He got impatient with me and snapped at me saying “I’m needy”.

He’s pushing me away. I felt rejected so I thought to myself “wait until he loses me”.

I expressed anger towards him but by then he already quieted down and didn’t yell back.

I did run away because I hated the feeling of being unwanted. I called my friend because rejection hurts and I wanted to feel accepted. He comforted me. I said “I really wanted to HOP back on a dating app ASAP” out of anger. The feeling of being unwanted made me want to prove him wrong.

But I saw HIM again, this time I wanted to keep the tears in but I knelt in front of the bank, sitting on the curb and let the tears out, this hurts too much.

How can I love someone and then suddenly I felt unwanted and rejected, our love is too dramatic.

But truly our hearts are crazy.

We slowly walked back but I felt like running so I started running.

I ran because being around a person I love and hate hurts so he ran after me and caught me.

I wish we were like those people who never fight and never have emotions, but we have too much.

And I realize, it’s okay.

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We were on a break in our relationship and he decided to block me, my number and everything. I decided to get back in the dating game and downloaded all the prestigious dating apps.

Hinge, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel are my top choices.

To be honest, I have really high standards. It is difficult to find someone I really like. There are so many nice guys but sometimes I’m not attracted to them. I want someone who is Christian too, there’s the tough part. There’s Christians that are church going Christians and there are ones that are more spiritual. I’m definitely more spiritual and I follow the Holy Spirit.

The sad thing is that most guys just want to hook up on dating apps. Even if they read my profile and they say “no, I don’t want hookups” they later keep asking about my sex beliefs to insinuate they want sex before marriage.

Yes I am a virgin and yes I AM still waiting until marriage to have sex. I am okay with it and I have total trust in God. I don’t know why I have such strong faith but I still trust God.

I probably still haven’t found my soulmate, my ex probably wasn’t the one. I mean who blocks people like that.

How did you meet your soulmate and are you still looking?

I REALLY wanted to be on this international dating show, however they already wrapped up casting. I’m bummed out. Who knows, maybe my prince charming is in Paris.

“Rebekka Lien is a multi-talented individual who was born in Hamburg, Germany and has lived in Taiwan and now America. She is an actress, writer, comedian, musician, fashion designer, and entrepreneur. Growing up with a single mother, she learned the value of hard work and determination from a young age. Rebekka is a true creative force to be reckoned with.”

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I could feel resentment and rage in my heart. I woke up in the middle of the night and my heart was nothing but tense. I walked outside and felt the breeze.

Some nights I walk around not knowing how I feel, but tonight I’m trying to tap into my emotions.

I felt hatred for my dad. I’ve been trying to contact him for months and no reply. What’s the point of trying?

I should just give up.

I walked back in the house and my mom asked why I went out. I told her some of my frustrations, mainly things that I felt lost about. Then I told her how I feel frustrated that some people disappeared out of my life and I can’t seem to reach them.

Mostly I brought up my dad.

To be honest, I wish he died so I didn’t have to care that he was not contacting me. I know it sounds weird but imagine someone who is supposed to care about you who never reaches out.

I prayed to God “please take away this anger”. I reached out to people on Facebook and asked for prayer, I told people how I felt….

Then I felt the tears come.

The tears felt like a release of all my resentment and anger.

Slowly they rolled down my cheeks.

Thank you God that you opened my heart. Each day I have to choose to open my heart, I can’t hold onto resentment. Each day I talk to people, I try to tell people how I feel. Why? Because I don’t want my heart hard.

Do you have someone you need to forgive? Do you have someone who you hate?

I Didn’t See My Dad For 10 Years & Battled Depression and Anxiety

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“Rebekka Lien is a multi-talented individual who was born in Hamburg, Germany and has lived in Taiwan and now America. She is an actress, writer, comedian, musician, fashion designer, and entrepreneur. Growing up with a single mother, she learned the value of hard work and determination from a young age. Rebekka is a true creative force to be reckoned with.”

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