Overcoming Rejection and No Longer Walking On Eggshells

97778308_10163614691715603_5882939738964361216_nDoes it feel like you are walking on eggshells when you’re around your parents? 

I woke up hearing “you are enough, you are beautiful, you are healthy”.

God told me “people will turn to comfort when they’ve been rejected by their parents”. A spirit of rejection causes people to turn to even the faintest idea of comfort, even if they know it is unhealthy. 

Even if you know that a person is unhealthy for you, even if you know that drugs, addictions, porn, etc is unhealthy you’ll still go to it because you feel rejected by your parents or there is a feeling of “walking on eggshells”. 

I don’t feel safe is what you feel and say to yourself. 

God has been putting me through a process of healing. I realize that I have a hard time just going to bed if I feel like I am not being vulnerable with my mother when she is at home. Once I’m in bed I knock out though.

There is no fear in love. 

Are you afraid to be yourself around your parents?

That seeps into your other friendships and relationships.

If you were a caretaker to your parents, you find familiarity in trying to help people in your friendships and relationships.

I found comfort in being the caretaker because I also took care of my mom’s emotions growing up. When someone actually wants to take care of me or be emotionally supportive I felt that they probably wanted to control me or tell me what to do (since my mom was controlling). 

When I had a car I was driving everyone around, when I got rid of my car very people actually helped me.

God really used ministry to help me turn the table around. He said “you are worthy to be helped and supported”, but it came with a lot of persecution. Now people were mad that I was the one that needed help. They couldn’t get with the idea that I was not all sufficient as a human being, that I actually needed their help this time. 

But for some reason when I was always helping them, giving them emotional support, spiritual guidance and not asking for anything in return- they were okay with that model. But once I started asking for donations they fled. 

Because people don’t want to reciprocate. They don’t want to show up. Not everyone of course, but that’s what I saw. If it meant they had to participate they bailed. Because it dealt with their sense of inadequacy and the stronghold of lack.

Most people I minister to are running away from their parents, because they feel rejected by them. When a parent rejects their kid and doesn’t want to talk to them, the kid feels a sense of being unloved. 

When a kid feels unloved he or she will go to drugs, food, shopping, other people etc to feel accepted.

And the truth is sometimes parents aren’t the best people to give us the love we need or crave. But if you feel unsafe, you will go find solace in things that feel safe in the moment but maybe have no longevity.

I experienced financial, physical and emotional lack growing up. My mom was often at work and I was left home alone at a young age. I also started working when I was 8, and lacked emotional support. My mom never asked me how I was doing emotionally.

It makes sense that God called me to pastor lost sheep.

But in doing so I also come in contact with people who have the same issues- feeling rejected, easily triggered, feelings of being attacked emotionally, etc.

When I was younger I was a people pleaser because it was easier to please people and be accepted than to tell the truth and be rejected for my truth. But then God started to tell me to tell people the truth or to do things contrary to peoples’ expectations. The rejection hurt but now I realize that people didn’t really love me for who I am in the past, they loved me for who they wanted me to be.

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Skatepark in Venice Beach – a place where many young people escape to for safety. I met a 22 year old mom that was getting yelled at by her husband. I told her that I saw her as an actress as I was a prophet. She was happy to hear that. Sometimes when we’ve been abused by our parents we find partners that are also abusive. The road to healing and wholeness is to identify what we lacked growing up and identify what we actually need from a partner.

Would you consider contributing to this ministry? Your contribution makes a difference in the lives of people who are rejected by their parents and are seeking solace. Help me bring Jesus to people. Thank you!

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Some people I met at the drum circle in Venice Beach

 

 

 

I’m scared that if I get close to someone they will leave me. 

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This was a super impromptu “photo shoot” that I had in the moment at Pacific Palisades.

How deep do you want to fall?

We all try to protect our hearts. We call it “being wise”. We disappear. We ghost, we don’t communicate how much we care, we act like we can be disconnected from our hearts.

“I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to get hurt”.

That’s our excuse. Sky high walls around our hearts. It’s better to not be happy, then be happy for a minute or a moment. 

We try to cut things short because maybe we won’t feel it, any kind of pain.

But it’s inevitable.

I remember the pain of leaving my 10 year old students in China or each mission trip I took. I built deep friendships with the people I hung out with. Everyday I felt my heart being broken. But does that mean I shouldn’t have gone? No. That’s what made the moments beautiful. 

You love them more in each moment.

The moments are sparkly. Vulnerability beautiful.

Hearts shining.

But we seem to pull back as humans.

It’s better to be defensive and cold than to show that we care.

I don’t want to live with a closed heart. I want to live with my heart wide open.

I went from having to turn down a guy, to kind of being turned down (even as a friend), to a guy trying to “protect my heart from getting hurt” to meeting a guy who wanted to treat me right but didn’t want me to “fall in love with him”.

These are all innuendos of “let’s not feel”.

The truth is relationships are complex and it’s hard to be cold-hearted. 

But we have all kinds of excuse. 

I don’t want to hurt you.

I don’t want you to hurt me. “I’m scared to get hurt”.

I had a really clean cut idea of marriage and dating. I didn’t understand why I had to date. “What’s the point God? Especially if he’s not my husband?” 

2 years ago God showed me a tinder account swiping left, and I heard “get ready”.

I never really understood why I had to go through so much dating wise, even before. Other people seemed to have it easy. They just met their husband and that’s it. But no, me???? I’ve had plenty of boyfriends, I’ve had summer/winter/fall flings, I was definitely not the typical church-goer.

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I’m a romantic. I used to draw comics and write love stories. Each boyfriend was a potential husband. I wrote impossible scenarios of grand romantic gestures. 

But those were not always the type of men I met. Some were just lewd, sketchy, perverts. The only way I found that I could protect my heart was to not sleep with them (so I have managed to save myself for marriage). But do not get me wrong, I’ve had my share of physical experiences.

I didn’t grow up with my dad, I shut down my heart whenever I would leave Taiwan (after a visit).

“It’s better to not feel, then to feel any love for someone who will leave me”.

That is how I protected myself. But that’s how I became disassociated and disconnected emotionally. 

Through this dating process recently, the Lord showed me how I would disconnect to protect myself. A part of my personality would shut down because my heart was bracing for the heartbreak, the separation. I would sense how I became distant, indifferent. I would stop laughing, I would stop being entertaining or happy. I would become quieter, pensive. I wouldn’t say what is on my mind.

“It’s going to end anyway” my heart would say.

“Why bother? Why try?”

I couldn’t allow myself just to be happy, because there was some pending “doom”. 

People think that if they just disconnect or not feel, then they’d protect themselves from pain. 

But I realize that pain is powerful, it allows our hearts to know that it matters. 

That person or moment or season of my life was beautiful, powerful, lovely.

Why can’t we be okay with that?

We avoid pain at all costs but we also miss the beauty of it all. 

The life, the riches, the moments.

After spending time with someone the Lord led me to yesterday, I felt this strange ache in my neck. My heart felt numb and unfeeling. I didn’t know why. I woke up in the middle of the night and started crying. My heart was scared to feel.

I’m scared that if I get close to someone they will leave me. 

Like the other friends who disappeared from my life, will this one leave too? That’s what pushed me away from forming deep friendships for awhile. And even if I did, I couldn’t communicate through the pain of certain conflicts. It hurt too much. I had people betray me, but I also cut people off.

When people are good to you, you doubt it. This is too good to be true. Am I really safe? Or are they judgemental? Will they snap at any minute?

I’ve met nice people recently, and I think they’ll stay that way, but one comment triggers them to react and my heart will fear. 

“I’m not safe” my heart will say. “Go home” I’ll think.

God has been leading me to people who are lonely, rejected, wounded, I mean that is my ministry. At the same time, I find myself trying to guard myself from feeling for them.

“Get down and dirty, feel each moment, feel each feeling, no matter how uncomfortable it feels. Cry and laugh. Don’t be afraid of love”.

Love is not just happiness and roses, love is also the pain of separation. I talk to many singles about dating and they often use the excuse of “I’m just loving myself”. This may be true for a season but the prophesy that the Lord has been telling me is “tell people to open their heart and come out of hiding”.

Tell people to be vulnerable, to tell their truth. 

It’s human nature to hide out of shame, unworthiness, guilt. But when we expose our truths, we know that we can truly be loved for who we are, not what we do. 

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Some people may find me too careless to open my heart but that’s just how God has made me. I have to have an open heart everyday. Sometimes I’ll have fear in my heart and I won’t want to take chances or step out in faith but God will lead me to be courageous.

Yesterday He said “ask for a ride” and just as I was about to get the bus I saw a car pull up. The car had a baby in it. The driver was Catholic. She sped up and dropped me off where the bus was. My heart was still hesitant right? Immediately I met a guy with tattoos who was quiet. I started talking to him. I know most people find talking to strangers intimidating but when people open up to me, I feel encouraged.

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Eventually I got to Pasadena and I saw this woman walking around with her suitcase. I asked if she needed help and she said “no”. God said “follow her, ask her if she needs help”. Eventually I realized that God was trying to tell me not to be afraid of rejection.

Because I needed to tell a guy my truth. The truth was “I am not physically attracted to you”. I tried to explain it a few ways but I realize that I couldn’t. I had to be honest. I was emotionally attracted but not physically attracted so I used “you’re not usually my type” as a way to avoid the truth. But he thought that I would eventually realize he was the better option, opposed to the other guys that I was seeing (whom he considered bad boys).

The truth is hard to hear sometimes, but it does set us free. We want to take care of peoples’ hearts but we really can’t. Only God can, God has peoples’ hearts in His hands.

I felt guilty and bad for having to be honest. I hate hurting people, but closing a door allows them to move on. 

Maybe I’m too honest, or maybe I overshare. But I live in freedom. I’m an artist, I’ve been created to express myself.

I’m not a saint, I’ve been saved by grace. I’m not perfect, only perfect by the blood of Jesus.

Would you consider giving a contribution or donating to this ministry? God leads me to divine appointments everyday, I pastor people who are unconventional, who have been rejected by the church or by their parents, some are drug addicts living on the streets, some are just really isolated people who have no friends, some just have high walls up in their hearts. Many of them I prophesy for them to go home because they have a fear of being rejected by their parents….most likely they have already experienced lots of rejection from their family. I was like that myself. But God taught me to speak up to my mom and tell her how I feel, without a fear of rejection. It’s never really become easy though. I’ve just grown in my capacity to have patience and love for her.

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Prophetic Word- Heart Breakthrough

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Why do we love who we love?

Why do we feel used?

Why do we love those who cannot love us back and why don’t we love those who can?

Why do we fear intimacy and why does love hurt?

Why do we hide and think that is love and care?

Why do we fear vulnerability?

God- I am here for you. If you will have me. If you come to me and drink of this never ending fountain. I am here for you, I will never leave nor forsake you.

Me- People scare me. They are one way one moment, the next they are monsters. They are unpredictable. They are scare me.

God- Don’t be afraid to love for out of love comes life.

Me- I feel that I will never find love that I deserve, for I’ve chased the type of love that is sick and twisted, the type of love that I have to fight for, that isn’t freely given.

God- you will find it, for you are love, you have found me. You have found love, you are love, as I am within you.

Me- I am love.

God- I have loved you from the beginning of time. If you are love there is no lack of love and there is an unceasing fountain of love, ready at all times. You are love, you are enough.

Me- How can I continue to love when I feel depleted?

God- Give yourself a break, it’s okay. Give yourself a break. It’s enough. From the beginning of time, I have been enough and I will always overflow in love. You were created to love and without love there is no meaning.

Sow a seed to this ministry-
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I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!

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Prophetic Word For Pioneers & Prayer For Healing

This is an intensive inner healing video to heal your heart. I pray it may heal your heart of all soul wounds.

You have a CROWN, you have a crown!

You stood by me says the Lord. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

It hurts, I know it hurts. I’m bringing revival and birthing through you. Be honest with me. 

I am bringing you up, bring it all, bring it all. 

You are birthing.

Pick up your heart, pick it up, express it all. Sing. Sing. Sing. Let it all out. So much. So much. Pick up the arrows and the swords, pick out, pick out the arrows that have been shot. Some of you have so many arrows in your heart. God is picking them out one by one, but don’t numb it, don’t numb it.

God is healing you now.

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If you like to book a coaching or inner healing session, please email me at rebekkalien@gmail.com.

 

Holy Spirit Confronts ALL Strongholds of Fear

Oh wow, okay. Where do I begin.

This morning I heard go to Downtown, but a part of me was like “should I go buy groceries and go home?” But I was like no just go. “I have not given you a spirit of fear”.

I met some people in the stores and then met a driver who was Catholic. He told me he had a bad marriage and his experience reminded me of my ex. I started to feel weird, it reminded me of what I subjected myself to.

When I got back to Alhambra I heard go to Pasadena. Fine, God. I jumped on the 260 bus.

It was already late…but suddenly there was a homeless man yelling in the bus. I heard “give him $1”. I asked what his name was and where his parents were. He said his name was William and his parents passed away 30 plus years ago. He was 40.

I said “you’re supposed to be an actor”.

“Oh yah, am I going to be on stage?”

I mean, his hands were dirty, he was yelling and cursing. I mean the more I prayed the more he manifested. Then I heard “unforgiveness” and said he needed to forgive those who hurt him.

I felt this warmth go up my lungs and started crying. I never felt such warmth, so visible, so strong. I could feel my flesh want to shrink but my spirit urging me. Pray for him, God said. I mean I am in a bus with other people.

I’m singing “Jesus loves you”.

When I got off the bus, I had to sanitize my hands so I went into a boba shop and told the cashier what I was doing. She told me she was also Christian. We talked a bit and then I went towards home.

I heard mcdonalds, so I went, even though I could have gotten Sprite somewhere else. The Sprite tasted too fruity. I got a refund, but I met a lost sheep. Someone who grew up Catholic. We talked for a bit.

I left, went to get real Sprite.

Now, I start hearing “ask for a ride”. So I’m looking around, where.

I suddenly see this young man playing with a drone. I ask if he is catholic and he says he grew up Christian but does believe in God. We walk, but then I ask for a ride. He drives me…That’s when his stepmom starts calling incessantly.

I told him to not go to the army, that he was called to be an actor. But that God is breaking off people pleasing. I see a vision of him with a dog collar and his stepmom with a leash.

Wow, God. I tell him how when I start to disciple and train people, they are often called to displease their parents to follow Jesus. And sure, it is hard. But they can’t bow down to any men (including their parents), they must stay firm when God beckons. 

Backbone. Or whoever, whoever God calls them to speak up to. 

There are systems, structures, demonic strongholds in place all over the world and these deliverers will stand up to the strongholds and knock down the bondages. 

I think back a year ago I would have been more conscious of people watching me when I pray for people on the bus, but now I’m not scared anymore.

I may have been scared of the demons oppressing a homeless person, but now I know no power is greater than the blood of Jesus.

Before I met the 20 year old, I felt pain in my stomach and had to cast out a spirit of infirmity that was trying to attack me. But suddenly as fast as it came, it went away. Praise God!

Sow a seed to this ministry. You will surely be rewarded! God bless you!

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YOU ARE FREE UNDER GRACE!

Be a hypocrite.

THANK YOU JESUS FOR FREEING ME!

I didn’t realize that I started to monitor my actions recently based on what people have said to me. People have questioned me and attacked me, it started to make me doubt and speak in a lower register (in terms of boldness).

I realize that I can’t be wrong because in God’s eyes I have been made righteous. So even if I was wrong, I can’t be punished for being wrong. I am free in Christ Jesus.

The result of your life isn’t dependent on your works, and how perfect you are, but by GRACE. Your dreams won’t come true because you’re super hard working or because you did everything right, it will be by GRACE. People aren’t impacted by you because of you, but because of Christ in you.

So if you start to put the burden on yourself to accomplish, achieve, strive, perform- you are starting to live from a place of the law, not grace. 

KEEP PUSHING FORWARD, I don’t CARE IF PEOPLE think you are crude, or unrespectable, or a little bit off, KEEP LIVING IN FREEDOM AND NOT PRETEND TO BE SOMETHING YOU ARE NOT. The religious spirit will tell you you’re doing wrong because you don’t fit into their expectations, but keep dancing!

2 Samuel 6:14-22

And David danced before the Lord with all his might, wearing a priestly garment. So David and all the people of Israel brought up the Ark of the Lord with shouts of joy and the blowing of rams’ horns.

Michal’s Contempt for David

But as the Ark of the Lord entered the City of David, Michal, the daughter of Saul, looked down from her window. When she saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, she was filled with contempt for him.

They brought the Ark of the Lord and set it in its place inside the special tent David had prepared for it. And David sacrificed burnt offerings and peace offerings to the Lord. When he had finished his sacrifices, David blessed the people in the name of the Lord of Heaven’s Armies. Then he gave to every Israelite man and woman in the crowd a loaf of bread, a cake of dates,[b] and a cake of raisins. Then all the people returned to their homes.

When David returned home to bless his own family, Michal, the daughter of Saul, came out to meet him. She said in disgust, “How distinguished the king of Israel looked today, shamelessly exposing himself to the servant girls like any vulgar person might do!”

David retorted to Michal, “I was dancing before the Lord, who chose me above your father and all his family! He appointed me as the leader of Israel, the people of the Lord, so I celebrate before the Lord. Yes, and I am willing to look even more foolish than this, even to be humiliated in my own eyes! But those servant girls you mentioned will indeed think I am distinguished!”

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Religious spirited people hate it when you dance, because dancing has no rules or laws. It is free. It is an act of freedom. 

Sow a seed to this ministry. You will surely be rewarded! God bless you!

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My Odyssey To Beverly Hills

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Some actors I met waiting to go into the studio to do audience work (and we got to go home).
Today I met a creepy guy on the bus and I was like ugh, but God said “open your heart”. He said I was very pretty. I sat down to eat a hot dog and heard God say “it’s time to go” so I did…even though my heart was not open. I wanted to continue brooding.
I was feeling lazy, but I went and met a lady and asked if she knew Jesus. She said she goes to church and temple. She had just walked out of a senior home. After we talked, bus 14 came and I headed towards Beverly Hills.
On the bus, I started to have a sense that the guy next to me was going to the same place.
I asked if he was also going to CBS studio and he said how did I know. I said I was a prophet. LOL
He said he just arrived from New York and it was his first time. We were waiting to go into the studio but somehow because I went to go get a subway….I was just on time….so then they had enough people for the audience. They said we could go home after we waited for 45 minutes, I ended up talking to everyone in line. I asked this one girl if she was Romanian and she said how did you know? I said God told me.
They said we could go home and we’ll still get paid.
I said Lord your grace is sufficient isn’t it.
I start walking towards the farmer’s market and the same guy from the bus appears. I ask if he is going there too and he said “how did you know?” We started talking about traumas and such. He asked how I got the gift of prophecy and I asked if he knew Jesus and he said he knows of him but is open to all religions, so I said after I received Jesus I could hear HIs voice. Then I started getting more vivid visions of people and knowledge about their lives.
He said he was spiritual and open to all things. He said he also smoked some weed to open his mind and grew up Buddhist.
We talked for awhile…
I am amazed by how GOD arranged us to sit next to each other on the SAME bus, then we were sent home but we BOTH went to the farmer’s market so that we can talk.
GOD NEVER LEAVES A SHEEP BEHIND!
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So I get a voicemail from a casting person. I don’t know what show it is for but I call back. He asks me questions about why I want to dance, and what hindered me. As I am talking I start crying. I’m like wow this is like a therapy session. I cry because I tell him that whenever I told my mom that I was pursuing my dreams, she’d tell me to live in reality. 
So then I go home on the bus and I meet a girl that WORKS AT DISNEY corporate so I tell her about my date at Disneyland.
I then meet another girl and she gives me a quarter when I tell her I am fundraising for ministry. This quarter says “THE RIVER OF NO RETURN” and under it says “WILDERNESS”.
The Lord tells me to pray for her and I say “YOU WILL NOT GO BACK TO THE LAND OF HOPELESSNESS and wilderness!” Even though she does not believe in God specifically, she says….”wow my cat died and my boss is not nice to me”. She took a 3 hour bus to work everyday, working at a the dollar store. She is 19 years old, lives with her BF and her parents are divorced.
I said that TOMORROW YOU WILL FIND ANOTHER JOB closer to home!
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So it was a long day but I felt compelled to watch a movie about detectives and Japan. It’s actually about marriage. Tokyo was another sign that I would go there (I have been working on a project to create a show with a friend I met at an event a few weeks ago). As I’m walking to the theater I see a man with his golden retriever. The dog is so cute I’m in love. Later I see the man again, and again. My heart feels warm.
The Lord tells me to ask my mom to pick me up. At first she’s pissed but I tell her about the show. She doesn’t seem happy. She tells me I should be independent before I pursue what I want. Again she isn’t supportive of ministry or my dreams. 
I have to film more footage so the Lord tells me to ask her to film it. I realize it’s the first time she’s ever seen me dance. I’m quite secretive about my blog and even my creative work with her. I’m embarrassed I guess. Sometimes I do write about her and I don’t want her to read it.
She tells me “good job”.
I’m like wow. She tells me I’ve always been creative. I’m like “did that just come out of my mom’s mouth?” I said “well didn’t you say you liked brother’s artwork more?” She said “you’re more creative”.
Well, that was my day. It’s kind of amazing I got to hear what I’ve always wanted her to say to me. I think I just wanted her to be proud of me.
My days are like LONG adventures, more like odysseys. But this is literal what my days look like. 
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A dog I met

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