I Left Everything To Follow Jesus Part 2

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I don’t want to overwhelm my readers so I don’t tell the truth. But the truth is it’s been very hard. I’ve cried everyday.

Imagine doing good, following Jesus and then being misunderstood. I don’t want to dwell on it, I want to let it go but I can’t seem to. The flashbacks, the people, the words just come at me.

I sold everything to follow Jesus in 2015 and started going where Jesus led me to. I first went to Hawaii for 2 weeks and stayed with a sister there, then I came back and had no place to stay and ended up staying with another sister for 5 months. I started unofficially training people in the prophetic as I stayed with them.

In 2018, after 2 years of resting and preparing spiritually for the journey ahead (which I had no idea would look like this), I left Los Angeles and went to Taiwan. In Taiwan I thought I would stay for a year (to get to know my dad) or so but God said “keep going, now you will gather the lost sheep”. I went to Korea first and found myself waking up at 5 am to pray for backpackers that were checking out. The prophesies came in visions and words. Many were not Christian and were amazed by the words and confirmations.

I met a Muslim girl at a restaurant and I could always sense it, God would tell me “go speak to her”. Sometimes I’d be scared but eventually she crossed over to my table to get napkins. We started talking. As we were hanging out she said she had a stomachache and I asked to pray over it.

“Is it okay for a Muslim to get prayed over by a Christian?” 

I said yes of course. After laying hands on her stomach and praying for her, she noticed the pain went away, it was immediate. This opened the door for me to share my testimony.

One time I needed money to stay at the hostel for the next day and contacted a good friend of mine but she said that she was learning to be financially responsible and couldn’t help. In that moment I felt really abandoned and questioned God’s goodness. I also felt like she was blaming me for “not being financially responsible” when in fact I was simply following God’s instructions and directions. Things like this would happen on the road where I really questioned God’s direction and goodness when I felt misunderstood or rejected. 

I told her that honestly I felt like a martyr sometimes.

I compared myself to her. I said that I felt like a martyr because I was out here with a suitcase not knowing where I was going to stay tomorrow (and not having the finances to stay anywhere yet) while she was married and had just bought a house. I could imagine people back home enjoying their couch and watching netflix while I was in a hostel room with 10 other people. Why did I have to be the one to be out here reaching the lost when others were back home living their comfortable lives? It did not seem fair to me.

Yes, I admit it, I felt like a martyr. But that was also Satan using everything he could to accuse and attack me with the spirit of lack so that I felt I was lacking in some way. 

I woke up this morning thinking of all the negative things that happened and God was like “you need to write it down”. I realize I don’t talk about my experiences enough and I need to…not because I’m reciting “woe is me” stories but because somehow I find my strength in these stories. I’m not just a normal person, I’m a woman who went through hardships to follow Jesus.

Sometimes when I talk to people, I find myself unable and unwilling to talk about my experiences on the road. I feel like it will overwhelm them too much or make them feel bad for me. And I don’t want pity, I want them to know they are enough in Christ Jesus and anything is possible if they’re willing to follow Jesus.

My job is to set people free from fear, from the fear of rejection, lack and judgement, from the fear of the unknown. Because I’ve gone there and back, hell and high waters. 

When I tell them I went to South Africa with $20 in my pocket, their jaws drop. When I tell them I was on the road with my suitcase following God with $5 left and asking strangers for help while prophesying over them, they say “I would never be able to do that”.

I had to confront fear in the face. And sure it was scary. But what people fear I don’t fear much. Why? Because I’ve been through the fire. 

  1. An hour before my flight departure I was going from Bali to Perth, well apparently I didn’t have a visa. I also did not have a working phone so in that moment I had to borrow a French couples’ phone to register for an Australian e-visa. Miraculously the e-visa went through in 10 minutes.
  2. I landed in New Zealand, hoping to safely arrive at my hostel but then they said I booked the wrong dates. It’s 3 am in the morning and I’m walking around the streets with no where to stay. I visit every hotel and they are fully booked due to a festival. I end up praying for drunk teenagers. Finally I visit a hotel where the Nepalese man told me he reads the Bible and a miracle happened….he let me book a room they usually reserve for emergencies. 
  3. One night at a hostel I was hearing my roommates have nightmares. The next day 2 of the bunkmates accepted Jesus into their hearts. This was in Hong Kong. I was really pissed that I didn’t get good sleep but was praying in tongues at night. Who knew that it was because there was spiritual warfare happening because two of the girls would accept Jesus into their hearts. 

More stories to come……..

What you can do for me.

  1. Pray – pray for my heart and pray for my body to be healed of any and all traumas. Pray for the seed of the word of God to be sown deep into fertile hearts.
  2. Give- Give to the continuing work of sharing the gospel with those God calls me to reach. Funds goes towards finances that are needed for transportation, such as uber rides and food, where I usually have divine appointments. God always gives me a divine appointment on an uber ride. It has been very fruitful. Thank you for your partnership-

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

zelle-rebekkalien@gmail.com

 

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How To Overcome The Fear Of People and Lack

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Here are examples overcoming the fear of people:

  1. You’re getting a massage and the pressure is not enough or it’s too much- you’re afraid to speak up and you don’t. The opposite spirit is to boldly say what you need.

Here are real life examples I’ve gone through-

  • One time I was getting a massage at an airport and the ac was blowing on my head so I was really cold. I asked to move and they said no. I asked several times until they allowed me to move. The whole room was staring at me, I could feel their thoughts. But no, I was not going to back down. The staff was probably talking crap about me, but no I was not comfortable and needed to OVERCOME the spirit of fear in that room.
  • I was in San Francisco and my neighbors were really loud, had the tv blasting so I talked to the receptionist and HE WAS AFRAID to confront the tenants so I went to each door to ask them to be quiet but some of them got really angry and started yelling. The spirit of fear CAME AGAINST ME where I was afraid to KNOCK ON PEOPLE’S DOORS BUT I DID IT because there was no way I could sleep. 
  • I was in New Zealand at a staff dorm room and one guy was really hot, I don’t know why, it was super cold at that time. I kept closing the door and finally he screamed at me and started cussing. I walked out of that room and started crying. God gave me a way out and the next day I left that hostel before my work term was over since I was there to work in trade for accommodation. I told the boss that it was a TOXIC WORK ENVIRONMENT.
  • One time I went to a Thai restaurant and the food was way too sweet. God said “ask to exchange it” so I did. The lady got really mad. Again, it was too sweet the second time so I spoke up. Again she got mad. I was courteous and polite but also firm. I came against that spirit of intimidation by SPEAKING MY MIND in love.

I HAVE THOUSANDS OF STORIES, some WAY MORE INTENSE THAN OTHERS.

What I’ve learned IS THAT I CANNOT BE AFRAID TO SPEAK MY MIND. NOT IN A MEAN WAY BUT IN A WAY THAT SAYS NO, I need to get what I want because WHAT PEOPLE THINK WILL ALWAYS TRY TO COME AGAINST YOU. 

YOU KNOW IT’S FEAR WHEN:

  1. You feel immobilized
  2. You feel suffocated
  3. You feel like you are holding back
  4. You feel like you can’t breathe
  5. You can’t speak

I BREAK OFF THE SPIRIT OF FEAR.

THE ONLY WAY TO BREAK OFF FEAR IS TO DO! DO WHAT GOD TELLS YOU! 

This morning the Lord had me give to someone then ask them to sow whatever amount back, they did. But then I heard God say do it again.

It might seem strange to some people but once I did it, I felt fear and the fear of lack (not being enough and also fear of what people think) BREAK OFF IN THAT INSTANT.

WHAT GOD CALLS YOU TO DO MAY BE STRANGE AND CRAZY BUT WHEN YOU DO IT YOU WILL BE FEARLESS! 

You know what people who MOVE TO THE NEXT LEVEL HAVE – at each level they are called to live in LESS FEAR OF PEOPLE. It’s THE CRAZY ONES that have no fear of men that actually live to their fullest potential.

Today I’m asking you to give to this ministry and be part of a FEARLESS GENERATION THAT WON’T LIVE IN FEAR BUT IN THE BOLDNESS AND FREEDOM OF Jesus Christ!

Thank you for your support and love!

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Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

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A Homeless Prophet Finding Home

I told my friend that I didn’t feel welcomed anywhere. I was overseas ministering all over the world, impacting lives, praying over thousands of people and telling them about Jesus but when I come home all I get is yelling and accusation from my mother. I wanted to rest but I started to find myself trying to prove myself, trying to do more because her constant nagging made me feel insufficient.

I felt homeless. Like I wasn’t welcomed anywhere.

So I felt like running again when I got home (LA). I didn’t have a home. I felt like a homeless prophet. 

That has been the hardest thing for me. I wanted to go home but it didn’t feel like home. 

So I started to see how God would bring me to people who were homeless or felt like orphans. My friend said she saw me teaching the gospel to orphans and I started crying.

Bring the lost sheep home, I’ve been doing that for 2 years and the aching in my heart 💜 is when I literally can now sit next to someone and feel what they are feeling.

I was on the plane and asked this Korean man if he was okay. He said “why? do you feel something?”

“Yes, you seem very sad”.

He said “well I am 49 and when you are 50 in Korea, everything goes down hill”. Even though he was also a Christian, his mindset was culturally Korean.

I said that is not true and I said that God was his provider and that He would take care of him. He told me that he is trying to be a good Christian and I told him that in God’s eyes He is perfect because of Jesus’ sacrifice. He had tears in his eyes.

My heart is for those who feel rejected and burnt out. I met a woman in Seoul who told me that she wishes she could go home to a normal family. She feels accused of when she is home so she decided to go to Korea for one year. She was cleaning the beds in the hostel. I could feel the pain in her heart because I felt like that.

I told her the next day that she actually wanted to go home. She said “of course but I cannot, I don’t feel safe at home”.

There are so many young people who don’t feel loved and accepted by their family. Another woman on the train told me she only sees her mom twice a year because they don’t get along. She said she doesn’t want to get married and she is okay living alone. She says she never goes out. I told her how I started to tell my mother how I feel and that it’s brought release and healing to my heart.

She became quiet, she looked at me. It’s like looking into a mirror. She nodded. 

I can tell when I meet a wounded person, I can feel what they are feeling. And what will happen is that I will cry for them and with them. I know when I see a lost sheep, I know when I see someone who has been rejected. Because I am looking into a mirror. 

I have a heart for the orphans, those who feel outcasted by their own family.

I know how it feels to feel unwelcomed in your own home.

I’m learning to be open and just tell my mother how I feel.

To the lost sheep-

I have not forgotten you. I am here. I am with you.  You don’t have to do anymore. You don’t have to strive. You can rest with me. You don’t have to run, you are home with me. I love you very much, you are enough. While everyone will tell you you’re not enough, I will tell you, you are enough. Come home with me. You are home, you can rest now. 

Jesus.

https://anchor.fm/rebekka-lien

Consider giving a donation to bring lost sheep home- thank you! The money goes toward transportation (as I do uber ministry), food and sometimes accomodation, sometimes God also tells me to give the money to those in need. In God’s timing I am looking for a house to have house church meetings and to live in. In this church we will welcome the spiritually weary, who are tired of trying and tired of being told what to do. In this church, people can cry and sleep, they won’t have to strive, they know they are enough and accepted in God’s eyes. Here their hearts will find rest and they will be home. I won’t talk about theology or tell people what to do, they can rest and they can find solace in God’s love. They will be welcomed by a spiritual mother, and one day a spiritual father and we will just sit and be with them. They won’t have to please us, they will find identity in Christ Jesus. 

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Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

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I Try To Be Enough, But I Forget I’m Already Enough In God’s Eyes

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I tried to be enough. I tried to please my mother. I tried to be a good daughter. I tried to be a good friend. I tried all my life but I learned from God that I am enough. That when God sees me He only sees Jesus.

But it’s easy to forget and it’s easy for that voice of condemnation to say “you should feel bad because they are mad at you”, “you should feel guilty because you’re not doing enough”.

Their (whoever they are) happiness does not depend on you and other people are not your responsibility.

It’s hard when you are in ministry though, you start to feel their problems weigh down on you. And then multiply that with your own family. 

And then you just need to crawl into a safe space with Jesus and pile the non-responsibilities to one side and say “God it’s yours, not mine”. 

I am not responsible for my mother’s abandonment issues. I am not responsible for taking care of anyone. I am a prophet so I relay the message, but I am not a therapist. My job is to point people to Jesus. I am not anyone’s savior. 

Lord today take our burdens, show us how to rest in your grace. Your rest is perfect God, we are the ones who don’t know how to cast our burdens to you.

We think we are god and we try to figure everything out. Sometimes I try to be in control and I don’t even know it. I try to figure things out by asking God “what should I do now” instead of going with the flow….as if I’m not doing enough or I’m always on assignment. But what about me? What do I want. I forget that I have desires and that God works with my desires.

Your desires matter.

Period. 

Not for function or form, but just because you are meant to be happy. 

I’ve met so many women on the road and in LA that subjugate themselves to unhealthy marriages. They suppress their own desires to please their husband or stay in a marriage/ relationship that is abusive or void of any emotional connection. 

They’re shocked when I say “I heard ‘get a divorce'”.

But isn’t divorce a sin? They ask?

Isn’t being unloved in a unhealthy marriage a sin? It’s a sin to be unloved.

Okay, I just put it this way. No, Jesus died on the cross for your sins so that when God sees you, He only sees Jesus. So He does not see SIN in you anymore. HE WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY AND DO NOT PUNISH YOURSELF FOR CHOOSING THE WRONG GUY. Sure they may change, but if they choose not to that’s another story. If he is abusing you, run. 

There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

For some reason Christians think that it is okay to suffer for a long time when God actually wants you to be happy. We forget that. God actually is a good father who wants a good life for you. WHOA.

“I just have to pray more right?” One woman asked me.

“No, God said he is a rock weighing your ankles down”.

“Well I did not expect to hear that”.

A few months later one woman told me she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her.

Love is longsuffering, but don’t suffer for the wrong guy my friends. God does not call us to submit to people who are pigs. It says “don’t throw your pearl to pigs”.

Choose a man who will honor you and respect you.

Would you consider partnering with me financially to bring the gospel of grace to those who feel condemned? 

https://www.gofundme.com/korea-grace-mission-trip

Give a donation- thank you!

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Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

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Prophetic Word- Giving Up Your Isaac, Trusting God And Not The Outcome

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Yesterday was a whirlwind for me. The night before I woke up and felt God say that I needed to cancel my flight, and that I should drive to New York with my friend. I saw us visiting different people throughout the states. I texted her that and then deleted it in the morning as I was having doubts. She told me God also told her the same.

She had tried to convince her dad but he was not budging. He was withholding the keys from her and maybe even mentioned that I may be a false prophet. I’m not bothered by it because I know it’s not true.

I was tired all day trying to figure things out. The truth is God had showed me signs of New York everywhere, through t-shirts, signs. He told me to book a flight to New York, then He told me to book a flight to Korea, then another. Whenever the finances came in for it, I obeyed and booked the one way flights (the flights almost add up to $1000). But I was also asking God “but what if you change plans on me?”

This has happened before. One time I had a flight booked to Paris and I woke up from a dream where He told me to go to China. Turns out I ended up meeting a girl in Beijing who had the same story. She was redirected to go to China when she was going somewhere else, she had to change several flights to do it.

But most flights I book are non-refundable. So of course I had doubts.

Yesterday I felt a well of energy and thought “why do I have to wait for other people, just go!”

So I went. At first I thought I would sleep at the korean spa but when the uberpool driver stopped to pick someone up at Union Station, I suddenly felt God say to go to the airport. So I asked to get off and paid for a flyaway ticket to LAX. I started having anxiety in the bus. When my friend texted me “even if you make the wrong decisions, God is still in it”. Somehow I felt set free of trying to make the “right decisions”.

Well, I even paid for a carry on (something I didn’t want to do before but somehow 2 of my friends sowed $31 and $23 that very day to cover the bag which was $49). I check in. I’m at the airport, it’s 10pm-11pm…I find a nook to sleep on the floor and suddenly I’m very tired.

“Why am I sleeping on the floor at an airport?” As I thought about the 15 hour trip that I’d have to take, well, 3 layovers…one in Denver, one in Vegas, one in Chicago. I was laying there and suddenly heard God say “go home”. I heard it a few times on the bus too but thought well, now I’m confused.

I call my friend in Europe. She tells me “it’s very normal to have confusion when you’re working with other people since you are experiencing their junk and vice versa”.

I’m like omg you’re right. So we pray and somehow I hear again “go home”.

But I don’t want to, my body is tired, I feel dead inside. God why? Why have me book flights and then tell me to cancel them. What a waste.

But I remember what He said to me “whatever done in faith is never a waste, and will be rewarded”. 

It’s not about the final result, or the success rate of things happening, it’s trusting God no matter how crazy it looks. 

So it’s 1 am and I walk out of the airport, having checked in, and I’m probably still checked in to the 3 flights I was going to go on. 

I take an uber home from the airport. In my mind I just wasted $100 going back and forth from the airport and paying for the bag. I know, I can’t get over why God would have me do that.

It doesn’t make sense right?

But God’s ways are not man’s ways. 

I had a few people tell me that they encountered redirection from God yesterday and it really confused them. They really started to question if they were even hearing God right.

Well here’s what I’m hearing-

“baby boy, baby girl,

Don’t look back. My ways are not your ways. My thoughts are not your thoughts. Don’t be afraid of failure. Don’t be afraid of closed doors. I want you TO TRY with all your might. I don’t want you to live life afraid. And sometimes I may ask you to wait and be patient. Sometimes I may ask you to step out in faith and maybe you won’t see a successful “ending” to the thing I’ve asked you to step out in faith on, but that’s all a part of trusting me and trusting that I am enough for you.

It’s not about getting there, it’s about walking with me through it all.

Do you trust me? Let go and surrender. It’s not on your shoulders to make the right decisions. I want you to be a child and never be afraid to fail, never be afraid to try. I’m a good father, I won’t fail you. See some of you try to put your hope in a person or a trip, or ministry, or a career, or a job….but put your trust in me. 

It’s not about the success rate my friend, it’s about knowing you are enough no matter what happens. Even if you will no longer be the “supposed love of your life”. Even if you lose money from flights canceled. Even if God has you quit a job you thought you liked“.

I had a dream that I was sitting at a table and I moved farther to see the board clearer (but I stepped in between two people talking). And someone from Kim Kardashian’s family said “why did you interrupt the man to sit here”. Say “sorry”. So I said “sorry” but continued sitting there.

Sometimes you have to move away from the “goal” to see clearer. God is giving you 20/20 vision right now. The funny thing is when I was on the bus, I remembered I left my contact lens at home. This has happened a few times recently. I left my contact lens at my friend’s house.

The truth is……God has me in a season where I am training up leaders, pioneers. But their problems sometimes overwhelm me. I feel like a free bird but sometimes when I train others up, I feel the weight of their burdens or the weight of their chains. I want to set them free immediately but I know it’s a process too on their end. And so perhaps the truth is – I wanted to run, run ahead, run away and not have to feel responsible for them. It’s easier to be alone I think. Sometimes I don’t feel capable. I want to live a normal life where I don’t have to help anyone. 

“Why do you think I set you free?” God says to me.

“It’s to set others free”.

Okay well maybe sometimes I don’t feel up to the task and maybe I don’t want to set boundaries, and maybe I don’t know how. That’s why I say “I want to be alone” because when you’re alone you don’t have to tell anyone anything. You don’t have to speak your mind, you can sit comfortably and mind your own business. 

But when you have other people involved, you have to learn to set boundaries, you have to learn to speak up, you have to be honest, you have to say sorry sometimes, you have to be considerate of others.

When you’re alone, it’s too easy. You have no one else to consider and it’s awesome. But you also don’t have anyone to love or to be supported by. And I feel maybe I’m scared I’ll be bogged down by their problems, and not know how to say no or to say “hey I need time for myself” because that has been the case in the past growing up with a single mom. 

I was sitting there at the airport and suddenly the intercom said “if you need help ask Matt Damon, cuz he has no friends”.

It pierced me. Okay God. What the heck.

Many of us have been longing for friends but when we get them we are overwhelmed that we don’t know how to be ourselves and speak our truth in that relationship. So we hide, we run. The same cycle of broken relationships.  

God wants us healed.

I was telling my friend that when God told me to go to Taiwan God told me to book a flight ticket on my credit card in faith, He said someone would pay for it. 

I sat my mom down and told her I was going as I already booked a ticket, I didn’t know how long I was going to be gone for. That’s it. It wasn’t even an option that I stayed. If God told me to go, I was going even if it meant I had to just trust Him for the finances (since I didn’t have anything saved up lest $20).

She ended up paying for my flight and even though she didn’t talk to me for 2 days, a wall was broken.

I’ve done many things like that. Going to South Africa with $20 in my pocket and that’s where God had me start my ministry, on facebook.

One time I had a layover in LA, and I had another flight continuing. I probably had a few bucks in my wallet, but I would’ve still gone if my mom said no. I knew God would provide either way.

This is a season where God is redirecting us into community. SO it may be scary and daunting.

This is a season of big faith….and this faith may be letting go of a plan or vision God gave you, you know giving up your Isaac. 

Do you trust God for the best?

He has your best interest in mind.

What is your Isaac? What do you need to let go? Is it control? Is it the outcome?

Give-

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Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

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Let’s Talk About Love & My Heart

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Write your heart out- I hear the Lord saying.

So I went to get a manicure as it’s been something I’ve been wanting to do. I take a long time to pick the colors I like. Today I took out blue, purple, pink, she started to put purple on and I flinched. I didn’t like the color. I said, can I try blue? After 4 different colors I said I wanted bright pink. She became impatient.

I felt bad for making her mad (even though I waited an extra 30 minutes for my appointment).

Then I had a book of nails and suddenly it fell to the ground, and a bunch of the samples fell out. One of the manicurist had to match the samples one by one back into the book.

Again, I felt bad but kept thinking “I am righteous in Christ Jesus”. I apologized.

Then all of a sudden, I realized I was a perfectionist. Like, I wanted to choose the perfect color but for some reason, I couldn’t find the one I wanted and I try really hard to find the “perfect color” or perfect decisions. 

Then a realization hit me. I had stopped trusting my heart. I totally forgot that I went through a heart break this year. I’m going to be super honest from now on. 

I met a guy in Fiji and really liked him. But it was short lived because we lived in different places (well I live all over the world). In an instant, I thought “f it, I’m just going to love someone and not be afraid to get hurt”.

But of course, like one of those sad romances, there was always an ending. I thought he was going to visit me before he left but then after rushing to his hotel to say goodbye, I learned he had already left because he realized his flight was 5 am in the morning. I was disappointed and thought, well, I actually rushed over like in the movies but in reality, life is not like the movies. 

I also knew that he wouldn’t be my husband because he didn’t believe in Jesus and we were just in very different phases of our lives too, so I knew in my heart that it was not going to last.

Then when I went to India, I met another guy I liked. I said again, I just want to make new friends and we liked each other. Again, I knew I had to go, it was an experience for God to open my heart because I had stopped dating shortly after I broke up with my ex in 2014. In fact, there was a season I didn’t talk to any potential partners, I told God I was going to focus on Him (all my previous attempts to date revealed to me that until I knew my worth, I’d never meet the one who could love me the way God sees me).

I told God “heal me so I can understand what I’m worth and who I am”.

I didn’t want to go searching for love in the wrong places when I was still broken inside. I knew I’d just keep meeting guys who were also broken and searching for love in the wrong places (me, and not God). 

About a year ago, before I started doing ministry God gave me a dream where He was showing me different pictures of men and swiping (like on Tinder)- then I heard Him say “get ready”. I also had dreams where I was wearing a wedding dress on an airplane and God was preparing me for marriage.

But I kind of thought, God wouldn’t it be so much easier if you just bring that ONE MAN, so I don’t have to get hurt?

God – there is risk in love, no love is without pain. Otherwise it wouldn’t be love. I wanted you to open your heart up to love, love is messy and risky. Love is not a final destination but a journey. Just because you meet that one person doesn’t mean you’ll not have pain in your life. 

No matter what life brings you will need to have an open heart so you can experience both the pain and joys of life. A closed heart does not experience love or pain, it is numb. A closed heart sits at home and never battles disappointment, sadness, anger nor pain…

A hero, a warrior encounters every emotion. She/he doesn’t shy away from the battle called love and life.

You will get angry, you will get sad, you will be disappointed in life.

You will experience all kinds of hardship but all kinds of joys too.

If you are willing to trust God with your heart, He will tend to and care for your heart. He is in charge of taking care of your heart. He never abandons His children. 

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God- Hello Heart,

Heart- Hi.

God- Don’t be afraid of love. I know you’ve encountered heart break.

Heart- I’m tired of being disappointed.

God- Will you let me hold you?

Heart- okay.

God – Don’t be afraid, I’m right here. I won’t hurt you. I’m here always taking care of you. You can cry, let it out.

Heart- I’ve been abused and misunderstood, spat at. People misunderstand me and hurt me.

Jesus- I understand. I’ve been there. I came to save the ones that hurt me. It hurt my heart too. There are people that will hurt and judge you when you’re trying to set them free. They will misunderstand and reject you and in that moment you must remember, you are just like me. In fact I am there with you, hearing the words you are hearing. 

But then you must come to me and let me speak to your heart. Because I will tell you that you are loved and accepted by me, that there is nothing you can do that will make me love you less. 

My love is perfect. I don’t condemn or guilt trip you, I will never turn away from you. I always draw close to you, I will never run away from you. My love is perfect and complete. I will never scorn you for being imperfect. When I see you I only see Jesus, perfection and completion.

My experiences in friendships have often come with “trying to be perfect” for that person. I’d try really hard to always be there for them. I’d initiate and take time to be there for them, but was often taken for granted. I’d withstand being taken for granted and then suddenly have a moment of “THAT’S IT, I’M TIRED OF BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF” and suddenly disappear (ghost). I’d unfriend them or block them. That was my habit.

I felt that it was hard to meet people who actually cared for me. I felt that they were often dumping on me emotionally or only coming to me for emotional and spiritual help. Or they would want to “pick my brain”.

I kind of felt like a monkey, you know when a scientist would pick a monkey’s brain?

Later on, I learned to set boundaries and slowly learned to voice my needs and concerns in relationships. First, God would challenge me to ask people for donations. This sparked support and outrage. I had friends that were extremely offended and told me that they were offended. I felt extremely hurt. I said that when they needed help, they often came to me, but when I needed help, it seemed that I didn’t deserve it. 

It outraged me. 

Do you have friends like that? Where it’s constantly one-sided?

Fortunately, God has been mending those relationships lately. He has been showing me that I didn’t do anything wrong, I was simply listening to His instructions. 

I love Jesus because He often tells me to do things outside of my comfort zone but causes me to have healthy relationships in my life.

He longs for us to have relationships that are balanced, not just one-sided. I often felt drained and exhausted by relationships because I was giving so much of myself but was receiving very little of what I needed. It would show up in different areas of my life.

If I was giving too much of myself, I’d experience sickness in my body or shortage of finances. I’d be hosting networking events and be putting my drink on a credit card because I had no more cash. 

The wisdom and knowledge I give to people is worth so much more than money. Freedom cannot be bought by money. Freedom is experienced, often through the hardships we go through.

I am so grateful that God gave me the courage to ask people to sow, whether it’s emotionally, spiritually or financially.

It’s been a long journey. I think if I didn’t know God, I’d never understand my worth. Because there is no fear in love, perfect love casts out fear. 

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Freeing Christians From The Religious Spirit

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You are doing enough. You are enough. 

When Adam and Eve sinned, God said “where are you?” They were hiding because they realized they were naked. God wants us to be honest. 

I told my friend “it’s better that you are out there getting drunk, partying,”sinning” and doing what you want” then to be pretending and suppressing your desires like the religious pharisees. It’s one thing to do something or not do something out of conviction from the holy spirit (AND THAT IS BETWEEN YOU AND GOD!), but it’s another when you’re suppressing what you want to say or do because you feel that you’ll be punished. 

That is GOING to spark some offense in Christians.

That is what Jesus was talking about – He said “you guys are white and clean on the outside but inside you are vermin” (something like that). 

It is the Spirit of God that causes us to will and to do. (Philippians 2:3) Which means God gives us the desire and the action to do. You don’t have to monitor people and tell them what to do. That is control and control comes from fear. 

God has brought me to a level in my faith where I’ve experienced freedom from religion.

Religion- Feeling guilty if you don’t read your bible, if you don’t go to church, if you don’t pray….etc….that is religion. You feel condemned if you don’t or do something. You feel like there is no freedom to be yourself, you are always monitoring what you say or do. You feel like you have to be nice to people to “win them to Christ”. You feel like you can’t just have fun. You’re scared to be in certain environments because you fear that “you will stumble”. You’re scared to speak your TRUTH and be honest because you feel like it’s not Christ -Like.

Relationship- knowing that you are loved by God and that you are unpunishable because Jesus was punished on the cross for you. You live in freedom and you’re not scared of “other people’s sin” touching you because you are covered by the blood of Christ. You have freedom to dance, religious people don’t just “dance” because they don’t feel the freedom to. Again, religious people are always monitoring their actions to make sure they are doing the “right thing”. This is legalism. You are free to speak your mind without fear. Remember God sees no sin in you, He only sees Jesus. 

I had a dream last night I was in the same room with a girl. I noticed needles in my heart and as I took them out one by one, I felt pangs in my body. The needles represented accusation and were connected to pains in my body recently. When I got a massage yesterday the lady kept yelling relax relax, I noticed that I was clenching parts of my body like my butt and I couldn’t relax because the accusations were causing muscle tension. Accusation causes your body to clench up because it’s “getting ready to be spanked or punished”  for doing “bad”.

I had read and accepted her messages thinking that “I should” try to get along with other Christians and “be receptive” to correction or opinion, but after that dream I realize that God was asking me to guard my heart. Another girl was also telling me “you need fellowship or accountability”.

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But I’ve never shied away from God’s correction, He speaks to me directly about it. I’ve also always had Christian friends in my life to pray for me. 

But their words made me think I wasn’t enough and that I wasn’t doing enough. 

I realize that is why I hated those “religious” words. Because they are religion. I’ve always had a close relationship with God and kept my heart pure. And even if I don’t, forcing fellowship with believers is religion. 

If you feel like you have to listen to someone, it’s religion.

If you feel like you have to be somewhere to be more “holy”, it’s religion.

You are already whole and righteous in God’s eyes because of Jesus’ sacrifice. You are not trying to be more, you are not trying to better yourself, you are already whole.

You don’t need more people around you to “edify” you, you are whole as you are, alone, standing there. 

I really hate those religious words.

YOU ARE WHOLE ALL BY YOURSELF! 

The other accusations that came – “I wish someone went with you to follow Jesus”- soon I heard them as “you are not enough”. 

But that was a lie. God had called me to go with Him, not with anyone else. 

YOU ARE WHOLE ALL BY YOURSELF.

There is this one woman, also well-intentioned, she’d say something EVERY TIME I was going to the airport or going to a new city. Even though we’d talk it out, I realize I felt accused because there was accusation and control in her tone. Even though she may not have realized it. There was a religions spirit influencing her.

God trained me to go by myself so that I wouldn’t be influenced by different spirits like the spirit of witchcraft, which is control and comes from fear. 

If you believe I’m just a normal believer, then so be it. But if you believe that I’ve been highly trained by God and that I am a prophet that hears God, then you’ll perceive what I’m saying.

Romans 8:1-2 

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death”.

On my journey in the last year and a half, I got so focused on trying to help people understand why I’m free and why they’re free that I stopped having fun. Instead of just enjoying life, I started sitting by the side of the road explaining to those who were sitting by the side. Instead of living my life. 

As I explained to my friend, if someone keeps eating their own shit you can tell them “dude, you’re eating poop” but if they say “that’s fine, I don’t care I want to”, there’s nothing you can do but to move on.

Don’t sit there and watch them eat their poop, move on. 

My job is to prophesy and speak the truth and move on.

On a Korean tv show, this celebrity adopted a dog and he said that he has a disease where he thinks his poop is a toy since he was locked up in a cage all his life. He started to eat his poop because that’s all he saw.

Many believers go to church every sunday and have been taught “this is all there is”. You have to do this, you can’t wear a bikini, you have to wake up early to read the bible or else God will punish you. 

They are lies. 

God only sees Jesus in you. Go live life. 

When I left my baptist church, I went church hopping but on Sundays God started telling me just to rest. He said “just rest”. So I said okay God. I started to do things I wanted to do. I mean I’ve always been very free as I was left home alone at 5-6 years old and had no adult supervision. I snuck outside my house to buy toys at the store.

When I see people with controlling parents, even though they may seem close, they have no freedom. I had to learn my mom loves me in another way. 

I’m grateful I am experiencing the freedom of being a child of God and be secure in that truth while I’m living…not being afraid of punishment, but living in freedom. 

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