You Are Enough – The Message of The Cross

animal-aquatic-corals-847393

I realized this morning that I’m scared of happiness. I’m scared to be happy.

All my life I lived in the shadows of a broken home and unworthiness seemed to follow me wherever I went.

I started to see my worth when I understood grace, a finished work that required no work of my own but that Jesus finished the work for me.

Yet when I see a happy couple or family, my heart is doubtful.

I want to find flaws and I want to know they’ve struggled, I want to see brokenness, I want to know I’m not the only one who has struggled or is struggling.

At the same time I don’t want my pessimism to touch them, to infect their happiness.

I just heard the Lord say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.

I deserve happiness and I deserve to be loved. I deserve to have.

I am worthy. I am worthy. I am worthy.

Growing up I felt like God owed me a great deal for the way I grew up. I was always fighting to survive. There was always a conflict, a struggle, a battle and I often felt restless.

I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, unable to feel like myself in this world.

Just receive, sometimes it’s easier to give than to receive. Because to receive you must believe you are worthy of it. 

But when you feel unworthy, you’ll refuse the help.

Sometimes we’re afraid to give because we’re afraid we will lack or not have enough.

Both comes from a fear of lack.

But in Christ we are whole and not lacking and only in loving can we understand grace, that it is all sufficient and not lacking.

Your worth isn’t in how you grew up, what situation or circumstance you are in now. Your worth is in being a child of God, knowing Jesus died for you to make you whole.

They don’t have more than you do- the ones you think have more financially, relationally, etc.

You have everything you need to do what you need to do.

My friend told me she felt depressed as she is unmarried, broke and traveling but the truth is she has everything that she needs- Jesus.

Even though I’m living in a beautiful house, I am a beautiful house.

I am the beautiful car, I am the delicious food, I am a happily married couple.

I am everything that I could ever want.

That is wholeness…realizing you are enough and you are not lacking.

You might be divorced, without income, childless, unmarried, but you are not less than those with a happy family.

God died for you in whatever circumstance you’re in and he made you pure as snow, whole, not lacking. 

He filled every imperfection, discrepancy, every hole, every feeling of lack and said you are complete.

You are not complete when you have more, you are not complete when your bills are paid, you are not complete when you get married, you are not complete when your kids are grown, you are not complete when you’re disease free- you are complete and whole NOW because of the BLOOD OF JESUS.

The danger in accruing blessings is that we start to think our worth is based on what we have when the truth is our worth comes from the finished work of Jesus.

You are blessed when your parents disapprove or approve of you.

You are blessed when you are in need or not in need.

You are blessed with or without a husband/wife.

You are blessed whether you are in the greatest or worst shape of your life.

You are blessed whether you have debt or not.

You are blessed because of the blood of Jesus. In the Spirit al is finished. That is our true identity as Kings and Queens.

We need to see people for who they really are. We call and prophesy people into who they really are- not by taking pity.

Even if you never preach like TD Jakes- you are whole and enough.

Even if your ministry never becomes as big as Hillsong, you are enough.

Even if no one knows or recognizes you for your service to God and people,  you are enough.

Even if you don’t write a book, you are enough.

Even if you are a backstage person and the lime light never shines on you, you are enough.

Even if no church affirms or approves of what God put on the inside of you, you are enough.

God will use the unexpected people to show His power because it’s not by might or flesh, but by the power of the Spirit. So if you are young or old, you feel like a failure, you feel like your life has fallen apart and you feel ashamed of your past- know that God’s power is most mighty in the ones who have no power of their own, no ability of their own. We have to get back to being a child of God, being unable on our own, being fully reliant on Jesus our savior. 

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. 

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Advertisements

The Unfolding

51843775_2339047799651682_4525644290046558208_n52001171_350694158866187_5917183156733083648_n

If you were reading my life story, you’d be like wow. This is what happened on my 31st birthday.

A few days ago, I was sitting at a food court and I prayed for a mom and son. I did not know how significant the prophetic vision for the son was until the mom shared about it in small group.

Well, how did I end up in the small group?

I was in Perth and I knew they lived there but I didn’t feel like I was supposed to contact her yet. 4 days in a hostel, the woman contacted me via facebook and told me they were having small group at her house and that I could stay with her. I had a whole week booked at the hostel, but only had 2 more days left.

I made a quick decision while sitting alone on my birthday. I thought to myself “what the heck am I doing, of course I want to be with other Christians on my birthday, of course I want a birthday cake”.

I think I was hesitant because I was afraid of what to expect. 

I had gone through years of being misunderstood by other Christians and on this trip, God had restored my hope in Christian friendships. I had met a lot of religious spirited Christians before and even on this trip. Before knowing my heart, they judged and rejected me. It was hurtful. They judged the form and not the love. 

But God was slowly rebuilding my hope and faith in the church (the body of Christ).

First he restored some old relationships, people who used to be conservative, but now understood the holy spirit.

Then he sent me to my spiritual land (South Africa) where I was celebrated by other brothers and sisters. I was honored, not disgrace.

Then through fundraising, He showed me that people believed in what God was doing through me and that I shouldn’t give up.

He is teaching me to be fearless.

He said this to me –

“It doesn’t matter what people think of you, because whatever accusations they throw at you- they are lies. You are righteous in my eyes and you have a heart of David. Not everyone will understand the anointing you carry or the path you are pioneering, but look to me. I am your covering, no one else. I am enough for you. I am your strong hand, I am your protector and your provider, I am with you always”. 

I mentioned some of the accusations people threw at me while following Jesus, I now realize I can throw them away for good and not let them bother me anymore. It’s crazy how powerful words are. It sticks with you for years and prevents you from seeing new relationships right.

Because God is doing a new thing and we can no longer let our perspective be tainted by the past. 

No more woundedness, walking out into the light.

I am crying thinking about all the pain I felt from being rejected and misunderstood for so long while clinging onto Jesus and following a path that was unpioneered. When you finally meet people who have been through it or people who admire you instead of judge you, it’s like a really bad wrong that has been righted by God. 

There is no one like Jesus.

I promise you that even though some people reject you, you are walking into a season where you will be celebrated- but you must be willing to expose your heart again. 

The fear of rejection and judgement is real. But God wants us to be so firm in our identity that we will not waver but be brave, be bold and go forth to conquer the land that is ours. 

It doesn’t matter who thinks what about you, the only thought that matters is God’s and His thoughts are love towards you.

You are worthy. You are worthy in God’s eyes. My love is real for you says the Lord. My heart burns for you. I died on the cross for you, I was thinking of you says the Lord.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. 

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

A Persevering Love

51180718_754213141610503_1047229308709371904_n

A family I met in a cafe in Indonesia

I had a dream that I got married to someone God chose for me but I was doubtful that this man knew what I needed or wanted.

There are days where God tells me to pray for people but I withhold my heart because love can be tiring if you are not refueled by God.

Sometimes if we have the wrong view of God, in ministry, it’s easy to start seeing God as a tyrant.

“I am pushing your heart to come out of its cave and have no reserve, to live in the boldness of having an open heart”.

I can’t take it anymore, I have no more capacity to love – I tell God. I have no more boldness or capacity to talk to another stranger, to ask to pray for someone and risk them laughing at me or telling me no or looking at me like I am crazy.

As I write this I feel emotions welling up in my eyes as tears spring forth.

This is living with an open heart.

God is love and if we are to be more like God, God pushes our hearts to expand and to love in ways we cannot possibly love in our own flesh.

Because the truth is it’s all too easy to live l life in solitary confinement, but ministry for the last 7 months on the road, to almost 10 countries, living in 6-12 bed dorm rooms in close proximity to people have forced me to live with an open heart.

The music blasting from a club downstairs, a roommate that snores like guys fighting on the street, hearing the type of stories that make you feel like your heart is being poked out by a sword, it’s not easy to open your heart when you just want to be protected from the world, a world that is damaged, tired and worn out. 

After a few days, you have to cry.

Because you feel like your heart is being stretched like a rubber band and you start to feel numb. 

Today God kept telling me to pray for people and some I did, but I started getting really annoyed. I didn’t know what I was feeling but I said to God – “I feel unloved”.

I felt tired, worn out, exhausted.

There are times (like in the dream), I doubt whether God really knows what He is doing, especially with me.

But after taking a nap, I woke up and prayed for a guy whose leg was injured.

I also thought about how my roommate, when she started talking to someone on the phone with a friend, her face lit up….how we all are humans longing for love and when we feel unloved, we are unable to feel alive.

More than the things in the world, we long for human connection. We want to know that we are loved and appreciated.

And in that moment again I heard God say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.

Part of my thoughts also had to do with lack, feeling so stretched in having to trust God for the finances to go forward to every city. He often provides enough for this city, but then I usually don’t have the finances for the next city.

This kind of faith stretches me, this kind of life makes me trust on a level I never knew I could trust. 

But again His work is finished on the cross, and so I relax into His perfect plan.

Dear God- I won’t doubt you even though sometimes it’s hard to trust you. It’s scary at times, I feel that my heart can’t go on. I reckon this is what marriage looks like, this is what your love looks like. Your love is a love that never gives up. God fuel me right now with your love. I need to know that your love is enough for me and that your grace is sufficient for me. Without you, I cannot do nothing. Thank you for dying on the cross for me. Your love is enough for me. In Jesus name. Amen.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. Everyday I am ministering to and praying for people and sharing the love of Christ with them.

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

The Only Anguish In My Heart

51308493_2660944573945689_9167397081000706048_n

Another Christian I met in Singapore hostel, we prayed for the country and sang to Jesus together.

The only anguish in my heart is for those that don’t know Jesus.

Today I found myself praying and crying to the Lord. God I pray that people will see the undying love of Christ and come to you.

It can be discouraging when you offer to pray for someone and they straight up say “no we don’t believe”.

Belief is a powerful thing. I sat there in the pool watching them as they silently sat reading their books. Though it seemed like a peaceful villa (I felt led to go there even though it wasn’t where I was staying but you are welcome to go and buy a drink), it seemed ominously quiet.

I thought about how sometimes when we don’t want interference, interruptions, noise, we are actually afraid to open our hearts to something new, maybe love, maybe an undying love named Jesus.

Sometimes we’d rather sit in brokenness than allow love to seep into our hearts. 

Sometimes we’d rather stay wounded than allow healing to occur.

Sometimes we’d rather run to distraction than allow ourselves to face the pain we’ve ignored for most of our lives. 

Even in the partying or celebrations our hearts could be broken.

So I sang out to Jesus- God bring them closer to your heart, bring them closer, bring them home.

The anguish in my heart is feeling like I’ve no control over how people react or how close they are to Jesus. I cannot force someone to see Jesus with their hearts, I cannot force someone to open their hearts.

Sometimes people are open and happy for some prayer, blessing and prophetic word about their life. Sometimes people wave their hand and say “no I don’t believe”. Sometimes they are so wounded they can’t see that true love exists, that betrayal sat too deeply in their memories to be forgiven.

I don’t feel rejected when they say no. I feel pain.

I feel pain that they are looking at the answer, but they are not willing to accept it. 

God has broken my heart for what breaks His. My only anguish is seeing a world full of people in despair and not seeing the One who can deliver them.

I am a drink offering being poured out everyday and I am praying everyday Lord bring them closer to you.

This night the Lord told me to knock on a young man’s door and pray for him. He is staying at the same hostel but in a private room. I wasn’t sure if it was his door but he opened. I said I was leaving tomorrow but that I wanted to pray for him and he said that he is not religious and turned away his face. I said, “okay, Jesus loves you”.

God break off the numbness in our hearts that prevent us from receiving your love. Your love is so amazing, it is wonderful, it is indescribable. You died on the cross for us and you thought of everyone of us. Your love captivates my heart. Your love is the only love worth living for. You healed my heart and I am longing for all people to know this love, this love that gives me rest and comfort. I pray this in Jesus name.

I am reminded of the story of Hosea. He married a harlot and the harlot, instead of wanting to be loved by one man,  went back to her old ways and lived a life of prostitution. Yet, Hosea waited for her. 

I am reminded that God waits for us and His love has no bounds. He continues to knock on our doors without asking for anything in return.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you.

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Destroying the Religious Spirit

images

For some reason the more I follow Jesus the more I see the religious spirit rise up in people against me.

Nowhere in the Bible does it say to go to church every sunday and if it did, Jesus fulfilled every law. Even Jesus worked miracles and healed people on a sunday, and the pharisees were pissed off. 

Our way of living in community and fellowship is severely outdated. There are plenty of people that go to church but have no true community. They have no one to call when they need prayer. Is that what you call church? They have no one they can trust, is that church?

No – church is you and I. Church is the people, not a building. In the bible people met in houses to have church. People fellowshipped on the road. I have communed with believers in Mcdonald’s, on the streets, on a bus. I have prayed for strangers wherever God leads. 

That is church.

If you look at every person in the Bible, they followed Jesus and His spirit, apostle Paul traveled throughout His whole life as the spirit  led to bring the gospel of Grace to people. 

I don’t know why healing people, delivering people and setting people free is so NEW in this world, but apparently it is. Because the religious spirit in Christians rises up SO FIERCE when I tell them I just go where God tells me to go. 

Almost every apostle in the Bible followed Jesus in spreading the gospel of grace. 

Instead of being the ones to weep with those who weep, to love those Jesus sent me to love- the bystanders are criticizing me and doubting me. 

They ask things like “how do you know it’s God who is speaking?”

I’m thinking “do you not see the people who are healed from a broken heart? The people who receive Jesus because of me?”

I’m the one out here weeping with the ones who just lost their mother, the one who is comforting and praying for the lost sheep who lost his wife, I’m the one praying for people on the streets and healing people of sicknesses in the name of Jesus.

I’m the one suffering from diarrhea, bug bites, withstanding the heat, getting colds for the sake of the gospel. So don’t come at me and say “where are you getting fed? You should go to church every sunday” LOL. It’s the spirit of the Lord that teaches me and if The Lord wanted me to go to church every sunday, He would tell me. But He doesn’t, because we have an intimate relationship based out of HIS FINISHED WORK ON THE CROSS (called grace) and not works.

YOU ARE NOT SAVED BY CHURCH ATTENDANCE.

NO WHERE IN THE BIBLE DOES IT SAY TO GO TO CHURCH EVERY SUNDAY. It was the Spirit of The Lord that gave revelation and wisdom to the apostles. It says to gather with believers and break bread. It says “LOVE IS THE FULFILLMENT OF THE LAW”, so please look at your own life, are you loving people as the Lord has called you to? 

When I need encouragement the Lord sends me Christians to encourage me. When I need prayer the Lord sends me Christians to pray for me.

I always have what I need as the Lord is my shepherd, and I lack nothing.

The religious spirit seeks to disqualify people but it is the finished work of God that qualifies you. 

web3-pharisees-public-domain

Pharisees- You can go to church every sunday and be murdering people in the back alleys. You can be singing hallelujah and thinking that you are not saved by grace, but by church attendance. Is that what you think qualifies people to be saved?

I AM LED BY THE SPIRIT OF GOD, I am in a love relationship with Jesus.

So no, I don’t have to explain myself. He says I am enough. Because of His finished work on the cross and where do I get fed? I get fed by Jesus. 

Love Fulfills the Law

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for whoever loves others has fulfilled the law. The commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” “You shall not murder,” “You shall not steal,” “You shall not covet,”[a] and whatever other command there may be, are summed up in this one command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” Love does no harm to a neighbor. Therefore love is the fulfillment of the law. Romans 13:8=13 

So if you have something to say- please read the bible verses below.

You Pharisees and teachers are show-offs, and you’re in for trouble! You give God a tenth of the spices from your garden, such as mint, dill, and cumin. Yet you neglect the more important matters of the Law, such as justice, mercy, and faithfulness.

Matthew 23

Jesus Condemns the Pharisees and the Teachers of the Law of Moses

23 Jesus said to the crowds and to his disciples:

The Pharisees and the teachers of the Law are experts in the Law of Moses. So obey everything they teach you, but don’t do as they do. After all, they say one thing and do something else.

They pile heavy burdens on people’s shoulders and won’t lift a finger to help. Everything they do is just to show off in front of others. They even make a big show of wearing Scripture verses on their foreheads and arms, and they wear big tassels[a] for everyone to see. They love the best seats at banquets and the front seats in the meeting places. And when they are in the market, they like to have people greet them as their teachers.

But none of you should be called a teacher. You have only one teacher, and all of you are like brothers and sisters. Don’t call anyone on earth your father. All of you have the same Father in heaven. 10 None of you should be called the leader. The Messiah is your only leader. 11 Whoever is the greatest should be the servant of the others. 12 If you put yourself above others, you will be put down. But if you humble yourself, you will be honored.

13-14 You Pharisees and teachers of the Law of Moses are in for trouble! You’re nothing but show-offs. You lock people out of the kingdom of heaven. You won’t go in yourselves, and you keep others from going in.[b]

15 You Pharisees and teachers of the Law of Moses are in for trouble! You’re nothing but show-offs. You travel over land and sea to win one follower. And when you have done so, you make that person twice as fit for hell as you are.

16 You are in for trouble! You are supposed to lead others, but you are blind. You teach that it doesn’t matter if a person swears by the temple. But you say that it does matter if someone swears by the gold in the temple. 17 You blind fools! Which is greater, the gold or the temple that makes the gold sacred?

18 You also teach that it doesn’t matter if a person swears by the altar. But you say that it does matter if someone swears by the gift on the altar. 19 Are you blind? Which is more important, the gift or the altar that makes the gift sacred? 20 Anyone who swears by the altar also swears by everything on it. 21 And anyone who swears by the temple also swears by God, who lives there. 22 To swear by heaven is the same as swearing by God’s throne and by the one who sits on that throne.

23 You Pharisees and teachers are show-offs, and you’re in for trouble! You give God a tenth of the spices from your garden, such as mint, dill, and cumin. Yet you neglect the more important matters of the Law, such as justice, mercy, and faithfulness. These are the important things you should have done, though you should not have left the others undone either. 24 You blind leaders! You strain out a small fly but swallow a camel.

25 You Pharisees and teachers are show-offs, and you’re in for trouble! You wash the outside of your cups and dishes, while inside there is nothing but greed and selfishness. 26 You blind Pharisee! First clean the inside of a cup, and then the outside will also be clean.

27 You Pharisees and teachers are in for trouble! You’re nothing but show-offs. You’re like tombs that have been whitewashed.[c] On the outside they are beautiful, but inside they are full of bones and filth. 28 That’s what you are like. Outside you look good, but inside you are evil and only pretend to be good.

29 You Pharisees and teachers are nothing but show-offs, and you’re in for trouble! You build monuments for the prophets and decorate the tombs of good people. 30 And you claim that you would not have taken part with your ancestors in killing the prophets. 31 But you prove that you really are the relatives of the ones who killed the prophets. 32 So keep on doing everything they did. 33 You are nothing but snakes and the children of snakes! How can you escape going to hell?

34 I will send prophets and wise people and experts in the Law of Moses to you. But you will kill them or nail them to a cross or beat them in your meeting places or chase them from town to town. 35 That’s why you will be held guilty for the murder of every good person, beginning with the good man Abel. This also includes Barachiah’s son Zechariah,[d] the man you murdered between the temple and the altar. 36 I can promise that you people living today will be punished for all these things!

Sow into the kingdom-

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Subscribe- www.Rebekkalien.com

Try Anything For You Will Not Fail

50323523_2169142723131783_5068580907049287680_n

Prophetic Word-

I hear the Lord say you are enough, you are not lacking and you have everything you need to move forward. I actually walked into a bookstore and told this to a girl and right after I realized God was speaking to me through me prophesying to her.

I spent a week in Melaka, Malaysia ministering there and then the Lord told me to go to Singapore. Well, I had about $60 in the bank and about 250 ringgits that my friend gave me. My phone was totally dead but I knew that the Lord would provide. I didn’t feel peace about booking any hostel or doing couchsurfing as I felt the Lord would lead me to where I needed to go. I also felt like I needed to stay at a hostel but that the hostel was not online.

However, I was still petrified and had a few days of feeling paralyzed in fear and I had to spend time with Jesus to even have any inkling of courage.

My time in Malaysia was fruitful, the Lord prophesied to people and healed people through me.

Testimonies:

On the day I was going to Singapore I saw a man at the bus station, I asked him if he was going to Singapore. He said yes. Right away I shared with him that I was a missionary and he said me too! He is an artist/minister.

On the bus we shared testimonies for 3 hours. In the beginning I shared how I was relying on the Lord for finances to keep going and that I’ve been going for 5 months since July to over 8 countries (Taiwan, Korea, Japan, China, Hong Kong, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore).

When I went to the bathroom, the Lord spoke to this gentleman and told him to sow a seed. He gave me an envelope. I was shocked and surprised. The Lord surely provides. He said that the Lord told him I needed it more than him and this was true.

During the ride I felt that I needed to pray for the man and I held him like a baby, it was the strangest thing but I felt like I needed to do it. I said that he was a baby and that he must rely and rest in the Lord like a baby. That the Lord is taking care of all of his needs. I also felt that when he gave, the Lord broke off the spirit of lack. The Lord often calls us to give so that we are reminded “The Lord is our shepherd, we lack nothing” and that the Lord will refill what we gave in more abundance.

We cried and prophesied to each other on the bus, I felt like he was like a father figure.

When I got to Singapore, I first got some change and then asked which bus I should take to get to Chinatown. The Lord had impressed on my heart to go to Chinatown. I knew there were people I needed to reach there.

Without a phone, I got on a bus. First there was a man with an injured leg and I asked to pray for him but he said no. Later a madam and her helper got on the bus. I made some small talk and asked to pray for them, they said okay. I asked her if she knew of any hostels in Chinatown, she said no.

She said “Follow me” and I was hesitant but decided to follow her off the bus. She said “want to eat?” I said YES I am starving. She treated me to a big meal as we fellowshiped. I found out she was also Christian. I explained to her helper that I only had about 100 singaporean dollars to spend on a week at a hostel and I may not have enough. Even though the Lord had already provided 200 ringgits by the gentleman on the bus….

All of a sudden I heard the Lord said the lady would pay for my hostel.

I was like “okay, well I’ve heard things from you but sometimes they don’t pay God” (for example, I’ve heard God say “she will pay for your meal” and sometimes it doesn’t happen).

All of a sudden the madam got money out of her bag and put it in mine. I didn’t know how much she put but the helper said “see my madam is very kind, she just gave you 100 singaporean”.

I was like OMG you were right.

God provided enough for a hostel, but then now I had to find a hostel within my budget.

I walked into 5-6 hostels and I’m like LORD, show me the way. He said “go forward”. Many of the hostels were fully booked. Finally I looked across the street and I saw one that seemed plain and simple. I’m like Lord….

I walk in and ask if they have a bed, bam. It was sort of within my budget but if I spent all my money on the hostel, I wouldn’t have money for food. In the afternoon I suddenly had the idea to ask for a week’s discount and the owner said “yes, we have”.

Praise God. It was a considerable discount and it was the Lord providing.

Testimonies of Ministry:

As you know I pray for people when I minister. Sometimes people say yes, sometimes no. If the opportunity is there, I share my testimony and story of Jesus in my life. These are just a FEW of the testimonies that happen on a daily basis.

I saw a cat and started petting it. The owner of the shop came out and started talking to me. I shared why I was here in Singapore and he shared some of the things he has been through the last year. I prayed for him and also found out he used to be christian. I said the Lord led me here to let him know that The Lord has never left him.

The night I arrived, there were 3 Filipino ladies in the room. They happen to be Christian too and they prayed for me.

One day I asked to pray for a Vietnamese girl. I prophesied that “the Lord said to follow your heart and not to be afraid. I felt like it was her job that she didn’t like.”

She was shocked, “how did you know what I was thinking?”

I said “the Lord speaks to me”. She ended up receiving the Lord and I told her “you can hear God too” so we sat there holding hands. She said “the Lord told me not to be scared” in Vietnamese.

There are many more testimonies.

The Lord has told me to continue in Indonesia and I am looking for ministry partners that are willing to sow. The flight ticket is about $90 and finances for housing and food. I am aiming for $500.

If you feel the spirit leading you to give, know that the Lord will bless you MORE abundantly and your reward will also be in heaven.

Click to give- https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
Click to give- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

 

 

 

 

The People Pleaser & The Master Manipulator, Finding Wholeness in a World That Lacks Love

pexels-photo-208188

Today we will talk about two types of people:

  1. The people pleaser- always playing in line with what others want, in fear of judgement, rejection, feelings of shame, and feelings of unworthiness.
  2. Master manipulator- angry at what life didn’t give them, manipulating others to get what they want

Both operate from a spirit of lack.

This post may hit at the target at everything you’ve ever felt in your whole life.

I have been both but for much of my life I was a people pleaser. My mother often “made me” feel guilty or ashamed to be alive. My dad was supposedly cheating on my mother when she was pregnant with me so I often felt like I was paying penance with my life, subjugated to simply do what she wanted me to so that she wouldn’t feel so bad about herself.

I wonder how many of us feel this way? That we aren’t worthy to even be alive.

It wasn’t my fault.

The same spirit that accused and blamed me my whole life, even using my mom’s anger towards herself and her life circumstances accused me this week.

An airbnb owner (who happens to be pregnant) accused me of asking for too much when I asked for a quiet house on several occasions. Apparently the housemate was offended. Here I was thinking that we were all becoming friends when in actuality, they were talking behind my back.

She came home, exploding. She said I was selfish for expecting everyone to cater towards my need. I said “you opened an airbnb business, it was your choice, and I’m simply being honest”.

I knew that this was all the devil trying to accuse me.

I felt guilty when the owner stopped talking to me. When I said hi the other day she didn’t even look at me.

I felt my shoulders tighten.

Then it hit me. My mom does that when she is mad at me. She doesn’t acknowledge my existence as a way to punish me. I wonder if that’s connected with her blaming me for her pain, her pain of feeling abandoned by my dad, her pain of feeling neglected, unloved.

It’s not my fault though.

Finally, it’s not my fault. It’s not my fault. And it’s not your fault, however your parents punish you for their own feelings of unworthiness. 

I kept hearing God say “it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong, you were simply being honest and speaking up for your needs”. 

The owner’s accusation was a way to make me feel guilty for speaking up and wanting what I wanted.

Perhaps that is why most people stop asking for what they want or need- because they have a fear that people will reject, shame, judge or condemn them for their desires or opinions.

I felt a sense of responsibility to right the wrong- but I didn’t do anything wrong, I was only speaking my mind and truth.

Shame and guilt shuts people up.

Shame causes people to be silent. 

I realized that this wasn’t about me, it was about the owner. She was too stressed, working full time, managing an airbnb (her own house), pregnant.

Was it that I was being selfish or that she just wasn’t loving herself enough?

People who call others selfish usually don’t love themselves enough and aren’t “selfish” enough. They live out of a spirit of lack and often expect others to compensate for the lack of love they feel. 

In actuality, no one is responsible to love you. It’s your responsibility to love yourself first, to allow God to love you and then to speak up for what it is you need and want. Sure, in a relationship, in family, people do love you, but they do it out of what they are capable of doing. Most people don’t have ENOUGH love to give because they don’t realize they are enough in Christ Jesus.

People can only love you to the capacity they love themselves. If they “love” you above what they can give themselves, they are “sacrificing” themselves at the cost of loving you. And there is then a deficit. a shortage. When there is a shortage, people often feel bitter about the love they give you.

In truth, all of what I described is not love at all, it’s actually based out of fear. 

People sacrifice themselves at the cost of loving themselves because they fear that you will essentially LEAVE or reject them if they don’t sacrifice themselves.

But there is no fear in love because perfect love casts out fear.

So what would it look like to live in love? 

  1. Speaking up for how I actually feel, need and want without fear of judgement or rejection.
  2. There is no need for “sacrifice”, just love.
  3. Sure there may be compromises, but not compromises that are based out of fear.

The owner told me that it is in Malaysian culture to sacrifice to the point that they can’t take it anymore. But when I talked to two male Malaysians, they said “no, I don’t believe that” so I wonder if it’s mostly just with women….this theme of sacrifice.

I don’t need to sacrifice because Jesus became the ultimate sacrifice on the cross.

Sure, I have left everything to follow Jesus to share the love of Christ with people, but in truth, it’s not a sacrifice because I am following my heart and what truly gives me fulfillment. 

My heart is full when I love people, and when I allow others that I meet to love me. But I ultimately go to God.

God does not call us to sacrifice, he says come to me with a broken and contrite heart, this I will not despise. He doesn’t call us to be strong, He calls us to lay ourselves at His feet at all times. 

I found myself fighting this battle of shame and guilt through words and prayer.

“I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus”. 

We battle with not enough, we battle with feelings of shame, guilt, condemnation- but in Christ, we are enough and we are righteous.

When you know you are enough in Christ Jesus, you’ll love with an open heart, one that is pure and without manipulation, guilt, witchcraft, control or a need to sacrifice.

When we sacrifice, we live out of a belief that there is lack, that somewhere God won’t fill the void if we don’t personally fill it. 

But in Christ, there is no lack. There is only an abundance of love. So if we are not able, say so. Christ is more than enough. God does not need us to be strong. God wants us to be weak and for Him to be strong for us.

Sow a seed- Your giving makes changing lives possible as I minister to and share the gospel of grace to people around the world! There is an ongoing need to fulfill the mandate the Lord has put on my life. Join me as I change and save lives! 

Thank you! 

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien