Open Your Heart Again

Sometimes you just need to tell God how you feel.

God I’m disappointed.

I don’t understand. Why me. I’m hurt. I’m tired of being hurt by others. I’m tired of being attacked. I’m tired of being the victim and not the victor.

I feel dead inside like I’m not here, like I’m not present.

God help me to forgive and overcome. Help me to breakthrough in my heart. I don’t want to stay here, in brokenness. I want to be healed.

I’m tired of these negative patterns in my life. I’m tired of attracting people who don’t love me for who I am. I’m tired of being persecuted and rejected. I’m tired of fighting.

I just want peace. I want to stop and feel you.

God says-

I am here. I am with you.

I’ve never left you. I’m here. I will never leave nor forsake you. I know you’ve been hurt, I know you carried the pain of yesterday but now let’s move on together.

Are you willing to move on?

Are you willing to let go?

I know you were feeling numb within, dead inside but are you willing to feel the pain?

Are you willing to let me in?


I couldn’t take it anymore. I’m even scared to eat now lest you make me return the food again, lest I eat another dish I hate. To face the fear of judgment and rejection.

I couldn’t take it anymore. Lest God you make me open my heart again and have friends backstab me again.

I can’t take it anymore. Meeting men and then be disappointed again. Oh he’s not it, just passing by.

Nothing in life is for sure.

But it’s our choice to open our hearts and to be vulnerable. Because it’s not about the success rate but if we are willing to open our hearts again.

Are you afraid to be disappointed?

Try again and let the hurt go, day by day.


God- for I will heal your wounds.

God but I hate you right now.

I’ve driven aimlessly trying to find my heart and my desires and it’s not for church, or the beach.

I’m trying to find my heart.

Is it in Mexico, is it in New York or in La?

Is it in a friend or a guy?

No it’s in you Jesus.

But I’m struggling to open my heart to you again. I know it’s not your fault God but can I really trust you.

Why use me to play the bad guy? To tell someone something they don’t want to hear?

I’m just the messenger.

God – you are mine and you will always be.


Finances are needed for me to continue sharing the Love of Jesus in the world. Thank you for your contribution. May the Lord bless you abundantly!


I Deserve To Be Happy

You deserve to be happy and you do not need to sacrifice yourself to be deemed worthy.

You are valuable just as you are.

Growing up I felt like my worth was based on how much I was helping others.

So I often sacrificed my time, energy, everything to listen and help others, often neglecting my own dreams, desires and wants.

I started to see that it was important to take care of my own needs and desires.

If you google over helping, it’s actually a real addiction. Sometimes when you are stressed you look to help others as a way to overcome your own stress, it’s projecting.

There needs to be a balance.

Here are some questions-

1. Are others supporting you the way you’re supporting them? If not, ask.

2. Are you treating yourself the way you need to be treated?

In what I do I often find that I am faced with fears and unknowns, in those moments I feel like I am neglecting myself and I’m not sure if I can trust God.

I give a lot of love, and my gifts, talents especially prophetic giftings to others, teaching them as well.

So I need to ask God and people for donations in return. And I need to ask for the emotional help I’m in need of myself.

And I need to make sure I’m not running myself dry trying to help others.

I need to learn to set boundaries.

What does boundaries look like for you?

Sometimes the people God sends me to are carriers of small gifts, like a ride to my accommodation, a hug, company. They touch me through their friendship and love.

Be aware of those that continually drain you.

When my mom was in town I often felt drained by her so God would tell me to leave the house.

This girl grew up jehovah witness and catholic. She said she had cut her vacation short to be with her son and God had us meet by divine appointment.

Some divine appointments in Mexico

Would you consider making a donation today?

1. To bring people to Jesus

2. To enable and empower people to live out their destiny so more harvest grow on this earth!

3. To see the fulfillment of my destiny on this earth which is to help billions of people through my prophetic gifts, teaching and calling in the form of podcast, personal prophetic words, testimonials, books and other media.

Ways to support-
1. You can give financially-
Cash app- gugibabu

Thank you so much for your support! Any amount helps and is a seed to bring people to freedom!

Mexico Tomorrow


Hey folks,
I just booked a flight to Mexico City tomorrow and will be ministering there. Yes, my stomach is a bit nervous but I know God will lead me.

Ways to support-
1. You can give financially-
Cash app- gugibabu

2. Pray for souls, harvest, the dvine appointments and lost sheep, pray for good soil.

3. Pray for good sleep and that God will protect me from evil and spiritual warfare. I cannot explain how much I have to go through when I minister in places where I follow the spirit.

4. Pray for protection against witchcraft and witches. It’s a real thing. I’ve ministered to Mexicans who have ties with witchcraft, it is a cultural thing in Mexico. Usually I lead them through prayer to cut off any generational ties. 

Thank you for your support and prayers!


Suffering to Glory

Do you know how it feels to be misunderstood, judged and rejected by the people who are supposed to love and support you?

To be talked about by your family and friends? To be called crazy when you can hardly pay rent but then know you’re supposed to be great, have your relatives talk shit about you because you claim you be Asian Oprah, but your circumstances don’t reflect that.

I lived the classic Joseph tale.

Do you know how it feels to be a burden to your family rather than a gift? And so the only way is to never go home?

Jesus told me to sell everything and follow Him. This led me to get rid of my car, apartment, possessions, even give my money away.

I gave it all away to follow Jesus. The things that mattered to me back then. I broke up with my ex, I blocked people, I cut people off.

I cried everyday. Every week I was putting things on the altar. My dreams to be famous, to be in Hollywood.

I felt everything was taken away from me. I had no laptop, my phone was broken, I was broke. I had given everything away.

My family didn’t respect me. They thought I was crazy.

God led me to go to 14-20 countries by faith. I maxed out a credit card to follow Jesus. I hadn’t fundraised back then.

I knew what would come if I told people what I was doing, by spirit led. Being sold out for Jesus.

Conservatives asked me what church I was with, I said I follow God’s voice.

Atheists called me religious.

Some people yelled at me, called me a false prophet.

Everything you can think of I encountered.

I started praying and prophesying over people. Sharing the love of Jesus with people.

I slept in 12 bed dorms.

I couldn’t sleep some nights.

Some nights I was woken up by spiritual oppression, some nights there were club music downstairs until 4am, some nights people were coming to Jesus in their bunk beds.

I didn’t call my mom for a few months as she just persecuted me.

She yelled at me and told me I was wasting my life. She said I was irresponsible. She said I was crazy.

My heart was broken.

How can people treat me like this when I’m giving my life to set people free?

When you’re ministering to thousands of people, people on buses, roads in South Africa and people are persecuting you back home and even on the road?

I remember walking a lot. My feet have walked the alleys of Thailand, the mountains of Bali, the streets of Perth, the hoarders backpacker central.

I’ve prayed for Europeans. Indonesians, kiwis, Africans, Thai, Malaysians, singaporeans, etc.

What is the message?

I never felt like I was enough but the blood of Jesus made me whole so I am enough because of Jesus sacrifice.

I was crushed and beaten so that the anointing could rest on me.

God would lead me without me knowing how I was going to eat, where I was supposed to sleep and He would lead me to the lost sheep.

Because that was the goal- to gather lost sheep.

Lost sheep were people who didn’t know Jesus and His love yet or were heavily wounded by the church.

I tended their wounds but unfortunately sheep bite back too.

Being a shepherd is not easy.

How could I relate to anyone after that? When you need just $20 more bucks to get on a flight and suddenly God tells you who to ask and then you’re running to the airport because there’s a girl you’re supposed to meet on the plane?

Or when you pray over someone who grew up without a father you tell them they are enough and not lacking?

Or God leads you to someone who tells you they were abused and you deliver them and heal them from feelings of worthlessness.

From suffering to glory.

Make a contribution to this ministry and help set people free from fear and condemnation- thank you!

An Audience At Sony Studio

I said God I need an audience.

I thought He would have a pastor ask me to speak at his or her church but instead he sent me to a film studio.

I had a dream the other day that I was going to play cello in front of 1,200 people instead of 100.

Wow. So today I felt led to go to the Korean spa and to cancel my dental appointment in the afternoon as I was healing and processing some stuff in my heart. I was laying there and God said go get a massage. I went downstairs and suddenly heard someone say “omg I just got booked for a Netflix show”. My heart got all excited and suddenly all the anger I was feeling went away.

I was going to get a massage when I heard God say ask for a refund. I canceled the appointment and noticed they were casting for audience. God said, do it. Go, go, go.

So I started going to Culver City without knowing for sure if I was booked.

But God just kept saying “go” even though there were some doubts but I ran. I took a shower and got dressed. He said there’s no time.

I got an email halfway there saying I was booked.

There are divine appointments today. Please pray over their hearts today. Pray for Jesus to pave a way. There is some lost sheep 🐑 He wants me to reach.

There was also another voice that kept telling me to go home. So the devil comes to sidetrack you.

(I wrote this before the following happened).

While waiting for the bathroom I met a chinese girl and we ended up sitting together. It turned out she was also Christian. God had told me someone would give me a ride home. She gave me a ride half way. The girl next to me was also Christian and her name was Happy. I shared my Holy Spirit journey with her while she drove me to downtown.

Then the audience host asked people to dance in front while the actors was preparing for their next scene.

I found myself telling my story. Half of it anyway.

But in front of 200 plus people plus all the crew and actors behind me, I said Jesus loves you. Speaking right into the mic.

So many things about today was God.

Like the main characters name was Rebecca (of the sitcom I was sitting in the audience of). The content of the show was God speaking to me directly. It’s like God inspired the writers to write something to speak to me through the script.

And then I had no fear to go up and dance in front of 200 people when the host asked. I remembered before I went overseas to 20 countries backpacking alone, I used to fear being on stage or in front of people but after battling cold, fear of death, fear of not having food or having shelter, heat, sickness, not having much money, asking strangers for help, overcoming the fear of men and fear of judgment (while usually being alone).

When you’re in a foreign country, it’s night time and God tells you you’re going to stay with someone but you don’t know who???

Or when you barely have enough for tomorrow’s meal and you don’t know where the money will come from to sleep at a hostel???

Or God tells you to ask strangers for money or to buy you a meal? And they are people you’re supposed to prophesy over?

Or you have to pray for strangers who then yell at you?

Or you have to pray for someone who has a panic attack in Ross?

You kind of lose every fear.

I went on stage and felt no fear.

It was like I was a different person.

I remember still feeling fear the first time I went on a show, but not this time.

I evenly openly talked about Jesus in front of the people and the crew/actors.

The audience host himself was Jewish.

It was a crazy day. I could feel such a difference in me after all the things I went through, the hardships, the warfare, the challenges.

The host asked me what I wanted to be. I said I would be famous and help a lot of people. He said doing what. I said I’d teach people how to live without fear. I said that Jesus loves you.

Then he did this dating show thing for me, honestly I knew it was God. 3 contestants came and got interviewed by him. They were so funny. One guy said he would take me out to sushi. Another said would take me out to in and out. One guy said he would take me between tj and la.

One guy said he’d take me all over the world. That he would take me by the beach and we’d own a beach house. Like wow Jesus you read my mind.

Make a contribution to this ministry and help set people free from fear and condemnation- thank you!

Let Love In

God told me to try on rings yesterday

There was a wilderness season in my life I was constantly tired. My heart was tired of betrayal and hurt.

And in a season God has been opening my heart I see kindness sometimes as an act of suffocation. Because at what point are you going to betray me?

When are you going to start yelling at me?

I’d rather be alone my heart would say.

Kindness seems like a burden and a guilt trip. For when you want to bring it up again.

Because kindness was not freely given to me, it was earned. So I don’t want it. Because when will you use it against me?

This morning I felt anxious in my heart and my mom was asking me things when I wanted to have uninterrupted sleep.

I wanted to be alone as I had a full day of ministering. I had listened to stories that were sad and twisted and I had to prophesy to dead bones.

Yesterday God told me to go to the abbey and He led me to eat around the corner and was led to lost sheep. He told me to sit at the bar.

I listened to stories of betrayal and disappointment and I felt pain in my heart.

Perhaps those were emotions I felt myself.

I told him it wasn’t his fault what happened.

You know how you get to a point in your life and you look around but don’t see what you dreamed of.

Instead you’re living in a studio with your mother and you feel claustrophobic?

And the promises of God has been too long delayed and you feel like God has forgotten you?

Well I told Him God hasn’t forgotten you.

I felt like I was talking to myself.

I had poured out my life as an offering and felt like I was beaten up and left for dead at the side of the road.

And what causes me to keep going?

I don’t know- stupid faith. Really stupid faith.

Just this unshakeable knowing that God is for me.

But it’s still hard at times and that fear creeps in. Or you meet someone (me) a couple days ago who asks you to be his girlfriend and you tell him no because you don’t want to be with someone who gambles and smokes weed.

And then he calls you back and he is asking for a favor. He is asking for money because he spent it gambling. And you give him $20 for gas because you feel bad for him (cuz he made it sound like everyone left him and he has no one else) and then you realize oh my god.

He was just using me. Am I enabling him? He’s an addict he needs help. I don’t even know him that well.

And then you forgive because you know grace is sufficient.

But then you feel used.

True story.

People. Issues. Agendas.

And then I got mad at myself because why did I even hang out with him? He was someone God led me to to minister to and perhaps to heal my heart but then he became attracted to me and vice versa. But I knew he wasn’t it. I deserved better. Even though he was actually Christian.

And then you’re disappointed because you’re tired of allowing men into your life that has no capacity and no ability to love you.

And then you’re tired, you’re tired of loving.

I have a bag of wedding magazines and a notebook. God told me to start planning. Can my heart actually hope after one disappointments after another?

What I’ve found to be the key is to feed your heart. Do what makes you happy even if it’s a small thing. Hey look heart, you can feel joy. Watch a movie that makes you laugh. Don’t give up heart.

I understand why my ex would disappear for 3 days without notice. He said he needed space. He wasn’t able to feel too much love, he wasn’t able to let love in. Because if he did it meant he would possibly get hurt.

And eventually he did.

He sobbed when I broke up with him. But he never experienced it fully, he was cold. He kept me at arm’s length. 

But you don’t have to throw yourself into love that is not deserving of your presence.

You deserve better. Don’t settle.

Make a contribution to this ministry and help set people free from fear and condemnation- thank you!

Jesus Loves Them Too and Praying For Man With Panic Attack

“So what do you do?”- he asked.

“I’m a pastor, prophet”

“Wait, what? And you’re okay with this?”

We are standing in front of a photo red carpet area and someone has a jacket with Jesus on his back. It says “altar boy”, but not what you think. The poster says lead you to temptation and has photos of men in pieces of leather around their butts.

I say, “yes. God loves you and everyone”.

He says “wait, can you prophesy over me?” He’s getting excited. I say “yes of course”. I say “I see you playing piano and teaching”. “I’m a painter! And I’m a teacher”. He’s not just a painter, he’s incredible. He’s talented. He’s an oil painter and he did a show in New York. He is a half filipino and Pakistani and his parents are catholic and one is muslim.

I wake up and realize “well how much I underestimate and undervalue myself. I too am amazing, brave, talented, bold, much more than what I describe to others because I’ve been undervalued by others who didn’t see my true worth”.

Everytime God tells me to go to The Abbey, it’s a struggle because I don’t have much energy. But in the back of my mind I hear God say DON’T GIVE UP.

I have to usually rent a car per hour and drive 30 minutes across LA. Sometimes it is 10 pm and I’m tired, bur there is almost always divine appointments. I can’t say ministry is easier in LA because it’s always an act of faith and obedience.

The night before the Lord led me to Ross and I was weirded out that I was in Ross for such a long time but a dress drew me back in. Behind me I noticed a man shaking and I went straight to him to pray for him.

I started casting out the spirit of fear and affirming God’s love over him.

People were watching, one man said YES JESUS. He came over to lay hands on him.

Later on they called the ambulance…I was a bit shocked by what happened but asked the christian man for a ride home.

He said he used to go to a house church but now attends another church. We talked and prayed for an hour.

I didn’t expect to be casting out demons in the middle of Ross. I got a bit angry at God because that night satan came to try to lie to me. I felt that maybe I didn’t do enough to hep the man but God said, “no you acted in faith, and that is enough”.

Give and partner with me to bring lost sheep home-