Who Did Jesus Heal?

Kat+Lia

As I was sitting in front of someone who was physically there but not mentally there, I thought to myself….this person could be set free right now but she doesn’t see the miracle that can happen right now, instead she is focused on her problems. 

I had a dream where I was sweeping up the food that someone made a mess of under the table of an art gallery. I said “what a mess!” Why would anyone leave a mess like this in a beautiful art gallery!

I was convicted this morning as God gave me a revelation.

“Don’t waste your time on people that don’t want to be healed”. 

Healing is a choice. Everyone has some healing to go through but NOT EVERYONE wants to be healed. In fact, being broken can be comfortable if you have been in it long enough.

I asked God “who did Jesus heal?” It’s a question we rarely ask. 

So I looked up some verses and realized that everyone he healed wanted to be healed. That is why He would ask them “Do you WANT to be well, do you want to be healed?”

Some guy WANTED TO BE HEALED SO MUCH that he had his friends remove a ROOF to get SET FREE by Jesus! One woman literally crawled on the floor (imagine public floors, EWWWW) to touch the hem of Jesus’ clothes to be HEALED.

Like HOW BADLY did they want their HEALING! 

So why do we throw the pearl of GREAT grace to pigs who DO NOT see it as precious? And why do we try so hard to PUSH people to realize they are broken.

OMG. There are people who would DO anything to get healed!!! WE don’t have TIME to waste on people who don’t want to change.

CHANGE IS A CHOICE and not everyone wants to change. 

“But the news about Him was spreading even farther, and large crowds were gathering to hear Him and to be healed of their sicknesses” Luke 5:15.

I have the anointing to impart abundance to people but when I mention that they are living in a spirit of lack, they are sometimes so offended they don’t want to hear what I have to say. Sometimes, I meet people who are inspired by my testimony and when I am about to say something that will shift their perspective and change them forever….all they want to do is vent about “she said that and he said that”. 

All they want to do is gossip and marinate in feeling bad when the miracle is RIGHT BEFORE THEM. 

“YOU COULD BE SET FREE RIGHT NOW” – I can hear my heart screaming. 

I do the best that I can, but essentially I give them to God and say “I release them to you for they are not my responsibility but yours”. 

13Then Jesus said to them, “Do you not understand this parable? Then how will you understand any of the parables?

14The farmer sows the word. 15Some are like the seeds along the path, where the word is sown. As soon as they hear it, Satan comes and takes away the word that was sown in them.

16Others are like the seeds sown on rocky places. They hear the word and at once receive it with joy. 17But they themselves have no root, and they remain for only a season. When trouble or persecution comes because of the word, they quickly fall away.

18Still others are like the seeds sown among the thorns. They hear the word, 19but the cares of this life, the deceitfulness of wealth, and the desire for other things come in and choke the word, and it becomes unfruitful.

20Yet others are like the seeds sown on good soil. They hear the word, receive it, and produce a crop—thirtyfold, sixtyfold, or a hundredfold.”- Matthew 13:18-23

Who did Jesus heal?

Jesus healed people who WANTED to be healed and He also healed people who were demon possessed, who were unable to decide for themselves because well, demons had possessed them. Usually people would bring them to Jesus to be healed. Though He traveled and met people to bring them out of their own misery, people also swarmed to Him for healing. 

So do you truly want to be healed, or do you want to keep feeling sorry for yourself?

Do you want to be healed, or do you actually want revenge for the hurt people have caused?

Do you want to be healed, or do you want to keep venting and own the right to vent?

Do you want to be healed, or do you want to own the control of your pain? Because when God heals you, you need to hand over the pain, the brokenness- you need to hand over your heart; not just half a heart, but your whole heart. 

People in ministry, coaching, therapy, teaching, etc….we are doing something wrong when we are focusing on people who don’t want to change or be healed. Being unhealed is a choice. Yes, we are all works in progress but there are many people who actually don’t DESIRE change or healing. So invest your time wisely.

Ask them “do you want to be well?” 

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I realize I don’t often make it easy for others to contribute, but I realize there is power in sowing a seed in good soil and there is also power in sowing so you can experience God’s fullest abundance. And I need to make it possible for people to contribute so that they can participate in God’s movement.
So if you would like to sow a seed in this ministry and you have been blessed by my videos! Thank you and God bless!

As you give, you will receive God’s multiplication! 

Make A Contribution Today!

 

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It’s Okay To Grieve The Last Season

It's Okay To Grieve The Last Season

It’s okay to grieve the last season. Maybe you lost some friendships, relationships in your life. Maybe you were disappointed. God is not scared of your emotions.

God wants your emotions.

He wants you to be honest with Him.

Don’t be afraid to FEEL the FEELINGS. 

We are not robots, we are human beings.

Even though our emotions aren’t always based on the truth of who we are, perhaps people accused us or we’ve been rejected and they are speaking lies about you….but it still hurts.

It’s okay to FEEL THE FEELINGS. 

Yes, there is a hope and a future for 2018 but maybe you haven’t processed the feelings of pain and loss. Take this time now to grieve, to cry.

You can’t possibly feel joy if you haven’t processed the pain. 

The death of something requires a grieving process. God can soften the pain, God will certainly be your comforter.

He wants to walk with you through the pain. 

“Now when Jesus saw the crowds, he went up on a mountainside and sat down. His disciples came to him, 2 and he began to teach them. He said: 3“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. 4 Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted”….Matthew 5:1-4

So cry those tears, cry until your heart doesn’t feel blocked anymore.

Then you can start to see clearly what 2018 is about. Yes, your breakthrough is here. You just need to cry out the last season. Don’t be afraid to let go. Don’t be afraid to surrender. God has your back, He hasn’t forgotten you. He has a great plan for you this year. I promise.

But it’s time to LET GO and surrender. Let it ALL out.

God loves you.

A Blog Post For Children of Divorce

Divorce is awful to the people who divorce, but even worse for the children.

We are the invisible children who often suffer in darkness. 

But Asian culture makes it about invalidating the pain…”you should be grateful you know, that you weren’t abandoned, that a parent even took care of you” (like we are burdens instead of gifts in this world). These are the words you hear when you grow up in an Asian household. You are also taught to pretend like nothing is wrong. You are taught to hold your breathe and put on a mask. 

Because it is shameful, divorce. 

So there are seasons of my life where I feel pangs in my heart that I can’t explain, that I can’t pray away. It’s God healing the layers of pain that can’t be explained with words….it’s suffering in injustice and peeling off the hidden layers of protection, it’s trying not to drown and holding onto the cross, it’s looking up from under the ocean, every time God heals me…slowly swimming closer to the surface where I can finally breathe and laugh again.

It’s God unlocking chains that have held me down too deep, too many contracts and agreements that I didn’t agree to, that I was born into.

I didn’t agree to this. I break it off, I break off every lie that I was born into.

I break off every pain that tore through my heart, I break off the shame and the guilt that wasn’t mine.

It’s not your fault you know, if you were a child of divorce. You were a child who needed protection, not the other way around. You couldn’t possibly shield your parents from pain, you couldn’t have stopped the move, you couldn’t have because you were a child who needed protection.

So don’t feel guilty for not having done more. Even now it’s not your fault. You were a helpless child. 

Children of divorce often grow up with too much on their plates and they often continue to take on more than they can handle, sacrificing their own happiness to make others happy. Because I’ve caused enough hardships. I was a burden on her or him. My very life is a mistake. 

You are not a mistake, you are a gift from God. You were born into a tragic story but you were born as a brilliant idea of God, you are a gift and you are gifted.

No wonder some people live in rejection even until they are gray and old.

“No one will ever love me”- says he or she…”I’m not worthy of love”.

I wish I could tell you that this world is perfect, but it’s not. We are born into an imperfect world that needs redemption.

God is redeeming me everyday. Some seasons are heavier where I am faced with the wounds in my heart caused by thousands of stabbing.

There are layers and layers of protection and false bandages that children of divorce use. There are guilt trips and false shame.

Some of us live normal lives not recognizing or accepting that we have been wounded. These unrecognized wounds become unhealthy and destructive patterns in our lives. Sometimes we drown it with addictions like alcohol, sometimes we drown it by working hard and making money (and we are applauded for that, society looks up to that), sometimes we drown it with relationships and codependent friendships, sometimes we drown it by constantly being alone or constantly being with people.

It’s not about you, parents. This post is not about you. This post is about us children. We get to have a space to be ourselves, we are not guilt tripping you.

We get to have feelings, we get to have emotions. We are human, we are not an accessory to your lives. We were not born to be cute or helpful. We were born for God and FROM GOD. We were not born to satisfy or a fulfill a life you didn’t live, we were not born to be your source of love. We were born for God and from God. 

The responsibility to take care of wounded parents seem to last a life time, but it’s not supposed to. Children of divorce are not supposed to feel responsible for their parents’ divorce.

We are supposed to move on into healthy relationships and have healthy opinions of ourselves. 

But many of us still live under shame and guilt. We feel guilty for being born, we feel guilty for creating a mess, even though it’s not our mess. We feel guilty for being a burden. 

So God set us free.

Set us free from the lie that we are not enough.

Set us free from the lie that we are a burden and not a gift.

Set us free from shame. Set us free from feelings of unworthiness.

Set us free from the lie that we will never be happy and that we don’t deserve to be happy.

I have carried burdens that aren’t mine for too long and I need healing too. This is a space I get to be honest and myself. This is a space I get to be loved. Some people tell me “it seems like you are blaming your parents” or I hear “you shouldn’t write about it” ….but is silence better? Is it better to live in a world where everyone just pretends to be fine and dandy?

Why don’t we get to have feelings? 

If I don’t write about it, who will. Who will break the silence?

Who will shine light on the invisible children? Who will remember the forgotten ones? The children who grow up into adults but still live as rejects.

Most people will not see it, but God sees and He cares. He cares for every wound in your heart, He cares about every tear that you cry. He wants to set you free.

A prayer of release (read this out loud)- Dear God, from today on I break off any lies and contracts that were made on my soul and spirit the day I was born. I was born into imperfection and sin, but Jesus died on the cross for me to be righteous in your eyes. I am enough. I am loved by you. I am not a reject. I break off any responsibilities that are NOT mine.

From today on, I am a free person, I get to live my own life. I am not tied to my parents’ divorce, I am not a child of divorce any longer. I am a child of God. Now you are my parent, you take care of me, you protect me, you guide me. You have always been there for me, even when I felt like an orphan. I now remember that I am royalty, I was born to reign and not to suffer in silence. 

I forgive my parents and I forgive myself for carrying burdens that aren’t mine.

I am a free person! There is now no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus.

Thank you Jesus, in Jesus name Amen.

You Are Already In Your Promise Land

I received the revelation that “I’m already in my promise land” when I watched Toure Roberts’ message last night. Thank you PT!

I was having a lot of spiritual warfare and nightmares where the devil was trying to choke me or stop me, but when I heard that “I was already in my promise land” and that is why the enemy is doing everything he can to stop me, I was filled with joy.

Yes, right. What was my promise land anyway?

I stepped into my calling and owned my identity, that’s my promise land. Nothing around me really changed, I didn’t move (Yet), I didn’t have an increase in finance or an immense amount of material increase, NO ONE around me promoted me or gave me a life changing opportunity….but what did God increase IN ME? 

God increased BOLDNESS in my faith.

God increased PEACE and SPIRITUAL AUTHORITY IN ME.

I also finally had the BOLDNESS To STEP into my calling as a prophet/preacher/pastor- ppp.

I didn’t go to seminary, no one ordained me. But the Holy Spirit pushed a button within me, God activated me and said “It’s time” after a LONG TIME in the wilderness. I spent about 2 years just resting and in hiding while God was healing my heart.

I didn’t need anyone’s approval anymore even though the struggle was REAL on the outside even with family member’s asking me why I haven’t gotten a REAL job.

Last time someone asked me that I firmly replied “I am a prophet, I work for God”.

And I didn’t feel insecure about it anymore. Because I literally have the responsibility of LIFE and DEATH on my hand, I have peoples’ lives and blood on my hands.

There are people who are set free from bondage because of the power of God, and this is more than the immediate and temporary relief of human opportunity.

God’s power is life changing.

It releases people from the grips of death, suicide, depression, rage, unforgiveness, poverty, lack, generational curses, infirmity, disease, cancer, addiction, and pure evil. There are evil spirits that roam the earth everyday, suppressing, oppressing and lying to people.

God can set you free. Jesus is the only way. I’m no longer afraid to speak boldly because I know the other side and only darkness resided there.

Why We Put Off Having Fun

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Nanjing, China

Today I was lying in bed and having a conversation with God. I’ve been back in LA for 2 days and I was feeling sulky. The conversation went something like- “I don’t feel like doing anything today”. “Why don’t you have some fun”. “Well I don’t think I deserve to”.

You deserve to have fun because you are my beloved.

You deserve to have fun because you are my daughter.

Why do we put off having fun, especially since I just went to China for 2 weeks, isn’t that all the fun I deserve? It’s because we don’t believe we deserve to have fun. Now this has everything to do with the curse of Adam and Eve. You’ll have to do your own research because it will be a whole theological post. And it has everything to do with knowing who you are as sons and daughters of God. 

Here’s what I discovered in the last 2 weeks, about sonship.

Grace was NOT a popular message back in the days, especially to the pharisees. So the pharisees were people who worked really hard to keep the laws, they were upright religious people. 

Then grace came. The disciples were not necessarily upright or even perfumed individuals….they were like, hairy and weird, hippies, ex-convicts, etc.

They said “believe that you are sons and daughters of God, that Jesus took upon your burdens and sins, and you are now FREE To ENJOY life as if you deserve, because under the LAW you don’t deserve to enjoy life, you have to work for it“.

As long as you come under the law (which in our society is “work hard, then you deserve to have fun”), you’ll never know what it means to be a beloved son or daughter of God.

A son or daughter of God believes “I am loved by God” and it’s not something I have to work for, I freely receive without conditions.

I don’t RECEIVE and then say to God, okay NOW let me work for it because I don’t feel like I deserve it.

May this message set you free to enjoy the life that God gave you.

Knocking Down the Wall of Self-Protection, The Key To An Open Heart & A Full Life

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“How are you?”

“Are you okay? Okay, as long as you are okay”

Well I don’t want to be okay. I want to feel, to experience all levels of emotions.

This morning I woke up from a dream where I could feel my whole being weeping. In the dream, I was experiencing every emotion I’ve somehow neglected to feel, that I’ve managed to numb. Because it’s too much sometimes.

But I woke up, I could feel my whole body shaking as I made weeping sounds and my eyes turned puffy in no time. All the pain started lifting off my body as I experienced the pain in my heart. Though it wasn’t necessarily voluntary and sometimes God needs to show me my true emotions in dreams, I was grateful.

You know what it felt like?

Like when a kid is VORACIOUSLY hungry or tired and he/she cries like the world is ending. I bet you’ve seen it.

I wish we could feel that much all the time. But somehow most of us can’t, we cover up our true emotions by staying distracted. 

We binge eat, drink, smoke, get addicted to a substance, stay numb by netflixing, gaining weight, or losing weight, focusing on what we don’t have and trying to get it, work….complain, blame, escape (hey, how about travel, I know I personally have tried to avoid my emotions by escaping LA), shop or take pills because it’s too much to feel.

But you know when you have A REALLY SOUL WRENCHING cry and then suddenly your body feels lighter? Like a whole slew of burdens have lifted off your shoulders? That’s how it felt. And you know when you give that kid a good meal and they’ve slept….and suddenly they can smile again? Yah that’s how this feels.

Today someone asked me if I was okay. I said “no one’s truly just okay, everyone is going on a journey and some are just not aware of how they are feeling”.

I’m not saying everyone is depressed or going through intense emotions, I’m saying somehow in our society it’s not okay to show vulnerability, to be struggling internally, to have deep emotions. 

It’s okay. To not be okay. I like this journey. I am feeling more emotions, I am feeling the pain and the joy. I am choosing to be alert, to be conscious, to feel deeply. 

I met two men last year that I thought were respectable, honorable, honest men. I thought they would be good candidates for a potential life partner. But when I got to know them a little more, or actually even as I was talking to them I noticed there was a wall. The wall of vulnerability.

The wall that says “I’ve been hurt, don’t get near me”. 

I know I’m still breaking down that wall myself and truth be told, those two men reflected my state of being. You meet people who you reflect. Everyone in your life is a mirror to your own state of being. It doesn’t mean that you are exactly like them, but there is a part of you that is reflected in them. 

That’s why they say “wounds attract wounds”, “you are attracted to like minded people”….so they key to being with the right life partner isn’t so much about fixing the other person, but working within your soul to heal the wounds that attract wounded people.

It doesn’t mean you are insufficient, every part of the journey is worthwhile, but if you are going to spend the rest your life with someone…you want someone on the same level of “healed” and “healing”.

If you want someone to treat you a certain way, learning to treat yourself well is everything.

If you want someone to love you a certain way, learning to love yourself well is everything.

We can’t expect other people to take responsibility for our healing, we must actively seek it out. First, we must open our hearts, that is a personal decision. Second, we forgive, and that’s also a personal decision. 

I know there were times I couldn’t listen to other peoples’ problems because it triggered emotions of my own that I was incapable of experiencing.

The only reason I’m sharing this is because I’m walking it. Healing is not easy, but worth it. I hope you will continue walking with me through this journey- Subscribe on the right side of the blog via email (right side of blog on desktop computers and if you are reading via phone subscribe on the bottom of the blog)! 

Also if you are interested in the forgiveness class that I talked about in my last post, please visit https://hope4hollywood.com/register/

No One Can Be Your Everything

Islandof Zen (1)

It sounds unromantic, but it’s realistic. 

Your girlfriend or boyfriend can’t be your everything. Your wife and husband can’t be your everything. Your friends or family can’t be your everything.

Because everything is perfect and no one is perfect. Imperfect people will soon disappoint you if you placed your hopes and dreams on just one person. 

Yesterday I went to a forgiveness class and there was a questionnaire that asked something along the lines of :

“I am angry at_______because of___________” From 1-5 level forgiveness level.

I put down family members and noticed a theme.

Everything stemmed from my absent father. He was physically and emotionally absent for 10 years and even before then my parents were already separated. So I lacked the emotional support of a father and my mother was also very emotionally absent from me. 

So I started looking for that emotional support somewhere else, friends. 

But when they said the wrong thing, set their own boundaries, I couldn’t take it. I lashed out, I disappeared just as my father disappeared from my life. That was the only way I knew how to protect myself. 

I let other people step on me or was NICE to people to get what I wanted- their approval. 

Then God took me into a journey of solitude and seeing myself right.

I needed to make God my sole emotional support and to be my own biggest cheerleader.

I’m not SAYING we don’t need people, because people help us, support us…in the right ways…..

BUT when we are looking for approval from people—-they will surely anger and disappoint you. Approval doesn’t come from people. God has already approved of you. He says “you are enough, you are worthy of love”.

Everyone has bad days. If we look for approval and put unjust burden on them to take care of us when they are incapable of even taking care of themselves—-we become codependent. 

Codependency.

This happens when we make people God. People are not God. People are imperfect.

See yourself right. You’re not perfect. You will disappoint others. You were not put on this earth to please people nor become a God for them. In fact you HURT them by taking their own emotional responsibilities. 

  1. Awareness
  2. Releasing the Past

So last night I had to come to terms with my past. Yes I reconciled with my dad, yes I forgave him and myself…but did that mean everything changed? No. He was still physically and emotionally absent from my life. Things didn’t change. I didn’t magically become close with him nor did I magically have a happy childhood filled with moments where I shared my heart with my dad. 

A moment of grief.

A moment of acceptance.

I said “I accept that this is the reality and I’m accepting it because you God are my everything and I want to share my heart with you”.

Now I can truly let go. I can’t change the past nor can I really change this relationship by myself and it’s okay. It’s okay because God’s got me.

Now I need to be the biggest cheerleader for myself….and it’s taken me years to realize that. As I backpacked through the caves of Malaysia and traversed the jungles of Ecuador, climbing mountains in Taiwan I would hear God whispering to me. I was scared at times, lying awake with no one to talk to with deathly food poisoning, thousands of miles away from home. Yes, I didn’t have much of an emotional support, but there I was – “am I enough for you?” I heard my own soul ask. 

You are enough, you are enough. It’s okay.

There was this theme in my questionnaire- “people didn’t support me in my dreams”.

And I remember all the people who felt utterly alone in their dreams – Abraham, Joseph, etc…and all the tech companies that no one believed in in the beginning. LOL.

Do YOU believe in your dreams? 

Allow others to be themselves. You don’t need everyone to believe in your dreams for you to pursue them. Think of it as a secret in your heart, a baby you are feeding. It is exciting and you may want to share it with the world but sometimes the world is not ready for such a magical thing.

Sometimes you might meet a few rare gems who will stand beside you. Don’t make them your everything. Everyone has their own journey to walk and sometimes it’s through a dark and cold alley. God will walk with you through those alleys. He will never leave you.