Breaking Off The Orphan Mindset

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Since the age of 5 I was often home alone, I learned to kill bees on my own as a kid. I felt alone many times as my mom was often at work and I did not grow up with my dad. But in the many years of learning to be independent I learned to rely on God. I felt that I needed to be financially independent as I didn’t want to be a burden on my single mother.

However, I was living out of an orphan mindset. 

I was trusting God for provision however I was limiting Him by not knowing how to ask for help or believing that I was worthy of it.

There were many times on this trip I had to verbally ask for help. For example, asking to carpool or for a ride from a stranger because I had no sim card or way of getting home. So many times our phones actually become our emotional crutch but on this trip I’ve learned to open my heart. 

Recently I watched a movie called “More Than Blue”, it’s a Taiwanese movie about 2 orphans. One whose parents and family died in a car crash, and another whose mom abandoned him. What happens when 2 orphans come together? Codependency.

Here are symptoms of an orphan mindset:

  1. You feel like you have to rely on yourself (and God) and no one else.
  2. You feel like people cannot be trusted.
  3. You feel like love must be earned, and that people will only love you if you are good to them. This results in you putting on a mask or pretending to be happy all the time.
  4. You suppress and stuff your emotions or how you really feel because you’re scared of rejection and that others will stop liking or loving you because of you telling your truth.
  5. You’re ashamed of asking for help, you don’t believe you are worthy of it.
  6. You believe it’s easier to be alone and as a result you don’t know how to share you heart with people.
  7. You carry severe woundedness and feelings of rejection because of past experiences.
  8. You handle pain on your own, you feel that vulnerability is a sign of weakness.

ONE HUGE SIGN of an orphan mindset is that you CONDITION your behavior around those you are around (your behavior depends on who is around you at any given moment). God wants us to come into an alignment in our being to feel the freedom to be who we are without changing no matter who is around us. Most of us don’t feel safe to be who we really are because most people are not safe to be around (to be honest).

What happens when we find stability in our identity in Christ? And we find people who we can be honest with? Powerful authenticity.

There has been a number of movies recently about orphans, Instant Family for example.

Not to ruin the movie or anything (don’t read it if you’re going to watch it)- but they don’t tell each other how they really feel until the man is about to die. And then they lie and coerce each other to do what they want thinking it’s what will make them happy. For example, the guy says “you should get married to someone nice” when in truth he actually loves her…however because he is about to die he fears that she cannot handle the loneliness. He also does not tell her that he is sick.

In truth, she knows he is sick and is handling the pain on her own (orphan mindset). In the end, she married a guy just to make the man he loves happy, then leaves her husband to be by her lover’s side because she didn’t follow her heart to begin with.

Anyways even though I cried my eyes out, I thought to myself “this is really F#$% up”…how dare she use an innocent guy just to fulfill her lover’s wish.

So then, he dies and then she swallows some pills and kills herself.

While I was crying a bunch, God’s like “that’s not love”. I’m like okay I know, but the world seems to romanticize it. It seems romantic to die by your lover’s side.

In truth, the whole relationship started out with an orphan mindset. They felt abandoned and alone and instead of healing together, they basically became an orphan couple.

The girl could have lived a happy life without him if she had Jesus.

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A child of God Mindset: 

  1. Knows that in your weakness, God is strong. It’s powerful to be vulnerable and say how you really feel. You know that the ones who love you will still love you no matter what you say. 
  2. The Lord is your shepherd, you lack nothing. You are enough in Christ Jesus, you are not lacking. Your worth doesn’t come from what you do for others but who you are in Christ.
  3. You have a healthy understanding of building trust, that it takes time, but that your trust is not in people but in God. You understand that people are imperfect and people make mistakes and you understand that forgiveness is important to go on.
  4. You can ask for what you need or want without feeling guilt about it because you know you are worthy in Christ Jesus.
  5. You know that love is honest, not fake and you’re willing to be honest and show your true self. You understand that you heart is also not to be shared with just anyone. You understand your worth.
  6. You can share your pain with others who can be trusted. You know that it’s okay to share your vulnerabilities because it is the beginning of relationship.
  7. Your stability is in your identity of being a child of God, not in what you do or achieve, but in the unconditional love of Jesus.

It took me a long time to put my guard down and trust people, to learn to ask for help. The first time I asked my mom for help I was sobbing because I felt so ashamed. All my life, I was independent and could do everything on my own but it was the beginning of learning to be a child of God.

You don’t receive what you don’t believe you deserve. You receive in life what you believe you deserve. 

So when you live out of an orphan mindset, you don’t believe God can freely give you anything so you work for it, you strive for it, you perform for it.

But when you realize you are a child of God, you learn to rest and receive it knowing Jesus paid the price for it. 

Example-

The prodigal son did not work for His Father’s love and acceptance, in fact he actually wasted his inheritance but received Grace from His Father, it was undeserved. This is grace, undeserved, unearned.

The elder son on the other hand worked for His Father out of obligation and felt bitter when the Father provided the best for His undeserving son. This is living under the law, working for God’s love.

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I’m Not Brave, He is Reliable

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I’m not brave, no not all the time.

I feel scared and tired. What is the future going to hold? I’m tired of putting my heart out there, open. I’m tired of approaching strangers, putting myself out there. There are times I feel my heart tense and unable to move on. I’ve been traveling with the spirit, relying on God alone. I have to trust completely. I trust God continually with the finances needed to continue.

It is in these moments I know I have to cry, to process.

I’m not brave, God is just reliable.

People always tell me you’re so brave to do that. I guess, but many times I do it scared. I do it knowing that God will back me up and He has not failed me once. 

Even at times when I’m completely lost in a foreign and even supposedly dangerous area, the Lord sent an angel to me to help me. These are often strangers.

In my honest I say to God “I’m scared as hell” and I cast my burdens on Him. 

So people ask me what my plans are, I don’t have plans, I have a God who I am following.

Total submission to the Spirit. Living in His power alone. 

I am just trusting on a God who is really 100% reliable. So don’t call me brave, call God reliable.

People don’t live in the miracles or walk in the power of the Spirit because they choose not to trust God. Favor and Grace is poured out when we have a need, and often times when we live in our own flesh- we make things happen on our own…so why do we need God?

When we can make things happen on our own, we don’t need God. And that is why some people I talk to say why should they believe in God? Why should they rely on Him?

I guess sometimes you need to be driven to your knees to see you need God.

As for me, I have seen that my ways led me to nowhere, to only striving and stress, to sickness. 

I don’t live a safe life, I live a bold life.

Everyday I have no idea what will happen. It’s an adventure. Sometimes I meet challenges and I’m like God, I can’t but then He says “with me all things are possible”.

I wrote this on my facebook the other day. I was scared, oh yah. There was a storm coming to Thailand and two flights to Kuala Lumpur had already been canceled. 

Wow. What happened today was like a whirlwind. I prayed for a few people in the morning- so I got to the airport, suddenly the gate was changed, then the flight was canceled. Then I met a kind man named jimmy.
I was praying God let us fly!
I pray for a sick girl.
An hour later, I’m sitting down and a Filipino lady sits near me. I tell her I’m a missionary and offer to pray for her. I’m praying and keep hearing “new chapter and hope restored” she’s weeping and I’m rubbing her back praying over her. I would not have met her if my flight wasn’t canceled as she was waiting for another flight.

Moments later I hear the staff announcing something I run over and she says only the first 40 shall board the next flight.

I’m like Jesus.
I get in. 4 hours later we are on our next flight. I sit next to an Aussie and find he is christian. I pray over him and see him flying and beginning again, he says he just moved and bought a house.

Moments later I notice a Chinese man is groaning. I ask him what’s wrong he says he has flight anxiety so I pray over him and tell him Jesus is watching over him. He can’t even eat. But after some words, he’s calm and eats. He is better. I said I see an angel on this flight, God will not let anything happen.

A girl on the plane tells his dad she had nightmares and I offer to pray for her. Her dad says okay.
So it’s too late and I can only carpool with someone so I ask for Jimmys help. But I try to get money from an ATM and my card doesn’t work. For some reason. Then jimmy says – come I’ll send you home and we carpool on a grab. Favor. Favor. Favor.

55 O death, where is your victory?
    O death, where is your sting?[a]

56 For sin is the sting that results in death, and the law gives sin its power. 57 But thank God! He gives us victory over sin and death through our Lord Jesus Christ. 1 Corinthians 15:55-57

 

Sow a seed into the kingdom of Heaven and souls, thank you in advance and to all those who have already given! 

Bangkok – Black Haired Singer

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SO I had many divine appointments but none like this one.

After a lot of distractions and battling lies (see previous post), I had some major breakthroughs spiritually and just when I needed it, donations came in to keep me doing God’s work.

After I praised God, met a Chinese Christian in my room, prayed with her on the floor, I felt a sudden urgency to go eat.

It was around 7pm. The Lord said “Go to Khaosan Rd”. So I went, I walked past this restaurant I walked past before (which was playing christian music), but tonight there was someone playing guitar and singing.

God had given me a vision of a black haired person. I looked at the menu and was like, “it’s a bit overpriced” but the Lord was like “that’s why donations came in and also there is someone you need to pray for”, so I went.

I sat down and the Lord was like it’s him.

I suddenly had a vision of the singer praising Jesus and there were thousands of Thai people praising Jesus in song. It was so beautiful.

I started clapping for him and he would look back at me.

Later the Lord said he was going to go on break and to catch him when he does go on break. Right when I finished eating, he stopped and started packing up.

I yelled “ARE YOU FINISHED? Come sit”. And he said he would after he packed.

Well, he went the restroom and when he came out I stopped him. I said, you have amazing talent. I just wanted to tell you that I could see you praising Jesus and singing. He said “well I’m Buddhist, though I do believe in Jesus too”.

After talking a bit he laughed “actually I have a cross tattoo, my ex was a Christian”. He said ever since they broke up, he feels so free and he could give love to people.

I prayed over him and told him that God sent me to him.

He told me that his ex band member stopped singing to open a bar because he could not become successful or famous from it and I said “when you follow Jesus, when you sing for God- God will provide everything you need”. But when you sing to make yourself famous, you will fail or not be happy. 

Praise God for this divine encounter. Please pray for him 🙂

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Prophetic Word – Show Yourself, Show Who You Really Are.

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So yesterday I had a dream where people started writing about me and texting me. I was becoming famous but I was in deep water and asking someone if it was okay that I was wearing leather boots, will they be comfortable or ruined in water?

Then another dream was that there were 3 animals but this guy said “it’s mine and it’s my grandma’s and I have to keep it in my garage”- referring to the past.

SO then I was telling my friend this dream and she said “just remember to relax in your own skin”.

Then I fell asleep again and then all of a sudden I had this HUGE realization.

Yesterday I met a Muslim girl from Indonesia in the bathroom. I told her how it was REALLY IMPORTANT THAT she WRITE what she FELT, not just WHAT PEOPLE WANT TO HEAR because HER STORY MATTERS AND HER VOICE MATTERS. 

SHE CAN CHANGE HER NATION WITH HER WORDS.

She told me how in her country you can get imprisoned for simply joking about “having a bomb on an airplane” but I was talking about how in America you can say you want to chop off the President’s head and it’s okay because “yes it’s really that free” I told her.

She told me how when she is with relatives she is even shy about showing her neck area since she wears a head covering.

In the bathroom, she said “it’s okay, you can see me” and she took off her head covering. 

Her hair was beautiful, she had dyed it partially blonde and for some reason, I felt a sigh a relief. 

Is this how it feels to show your skin? To finally allow others to see the real you? 

To not hide anymore, who you are, what you look like, what you think. To not be afraid of judgement, rejection, imprisonment even.

The truth is I’ve been battling insecurities at times too. For example, feeling like I have a double chin, this is my insecurity at times. And I have to come back to God and hear Him say “you are enough, you are beautiful just the way you are”. 

We live in a world that tells us WHO to be, What to think, and even WHAT to say to be accepted. We get hunted down when we don’t say something that is either politically correct or that “offends” someone.

You will offend someone no matter what you say and who you are. Someone will find you offensive. People find me offensive in various parts of Asia because I am blunt. 

But as a prophet, I have to brave and bold and say what’s on my mind because God’s light and truth must be spoken to pierce the darkness and lies that people believe in.

Show yourself, show who you really are. 

That night I got really frustrated.

I said “God I am so ready to just speak in front of thousands of people and be a voice for the voiceless and to FREE people from oppression, I am SO TIRED of seeing people living under oppression and this FEAR of rejection and judgement. NO MORE SHAME LORD!”

Ever since I was young I saw myself speaking in front of thousands and millions of people, I saw myself writing books and shedding light into the darkest hearts. Now I am doing it but on smaller scale and a part of me feels impatient but I know God’s timing is perfect.

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I pray what I write and speak will bring freedom to people. 

You are not a slave to society and what society thinks of you, you are free. In Christ Jesus.

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You Have The Right To Follow Your Heart

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One of the things I find very disturbing about what some Christians teach is that they hide under the guise or the “covering” of the church and do not have opinions or trust that God is speaking to them.

So they move only in the direction of what they’re told by leaders in the church and no longer have a mind of their own.

As someone who hears God and follows His voice I often meet Christians who say “wouldn’t it be better if you went with someone else” or a group?

As though Jesus in me is not enough and if the signs and miracles that God has worked through me isn’t evident of His presence in me and in my life. 

I am often reminded of the pharisees who saw the miracles and signs yet still doubted that God could really work through one person.

They are essentially saying “you can’t trust that God can speak to one individual or work miracles through one person”.

In fact this thinking is ancient.

It’s like having a catholic priest to “confess” your sins to and atone for your sins.

But Jesus’ BLOOD IS enough.

So many Christians are taught not to trust their heart and because of this, we do not see manifestations of God as much as God intended.

The reason I see God working through me is because I trust that IT IS God speaking to me and I act upon it. 

God puts every desire in your heart and ONLY BY listening to it will you essentially be listening to the spirit.

Leaders in the church have systematically taken “power” away from people by teaching this lie- that God only works through groups, not individuals and that their hearts are not to be trusted.

You see ONE head of that group who controls them and “corrects” them when they’ve gone astray.

This IS THE RELIGIOUS SPIRIT, a demonic spirit that entraps people and gets them forever stuck, to not have any voice or thought of their own but to be a mere robot that merely listens to a person or group herd mentality.

It says in the BIBLE that you have the mind of Christ when you receive Him into your heart.

GOD IS NOT AGAINST OUR DESIRES, HE PUTS DESIRES IN OUR HEARTS AND IT IS HIS LEADING. 

If a man was to follow the Spirit people probably wouldn’t QUESTION that GOD is working through him, but for some reason as a woman, I have tons of people asking me that maybe I should find a person to go with, that God should send my husband so I’m not alone out here on the field (in whatever country I am in).

HEY GUYS! 

I’M NOT ALONE! I WAS NEVER ALONE. JESUS IS MORE PRESENT THAN ANY HUMAN BEING ON THIS EARTH.

AND HE IS WORKING POWERFULLY THROUGH ME. AND I DO NOT FEEL ALONE, though I may feel misunderstood, I SAY I AM THE RIGHTEOUSNESS of CHRIST JESUS, I AM ENOUGH IN CHRIST JESUS.

After I struggled with thoughts of lack because someone asked if I should maybe go with someone- I suddenly had all these revelations about being enough. Even in this way. Following your heart and trusting that GOD is the one in you leading you, I decided to get a henna tattoo as a reminder.

And yes that is a mosquito bite. LOL.

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YOU ARE FREE, not a slave.

You are free, you are enough because of what Jesus did on the cross for you.

I had a remembrance of when I left a certain church because of legalism that someone said “I wish you came and prayed with us”.

What she really meant was “I wish I had the chance to change your mind, control you because I want you to stay and take over the worship team because I am the one leaving”.

God had already spoken to me “you’ve reach your limit here, it’s time to move on”.

Where the Spirit of the Lord is there is freedom.

Even if someone doesn’t agree with you, it’s important to listen to what your heart is telling you.

The traditional and ancient church have suppressed women by telling them that they cannot have their own thoughts or even preach. They are much mistaken and it is the PURE work of the Devil, not God. In fact there were many prophetesses in the Bible. Jesus always came to liberate women, not to judge or condemn them.

When everyone tried to condemn a prostitute, He forgave and freed them. He protected them. 

I pray that this post will set you free to know that your heart is worth listening to and it is God speaking.

Sow a seed to this ministry and the work I am doing overseas to share the grace of God and bring healing to people. Your help is much appreciated and God sees your generosity! 

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Prophetic Word- Let Go of What’s Not Working So You Can Receive The New

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Here’s the story.

Today I got back to the hostel really excited to do my laundry. But then this happened- the washer wouldn’t open after my clothes were done being washed.

I tried hard to open it but realized I needed to give up quick. In Korea my clothes got stuck in the washer and I ended up having to leave them. This time there was someone who could help me but I needed to wait so while I was waiting for the manager, I was hit with a revelation.

If you never let go of old clothes, you don’t have room for new clothes when you’re traveling because when you travel, it will actually COST YOU MONEY (It will cost you to hold onto past hurts, old wounds, unforgiveness, old ways of thinking, fear, anger, bitterness, the past) TO bring on EXTRA BAGGAGE! 

Most airlines only give you either one or two carry on and for international flights, one baggage. There is also a limit to how much you can bring onto the flight. For international flights it is 20 kg. 

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Guess what?

You will be weighed down emotionally and spiritually if you don’t let go of the past. 

If there is extra luggage (baggage) in your heart, you won’t be able to step into the new season ready to receive the new things. 

If you don’t let go of your past relationship (or bitterness about it) you can’t go into a new relationship with room to receive the love you are looking for.

Here’s what God said
“some people are NOT willing to throw out things that AREN’T WORKING because they feel like they WASTED so much money on it already”.

You say- “IT COST ME TOO MUCH already!” It cost you too much time, it cost you too much energy, it cost you me too much heartache!

For example, your clothes were really expensive or cost a lot of money but you never wear it….it’s costing you space.

JUST LIKE a relationship that isn’t working IS COSTING YOU EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL SPACE, and EVEN space where another person is supposed to be.

JUST LIKE an old mindset which isn’t working is costing you space, depression, fear, limited beliefs.

YOU feel like “I ALREADY SPENT SO MUCH TIME or money on it, I’m not willing to give it up, I ALREADY GOT HEART BROKEN OVER THIS, I can’t break it off”.

GOD’s LIKE YO! WAKE UP!

If you’re not WEARING it, it’s not worth keeping it because it is emotional SPACE.

Don’t get weighed down, God wants us to live in freedom. And that means being willing to let go when it is time.

Some people will not allow you to let go of them when it’s time, but it’s your life and you need to set boundaries for what you want in life.

I remember waking up one day and realizing that I wanted to have a heart committed to my future husband so I deleted and unfollowed every guy I ever had feelings for.

If you want what God has for you, you must be willing to let go of what isn’t for you. And be committed to trusting God and waiting for the right promises, the right people and refuse to settle for what’s lower than God intended.

Just as I waited for the manager to unlock the washer, so must we wait when things don’t happen right away. There’s no use in forcing something to open when God has a perfect timing for when He wants and is allowing something to happen. He knows when we are ready for it. Whatever it is.

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Spiritual Revolution

PROPHETIC WORD AND DECLARATION-
Here is a MAJOR awakening happening in China. A lot of people I talk to ACTUALLY have vivid DREAMS every single night. They might not believe in God but THE L#RD is speaking. I feel really grateful to be part of this awakening as I’m a fire starter, a match to the revolution.

After talking to 4 guys in the kitchen until 2 in the morning, p4@ying for some of them I had a vivid dream.

THE DEVIL hates what I’m doing.

In the dream people are partaking of a buffet and eating. They eat so much that they fall asleep, when they fall asleep, the devil with blue skin and white clothes choke people to death. Each person is in front of a TV screen in their own cubicle. I start warning people but there is so much distraction, people start talking and trying to SHUT ME UP!

I finally get one person aside and warn them.

In the dream witches dressed in black start chasing me and I feel dizzy in the dream (witchcraft) I yell JESUS JESUS and I can’t wake up but I finally do.

THE TREND right now and the strategy of the ENEMY is to distract people to be so ENTERTAINED by media, that he is systematically BRAINWASHING people into thinking they are living the life they want when in fact, they actually FALL ASLEEP spiritually.

I see people on the PHONES ALL DAY. I see people walking on the subway with their phones, NEVER one minute leaving their phones.

It’s a way to actually numb their emotions.

BUT I SPEAK BREAKTHROUGH IN THE name of J@SUS.

YOU WILL NOT BE A SLAVE TO the brainwashing of media in J#sus name. You will be the ONE TO WARN OTHERS.

THE LIGHT WILL GET BRIGHTER IN THE END TIMES but the DARKNESS WILL GET DARKER TOO.

I DECLARE protection over all of God’s CHILDREN in J#SUS name. You need to be the one to SPEAK UP about injustices, about oppression and suppression. THERE IS A MAJOR AWAKENING HAPPENING OVER THE WORLD and WILL YOU BE THE ONE TO STEP UP and STOP HOLDING ONTO what you think will give you SAFETY!?

The world will end one day, will you drown in the distractions of the enemy or BE THAT WARRIOR to fight no matter what?

________________________________________

Last year my mom was going to ask her travel agent about going on a tour to China. I decided to go with her but decided to bring my passport because who knew?

Well, I ended up going.

But guess what, out of nowhere the travel agent said she wanted to give me a free visa to China, she believed that I was really a writer.

I didn’t really understand but I knew PAPA had made a way.

Now I understand that every prophetic word and writing is pivotal and essential to changing minds, hearts.

Do you know of any prophet going to China and prophesying?

Freedom comes from OVERCOMING FEAR.

I will not fear, I will rise and stand as I see the spiritual revolution unfold. Wherever and however G. Leads, I am ready.