Growing In Emotional Maturity

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I find this a juxtaposition of “isolation” on the right versus “community” on the left side. This was taken in Santa Monica.

Every day that goes by I realize I never confronted my dad.

Just let him get away with it. Just let those people who abandoned and walked away get away with it. 

That was also my pattern. I let people step on me and abuse me, mistreated me but I didn’t speak up for myself. I didn’t say how I felt. It would become so much I’d block them, cut them off. That was my pattern. Because I didn’t know how to communicate how I felt. In my mom’s eyes, I was always wrong. I was always the scapegoat for all her stress and problems. Both my brother and I were. 

So I silenced myself and got shingles when I was 14. 

I endured the yelling and the temper fits. 

“I deserve to be punished” – that’s how I felt.

“I am the reason for all her problems and stress”

“I am a burden”

These were lies that were ingrained into me because of my upbringing. My mother was emotionally unstable. She probably didn’t talk to a therapist about how she felt. She was always blaming my dad. I heard things like “he’s evil, he’s a bad person”.

These were said to me-

“you’re an adult, get over it”

“you should just forgive and forget”

“You keep living in the past”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be so honest and blunt because it may push him away”

I realized that I shouldn’t be blamed for feeling how I feel. No one should throw bible verses at you to quiet and silence your emotions. It’s too easy to do that. That’s why a lot of Christians are emotionally immature. They allow people to step on them thinking that’s Christ-like, it’s being loving…but it’s not.

Love is SPEAKING UP FOR YOURSELF. LOVE IS RESPECTING YOURSELF. LOVE IS VALUING YOUR OPINIONS AND EMOTIONS! 

We have a soul, we have a spirit, we have emotions….the emotional part of ourselves is what is often not nurtured and taken care of because of emotionally immature parents. 

We were taught to-

“get over it”

“don’t cry”

“be positive”

These are blanket statements to shut people up. It keeps people in isolation and is a trap from the devil to dishonor and disrespect your heart. 

Love is communicating your truth and having someone say “I still love you”.

Love is being understood, even if that truth is not what you want to hear.

It’s okay to say-

“I don’t really understand your point of view, but I can agree to disagree”

“I understand we are different people and we have different ways of doing things, but how you do things is just as valuable as the way I do things”

Here’s what I learned-

  1. If someone does not have a relationship with you, they are just acquaintances….they don’t have a right to tell you what to do nor even give input into your life. They don’t know your heart.
  2. A true love friendship, relationship is a conversation, not a monologue or a tyranny of someone trying to control you and tell you what to do.

Remember, a relationship is a constant conversation, it’s communication. It has nothing to do with right or wrong. People who have shut down their emotions and heart often become religious because they don’t accept their emotions as valid.

Your emotions are valid. If you are hurt, it is valid. If you are angry, it is valid.

My dad never responds to my messages or calls but I realize…I can still express how I feel. I can send messages, I can record messages. I can still speak how I feel.

It’s not a relationship, no. But it says to my heart “my thoughts and emotions matter”.

Even if your parents passed away or if someone walked away from you, you can record a message or write a letter to tell them how you feel. That says to your heart “your opinion and emotions matter”. 

I just sent messages to a friend who cut me off and it felt good to release how I felt.

I am learning how to be in emotional mature friendships. It’s not always easy but telling the truth will set you free. 

Relationship isn’t telling someone what to do. 

Relationship is a conversation, it’s constant communication of how you feel. 

Relationship isn’t about being right or wrong but honoring someone’s heart and accepting where they are in their hearts without pushing them or forcing them to be somewhere they are not.

Relationship is accepting where they are, even if that’s a place of pain and hurt.

Sow a seed to this ministry-
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Unsure But Faithful

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“Okay God, if you want me to go then give me more confirmation”

I fall asleep and I have dreams with clear directions about how to get there.

When I follow God’s voice, sometimes I’m unsure. Maybe it’s the fear that sets in or uncertainty. Yesterday I went to the beach but midway I felt my heart go “go home”. I felt fear. What am I supposed to expect. It’s late, why is the bus taking so long?

But I get on the train, the Lord tells me “the middle train” and I sit right near this Cambodian ex-gang member that I met on the bus one night. He was also Christian. I couldn’t believe it. He said he moved to San Pedro. And here we met again in a train at Union Station.

I can trust what I am hearing, but at times Satan tries to lie to me and tell me I’m all alone.

I had a dream that I found my blue gym bag and it said “just do it”. Yesterday I saw a woman wearing “just do it” leggings. 

When the Lord tells us to go He is asking us to have faith and trust He is our provider, our GPS at all times, and that He will keep us safe. He will also send people our way at all times. 

Just when I think I’m alone, God always sends a divine appointment and I realize that “Yes I am on the right path”. Doubt creeps in pretty easily, especially if someone is following you on the train, and you don’t feel safe at times. That happened one day.

Yesterday I took the train from Pasadena to Downtown and I heard “move” when I sat in the first car. I heard “middle car” so I moved to the middle car and immediately there was a man who started talking to me.

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I am pretty sensitive to God’s voice but there are times I want to sulk or stay in my flesh.

This morning the Lord said –

“What are you doing?”

“Laying here”

“It’s time to go”

“Can you pick someone else?”

“I will take you places you can’t even imagine, all you have to do is be my mouthpiece”

“Sometimes I just want to be normal and not have people persecuting me”

But I know the truth is, I would be really bored if I lived a normal life. 

I’m not sure if I like seeing people manifest all the time, I’m not sure if I like fear trying to attack me when I’m following God everyday, I’m not sure if I want my heart to be open at all times (which is what ministering to people is…I’m constantly feeling emotions, crying for people, caring), I’m not sure if I liked being stretched everyday, I’m not sure if I want to trust God all the time….

But whenever I do trust God, the outcome is always good. That’s why I don’t like not listening. I have always seen God pull through, set me free from a limiting mindset, bless me, or open my heart. He has sent me to thousands of people all around the world. I am so rich with love. 

I’m not sure if I want to feel though, to feel the immense well of pain, love, laughter, emotions that comes with loving. And I meet people on a daily basis.

Yesterday I missed my stop but I got off and heard “hollywood”. A guy told me he was gorgeous and I asked what his tattoos meant. He said “it’s a bible verse”. I said I do ministry and God led me to him.

He said “I’m backslidden though”. We got on the bus and got off at Ralphs. He said he was just selling marajuana and other things….I said “meth?” “Yes” “See I’m a prophet, I know”.

Strangely, he also got his phone stolen.

A lot of issues and addictions come from feeling unloved and unwanted by our parents and God sends me to show people “hey, go home, hey you are wanted, hey it’s okay to reach out for help, hey you’re worthy of love, you’re a success, God is proud of you, there is no shame”.

God is stretching me, my understanding of love.

People I never thought I had the capacity to love, I’m learning to love. The drug addicts, the prostitutes, the pimps even, the gangsters, the cheats, the liars, the homeless because we are all fallen, we were all with sin but Jesus died on the cross for our sins, so no one is better.

I have a fear of being cold. Sometimes I wear what the Lord tells me to. Yesterday He told me to wear shorts so I did. It was really short so I caught people staring at me and felt unsafe. When I got to the beach I heard “change” so I changed into my dress. When I came out I saw this beautiful woman. I said hi to her. She came to me “do you have pants?”

“I said, actually I do! God told me to wear shorts” so I took off my shorts from underneath my dress and gave it to her. She was so happy. I asked if she was homeless and she said “yes”. I said “do you have a bra?” She said “no it’s okay”. I took off my sports bra because my dress didn’t really require a bra. She put it on right away and tried to give me back her shirt and I said “no you’re cold, you need it”. She tried to leave it but she came back for it.

Then I gave her $5 (grace) and she said here “have $2 (double portion)”.

She kept saying “thank you”. And I felt this warmth. I started sweating and felt really hot. I realize it was God saying “don’t worry about being cold”. That night someone called a lyft for me after spending time with them, so I didn’t even need my sweater. I wish I obeyed and just gave my sweater to her.

God’s ways really isn’t our ways and when we trust God completely we will see that He always provides what we need.

Sow a seed to this ministry-
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Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

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I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!

For coaching sessions- rebekkalien@gmail.com

 

Are You Ready For Your Husband/Wife?

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I want a guy who asks me how my day was? What my hopes and dreams are? How am I feeling?

A man, not a boy. A man who cares about me, not just his ego. A man who wants to take care of me, make me feel loved. He is not egotistical, self-centered. He is able to be vulnerable and emotional. He is in touch with his emotions and know what he is feeling. He can feel his heart.

“How are you doing?” not just “what did you eat for dinner?”

And he listens, not just talks.

So many guys talk, they go on long monologues about things I’m not interested in. I want a guy to say “I love you, and you’re the only one I want to be with”. I’m the only love interest in his life, not another girl, another pretty face.

He sees my value and my worth. He sees that I am more than anything he owns on this earth, more than gold or dollar signs. 

He is willing to die for me and show that he cares, by listening, by talking, by conversing. He puts emotional connection first, not physical connection. Because without emotional connection, nothing else matters.

I want a man, not a boy. A man is not afraid of tears, he is in touch with his emotions even if he seems weak in peoples’ eyes. His vulnerability is his strength, he is willing to admit when he is sad or angry. He is willing to admit he feels jealous. But he won’t control, he will communicate his fears.

Are you willing to be vulnerable enough to admit that –

  1. You’re scared
  2. You miss someone
  3. You don’t want to seem like a fool but here’s all of your emotions
  4. You’re insecure
  5. Be honest and tell someone how you actually feel

Over the last few months God has taught me so much about what I want and how to be honest with people I meet, at any cost. This means that I have told my truth even though it may have hurt someone.

I want to be –

  1. Understood
  2. Heard
  3. Cared for

I have met plenty of self- centered men that only like me for my beauty or for how I make them feel.

The truth is – they should be interested in your dreams too, they should support you in what you want to do. 

A man who supports your dreams should ask you this-

  1. How can I help?
  2. How do you need to be loved?
  3. How can I make you feel secure?

and they communicate their emotions to you. They don’t run away from confrontation, they meet you half way. They show up.

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Make a donation to this ministry-

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Cashapp-gugibabu

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Prophetic Word- Sing A NEW SONG! Pioneers RISE!

I find it so hilarious that people are posting negative comments on my blog. Just know that I don’t read negative comments. I delete them.

Sing a new song! Pioneers arise!

Don’t stay silent!

Don’t stay muzzled! God is releasing a new song through you and it’s going to SHIFT AND CHANGE atmospheres! Keep speaking truth and life! 

Keep shifting and changing atmospheres!

Don’t submit to fear! Yes! Don’t submit!

ROAR! SPEAK UP!

 

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tiktok.com/@rebekkalien

Make a donation to this ministry-

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

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Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Cashapp-gugibabu

Monthly Partnership- https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my…

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I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!

Unconditional Love

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We all need love but when we have been hurt we don’t want to open up again.
Love needs to invade the walls of self protection and when unveiled, we feel vulnerable and open to pain or attack.
Sure it hurts. But then we rise again.
Recently a situation with a guy I met helped me see that my heart was shut down because my dad doesn’t talk to me. I’ll open my heart to connect but then suddenly it’s like he doesn’t care anymore. It’s like I don’t exist. I had to reach out to the guy to understand why he didn’t text or call me. We had to communicate. A part of me thought what’s the point, we are not going to be together. But it really did help, I didn’t feel ignored and I felt loved to hear truth.
Honest truth.
I grew up feeling emotionally shut down, sometimes depressed. I thought God was ignoring me. I wouldn’t let people in and when I did, it hurt and sometimes when I told the truth, most people left.
The truth was too much for them. They wanted me to be silent. They wanted me to fit in. They wanted me to be what they expected of me. They liked me when I didn’t speak up, when I conformed.
They attacked me for being different.
I was attacked my whole life for standing out, so I shut down and people pleased.
Then when God told me to speak up, I lost friends, I got persecuted, I was rejected, I was judged.
I lost everything that was false. I sold everything to follow Jesus. I got rid of my car and my apartment. Everything was a facade of success. I was struggling to pay my bills, I was broken inside. When I did that people criticized me. They didn’t understand I was being set free from what bond me.
Conditional love.
I had only experienced conditional love. The type of love that loves you only when you conform and fit in. The type of love that only loves you when you listen to them.
That was the bondage, the spirit of lack.
I never experienced being loved for who I am.
And now as I’m coming out of hiding, I tell my complete truth, I need help, I’m not perfect.
I want to be loved for who I am, not the perfect me, the me now. Enough in God’s eyes, whole in God’s eyes.
Unconditional love.

I Need Your Help!

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Okay, apparently I don’t know how to be helped or to ask for help.

God keeps telling me to ask for help and it’s true. I do need it. I’m living alone right now and the quarantine is not helping. My mom should be back from work soon. I’m still on the streets meeting divine appointments as the Lord guides me but it’s still hard. It’s been a tough process. God has been healing me from father wounds.

I’m getting hate mail too, great, trolls. This time is making the crazies come out, they are criticizing me and everything I do. And I KNOW I AM ENOUGH IN CHRIST JESUS! 

I NEED YOUR HELP.
Here are ways you can help:
1. Donate to the ministry-
Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com
My testimony-
2. Pray-
Pray for my tongue, I bit on it and it hurts
Pray for good health and protection against anything
Pray for God to move in the hearts of those that I have met and will meet
Pray for God to heal my heart and to bring “family and my tribe” to me
3. Connect-
If you’d like to connect or pray with me, send me a message, we can skype, facetime, etc. I need all the emotional support I can get. If you’d like to meet too, let me know. God is bringing people together in this time and it’s really crazy to see how God is moving!!!
4. Send a word of encouragement by commenting below! 
How is GOD WORKING!???
Through this corona virus time, GOD IS ACTUALLY MOVING INCREDIBLY! Since people are feeling really alone, they are COMING OUT OF HIDING. God has been telling me to REACH OUT TO PEOPLE and people are responding. People are even revealing themselves by being triggered by my facebook posts.
Just this morning the Lord had someone think of me, and she reached out to me, and we talked on the phone. I prayed with this girl to accept Jesus at a gym! This happened to her yesterday with someone she had not talked to for 6 YEARS!
Yesterday I met a guy who just got kicked out by his girlfriend and I got to prophesy over him. The Lord told me to go see my friend so I took a train headed there but had to return something at Target. Well, when I walked out the train God told me to pray for him. He had tattoos and a backpack by his side, he was charging his phone.
I decided to walk past him but he said “where are you going?” 
I asked if he was Christian and he said yes.
I told him he needed to ask for help! His great grandpa had started a church but here he was with nowhere to stay. He said “I never ask for help”. Well, “now is the time to do so brother!” I also told him he was a pastor and preacher and God would use his story to help people.
This season IS FORCING PEOPLE to ask for help, to come out of hiding so they can reconnect or connect. 
Don’t BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP in this season. IF you need someone to talk to- reach out. Let’s bring the bride of Christ together. Let’s “buy the house” and invest into the kingdom. The church is the body of Christ. Let’s operate like a real family and reach out to those who need help and help those who need it.
Love, Rebekka

 

BREAKTHROUGH TESTIMONY- Holy Spirit Cannot Be Quarantined

Oh how the Lord broke through my heart today. The wonderful ways He breaks through my heart. I’ve been frustrated with people lately because I think people are going overboard with the virus issue, but DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT MY DAY?

I had a dream that a man was telling me to go to far away places. He drew out a map and I saw a motorcycle in the dream. Acceleration. I was sitting in a jacuzzi and I was in Hawaii. I realize I did want to go to far away places. I saw a blue door.

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When I woke up around 8:30 am I heard “go now”. I was doubting His voice, but I started getting ready. There was a game show interview but I heard “change it to tomorrow”.

“GO NOW”, again I heard. I started to get dressed and heard “wear pants, you’re going to run”. 

I started running after the bus. Immediately “talk to the driver”. He turned out to be Catholic and never grew up with his dad. He didn’t even know if he was alive. I shared my story with him, I could feel something in my heart. He offered me pork rinds.

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I get off. Walk around, get on the next bus, more men. This time a deaf guy asks for my number.

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I go to El Pollo Loco and I’m eating at the counter and am told not to, so then I hear them saying “china”. I’m hurt because I feel like they are making fun of me regarding the virus.

I call my friend. But I hear “ask for help”. I do, I try to call everyone I know. One replies. A guy I met at the Abbey. I tell him what happened and start crying. 

I go back to El Pollo and confront them. She said they weren’t making fun of me, they were just talking about my backpack. She apologizes, I feel better. I remember how this Mexican guy yelled at me during the Sars epidemic and told me to put on a mask.

I walk to the bus stop and meet a guy. He is muslim, I tell him about Jesus. We talk throughout the whole bus ride. He wants to be my boyfriend but I tell him my husband needs to be Christian. I tell him he needs to go see his parents and he said his parents have already offered him a plane ride but if he believes in Jesus, his parents may kill him.

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I feel weird, I feel something in my heart. I feel heat rise up to my face.

I take another bus back to Pasadena. I’m talking to another bus driver, a male again. I go to Target as God has been putting on my heart to get a bike. A guy helps me, and then another guy comes. Immediately I am drawn to him. He says he grew up Catholic and I share my faith with him.

I remember my first boyfriend was white and Mexican too.

I buy popcorn chicken. The lady tells me she remembers me….I was talking to the Christian lady that worked there last time.

I get on another bus and immediately see a guy with a thug life hat. He’s a lost sheep I know this. He is hard of hearing.  We talk and I offer him chicken. He says he is really hungry and going to work so I give him food, a lot of food. He tells me he has never had a girlfriend (or in a long time) and we are sitting together, I tell him I do ministry. We are trying our best to communicate. He says he is Catholic too, Mexican as well. Basically everyone I met today was Mexican.

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I lay hands on his ears, I’m not afraid of the virus. I’m more concerned about healing him. That’s what I do. Jesus is not afraid of people. He heals the sick.

I get off and hear “downey”, I was hearing it all day. Well, it’s late. I intend to go home because it is safe, but I walk past the local laundry mat and see a girl. I tell her I’m a Christian and she says me too! I ask for her info but she declines. She tells me she forgot her laundry yesterday and came back to get it.

God tells me to walk her home but she declines. She says “I don’t make friends, I keep things professional”. I ask “are you scared of people?” She says “yes”. 

I walk home but feel no peace. God am I hearing right? Am I doing too much? I mean I’ve talked to a lot of people today.

But yes, I follow the prompting (leave my house) and I go to the bus stop. It will take 3 buses to get there but I hear “ask for help” after I get off 260 S. Previously the Lord told me to call a guy friend and he says “you won’t believe what just happened, a girl just asked me for a ride and to buy her food”.

I get off the bus…I’m scared, sure. I spot a white truck and a man eating alone.

“Hi, I’m Christian and God told me to ask for help, can I have a ride to Downey? I am a prophet and I hear God’s voice”.

Conversation ensues and he buys me food. We start going towards home but I hear Downey again so I tell him to turn around. He tells me his daughter and him have cancer. He tells me he went through a similar issue as my dad. I start crying, big big tears. He tells me his dad left them too, 8 kids.

I’m crying and I can’t stop. This is what God wanted, a breakthrough in my heart. Because I was praying for people to be delivered of the deaf and mute spirit. I felt muted, emotionally. I felt an emotional breakthrough.

But now, heat was rising up my throat and to my face, circulation was happening. Something spiritual. I felt loved. My face felt hot.

I prayed over him and told him HE WAS NOT A SINNER because JESUS MADE HIM WHOLE. I TOLD HIM TO RECITE “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus”. He had done enough for his daughter, he was enough.

It reminded me that I needed to see my dad that way even if he didn’t raise me. That I needed to release him from hatred.

The man called an uber for me. I hugged him. He was healed too. He said he isn’t as close to his daughter anymore but he wanted to be closer to her.

A Vietnamese man picks me up. He is married. God tells me to tell him “I love you”. I say “Jesus tells you He loves you”. God tells me to give him $1. He is Buddhist. He says in America people love Jesus more. He is elated with $1. But there is significance. Whatever you give to, you will reap.

You will get married, God says. Whatever or whoever you give to, you will reap. If you are giving to someone who has breakthroughs and freedom in their life, you will reap it. If you give to someone who has a big calling and purpose on their life, you have the same. If a musician gives to you, you’re a musician. So forth, I’ve found God does this prophetically. He will often ask me to give or ask for donations depending on the situation of what needs to happen in peoples’ hearts.

My life is crazy on so many levels but I see the fruit before the seed even hits the ground.

GOD SHAKES ME on so many levels. He heals me on SO MANY LEVELS.

Maybe some people are afraid of the virus, but I see that GOD REALLY HAS NOT GIVEN ME A SPIRIT OF FEAR BUT OF A SOUND MIND! AND HEALING, WHOLENESS, RESTORATION. 

GOD IS GOOD! When I get home, my musician guy friend has given a donation. I see the double portion of fruit bearing. If you open your heart, you will receive in love and provision. If you ask, you will receive.

Sow a seed to this ministry. You will surely be rewarded! God bless you!

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

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https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

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