what you can control, holding onto things God told you to let go, trying to make things happen in your flesh, holding onto a past word and not being present).

2. When we are afraid to take risks, it’s because we are afraid to let go of control, it stems from fear.

3. Relationship with God vs. Witchcraft (trying to make things happen through your flesh)



How To Deal With A Guilt-Tripping Mother

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New conversation with God added-

God– she’s not your responsibility

Me– it feels really heartless to leave her when I know she’s in need of care and love

God– only I can give her what she needs

Me– but what if she’s not going to you for it.

God– she will when you get out of the way.

As you know I talk about my mother a lot. She doesn’t like me writing about her but I feel like it helps people. Of course I don’t let her read them. A writer vows to tell the truth at all times, so here’s my truth.

I’ve included a video to help you.

It’s the holidays, how many people are guilt tripped to do what they DON’T WANT.

Questions to ask yourself-

  1. What season am I in? A season of rest, work, or healing? Your priority isn’t to live for someone else but to live for God and what God has told you. So if your priority isn’t to please your mother or family right now, it’s important to set boundaries and not succumb to spending every second with them.
  2. Whenever someone ask you to do something, walk outside and ask yourself if it’s something you want to do or if God has called you to it?

How to Deal with Guilt-tripping mothers or people-

1. Do not submit to what they ask of you out of guilt!

2. Explain why you don’t want to do what they ask of you. Don’t get angry back, just explain.


4. Be able to have a real talk with them about how it makes you FEEL when they do specific things like give you the SILENT treatment. “It makes me feel guilty when you don’t talk to me, you have to tell me how you’re actually feeling, can you communicate honestly with me?”

5. ASK them what they are feeling. Even if they yell eventually they will break and tell you what they’re ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH. Maybe they are afraid of the unknown, they are unsure about their life right now, maybe they are scared of being unemployed right now, or they have personal fears they are not letting you know about. 

How people act towards you usually has nothing to do with you.

People have issues, people get triggered.

Now say out loud-

I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there’s no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

Things you NEED TO KNOW-

  1. It’s NOT YOUR FAULT IF someone is mad at you.
  2. If someone holds a grudge, it’s also not your fault. Because if you apologize, they may still hold that grudge.
  3. You are doing the BEST YOU CAN. Now it’s another issue if you never admit fault.
  5. There is a responsibility to TAKE CARE OF YOUR EMOTIONS or GO TO GOD for emotional support. Then there is going to people and telling them WHAT YOU NEED from them. 

a. For example I like to be loved this way- touch, texting, calling, gifts, spending time, etc.

b. Express what you need….I need alone time.

c. Ask what they need to feel loved.

6. COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING! And finally YOU CANNOT FULFILL EVERY DESIRE AND NEED SOMEONE HAS, only GOD can! Be okay releasing them to God for what only God can do for someone! 

Prayer- God today I release that person into your care and love. I cannot love them the way you can. I release all control of their heart to you. I release my anxieties to you as well. I am not in control. Only you can love them the way they need to be loved. It is NOT my responsibility to take care of them, it is yours God.

It’s important that you don’t become the person someone relies on all the time, because then you take the place of God in their lives.

Consider giving to this ministry this Christmas! That people may be set from from guilt and condemnation through the materials I produce on Spotify, this blog and digital content. Thank you!


God Is The One Who Gave You The Desires In Your Heart ❤️ So Don’t Live From A Place Of Guilt

Here’s some questions to ask yourself when you don’t want to go somewhere or be at some event with family or friends-

1. Do I feel guilty for not going? (Spirit of condemnation)

2. Do I feel like I’ll miss out if I don’t go? (Spirit of lack)

Even going to church is a form of obligation. If you feel like you’re missing out if you don’t go to church, or that you won’t receive the spiritual food you need- it’s actually a form of guilt and condemnation.

That means Jesus isn’t enough for you.

If you want to go, yes, by all means go- but you shouldn’t go because you feel like you’ll miss out on something for not going.

Jesus already died on the cross for you to be enough.

I believe much of what “Christians” do actually come from guilt and obligation, not love or desire.

Desire should be at the root of everything we do.

Because it is God’s spirit that gives you the will and action to do.

for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose. Philippians 2:13

So if we are making decisions to do things out of guilt or maybe hoping if we do it we get what we want in return, it’s not God.

1. Do you have the will to do? Do you actually want to?

The religious spirit tells you you’re not allowed to have what you want until you do what God says.

It’s a works system that says you only deserve to have something because of your “obedience”. It’s like employee and employer.

You’re not an employee, you’re a daughter and son of God!

You don’t get paid by God for the hours you worked.

You’re a child of God that has everything God has and this also means you trust that God has your best in mind like a child trusts His papa. So you walk in alignment with Him when He speaks, it’s not to control you but to guide you.

Here’s an example of guilt versus desire. My mom asked me if I wanted to get hot pot and I said no I want pancakes and she said you should eat pancakes it has a lot of carbs.

She got mad that I didn’t want to go with her. I felt some guilt and thought maybe I should.

But then when I started writing this I realize it was guilt tripping me. I’m glad I decided to follow the desires of my heart this morning.

Consider giving to this ministry this Christmas! That people may be set from from guilt and condemnation through the materials I produce on Spotify, this blog and digital content. Thank you!

How God Has Been Preparing Me For Marriage

Some people marry their high school sweetheart and good for you, but that’s not my story.

My story is a roller coaster ride.

I grew up mainly with a single mother and my brother. And we moved a lot. I was born in Hamburg, Germany, moved to Taiwan when I was 5, then America when I was 8.

Honestly there were so many times I’d meet a guy and then he’s not it- I’d complain to my friends “why do other people have it so easy??”

But I don’t regret my life or story.

It’s super rich and colorful. It’s full of tears, dancing and laughter. Nothing about my life is boring.

I knew I had daddy issues that needed to be healed but I didn’t think it would be so strenuous. I had to meet men with a lot of daddy and mommy issues.

They say God brings people who mirror your issues or pain, well there were a lot of men that had mommy or daddy issues.

I was boy crazy growing up and never knew I was actually pretty close to my dad when I was young. I was shocked to see pictures of me clinging to dad when I was young.

At the age of 8 my parents officially divorced and I moved to America with my mom. Before that I remember my dad coming over to bring us toys. Gradually he came less and less. That was in Taiwan.

I didn’t know it then but I suddenly found myself shut down- because my dad completely stopped talking to me or contacting us.

It was like he stopped existing.

Then I experienced depression, I felt depressed and like a ghost outside my body. I started to stray more and more away from how I felt.

I journaled and talked to God a lot. I even wrote letters to my mother.

I appeared cheerful at church and school and became a helper. I helped everyone else to mask my own pain. People didn’t really know how I felt about my dad as I never talked about it.

My mother told me not to tell people that my parents were divorced. She was ashamed and was scared they’d feel pity for her as the church have us a single parent gift basket. As for me, I was happy we got gifts.

My first boyfriend was when I was 15. He was my first kiss.

I didn’t date much after that. I went to an all girl fashion school then started to date after college.

The young twenties was full of clubbing, but nothing crazy. I had my fair share of being heart broken. First a guy I met at work. Then a mutual guy friend, then finally when I met my long term boyfriend of 2.5 years.

He was emotionally distant and absent, like my dad.

He ghosted for days. I would think to myself- there are plenty of good guys yet I choose the most dysfunctional one.

I thought it was normal. But I realize it wasn’t. I was also emotionally shut off.

God had to fix my heart and my concept of self.

I had to learn that I was enough and not lacking.

I was not lacking a good childhood nor did I lack a father figure, for God had always taken care of me.

God gave me several college scholarships which I wrote essays for.

God protected me while I backpacked overseas in my young twenties.

God protected me from bad people.

God provided funds that I needed to eat and sleep while ministering to people on the road.

God did that, not my earthly father.

God healed my heart of every relationship, every heart break, God did that.

Jesus died on the cross for me to be whole, He took on every lack and said it is finished when He took His last breath.

So no, I don’t have a sob story- I have Jesus the risen Christ on the inside of me.

I am powerful beyond measure.

I’ll be happy to share more later!!!

May you come to a point where you realize how powerful you are!

Don’t feel sorry for people- share Jesus who takes away every deficiency from you.


Why I Left Everything To Follow Jesus

I left my career and family to follow Jesus-

I got rid of my car, my possessions, stopped renting my apartment.

People thought I was crazy.

My mom told me she thinks I’m smart but I don’t use it. It’s sad that the world judges people by accomplishment versus authority. Someone who has authority in Christ does not use if for anything, they use it only when God says. I used it to feed sheep. I left everything to follow Jesus, it was a huge sacrifice to leave my career and family for sheep. Why would anyone go and leave everything for people they don’t even know. It’s the burning love of God, saying I’m not leaving the lost sheep behind.

8-9 For the third test, the Devil took him to the peak of a huge mountain. He gestured expansively, pointing out all the earth’s kingdoms, how glorious they all were. Then he said, “They’re yours—lock, stock, and barrel. Just go down on your knees and worship me, and they’re yours.”

10 Jesus’ refusal was curt: “Beat it, Satan!” He backed his rebuke with a third quotation from Deuteronomy: “Worship the Lord your God, and only him. Serve him with absolute single-heartedness.”

11 The Test was over. The Devil left. And in his place, angels! Angels came and took care of Jesus’ needs.

Why would anyone be tested by Satan in the wilderness. Why would I have almost starved to feed the sheep. To find sheep. To be seasick, have diarrhea, to have fevers, to throw up on a plane, to have $5 left, to eat ramen, to not know where I’m going to sleep until God said. Why would I arrive in a foreign country without knowing where I was going to sleep because I was supposed to meet a divine appointment somewhere before landing or during landing and God would lead me to that person.

The compelling grace and love of God that said to me- nothing else but Jesus, I’ve tried everything else in my life and it led me to disappointment.

God alone fulfilled the empty void in my heart that I tried to fill with anything else.

Jesus alone. Filled my heart and so I went and shared Jesus with others.

And yes those who didn’t understand the worth and love of Jesus thought I was crazy. They wanted me to be stable, they wanted me to be like everyone else, to have a normal job and a normal life.

Oh but the blood of Jesus. The blood of Jesus. They did not see the blood of Jesus- the worth of Jesus. They wanted his money, not his crown.

They wanted his blessings, not his presence.

He was beat to pulp for your sake, yet you throw his garments out to sell it for a meal.

I went through the fire. I went through the fire. I held his hand and went through the fire. Now the demons are scared because they know I know the power of the blood.

I will not bend for the glory of the world. I have been tested In the wilderness. The glory and fame, the money and “appearances”, trying to gain worth from external things, people pleasing- it’s all trash compared to Jesus.

The test is always –

What are you willing to give up to follow Jesus.

Do you see His worth?

Or is He just there, a backup Plan?

Are you married to Jesus or are you dating Him?

Do you have other lovers?

Is it a guy, your career, your plans?