Testimony Tuesday

Write your story with honesty and transparency. Maybe you will get criticized, but maybe and most likely you will set the captives free.

I’m wondering where I should start but I have been having dreams about telling my testimony.

I’ll start from the beginning then.

I was born in Hamburg, Germany. My parents moved there to study. They both spoke German but we are Taiwanese.

I moved a lot growing up. In fact, my mom was a backpacker like me. We weren’t the traditional Asian family. In fact, our lives were riddled with traveling, but often not on a luxurious budget.

I then moved to Taiwan and lived there until I was 8. Then I immigrated to America. My parents got divorced then.

I didn’t see my dad for 10 years. When I did see him, he was older, frail, not what I remembered. God took me through years and years of healing and forgiveness.

I can’t tell you how hard it was to forgive people in my life, but I know it’s supernatural.

My journey of faith was lifelong.

I knew God was always with me but I accepted Him when I was 12. From then on, I was already an outcast. I was just different. I was different in personality and style. My wardrobe was eclectic. I couldn’t fit in anywhere. My mom made my clothes so I didn’t have any brand name clothes. I felt less than because of that, I wanted to fit in but I didn’t have the money to.

So I earned my own money. I was plagued with feelings of unworthiness and started selling toys in 3rd grade. I started saving my own money because I wanted to be significant. 

This post is really about finance, identity, grace and God (your Abba Father).

SO I worked my ass off to be significant and worthy. I was selling stuff in middle school, under the table, very literally…while the teacher was talking. I was always entrepreneurial you see….but I didn’t know my identity in Christ. I also wanted to help my single mother.

I went onto pursue Fashion Design and Business, I saw my life with expectation and vision. I would climb the corporate ladder and (be miserable) like Devil Wears Prada. I wanted fame and status. I didn’t know why I wanted it exactly but everyone affirmed it, everyone applauded my goals, everyone was also running this rat race. 

Achievement and accomplishment was so ingrained and embedded in my identity that it took years to break off.

You see, even in church my accomplishments and DOING was applauded. 

The more I did and served in church, the more people applauded me. 

“you’re a great leader” they would say.

Things kind of hit the fan when one leader pushed undue responsibilities on me. “You didn’t take care of this person”- they said. I was probably 18 then? I thought to myself, how could I take care of others when I can’t even take care of myself.

I was dry. I had been wrung out with no more soap to go on. I was a really dry sponge.

Then some other mentor that I thought I could trust basically cursed me out.

I was forced out.

I wondered why.

I wondered why me. I was hurt.

Then I went on a pilgrimage, and it took many years to see myself right. I walked into the wilderness and I was confused. I knew I had greatness on my life but I didn’t know why I kept getting hit over and over again. Why was life so hard if I was supposed to be winning?

There’s more to be said but I’ll continue with this….

After years of trying to make it on my own, trying to be significant…I found myself following Jesus when He said to sell everything and follow Him. I had packed up my stuff in my friend’s garage and flew over to Hawaii to stay with another friend. I had gotten rid of my apartment, gotten rid of my car, and was off the radar.

On the outside, people had no idea that I was just obeying God. 

But you see, sometimes your obedience looks crazy to others. 

A year later, I was in Thailand. I had a one way ticket and everywhere I went I was simply following Holy Spirit. I didn’t go to vacation, I was simply exercising my faith. Because it wasn’t like I saved money to go, I had $1000 that I basically used up in Thailand. So now how did I go to Malaysia, Indonesia, Singapore, etc. I’m not sure, things always worked out. Did I do it with fear and trembling? Yes. But I saw God move and He used me to speak into peoples’ lives.

I found myself pushing a suitcase on the streets of downtown and staying in a Korean spa. I could have contacted people but God told me specifically not to. Why? He wanted me to trust Him, not people.

But God showed up in ways I never would have expected (I’ll have to write a book someday).

God taught me grace- that grace is not something I work for but something I receive and inherit because JESUS died for me to have it. 

I learned what it REALLY means to be a child of God.

Many people become Christians but never activate and use their faith. They stay stagnant and unchanging because they don’t realize that faith must be exercised.

You will not receive the PROMISE LAND if you trust in your own efforts. You must go forward, empty handed sometimes.

I am stronger now in Christ than when I was strong in my flesh. 

THERE IS A BIG transition and change coming and I know that many of you (myself included) is wondering HOW GOD is going to do it. But I promise you that He will do it, somehow. Because HE HAS done it before. 

“In my frequent journeys, I have been in danger from rivers and from bandits, in danger from my countrymen and from the Gentiles, in danger in the city and in the country, in danger on the sea and among false brothers, in labor and toil and often without sleep, in hunger and thirst and often without food, in cold and exposure.

Apart from these external trials, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches….If I must boast, I will boast of the things that show my weakness. The God and Father of the Lord Jesus, who is forever worthy of praise, knows that I am not lying..” 2 Corinthians 11

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Amsterdam, Holland

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Hanoi, Vietnam- 12182820_10156181978565603_8331432383287719801_o

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Melaka, Malaysia

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Melaka, Malaysia 13327544_10156986869925603_3062478034808944178_n

Morocco

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Dream Again!

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I woke up from a dream this morning with a sense of wonder.

In this dream, my mom was chasing after a little boy and the little boy and his brother grew up. I then played with the older brother. He had little shower curtains and cute little towel (like for dolls). People around me said I was in love with him but I said I was just playing.

Then I went into a glass room where I was playing cello with two other musicians. I started playing intricately. There was no teacher, just mentors. The mentors said I was actually in tune even though the other two musicians was criticizing me.

When I woke up, I heard “Dream Again”.

The Lord said “dream and play like a child. The reason many have lost their ability to dream is because they attached their dreams to their identity, needing to prove themselves, needing to make a living….they stopped dreaming and playing with me.

They started worrying about how they will make money instead of trusting me to provide for them. In their search for worldly meaning and purpose, they stopped creating with me just for the joy of it.

They traded joy for WORLDLY SECURITY. 

They traded identity as a child of God for WORLDLY IMAGE. 

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What do you think it would LOOK like for children of God to TRUST GOD completely and WALK out their life with pure joy and childlike play? 

It would revolutionize the world. 

It would be fearless. It would be wild. It would be amazing. It would be FREEING. It would be joyful. It would be bliss.

We would share and give generously.

We would also receive abundantly.

God wants you to be so SECURE IN YOUR IDENTITY that you have no fear OF what others think about you- this is including those around you (like friends, family and coworkers…maybe even pastors or mentors).

What is it that you have been too scared to do?

God wants to dream and create with you. 

He will provide everything you need.

A DREAM is not something you chase, but it is purely creating with the creator of the world and finding joy in the process of creating with God. A dream is a relational process that draws you close to the Maker. 

A DREAM is also not about being first at anything, winning awards or getting applause from people. A dream is more about coming alive in your identity as sons and daughters of God.

Many of you may be wondering why God doesn’t just give things to you…He is actually removing the things that hinder you from dreaming and living freely (for example: the fear of men – what people think of you, the fear of lack, etc). Until these fears are removed, you cannot live freely the way God intended you to live.

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It’s Meant To Be Impossible For You, it’s ONLY POSSIBLE WITH GOD.

Hey everyone,

This season has been super heavy with expectation and birthing.

I woke up from a dream where I moved to a new house, but it was in New York, it was cold….I took a picture and when I did I noticed a man dressed like Santa Clause who was sitting camouflaged to the environment. He was just chilling. In the dream, I walked into the new house that had nothing in it and I wondered how my mom bought it with no money.

When I woke up, I felt the Lord speaking to me:

“It’s MEANT TO BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU but POSSIBLE FOR GOD”.

THERE ARE MAJOR DECISIONS, PROMISES BEING MANIFESTED IN THIS HOUR that HAS GOTTEN YOU FEELING WEARY AND TIRED….but it’s BECAUSE many of us are trying to make it happen with our own human strivings, flesh, strategies. 

“So he said to me, ‘This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty.” Zechariah 4:6 

“I NEED YOU TO COME TO THE END OF YOURSELF SO THAT YOU WOULD RELY ON ME ALONE FOR THE finances, the resources, the people, the way, the strategy. STOP LOOKING AT WHAT YOU DON’T HAVE (the talent, the skill, the opportunities, the money, the friends)- LOOK AT WHO I AM, someone who gives freely and can DO ALL THINGS FOR YOU”. 

I will be glorified through your testimony of HOW I’ll part the seas for you. 

Watch this video and share this post/video with your friends:

 

It’s Time To Move Forward

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Tell my people “It’s time to move forward”.

Many people have been in a season of battle and tribulation. The enemy has attacked you with depression, frustration and weariness.

The Lord is saying “Take heart, I have overcome the world. This too shall pass”.

I prophesy that this month and onward, you are going to advance into your territory. 

I pray that all weariness will fall off of you and you will enter into a new season of rest with God. I pray that all distraction will be removed so that you can focus on what God has for you in the secret place.

It’s time to move forward. Yes, this word was spoken in the beginning of the year, but prophesies take time to walk out.

Whatever God has been speaking to you about, take it by faith and choose to trust God.

Doubts will come – “I’m not enough, I don’t have enough, I can’t”.

But God says “I am enough, I have everything and you can because I am in you”. 

Get ready, get ready, get ready.

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Sow A Seed 

Breaking Off The Spirit of Mammon- The World’s System That Enslaves Our Souls

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I thought I was going to write about this later but this morning I felt such a clear word from God to write this revelation.

Last night I had a dream that clarified somethings.

He is breaking off the spirit of mammon. 

The Law of attraction is actually not biblical. God told me that He does not measure things by material manifestation or money. He told me that He can anoint a homeless person and give peace to someone who has no car. 

He can give you $30 and you can feel rich. Someone can have billions of dollars and not HAVE ANY presence of Jesus in them. 

God said “it grieves me that people measure their worth by how much they have, what they have, what talents they have, what they can do….my only measure is faith, hope and love”. 

People seek me for material things and they think it will satisfy their hearts but it is never enough.

If you are rich in love, then you are rich. But if you have no love, no Jesus in your life, you are poor. 

People think that if I think about something more luxurious I will get a more luxurious experience or thing. For example, trying to manifest a handbag. They think this will bring them happiness.

People also think that if they side with poverty, or not having anything they are more noble. This is not the case.

He said both is idolatry. Your worth has nothing to do with money. 

He said “when you worry more about money than on receiving love from me, you have allowed the spirit of mammon to take over your life”.

He said “you are worthy, so worthy I died for you on the cross so you can have my presence in you”.

When we attach our lives to what we think we need to live, we try to control what comes in and out, we have actually become enslaved by the Devil who desires to make us slaves to his system, his spiritual bondage. 

We have become our own gods instead of trusting God for provision.

God said IF you put me first in everything in your life, if you seek my presence- you will have everything. Because I am everything. 

When you start to judge by the dollar signs of things, you start to judge people who seem less fortunate, you think they are poor, they are despicable. You start to think that people have lots of money are “blessed”, that is not the case. You will think you are useless if you aren’t productive in society.

You will see things like the world and stop having the heart of God when you judge by the spirit of mammon.

GOD SAID “YOU HAVE AN ANOINTING, YOU CARRY MY PRESENCE, YOU CAN HEAL THE SICK, YOU CAN BREAK EVIL SPIRITS FROM PEOPLE, YOU ARE WORTHY because you carry the weight of my GLORY”.

The spirit of mammon is pervasive.

“”No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.” Matthew 6:24

The world thinks that if people are famous, rich, and known they are being esteemed by God, not the case.

Matthew 5:

“Blessed are the poor in spirit,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.
Blessed are those who mourn,
    for they will be comforted.
Blessed are the meek,
    for they will inherit the earth.
Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness,
    for they will be filled.
Blessed are the merciful,
    for they will be shown mercy.
Blessed are the pure in heart,
    for they will see God.
Blessed are the peacemakers,
    for they will be called children of God.
10 Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness,
    for theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

 

I don’t write this carelessly. I have experience growing up in a single parent home where we constantly struggled with finance. I kept hearing “we don’t have enough, we can’t afford this”. But when we could, I wanted and needed things. The spirit of mammon controlled my thinking. 

I thought I needed to be financially independent to be influential. God humbled me. He told me to sell everything and follow Him. You know how He broke off the spirit of mammon and continues to do so? He tells me to give.

There were times I didn’t have enough and He told me to give it all, every last cent. I gave it as a sacrifice but as a way to die to my flesh. 

My prayer is “KILL EVERYTHING IN ME that has nothing to do with love. If I am worshiping anything other than you, destroy it”.

I KNOW it’s an intense way to live, but it’s because I found the one true thing worth living for- God.

Have I been in intense situations because of my desire to live for God? YES. Absolutely.

But it’s so worth it. Because at the end of it, I found that LOVE was the only thing worth living for. If it’s not love, kill it God.

I pray this will bring deliverance for you to be ABSOLUTELY free from WORRY about provision. ABBA FATHER LOVES YOU and HIS PRESENCE CAUSES ALL THINGS TO WORK TOGETHER FOR GOOD.

When I first started stepping into my calling, I often ask God how He would provide because I was basically to love people, prophesy over them, encourage and empower them…but I found coaching to be straining (because I was so worried about making a living that everything was strife)…

And God said “feed my sheep, focus on love and I will provide. Love with purity and you will never lack. Have no motive but love. Look to me for provision”.

He is truly faithful.

It has been a wild ride.

Seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and ALL THINGS will be added onto you.

“I WILL BE GLORIFIED in IMPOSSIBLE SITUATIONS and I WILL NOT ABANDON YOU when you PUT ME First. LET THE WORLD SEE WHO I AM when I SHOW UP IN A BIG WAY IN YOUR LIFE. YOU WILL NOT BE SHAMED because I AM LOOKING FOR THOSE THAT WILL STEP INTO THE DARKNESS AND BE THE LIGHT”.

Sold Out Lover

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Sold out Lover.
I’m a sold out lover.
I will hold onto the nail pierced hand instead of looking to the applause of men.
I will carry the cross instead of running towards a temporary fix.
I will cry and sob until I feel my being dissolved into love.
I’m a sold out lover.
It hurts and burns in the fire, but I will stay and feel my heart come alive in you.

I will follow you into the dark, where no light has been.

I will follow you into the dark, where no applause or sounds are.

I will follow you in the silence.

 

The Fire of Refinement

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This morning I confronted someone about the way she was talking to me.

I said it hurts me and makes me feel like she doesn’t love me. Basically when someone is mean to me, I cope by being positive and trying to recite truth and all that.

But I felt like God was saying “I want the real you, I want you to feel the emotions and not ignore them or try to be positive”. Stand up and fight this battle. 

And then I burst out crying.

It was like emotional hell, my heart couldn’t take it anymore. I was being verbally abused but I had just become numb…since it’s my mom, I thought “I just have to deal with it”.

As you know, in many Asian families emotions like sadness are a sign of weakness. We do not talk about vulnerable things like “it hurts me when you say this”.

Instead, anger is okay for some reason. Like you can be sad and just show it by yelling. Like it doesn’t make sense at all.

Then she replied “do you have depression or something?”

I turned my head and rolled my eyes….this is retarded.

At least I did my part. No apologies from her end. But it’s okay, I don’t feel like I’m dying anymore. 

I don’t feel like my heart is swallowing itself anymore. 

It’s easy to exit, escape and walk away. It’s easy to move and just not talk to that person, but I feel like in this season God wants us to face those emotional battles. 

A lot of people end up alone in life because they don’t want to face the hard emotional battles that come with love.

Love is NOT easy. 

Love is well, longsuffering. Love is patient, love is kind, love is….well 1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 This season God is refining me…and perhaps you.
  1. the process of removing impurities or unwanted elements from a substance.
    IF God is love then HE IS making me MORE LIKE HIM. God is removing anything in me that is not love. This means, I must also confront the people and things in my life that is NOT treating me with love. And I must Forgive.
    Because Forgiveness will loosen my heart from the grips of the devil. 
    Love and forgiveness are fierce. They are the evidence of Christ in someone’s life. Someone who is able to forgive when they have been fiercely wronged….that is not weakness, that is FIERCE. 

    Jesus loves me with a fierce love and He is teaching me how to be this fierce love. How do I continue to love someone who constantly hurts me?

Forgiveness.

And sometimes space to recuperate and cry. And boundaries.

I pray God will give you the wisdom and strength to love, confront, to overcome hurt in your relationships.