I woke up from a dream where a man was painting sunrises from dark until light. I was sleeping and saw holes in the wall and thought isn’t it a bit cold to have a hole in the wall? The light woke me up. In the dream I saw this man was Christian. My aunt was in the dream, she was single and thought I should get a job but I decided to paint. There were jars of Pablo Picasso’s paintings, like the painting was on the jar. And if you poured water on it, a cow would appear.

In 2018 I started having dreams of being married and I was about to embark on a journey to follow Jesus. I didn’t have money saved up and I didn’t know how I was going to survive but I said yes to Jesus. He told me to sell everything and follow Him and I got rid of my apartment, car and most of my possessions. 

A lot of people think they are ready for marriage but until they’ve been married to Jesus they don’t know what it really means.

Until you’ve said yes to Jesus, in the face of being rejected and persecuted by all of your family members, criticized by your relatives for being crazy, and “abandoned” by your best friends. Are you willing to forsake all for one?

I had dreams that I told my mother I was getting married. I dreamed that I was wearing a wedding dress on the airplane. I had another dream where God showed me pictures of men swiping left and then the words “get ready”.

What ensued was nothing I could ever imagine. What ensued was a year of boldness, betrayal, hardship, sometimes almost starvation. I left Los Angeles with a couple hundred from my mother, spent most of it in Taiwan, was helped by my dad, but then had to go to Korea and that’s when the fire of God fell on me and I started prophesying non stop. I maxed out a credit card to start my ministry and eventually had to come out of hiding and actually tell people what I was doing. 

I knew the judgements would come, and at first they didn’t but they did.

I left all for the one.

“Until death do us part”

“through good and bad”

In the name of God, I, (groom/bride’s name), take you, (groom/bride’s name), to be my (husband/wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

Jesus and I were there, together. I said yes to Him. For better, for worse. When I was on my mountaintop and when I was at my worse. When I was staying at a hostel with 10 other people, with music pounding and bouncing off the walls underneath or when I was staying at a resort.

I said yes.

I said yes to being persecuted and being called a false prophet. I said yes to being rejected by others, but being approved by God. 

Choose this day whom you will serve. Choose this day whom you will be married to. 

To be married to what others think or to Jesus.

To be married to your friends or to Jesus.

To be married to peoples’ agenda or to Jesus.

To be married to your parents’ opinions or to Jesus.

To be married to some guy/girl or to Jesus.

What does that mean? That you are willing to forsake everything else and anything else for Jesus. 

There is a process to come to this stage. You first say yes to receiving Jesus into your heart, then you date Jesus, but you aren’t willing to surrender everything to Jesus.

Maybe He has called you to quit a job, to sell everything you have, to give up a man/woman. Maybe He has called you to follow Him into the scariest situations, to ask strangers for help, to land somewhere and not yet know where you will stay, but then you trust your husband to lead you. 

Until you’ve become married to Jesus, you trust Him completely, no husband/wife on earth will ever suffice. 

Marriage to Jesus is sacred, it’s total trust.

Though I had to process feelings of being betrayed by my husband, as I went through a lot of suffering, I know that He hasn’t abandoned me. He never will.

Solomon 5

I slept but my heart was awake.
    Listen! My beloved is knocking:
“Open to me, my sister, my darling,
    my dove, my flawless one.
My head is drenched with dew,
    my hair with the dampness of the night.”
³ I have taken off my robe—
    must I put it on again?
I have washed my feet—
    must I soil them again?
⁴ My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening;
    my heart began to pound for him.
⁵ I arose to open for my beloved,
    and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with flowing myrrh,
    on the handles of the bolt.
⁶ I opened for my beloved,
    but my beloved had left; he was gone.
    My heart sank at his departure.^[a]
I looked for him but did not find him.
    I called him but he did not answer.
⁷ The watchmen found me
    as they made their rounds in the city.
They beat me, they bruised me;
    they took away my cloak,
    those watchmen of the walls!
⁸ Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you—
    if you find my beloved,
what will you tell him?
    Tell him I am faint with love.

This couple of days I’ve had to confess to God how I felt betrayed by Him. Metaphorically I felt beaten, bruised and exposed by people. I had to cry and cry. Recognize that my father would never love me the way I want to be loved, that the betrayal of silence had to be lifted. I had to tell God how I hated Him. I had to tell Him that I felt forgotten.

But when all that was done and then God had me tell a man that I still had feelings for him and it was reciprocated, I felt a light in my heart.

And even though he is not my husband, it was prophetic of what was to come. God was telling me that He’s never left me and He apologized for allowing me to go through the beating. He showed me that He never left me and that He never abandoned me. He was the only one that shadowed me and held me on my worse nights. He made the warfare easier, I cried to him when Satan tried to attack me.

I was willing to forsake all for the one. Are you?

To trust Him, your husband, your provider, your father?

You say, well I’m not willing to go through what you did.

But isn’t it worth it to feel that sacred love with the one who created you, to know you lack nothing and no one because you have a relationship so deep no one can tear you away or apart from Him? Until you’ve encountered sacred love and become united with Christ, sanctified for Him alone, you cannot truly know that you are not lacking. 

When you know you lack nothing and no one because you have Christ alone, any relationship in your life is a product of codependency and comes from a feeling that you are lacking. But when you know you are enough because of your sacred relationship with God, everything and everyone else is just an addition. 

That is marriage.

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