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I’m not going to lie but last year was one of the hardest years for me. I encountered a lot of harassment and had to call the police a lot but I believe before breakthrough the enemy always loves to attack.
I prophesy BREAKTHROUGHS, Prosperity and MORE LOVE this year!
Thank you and much gratitude to everyone who has been watching my YouTube or reading my blog, even though I took a hiatus from blogging for awhile. Sorry about that. I guess I was focused on my inner life more and healing from a lot of wounding, I talk to a therapist once a week and it’s really been helping.
I PROPHESY a breakthrough year. LET LOVE IN. LET LOVE IN. Do not use your logical mind to make up fortresses and boundaries, let love in, for love has no logic and it stems from the heart. Allow your heart to feel and do not allow logic to put up a wall to defend what needs to come out.
A bit of what I’ve been going through- I realized recently that even in acting, I need to be myself and no one else. I don’t need to fit in, I don’t need to do anything that doesn’t feel right. I just need to be 100% myself even if that means going off the beaten path and choosing what feels true to me.
WHAT feels true to you? Don’t conform or compromise who YOU ARE. YOU are unique and like no one else! Love you.
I had a dream I was getting rid of a lot of stuff and I was trying to sell these shoes but they were Japanese shoes and were like $8 and not worth much. I was looking for clothes to wear to go dancing. I slid down a cutting board and landed near a guitar.
When I woke up I heard “let go of things and don’t be afraid of love”. In the dream there was a private room and this girl was taking over the room so I had no place to put my jewelry. It was full of napkins and stuff and I looked for a spot but it was all wet and I was mad about it.
However I realized I wouldn’t want to be in that room anyway. Then there was a yard sale and this lower landing area was being cleared up.When we have dreams about releasing things it’s talking about bad feelings, anger, resentments- things taking up our heart and soul that prevents us from receiving love or letting love in. Let love in.
One of the bravest thing you can do is to face your fear of intimacy. I spent many years alone because I was scared to get hurt or I had a fear of abandonment. But when I started to face it I saw that crazy fights happen and love was not clean, pretty or quiet. It was loud, rambunctious, scary at times, but a lot of it was me feeling the fear of intimacy.
I used to be an independent woman looking down on others who wanted a relationship or wanted love. But I realize I was afraid of intimacy, I was afraid to get hurt, I was afraid of love.God showed me that love is beautiful, even though it’s messy and scary at times. The fear of intimacy comes up for me everyday. I’m petrified of love.
But I’ve learned not to judge peoples’ process, relationship……being single is easy. It was easy for me to not say how I feel to anyone, to keep things to myself. It was easy to not get attached to anyone, it was easy not having a fear of intimacy….because I didn’t need to get close to anyone.Being vulnerable and honest is difficult, saying that you miss someone, saying you feel insecure is hard. But that’s the beauty of love.
Love gives you compassion, patience, grace, it’s not legalistic.
I went through a lot this weekend and made a video telling people how I felt. I felt really depressed and on the rv I was on felt suicidal after people said what they did on the stream. I don’t want to have any part to do with that community. I’ve always made positive content to encourage people in their lives, to pursue their dreams.
God has been really growing me in the area of relationships. I was seeing someone for 2 months and I’d have this horrible numb, anxiety when I was alone apart from him. We weren’t in an exclusive relationship yet because I wanted to make sure he was “the one”.
This horrible numb feeling scared me.
I would hold my emotions in and would not be able to feel my emotions around anyone.
When I talked to my friend about it and asked him to pray for me I realized it was this nagging fear that “I would lose him”. This fear of losing someone drove me to numb my heart and I would implode.
What triggered this feeling was when my neighbor moved away to New York.
When I said goodbye to him I felt my heart implode again.
I was trying to take a nap and could not feel any emotions.
God showed me a vision of myself saying goodbye to my dad when I was 8. I remembered that like it was yesterday. This fear of losing someone kept me from wanting to be close to anyone or to feel my emotions.
I’ve practiced learning to let my emotions out, instead of imploding or numbing myself. I’ve learned to cry in front of people and let them know how I feel.
It’s been a really long process.
Do you struggle with feeling your emotions?
Do you numb yourself?
Are you scared of losing someone and that fear keeps you from having your own life?