Prophetic Word – Break Off The Fear Of Lack

God spoke such a convicting word to me today.

He said –

“People pray for things but it’s because if they get it they won’t need me and it will add to their worth, which they think is lacking right now“.

And that’s a lie because Jesus’ sacrifice made you whole on the cross. So when God sees you He only sees Jesus, whole and unblemished.

Our prayers should be “the lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing”. That’s what I kept decreeing when I was on an island in Vietnam and didn’t know I was going to survive or even get off the island. I had less than $20 left. I was crying and really afraid. But I said God you said you are my shepherd and I lack nothing. That’s my reality.

When I was eating outside a man came by and later came back. I didn’t tell him my situation exactly but I told him I was being led by the spirit and doing it by faith. He turned out to be a believer and said he wanted to give. He was actually not wanting to withdraw money again because of atm fees, but God was really testing his trust in Him. He had a fear of lack and God sent me to show Him trust.

Our prayers shouldn’t be “God give us more money. It should be God I lack nothing, continue being my provider”.

I have a strong anointing to break off the “identity of lack” because I lacked all things in the natural. I followed the Holy Spirit to pastor lost sheep and didn’t even have enough money to pay for a hostel. God led me to where I needed to go as He told me to ask specific people on the road for help.

One guy at Macdonald’s made me feel ashamed for asking for help and I started crying.

God I am so ashamed.

I was so intimidated.

He said to me- “Do you know you are priestly royalty? And you are asking for his sake, not yours? Because he has a heart of stone and is not willing to bend? His heart has been closed for a long time and by asking you are (Jesus) knocking at his heart. Will you open and let me in? – I am saying to him”.

My job is hard as a prophet, I felt less than because of how the man responded. But God showed me again and again, you are my child. You’re my prophet. Don’t look at your circumstances, you are breaking hard spiritual ground. It was in a city in New Zealand where the youth I met at Macdonald’s told me it was highly racist and a stingy city. They were very judgemental there and didn’t like foreigners, yet it was a very religious city too.

The religious spirit was evident there as the man who intimidated me was a Lutheran. He looked down on me and asked if I always ask people for money. He was well dressed, but his wife wanted to help. She looked at him for approval and permission.

She was under control too. She was not free.

He kept saying no but finally she went to the car to look for change and when she came back and saw me crying, she said she would get more but never came back.

His controlling spirit changed her mind.

But remember God was specific about who to ask, because He knew what was going on inside of them. Remember this does not apply to everyone.

That’s why when God tells me to ask strangers it’s usually an indication of where they are spiritually. One time He told me to ask a group of Buddhists in India and they all started laughing at me. Why does an american need an Indian’s donation?

God said don’t leave until they give.

The only one that was open to Jesus gave me $1.

How willing are you to give into the spirit of fear and intimidation and give up on peoples’ hearts. God is building a I won’t leave until this thing breaks spirit.

God did not tell me to start asking people for donations until I was really ready to, because it takes a lot of supernatural courage to do it.

But the places where there is the most poverty is where God actually uses giving as a way to break off the spiritual stronghold of lack in that city or country.

Those who think they are lacking need to give to break off the spirit of lack.

One time I asked a homeless man for a donation, I placed a penny next to him. He said I have nothing to give. I said here’s a penny. I said you look at yourself and think you have nothing to give to the world but you are not lacking anything because of Jesus‘ sacrifice. Then God told me to give to him.

Sometimes I’ll ask someone for a donation and they will say I have nothing to give. Then I’ll say do you have $1? Then you have something and you are not lacking.

I was on an Uber ride and prayed and prophesied over a man. He said his dad died 10 years ago. He was grateful that God answered His prayers of sending someone to minister to him. God said to ask him for a donation and he said I don’t have any cash.

All of a sudden he said here. It was $10. Representing the prophetic word- he will restore the years the locust has taken away from you- the 10 years since his father died.

People think –

If only I get a perfect body, I’ll be whole. If I get my husband or wife, I’ll be happy. If I get a new place, I’ll be whole. If I get more money I won’t need to rely on God and I won’t feel like I’m lacking. If I just walk into my promises, I’ll know God loves me.

But all of that is actually a spirit of lack lying to you. It causes you to look at your circumstances (condition of your body, possessions, bank account, relationships, self) versus your identity as a child of God, reigning over this earth and having dominion over all things.

You are enough and you are not lacking. You don’t have to become more anything. You can rest in God’s perfect grace for you.

A sheep trust her shepherd (Jesus) to feed her and lead her, someone who relies on money has no shepherd or father.

I’m reminded when I was on the road and needed food or needed to know where he was leading me to sleep he always told me where and how. He often did not tell me where I was supposed to go until the day of because I wasn’t reliant on the plans but on God Himself. Was it scary? Yes. I had to pray against fear everyday. I also didn’t have someone next to me to talk to everyday but God always led me to other brothers and sisters as well and He gave me times of rest.

So it wasn’t MONEY I needed but his VOICE.

That’s why it says A psalm of David.

The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

God does not want us to be self reliant or be in control. He wants us to be a sheep that trusts Him completely to protect us.

When we look at our shortcoming, we always feel lacking but when we look to Christ who is perfect and became our sin- we know we are actually whole because of His sacrifice!

Break off the fear of lack and reliance on mammon by sowing a seed of trust to God –

Ask the Lord if it’s time to give– when you know you’ve been relying on money or your job more than God, when you give- you realize no I am enough, I’m not lacking.

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How To Break Unhealthy Cycle In Relationships

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It takes vulnerability to experience true love. It’s through telling someone how you actually feel and they respond with understanding that you experience unconditional love. Most people don’t share how they feel because they have been judged or rejected for expressing their feelings.

1. Be vulnerable- tell people how you actually feel.

2. Write down the patterns in your relationships

3. Address the patterns with the people and act counter the patterns, setting boundaries and asking for what it is you need and being vulnerable about your triggers and history.

Here’s mine-

A. 🙏 Friendships- in the past I was always just someone’s go to for emotional and spiritual help. I also gave rides to everyone when I had a car. I was exhausted from helping people.

There was usually a disparity between how much I gave and how much I received (not that relationships is about measurement).

I walked in faith, hosting events, etc but didn’t know how to ask for help. In essence I could have but I didn’t think anyone would help me.

It could be as simple as going out with friends and not being able to pay for meals, God has taught me even to ask strangers for help now…It’s still not easy, but in the past I’d pretend I was okay and I’d charge it on my credit card.

Of course God has told me not to worry about debt because He has already taken care of them.

Because He knows what we can handle. It takes steps of faith to speak up. I maxed out a credit card to start self employment and I maxed out credit cards to start my ministry. That was what God told me to do and that was the amount of faith and courage I could handle at the time. But yes it was scary to trust that God would someday pay it off for me.

Then the next step was in my faith walk was to come out and tell people what I was doing in my ministry, basically to start a ministry.

I knew it would come with persecution. But people also supported me.

❤️ In essence, what I told you is the same as opening your heart.

1. There’s hurt, but you don’t know how to speak up about it.

2. You learn to speak up about it but you’re met with criticism or rejection

3. You speak up about it but people love you nevertheless

4. Repeat (and that’s love for you!)

In relationships you have to know how to ask for help and give help.

But if you’ve had unhealthy patterns in your life, it takes time to reverse it. Or to wait for the people who are willing to love you for who you are.

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B. ❤️ Romantic Relationships

Marriage is similar to friendships.

1. Someone has to be humble enough to first express how they are feeling even if that means “look I am in a space of possibly being hurt by you”- basically saying “You have the power to hurt me”. That’s intense.

2. If no one is vulnerable it’s impossible to have a good marriage. But remember it’s a two-way street.

3. One person tries harder and harder to open the other person’s heart but it is a choice whether you want to open your heart, thus that relationship will most likely wither away unless the other party is willing to open up and share how they are feeling.

You deserve a vulnerable love.

You deserve someone who is emotionally available and who is willing to put in the work to be open with you.

It’s a choice whether someone wants to open their heart.

What’s the point of sitting next to someone and not knowing where they are emotionally. Physically present but mentally absent.

For me that was the worst nightmare.

Because I grew up with a mentally, physically and emotionally absent dad and a critical mother so my relationships reflected that.

And guess what- it took those relationships for me to see that it wasn’t what I wanted!

So what is it I want?

1. Friends that reach out and ask me how I am. And I’ll do the same.

2. A life partner that knows to reach out to me, that I don’t have to be the aggressor, which I often am in many areas of my life.

But that means I may have to learn how to be patient and wait for others to reach out to me.

Truth be told I don’t really have any patience.

My heart is more like an EMT, it knows where to go for help. It’s also an immediate safe place for others.

But I have to learn how to set boundaries and allow people to do the hard thing of reaching out or asking for help.

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Boast In Christ Alone

I woke up at 4 am after having a dream where I paid $60 for a room and I shared it with 3 other people. 

The number 6 signifies weakness, man’s sin that separated us from God. 6 indicates man was created in Genesis 1:31 (on the 6th day). It represents man’s weakness.

The Lord started speaking through me as I created this video. I encourage you to watch or listen to the video as God spoke to me LOUD AND CLEAR.

The power of GRACE has nothing to do with you.
It has nothing to do with you qualifying yourself, or being good, or doing good things.

Paul murdered Christians! And God spoke to him, Paul had an encounter with God that transformed him! David also was a murderer, he killed a woman’s husband just to have her. You think that people in the Bible didn’t have issues???? Think again.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me

Grace is unmerited. It’s unearned.

I am reminded that people kept trying to disqualify me by saying I didn’t go to seminary or I wasn’t sent by a church but that’s grace, Paul was not qualified by his being a good person, he killed Christians previously. And all the more he boasted in Jesus when He encountered the unconditional forgiveness of God. He was powered by the Holy Spirit alone, not in his own adequacies, strengths or giftings.

I boast not in my resume.

I boast not in my family connection.

I boast not in my work experience.

I boast not in my credit score.

I boast not in what a good friend I am.

I boast not in my own abilities or talents.

I boast not in what I wear.

I boast not in what house or car I drive.

I boast not in my works.

I boast in Christ alone. 

 

Jesus did not ask the thief to come down the cross and repay everything he stole. The work of recompense was not the criminal’s work. 

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”
The work of recompense has been finished on the cross. So if anyone makes you feel guilty like you need to make up for the past, it is a lie. You cannot. And writing that made me realize that my dad cannot make up for the past, and I have to move on and seek that recompense from God. 
Then after making that video I fell asleep again and had a dream I opened this mirror and took out antifreeze to put on my teeth, but suddenly my teeth started falling and I was freaking out.
Fortunately a man I was with, a comforter, I was lying on his shoulders-  started gluing it back but they were still falling out so a lady came and use supernatural glue to put my teeth back.
I believe the man represents “man’s ways” and the lady represents the holy spirit.
In the dream I started shouting “I got my wisdom back!!!”
Then I woke up.
I think the devil had been trying really hard to make me feel ashamed about my life situation, how I am living with my mother right now (as God has ordained for me to do right now), how I am driving her car (and I really hate it), and I was comparing myself to others that seemed more successful.
And then I got a smack in my spiritual face (HEY CHRIST ALONE, BOAST IN NOTHING ELSE!)
My identity is not in my life’s circumstance.
My identity is BEING A CHILD OF GOD. AND THAT IS HUGE.
THE GOD OF THIS UNIVERSE LOVES ME.
That is everything. I am redeemed by the Lord. I am loved by the Lord. You don’t have “nothing”, you have EVERYTHING when you are God’s child. You are a prince, a queen, a heir! 
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9
When I was on the road in New Zealand with $5 it was hard to not think that “I had nothing”- God was instilling in me “You are my messenger, you are saved by the blood of Jesus, you have everything, you have the living Christ on the inside of you”.
You have the healing power to heal all sickness and disease.
You have all riches in Christ Jesus according to His riches in glory.
You have the power of the blood to conquer demons, fear, anxiety and depression.
You have the knowledge of being a child of God, protected by the Father, you are not an orphan.
No matter where you go, you are protected by God’s angels in all corners of the world.
Jesus has triumphed death on the cross for you so you have eternal life.
You have a comforter named the Holy Spirit that when you are heart broken you can turn to Him.
You have a God who leads you no matter what circumstances you are in. The voice of God will lead you to where you need to go.
You have divine knowledge about the world around you.
YOU HAVE DOMINION OVER EVERY ATMOSPHERE around you. EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON AROUND YOU YOU CAN PRAY OVER. If there is a man possessed, you can cast out that demon.
One time I was in Fiji and a man was talking to himself. I went over and cast out the spirit of lack. Immediately he talked like a normal person and asked if he could carry my bags. 
You are whole in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, which means you are NOT LACKING in anyway! You don’t need to do better or be better, you are already the best in God’s eyes.
Everything is spiritual on this earth. Every conflict, fight has to do with “a spirit of lack” that tries to make humans feel less than. The devil will come to attack your mind but claim the blood of Jesus over you.

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You Are Loved. Period.

Prophetic word- LET GO of LOT so you can move forward!!!!!

5 Now Lot, who was moving about with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents. 6 But the land could not support them while they stayed together, for their possessions were so great that they were not able to stay together. 7 And quarreling arose between Abram’s herders and Lot’s. The Canaanites and Perizzites were also living in the land at that time.

8 So Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. 9 Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.”

Genesis 13

What breaks my heart for women, especially that I’ve been talking to….is that they allow the wrong people into their life and they think they are being loving by sacrificing their own time and energy to help them, but instead they are being completely drained! 

I had this belief that I had to help as many people as possible.

 

But I was wrong. So wrong. God taught me that I can’t throw my pearls to swine, and the reason I was getting unnecessarily persecuted was because I was trying to feed people that didn’t want to be fed. 

It’s hard because when you start to set boundaries you may fear losing a friend. Maybe they won’t want your help anymore, and that means you may not feel loved because they are not constantly asking you for help.

But your relationship shouldn’t be based on helping each other all the time, but on actual enjoyment. It’s like you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where you are drained and constantly weighed down, it should be based on enjoyment. Who wants to marry someone where you are constantly emotionally drained. 

You should be enjoying each others’ presence.

Are you enjoying God? Do you know God enjoys your presence? Do you enjoy your own presence? 

There is nothing more or less you can do for God to love you.

What is God like?

He loves you and cherishes you. He holds you when you are about to fall. He loves all unconditionally. His voice is the voice of desire, not the voice of guilt or obligation. I pray today you will receive the father’s love in a new way. 

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A picture from a train in New York

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When Life Disappoints- Look Up

from coming

“Oh this restaurant is packed” said the handsome man with white socks and sandal.

I mean those sandals, but anyhow he was cute. I suddenly felt light.

Then he walked around the restaurant and walked to his Asian girlfriend. Why do I note the race, I think he was filipino but I mean, I was another Asian girl.

I felt, a little bit depleted. It’s been a few weeks since I met a semi- nice guy but turned out he had issues. I have issues too, sure. But issues I did not want in a husband, so I knew he wasn’t my husband. 

But still, I was disappointed. 

And guess what? I applied for a reality show for dating, I thought, okay let me give it a try. It’s for next summer. I tried applying for it last summer but I was too late.

But God I might meet my husband before next summer right? Anyhow, let’s just try.

The reply was “oh we are looking for 30 and under”.

I thought, “holy crap, I’m too late, I am one year too late”. My mind started spinning, and all of those acting parts are looking for 30 and under. And my chin for some reason is growing. I accidentally opened up an old youtube video of me. 

I’m thinking “gosh I was so confident, what false confidence, I was totally lying”.

But oh I was so skinny and attractive. No lie, these are my thoughts and I know that these are the enemy’s words. But still I hear them, and then I get insecure.

When these situations in life happen you start shutting down, it’s like LEVEL 1 SHUT DOWN, 2, and so forth and before you know it you’re walking around Ross putting stuff in your cart, then throwing them out and not buying anything because it’s not REALLY something material you need but something emotional you’re looking for, and nothing IS RIGHT. And you just walked around for 1 hour looking for that emotional support.

So I finally went home and journaled.

I wrote down-

“God I feel like you don’t care about me”. 

I think when disappointments happen in life, you want “circumstances” to work out the way you want them to work out…..

  1. If only I’d find my life partner
  2. If only I get on this tv show
  3. If only I go to this new place

But those are lies….

Because God is enough for me.

“You know I love you…

You know I care about you.

You know you are the apple of my eye.

Let me romance you. 

I’m here for you. You’re not alone”.

I wrote “I saw a cute guy today, he smiled at me and it turns out he had a GF. When will it be my turn God”.

If I sound desperate maybe it’s because I waited a long ass time for a life partner. I’m even waiting to have sex.

Sometimes we look at life the wrong way. We think that life is about achieving an ultimate goal or getting something, even finding a life partner…but it’s about how we see ourselves. It is knowing how much God loves us as we are, right now (not tomorrow). 

THIS IS HOW I FEEL GOD. I’m disappointed ☹️ . But I’m going to trust that YOU KNOW WHAT YOU ARE DOING. I’m GOING to trust that you have the BEST IN MIND for me.

I had a dream I was carrying a backpack full of art supplies and these young people came to draw and use the tools I gave them.

Here it is….

“YOU ARE ENOUGH”. 

“YOU ARE ENOUGH”. 

“YOU ARE ENOUGH”. 

“YOU ARE ENOUGH”. 

“YOU ARE ENOUGH”. 

“YOU ARE ENOUGH”. 

“YOU ARE NOT LACKING”.

“I closed the door because I want you to MOVE FORWARD- DON’T LOOK BACK” 

You are not excited for that because my grace is no longer on it. 

If I’m honest I was reading way too many websites of entrepreneurs that seemed WAY ahead of me, I was watching youtubes of prophets who had thousands of followers while I have like 25, but God bless those 25. It’s The Bex Show if you want to google it, I don’t have the strength to find it right now.

Wherever YOU ARE, you are enough. 

Don’t compare where you are with other people, that’ll only lead to depression (seriously).

Breathe in and out.

Cry if you have to.

You may not be in the same season as someone, but here’s what I know…..You are exactly where you need to be. 

“Never doubt God’s mighty power to work in you and accomplish all this. He will achieve infinitely more than your greatest request, your most unbelievable dream, and exceed your wildest imagination! He will outdo them all, for His miraculous power constantly energizes you.” (Eph. 3:20, TPT)

If HE HAS CLOSED A DOOR IT MEANS A BETTER ONE IS GOING TO OPEN! 

Prophetic Word: November 14, 2019-

“MY CHILD It’s NOT OVER YET! The enemy has been fighting hard so you would be discouraged, the enemy wants you to focus on your circumstance but LOOK AT ME, focus your eyes on me. Don’t let your head spin, I am here protecting you, I have plans to flourish you, I have not forgotten you. For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Hey don’t look back anymore. Don’t even doubt that relationship. Go forward into my arms. Yes I know it’s hard to let go but I am enough for you. It’s time to move out. Do you know that I am enough for you? Will you trust me? My love is overpowering, overwhelming and more than enough.” 

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May this song bring comfort to your heart.

I Love You

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“There’s a scared place in our hearts only God can fill. When we come into divine romance with God, we realize nothing and no one else can fill that space.”

Two nights ago I had a dream that I was in Taiwan on a chinese tour and I was flying from Taipei to LA but I wanted to stay longer so I can see a friend. After that I started to ask God if I was supposed to go to Taiwan and last night I kept hearing go. But then I also heard familiar spirit so I prayed to cast out any voices that may not be God.

I started feeling anxious as I tried to figure it out. I went into a clay sauna at the korean spa and lay down, suddenly I saw a vision of myself running away from love, wanting to hide. This was not about a place, but the place in my heart. 

“It’s too much”. Sometimes it’s easier to be rejected, abused than to allow love in. Why? 

I’m not sure, maybe some people are scared of disappointing people or scared of that love, that maybe it’s too painful to feel love. How is it possible? Maybe because if you haven’t felt that in your life, it overwhelms you and you start thinking “why now?”

I told my friend that sometimes we’d rather be with people who abuse us than to get close to the people who will actually tell us the truth or we can be ourselves around. 

So I lay there and suddenly God invaded my heart and told me over and over again “I love you, I love you, I love you”. 
 
Stop running away from love. 
This is too good to be true, we’d think. We’d rather not realize what we desire than to accept it, why? Because we are scared to be disappointed. So we run, we run towards abuse, we run towards the counterfeit. We run towards those who cannot give us love. Because we don’t think we deserve love.
But now, you deserve it. You deserve the friends that will ugly cry with you, the ones you don’t have to hide your emotions with. Now you deserve the ones who won’t tell you to go away when your face is long. Now you deserve those who will accept you the way you are, whenever. You deserve those who will accept your emotions.
The ones who you don’t always have to be cheerful around….the ones you can actually be imperfect around. The ones who will allow you to cry and be imperfect…the ones you don’t need to go and have alone time when you are too sad to be a friend with. 
Do you feel it? Singles, you’re about to meet that one that will love you as you are, but are you willing to let go of that which is not love?
Are you willing to let God love you first?

I love you 

I don’t want a sacrifice, I want your heart

I want your heart 

The one you keep trying to protect 

The one you keep hard, gate closed, locked and bolted

The years of silence built up, each minute, each month, each year of silence that he/she didn’t speak to you – another layer of callus, harder your heart became, like solid concrete

No, you said.

Not today

“God, You’re just like my dad” you thought

And then they came, more people who were just like your dad, people with hard hearts like yours, people unable to give love

People you had to chase and pursue, people you kept knocking at their doors, people who abused you, people who neglected and abandoned you, people who didn’t know how to love themselves or love others

The cycle

But I trusted you God

But people are broken and imperfect

They are not me

Will you trust me again? Me your father?

Not your biological dad but Papa the heavenly one

Redeemed

I saw you holding me up as a baby and you were so proud of me

You carried me on your back and ran and I didn’t have to do anything

I could just rest

I lost sight of our relationship while trying to do things for you, trying to help others, trying.

Suddenly I got confused and I lost myself in serving. That voice telling me to go, it was no longer yours but a voice of obligation.

I didn’t want to anymore, I was drained. I was beat up and bruised by peoples’ words. I tried to feed those who didn’t want to be fed. They turned and trampled the pearls of wisdom, tearing me to shreds.

Their words hurt.

So I shut my heart down because then I wouldn’t have to feel.

And my dad disconnected again.

So then again layers of self protection. I went about my days busy to avoid the emotions. Where am I going and what am I doing God.

Anything but feeling.

But finally I lay on my back staring at the ceiling.

Okay I’ll cry.

I forgot that all I need is you.

I don’t need to go anywhere or do anything. I don’t need to dream or fulfill my dreams. I don’t need to fly or drive. I don’t need another divine appointment.

I just need you. Your words and your presence. I don’t need to do anything, I don’t need to achieve anything.

I’m enough. You’re enough for me. 

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Sacred Marriage with Jesus

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I woke up from a dream where a man was painting sunrises from dark until light. I was sleeping and saw holes in the wall and thought isn’t it a bit cold to have a hole in the wall? The light woke me up. In the dream I saw this man was Christian. My aunt was in the dream, she was single and thought I should get a job but I decided to paint. There were jars of Pablo Picasso’s paintings, like the painting was on the jar. And if you poured water on it, a cow would appear.

In 2018 I started having dreams of being married and I was about to embark on a journey to follow Jesus. I didn’t have money saved up and I didn’t know how I was going to survive but I said yes to Jesus. He told me to sell everything and follow Him and I got rid of my apartment, car and most of my possessions. 

A lot of people think they are ready for marriage but until they’ve been married to Jesus they don’t know what it really means.

Until you’ve said yes to Jesus, in the face of being rejected and persecuted by all of your family members, criticized by your relatives for being crazy, and “abandoned” by your best friends. Are you willing to forsake all for one?

I had dreams that I told my mother I was getting married. I dreamed that I was wearing a wedding dress on the airplane. I had another dream where God showed me pictures of men swiping left and then the words “get ready”.

What ensued was nothing I could ever imagine. What ensued was a year of boldness, betrayal, hardship, sometimes almost starvation. I left Los Angeles with a couple hundred from my mother, spent most of it in Taiwan, was helped by my dad, but then had to go to Korea and that’s when the fire of God fell on me and I started prophesying non stop. I maxed out a credit card to start my ministry and eventually had to come out of hiding and actually tell people what I was doing. 

I knew the judgements would come, and at first they didn’t but they did.

I left all for the one.

“Until death do us part”

“through good and bad”

In the name of God, I, (groom/bride’s name), take you, (groom/bride’s name), to be my (husband/wife), to have and to hold from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my solemn vow.

Jesus and I were there, together. I said yes to Him. For better, for worse. When I was on my mountaintop and when I was at my worse. When I was staying at a hostel with 10 other people, with music pounding and bouncing off the walls underneath or when I was staying at a resort.

I said yes.

I said yes to being persecuted and being called a false prophet. I said yes to being rejected by others, but being approved by God. 

Choose this day whom you will serve. Choose this day whom you will be married to. 

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To be married to what others think or to Jesus.

To be married to your friends or to Jesus.

To be married to peoples’ agenda or to Jesus.

To be married to your parents’ opinions or to Jesus.

To be married to some guy/girl or to Jesus.

What does that mean? That you are willing to forsake everything else and anything else for Jesus. 

There is a process to come to this stage. You first say yes to receiving Jesus into your heart, then you date Jesus, but you aren’t willing to surrender everything to Jesus.

Maybe He has called you to quit a job, to sell everything you have, to give up a man/woman. Maybe He has called you to follow Him into the scariest situations, to ask strangers for help, to land somewhere and not yet know where you will stay, but then you trust your husband to lead you. 

Until you’ve become married to Jesus, you trust Him completely, no husband/wife on earth will ever suffice. 

Marriage to Jesus is sacred, it’s total trust.

Though I had to process feelings of being betrayed by my husband, as I went through a lot of suffering, I know that He hasn’t abandoned me. He never will.

Solomon 5

I slept but my heart was awake.
    Listen! My beloved is knocking:
“Open to me, my sister, my darling,
    my dove, my flawless one.
My head is drenched with dew,
    my hair with the dampness of the night.”
I have taken off my robe—
    must I put it on again?
I have washed my feet—
    must I soil them again?
My beloved thrust his hand through the latch-opening;
    my heart began to pound for him.
I arose to open for my beloved,
    and my hands dripped with myrrh,
my fingers with flowing myrrh,
    on the handles of the bolt.
6 I opened for my beloved,
    but my beloved had left; he was gone.
    My heart sank at his departure.[a]
I looked for him but did not find him.
    I called him but he did not answer.
The watchmen found me
    as they made their rounds in the city.
They beat me, they bruised me;
    they took away my cloak,
    those watchmen of the walls!
Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you—
    if you find my beloved,
what will you tell him?
    Tell him I am faint with love.

This couple of days I’ve had to confess to God how I felt betrayed by Him. Metaphorically I felt beaten, bruised and exposed by people. I had to cry and cry. Recognize that my father would never love me the way I want to be loved, that the betrayal of silence had to be lifted. I had to tell God how I hated Him. I had to tell Him that I felt forgotten.

But when all that was done and then God had me tell a man that I still had feelings for him and it was reciprocated, I felt a light in my heart.

And even though he is not my husband, it was prophetic of what was to come. God was telling me that He’s never left me and He apologized for allowing me to go through the beating. He showed me that He never left me and that He never abandoned me. He was the only one that shadowed me and held me on my worse nights. He made the warfare easier, I cried to him when Satan tried to attack me.

I was willing to forsake all for the one. Are you?

To trust Him, your husband, your provider, your father?

You say, well I’m not willing to go through what you did.

But isn’t it worth it to feel that sacred love with the one who created you, to know you lack nothing and no one because you have a relationship so deep no one can tear you away or apart from Him? Until you’ve encountered sacred love and become united with Christ, sanctified for Him alone, you cannot truly know that you are not lacking. 

When you know you lack nothing and no one because you have Christ alone, any relationship in your life is a product of codependency and comes from a feeling that you are lacking. But when you know you are enough because of your sacred relationship with God, everything and everyone else is just an addition. 

That is marriage.

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