Grace of God in West Hollywood

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“Whoever blesses you will be blessed” I woke up to God saying that to me. He showed me that there is a blessing for blessing the fatherless.

I have this heart heat rash.

He says “don’t be afraid of love”.

I met a Christian, I meet a lot of Christians who tell me they don’t go to church, they believe in God, they are spiritual.

Yesterday a new friend I met was defending me. “She’s a virgin, she’s not like that”. A man approached me and was trying really hard.

He goes “I want some pussy”.

My heart was grieved.

I was already disappointed.

Our society has come to this.

I’ve grown a lot. Obviously it hasn’t always been easy to know what I deserve. But I know now. As I know my promise of marriage is coming, I sense the momentum and climax of promise. People are attracted to Jesus in me and I am a witness for Him.

I had three guys hit on me yesterday. One, a guy slipped me a note and said I was pretty. Two, a friend’s friend. Three, a guy I had met before on the streets of West Hollywood.

I am reminded all of them are God’s children and there is a reason they are attracted to me. I am learning to treat them with grace, and not the harshness of the world.

Whenever I am disappointed in men, I am learning to keep my heart open and pray for them even more. We live in the wild wild west of LA and there are a lot of spirits out here, but to have a friend defend me means the world to me.

I have made pretty incredible friends out here in West Hollywood. Remember I told you God said “this land is yours?” I went from not knowing anyone to gathering the Lost Sheep. I’d be alone and I would wait in line and God would arrange for me to meet someone. Sometimes I’d break the rules and invite people to eat with me or ask people who were alone to eat with them. I’ve gotten yelled at so many times for breaking the rules.

The truth is- love doesn’t have rules. Love breaks the rules.

People are not evil. People have wounds and baggage and they just want love. I’ve learned to see past the evil. 

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Letting Go Of Toxic Relationships

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I feel like I’m suffocating

Like I’m drowning

I care for you and I can’t breathe

But I feel like you are a speck in the ocean slowly moving away

Walking away

I cry in silence

Sometimes loudly

Bawling

Yet you seem to feel nothing

And so I fade into the distance, I allow my heart to suffocate into the background

This is a familiar feeling

When I knew it was ending but I didn’t want to let go

I silently screamed into my pillow

I had given my all

And yet it was not enough

I’ve paid my dues, this time I’ll learn to let go faster than before

I feel like I’m drowning

But I can’t hear myself speak

I try to speak but words won’t come out because I still want your security even when it is false

I almost cried hearing his story

He walked away, angry, never crying

He said.

If I said how I felt, it wouldn’t be enough, what is the point, his pride would get in the way

This time, I’ll let go faster than I did before

So my heart does not suffocate from lack of air.

This time I’ll let myself be happy instead of pay a fine

This time I’ll walk out scotch free, this time I’ll choose myself, instead of pleasing him.

This time I’ll better myself by freeing myself

This time, this time.

And you’ll call me crazy, ridiculous, any words, any words.

But I hope you look in your heart and see that your refusal to be in touch with your heart is only a curse on your own soul.

Whoever he was, he is, they are all the same, the same lessons. They keep coming, they come in the form of tall and short, green or blue eyes, brown, they are all the same person walking in the same lesson.

Will you listen to your heart this time?

Or will you scream into the void?

Will you empty yourself until you have nothing left?

Will you try to break down a brick wall with your bare hands? Bloody and torn, those hands made to hold you, now depleted, destroyed.

He didn’t know it was coming last time, but it came like a storm and broke his cold stone heart, he wept for the first time. I broke his heart and it took years.

I didn’t know I had to let him go to open his heart, that was the only way to go, not to hold onto him, but to let him go.

I used to give all of myself to love someone, even if I only got 10% back.

I used to think it was my fault that someone wasn’t able to love me back, but I realize that some people have a small cup that cannot contain my bucket loads of love. 

My job is to find someone who can pour back into my buckets, instead of feeling depleted giving constantly.

I made the first move to reconcile with my dad after 10 years of not seeing him. I flew thousands of miles and hours to see him. Slowly we reconciled. I would fly back again after 2 years, more and more but every time I would be sad to leave, sometimes I was disappointed. Last time he couldn’t take me to the airport because he had a migraine.

No matter what, nothing seemed to be enough. Nothing I did could open up his heart to me.

So I would give all of myself to love someone, and most people only give back 10%.

What I learned is, find those who are willing to give love to you. 

I used to think it was my fault that people didn’t open up to me, that people didn’t love me, that my dad didn’t show love to me.

But I realize no, it’s not my fault. I tried my best and now I have to teach my heart to move on. I moved on from my dad, my mom, from my brother, from exes, from past friendships and I still learn to move on as I speak up and keep honoring my heart.

I kept trying to get love from people who didn’t have any to give.

And I realize very little people have that emotional capacity to express love.

God send me people that know how to express and give love without fear. I don’t have fear for fear has to do with punishment. Guide us into the right direction, to people who have love to give.

I stood up for myself this time. I spent 2.5 years allowing my heart to die to be with someone 6 years ago. I then encountered a man that reminded me of my ex. I had to learn to let go faster than I did last time. Because the same red flags came up. God will send the same type of person so you’d learn to stand up for yourself this time around.

The same situations will come up until you learn to overcome them and confront your worse fears.

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You Are Worthy of Love

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Dear Dad,

I felt God say to write a letter to you.

It’s very hard to understand that your heart is for me or that you even love me when we basically have no communication.

Communication is my heart language, besides physical affection.

It’s hard to understand when someone rejects you. I’ve been dealing with feeling unwanted my whole life, so I didn’t put myself in front of many opportunities or even love itself. Friendships, desires for relationships.

There were two instances where I felt rejected by men. One guy I really liked but since at one point he just wanted to be friends, he rejected my hug. I felt rejected and unwanted. Now after that he said he wanted to be alone and he never picked up my calls or texts. But God kept telling me to express how I felt so I did.

It was difficult not getting a response. I persevered and then eventually the desire waned after I did my fare share of reaching out. Eventually I met someone else. Now this was another growth lesson.

God has always told me to not be afraid of rejection. So I keep putting my heart out there even though it hurts.

This one has a kid and a fair share of past drama. To which, I thought, you know what let me not get involved. But for some reason God kept telling me to follow my heart and as much as I was afraid of a possible end, I pursued it knowing God had breakthroughs for me. 

I remember someone prophesying over me that I was going up a hill and a mountain, but that it would be worth it.

This year God has been preparing me for marriage and He has been doing it through getting to know people I go on dates with. The lessons are beyond plentiful.

Showing me peoples’ experiences through marriage, cheating, just like you did, you cheated, but maybe you had your reasons.

I followed my heart and I’ve cried plenty of times. I realize that it has worked out my muscles, my heart. Because I wanted to deny my emotions for a long time. I wanted to not feel, because I thought pain was so awful. Now I realize pain is a gift. Pain allows you to process your fears.

I was afraid of getting hurt.

I felt unwanted when I couldn’t get what I wanted, I felt rejected- but when I cried because of that pain, I felt a release of fear. 

When I was able to express my fears openly and honestly, then cry in front of a man, I felt loved. Because I was transparent and naked emotionally. 

God always sends men who seem shut down and emotionally unavailable, like you dad.

But for some reason when I am able to show my emotions and have breakthroughs I realize it has nothing to do with you, it’s about me being able to feel.

Even if you never reciprocate, as long as I can feel, I’m okay.

Because this is my life, and I have to be okay with my emotions, I have to express love and love myself by embracing my emotions.

I’m open now.

It’s so good to be alive.

I don’t always have to laugh or be happy in front of people, I can be vulnerable.

I feel amazing today. I feel at rest having cried. I feel peaceful. I can have what I want, my presence in the moment.

I kept running from my emotions not realizing my emotion is the best gift. I embrace every emotion I have and I freely release them in the moment.

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I wish someone taught me dating is not about getting to the end goal but realizing and healing from the wounds that need to be healed before you meet the one. So instead of the end goal of meeting the one….it’s about reflecting on the cross section of issues that you have and what that other person has. And experiencing breakthrough and healing through those conversations, conflicts, emotions.

Good Love

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You encounter such bad love your whole life that you don’t know what good love is. 

And you finally open up, you want to be an open book but those around you want to shut down. You want to be loved and accepted for all of you, not just a part of you. So you share, but you feel judged.

But now, you’ve reached a new level.

It’s a healthy love.

They will embrace and love you even if your emotions are messy, even if you try to run, they run after you, they won’t let you hide, they’ll uncover the blanket hiding all your mess. They see the mess and they love you, they let you cry on their shoulder.

That’s what I’m experiencing now. 

You can come to a point that you communicate everything on your mind, and it feels amazing.

You don’t have to run from the people that want to love you, you run into their arms.

Even if that person is simply a friend, not your husband.

You don’t need to keep or own a person, you can love and express love without judgement or rejection. 

I realize why I felt the need to socialize and minister to people when I was with my friend. There was a block. There were friends that didn’t really allow themselves to emote, or to feel their emotions. I’d want to talk to other people to feel my emotions.

I’m seeing old cycles broken in my life.

Cycles where I used sexuality to feel my emotions, cycles where I ran to distractions and temporary pleasures to gratify the numbness.

I’m finally feeling all of my emotions, I’m accepting them.

I can talk about all my emotions and not be afraid to feel them. I dated an ex that never talked about his emotions, it was impossible to connect with him. Because of that, I ended up cheating on him.

I felt like I was not allowed to have “negative” emotions and whenever I talked about how I felt, he would shut me down and tell me not to talk about it. He had panic attacks, he had anxiety, he never cried. He only cried when we broke up.

I felt alone in that relationship.

I felt utterly alone and unloved because my emotions were not accepted or valued.

Now, I know what love is supposed to feel like.

I’m supposed to be able to run to the people I love for love, not run away from them to feel my emotions. All of my feelings and emotions should be valued and validated in a relationship, not just the positive ones.

I should be able to feel scared, sad or angry in a relationship. I should be able to be upset. I should be able to feel however I feel whenever I feel them and be heard and understood in that relationship. And even if that person does not understand, they can express that they aren’t able to understand it but they’ll try.

Communication is everything. Let’s communicate to each other, let’s dialogue instead of dictate.

Give to this ministry and prophetic word- Thank you! God bless! 

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Love Vs. Lust

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It’s 5:35am and I woke up feeling anew.

I was texting friends and telling them how I felt about love versus lust. The last couple of months I’ve talked to people about waiting until marriage to have sex. I wish more people talked about sexuality and sex. I wish more people realized how damaging sex really can be outside of love.

Even as a virgin, I experienced sexual and physical experiences.

As a spiritual being, I started to become even more aware when I would hear “unclean spirits”. Even if I wanted to ignore it my spiritual senses became heightened. I felt unclean, not because of what I was doing but because of the spirits that were attached the person I was with.

So I could say “God I just want to enjoy myself” but now I realize there is something impure in lust. You are righteous in Christ Jesus, but there is something damaging to the soul when you are being used for physical pleasure versus connecting out of love. 

The more spiritual you become, growing in sensitivity to God, the more you sense what spirit people are operating out of.

A spirit of lust basically takes over you.

If you notice kissing someone, and all of a sudden your vagina/penis kicks in and at a certain moment, you no longer feel like you have control over your mind or emotions. Endorphins are being released but something spiritual is also happening.

Love and lust are very different things.

Love causes you to reach out, love causes you to express how you feel, love endures, it doesn’t give up.

Lust gives up, lust is momentary. 

Love makes you feel safe.

Lust is corrupt, it doesn’t make you feel safe. It feels good in the moment but later you feel used, it’s unclean. I have felt it before.

Love doesn’t leave you stranded, love communicates.

Lust ghosts. 

Love wants to understand and listen to you.

Lust simply wants to get in your pants. Lust has no desire to communicate clearly, it overtakes you and has no desire to understand your emotions. It’s a USER! Lust only has one agenda- sex. Lust uses for momentary pleasure and has no commitment. 

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Love makes you feel like a queen, but lust makes you feel like a whore.

God is mending and healing your sexual wounds. He says that you are MORE THAN YOUR BODY. You are a temple. When you’ve been filled with the Holy Spirit, you start to become even more sensitive to His heart for you.

God is doing something new for you. 

He is renewing your heart. He is redeeming you from the past.

God, I just cut off the past, negative cycles I cut it off in Jesus name!

I break and loose any soul ties that are not from you in Jesus name and call back any remnants of our soul in Jesus name.

Is that person going to stay with you and make you feel like a queen? Is he willing to sacrifice himself for you? 

Is he calling you and asking you about your day? Is he concerned about your welfare? Is he asking you about how you feel? Is he concerned for your safety and checks in on you? Does he tell you that he loves you? 

Or is he simply using you for a momentary release?

Sow a seed to this ministry and this prophetic word-

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I’m scared that if I get close to someone they will leave me. 

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This was a super impromptu “photo shoot” that I had in the moment at Pacific Palisades.

How deep do you want to fall?

We all try to protect our hearts. We call it “being wise”. We disappear. We ghost, we don’t communicate how much we care, we act like we can be disconnected from our hearts.

“I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to get hurt”.

That’s our excuse. Sky high walls around our hearts. It’s better to not be happy, then be happy for a minute or a moment. 

We try to cut things short because maybe we won’t feel it, any kind of pain.

But it’s inevitable.

I remember the pain of leaving my 10 year old students in China or each mission trip I took. I built deep friendships with the people I hung out with. Everyday I felt my heart being broken. But does that mean I shouldn’t have gone? No. That’s what made the moments beautiful. 

You love them more in each moment.

The moments are sparkly. Vulnerability beautiful.

Hearts shining.

But we seem to pull back as humans.

It’s better to be defensive and cold than to show that we care.

I don’t want to live with a closed heart. I want to live with my heart wide open.

I went from having to turn down a guy, to kind of being turned down (even as a friend), to a guy trying to “protect my heart from getting hurt” to meeting a guy who wanted to treat me right but didn’t want me to “fall in love with him”.

These are all innuendos of “let’s not feel”.

The truth is relationships are complex and it’s hard to be cold-hearted. 

But we have all kinds of excuse. 

I don’t want to hurt you.

I don’t want you to hurt me. “I’m scared to get hurt”.

I had a really clean cut idea of marriage and dating. I didn’t understand why I had to date. “What’s the point God? Especially if he’s not my husband?” 

2 years ago God showed me a tinder account swiping left, and I heard “get ready”.

I never really understood why I had to go through so much dating wise, even before. Other people seemed to have it easy. They just met their husband and that’s it. But no, me???? I’ve had plenty of boyfriends, I’ve had summer/winter/fall flings, I was definitely not the typical church-goer.

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I’m a romantic. I used to draw comics and write love stories. Each boyfriend was a potential husband. I wrote impossible scenarios of grand romantic gestures. 

But those were not always the type of men I met. Some were just lewd, sketchy, perverts. The only way I found that I could protect my heart was to not sleep with them (so I have managed to save myself for marriage). But do not get me wrong, I’ve had my share of physical experiences.

I didn’t grow up with my dad, I shut down my heart whenever I would leave Taiwan (after a visit).

“It’s better to not feel, then to feel any love for someone who will leave me”.

That is how I protected myself. But that’s how I became disassociated and disconnected emotionally. 

Through this dating process recently, the Lord showed me how I would disconnect to protect myself. A part of my personality would shut down because my heart was bracing for the heartbreak, the separation. I would sense how I became distant, indifferent. I would stop laughing, I would stop being entertaining or happy. I would become quieter, pensive. I wouldn’t say what is on my mind.

“It’s going to end anyway” my heart would say.

“Why bother? Why try?”

I couldn’t allow myself just to be happy, because there was some pending “doom”. 

People think that if they just disconnect or not feel, then they’d protect themselves from pain. 

But I realize that pain is powerful, it allows our hearts to know that it matters. 

That person or moment or season of my life was beautiful, powerful, lovely.

Why can’t we be okay with that?

We avoid pain at all costs but we also miss the beauty of it all. 

The life, the riches, the moments.

After spending time with someone the Lord led me to yesterday, I felt this strange ache in my neck. My heart felt numb and unfeeling. I didn’t know why. I woke up in the middle of the night and started crying. My heart was scared to feel.

I’m scared that if I get close to someone they will leave me. 

Like the other friends who disappeared from my life, will this one leave too? That’s what pushed me away from forming deep friendships for awhile. And even if I did, I couldn’t communicate through the pain of certain conflicts. It hurt too much. I had people betray me, but I also cut people off.

When people are good to you, you doubt it. This is too good to be true. Am I really safe? Or are they judgemental? Will they snap at any minute?

I’ve met nice people recently, and I think they’ll stay that way, but one comment triggers them to react and my heart will fear. 

“I’m not safe” my heart will say. “Go home” I’ll think.

God has been leading me to people who are lonely, rejected, wounded, I mean that is my ministry. At the same time, I find myself trying to guard myself from feeling for them.

“Get down and dirty, feel each moment, feel each feeling, no matter how uncomfortable it feels. Cry and laugh. Don’t be afraid of love”.

Love is not just happiness and roses, love is also the pain of separation. I talk to many singles about dating and they often use the excuse of “I’m just loving myself”. This may be true for a season but the prophesy that the Lord has been telling me is “tell people to open their heart and come out of hiding”.

Tell people to be vulnerable, to tell their truth. 

It’s human nature to hide out of shame, unworthiness, guilt. But when we expose our truths, we know that we can truly be loved for who we are, not what we do. 

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Some people may find me too careless to open my heart but that’s just how God has made me. I have to have an open heart everyday. Sometimes I’ll have fear in my heart and I won’t want to take chances or step out in faith but God will lead me to be courageous.

Yesterday He said “ask for a ride” and just as I was about to get the bus I saw a car pull up. The car had a baby in it. The driver was Catholic. She sped up and dropped me off where the bus was. My heart was still hesitant right? Immediately I met a guy with tattoos who was quiet. I started talking to him. I know most people find talking to strangers intimidating but when people open up to me, I feel encouraged.

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Eventually I got to Pasadena and I saw this woman walking around with her suitcase. I asked if she needed help and she said “no”. God said “follow her, ask her if she needs help”. Eventually I realized that God was trying to tell me not to be afraid of rejection.

Because I needed to tell a guy my truth. The truth was “I am not physically attracted to you”. I tried to explain it a few ways but I realize that I couldn’t. I had to be honest. I was emotionally attracted but not physically attracted so I used “you’re not usually my type” as a way to avoid the truth. But he thought that I would eventually realize he was the better option, opposed to the other guys that I was seeing (whom he considered bad boys).

The truth is hard to hear sometimes, but it does set us free. We want to take care of peoples’ hearts but we really can’t. Only God can, God has peoples’ hearts in His hands.

I felt guilty and bad for having to be honest. I hate hurting people, but closing a door allows them to move on. 

Maybe I’m too honest, or maybe I overshare. But I live in freedom. I’m an artist, I’ve been created to express myself.

I’m not a saint, I’ve been saved by grace. I’m not perfect, only perfect by the blood of Jesus.

Would you consider giving a contribution or donating to this ministry? God leads me to divine appointments everyday, I pastor people who are unconventional, who have been rejected by the church or by their parents, some are drug addicts living on the streets, some are just really isolated people who have no friends, some just have high walls up in their hearts. Many of them I prophesy for them to go home because they have a fear of being rejected by their parents….most likely they have already experienced lots of rejection from their family. I was like that myself. But God taught me to speak up to my mom and tell her how I feel, without a fear of rejection. It’s never really become easy though. I’ve just grown in my capacity to have patience and love for her.

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Let’s Talk About Dating!!!!!

When I was young, I was taught that God will just bring your husband.

You just had to sit there and wait.

LOL.

But what God has taught me in the last few years is that when you have triggers and issues related to men (for me) since I did not grow up with my dad and had many fears about marriage— God will graciously bring what you need to heal those wounds.

God has brought me many divine appointments to show me that there are good men out there. He has taught me how to communicate and relate to a male. He has shown me why some males have trouble communicating their emotions and what they struggle with.

Here were my fears –

  1. That someone will disappear and walk away (a fear of loss).
  2. I felt that people didn’t care about me, and instead of conveying how they felt….they disappeared (again).
  3. That if I got emotionally close to someone and it was a male, they had to be my future husband….because if I got close to someone who wasn’t my husband then well, they’d end up liking me or vice versa…and that was ultimately bad…since you would have to separate from each other. So better not to take the chance. And also because I had a close guy friend that I thought liked me, but ultimately got a girlfriend (so I read the cues wrong but God protected me).

What I have learned to do in the last years-

  1. Tell a guy if I liked him or was attracted to him. Be vulnerable and tell him how I felt even if he did not like me back. This has helped me to overcome any fear of rejection. 
  2. Tell a guy if he was not my future husband and brace the reactions, even if it was bad.
  3. Tell the truth at all times. 

So I think churches don’t teach that stuff at all. 

Churches teach “avoid” at all costs. They don’t teach honesty. They don’t teach people how to confront issues and bring up the issue. What I learned from church was “just avoid dating. Only date the guy if he’s going to be your husband”.

Dating is really about getting to know a person. If after a date, or a coffee date….he is not what you’re looking for, it’s okay to tell the truth and move on! Perhaps a lot of people are scared to date because they’re scared of rejection or getting their heart broken.

Dating isn’t about avoiding the truth, it’s about telling the truth! Some people are scared to date because they’re scared to hurt someone….so they just disappear or ghost and there are a lot of unresolved issues because of that. 

I’ve seen that the more honest and direct you are, the better.

Some people settle because they think “this is good enough”.

But you deserve the BEST! 

So why not put yourself out there. It’s not about getting it right. It’s about living in freedom and expressing love.

I have told plenty of people that they are attractive or that they are kind and loving. I have told people that they are amazing. Why not? And I’ve been vulnerable too, and I’ve been hurt. But why live with fear?

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Unconditional Love

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We all need love but when we have been hurt we don’t want to open up again.
Love needs to invade the walls of self protection and when unveiled, we feel vulnerable and open to pain or attack.
Sure it hurts. But then we rise again.
Recently a situation with a guy I met helped me see that my heart was shut down because my dad doesn’t talk to me. I’ll open my heart to connect but then suddenly it’s like he doesn’t care anymore. It’s like I don’t exist. I had to reach out to the guy to understand why he didn’t text or call me. We had to communicate. A part of me thought what’s the point, we are not going to be together. But it really did help, I didn’t feel ignored and I felt loved to hear truth.
Honest truth.
I grew up feeling emotionally shut down, sometimes depressed. I thought God was ignoring me. I wouldn’t let people in and when I did, it hurt and sometimes when I told the truth, most people left.
The truth was too much for them. They wanted me to be silent. They wanted me to fit in. They wanted me to be what they expected of me. They liked me when I didn’t speak up, when I conformed.
They attacked me for being different.
I was attacked my whole life for standing out, so I shut down and people pleased.
Then when God told me to speak up, I lost friends, I got persecuted, I was rejected, I was judged.
I lost everything that was false. I sold everything to follow Jesus. I got rid of my car and my apartment. Everything was a facade of success. I was struggling to pay my bills, I was broken inside. When I did that people criticized me. They didn’t understand I was being set free from what bond me.
Conditional love.
I had only experienced conditional love. The type of love that loves you only when you conform and fit in. The type of love that only loves you when you listen to them.
That was the bondage, the spirit of lack.
I never experienced being loved for who I am.
And now as I’m coming out of hiding, I tell my complete truth, I need help, I’m not perfect.
I want to be loved for who I am, not the perfect me, the me now. Enough in God’s eyes, whole in God’s eyes.
Unconditional love.

Don’t Play It Safe. In Order to Break Off Condemnation and Fear, You Have To Continue To Put Yourself Out There

Your heart is a muscle that needs to be exercised.

I woke up feeling tense and scared of people, I felt condemned and had to make a prayer video. You are righteous because of His sacrifice.

And then I had to take risks ALL DAY! 

I was out from 11am to 10pm.

There were times I was like “no”, but most of the time I said “yes”.

What does it look like to say yes to God. 

To do things that scare you. 

I prophesied over strangers and told people about what I do. I asked for donations, I asked for rides from strangers. They all turned out to be lost sheep, divine appointments.

I was sitting at a bus stop and God told me to ask for a ride.

I asked a few guys, and all of them said no. They looked hesitant, didn’t want to take a risk of picking up a stranger. I didn’t say I was a prophet, I just did it.

I was getting discouraged and then suddenly a man I asked before came back. He had dropped off his work truck and came back. He had a picture of his daughter. He was Catholic, yes, of course. This man will be blessed for saying yes. We talked for awhile and a part of me just wanted to go home.

“God isn’t this enough?” I looked out the window and most of the shops were closed except for a few boba shops. It was enough to get me out the door. I thanked him and blessed him.

It wasn’t about me doing more, it was me learning to put my heart out there, no matter the risk or the consequences. Because yesterday I took a risk and asked a neighbor I just met to take me home and his stepmom kept calling him. I felt this fear rise up in my heart, I felt responsible for him getting in trouble. But God said “no you didn’t do anything wrong”. I take risks everyday, talking to strangers is not always easy. Praying for the demonically oppressed guy was not easy too, it freaked me out a little, but love is big, love never fails.

It’s about God opening your heart, and not letting SATAN have a foothold in your heart, not having a stronghold of fear in your heart (which builds as you allow yourself to submit to it).

It’s not about being right, but living in freedom and knowing no matter how people respond, you are a child of God and worthy of God’s love. You are a child of God, you are not afraid of living in freedom. This means you freely put yourself out there, you’re not afraid of the risk of rejection or judgement. 

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One of the only restaurants opened in Pasadena. I got to prophesy to her.

At the end of the day, I felt led to go to Popeyes and the guy gave me a free drink. I yelled “I love you”.

So yes, love requires lots of risk and it may look different for everyone but what I’ve learned is, God’s goal is to set you free to live in freedom, He wants you to be free of any fear that may hinder you from experiencing love.

Yes, maybe there were very little people on the buses and on the streets but God still led me to my divine appointments. My life is so much richer because of God.

I meet men who say they are afraid to put themselves out there to date again because of past hurts, I meet women who say the same. But so what, you have to just keep putting yourself out there, when it is the right time, the right person will come.

Sow a seed to this ministry. You will surely be rewarded! God bless you!

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Holy Spirit Confronts ALL Strongholds of Fear

Oh wow, okay. Where do I begin.

This morning I heard go to Downtown, but a part of me was like “should I go buy groceries and go home?” But I was like no just go. “I have not given you a spirit of fear”.

I met some people in the stores and then met a driver who was Catholic. He told me he had a bad marriage and his experience reminded me of my ex. I started to feel weird, it reminded me of what I subjected myself to.

When I got back to Alhambra I heard go to Pasadena. Fine, God. I jumped on the 260 bus.

It was already late…but suddenly there was a homeless man yelling in the bus. I heard “give him $1”. I asked what his name was and where his parents were. He said his name was William and his parents passed away 30 plus years ago. He was 40.

I said “you’re supposed to be an actor”.

“Oh yah, am I going to be on stage?”

I mean, his hands were dirty, he was yelling and cursing. I mean the more I prayed the more he manifested. Then I heard “unforgiveness” and said he needed to forgive those who hurt him.

I felt this warmth go up my lungs and started crying. I never felt such warmth, so visible, so strong. I could feel my flesh want to shrink but my spirit urging me. Pray for him, God said. I mean I am in a bus with other people.

I’m singing “Jesus loves you”.

When I got off the bus, I had to sanitize my hands so I went into a boba shop and told the cashier what I was doing. She told me she was also Christian. We talked a bit and then I went towards home.

I heard mcdonalds, so I went, even though I could have gotten Sprite somewhere else. The Sprite tasted too fruity. I got a refund, but I met a lost sheep. Someone who grew up Catholic. We talked for a bit.

I left, went to get real Sprite.

Now, I start hearing “ask for a ride”. So I’m looking around, where.

I suddenly see this young man playing with a drone. I ask if he is catholic and he says he grew up Christian but does believe in God. We walk, but then I ask for a ride. He drives me…That’s when his stepmom starts calling incessantly.

I told him to not go to the army, that he was called to be an actor. But that God is breaking off people pleasing. I see a vision of him with a dog collar and his stepmom with a leash.

Wow, God. I tell him how when I start to disciple and train people, they are often called to displease their parents to follow Jesus. And sure, it is hard. But they can’t bow down to any men (including their parents), they must stay firm when God beckons. 

Backbone. Or whoever, whoever God calls them to speak up to. 

There are systems, structures, demonic strongholds in place all over the world and these deliverers will stand up to the strongholds and knock down the bondages. 

I think back a year ago I would have been more conscious of people watching me when I pray for people on the bus, but now I’m not scared anymore.

I may have been scared of the demons oppressing a homeless person, but now I know no power is greater than the blood of Jesus.

Before I met the 20 year old, I felt pain in my stomach and had to cast out a spirit of infirmity that was trying to attack me. But suddenly as fast as it came, it went away. Praise God!

Sow a seed to this ministry. You will surely be rewarded! God bless you!

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PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

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https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

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