Stop Pimping Yourself Out

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(that’s a really ripe banana)

Wisdom always comes descending into my mind in the most inconvenient times like at 2am, 4 am. But then I am an alien so I have to be mindful of these downloads and know that this is why I’m on earth, to spread the wisdom of light.

This time I am confronted with the fact that I have let things distract me.

Which makes sense because God even spoke to me through a tattoo a few months ago. The tattoo said “focus”. 

Which brings me back to the fact that yes, I can blame people or specifically for my mom for being a distraction, always asking me to go out, go eat, go shopping, go somewhere with her…or I can simple learn to say no….that for once, in this time of INSPIRATION, this season where I don’t need to MIND anything but CREATION, CREATING, WRITING, DRAWING, CREATING as I have set my mind to do for the last year.

Originally my dream was basically to have non-distracted time to focus on my dream, which is the dream to create and do what I was born to do. 

So my logic started to beat myself up “dude, remember you wasted so much time putting others first?” I’m like SHUT UP.

Anyways, grace.

Then it dawned on me, I must VALUE myself and my time first before anyone else can VALUE ME. I must MASSIVELY value my talent and skills so I can massively impact the world for change. Don’t mind the money, don’t mind what’s going on in the world.

OUR JOB as artists, writers, musicians, creators is to create out of that secret place only we can….to bring fresh perspective, to be a vessel for which God creates through and with us. 

We must be creators….not constantly consuming the random streams of entertainment on facebook or social media, we must be INTENTIONAL about how we spend our time….because as creators, WE are the change. 

Living an intentional life seems to be impossible. Everyone is just responding to messages, staring at their phones, glued to present events instead of forecasting the future, dreaming, going about their dreams.

That is why I’m committing myself this day 8/18/2016 to be intentional about putting MYSELF first in this creating process so I can CREATE out of a space of health and freedom, instead of submitting to the urgency of other people around me. 

Sign- me.

Some people are so weirded out about the term “love yourself” but really it is just “valuing yourself”. Value your time, value your time.

Stop pimping yourself out. You don’t need to fix peoples’ lives, focus on creating so that you can have greater impact in this world. Sometimes codependent people are just a distraction so that you won’t write that book, create that podcast, write that article that millions and billions of people can be impact by.

I realize that by putting myself first, choosing my own well-being, health, sanity, I am loving the world at the same time. I am choosing the best for the world and I.

How about you? 

I would like to value myself more by: 

Fill in the blanks. Such as, “by not picking up my phone when I’m creating art” 

“Not taking on opportunities that don’t pay”

“Saying no and I don’t want to”

“Saying yes to my soul and what makes my spirit sing!”

PS- I’d like to add that the term starving artist has a connotation. Only when we are willing to starve as artists for the uncompromising truth of our soul will we then have massive impact. Because it is basically saying “I am SO passionate, I’d do anything for it”. When is the last time you felt that passionate about something? I believe it’s there, you have it within you.

Who Loves Beer? Ticket Giveaway!

Win Free Tickets

I love beer. I was born in Germany, I mean obviously. I love dark ales, IPAs, craft brews. That is why I’m giving tickets away!

Visit https://www.instagram.com/p/BJMd8YeB4K3/ TO ENTER!

In partnership with The California #Beer Festival@californiabeerfestival I am giving away 2 sets of CRAFT #BEER HEAVEN SATURDAY (sample 85 craft beers) tickets (2 per person, $100 value) and 2 sets of 4 FUNDAY SUNDAY tickets (4 per person, $40 value). This is all you have to do! 
Visit The INSTAGRAM POST HERE! 
1. Follow me @rebekkalien
2. Comment below- Tag 1 person you’d love to go with and and tell me which pack you’d prefer, the Craft Beer Heaven one or Funday One!

WINNERS RANDOMLY PICKED ON AUGUST 27, 2016! I will announce winners on August 28! :) Tickets will be emailed to you!

To buy tickets or for more info! 
https://www.eventbrite.com/e/california-beer-festival-los-angeles-county-sept-10th-11th-san-dimas-tickets-23125795878#tickets

Craft beer heaven saturday : ticket includes CBF tasting cup, 3 ounce samples of 85 craft beers, live music and entertainment!
Sunday funday: music and entertainment! No sampling this day but food and drinks are for sale.

Love, Rebekka Lien #beer #craftbeer #la#foodie #losangeles #free #giveaway

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God-employed

My conversations with God are often in moments of frustration, probably because I have been practicing patience all my life. I am like a jack in the box that has been kept in the box for too long.

But even then I know God is strengthening me for the path ahead. A lot of people have asked me about my “self employed lifestyle”. Honestly I am not self employed, I am God employed.

I CANNOT EVEN IMAGINE HOW I COULD HAVE SURVIVED WITH MY Sanity attached all these years without God.

Because entrepreneurship was more about just learning to converse with God and to build this trust relationship with Him.

Entrepreneurship divorced from God is like unimaginable to me.

Only last year did I basically let go of full control and let God take over, up until then I was still asking God to bless my plans. I thought that in order to do good in the world, I had to first be like Tony Robbins. Little did I realize that things spark fire in brokenness. In our inability, God does what humans cant.

I call this grace.

So yes I managed to survive and sometimes thrive, but it was when God told me to sell everything and follow Him that I totally let go of my fear of not having enough, not being enough, not trusting him basically to take care of me.

I let go of my apartment, I let go of my new car that was leased, I let go of my credit (it plummetted), I let go of the lifestyle I was trying to sustain, when in actuality it was a huge facade of the shit that was inside my heart.

I was so tired.

I had lost friends. Family had spewed accusations at me, I had just gotten out of a codependent, unhealthy relationship where I felt like I completely lost myself.

When I lost everything I actually found myself.

I found my sweet authentic self at the core of my tears and brokenness.

So began my rebuilding of my dreams, my heart.

It was at that moment that I felt I would do anything for what I really wanted out of life, even if I had no food or shelter. I SAID God anywhere, anything, I am willing.

That is when grace filled in the gap. GOD CAME.

I got opportunities to be on 3 tv shows within a year. I stayed with my friend for a few months, ended up booking a one way ticket to Thailand.

I traveled with the spirit, not knowing where I would go next. How?

Everyone asks how. But few actually believe. You cannot do great things without first stepping out in faith. God just showed up in so many ways, sometimes through strangers, sometimes through divine encounters.

What has this year been about for me?

1. Learning to stay in faith when hardships come

2. Restoring and reconciling my relationship with my mother. When I was living alone, I had a huge motivation to prove her wrong. My family basically thought I had gone rogue and was screwing up my life by following my dreams. I remember going to Europe for 2 months and actually blocking her number because I needed space.

As an asian dsughter, I had to really speak up for myself. OUR RELATIONSHIP HAS IMPROVED DRAMATICALLY. I think it was at that moment when I was crying my eyes out because she wasnt happy for me when I told her I got this huge opporunity…..that I realize, yes she loves me, but when will I stop living for her approval??

Many of us are waiting for someone to be proud of us, to tell us, you are enough……but God showed me, I am enough for Him.

3. Breaking out of the world’s system of success

4. Living in freedom

Xoxo Rebekka

How To Protect Your Heart When You Have An Asian Mom

You are responsible for the well-being of your heart. Yes, you are.

You are the landlord of your heart and you get to decide who and what resides there (landlord analogy by Christa Black). When I was younger, I’m 28 now, I opened my heart to lots of people because I thought, “well I’m taught to love people right?” but that’s when I realize that THERE IS EVIL out there. Real evil. And then I got frightened and closed my heart up after too many evil encounters. Thank God I’ve been healing from those manipulative encounters and learned to guard my heart.

I learned that it is important to have boundaries in your life. And you have to SPEAK UP for your heart, it’s your responsibility YO.

Which leads me to the whole controlling Asian parent thing again. 

Recently I’ve been blessed with good food and have eaten well. It’s just this season of rest and getting fed. Well, my mom mentions a couple of times that “watch your weight”, your legs are getting fat or your stomach is getting fat.

And as you can see, I’m not an obese person, I’m a pretty skinny Asian woman that happens to have curves. (This just goes to show the impossible culture Asians live in).

I was totally fine the whole day, had no neck aches and for me when I have neck aches it is usually because I am fearing something. 

SO at night I start getting these crazy painful neck aches and I start to do my inner healing, meditation, prayer time with God. I ask Spirit what the hell is going on. I look back on the day. I mean I had really great food, got this amazing dress from Nordstrom, felt so alive and free all day. I felt abundant.

Then it struck me, that moment when my mom….instead of saying “wow I had a great day with my daughter”, she said “your stomach is looking fat, watch yourself”.

Gosh, how encouraging.

So in that moment, subconsciously my self worth was struck down and subconsciously I heard and felt in my spirit “You’re not enough, you’re not good enough”. 

Wow. I love healing sessions with God.

So then I start planning a speech about what I’ll tell my mom, how I’ll speak up for my heart so that I can protect it in the future. Then I have this crazy dream about a childhood friend who I am no longer friends with due to parental conditions (aka controlling Asian parents who basically took control of our friendship and ended it with, well their controlling spirit). 3 times I ask her what’s wrong, no answer.

Finally she tells me “my mom died”, I hug her and we cry and cry. Then my mom comes in and questions what I’m doing. And the light bulb went on. When do Asian kids ever grow up? Some of us, without knowing it, are still being controlled by our parents. We feel out of control, we view God like our parents…unrelenting, angry, controlling.

In Asian culture, there is no such thing as GRIEVING, we are taught to get over it, cover it up, Asian moms don’t really have much capacity to comfort or tend to your emotions (I’m talking about the older generation, now not all moms are like that but I have seen a lot).

So in the grieving, pain process, we are often commanded to ANSWER TO and name WHAT IT IS we are going through. And as you know, grieving is messy, you can’t always name it. People want to KNOW shit because they feel like they are in control if they know what it is you are going through. 

Some Asian adults still feel that they are seriously unable to make their own decisions. They feel powerless in their own lives and a victim of circumstances.

Well, after my dream….I knew I had to just speak up.

“mom, can you not say anything negative about my body? It hurts my heart and honestly if I want to exercise or lose weight I will, but that’s my own decision. This is my body, not yours”. 

And with that, she said okay, as long as you yourself know.

And even if I sometimes feel insecure, I know that this season is actually a blessing.

Why? Because most of the time when I’m traveling I’m losing hella a LOT of weight and I barely have an appetite sometimes, like in Cebu, Philippines, I was shitting out water, or food that turned to water, okay I know Too Much Info.

Which leads me to my point.

I once heard a relative of mine say after I chose DISTANCE from certain people in my life that “people have a right to their opinions about you”. Well I have a right to “who I want in my life and what opinions I want to hear” because most peoples’ opinions ARE NOT truth about who you are in LOVE.

Because LOVE feels good, love FIRST tells you your true identity, then in the encouragement, propels you TO DO GOOD….not the other way…like when people yell at you and tells you “you suck” and think that ‘s going to encourage you to change. LOL.

So guard your heart because out of the heart comes all the goodness and junk of life. You have a right to say NO and TO create healthy boundaries, use your speech, speak up like I did.

PS- I love Asian moms, don’t get me wrong. Not all Asian moms are this way. There are many reasons people become controlling or negative, most of the time they are speaking out of their own insecurities. AKA my mom just bought this weird massage tool that is supposed to massage the fat out of her body. I love my mom- she is REALLY amazing. Sometimes I have to write about her because well, it’s my experience and I believe it can free others.

This article doesn’t just apply to Asians or moms, or women, this applies to ALL HUMANKIND. Maybe even animals. I pray this article may help free you to LIVE IN FREEDOM!

How To Protect Your Heart When You Have An Asian Mom

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Happy 5 Year Anniversary To Me!

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5 years since I left that moldy office.

As a celebration, the super self published ebook is $9.99 for today only. https://payhip.com/b/6zoT

Here’s an excerpt of a 100 page book I have not touched for a year, that still needs some writing..

May 15, 2012- On my adventures in Ecuador. 

Hi Friend!

I ́ve finally got the time to blog about my first 2 days

in Ecuador. The manager of the internet place just

asked me if I ́m married, it ́s not likely that random

strangers will make conversation with you by asking

about your boyfriend or spouse. He said, “your

boyfriend is in Ecuador?”. To which I said “America”.

I ́m in a random hole in the wall internet cafe, except

there is no coffee. It ́s called a “cabina”. I rode in a 5

hour bus to Tena from Quito today.

What I ́ve fortunately realized is that Ecuador is

probably the most beautiful place on earth, and

also the people are one of the kindest people on

earth as well. Unlike the pre- warnings that “omg”,

you are going to get robbed and beware of men

there, men in fact, especially the older ones have

been like papas to me. Today on the bus, I met a bus

driver who helped me find a hostel and find my way

around Tena. Then previously, a medicine salesman

helped me get to the terminal and take the right bus

to Tena.

He was very kind, though I don ́t understand why he

said he wanted to see a movie with me when I

already told him I had a boyfriend.

I paid 10 bucks to stay at a hostel. The hostel has a

little gap above the door so you can hear what drama

the owners are watching. The amazonias get really

cold at night, though during the day, it ́s like living

24-7 in a hot steam bath. I feel yucky. It feels like

living in Taiwan. The night, the markets do resemble

Taiwan markets from 15 years ago. Though Taiwan is

now much cleaner and more modernized.

I was thinking about how I ́m the only asian woman

walking on the street.

Sometimes you start to feel like an exotic animal

that everyone stares at. Now I know how white

people feel in Asia, except in this case, it ́s an Asian

in Ecuador. Staring is very normal, it seems.

The concept of private space does not exist here.

Personal space? What? When people point to tell you

something, they definitely cross your American

space, bypassing the normal boundaries of your

boobs. Of course, I ́m crossed and pissed. Though I

have realized, hey, they are not the only ones.

Sometimes they don ́t stop talking until you tell

them, ”I ́m going to take a nap”.

This morning, I was freaking out about how I would

get to Tena, I prayed. Then, when I was buying a 30

cent comb the medicine salesman happened to be

going there. Thank god! I would say, Ecuadorians are

WAY more hospitable than people in LA. I mean no

one in LA would take the time to help you.

Plus, if you think about it, no one goes walking in

Skidrow at night anyways. All the things you do at

home, is what you would do in a foreign country.

Speaking of foreign, I hope that I never act foreign,

besides the language barrier. I hope I ́m never

someone that treats locals with disrespect. I was

analyzing and observing today, and thinking about

what it means to be foreign.

And of course, how everything my American friends

warned me of, happens to be 99 percent not true. Of

course, we have to be careful wherever we go, but my

time in Ecuador, for the two days, have proven to be

positive…besides feeling like an exotic animal and

the sometimes ̈freaking annoying remarks

“cheennnnaaa” as in Chinese. Because the very idea

that a Chinese would come from Los Angeles seems

so foreign, I have to try really hard to be patient.

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The nice man who helped me find a hostel

My New Goals Don’t Involve Achieving Anything

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A few months ago I filmed two tv shows, one day I was the star and then I descended to earth and was just like anyone else, alien turned human roaming Paris for a bite. No one recognized me, I was normal again.

I was also on a competition show and only one person would win. Many and most went home slighly or largely disappointed. But then some maybe found that winning was not so much about achieving the goal, but loving the process and the people surrounding the journey. 

Some cried, somewanted to use the prize money to save a whole country, save the poor, send their mother to Japan, some wanted to start a fashion line, still, it made me realize how much we uphold expectations that we think are the answers to our happiness.

And we ask “what’s next?”

We rarely savor being, we rarely savor the moment.

Because we have these milestones we uphold, career advancement, getting the dream guy, getting married, having kids….we register for gift registries waiting for others to congratulate us, you made it!

We often get there and ask now what?

Which is why I want to start a revolution…its called….being.

So if you ask me what my goal is, for this year, for the rest of my life is?

I would answer “to be”.

Sounds vague. Well, I just want to breathe in every moment, to be present, and out of that space of being enough, accepted, loved, live. Whatever living looks like.

And I will create, not achieve, Ill express, like I am doing now, not achieving, because achieving is objective, it is based on peoples’ opinion.

I would also say “to live fully out of my heart”.

TO BE FULLY AUTHENTIC AND TO LIVE IN FREEDOM.

That to me is worth it all.

So no more lists of making a certain amount of income, no more lists of what i want to achieve, where I want to go, how many new friends I want….no more figuring out what I want because when you live out of being, you naturally attract the right things. 

1. Our egos always seek to prove our worth thus we achieve, looking for approval, hoping someone will say I love you.

2. The way of being is love. If you are pure love, then you lack nothing.

Love Was Not A Safe Word

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Palm springs

Okay peeps, shit is going to get real in this post. Read this if you need to clarify some relationships with family, friends, non-friends, frenemies, boyfriend, girlfriend, wives, husbands, etc. I’m not a psychologist but I have lived an intense life and have also coached people about their lives.

Growing up in a single mother Asian household, I realized something….love was not a safe word. I never felt safe because love was basically obeying your parent, doing what they say, and trusting they are right. And as you know many parents, or most or all are not perfect, so when they give you sound wisdom about how you should eat your chicken, you either obey or your question their way of eating chicken. 

Because her life seemed stressful enough, I bore the burdens of a parent, of being one. I put my own emotional needs aside to handle the stress of being home and to listen to the needs of my parent.

Consequences– I became a people pleaser and believed that I needed to help others before myself. The training of the institutional church did not help either. So I suffocated my own problems. NOW I also LOVED being alone because I found that most people wanted to control my life so I found it much easier to be alone with my own thoughts. I also felt that everyone was a smaller version of my mom so I often escaped to find my personal freedom. I was able to finally find people who would allow me to be myself, however because most people are not aware enough to dig up the reasons behind their behavior, I often have to draw a line between those relationships.

I’m glad that I did enough soul searching and reading to actually realize all this and CHANGE! Because I can’t imagine what a shitty life I’d have if I had continue being a people pleaser.

Going on vacation with my mom kind of clarified why I was the way I was…

Here are some things people use in relationships.

  1. Manipulation- “If you do this, I’ll pay more attention to you, I’ll give you more love”

“I’m providing for you, you better be grateful”

“Ten years ago, you fucked up my car…so you will pay for it by my punishing you in various ways”

Truth is if it was really unconditional love….you give love without expecting anything back, you give according to your perimeters, you don’t use it to manipulate that person’s love for you.

Consequences of long term manipulation- 

Manipulator- has no idea what BOUNDARIES mean and expect others to live their lives for him or her. He or she is a tyrant in life and is often disappointed, probably will end up with no friends because their rules are impossible to live by.

Manipulated one- has no idea what FREEDOM looks like in their personal and public life, does not know how to make choices on their own, always thinks others know better. He or she is always a victim who does not take personal responsibility for their lives….because the choice to submit to a manipulator is a choice. 

2. Control- Control is probably the creepiest one, because a lot of times we don’t see it until we get physically sick from it. 

“Go wash the dishes now, go fix my car now, call me now, where are you? Who are you with? You have to do this and this and this, if you don’t it shows you have no love for me”

“Because you didn’t DO THIS ONE THING for me, you hate me, you don’t love me”. By threatening with control, that person is able to control what you do for them.

Truth is if it was really unconditional love…..you’d give people freedom to be whoever THE FUCK they want to be and to do whatever they want to. Now if you want to suggest how you feel loved (5 love languages), then tell them, do not threaten them with by “withdrawing love”. How I experienced that in my life? My parent never ever said sorry and when we fought, this is what happened….silence for 3-4 days, yep, and not looking at me, like I was some non-person.

Consequences of control- 

  1. Controller- Needs to know what is going on all the time. If someone does not respond to their text when they want, often freaks out and then accuses the person of negligence. Often does not enjoy life, cannot enjoy life, probably doesn’t drink (joking), has fear that they are out of control.
  1. Controlled- Fear of doing wrong in private and public life. Often needs to ask for permission to do something, creatively suppressed, cannot find the courage to draw outside the lines.

Now, finding freedom from these issues can be difficult but know that God’s love is powerful enough for you to break free. Consciousness is worth having to live a free life.

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Thousand Palms

If you need a meter for which you know your personal boundaries are being crossed….

  1. If you have physical aches, usually that is a sign of discomfort, boundaries being crossed.
  2. Discomfort emotionally, from 1-10 how uncomfortable do you feel
  3. If you feel emotions of fear or intimidation

What to do when these things happen: 

  1. Take time away from the person to access the relationship, to give your heart space to breathe and feel
  2. Say “no” or create verbal boundaries such as “I do not feel that way”, “no thank you”
  3. Find a way to create physical boundaries

And if it gets unhealthy, please find a way to stay away from the person. You must put yourself first.