How To Break Unhealthy Cycle In Relationships

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It takes vulnerability to experience true love. It’s through telling someone how you actually feel and they respond with understanding that you experience unconditional love. Most people don’t share how they feel because they have been judged or rejected for expressing their feelings.

1. Be vulnerable- tell people how you actually feel.

2. Write down the patterns in your relationships

3. Address the patterns with the people and act counter the patterns, setting boundaries and asking for what it is you need and being vulnerable about your triggers and history.

Here’s mine-

A. 🙏 Friendships- in the past I was always just someone’s go to for emotional and spiritual help. I also gave rides to everyone when I had a car. I was exhausted from helping people.

There was usually a disparity between how much I gave and how much I received (not that relationships is about measurement).

I walked in faith, hosting events, etc but didn’t know how to ask for help. In essence I could have but I didn’t think anyone would help me.

It could be as simple as going out with friends and not being able to pay for meals, God has taught me even to ask strangers for help now…It’s still not easy, but in the past I’d pretend I was okay and I’d charge it on my credit card.

Of course God has told me not to worry about debt because He has already taken care of them.

Because He knows what we can handle. It takes steps of faith to speak up. I maxed out a credit card to start self employment and I maxed out credit cards to start my ministry. That was what God told me to do and that was the amount of faith and courage I could handle at the time. But yes it was scary to trust that God would someday pay it off for me.

Then the next step was in my faith walk was to come out and tell people what I was doing in my ministry, basically to start a ministry.

I knew it would come with persecution. But people also supported me.

❤️ In essence, what I told you is the same as opening your heart.

1. There’s hurt, but you don’t know how to speak up about it.

2. You learn to speak up about it but you’re met with criticism or rejection

3. You speak up about it but people love you nevertheless

4. Repeat (and that’s love for you!)

In relationships you have to know how to ask for help and give help.

But if you’ve had unhealthy patterns in your life, it takes time to reverse it. Or to wait for the people who are willing to love you for who you are.

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B. ❤️ Romantic Relationships

Marriage is similar to friendships.

1. Someone has to be humble enough to first express how they are feeling even if that means “look I am in a space of possibly being hurt by you”- basically saying “You have the power to hurt me”. That’s intense.

2. If no one is vulnerable it’s impossible to have a good marriage. But remember it’s a two-way street.

3. One person tries harder and harder to open the other person’s heart but it is a choice whether you want to open your heart, thus that relationship will most likely wither away unless the other party is willing to open up and share how they are feeling.

You deserve a vulnerable love.

You deserve someone who is emotionally available and who is willing to put in the work to be open with you.

It’s a choice whether someone wants to open their heart.

What’s the point of sitting next to someone and not knowing where they are emotionally. Physically present but mentally absent.

For me that was the worst nightmare.

Because I grew up with a mentally, physically and emotionally absent dad and a critical mother so my relationships reflected that.

And guess what- it took those relationships for me to see that it wasn’t what I wanted!

So what is it I want?

1. Friends that reach out and ask me how I am. And I’ll do the same.

2. A life partner that knows to reach out to me, that I don’t have to be the aggressor, which I often am in many areas of my life.

But that means I may have to learn how to be patient and wait for others to reach out to me.

Truth be told I don’t really have any patience.

My heart is more like an EMT, it knows where to go for help. It’s also an immediate safe place for others.

But I have to learn how to set boundaries and allow people to do the hard thing of reaching out or asking for help.

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Boast In Christ Alone

I woke up at 4 am after having a dream where I paid $60 for a room and I shared it with 3 other people. 

The number 6 signifies weakness, man’s sin that separated us from God. 6 indicates man was created in Genesis 1:31 (on the 6th day). It represents man’s weakness.

The Lord started speaking through me as I created this video. I encourage you to watch or listen to the video as God spoke to me LOUD AND CLEAR.

The power of GRACE has nothing to do with you.
It has nothing to do with you qualifying yourself, or being good, or doing good things.

Paul murdered Christians! And God spoke to him, Paul had an encounter with God that transformed him! David also was a murderer, he killed a woman’s husband just to have her. You think that people in the Bible didn’t have issues???? Think again.

2 Corinthians 12:9 But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me

Grace is unmerited. It’s unearned.

I am reminded that people kept trying to disqualify me by saying I didn’t go to seminary or I wasn’t sent by a church but that’s grace, Paul was not qualified by his being a good person, he killed Christians previously. And all the more he boasted in Jesus when He encountered the unconditional forgiveness of God. He was powered by the Holy Spirit alone, not in his own adequacies, strengths or giftings.

I boast not in my resume.

I boast not in my family connection.

I boast not in my work experience.

I boast not in my credit score.

I boast not in what a good friend I am.

I boast not in my own abilities or talents.

I boast not in what I wear.

I boast not in what house or car I drive.

I boast not in my works.

I boast in Christ alone. 

 

Jesus did not ask the thief to come down the cross and repay everything he stole. The work of recompense was not the criminal’s work. 

But the other criminal rebuked him. “Don’t you fear God,” he said, “since you are under the same sentence? We are punished justly, for we are getting what our deeds deserve. But this man has done nothing wrong.” Then he said, “Jesus, remember me when you come into your kingdom.” Jesus answered him, “Truly I tell you, today you will be with me in paradise.”
The work of recompense has been finished on the cross. So if anyone makes you feel guilty like you need to make up for the past, it is a lie. You cannot. And writing that made me realize that my dad cannot make up for the past, and I have to move on and seek that recompense from God. 
Then after making that video I fell asleep again and had a dream I opened this mirror and took out antifreeze to put on my teeth, but suddenly my teeth started falling and I was freaking out.
Fortunately a man I was with, a comforter, I was lying on his shoulders-  started gluing it back but they were still falling out so a lady came and use supernatural glue to put my teeth back.
I believe the man represents “man’s ways” and the lady represents the holy spirit.
In the dream I started shouting “I got my wisdom back!!!”
Then I woke up.
I think the devil had been trying really hard to make me feel ashamed about my life situation, how I am living with my mother right now (as God has ordained for me to do right now), how I am driving her car (and I really hate it), and I was comparing myself to others that seemed more successful.
And then I got a smack in my spiritual face (HEY CHRIST ALONE, BOAST IN NOTHING ELSE!)
My identity is not in my life’s circumstance.
My identity is BEING A CHILD OF GOD. AND THAT IS HUGE.
THE GOD OF THIS UNIVERSE LOVES ME.
That is everything. I am redeemed by the Lord. I am loved by the Lord. You don’t have “nothing”, you have EVERYTHING when you are God’s child. You are a prince, a queen, a heir! 
But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light. 1 Peter 2:9
When I was on the road in New Zealand with $5 it was hard to not think that “I had nothing”- God was instilling in me “You are my messenger, you are saved by the blood of Jesus, you have everything, you have the living Christ on the inside of you”.
You have the healing power to heal all sickness and disease.
You have all riches in Christ Jesus according to His riches in glory.
You have the power of the blood to conquer demons, fear, anxiety and depression.
You have the knowledge of being a child of God, protected by the Father, you are not an orphan.
No matter where you go, you are protected by God’s angels in all corners of the world.
Jesus has triumphed death on the cross for you so you have eternal life.
You have a comforter named the Holy Spirit that when you are heart broken you can turn to Him.
You have a God who leads you no matter what circumstances you are in. The voice of God will lead you to where you need to go.
You have divine knowledge about the world around you.
YOU HAVE DOMINION OVER EVERY ATMOSPHERE around you. EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON AROUND YOU YOU CAN PRAY OVER. If there is a man possessed, you can cast out that demon.
One time I was in Fiji and a man was talking to himself. I went over and cast out the spirit of lack. Immediately he talked like a normal person and asked if he could carry my bags. 
You are whole in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus, which means you are NOT LACKING in anyway! You don’t need to do better or be better, you are already the best in God’s eyes.
Everything is spiritual on this earth. Every conflict, fight has to do with “a spirit of lack” that tries to make humans feel less than. The devil will come to attack your mind but claim the blood of Jesus over you.

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You Are Loved. Period.

Prophetic word- LET GO of LOT so you can move forward!!!!!

5 Now Lot, who was moving about with Abram, also had flocks and herds and tents. 6 But the land could not support them while they stayed together, for their possessions were so great that they were not able to stay together. 7 And quarreling arose between Abram’s herders and Lot’s. The Canaanites and Perizzites were also living in the land at that time.

8 So Abram said to Lot, “Let’s not have any quarreling between you and me, or between your herders and mine, for we are close relatives. 9 Is not the whole land before you? Let’s part company. If you go to the left, I’ll go to the right; if you go to the right, I’ll go to the left.”

Genesis 13

What breaks my heart for women, especially that I’ve been talking to….is that they allow the wrong people into their life and they think they are being loving by sacrificing their own time and energy to help them, but instead they are being completely drained! 

I had this belief that I had to help as many people as possible.

 

But I was wrong. So wrong. God taught me that I can’t throw my pearls to swine, and the reason I was getting unnecessarily persecuted was because I was trying to feed people that didn’t want to be fed. 

It’s hard because when you start to set boundaries you may fear losing a friend. Maybe they won’t want your help anymore, and that means you may not feel loved because they are not constantly asking you for help.

But your relationship shouldn’t be based on helping each other all the time, but on actual enjoyment. It’s like you wouldn’t want to be in a relationship where you are drained and constantly weighed down, it should be based on enjoyment. Who wants to marry someone where you are constantly emotionally drained. 

You should be enjoying each others’ presence.

Are you enjoying God? Do you know God enjoys your presence? Do you enjoy your own presence? 

There is nothing more or less you can do for God to love you.

What is God like?

He loves you and cherishes you. He holds you when you are about to fall. He loves all unconditionally. His voice is the voice of desire, not the voice of guilt or obligation. I pray today you will receive the father’s love in a new way. 

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A picture from a train in New York

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How To Overcome Addiction

All pornography, drug, alcohol, sex, food, cutting, workaholic, hoarding, overachieving, self-harm, masturbation, even “self-help” addictions come from a desire for emotional connection. Because when we are shamed or guilt tripped for being our imperfect selves, we try to find comfort in something else. Everyone is just looking for love.

And a lot of it comes from neglect and lack of love.

Why don’t you come out of hiding and be who you really are? And let the ones that will love you for who you are, love you completely. 

The first step to healing is exposing and speaking the pain. Admitting that you need help, and then asking for help.

This is the season God is bringing us out of emotional hiding.

God wants to heal your heart right now. He says you are enough in my eyes because of Jesus’ sacrifice. You are whole in my eyes because Jesus died on the cross for all of your sins.
You are set free by His grace.

Also a song from Holy Spirit- I’ve Set You Free To Love

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You Are Enough & Not Lacking.

When I started to desire family I’d look at families and felt like I was lacking but the Lord showed me it was a lie.

I’d experience a spirit of lack and feel like wow I must be lacking because I’m single.

I’d feel like I’m lacking because I don’t have my dad with me. I’d feel like I’m lacking because my mother didn’t affirm me.

Here’s the revelation God gave me-

You don’t need a friend. You don’t need a community. You don’t need a car. You don’t need a house. You don’t need a husband or a boyfriend, a wife or girlfriend. You don’t need your parents. You don’t need anything outside of yourself because in God’s eyes you are whole because of Jesus’ sacrifice. You don’t need anyone to forgive you because Jesus already forgave you. You don’t need assurance, you don’t need affirmation, you don’t need more stuff, you are already enough.

You don’t need anything outside of yourself because when you come to know you are enough everything becomes a blessing, not a need.

Do you know your are enough? That you don’t need to do anything or go anywhere or achieve anything to be whole?

I am whole and if I am whole I won’t fear lack.

And if it’s just Jesus, it’s enough.

And if no one is by your side, you’re still enough.

And if they are, you’re enough.

They don’t add to you, because you are one whole being. They don’t take away from you. You cannot be any less or more.

Don’t feel bad for people who have less or who seem like they didn’t have much growing up.

In God’s eyes they are enough.

I don’t care how much money you have if you don’t know you are enough, it’s never enough.

I don’t care how many people love you if you think you need them to love you, you don’t really know who you are.

That’s called codependency.

I don’t need anyone outside of myself but if I seek for help it’s because I know I am valuable and worthy of love and that I’m whole on the inside.

So now I have people that love me, I felt lacking when I wasn’t with them or in touch with them and God showed me I actually don’t need them.

Sure they are additions and blessings to my life but I am not lacking when I’m not with them.

I spent some time grieving the past but I realize no I didn’t lose people, I was always whole.

I wasn’t lacking when I had little friends to support me.

I was enough then too.

And I won’t be sad to lose a friend because I know that there’s a time and season for everything.

In that way I can live in freedom, not in a mindset of fear and lack. I know even if I lose a friend I am enough.

I am whole all by myself.

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(Sessions via Skype or Facetime, worksheets and prophetic actionable steps to achieve solutions for your problems).

Hello! My name is Rebekka Lien. I am a Life Coach, Heart Healer, and Speaker who believes in SETTING people free from fear and limiting beliefs that get people stuck in negative cycles.fresha.com/rebekka-lien-rw8gamj0

I have worked with thousands of people around the world in 20 countries so my methods are sure fire ways to deliver people out of a lifetime of imprisonment. I am also a follower of Jesus so my words are Spirit-inspired and cuts to the core of the problems, with NO BS. It is called Prophecy, meaning I don’t even have to talk to you to know what is going on. God has the solution for you and He wants to set you free from the issues that keep hindering you from live your best life.

I was born in Hamburg, Germany, lived in Taipei, Taiwan and now in Los Angeles. I have traveled to 30 countries and hope to visit the whole world. My parents divorced when I was 8 and I have gone through a life time of healing and breaking off the spirit of lack and orphan in my life to come into the identity of being a child of God. You need to RULE in the authority God gave you.

You are a queen/king and you DESERVE To REIGN on this earth! 

Please feel free to write me at Rebekkalien@gmail.com to book Rebekka to speak.

 

A Homeless Prophet Finding Home

I told my friend that I didn’t feel welcomed anywhere. I was overseas ministering all over the world, impacting lives, praying over thousands of people and telling them about Jesus but when I come home all I get is yelling and accusation from my mother. I wanted to rest but I started to find myself trying to prove myself, trying to do more because her constant nagging made me feel insufficient.

I felt homeless. Like I wasn’t welcomed anywhere.

So I felt like running again when I got home (LA). I didn’t have a home. I felt like a homeless prophet. 

That has been the hardest thing for me. I wanted to go home but it didn’t feel like home. 

So I started to see how God would bring me to people who were homeless or felt like orphans. My friend said she saw me teaching the gospel to orphans and I started crying.

Bring the lost sheep home, I’ve been doing that for 2 years and the aching in my heart 💜 is when I literally can now sit next to someone and feel what they are feeling.

I was on the plane and asked this Korean man if he was okay. He said “why? do you feel something?”

“Yes, you seem very sad”.

He said “well I am 49 and when you are 50 in Korea, everything goes down hill”. Even though he was also a Christian, his mindset was culturally Korean.

I said that is not true and I said that God was his provider and that He would take care of him. He told me that he is trying to be a good Christian and I told him that in God’s eyes He is perfect because of Jesus’ sacrifice. He had tears in his eyes.

My heart is for those who feel rejected and burnt out. I met a woman in Seoul who told me that she wishes she could go home to a normal family. She feels accused of when she is home so she decided to go to Korea for one year. She was cleaning the beds in the hostel. I could feel the pain in her heart because I felt like that.

I told her the next day that she actually wanted to go home. She said “of course but I cannot, I don’t feel safe at home”.

There are so many young people who don’t feel loved and accepted by their family. Another woman on the train told me she only sees her mom twice a year because they don’t get along. She said she doesn’t want to get married and she is okay living alone. She says she never goes out. I told her how I started to tell my mother how I feel and that it’s brought release and healing to my heart.

She became quiet, she looked at me. It’s like looking into a mirror. She nodded. 

I can tell when I meet a wounded person, I can feel what they are feeling. And what will happen is that I will cry for them and with them. I know when I see a lost sheep, I know when I see someone who has been rejected. Because I am looking into a mirror. 

I have a heart for the orphans, those who feel outcasted by their own family.

I know how it feels to feel unwelcomed in your own home.

I’m learning to be open and just tell my mother how I feel.

To the lost sheep-

I have not forgotten you. I am here. I am with you.  You don’t have to do anymore. You don’t have to strive. You can rest with me. You don’t have to run, you are home with me. I love you very much, you are enough. While everyone will tell you you’re not enough, I will tell you, you are enough. Come home with me. You are home, you can rest now. 

Jesus.

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Consider giving a donation to bring lost sheep home- thank you! The money goes toward transportation (as I do uber ministry), food and sometimes accomodation, sometimes God also tells me to give the money to those in need. In God’s timing I am looking for a house to have house church meetings and to live in. In this church we will welcome the spiritually weary, who are tired of trying and tired of being told what to do. In this church, people can cry and sleep, they won’t have to strive, they know they are enough and accepted in God’s eyes. Here their hearts will find rest and they will be home. I won’t talk about theology or tell people what to do, they can rest and they can find solace in God’s love. They will be welcomed by a spiritual mother, and one day a spiritual father and we will just sit and be with them. They won’t have to please us, they will find identity in Christ Jesus. 

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Prophetic Word- Giving Up Your Isaac, Trusting God And Not The Outcome

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Yesterday was a whirlwind for me. The night before I woke up and felt God say that I needed to cancel my flight, and that I should drive to New York with my friend. I saw us visiting different people throughout the states. I texted her that and then deleted it in the morning as I was having doubts. She told me God also told her the same.

She had tried to convince her dad but he was not budging. He was withholding the keys from her and maybe even mentioned that I may be a false prophet. I’m not bothered by it because I know it’s not true.

I was tired all day trying to figure things out. The truth is God had showed me signs of New York everywhere, through t-shirts, signs. He told me to book a flight to New York, then He told me to book a flight to Korea, then another. Whenever the finances came in for it, I obeyed and booked the one way flights (the flights almost add up to $1000). But I was also asking God “but what if you change plans on me?”

This has happened before. One time I had a flight booked to Paris and I woke up from a dream where He told me to go to China. Turns out I ended up meeting a girl in Beijing who had the same story. She was redirected to go to China when she was going somewhere else, she had to change several flights to do it.

But most flights I book are non-refundable. So of course I had doubts.

Yesterday I felt a well of energy and thought “why do I have to wait for other people, just go!”

So I went. At first I thought I would sleep at the korean spa but when the uberpool driver stopped to pick someone up at Union Station, I suddenly felt God say to go to the airport. So I asked to get off and paid for a flyaway ticket to LAX. I started having anxiety in the bus. When my friend texted me “even if you make the wrong decisions, God is still in it”. Somehow I felt set free of trying to make the “right decisions”.

Well, I even paid for a carry on (something I didn’t want to do before but somehow 2 of my friends sowed $31 and $23 that very day to cover the bag which was $49). I check in. I’m at the airport, it’s 10pm-11pm…I find a nook to sleep on the floor and suddenly I’m very tired.

“Why am I sleeping on the floor at an airport?” As I thought about the 15 hour trip that I’d have to take, well, 3 layovers…one in Denver, one in Vegas, one in Chicago. I was laying there and suddenly heard God say “go home”. I heard it a few times on the bus too but thought well, now I’m confused.

I call my friend in Europe. She tells me “it’s very normal to have confusion when you’re working with other people since you are experiencing their junk and vice versa”.

I’m like omg you’re right. So we pray and somehow I hear again “go home”.

But I don’t want to, my body is tired, I feel dead inside. God why? Why have me book flights and then tell me to cancel them. What a waste.

But I remember what He said to me “whatever done in faith is never a waste, and will be rewarded”. 

It’s not about the final result, or the success rate of things happening, it’s trusting God no matter how crazy it looks. 

So it’s 1 am and I walk out of the airport, having checked in, and I’m probably still checked in to the 3 flights I was going to go on. 

I take an uber home from the airport. In my mind I just wasted $100 going back and forth from the airport and paying for the bag. I know, I can’t get over why God would have me do that.

It doesn’t make sense right?

But God’s ways are not man’s ways. 

I had a few people tell me that they encountered redirection from God yesterday and it really confused them. They really started to question if they were even hearing God right.

Well here’s what I’m hearing-

“baby boy, baby girl,

Don’t look back. My ways are not your ways. My thoughts are not your thoughts. Don’t be afraid of failure. Don’t be afraid of closed doors. I want you TO TRY with all your might. I don’t want you to live life afraid. And sometimes I may ask you to wait and be patient. Sometimes I may ask you to step out in faith and maybe you won’t see a successful “ending” to the thing I’ve asked you to step out in faith on, but that’s all a part of trusting me and trusting that I am enough for you.

It’s not about getting there, it’s about walking with me through it all.

Do you trust me? Let go and surrender. It’s not on your shoulders to make the right decisions. I want you to be a child and never be afraid to fail, never be afraid to try. I’m a good father, I won’t fail you. See some of you try to put your hope in a person or a trip, or ministry, or a career, or a job….but put your trust in me. 

It’s not about the success rate my friend, it’s about knowing you are enough no matter what happens. Even if you will no longer be the “supposed love of your life”. Even if you lose money from flights canceled. Even if God has you quit a job you thought you liked“.

I had a dream that I was sitting at a table and I moved farther to see the board clearer (but I stepped in between two people talking). And someone from Kim Kardashian’s family said “why did you interrupt the man to sit here”. Say “sorry”. So I said “sorry” but continued sitting there.

Sometimes you have to move away from the “goal” to see clearer. God is giving you 20/20 vision right now. The funny thing is when I was on the bus, I remembered I left my contact lens at home. This has happened a few times recently. I left my contact lens at my friend’s house.

The truth is……God has me in a season where I am training up leaders, pioneers. But their problems sometimes overwhelm me. I feel like a free bird but sometimes when I train others up, I feel the weight of their burdens or the weight of their chains. I want to set them free immediately but I know it’s a process too on their end. And so perhaps the truth is – I wanted to run, run ahead, run away and not have to feel responsible for them. It’s easier to be alone I think. Sometimes I don’t feel capable. I want to live a normal life where I don’t have to help anyone. 

“Why do you think I set you free?” God says to me.

“It’s to set others free”.

Okay well maybe sometimes I don’t feel up to the task and maybe I don’t want to set boundaries, and maybe I don’t know how. That’s why I say “I want to be alone” because when you’re alone you don’t have to tell anyone anything. You don’t have to speak your mind, you can sit comfortably and mind your own business. 

But when you have other people involved, you have to learn to set boundaries, you have to learn to speak up, you have to be honest, you have to say sorry sometimes, you have to be considerate of others.

When you’re alone, it’s too easy. You have no one else to consider and it’s awesome. But you also don’t have anyone to love or to be supported by. And I feel maybe I’m scared I’ll be bogged down by their problems, and not know how to say no or to say “hey I need time for myself” because that has been the case in the past growing up with a single mom. 

I was sitting there at the airport and suddenly the intercom said “if you need help ask Matt Damon, cuz he has no friends”.

It pierced me. Okay God. What the heck.

Many of us have been longing for friends but when we get them we are overwhelmed that we don’t know how to be ourselves and speak our truth in that relationship. So we hide, we run. The same cycle of broken relationships.  

God wants us healed.

I was telling my friend that when God told me to go to Taiwan God told me to book a flight ticket on my credit card in faith, He said someone would pay for it. 

I sat my mom down and told her I was going as I already booked a ticket, I didn’t know how long I was going to be gone for. That’s it. It wasn’t even an option that I stayed. If God told me to go, I was going even if it meant I had to just trust Him for the finances (since I didn’t have anything saved up lest $20).

She ended up paying for my flight and even though she didn’t talk to me for 2 days, a wall was broken.

I’ve done many things like that. Going to South Africa with $20 in my pocket and that’s where God had me start my ministry, on facebook.

One time I had a layover in LA, and I had another flight continuing. I probably had a few bucks in my wallet, but I would’ve still gone if my mom said no. I knew God would provide either way.

This is a season where God is redirecting us into community. SO it may be scary and daunting.

This is a season of big faith….and this faith may be letting go of a plan or vision God gave you, you know giving up your Isaac. 

Do you trust God for the best?

He has your best interest in mind.

What is your Isaac? What do you need to let go? Is it control? Is it the outcome?

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