The story continues. I found myself at the top of a hill asking a receptionist if I could get a dorm bed. My card was declined because it had a few cents on it.
I think we often define ourselves by how much we can do for ourselves and here I was, totally dependent on the Lord.
God told me “go to Macdonald’s”.
There I sat next to a couple and asked to pray for them so I did.
At this point I’m petrified. I don’t know where I’m staying and I’m thinking I just have to ask for help.
I then tell them my story and ask for help.
The husband was very serious and refused to help. The wife kept looking at him for permission “how much should I give her?”
Remember I grew up working since I was 8 years old, selling toys after school, so asking for help has never been my strong suit. In fact, the first time I ever asked my mom for help was in my late twenties and I was deeply ashamed for needing help.
She went to her car to get some change and gave it to me. While waiting for her, her husband turned to me and said “do you always ask people for money?”
I explained that I was a missionary and that I worked all my life but learned true humility when I started to rely on God on this journey. I asked if he had any faith and he said he was later day saints.
But I didn’t sense any warmth or love. All I sensed was complete judgement.
In that moment, I felt depressed. Well, when the wife came back I was crying and she said “just wait, I’ll bring a $20” but 30 minutes later she hadn’t come. I’m sure the husband converted any thoughts of her helping me.
An old man sat next to me. God said, pray for him. So I did, however…he said no I don’t need prayer. Later God said “ask for help” so I did. I said “sir, I’m in a bit of a pickle and I need help”. He said “how did you get here? Is this faith brinking on foolishness!! I don’t care what faith you have but you got to have some sort of plan”.
Well he didn’t have any faith, and trying to explain that the Holy Spirit led me here was useless.
He tried to call the multi racial association to get help but no reply. He said “well sit here and maybe the lady will show up as I’ve told her you are here”.
How much was it that you need for the hostel? I said $25 more.
He left. No help from him.
A group of high schoolers sat to my right. I then explained my story and situation and they said they had no money. So I asked to pray for them and I saw one girl writing chapters. Her friend said “she’s drawing comics right now!”
I shared my testimony with them. It was about 5 high schoolers. I noticed that I’ve often been sharing my testimony to high schoolers- sometimes at Burger King, sometimes at boba shops. It’s how the spirit leads.
They were way more open than the elders I met.
Then I walked forward and leaned on a taxi cab. Sir my name is Rebekka, I shared my story. He gave me $2 and consented to prayer.
He was not religious at all, but grateful and told me to go into the taxi office.
I walked into the taxi office looking for Sarah. I explained my story and she said no sorry I can’t help but wait, there might be a hostel that needs help.
Side note- as a prophet, missionary, I did not expect to be working non-spiritual jobs. Though God has told me to start my coaching again, I did not consider scrubbing toilets as an option even.
Well the hostel needed help desperately. They needed a housekeeper in exchange for room and board.
I was like hell no. But this was the only option.
God I’ll submit. Even though I hate the idea.
When I got there it was like “okay here’s your dorm bed. You’ll start work tomorrow”.
Side note- I’m not even on a working visa and woofer is considered a job even though it is just trade for boarding.
Straight away I introduced myself to a couple and shared my story with them. They were really interested and I prayed for the man.
God was leading me here but I never would’ve thought this was what I would end up doing for a week. This is the open door he had for me. Honestly I felt humiliated. Perhaps there has been a bit of pride in my heart, that I would only pray and prophesy over people, but not work in exchange for board.
That I would only share my testimony but the thought of scrubbing toilets is beneath me.
I cried a lot today. I cried in front of strangers, yet in that vulnerability God showed me that somehow I opened peoples hearts to love.
I know it sounds crazy but our humanity can be so cold. Our need to have it together, our need to be put together.
The husband and wife I met today….the wife had a soft heart but the husband, was like a stout man. He was in a place to help but he had a judgmental spirit. He was filled with religious duty….he had this mentality that whatever you have, you need to earn.
And the truth is, grace is not earned.
Grace is received. That is why grace is such an unpopular concept to Pharisees. Pharisees do their part, they are model citizens (like I was before God broke me). I had perfect credit, I always paid my bills on time, but I had no mercy or love for people.
I often yelled at my brother that year he was just playing video games. I was paying rent to my mom. I was the model citizen.
I had a car and I was paying gas. I had my life together.
But see, God had to pull everything away from me to show me what grace is.
I have so much more compassion now. I don’t simply think that people are on the streets because they did something wrong, I understand their story and can love them as Jesus did.
Sure I’m not perfect but God has shown me why it’s harder for a rich man to enter heaven than a camel through an eye of a needle.
It’s because sometimes our love for money outweighs our love for people.
I’ve been there though.
And today I was on the other side.
I’ve learned to let go of judgements. Realizing I still have so much prejudice without even knowing it. Today I felt belittled by peoples’ judgements but I remember that I am living in obedience to God and not to men. That I am a child of God and not an orphan. That the very act of asking for help is more for them to open their hearts than for me to receive the help I need.
G- keep doing what you’re doing. You are breaking off the callous in peoples’ hearts. You are opening their hearts. When they saw you cry they saw their own humanity, their own vulnerability. People are icy cold, their hearts have become numb. Your vulnerability breaks open years of self preservation.
Writing from Nelson, New Zealand
Another day of following the Holy Spirit with my bag and suitcase.
Not comfortable. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and just went to pray, I couldn’t stop crying. I didn’t have enough for a hostel the next day and today the Lord said “It’s time to move on”. I prayed for a few people and told my testimony to an English guy.
Dying to myself is so hard.
I want to be comfortable, I want to have the security of finances, but I have to trust God alone.
R represents me, G is God.
R- I’m scared that you will leave or abandon me. I can just imagine the worse case scenario, me lying on the street.
G- Trust me. I am leading you to the lost sheep. My ways are not your ways. I know you want to know how it’s going to happen, but my ways are not your ways.
R- Why me?
G- Because you are willing.
R- But it’s difficult.
G- In your weakness my strength is made perfect.
“Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. 9 And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:8-10
R- I tried everything didn’t I? I tried to fundraise, I tried couchsurfing. But your ways are not mine, so though my heart is unwilling, I submit to your ways.
G- Flow with my Spirit. I know that you want to run away, like Jonah. But you’re choosing to stay. Remember when you watched “Married At First Sight”? You have a choice to STAY OR LEAVE…yet every time you’re choosing to STAY. You’re choosing the safe path of following me. Though everyone else may think this is the unsafe and unsecure path, you are choosing the only path that matters, the path of life, the path of the Kingdom, my path.
This all makes sense now. Before I left Los Angeles to follow Jesus in search of lost sheep, to share Jesus with people….I kept having dreams about getting married.
I had dreams that I was wearing a wedding dress and getting ready on an airplane.
This was saying “Yes” the the Ring, the dress, the commitment to God. This was believing that God had the best intention for me, that His heart is love for me.
That as a husband, God will never leave nor forsake me.
So I’m not alone, though I may feel that everyone else has abandoned me.
I am so thankful for the people that continue to pray and support me on this journey, but nothing compares to the presence of God. People are not constantly next to me to root me on. People are not there 24 hours to pray with me. Sometimes I feel like I really can’t go on anymore, I feel petrified. I have a few dollars, I don’t know what will happen but I’m choosing intimacy with God.
The Lord has just drawn me to a place of closer intimacy with His heart.
G- I will do and go anywhere for one person, will you do that? Will you pour out your life for the sake of one?
R- yes I do and will.
G- You are my faithful warrior. Don’t give up, be brave and bold for I am with you.
Yesterday I prophesied over a Thai man, I saw him doing graphic design. He was shocked. He asked me how I knew as he just returned from Wellington (where he was doing graphic design)- I said Jesus showed me.
G- You’re bringing them closer to me. The revelation of who I am, love.
R- What about me Lord?
G- I will never leave nor forsake you. Be brave and move forward. Walk in my spirit. Walk forward even when you don’t know what will happen.
R- I will hold your hand even when my heart is fearful. I will hold your hand into the dark, as you are my light.
Give to the work of the Kingdom, to saving souls and changing lives. Thank you so much for your continual support.
Breaking out of fear of lack: This journey recently has really challenged me to live like today is my last day. To not worry about tomorrow. There are times money is so tight I worry about the next day and God is just like – use what you have for today and tomorrow I will provide for where you will stay and what you will eat.
It’s literally living without fear of anything. Fear of danger, fear of lack, fear of tomorrow. When we are children, we learn to rely on our parents. It’s a given, we don’t think about it. But when we grow up we are taught to be self-sufficient. We are afraid to ask for help, we think it’s shameful to not be able to be independent. But none of us are meant to be self-sufficient. God wants us to be like children at all times.
God is our father and He will provide all things according to His riches in glory.
So don’t clamp onto what He already gave you. Use it and He will provide more.
Our fear of tomorrow often has us holding onto what needs to be used for today, and we never really step into our purpose or destiny because we are worried about a future that never comes.
I see kids playing at the arcade and I’m reminded how kids rarely have a lot of money but when they run out they ask their parents for more.
God wants us to live like this in perfect faith that he will always provide when we run out.
God doesn’t want us to be self sufficient he wants us to be like children.
As I was writing this I saw a girl dancing in Burger King. Right before I found myself singing to the Burger King songs playing and she started singing too.
I had just moved to another hostel today and was feeling lack because I had $20 NZD left for food that day (and just in general and in total). I was worried about tomorrow and where I would stay. I was thinking about tomorrow but not having the energy for today (as the thoughts of lack was pressing down on me and weighing on my heart, truthfully there are just days I doubt that God will come through for me and my mind goes to worse case scenario).
However, there was a man on the opposite bunk bed that was hiccuping. I asked to pray for him and I said “I see you surfing” and he said “yes I surf, is it because you saw my tattoo?” and he turned his forearm. There was a tattoo of waves. I said “no, I didn’t see that at all”.
After that, I was like….I need to get out of this funk and just use my money in faith. So I decided to go to Burger King and have a meal. I guess God wanted me there to meet these girls.
I felt like I needed to pray for these 3 girls, 14 year old high schoolers.
They had such unjaded confidence, perhaps the type of confidence I once had but am finding again.
I ended up praying for them and telling them my testimony and journey. Truthfully sometimes when I pray for people, I am actually learning more from them than anything. They were all Christians too.
I remember when I was 14. I wanted to change the world and I believed that I could. I had a heart for women, and I wanted to rescue women from human trafficking. I thought that anything was possible.
I am slowly believing that again, but life sometimes have a way of getting you down.
All things are possible with God.
Anything is possible.
Help us to have a hope of a 14 year old.
Dear God- I pray that you will help our hearts to trust you completely, as children. I pray that we will not rely on ourselves, but the heavenly Father who richly provides. I pray that you will rid our hearts of the fear of lack. So often we grow up relying on our parents but when it comes time we move out and we think we have to be self-sufficient.
But God you desire us to be like little children, daily trusting you.
God today we trust you completely. You’ve never let us down. Rid our minds of the fear of the future. Our future is in your hands, not ours. You are our Father and you provide for us. Thank you for loving us. In Jesus name Amen!
When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”
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This is the painting I described yesterday.
Whenever I meet someone who has been wounded by Christians or the church, my heart breaks. I feel their pain. I understand how it feels to be betrayed by people you thought you could look up to, trust. I’ve met many people on this trip who grew up Christian but walked away.
I find myself listening to worship music and going to Jesus, I know how it feels to be totally isolated in a deep pain, a pain no one seems to understand.
You’re not alone.
I hear the Lord say to you
“You’re not alone. I never ever left you, I was always with you. Even though you doubt me, you turn your back to me, even in the pain, I’m with you. I see you. I never left you.
I feel and understand your pain. Though others have forsaken and abused you, I’ve never left you. I’m always with you still. Even if you curse me and say you are an atheist.
I’m not interested in being right. I’m only interested in loving you.
When I went to the cross, every beating I took for you, I thought to myself you are worth it.
I took the pain for you.
Will you lay down your pain now? Will you stop hurting yourself, punishing yourself?
It wasn’t your fault you went through what you did.
You live in an imperfect world but my grace is sufficient for you.
In your weakness my strength is made perfect. So lean on me. Lean into my strength. You are perfect in my eyes. Lean into me. Cast your cares on me for I am lowly and humble in heart”.
I will never leave nor forsake you says the Lord. You don’t have to go it alone. You are not alone.
I pray today that if you have been seeking a God who loves you -that you would open your heart to Him.
His name is Jesus.
Pray this out loud- Dear God thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. From today on I’m without blemish and I’m whole. In your eyes you only see Jesus. I’m saved by grace and today I’m a child of God, no longer an orphan. I’m righteous in Christ Jesus. My life will never be the same and I open my heart to knowing you Jesus. I’ll walk with you forever. In Jesus name amen!
A painting I made in Melbourne
This morning I had a realization.
Yesterday I saw an artwork in a gallery with a woman crying and her cheeks were wounded.
On both sides there were verses from the Bible and one from the Koran.
The one from the Koran said a light beating was permitted to put your woman in line. Another was about woman submitting to their husbands.
Then yesterday I talked to a German guy who told me there’s a lot of the Bible he doesn’t agree with.
I explained that Jesus came to fulfill every law, not to bind us.
“There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” Romans 8:1
“For it is God who is producing in you both the desire and the ability to do what pleases him.” Philippians 2:13
So if anyone tells you should or shouldn’t do something, they are using the law against you.
Grace is the only thing that should compel you.
When I asked God about the verse regarding submission, the Lord said “I’ve fulfilled every law”.
Here are examples of people using the law against you- it says the devil is the accuser….remember Jesus already paid the price for your imperfections.
1. Lie- God is not blessing you because you don’t tithe- it doesn’t say you are saved by grace and tithing, you are blessed no matter what. Tithing is only an act of worship and thanks. There are times on the road I really don’t have time to sit down and tithe but I hear God say “it’s okay, you’ve done enough”.
I may not tithe all the time but when the Lord leads me I may give all or a large portion of what someone sows into my ministry to someone I meet and who is in need.
This action is also compelled by the grace of God, not because I feel that God won’t bless me if I don’t do it. I do it because I trust that His grace is sufficient for me.
In the past I was very paranoid that God stopped blessing me because I didn’t do something – but I realized that’s the devil condemning me.
His sacrifice on the cross is finished, complete.
In fact, the more you understand grace, the more you will give because you start to experience the grace of God in your life. And you are no longer bound by the curse (ex karma).
Same goes with going to church. For many years I didn’t go to church and I sometimes felt guilty about it but during that time the Lord said “just rest, no need to go”.
Even now on the road I only go to church if I feel led. I meet plenty of Christians on the road and we pray for each other. But I don’t feel obligated to go to be a Christian.
I’m not saved by church attendance. I’m saved by the finished work of the cross and if the Lord leads me to go I go- but often it usually for the people that God wants to connect me to, or perhaps there’s someone He wants me to prophesy over, or perhaps someone will bless me with who they are- but very rarely is it just for the message itself.
The church is a organism, not organization. It’s supposed to be flowing, moving, supporting each other as a community, not as a stagnant organization.
2. Wives, you should do this or that.
At any time someone tells you what to do, they’ve chained you with the law. What is the law? Working for the blessings.
“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23
A fruit is an external manifestation of a seed God planted in you. So it’s not something you made happen, it’s what God did in you. It’s supernatural.
So if there is a loving marriage, God made it happen. If someone chose to love, God made it happen.
God is the one who produced in me the desire and ability to do what I do- but it’s because of the understanding that He already finished all the work on the cross that set me free to follow Him.
If we think that God will only bless us if we obey Him then we don’t understand grace.
It’s His overwhelming love for us that compels our hearts to give up everything to follow Him.
Imagine a kid who does something in obedience to her strict father. She is paranoid and scared that he will punish her if she doesn’t obey him.
She doesn’t understand his love for her. She continues to obey out of fear. But she doesn’t feel loved.
I feel like that at times, but then I realize it’s the enemy trying to make God seem like a tyrant.
Now imagine a kid who is sure of her father’s love for her. She forgives, loves, gives and open her heart to receive because she knows her father loves her, not because she is fearful that her father will retaliate if she doesn’t obey.
The last couple of days have been really intense for me. The money was not transferring or coming in and I felt like I was being torn. I also felt the leading of the spirit to just go and flow with Him not knowing where I was going to stay.
I literally walked where he was leading me. With all my bags. The next day I booked a bus, then the next day I booked another bus somewhere else. It was one after another. Money was really tight. I found free food in the kitchen. Like it was for real. I had to ask people for help. And the people I prayed for actually gave.
My heart was like ahhhhhhh, I’m scared.
I’m scared that God won’t take care of me. But I came through. And I understood it was all learning to trust His heart for me. I also understood that He led me to the places and people that I needed to minister to. It showed me that I was worthy of the help too, that what I was doing was touching peoples’ hearts and they were willing to reciprocate. Which I found so rare in previous times.
I am making you more like Jesus says the Lord. Though it feels difficult, you are being set free from everything that is holding you back.
Yesterday I wept and wept as I prayed to God. I haven’t cried that much all this trip. I felt like my heart was coming out of my chest. I was crying for the lost sheep I met.
1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
God wants to break every fear off of you. And sometimes He’ll do that in a tight place, in a place where you feel like you can’t go on anymore. In that place you learn His perfect love is actually enough for you.
This morning the Lord said “look in your bank, the money should have transferred”.
Sure enough it did. God needed me to know that even if I didn’t have money, He would provide for me. That if I asked someone for $5 they would give $20, that if I asked for a ride, they would give me a ride. That if I didn’t have food, there would be food for me in the kitchen.