Humility through asking for help

The story continues. I found myself at the top of a hill asking a receptionist if I could get a dorm bed. My card was declined because it had a few cents on it.

I think we often define ourselves by how much we can do for ourselves and here I was, totally dependent on the Lord.

God told me “go to Macdonald’s”.

There I sat next to a couple and asked to pray for them so I did.

At this point I’m petrified. I don’t know where I’m staying and I’m thinking I just have to ask for help.

I then tell them my story and ask for help.

The husband was very serious and refused to help. The wife kept looking at him for permission “how much should I give her?”

Remember I grew up working since I was 8 years old, selling toys after school, so asking for help has never been my strong suit. In fact, the first time I ever asked my mom for help was in my late twenties and I was deeply ashamed for needing help.

She went to her car to get some change and gave it to me. While waiting for her, her husband turned to me and said “do you always ask people for money?”

I explained that I was a missionary and that I worked all my life but learned true humility when I started to rely on God on this journey. I asked if he had any faith and he said he was later day saints.

But I didn’t sense any warmth or love. All I sensed was complete judgement.

In that moment, I felt depressed. Well, when the wife came back I was crying and she said “just wait, I’ll bring a $20” but 30 minutes later she hadn’t come. I’m sure the husband converted any thoughts of her helping me.

An old man sat next to me. God said, pray for him. So I did, however…he said no I don’t need prayer. Later God said “ask for help” so I did. I said “sir, I’m in a bit of a pickle and I need help”. He said “how did you get here? Is this faith brinking on foolishness!! I don’t care what faith you have but you got to have some sort of plan”.

Well he didn’t have any faith, and trying to explain that the Holy Spirit led me here was useless.

He tried to call the multi racial association to get help but no reply. He said “well sit here and maybe the lady will show up as I’ve told her you are here”.

How much was it that you need for the hostel? I said $25 more.

He left. No help from him.

A group of high schoolers sat to my right. I then explained my story and situation and they said they had no money. So I asked to pray for them and I saw one girl writing chapters. Her friend said “she’s drawing comics right now!”

I shared my testimony with them. It was about 5 high schoolers. I noticed that I’ve often been sharing my testimony to high schoolers- sometimes at Burger King, sometimes at boba shops. It’s how the spirit leads.

They were way more open than the elders I met.

Then I walked forward and leaned on a taxi cab. Sir my name is Rebekka, I shared my story. He gave me $2 and consented to prayer.

He was not religious at all, but grateful and told me to go into the taxi office.

I walked into the taxi office looking for Sarah. I explained my story and she said no sorry I can’t help but wait, there might be a hostel that needs help.

Side note- as a prophet, missionary, I did not expect to be working non-spiritual jobs. Though God has told me to start my coaching again, I did not consider scrubbing toilets as an option even.

Well the hostel needed help desperately. They needed a housekeeper in exchange for room and board.


I was like hell no. But this was the only option.

God I’ll submit. Even though I hate the idea.

When I got there it was like “okay here’s your dorm bed. You’ll start work tomorrow”.

Side note- I’m not even on a working visa and woofer is considered a job even though it is just trade for boarding.

Straight away I introduced myself to a couple and shared my story with them. They were really interested and I prayed for the man.

God was leading me here but I never would’ve thought this was what I would end up doing for a week. This is the open door he had for me. Honestly I felt humiliated. Perhaps there has been a bit of pride in my heart, that I would only pray and prophesy over people, but not work in exchange for board.

That I would only share my testimony but the thought of scrubbing toilets is beneath me.

I cried a lot today. I cried in front of strangers, yet in that vulnerability God showed me that somehow I opened peoples hearts to love.

I know it sounds crazy but our humanity can be so cold. Our need to have it together, our need to be put together.

The husband and wife I met today….the wife had a soft heart but the husband, was like a stout man. He was in a place to help but he had a judgmental spirit. He was filled with religious duty….he had this mentality that whatever you have, you need to earn.

And the truth is, grace is not earned.

Grace is received. That is why grace is such an unpopular concept to Pharisees. Pharisees do their part, they are model citizens (like I was before God broke me). I had perfect credit, I always paid my bills on time, but I had no mercy or love for people.

I often yelled at my brother that year he was just playing video games. I was paying rent to my mom. I was the model citizen.

I had a car and I was paying gas. I had my life together.

But see, God had to pull everything away from me to show me what grace is.

I have so much more compassion now. I don’t simply think that people are on the streets because they did something wrong, I understand their story and can love them as Jesus did.

Sure I’m not perfect but God has shown me why it’s harder for a rich man to enter heaven than a camel through an eye of a needle.

It’s because sometimes our love for money outweighs our love for people.

I’ve been there though.

And today I was on the other side.

I’ve learned to let go of judgements. Realizing I still have so much prejudice without even knowing it. Today I felt belittled by peoples’ judgements but I remember that I am living in obedience to God and not to men. That I am a child of God and not an orphan. That the very act of asking for help is more for them to open their hearts than for me to receive the help I need.

G- keep doing what you’re doing. You are breaking off the callous in peoples’ hearts. You are opening their hearts. When they saw you cry they saw their own humanity, their own vulnerability. People are icy cold, their hearts have become numb. Your vulnerability breaks open years of self preservation.



Fearless Coaching

God said “it’s time to relaunch your coaching business”.

Are you in need of inner healing? Do you feel stuck? Do you feel like there is cloud over your head. 
Get set free. 

I will help you maneuver through the confusions of life and give you spiritual and emotional insight into what is actually happening.

+overcome fear
+move through debilitating transitions 
+make changes in your life 
+overcome romantic traumas and move forward into healthy relationships 
+get freed from living for others’ approval

+ have feelings of shame? Insecurities that prevent you from going for what you want?

God wants you to live in freedom!!! The good news is I have been through all kinds of oppression and have overcome what I’ve talked about. Regret, fear, shame, guilt? Been there. Failed relationships and friendships? Been there. Divorced parents? Been there.

Never ending feeling of I’m not enough? Been there?

God has stabilized my identity in Him so much that I’ve gotten to the point in life that I know I am enough no matter the circumstances.

I’ve arrived. Not in my circumstances, but in my identity.

I want you to have the same confidence. I want you to live without fear.

I am a Los Angeles based coach who is currently in New Zealand (or some other country). Coaching sessions are conducted via video calls.

All sessions are completed via Skype, FaceTime or fb messenger video! $89 usd for an hour intro coaching session. Get unstuck!

Submit your payment to and send me an email at with the answer to “why you would like to get coaching”.

A letter to the wounded

This is the painting I described yesterday.

Whenever I meet someone who has been wounded by Christians or the church, my heart breaks. I feel their pain. I understand how it feels to be betrayed by people you thought you could look up to, trust. I’ve met many people on this trip who grew up Christian but walked away.

I find myself listening to worship music and going to Jesus, I know how it feels to be totally isolated in a deep pain, a pain no one seems to understand.

You’re not alone.

I hear the Lord say to you

“You’re not alone. I never ever left you, I was always with you. Even though you doubt me, you turn your back to me, even in the pain, I’m with you. I see you. I never left you.

I feel and understand your pain. Though others have forsaken and abused you, I’ve never left you. I’m always with you still. Even if you curse me and say you are an atheist.

I’m not interested in being right. I’m only interested in loving you.

When I went to the cross, every beating I took for you, I thought to myself you are worth it.

I took the pain for you.

Will you lay down your pain now? Will you stop hurting yourself, punishing yourself?

It wasn’t your fault you went through what you did.

You live in an imperfect world but my grace is sufficient for you.

In your weakness my strength is made perfect. So lean on me. Lean into my strength. You are perfect in my eyes. Lean into me. Cast your cares on me for I am lowly and humble in heart”.

I will never leave nor forsake you says the Lord. You don’t have to go it alone. You are not alone.

I pray today that if you have been seeking a God who loves you -that you would open your heart to Him.

His name is Jesus.

Pray this out loud- Dear God thank you for dying on the cross for my sins. From today on I’m without blemish and I’m whole. In your eyes you only see Jesus. I’m saved by grace and today I’m a child of God, no longer an orphan. I’m righteous in Christ Jesus. My life will never be the same and I open my heart to knowing you Jesus. I’ll walk with you forever. In Jesus name amen!


Living Out of Desire

A painting I made in Melbourne

This morning I had a realization.

Yesterday I saw an artwork in a gallery with a woman crying and her cheeks were wounded.

On both sides there were verses from the Bible and one from the Koran.

The one from the Koran said a light beating was permitted to put your woman in line. Another was about woman submitting to their husbands.

Then yesterday I talked to a German guy who told me there’s a lot of the Bible he doesn’t agree with.

I explained that Jesus came to fulfill every law, not to bind us.

There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.” Romans 8:1

“For it is God who is producing in you both the desire and the ability to do what pleases him.” Philippians 2:13

So if anyone tells you should or shouldn’t do something, they are using the law against you.

Grace is the only thing that should compel you.

When I asked God about the verse regarding submission, the Lord said “I’ve fulfilled every law”.

Here are examples of people using the law against you- it says the devil is the accuser….remember Jesus already paid the price for your imperfections.

1. Lie- God is not blessing you because you don’t tithe- it doesn’t say you are saved by grace and tithing, you are blessed no matter what. Tithing is only an act of worship and thanks. There are times on the road I really don’t have time to sit down and tithe but I hear God say “it’s okay, you’ve done enough”.

I may not tithe all the time but when the Lord leads me I may give all or a large portion of what someone sows into my ministry to someone I meet and who is in need.

This action is also compelled by the grace of God, not because I feel that God won’t bless me if I don’t do it. I do it because I trust that His grace is sufficient for me.

In the past I was very paranoid that God stopped blessing me because I didn’t do something – but I realized that’s the devil condemning me.

His sacrifice on the cross is finished, complete.

In fact, the more you understand grace, the more you will give because you start to experience the grace of God in your life. And you are no longer bound by the curse (ex karma).

Same goes with going to church. For many years I didn’t go to church and I sometimes felt guilty about it but during that time the Lord said “just rest, no need to go”.

Even now on the road I only go to church if I feel led. I meet plenty of Christians on the road and we pray for each other. But I don’t feel obligated to go to be a Christian.

I’m not saved by church attendance. I’m saved by the finished work of the cross and if the Lord leads me to go I go- but often it usually for the people that God wants to connect me to, or perhaps there’s someone He wants me to prophesy over, or perhaps someone will bless me with who they are- but very rarely is it just for the message itself.

The church is a organism, not organization. It’s supposed to be flowing, moving, supporting each other as a community, not as a stagnant organization.

2. Wives, you should do this or that.

At any time someone tells you what to do, they’ve chained you with the law. What is the law? Working for the blessings.

“But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law.” Galatians 5:22-23

A fruit is an external manifestation of a seed God planted in you. So it’s not something you made happen, it’s what God did in you. It’s supernatural.

So if there is a loving marriage, God made it happen. If someone chose to love, God made it happen.

God is the one who produced in me the desire and ability to do what I do- but it’s because of the understanding that He already finished all the work on the cross that set me free to follow Him.

If we think that God will only bless us if we obey Him then we don’t understand grace.

It’s His overwhelming love for us that compels our hearts to give up everything to follow Him.

Imagine a kid who does something in obedience to her strict father. She is paranoid and scared that he will punish her if she doesn’t obey him.

She doesn’t understand his love for her. She continues to obey out of fear. But she doesn’t feel loved.

I feel like that at times, but then I realize it’s the enemy trying to make God seem like a tyrant.

Now imagine a kid who is sure of her father’s love for her. She forgives, loves, gives and open her heart to receive because she knows her father loves her, not because she is fearful that her father will retaliate if she doesn’t obey.

The last couple of days have been really intense for me. The money was not transferring or coming in and I felt like I was being torn. I also felt the leading of the spirit to just go and flow with Him not knowing where I was going to stay.

I literally walked where he was leading me. With all my bags. The next day I booked a bus, then the next day I booked another bus somewhere else. It was one after another. Money was really tight. I found free food in the kitchen. Like it was for real. I had to ask people for help. And the people I prayed for actually gave.

My heart was like ahhhhhhh, I’m scared.

I’m scared that God won’t take care of me. But I came through. And I understood it was all learning to trust His heart for me. I also understood that He led me to the places and people that I needed to minister to. It showed me that I was worthy of the help too, that what I was doing was touching peoples’ hearts and they were willing to reciprocate. Which I found so rare in previous times.

I am making you more like Jesus says the Lord. Though it feels difficult, you are being set free from everything that is holding you back.

Yesterday I wept and wept as I prayed to God. I haven’t cried that much all this trip. I felt like my heart was coming out of my chest. I was crying for the lost sheep I met.

1 John 4:18
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.

God wants to break every fear off of you. And sometimes He’ll do that in a tight place, in a place where you feel like you can’t go on anymore. In that place you learn His perfect love is actually enough for you.

This morning the Lord said “look in your bank, the money should have transferred”.

Sure enough it did. God needed me to know that even if I didn’t have money, He would provide for me. That if I asked someone for $5 they would give $20, that if I asked for a ride, they would give me a ride. That if I didn’t have food, there would be food for me in the kitchen.


Broken Hearted

I felt so burdened and drained today. I thought it was because I was stressed about having 11 nzd for tomorrow or maybe I was worried about where I would sleep tomorrow.

But when I started listening to worship music I started weeping. I closed my eyes and heard the pain of the wounded man on the bus today. I closed my eyes and saw the reaction of those who heard I’m a missionary, those skeptics of God, those wounded by the church or Christians.

I couldn’t stop weeping and praying.

When will the church stop debating theology and actually love those Jesus calls us to love??

When will we allow our hearts to be truly broken??

Today the man on the bus asked me what God was telling me.

I said “He told me to listen to you”.

“Well I’m not sure if you want to listen to an atheistic”.

God told me that this man just needed to be listened to, so as I listened I felt my heart breaking. I felt his pain and it climaxed at night. I started praying in the garden, I felt like Jesus in the last hour. I wasn’t bleeding but I was actually on my period so I was bleeding in some way Lol.

Will you pray with me?? For every soul I talk to?

Here’s a short 3 minute prayer video-

Thank you to all those who have sown into the lives and souls of hundreds and thousands people on the road.

God continues to break my heart for the lost and the wounded.

Today I didn’t know where I was going but I kept hearing God say- go to Nelson. I met a Christian woman on the bus and then ended up sitting next to a man who had been badly hurt by other Christians. I said- this is why God sent me on this bus.

I told him that God was not about right or wrong, but He is about love.

When will the church stop judging and start loving as Jesus did? When will we stop with the legalism and law and understand grace is complete and not lacking?

You can’t love with your head. You must allow your heart to love, be broken. Theological debates are useless. People believe with their hearts, not head.


No one told me 30s is actually the beginning of the best time of your life

In my twenties I was still caught up with trying to please others. I didn’t know it, but I wanted my mom’s approval. I wanted her to be proud of me. I wanted her to be able to boast about me.

But 9 months into my full time job at the age of 23 I knew my life wouldn’t be like any other.

I guess age doesn’t really matter.

It’s more about knowing who you are in Christ Jesus. I’m glad I started to learn this early in life.

I feel more content, more happy than I’ve ever felt in my life. Sure, the devil still comes to discourage me and tell me “look at you, you’re struggling to pay for a hostel and your friends are married and have a house”.

I actually battled these thoughts last week.

As a shepherd to the lost sheep, a prophet being sent by God, I don’t always have much materially. In those times I start envying those that are at home. I imagine them sitting in front of their tv, munching on snacks.

But I know it’s the devil trying to get me to stop reaching souls.

Then there are times like this, sitting on a bus I booked this morning (a donation just came in) and I didn’t know where I was going until I asked a girl where she was going and she replied picton.

“That’s where you need to go”.

Yesterday without knowing where I was going to stay at night the Lord told me to go into the city.

I knocked on someone’s window and asked for a ride. I prayed for him.

Later, I’m standing on the street and I see Wendy’s. I decide to go in and I start to talk to a young man from Minnesota. I prayed for him and told him testimonies after testimonies.

It turned out he grew up Lutheran but never thought of God in a personal way.

He told me he had stayed at yha hostel and I felt I was supposed to go there. There, I met a writer. I got to pray for her. She told me she left the church 3 years ago. I said, someone hurt you didn’t they?

She said she lost two babies in a miscarriage and then her husband left her. She was writing a book on intercultural relationships and another on happiness.

She encouraged me to write my book.

I told her how I had a dream that I had a pencil in my stomach and someone pulled it out. Maybe it was her who was supposed to pull it out.

On March 9 I had a dream I was pregnant with two babies and the babies were due October 11. I felt this was significant for me but maybe many others out there.

Don’t be afraid to step out and do what God has put in your heart to do.

It’s time to birth what God has given you to birth.

The difference between me in my twenties and thirties is that I’m not afraid of what people think about me anymore.

I don’t need to prove myself.

Sure there are times I get insecure or I have fears but I rebuke them. They’re lies from the devil – they’re not part of me.

I am righteous in Christ Jesus. I am enough in Him. I am not lacking.

I endured living with my mother for two years while she accused me about not having a stable job. At that time the Lord told me not to work and to rest. He was training me and preparing me for this work that I now do. It was not easy and I often felt bad about myself but God would say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.

He was preparing me for the numerous accusations that the enemy would try to bring against me on the road- some from himself, some from non Christians, some from religious spirited Christians, you name it.

I needed to hear God clearly and obey His path no matter what others said.

I’m walking true North, with Jesus. His path is true north. No matter what others say, listen to Him. He will never leave nor forsake you.

When you know who you are in Christ Jesus you won’t be moved by what you think you need to be more, you are enough.

You won’t be moved when someone says “why aren’t you married yet, you’re too picky”.

You won’t be moved when others say “you should or shouldn’t do this”.

You won’t be moved when you see others living their true north.

You’ll be stable, only listening to the One who created you, knowing you are a child of God!


With love, Rebekka

Writing on the bus in New Zealand

The Season of Intimacy

This is a prophetic word.

I woke up from a dream where I was telling someone that my mom gives to my brother whatever he wants but nothing for me. I come home and throw all the piano books to the ground. My mom says what is wrong? I tell her and say “I’m starving!”

I run out and find the guy I liked (this is in the same neighborhood and the same guy from my dream yesterday) and tell him what happened.

Later I’m at a table and my mom shows me a picture of her with a guy. I can tell she has compromised herself, she has lowered her standards to be with him.

In the dream I start crying because I feel for her but for every woman who has given up who she is to be with someone.

I suddenly don’t feel mad at her.

When I woke up I heard God say “most people are not living at the level of intimacy that I desire for them”.

There is a level of intimacy God longs for us and He is currently doing a deep healing and work in our hearts. He said that most people do not say what’s really are their minds and they hold back because of fear.

Yesterday there was noise next door and I told the receptionist. When I came back my roommates said “that’s what you were doing? Why didn’t you just tell them directly?” I said because I’ve been through this enough to know most people get really mad and offended and I don’t need to deal with it, which is true in this case.

She said “well I can deal with any noise”. Well I can’t. And I have to confront these issues head on. I have to speak up for my sake, and I shouldn’t be made to feel guilty for it.

How many times do we drown out how we really feel by ignoring it? We don’t tell others how we really feel because we fear rejection or we fear drama?

We silence ourselves or isolate ourselves instead of facing the rejection that we may face for being authentic.

In that moment of standing up for what I wanted, I realized I was different from the girls. And that when we live our truths we need to face being outcasted by others.

What is something you’ve been wanting to say to someone but have been fearing their reactions? God wants us to live in truth and by being vulnerable we will grow in our relationships.

What is something you’ve been holding back from God?

Anger? Bitterness? God can take it all. He will listen. He’s not just there when you’re happy but when you’re at your worse. We often present the best version of ourselves to others but true intimacy is about showing the most vulnerable part of yourself at all times.

Give- Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world.