Why I Am Saving Myself For Marriage

I heard the Lord say “write it now”. It’s 7:51am here in Auckland.

More than anything, I want a family. I love babies and have been seeing a lot of babies lately. Because of what I didn’t grow up with- a wholesome family with two parents, I desire what I didn’t have.

As I was thinking about this, I felt heartsick. Not only have I been waiting for my husband, I’ve been waiting for sexual intimacy.

I’m a 31 virgin.

Sure I am not a prude and know more about sexual foreplay than most people who have sex – being honest and blunt here because people have a misunderstanding about “virgins”. And I understand my women parts more than most. And yes this is super honest, I know how to climax without intercourse. I’ve had my share of experience and yes I’ve dated men.

I knew how to masturbate at a young age. It involved a floor and my pelvis. Our women parts are intricate but not complicated. However why at a young age I learned to do it? I was lonely and my parents were not home most of the time so it filled a void in my heart.

Our sexual desires always reflects our hearts’ longings for emotional intimacy.

Why did I choose to wait to have sex until marriage?

Of course they taught this at church, but more than anything I wanted to save my heart for my husband.

Because as years went by I saw how broken hearted my friends were after a one night stand.

I had guys tell me “why would I call her again, I already slept with her” as if it was a movie he watched already or a bucket list item.

If we are honest here, any type of physical contact marks our hearts and causes a bond.

I don’t save myself out of guilt or condemnation because there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

I have waited this long because I know I’m worthy of love, not just lust or physical attraction. I respect myself too much to give into a physical desire.

And women are actually moved by words, affirmation more than anything. An intimate and supportive emotional connection turns a women on more than touch. She is wired for emotional connection. She is wired by a sense of security, a man who cherishes and loves her and opens his own heart to her.

A woman desires a man to be vulnerable, open, communicative.

So as I put my story out here, I want to encourage all those who are waiting. Even if you’ve decided to be celibate until marriage, it’s worth the wait.

Any man who will in an instant sleep with you doesn’t respect you.

A man who truly loves you will wait, and not only for you, but for his own heart.

What I’ve found is that men will stop respecting you when they know they can get your in pants instantaneously but they will somehow have an emotional attachment to you when they know you’re not “easy”.

And if you didn’t wait, that’s okay.

All things are new in Christ Jesus. He does not condemn anyone. He loves you.

But you are worth more than a physical release – which to be honest, is often what sex is for some guys. They’ve shut their hearts down so much, they think one physical release can satisfy their shut down hearts. It’s like all this pent up emotions they can’t seem to express with words.

I know this is an intensely personal post but I pray it may bring some relief to your heart.

God loves you and wants the best for you.

You deserve the best.

I am by far perfect. One of my top love language is touch so you can imagine my struggle. But I know God’s best is out there for me and I’m meeting him soon.

I wanted to add that in order to live out God’s best for you you must receive Jesus into your heart. When you know Jesus died on the cross for you and you are no longer an orphan, the Holy Spirit dwells within you and causes you to transform from the inside out.

He will supernaturally heal your heart, take you away from bad habits and harmful desires. It’s all Him, not self discipline! His grace changes everything!

The more you understand grace, the more your life will improve!

Today if you haven’t received Jesus into your heart ask Jesus to enter your heart, trust that He has taken all your sins and mistakes on the cross and you are free now, a child of God, uncondemned!

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Thank you!

Rebekka

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You Are Enough

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Divorced parents? Check.
Failed businesses and careers? Check.
Been on an island with a few bucks left? Check.
Been rejected and outcasted? Check.
Considered running away and ending my life? Check.
Heartache, betrayal, brokenness? Check.
Debt and poverty? Check.
Feelings of unworthiness and lack? Check.
I’ve been through almost every kind of issues or challenges that life could throw my way. Even though I might only be 31, God has delivered me from issues that I can’t even describe until you get on a call with me. The hardships that I went through made me stronger.
I might not have a million dollars and live in a big house on top of a hill but what the Lord has showed me is that wherever you are, you are enough and not lacking. And your worth is not dependent on what you have or where you are in life, but who you are- a child of God.
So what qualifies me? The grace of God.
The finished work of Jesus on the cross. It’s not because my life is always together, I am not perfect, I am vulnerable, needy, challenged at times, scared at times- but Jesus has finished the work on the cross and because of that, I am enough, I am not lacking, I am whole, complete, without blemish in God’s eyes.
I am not working to be more or enough, I am enough because He finished the work.
I want you to get there, to get to the point where you can continue looking yourself in the eyes and say “I am enough”- no matter how much someone accuses you of being less than, no matter how much your parents pressure you to be more “successful”, no matter how much money is in your wallet, no matter what situation you are in life- you, are, enough. Period.
So why do you even need a coach?
Sometimes life can hit you so hard continuously that you think “I am not enough…because this and that happened to me, because my parents abused me, because my friends betrayed me, because my ex cheated on me, because my ex lied to me, because I grew up poor, because we couldn’t afford anything, because…..”
We think circumstances define us and tell us who we are; but the truth is- your circumstances don’t define you and it does not tell you your worth.
Your worth shouldn’t change based on what circumstances you are in, your worth is immovable. You can be sleeping in your car and the Lord will still reassure you “you are enough”. His presence is just as powerful.
Life hit me enough times for me to say to the Devil “I am enough no matter what you try to throw at me”.
Rejection hit. Ridicule hit me. My own family accused me. My friends betrayed me. Debt hit me. And I thought, I’m not able to fix anything, I’m helpless. That was exactly where God needed me.
He says “my grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in your weakness”.
So you think your life has fallen apart?
That’s a good place to be, His grace is sufficient. Think you don’t have what it takes? Perfect, look to the cross, look to His finished work, not your insufficiency or inadequacy.
I realized that I had to be broken down to my knees for me to realize how powerful God’s grace truly is. If I could have accomplished anything on my own, I would’ve said “I did it myself”.
Rebekkalien@gmail.com
Want to chat? Shoot me an email. Coaching sessions are via Facetime, Skype or FB messenger.
I prophesy that the most powerful and successful businesses, ventures are not those that pride in their own strength, but those who boast nothing but in the finished work of the cross.
Give-

 

As A Child, Depending On God

Breaking out of fear of lack: This journey recently has really challenged me to live like today is my last day. To not worry about tomorrow. There are times money is so tight I worry about the next day and God is just like – use what you have for today and tomorrow I will provide for where you will stay and what you will eat.
It’s literally living without fear of anything. Fear of danger, fear of lack, fear of tomorrow. When we are children, we learn to rely on our parents. It’s a given, we don’t think about it. But when we grow up we are taught to be self-sufficient. We are afraid to ask for help, we think it’s shameful to not be able to be independent. But none of us are meant to be self-sufficient. God wants us to be like children at all times. 

God is our father and He will provide all things according to His riches in glory.
So don’t clamp onto what He already gave you. Use it and He will provide more.
Our fear of tomorrow often has us holding onto what needs to be used for today, and we never really step into our purpose or destiny because we are worried about a future that never comes.

I see kids playing at the arcade and I’m reminded how kids rarely have a lot of money but when they run out they ask their parents for more.
God wants us to live like this in perfect faith that he will always provide when we run out.

God doesn’t want us to be self sufficient he wants us to be like children.

As I was writing this I saw a girl dancing in Burger King. Right before I found myself singing to the Burger King songs playing and she started singing too.

I had just moved to another hostel today and was feeling lack because I had $20 NZD left for food that day (and just in general and in total). I was worried about tomorrow and where I would stay. I was thinking about tomorrow but not having the energy for today (as the thoughts of lack was pressing down on me and weighing on my heart, truthfully there are just days I doubt that God will come through for me and my mind goes to worse case scenario).

However, there was a man on the opposite bunk bed that was hiccuping. I asked to pray for him and I said “I see you surfing” and he said “yes I surf, is it because you saw my tattoo?” and he turned his forearm. There was a tattoo of waves. I said “no, I didn’t see that at all”.

After that, I was like….I need to get out of this funk and just use my money in faith. So I decided to go to Burger King and have a meal. I guess God wanted me there to meet these girls.

I felt like I needed to pray for these 3 girls, 14 year old high schoolers.

They had such unjaded confidence, perhaps the type of confidence I once had but am finding again.

I ended up praying for them and telling them my testimony and journey. Truthfully sometimes when I pray for people, I am actually learning more from them than anything. They were all Christians too.

I remember when I was 14. I wanted to change the world and I believed that I could. I had a heart for women, and I wanted to rescue women from human trafficking. I thought that anything was possible.

I am slowly believing that again, but life sometimes have a way of getting you down.

All things are possible with God. 

Anything is possible. 

Help us to have a hope of a 14 year old.

Prayer:

Dear God- I pray that you will help our hearts to trust you completely, as children. I pray that we will not rely on ourselves, but the heavenly Father who richly provides. I pray that you will rid our hearts of the fear of lack. So often we grow up relying on our parents but when it comes time we move out and we think we have to be self-sufficient.

But God you desire us to be like little children, daily trusting you.

God today we trust you completely. You’ve never let us down. Rid our minds of the fear of the future. Our future is in your hands, not ours. You are our Father and you provide for us. Thank you for loving us. In Jesus name Amen!

When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”

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Fearless Coaching

God said “it’s time to relaunch your coaching business”.

Are you in need of inner healing? Do you feel stuck? Do you feel like there is cloud over your head. 
Get set free. 

I will help you maneuver through the confusions of life and give you spiritual and emotional insight into what is actually happening.

+overcome fear
+move through debilitating transitions 
+make changes in your life 
+overcome romantic traumas and move forward into healthy relationships 
+get freed from living for others’ approval

+ have feelings of shame? Insecurities that prevent you from going for what you want?

God wants you to live in freedom!!! The good news is I have been through all kinds of oppression and have overcome what I’ve talked about. Regret, fear, shame, guilt? Been there. Failed relationships and friendships? Been there. Divorced parents? Been there.

Never ending feeling of I’m not enough? Been there?

God has stabilized my identity in Him so much that I’ve gotten to the point in life that I know I am enough no matter the circumstances.

I’ve arrived. Not in my circumstances, but in my identity.

I want you to have the same confidence. I want you to live without fear.

I am a Los Angeles based coach who is currently in New Zealand (or some other country). Coaching sessions are conducted via video calls.

All sessions are completed via Skype, FaceTime or fb messenger video! $89 usd for an hour intro coaching session. Get unstuck!

Submit your payment to and send me an email at rebekkalien@gmail.com with the answer to “why you would like to get coaching”.

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You Are Enough – The Message of The Cross

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I realized this morning that I’m scared of happiness. I’m scared to be happy.

All my life I lived in the shadows of a broken home and unworthiness seemed to follow me wherever I went.

I started to see my worth when I understood grace, a finished work that required no work of my own but that Jesus finished the work for me.

Yet when I see a happy couple or family, my heart is doubtful.

I want to find flaws and I want to know they’ve struggled, I want to see brokenness, I want to know I’m not the only one who has struggled or is struggling.

At the same time I don’t want my pessimism to touch them, to infect their happiness.

I just heard the Lord say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.

I deserve happiness and I deserve to be loved. I deserve to have.

I am worthy. I am worthy. I am worthy.

Growing up I felt like God owed me a great deal for the way I grew up. I was always fighting to survive. There was always a conflict, a struggle, a battle and I often felt restless.

I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, unable to feel like myself in this world.

Just receive, sometimes it’s easier to give than to receive. Because to receive you must believe you are worthy of it. 

But when you feel unworthy, you’ll refuse the help.

Sometimes we’re afraid to give because we’re afraid we will lack or not have enough.

Both comes from a fear of lack.

But in Christ we are whole and not lacking and only in loving can we understand grace, that it is all sufficient and not lacking.

Your worth isn’t in how you grew up, what situation or circumstance you are in now. Your worth is in being a child of God, knowing Jesus died for you to make you whole.

They don’t have more than you do- the ones you think have more financially, relationally, etc.

You have everything you need to do what you need to do.

My friend told me she felt depressed as she is unmarried, broke and traveling but the truth is she has everything that she needs- Jesus.

Even though I’m living in a beautiful house, I am a beautiful house.

I am the beautiful car, I am the delicious food, I am a happily married couple.

I am everything that I could ever want.

That is wholeness…realizing you are enough and you are not lacking.

You might be divorced, without income, childless, unmarried, but you are not less than those with a happy family.

God died for you in whatever circumstance you’re in and he made you pure as snow, whole, not lacking. 

He filled every imperfection, discrepancy, every hole, every feeling of lack and said you are complete.

You are not complete when you have more, you are not complete when your bills are paid, you are not complete when you get married, you are not complete when your kids are grown, you are not complete when you’re disease free- you are complete and whole NOW because of the BLOOD OF JESUS.

The danger in accruing blessings is that we start to think our worth is based on what we have when the truth is our worth comes from the finished work of Jesus.

You are blessed when your parents disapprove or approve of you.

You are blessed when you are in need or not in need.

You are blessed with or without a husband/wife.

You are blessed whether you are in the greatest or worst shape of your life.

You are blessed whether you have debt or not.

You are blessed because of the blood of Jesus. In the Spirit al is finished. That is our true identity as Kings and Queens.

We need to see people for who they really are. We call and prophesy people into who they really are- not by taking pity.

Even if you never preach like TD Jakes- you are whole and enough.

Even if your ministry never becomes as big as Hillsong, you are enough.

Even if no one knows or recognizes you for your service to God and people,  you are enough.

Even if you don’t write a book, you are enough.

Even if you are a backstage person and the lime light never shines on you, you are enough.

Even if no church affirms or approves of what God put on the inside of you, you are enough.

God will use the unexpected people to show His power because it’s not by might or flesh, but by the power of the Spirit. So if you are young or old, you feel like a failure, you feel like your life has fallen apart and you feel ashamed of your past- know that God’s power is most mighty in the ones who have no power of their own, no ability of their own. We have to get back to being a child of God, being unable on our own, being fully reliant on Jesus our savior. 

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. 

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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The Unfolding

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If you were reading my life story, you’d be like wow. This is what happened on my 31st birthday.

A few days ago, I was sitting at a food court and I prayed for a mom and son. I did not know how significant the prophetic vision for the son was until the mom shared about it in small group.

Well, how did I end up in the small group?

I was in Perth and I knew they lived there but I didn’t feel like I was supposed to contact her yet. 4 days in a hostel, the woman contacted me via facebook and told me they were having small group at her house and that I could stay with her. I had a whole week booked at the hostel, but only had 2 more days left.

I made a quick decision while sitting alone on my birthday. I thought to myself “what the heck am I doing, of course I want to be with other Christians on my birthday, of course I want a birthday cake”.

I think I was hesitant because I was afraid of what to expect. 

I had gone through years of being misunderstood by other Christians and on this trip, God had restored my hope in Christian friendships. I had met a lot of religious spirited Christians before and even on this trip. Before knowing my heart, they judged and rejected me. It was hurtful. They judged the form and not the love. 

But God was slowly rebuilding my hope and faith in the church (the body of Christ).

First he restored some old relationships, people who used to be conservative, but now understood the holy spirit.

Then he sent me to my spiritual land (South Africa) where I was celebrated by other brothers and sisters. I was honored, not disgrace.

Then through fundraising, He showed me that people believed in what God was doing through me and that I shouldn’t give up.

He is teaching me to be fearless.

He said this to me –

“It doesn’t matter what people think of you, because whatever accusations they throw at you- they are lies. You are righteous in my eyes and you have a heart of David. Not everyone will understand the anointing you carry or the path you are pioneering, but look to me. I am your covering, no one else. I am enough for you. I am your strong hand, I am your protector and your provider, I am with you always”. 

I mentioned some of the accusations people threw at me while following Jesus, I now realize I can throw them away for good and not let them bother me anymore. It’s crazy how powerful words are. It sticks with you for years and prevents you from seeing new relationships right.

Because God is doing a new thing and we can no longer let our perspective be tainted by the past. 

No more woundedness, walking out into the light.

I am crying thinking about all the pain I felt from being rejected and misunderstood for so long while clinging onto Jesus and following a path that was unpioneered. When you finally meet people who have been through it or people who admire you instead of judge you, it’s like a really bad wrong that has been righted by God. 

There is no one like Jesus.

I promise you that even though some people reject you, you are walking into a season where you will be celebrated- but you must be willing to expose your heart again. 

The fear of rejection and judgement is real. But God wants us to be so firm in our identity that we will not waver but be brave, be bold and go forth to conquer the land that is ours. 

It doesn’t matter who thinks what about you, the only thought that matters is God’s and His thoughts are love towards you.

You are worthy. You are worthy in God’s eyes. My love is real for you says the Lord. My heart burns for you. I died on the cross for you, I was thinking of you says the Lord.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. 

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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A Persevering Love

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A family I met in a cafe in Indonesia

I had a dream that I got married to someone God chose for me but I was doubtful that this man knew what I needed or wanted.

There are days where God tells me to pray for people but I withhold my heart because love can be tiring if you are not refueled by God.

Sometimes if we have the wrong view of God, in ministry, it’s easy to start seeing God as a tyrant.

“I am pushing your heart to come out of its cave and have no reserve, to live in the boldness of having an open heart”.

I can’t take it anymore, I have no more capacity to love – I tell God. I have no more boldness or capacity to talk to another stranger, to ask to pray for someone and risk them laughing at me or telling me no or looking at me like I am crazy.

As I write this I feel emotions welling up in my eyes as tears spring forth.

This is living with an open heart.

God is love and if we are to be more like God, God pushes our hearts to expand and to love in ways we cannot possibly love in our own flesh.

Because the truth is it’s all too easy to live l life in solitary confinement, but ministry for the last 7 months on the road, to almost 10 countries, living in 6-12 bed dorm rooms in close proximity to people have forced me to live with an open heart.

The music blasting from a club downstairs, a roommate that snores like guys fighting on the street, hearing the type of stories that make you feel like your heart is being poked out by a sword, it’s not easy to open your heart when you just want to be protected from the world, a world that is damaged, tired and worn out. 

After a few days, you have to cry.

Because you feel like your heart is being stretched like a rubber band and you start to feel numb. 

Today God kept telling me to pray for people and some I did, but I started getting really annoyed. I didn’t know what I was feeling but I said to God – “I feel unloved”.

I felt tired, worn out, exhausted.

There are times (like in the dream), I doubt whether God really knows what He is doing, especially with me.

But after taking a nap, I woke up and prayed for a guy whose leg was injured.

I also thought about how my roommate, when she started talking to someone on the phone with a friend, her face lit up….how we all are humans longing for love and when we feel unloved, we are unable to feel alive.

More than the things in the world, we long for human connection. We want to know that we are loved and appreciated.

And in that moment again I heard God say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.

Part of my thoughts also had to do with lack, feeling so stretched in having to trust God for the finances to go forward to every city. He often provides enough for this city, but then I usually don’t have the finances for the next city.

This kind of faith stretches me, this kind of life makes me trust on a level I never knew I could trust. 

But again His work is finished on the cross, and so I relax into His perfect plan.

Dear God- I won’t doubt you even though sometimes it’s hard to trust you. It’s scary at times, I feel that my heart can’t go on. I reckon this is what marriage looks like, this is what your love looks like. Your love is a love that never gives up. God fuel me right now with your love. I need to know that your love is enough for me and that your grace is sufficient for me. Without you, I cannot do nothing. Thank you for dying on the cross for me. Your love is enough for me. In Jesus name. Amen.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. Everyday I am ministering to and praying for people and sharing the love of Christ with them.

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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