Walk In The Unknown

I moved a lot growing up so I was constantly walking into the unknown. Not by choice though. Me in Germany.

Most of our society walks in the known. The known is comfortable, safe, without unknowns but God constantly pushes us to trust Him to walk with Him in the unknowns.

So that’s where though we think we are “resting” often we are submitting to fear. It’s sounds strange because of course some people seriously need to rest but most people sit in front of the television as the world passes by.

Watching tv is not resting. Yes, there are seasons of that but even in this season I feel wary thinking about the future.

I’m back in LA but heading out June 24.

I’m not sure what to expect and to be honest I’m a little traumatized by everything I went through this year ministering on the road. I’m not sure if I ever want to experience it again yet I know God is calling me to a higher level of faith.

I kind of hate that He has called me to this life.

I keep telling Him “I can’t do it”.

I can’t go on anymore.

I feel numb.

And that’s my heart wanting to be comfortable, to succumb to fear.

Jesus- You can do anything you set your mind to.

Well what if I don’t want to? What if I want to live a boring life?

Jesus- then you’ll be bored.

Okay then.

God I kind of don’t want to trust you.

Jesus- you’re not an orphan, you’re a child of God.

Me- but I went through a lot of things I didn’t really want to go through.

Jesus- but you got through it.

Me- but I have bad memories from it and I’m mentally trying to protect myself from future instances of a) being severely accused of or rejected by people I minister to b) having to be on the streets and having to ask judgmental people for help c) the list goes on.

Jesus- you are enough.

Don’t settle for the past or even think about the past. Move forward.

Me- My body and psyche can’t seem to move forward.

Jesus- let go and focus on me. Let go of every hindering memory and focus on me. Focus on my goodness. The enemy wants you to focus on the bad experiences. I am a good father – do you trust me?

Me- no not right now. But I’m still following you- I just don’t feel the joy.

We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that his life may also be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you.

2 Corinthians 4:8

This is my process. I know it’s been a hard week for some of you and in the battle it’s easy to lose joy so I pray right now God will bring back joy into your heart and if you need to cry- cry. I pray encouragement over your hearts.

I will be heading to Taiwan then China. I’m not sure what God has in store but I know most missionaries are getting kicked out of China so it helps that I’m independent in the sense that I’m just going where the spirit leads instead of being stationed like most missionaries.

I am now raising funds for what’s ahead. Flight tickets and living fees. Would you consider partnering with me in bringing Christ to the world?

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True Freedom

I had a dream I killed a rat.

The Lord told me to write this.

“These things are being taken figuratively: The women represent two covenants. One covenant is from Mount Sinai and bears children who are to be slaves: This is Hagar. Now Hagar stands for Mount Sinai in Arabia and corresponds to the present city of Jerusalem, because she is in slavery with her children. But the Jerusalem that is above is free, and she is our mother. For it is written:

“Be glad, barren woman,
    you who never bore a child;
shout for joy and cry aloud,
    you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
    than of her who has a husband.

Now you, brothers and sisters, like Isaac, are children of promise. At that time the son born according to the flesh persecuted the son born by the power of the Spirit.It is the same now.  But what does Scripture say? “Get rid of the slave woman and her son, for the slave woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with the free woman’s son.” Therefore, brothers and sisters, we are not children of the slave woman, but of the free woman”

He said to me “write about freedom”. Recently I had a friend come to me and say that I don’t need to tell her prophetic words so often, that she wants to live in freedom.

It made me think about how I went through my own “freedom” of being promiscuous, needing alcohol, being broken.

When I started to prophesy over myself and allow others to do so – and then I believed what God said- I started to step into the freedom God had for me.

When Jesus said “sell everything and follow me” – it was a prophetic word.

A prophetic word is something that hasn’t happen on the earth but is already true in the spirit.

I could have said no but I trusted God. All my own ways of living only led to more pain, hangovers and regrets.

All my own strivings and attempts to find my life partner was resulting in degrading myself.

That is why yesterday God said it’s time to come out. And I posted the following.

To my surprise, all the comments were positive and a few women have started to message me about their secret of waiting or perhaps not waiting anymore.

I realized that was a part of my story that I still felt ashamed to tell because I was shamed for waiting. People told me I need to have experience to know who my husband is. People said “your standards are too high, you should just settle”.

But when your mother is Sarah (grace), you live in the covenant of relationship with God bought by the blood of Jesus. So what you believe God for, a prophetic word or promise- it will come to pass if you walk in it. In this case, for me it means trusting God and waiting for the right man instead of jumping on every guy that looks like Mr. Handsome.

When your mother is Hagar (the law and your own striving), you try to attain your promises by your own flesh. This means that you will try everything else but trusting God and being led by His spirit.

A lot of times I prophesy over people and it’s not what they want to hear.

Perhaps it’s a guy they are seeing, or a job.

And I think to myself “why do they need so many reminders?”

But me myself? It did take God awhile to get to me too. Like I said after I broke up with my ex in 2014 I went on a dating spree and only after meeting many men who only wanted to sleep with me, did I come to my end and said “God I give up, you do it”. These men only wanted an instant gratification, they did not desire to love me.

But somehow I still trusted God enough to say “God I’m going to wait for my husband to have sex”. Because I believe God for the right man.

And that’s Sarah and Abraham waiting for God’s promises. At one point when they were a hundred or so, they inherited a promise of Isaac which God supernaturally gave them.

When we strive to make things happen on our way, without God we step into slavery. Hagar’s child was a slave. Whatever we attain by the law, we become a slave to. Hagar and her son never shares in the inheritance of the free women.

Proverbs 10:22

The blessing of the Lord makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it.

What God has shown me is true freedom means being free from shame, guilt, condemnation, fear.

So a prophetic word is always to bring you further into the freedom Jesus paid for you on the cross to have.

Yesterday I prophesied to a man that he is enough and he needs to go ask his estranged parents for help. He said he has spent a lot of time trying to find peace in his soul and I said “no you just need to do it even if they accuse you”.

God has told me to do things that I was not excited to do.

I sold everything to follow Him. I returned a leased car before the lease term was over. I knew my credit would go down but I needed to live for His kingdom and not my kingdom any longer. This means that I needed to be car- less and not live to pay for a car which did not give me the opportunity to minister to people on the streets or buses. I needed to trust that God would provide what I needed even if I didn’t have excellent credit.

And true to what He has told me, I haven’t needed a good credit at all. In fact, God has provided what I’ve needed without credit.

God told me to move back home. In actuality I was at my friend’s house and God said at 3pm you’ll know where you will stay. My mom has already offered to let me stay at her house. I started crying. Hell no I don’t want to move back home. But He understood so He didn’t make it explicit. He used this tactic so I had no other choice but to move home.

During the two years I stayed with my mom I reconciled with her. God knew that needed to happen for me to come into my blessings as well. I had never gotten allowance from my mother as I worked since I was 8 years old. It was the first time she gave me money.

I learned what grace and being a child of God actually meant in that time of rest! It’s not something I work for but something I receive just because I am God’s child.

God told me to break up with my ex. I needed a few confirmations and I got them. God knew I wouldn’t listen to one friend, but it was strangers I talked to that made me realize he wasn’t the one.

Yes we are stubborn people.

That stubbornness comes from us not trusting God. But when we come to the end of ourselves we start to see God’s intention for us is to be whole and healed.

Our brokenness prevents us from living the life God called us to.

So when I prophesy, you may not want to listen but it’s not me – it’s God saying “you deserve so much more than what you’ve settled for”.

Freedom is not continuing in a mediocre life or philandering with whoever we want, because it led me to more pain and tears. Freedom is being a child of God, knowing you are not an orphan and you have a father who guides and takes care of you.

The sheep knows her shepherd’s voice.

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Jesus Was Not A People Pleaser

Today I had a huge revelation.

I don’t realize this but at times I feel pressured to be something I’m not because some people use financial contribution to manipulate or force me to be something I’m not.

In the beginning of ministry, when I was in Bali- a Christian wrote me and asked me several questions. How much do you spend per month, how do you know it is God speaking to you, etc. He said by knowing these things he would be more knowledgeable about how he and his wife could support me.

At first I replied thinking, wow- this guy and his wife wants to support me and contribute to what I’m doing.

But then after he said that God told him to observe what I’m doing.

I doubt that God told him to micro manage me. When God says to people – watch and learn, He is not saying “micromanage her and find out the how’s”…He is saying “watch how she steps out in faith without knowing how”.

That is how I’ve lived in the last year and even before that.

After quitting my job in 2011 I never really knew how God would provide exactly since I was freelancing and even picking up bottles to recycle…

But I heard His voice and His voice would lead me continually into the unknown.

So when God tells you to give to my ministry, He wants you to be connected to a faith that continues to step out without knowing how.

I have many people trying to micromanage me or hoping that they know everything about anything, but the truth is – I don’t even know where I’m staying tomorrow but God just says go.

That’s how I live now.

I don’t have my ducks in a row, I just get on the bus.

Sometimes I don’t know how the charge went through on my debit card but days like this, because of the weekend, I’m amazed that a lot of pending charges haven’t gone through and I can use it freely.

I live in a dimension of life that most don’t understand.

Why would a Buddhist/atheist at a bus stop donate $100 after telling him my testimony? I don’t know. God moved His heart. He said he donates to homeless people and I asked if he would donate to me. He said yes of course, a woman on her own, it’s incredible he said.

Why would a cashier just tell me he never met his dad? To a customer like me? So that I could give him my contact info and most likely meet with him after…I told him that I didn’t see my dad for 10 years and that I understood.

People think by understanding everything I’m doing that I’ve qualified under their list of qualifications to receive their financial support, but I don’t need it.

Not if I’m going to be scrutinized and manipulated.

God’s provision and blessing does not need human qualifications. I’m qualified by Jesus’ blood alone and I don’t need to bend and break for peoples’ approval- Christians or non-Christians.

If I’m outcasted by the majority of Christians I’m okay with that. I’m approved if by God, not man.

Why would God use a young woman like me? Jesus’ blood qualified me, not my education or ordained position at a church. Not my title as a pastor or prophet, not my smarts or eloquent words…I’m qualified by Jesus’ sacrifice!

Nothing else. Not by how much I read the Bible or how much I pray, not by church attendance or how much I love people.

And what continues to gain my access and provision is my choice to believe it’s by His finished work and not by my works!

If you give you give because Jesus gave it to you, not because you feel obligated to. You’re free to do whatever you want!

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Chinese man at the Airbnb I stayed at

Prophetic Word- God Is Going To Fulfill Your Longing

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Proverbs 13:12

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

I feel like this age is a golden age. Last night I dreamed that people were wearing shimmering golden clothes. I felt like God was highlighting upgrades, promotions and new callings.

He is saying “PICK UP THAT DREAM AGAIN!”

You might be wondering- then why the heck did He tell me drop it in the first place.

You didn’t know your identity back then. You were striving. You lived out of an orphan mentality. As I’m writing this I can feel an ache in my heart. 

I’m also listening to Korean drama music because Korean dramas have a special place in my heart, it’s almost how my heart processes emotions. That moment when a 2 people finally kiss in a Korean drama is epic.

Because it’s that moment when you feel like “THEY FINALLY GOT WHAT THEY WANT!” Usually in the whole drama you’re fighting your own emotions, you’re crying and you’re yelling at the in-laws for trying to stop these 2 people from being together. There is usually an evil mother in law, or a grandpa who doesn’t want the couple to be happy. 

Usually these evil minded people have unfulfilled desires themselves and have lived in suffering much of their lives.

So you think- okay, seriously? So because you’ve suffered, I have to suffer to?

Which I realize is the case with me, I don’t have to suffer just because my parents suffered. I don’t have to suffer just because my relatives suffered.

I can have happiness.

I can have what I want.

So what is God calling me back to?

A place of resting from 10 months of ministry. I’ve hit my 10 months on May 14. I dropped everything, left my career ambitions to follow Jesus. It’s not that these ambitions were evil, but God just had a different season for me. He was asking me to walk in TRUST.

And trust I did. I went without knowing how I would survive, financially. I kept going even when I saw no way out. I prayed and prophesied over thousands of people. I gained the support and friendships of hundreds of people all over the world. I met Christian sisters and brothers, I called people into their destiny- some were called to be pastors, missionaries, actors, engineers, musicians, artists. 

I went to Taiwan, Korean, Japan, South Africa, China, Hong Kong, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, Samoa (14 countries total). 

I arrived in South Africa with $20 in my pocket and a credit card. When I didn’t know how I could go on God told me to come out with my story and purpose. I started fundraising. But somehow I would just have enough for what I needed. 

I was in Thailand, Bangkok going to Chiangmai and had a few bucks left when someone anonymous (who had been reading my blog) sent in $30. I was anxious that I wouldn’t survive but God provided again.

We are now friends and she said she felt compelled to send $30, which was the age Jesus started the ministry- and was also the age I started mine. Since then I’ve talked to her on Facetime and she is now courageously stepping into what God has called her to (I believe in YOU!). 

God is not calling everyone to sell everything and follow Him in the sense that I did. Your calling may be to be an artist and to be an influence in the art world. You may be called to write books.

This morning I woke up with downloads from God. He said “write this down”. He had recently told me to start a class called “the abundance of God”. He showed me abundance actually had nothing to do with money. I will be sharing more in the Facebook group. If you’d like to join, send $50 registration fee to https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien or https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

I’ve always known I’d be famous. I don’t say that in vanity.

I always saw myself in TV, in movies, speaking on stage, writing books, producing creative projects, being an entrepreneur, owning multiple businesses, maybe be a politician.

Because these 10 months God has put me through the fire. I’ve stayed in dorms with 8 other people or more, I’ve endured heat and cold. I’ve had flus and food poisoning. I’ve experienced more than you can imagine without the security of a paycheck or a backing of a church- but TRUSTING IN JESUS CHRIST ALONE! 

That’s what I mean by not living in the fear of lack or fear of not being enough. He’s taught me to ask for help, and to know my worth. He’s taught me to fight feelings of lack or to discern spirits in other people. I’ve prophesied over thousands of people and called people into their destiny. I’ve spoken no condemnation over those who feel ashamed or guilty, condemned.

It’s time to run after what you actually want. WHAT DO YOU WANT? 

GO AFTER IT!

Sow a seed-

 

 

You Are Enough – The Message of The Cross

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I realized this morning that I’m scared of happiness. I’m scared to be happy.

All my life I lived in the shadows of a broken home and unworthiness seemed to follow me wherever I went.

I started to see my worth when I understood grace, a finished work that required no work of my own but that Jesus finished the work for me.

Yet when I see a happy couple or family, my heart is doubtful.

I want to find flaws and I want to know they’ve struggled, I want to see brokenness, I want to know I’m not the only one who has struggled or is struggling.

At the same time I don’t want my pessimism to touch them, to infect their happiness.

I just heard the Lord say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.

I deserve happiness and I deserve to be loved. I deserve to have.

I am worthy. I am worthy. I am worthy.

Growing up I felt like God owed me a great deal for the way I grew up. I was always fighting to survive. There was always a conflict, a struggle, a battle and I often felt restless.

I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, unable to feel like myself in this world.

Just receive, sometimes it’s easier to give than to receive. Because to receive you must believe you are worthy of it. 

But when you feel unworthy, you’ll refuse the help.

Sometimes we’re afraid to give because we’re afraid we will lack or not have enough.

Both comes from a fear of lack.

But in Christ we are whole and not lacking and only in loving can we understand grace, that it is all sufficient and not lacking.

Your worth isn’t in how you grew up, what situation or circumstance you are in now. Your worth is in being a child of God, knowing Jesus died for you to make you whole.

They don’t have more than you do- the ones you think have more financially, relationally, etc.

You have everything you need to do what you need to do.

My friend told me she felt depressed as she is unmarried, broke and traveling but the truth is she has everything that she needs- Jesus.

Even though I’m living in a beautiful house, I am a beautiful house.

I am the beautiful car, I am the delicious food, I am a happily married couple.

I am everything that I could ever want.

That is wholeness…realizing you are enough and you are not lacking.

You might be divorced, without income, childless, unmarried, but you are not less than those with a happy family.

God died for you in whatever circumstance you’re in and he made you pure as snow, whole, not lacking. 

He filled every imperfection, discrepancy, every hole, every feeling of lack and said you are complete.

You are not complete when you have more, you are not complete when your bills are paid, you are not complete when you get married, you are not complete when your kids are grown, you are not complete when you’re disease free- you are complete and whole NOW because of the BLOOD OF JESUS.

The danger in accruing blessings is that we start to think our worth is based on what we have when the truth is our worth comes from the finished work of Jesus.

You are blessed when your parents disapprove or approve of you.

You are blessed when you are in need or not in need.

You are blessed with or without a husband/wife.

You are blessed whether you are in the greatest or worst shape of your life.

You are blessed whether you have debt or not.

You are blessed because of the blood of Jesus. In the Spirit al is finished. That is our true identity as Kings and Queens.

We need to see people for who they really are. We call and prophesy people into who they really are- not by taking pity.

Even if you never preach like TD Jakes- you are whole and enough.

Even if your ministry never becomes as big as Hillsong, you are enough.

Even if no one knows or recognizes you for your service to God and people,  you are enough.

Even if you don’t write a book, you are enough.

Even if you are a backstage person and the lime light never shines on you, you are enough.

Even if no church affirms or approves of what God put on the inside of you, you are enough.

God will use the unexpected people to show His power because it’s not by might or flesh, but by the power of the Spirit. So if you are young or old, you feel like a failure, you feel like your life has fallen apart and you feel ashamed of your past- know that God’s power is most mighty in the ones who have no power of their own, no ability of their own. We have to get back to being a child of God, being unable on our own, being fully reliant on Jesus our savior. 

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. 

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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Overcoming Disappointment

Tomorrow I turn 31 (February 11).

I am not home (Los Angeles) but in Perth, Australia. I should be excited to be here, but I’m not. I feel a bit of sadness. This morning I cried. I was thinking about how I didn’t celebrate any birthdays the last few years with friends because I didn’t have the heart to.

But in crying and sharing my disappointment I got to hear a roommate’s story and pray for her. Everyone has a story and a past.

I had a dream I was on a helicopter going through 7 oceans, it was so beautiful. I knew it was heaven and when I woke up my heart was pounding out of my chest.

My heart longs for restoration, beauty. Yet, the last few birthdays were far from beautiful. They were filled with disappointments. And even though I went to Cancun with my mom and there were beautiful moments, they were overshadowed by her nagging about turning 30.

Even after 7 months of ministry, my mom does not understand what I do.

The path of a pioneer is difficult. 

This year won’t be the same, I will fulfill my promises- says the Lord. 

I will trade your ashes for beauty. 

I wish someone understood. 

I do says the Lord. I do.

You are not alone,  you are not alone. 

Sometimes our hearts are so tired we don’t think we can go on, but just as I was writing this another long term backpacker gave me a duck plush toy.

And then just as I was writing this, he got an extra lemonade from the machine and he said who wants it? I said “ME!”

God is funny that way.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. 

Right now funds are needed to buy a flight to the next city God is directing me to.

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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Isaiah 54 New International Version (NIV)

The Future Glory of Zion

54 “Sing, barren woman,
    you who never bore a child;
burst into song, shout for joy,
    you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
    than of her who has a husband,”
says the Lord.
“Enlarge the place of your tent,
    stretch your tent curtains wide,
    do not hold back;
lengthen your cords,
    strengthen your stakes.
For you will spread out to the right and to the left;
    your descendants will dispossess nations
    and settle in their desolate cities.

“Do not be afraid; you will not be put to shame.
    Do not fear disgrace; you will not be humiliated.
You will forget the shame of your youth
    and remember no more the reproach of your widowhood.
For your Maker is your husband—
    the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
    he is called the God of all the earth.
The Lord will call you back
    as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
    only to be rejected,” says your God.
“For a brief moment I abandoned you,
    but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
In a surge of anger
    I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
    I will have compassion on you,”
    says the Lord your Redeemer.

“To me this is like the days of Noah,
    when I swore that the waters of Noah would never again cover the earth.
So now I have sworn not to be angry with you,
    never to rebuke you again.
10 Though the mountains be shaken
    and the hills be removed,
yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken
    nor my covenant of peace be removed,”
    says the Lord, who has compassion on you.

A Persevering Love

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A family I met in a cafe in Indonesia

I had a dream that I got married to someone God chose for me but I was doubtful that this man knew what I needed or wanted.

There are days where God tells me to pray for people but I withhold my heart because love can be tiring if you are not refueled by God.

Sometimes if we have the wrong view of God, in ministry, it’s easy to start seeing God as a tyrant.

“I am pushing your heart to come out of its cave and have no reserve, to live in the boldness of having an open heart”.

I can’t take it anymore, I have no more capacity to love – I tell God. I have no more boldness or capacity to talk to another stranger, to ask to pray for someone and risk them laughing at me or telling me no or looking at me like I am crazy.

As I write this I feel emotions welling up in my eyes as tears spring forth.

This is living with an open heart.

God is love and if we are to be more like God, God pushes our hearts to expand and to love in ways we cannot possibly love in our own flesh.

Because the truth is it’s all too easy to live l life in solitary confinement, but ministry for the last 7 months on the road, to almost 10 countries, living in 6-12 bed dorm rooms in close proximity to people have forced me to live with an open heart.

The music blasting from a club downstairs, a roommate that snores like guys fighting on the street, hearing the type of stories that make you feel like your heart is being poked out by a sword, it’s not easy to open your heart when you just want to be protected from the world, a world that is damaged, tired and worn out. 

After a few days, you have to cry.

Because you feel like your heart is being stretched like a rubber band and you start to feel numb. 

Today God kept telling me to pray for people and some I did, but I started getting really annoyed. I didn’t know what I was feeling but I said to God – “I feel unloved”.

I felt tired, worn out, exhausted.

There are times (like in the dream), I doubt whether God really knows what He is doing, especially with me.

But after taking a nap, I woke up and prayed for a guy whose leg was injured.

I also thought about how my roommate, when she started talking to someone on the phone with a friend, her face lit up….how we all are humans longing for love and when we feel unloved, we are unable to feel alive.

More than the things in the world, we long for human connection. We want to know that we are loved and appreciated.

And in that moment again I heard God say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.

Part of my thoughts also had to do with lack, feeling so stretched in having to trust God for the finances to go forward to every city. He often provides enough for this city, but then I usually don’t have the finances for the next city.

This kind of faith stretches me, this kind of life makes me trust on a level I never knew I could trust. 

But again His work is finished on the cross, and so I relax into His perfect plan.

Dear God- I won’t doubt you even though sometimes it’s hard to trust you. It’s scary at times, I feel that my heart can’t go on. I reckon this is what marriage looks like, this is what your love looks like. Your love is a love that never gives up. God fuel me right now with your love. I need to know that your love is enough for me and that your grace is sufficient for me. Without you, I cannot do nothing. Thank you for dying on the cross for me. Your love is enough for me. In Jesus name. Amen.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. Everyday I am ministering to and praying for people and sharing the love of Christ with them.

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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