Diary Of A Relationship-Emotions Unhinged

He got impatient with me and snapped at me saying “I’m needy”.

He’s pushing me away. I felt rejected so I thought to myself “wait until he loses me”.

I expressed anger towards him but by then he already quieted down and didn’t yell back.

I did run away because I hated the feeling of being unwanted. I called my friend because rejection hurts and I wanted to feel accepted. He comforted me. I said “I really wanted to HOP back on a dating app ASAP” out of anger. The feeling of being unwanted made me want to prove him wrong.

But I saw HIM again, this time I wanted to keep the tears in but I knelt in front of the bank, sitting on the curb and let the tears out, this hurts too much.

How can I love someone and then suddenly I felt unwanted and rejected, our love is too dramatic.

But truly our hearts are crazy.

We slowly walked back but I felt like running so I started running.

I ran because being around a person I love and hate hurts so he ran after me and caught me.

I wish we were like those people who never fight and never have emotions, but we have too much.

And I realize, it’s okay.

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Loving Someone Who Won’t Commit To Me

I felt your absence, I felt the silence, I felt numbness in my heart. I could not feel but only the simple gratification of someone else showing up for me when in my heart I just wanted you to show up.

Someone else came to fill the void.

I pretended it didn’t matter but I felt a sword stabbing me deep in my heart…if I just numb my pain I won’t feel hurt but I felt hurt, I felt pain.

My body and heart was yours but I wonder if your heart is mine. Or if it’s wandering away in search of protection. I can only cry my eyes out searching for your heart.

The heart that is guarded and walled off.

You tell me to leave but my heart still wants to stay. I feel desperate, I feel pathetic. Yet my heart keeps loving the one that doesn’t seem to want me. I tell myself, he will come around, he will love me, he does love me.

I want to be chosen, not the second priority, not an afterthought.

I want to feel special, like nothing else matters to you.

I want the final rose.

And yet, I still believe, even if you are not the one, there is another one. Because I keep staring at myself in the mirror, a voice tells me “you’re worth it”.

You’re worth a million roses, you’re worth the world, you’re worth a man dying for you, you’re worth the sacrifice. If Jesus died for you, then look at your worth. You’re worth it.

I’m worth the commitment.

I’m worth someone committing to me.

I’m worth it.

My relationships did not work out in the past and I honestly don’t know how to make them work. I blame myself for them not working, but I know it’s not my fault. God is doing a work in you and I, it’s a process, don’t blame yourself. Love is hard at times, but it’s worth it. Keep going-you’re worth it.

“Rebekka Lien is a multi-talented individual who was born in Hamburg, Germany and has lived in Taiwan and now America. She is an actress, writer, comedian, musician, fashion designer, and entrepreneur. Growing up with a single mother, she learned the value of hard work and determination from a young age. Rebekka is a true creative force to be reckoned with.”

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Testimony Of Not Seeing My Dad for 10 Years

My testimony of how I didn’t see my dad for 10 years.

I felt like a burden growing up, I felt like I wasn’t enough.

I hope this video helps you feel your heart.

“Rebekka Lien is a multi-talented individual who was born in Hamburg, Germany and has lived in Taiwan and now America. She is an actress, writer, comedian, musician, fashion designer, and entrepreneur. Growing up with a single mother, she learned the value of hard work and determination from a young age. Rebekka is a true creative force to be reckoned with.”

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2 Days Since He Blocked Me

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We were on a break in our relationship and he decided to block me, my number and everything. I decided to get back in the dating game and downloaded all the prestigious dating apps.

Hinge, Bumble, Coffee Meets Bagel are my top choices.

To be honest, I have really high standards. It is difficult to find someone I really like. There are so many nice guys but sometimes I’m not attracted to them. I want someone who is Christian too, there’s the tough part. There’s Christians that are church going Christians and there are ones that are more spiritual. I’m definitely more spiritual and I follow the Holy Spirit.

The sad thing is that most guys just want to hook up on dating apps. Even if they read my profile and they say “no, I don’t want hookups” they later keep asking about my sex beliefs to insinuate they want sex before marriage.

Yes I am a virgin and yes I AM still waiting until marriage to have sex. I am okay with it and I have total trust in God. I don’t know why I have such strong faith but I still trust God.

I probably still haven’t found my soulmate, my ex probably wasn’t the one. I mean who blocks people like that.

How did you meet your soulmate and are you still looking?

I REALLY wanted to be on this international dating show, however they already wrapped up casting. I’m bummed out. Who knows, maybe my prince charming is in Paris.

“Rebekka Lien is a multi-talented individual who was born in Hamburg, Germany and has lived in Taiwan and now America. She is an actress, writer, comedian, musician, fashion designer, and entrepreneur. Growing up with a single mother, she learned the value of hard work and determination from a young age. Rebekka is a true creative force to be reckoned with.”

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I Hated My Dad, But Choose To Forgive Him Everyday

I could feel resentment and rage in my heart. I woke up in the middle of the night and my heart was nothing but tense. I walked outside and felt the breeze.

Some nights I walk around not knowing how I feel, but tonight I’m trying to tap into my emotions.

I felt hatred for my dad. I’ve been trying to contact him for months and no reply. What’s the point of trying?

I should just give up.

I walked back in the house and my mom asked why I went out. I told her some of my frustrations, mainly things that I felt lost about. Then I told her how I feel frustrated that some people disappeared out of my life and I can’t seem to reach them.

Mostly I brought up my dad.

To be honest, I wish he died so I didn’t have to care that he was not contacting me. I know it sounds weird but imagine someone who is supposed to care about you who never reaches out.

I prayed to God “please take away this anger”. I reached out to people on Facebook and asked for prayer, I told people how I felt….

Then I felt the tears come.

The tears felt like a release of all my resentment and anger.

Slowly they rolled down my cheeks.

Thank you God that you opened my heart. Each day I have to choose to open my heart, I can’t hold onto resentment. Each day I talk to people, I try to tell people how I feel. Why? Because I don’t want my heart hard.

Do you have someone you need to forgive? Do you have someone who you hate?

I Didn’t See My Dad For 10 Years & Battled Depression and Anxiety

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“Rebekka Lien is a multi-talented individual who was born in Hamburg, Germany and has lived in Taiwan and now America. She is an actress, writer, comedian, musician, fashion designer, and entrepreneur. Growing up with a single mother, she learned the value of hard work and determination from a young age. Rebekka is a true creative force to be reckoned with.”

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I’m Debt Free! This Is My Testimony!

God is good. A few years ago I was buried in debt and I couldn’t pay it off anymore. He told me to stop paying it and He asked me to follow His kingdom, not this world. I was at church and He told me give my $200 to church, to just trust Him. He told me “whose house are you building?” I was trying to live a normal life, like get a house and car and all that, but not knowing that His plans were way funner and freer. He has led me to so many people with like minded hearts and to do way funner things than sit at a 9 to 5.

I went around the world ministering to people and prophesying. I went with the Spirit and had to ask for help and connect with people.

I felt a lot of guilt for a few years because I felt guilty for being in debt but then I heard this song “I’ve paid off your debts”. I thought everything got written off but then I got a letter saying they’re suing me.

I didn’t show up in court because I thought I could ignore it. I remember the lawyer talking to me and he made me feel super guilty about opening a TJMAXX card.

He said “I see that you just opened a TJ Maxx card, then why don’t you pay us back”. I said “because they had 10% off and I’ve been paying all my bills on time”. To be honest, I felt so frustrated I started yelling at him because I felt like he was trying to guilt trip me. I felt alone and lost.

Long story short I found this law firm (I simply googled) who helped me get a bankruptcy and I was disbursed of all debt. A lot of people feel ashamed about talking about debt and finances but I believe there is freedom in talking about things that you feel ashamed about. The process took me a few months.

My mother told me to be responsible and pay it off but I knew in my heart I had to be released of it, and that I could be forgiven of my debt.

This is the verse my paralegal told me that set me free. He spoke freedom into my heart and made me feel less guilty about getting a bankruptcy. I am truly thankful to the law firm that took my case on. They did a really great job and no it’s not an ad but if you want to be referred, just message me on Instagram.

I grew up thinking bankruptcies were horrible but even after I stopped paying off my debt, returned a leased car before the payments were done and my credit dropped really low…I never even needed a credit score. God’s WAYS are higher than our ways.

At the end of every seven years you must cancel debts. This is how it is to be done: Every creditor shall cancel the loan he has made to his fellow Israelite. He shall not require payment from his fellow Israelite or brother, because the LORD’s time for canceling debts has been proclaimed.” Deuteronomy 15

“Rebekka Lien is a multi-talented individual who was born in Hamburg, Germany and has lived in Taiwan and now America. She is an actress, writer, comedian, musician, fashion designer, and entrepreneur. Growing up with a single mother, she learned the value of hard work and determination from a young age. Rebekka is a true creative force to be reckoned with.”

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