What It Means To Trust God

It’s one thing to say “just trust God” when you’re in an environment you know and with family and friends around you, it’s another when you’re alone (with Jesus and a hosts of angels) in a foreign country, your phone broke, you are low on cash and your card stopped working.

I have been through many situations on this missionary journey of following Jesus that looked like God would not come through. There were many nights I couldn’t sleep from unknown noises, TV next door, the mosque prayers, the noises seemed to be endless.

Your back starts hurting and your feet are swollen from walking.

Sure I pray for people and give them a solution from God, I help entangle the mess people aren’t able to step out from and entangle themselves, but sometimes I ask God “how about me?”

You are free.

You are enough in Christ Jesus. I may not look like I have everything but I have everything – Jesus.

The enemy will bring situations to wear you down, and then he will say “see God must not be with you, if He was with you this wouldn’t be happening” but in those tests and trials God actually wants to solidify your faith and trust in God.

He is training you to trust Him as your Father. I believe many of us don’t see God at work because we haven’t put Him to the test, we haven’t walked out in faith.

Perhaps God has called you to leave a relationship, to leave home, to quit your job, to pursue something new and you’re afraid.

I’m not always brave.

In fact a lot of times I feel anxious, I feel like I can’t sleep and I have to battle those thoughts with prayer.

I feel exhausted physically.

Then God says “you are enough, you are not lacking, I am enough for you”.

So today as I was walking I just kept saying “I am blessed and highly favored”.

Yesterday I was so tired I kept thinking I feel like I’m dying and God said speak life! So I said okay….all things are possible through Christ who strengthens me.

In order to really live in grace you need to put God to the test.

If He said to quit your job, you do it trusting God is your provider.

If He told you to be a prophet missionary and travel without knowing how you will do it, you trust Him and walk in it.

I feel weaker and weaker in my flesh but stronger in the spirit. I know I cannot boast in my flesh at all, it’s God who has brought me through everything.

And that’s grace.

I cannot do anything on my own but with Christ alone.

Have you put God to the test? He will show Himself faithful. Step out in faith.

Sow a seed- Your giving makes changing lives possible as I minister to and share the gospel of grace to people around the world! There is an ongoing need to fulfill the mandate the Lord has put on my life. Join me as I change and save lives! 

Thank you! 




Erasing Perfectionism in Relationships


This post is super vulnerable as I battled not being able to sleep and was having anxiety due to the TV playing next door. Slowly I felt the thoughts come to me.

I have a fear of intimacy. I’ve been told to tone it down as people have set boundaries with me before. Often my expressiveness, my too much news, my over emotions causes people to pull away from me.

I don’t know how to be a happy medium so I hold back.

I feel like I’m too much so I pent up what I’m actually feeling.

TV noises bother me. I like sleeping on schedule. I’m a control freak about getting my 8 hours, so I’m a perfectionist in some ways and I’ve tried to be perfect in friendships- always running over to be the shoulder for others to cry on and sometimes neglecting myself and my needs.

So as I’m coming out of the cave of emotional intimacy, I’m realizing that I’m petrified of telling my truth because I’ve been rejected for being too honest, I’ve been ridiculed or pushed away for being honest.

There’s a push and pull of wanting what I want and sometimes feeling like over indulging.

With food, sometimes I want sugar. I want a lot of it but then I feel guilty and bad for taking in so much of it.

I doubt my heart sometimes, I think this is too good to be true and find the smallest thing irritating.

I have so much energy and creativity in my mind I feel crazy half the time.

I’m hyper sensitive to noise. I can hear wiring in a wall, the smallest intonation, music notes that a noise makes. I know which do re mi it is.

There’s not enough paper for me to write all of my thoughts in this world.

I’m a bottle ready to explode at any time and sometimes I try to contain it.

I go back and forth, taking naps, then not being able to sleep at night.

I am enough in Christ Jesus. I am not lacking. I am not too much or not enough. I’m just the way God made me.

This is the truth, that I am ultimately enough and I can stop holding my breathe. 

Sometimes I don’t know what I want and I get caught up with making the “right decisions” when in reality there is no right decision because in Christ we have the freedom to follow our hearts and trust that God gave us those desires.

There is no wrong decision when you know you are righteous in Christ Jesus.

So live in freedom. You don’t have to be perfect in any relationship.

I dare you to be honest. I dare you to tell your truth. I dare you to not hold back anymore.

Yes you’ll get hurt. I got hurt because people didn’t respond the same way I acted towards them but that is love and thats what God has called me to and yes it sucks sometimes and I have to go back to wherever I’m staying and cry because these were not going to be friends forever people, but simply people I prayed for.

I put my heart out there every single day. I pray and talk to strangers. It’s a tough life but I has taught me to live fiercely, without reserve.

It is 1:39am and I can’t sleep. The TV sounds are coming by through the walls and I’m like Lord help me. There’s nothing I can do now but it provoked these thoughts. So I guess holy spirit works in weird and strange and uncomfortable ways.

I dare you to tell your truth this year without caring what people will think. Put your heart out there and don’t hold back anymore. There’s no right or wrong, be free in relationships. Tell your truth even if others disagree with you. You don’t have to be perfect.

You don’t always have to be there for people, you don’t always have to be on, you can be weak and say so, you can be honest and be loved for who you are bd not who you pretend to be.

Sow a seed- Your giving makes changing lives possible as I minister to and share the gospel of grace to people around the world! There is an ongoing need to fulfill the mandate the Lord has put on my life. Join me as I change and save lives! 

Thank you! 




It’s Time To Go Home Prodigal Sons and Daughters. Why God Closes Doors?

Bus rides give me a lot of inspiration, especially since I never buy SIM cards when I’m traveling.

This popped in my mind-

“God will close a door or cause you to be ‘unsuccessful’ if it will prevent you from a lifetime of living like an unloved orphan”.


This happened to me. I never felt like I was enough. I was freelancing and working after I quit my full time job in fashion. I started selling jewelry, after I branched out and started teaching sewing, mandarin, cello. I was always an entrepreneur. I was multi- talented.

It was actually God who led me to these different industries, real estate, fashion, acting.

I had interests and passions in all of them but I needed to know my identity.

That is why Jesus told me to sell everything and follow Him. To lay my life and dreams down for His house and His kingdom.

Because the american dream is an orphan dream. It says that the most wonderful thing is to become independent, to own a house, have a family, be successful in your career- it’s an orphan dream though if you are living out of woundedness, rejection or an orphan spirit.

An orphan spirit says that you are all alone and no one loves you.

An orphan spirit often isolates you and perhaps you haven’t talked to your parents out of woundedness.

You see many people living this way, always talking about who hurt them. They seem successful on the outside but they are bitter and alone.

I was that way. I had a facade, I just wanted to show my mom I could make it on my own- to prove her wrong.

But when Jesus told me to sell everything and follow Him- He led me home. And even though I had to hear the “I told you so speech” and the many accusations of being a failure in life- it was the first time I ever got money from my mom. It was the first time I really learned how to communicate my feelings with her.

God was teaching me what it means to be a child of God. To be a child in general.

And then I could move on and minister to others who live out of an orphan spirit.

I’ve told many people on this trip to go home – many prodigal sons who are trying to make it on their own. Many sons and daughters who feel ashamed and like a failure.

But you need to go home to mend the wounds of abandonment, rejectedness.

If you don’t heal from those wounds you will live your life forever out of an orphan heart.

Most likely you will not have a healthy marriage because you are still angry at your parents so you take it out on your spouse.

It’s time to go home and face the pain. The truth is your parents are wounded too, that is why they couldn’t give you the love you needed.

But you can’t run forever.

I’m glad God caused all the doors to close. I never sold a house in real estate though I did leasing and property management. I never booked a big commercial or tv show though I did star in reality shows.

He wanted me to know my identity in Him alone, not in my career or accomplishments.

He wanted me to live in grace alone and understand what it means to be a child of God so I can set others free from feelings of failure or “not enough”.

I am more powerful than I’ve ever felt because my identity is on solid rock.

Sow a seed- Your giving makes changing lives possible as I minister to and share the gospel of grace to people in the world!



Free From Debt and Living In God’s Abundance

I’m going to share a lot of things on this blog post. I felt the Lord wanted me to help people get free from guilt and condemnation having to do with finance. It will NOT be what you expect. What I tell you will not be anything anyone has ever preached.

The time when the Lord told me to sell everything and follow Him, I was still paying credit card payments. Having been an entrepreneur, I accrued some debt. Well, I lived under torment and guilt everyday. If you recall my story of following Jesus, I had given my last $200 as an offering when he asked me “whose house are you building, yours or mine?”

I was staying at my friend’s house also helping with her spiritual life.

The Lord told me to stop making payments on my credit cards.

Now that seems contrary to what we are told. But the Lord will tell you things that make no sense at first.

A song came on that day “I’ve paid your debt”. Jesus has paid your debt.

It was the most freeing feeling I’ve ever felt. There are many people that have had common experiences but are afraid to tell their stories. Just a week before that a friend was telling me how God supernaturally waived her debt and of other financial miracles.

When I couldn’t pay my rent any longer it was a friend who said “I slept in a car with my 2 sons” that made me feel like wow, I’m not the only one.

There’s a lot of shame and condemnation having to do with finances. And perhaps that is why God is having me write this.

In all honesty, there are times I fear lack. I’m out here on international land and I have to trust God completely with finances. I am feeding God’s sheep, sharing God’s love with the world and sometimes that is scary not knowing when a donation will come in.

When I first started out, I was living at my mom’s house. When God told me to get going, to book a ticket, I didn’t know how I was going to survive. In Taiwan, my dad helped me and I thought I was going to continue being a missionary/pastor there but the Lord said “keep going, there are assignments for you”.

I went to Korea, there I basically ran out of money and had to use my credit card. Up until then living with my mom, every month my bills were paid but now I had to really trust God.

I hadn’t come out yet as a full time minister and missionary as I still felt a lot of fear of judgement. Before when I fundraised for mission trips, I was met with the religious spirit. People told me “you don’t go to my church anymore, I won’t support you”.

In South Africa I had about $20 when the Lord said “it’s time to come out”. So I put myself out there, I realized that I was worthy of my calling and that I was changing and saving lives every day. And even if judgement comes I am righteous in God’s eyes.

That night the Lord told me to pray for a lady in the bathroom and He told me to give most of what I had left. I prophesied over her that she is enough, that she lacked nothing as she is a child of God.

We were crying and hugging each other. A friend of mine asked why I would give when I was in need.

It’s breaking off the spirit of lack and the fear of lack. God’s ways make no sense to the world but it’s says “seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things shall be added unto you”.

Up until my entrepreneurial days, I was living my own dreams asking God to bless it but His kingdom was sort of secondary. I wanted to spread the gospel my way- through the success of my career.

But He had to strip me of my own capabilities, my own ability, my own independent so that I could preach GRACE alone. Grace is not something I can do on my own, grace is God doing it for me.

Some will never see the heavenly kingdom I am sowing into, but they will never reap what they haven’t sowed.

I was surprised when the first seeds started coming in. I realized that I had underestimated myself. That I was hiding and hoping that people will see my worth and worth in my purpose.

My credit card has since stopped working and I live solely off the provisions of the Lord, trusting Him as my provider and shepherd.

The truth is my calling and purpose is connected to billion of souls. What I breakthrough, others who are connected to me will breakthrough in. Whatever miracles I see in my lifetime, if they are connected to me, they will see also.

I am the only Asian woman I know who has followed Jesus in this way- selling everything to follow Him in trust.

Sure, I know some white people who’ve done it. I know Jackie pullinger. I know some missionaries in the past- but not many Asian women, if any. If you know them; please tell me.

So if you believe that Jesus writes down your name when you sow a seed, consider sowing a seed today.

I know a lot of what I write may seem contrary to what preachers preach and no one has told their story like I have- but trust me this.

God is out to free you- not condemn you.

The Lord told me “use what you have and more will be given to you”. That’s faith.

God is stretching my faith this year. There are people that needs to be reached by me, in countries that I will need to get to. I believe God will provide for His kingdom work.

Will you be a kingdom warrior sowing into the lives of people?

Sow a seed- Your giving makes changing lives possible as I minister to and share the gospel of grace to people in the world!



I believe your giving breaks off the spirit of lack and causes God to multiply what you give to Him.

Pain, Love And Desire

“don’t believe that pleasure is something we are supposed to avoid, pleasure and desire is from God” I said.

This was a conversation I was having with a buddhists. That is why many priests end up molesting kids because they are “forced” to suppress their sexual desires. Sex has always been a gift from God, but something that He gifted for a marriage relationship.

I don’t believe we are to meditate or enlighten ourselves out of our desires or pain- I believe pain teaches us perseverance. I believe desire is how the Holy Spirit leads us. Pain causes us to intercede for those we feel pain for.

I know in Buddhism it teaches that we are to think nothing and not to be attached to anything but we were made to be in relationship with God. Without love, we are nothing.

Today I saw a Korean restaurant and desired Korean food. Because of my desire I knew God had predestined a divine appointment.

This pregnant lady sat next to me. The night before I had dreamed that I was pregnant. The lady’s baby would be birthed on my birthday month- February.

We had ordered the same dish too!

Desire is how God leads us but often times because we don’t trust our hearts we don’t flow with the spirit.

You need to be spirit filled and receive Jesus to start walking this path of desire.

Desires that are accompanied with brokenness surely leads us to broken places, but through the spirit teaching us- desire is truly a gift.

Today I went back to the hostel, after talking to a man on the bus, praying for a lady at lunch, several different encounters…I felt so weary and tired.

I tried to sleep but started crying. Lord please open their hearts. Buddha can’t help them- only you can! Jesus show them your love.

I can’t imagine praying to something that never replies. God talks to me all the time. I have vivid dreams everyday.

God I pray you will send out workers, send missionaries. Don’t allow them to let their feelings of unworthiness stop them from speaking.

Yes it can be painful to love people, but it’s worth it. Lord give my heart strength. I rely on you alone.

Sow a seed, make an offering! Your giving makes changing lives possible as I minister to and share the gospel of grace to people in the world!



Reign In Power, Identity and Authority – all things new 2019 prophetic word

Don’t wallow in pain this year. Open heart. Open book. I hear the Lord say “live in power and truth” this year.

We need to know our identity- that we are sons and daughters of God and everything is under our foot.

We need to live in power- knowing the resurrected Christ lives in us!

We need to live in authority knowing that we can speak to any mountain or challenges and cause them to move!

We often focus so much on our emotions we don’t break the cycle of depression and feelings with truth.

One time I was feeling really sad about what someone said about me and I kept repeating to people what that person said about me.

One girl suddenly said “but what does God say about you?”

And I started repeating the truth. Well He loves me and approves of me. Suddenly I realized I needed to just live in the truth.

I needed to ignore my feelings because the truth set me free.

Cool. Well people say stuff about you- but is it the truth??? And if it isn’t, why do we focus on it?

This year we need to focus on what God says about us.

We need to be reading and proclaiming the word not what we see around us, not Facebook, not there news.

One time my cousin told me that I’ll never be enough if I don’t work more in the corporate world-

I felt bad. I realized yes I might not be enough before I believed in Jesus but by Christ’s sacrifice I am enough.

In the world’s eyes I might not be enough but the Lord qualified me by His grace.

I can rest in the fact that He finished the work and God is the one that will open the doors, not me.

My God provides for me, protects me, paves the way for me. He is not my crutch, He is my being. He lives in me.

This year I will live like God- in the impossibilities that people see things as.

I will walk through red seas, I will reign in the royal castle, I will part impossibilities because with my God all things are possible!!!

Stop letting the devil step all over you!!! Shout if you need to! I’m a child of God, not an orphan! My God is more able to overcome and He has already overcome my challenges on the cross!!

He finished the work on the cross! I am blessed! I am victorious! I am powerful! I am abundant! I change lives!

Sow a seed, make an offering! Your giving makes changing lives possible as I minister to and share the gospel of grace to people in the world!



Why I Was Able To Forgive My Dad

I feel more and more free to share my truth as God frees me from any shame.

Yes I didn’t see my dad for 10 years and he didn’t raise me but how was I able to forgive him for abandoning my family?

I was able to forgive him because I saw that I too was imperfect.

I don’t know the whole story but my mom told me he cheated on her. I’m not saying it was her fault but I can understand if a woman was constantly putting her husband down why he would go somewhere else for respect and comfort.

I’m coming out with something I’ve been afraid to tell the world.

I’m saving myself for marriage.

Yes I’ve had my promiscuous past but one thing I always stay firmed on was not having intercourse until I get married. I didn’t commit to this out of guilt or pressure, it’s just something I wanted for myself.

One summer I was dating a guy and I went to Taiwan. I ended up kissing another guy. The guilt tormented me. I felt so ashamed and guilty because I had committed the worse crime.

In my mind it was cheating- which my dad was guilty of.

After many days of feeling guilt I decided to write my dad a letter. I told him that God showed me he was simply human but a son of God and that God has already forgiven him and so have I.

It took me committing the same crime for me to see that my dad was simply human.

And there are reasons why someone makes mistakes.

For me, I was dating a non Christian back home that didn’t understand anything about my faith journey. So when I met someone who did understand, I felt like I had a connection with this guy.

And through this I learned to forgive my dad and myself.

So now that I came out, you may have a lot of questions.

No it’s not hard to wait. Because it’s a commitment I’ve made to myself and God and I know the spiritual and emotional wounding that comes from even any other physical contact.

No I’m not better than anyone else because of it. But I believe our bodies are not just physical, but emotional and spiritual.

The only reason I am able to forgive others is not because I am perfect but because I am imperfect saved by the grace of a loving God.