I Thought I Could Change Him

I thought I could change him, or maybe he’d understand me eventually. He’d understand that calling me names isn’t okay. I gave him ultimatums but it kept happening.

I could become numb to it, but I didn’t grow up calling anyone names.

I grew up in a suburb where people rarely even cussed.

I thought the looks would lure me back in, I thought the hugs would be enough for my heart, the momentary bliss of being loved, I thought the comfort of the good times were enough but they weren’t.

Because the disrespect, the driving off without conversation, the name calling, it was enough to change my mind.

I wasn’t able to change him or convince him to change. My words weren’t enough.

I knew that God would tell me to tell him how I felt, but each time, I felt the apology was just a cover up, like a band-aid. The wound was still there.

What really got me out was when I started meeting people who were eager to see me, didn’t brush me off, treated me with respect, showed a desire to hang out with me. I felt like I was often begging for attention with him.

I felt like I was annoying to him, so why bother, why tell me that he loved me, that he saw marriage with me.

I tried over and over to communicate, to express my thoughts and emotions and needs, but there wasn’t enough conversation for me, it felt like I was trying to tell a bull to move.

I read a quote recently that said you’ll attract what you want or am ready for. I started to meet people who were willing to talk about things that were hard and to express their emotions.

I thought I couldn’t live without him because I experienced so many good times with him, but I’ll simply remember the bad times and remember that I’m better off. I even blamed myself.

I’m the one overwhelming him, I’m doing this or that. But I realize it’s no excuse for his behavior.

This instagram post doesn’t really relate but kind of does.

Reel Youtube- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnGlbjqzx_Y

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Heart & Love Breakthrough

We all want love don’t we, but we often don’t think we are avoidant of love. I was avoidant of love. I used “figuring things out” as a way to avoid emotions. I would ask God “is He the one?” instead of truly getting to know someone or experiencing intimacy with them. That’s what church taught me. They taught me about soul ties, which was a lie and misconception that caused me to avoid getting close to anyone, especially a guy.

Instead of letting love in, I’d ask God what I should do. This was a communistic and legalistic way which avoided my heart from FEELING my emotions.

God would tell me “tell that person how you feel”, I started to get in touch with my emotions and it was scary at first because I often felt numb in my twenties. The negligence of my dad made me feel uncared for. I felt like my dad did not care about me nor did he love me. I felt shunned and I often felt numb.

Tonight I felt something so powerful I have never felt before. Someone told me how he felt and unfortunately I did not feel the same, but I told him how I felt. Instead of shutting him down I told him that I felt bad that I could not make him happy. I felt guilty that I couldn’t reciprocate the same feelings that he had for me. When he replied with grace I realized that love is unconditional and it embraces, it doesn’t reject. Love communicates emotions.

Instead of going numb, I spoke my truth about how I felt in the moment with someone who was rambling and that broke the fear. We often allow others to ramble while we are totally numb, but then both parties are numb and unfeeling, and also largely disconnected.

A lot of people use sexuality to feel but what if you’re able to express your emotions and feel your emotions without using sex to feel it. We live in an over sexualized society where people are unable to express their emotions effectively towards someone. Because words have power and what if by expressing how we feel we conquer the fear of intimacy and build intimacy and emotional connection…most of all UNDERSTANDING.

Reel Youtube- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fnGlbjqzx_Y

Reel-https://rebekkalien.com/about/links/

https://rebekkalien.com/

https://instagram.com/rebekkalien

tiktok.com/@rebekkalien

https://youtube.com/channel/UC0KPVREYdYVPnfzhuO-E_fg

Backstage.com Review

@rebekkalien

Use this link to get a discount! https://fbuy.io/backstage/rebekkalien Hey, I’ve been using Backstage to book acting jobs. They have tons of paid jobs in film, TV, theater, and commercials, including paid remote work you can audition for and perform at home!I’m giving you $75 off your first year of membership, so you can try it out and see if you can land roles! You can thank me later 🙂 https://fbuy.io/backstage/rebekkalien

♬ original sound – Rebekka Lien
Use this link to get a $75 discount! https://fbuy.io/backstage/rebekkalien

Hey, I’ve been using Backstage to book acting jobs. They have tons of paid jobs in film, TV, theater, and commercials, including paid remote work you can audition for and perform at home!I’m giving you $75 off your first year of membership, so you can try it out and see if you can land roles! You can thank me later 🙂 https://fbuy.io/backstage/rebekkalien

I’ll be sharing more about gigs I’ve booked on my tik Tok! 🙂

Follow me on Social Media- https://linktr.ee/rebekkalien

You Are Wanted

This morning I looked within and asked myself how I felt. I felt “unwanted” and God was telling me that I am wanted.

I realized when someone told me a casting director really liked me and I was surprised….because he kept telling me to say things over, and deep down I thought he didn’t like me or I was doing things wrong, I realized that I often think people don’t like me.

Why? Probably because my dad didn’t talk to me for 10 years. Probably because his silence in my life made me think that I was unwanted, and not likable. So these deeply imbedded thoughts made me reject myself. For many years, I called him non stop without a response. For two years, I called hundreds of times. That is why I don’t give up, I don’t stop at nothing now to get what I want.

One day he picked up my call and he was drinking whiskey. It wasn’t the type of conversation I was hoping for, but it was something. It was a breakthrough for me. That’s why I’m not afraid to call or talk to someone behind the screen about an opportunity. That’s why I’m not afraid of confrontation. That’s why I’m not afraid to say how I feel. It’s taken a lot of practice.

I would see the slightest annoyance in peoples’ faces and think they don’t like me. I would run away from situations that required me to perform. If anyone told me what to do, I’d think they’re trying to control me. Confrontation was scary to me.

When someone tells me things are not possible, I can’t do this or that, or that there’s rules or systems….something inside of me says “YES ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!”

Because God tells me to follow my heart, not rules, not systems, not schools, not policies, not tradition. He tells me to breakthrough by going after what I want.

I’ll give you a small example. Yesterday I needed to charge my phone at a restaurant. I asked the waitress and she asked her coworker. She asked a few times and he said no. I was not content because my phone was about to die. I even asked if I could charge it in the bathroom because no one else was in the restaurant. Again, the male coworker said no.

I went up to him directly because again I was not happy. He said “oh it’s because I’ve gotten in trouble for helping a customer charge their phone, but if you like to put your phone in the bathroom you can go ahead”.

His explanation helped me to realize that he wasn’t being a stickler, he just didn’t want to get in trouble and I also got to charge my phone. I got an explanation and what I wanted by going to the source. I’ve talked to a lot of managers and gotten explanations, apologies, conversations. These opportunities help me to express how I feel, instead of resenting the business. Since I didn’t grow up with my dad I never got the opportunity to express how I feel, so telling people how I feel helps me get out of my emotional cave.

Do you have trouble speaking up because of the fear of rejection?

Reel-https://rebekkalien.com/about/links/

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Art- https://rebekkalien.com/art/the-reckoning-2012-show/

Donate: 
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I Got Pranked By Jay Kinda Funny

I GOT PRANKED!!!!

Go watch it 🙂 And Also hope to see you all tomorrow at Hotel Cafe!

Comedy Madness on Wednesday!


Come out to support me! I’ll be performing on Wednesday.

Buy Tickets here! 
https://new.hotelcafe.com/event/comedy-madness-37/

Reel-https://rebekkalien.com/about/links/

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tiktok.com/@rebekkalien

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Fashion designs-https://rebekkalien.com/art/fashion-designs/

Art- https://rebekkalien.com/art/the-reckoning-2012-show/

Hands Free

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https://rebekkalien.com/

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tiktok.com/@rebekkalien

https://youtube.com/channel/UC0KPVREYdYVPnfzhuO-E_fg

Fashion designs-https://rebekkalien.com/art/fashion-designs/

Art- https://rebekkalien.com/art/the-reckoning-2012-show/

Donate: 
Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien  
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Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com 
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Comedy Madness Show February 23

Hi Everyone!

I will be performing at Comedy Madness Show on February 23, 2022. Buy tickets here!

Comedy Madness is one of the largest stand up comedy event promotions companies in the world, producing thousands of shows in North America since 2009, from Miami to Vancouver! Including our weekly showcases in Los Angeles located at the Comedy Store, Laugh Factory and Ice House Comedy Club.

Each show is 90 minutes and features a roster of comedians with appearances on Tonight Show, Conan, Netflix, America’s Got Talent, Comedy Central, Showtime and more.

Visit @comedymadnessshow on Instagram for past show pictures and clips.

Kasheem Clifton
Mindy Mann
Clem Darling
Ethan Miller
Rachel Posler
Brennan Russell
Connor Cacciottolo
Rebekka Lien
Mario Rappa
Charlie James
Sonny Edwards
Max Ozer
Darrell Sinega

I hope to see you! Remember to buy tickets here!

Today IS MY Birthday!

Today is my birthday.

I’m not going to lie but last year was one of the hardest years for me. I encountered a lot of harassment and had to call the police a lot but I believe before breakthrough the enemy always loves to attack.

I prophesy BREAKTHROUGHS, Prosperity and MORE LOVE this year!

Consider sowing a seed and giving below!

SOW-
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Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com 
CASHAPP-GUGIBABU

Thank you and much gratitude to everyone who has been watching my YouTube or reading my blog, even though I took a hiatus from blogging for awhile. Sorry about that. I guess I was focused on my inner life more and healing from a lot of wounding, I talk to a therapist once a week and it’s really been helping.

PROPHESY-

I PROPHESY a breakthrough year. LET LOVE IN. LET LOVE IN. Do not use your logical mind to make up fortresses and boundaries, let love in, for love has no logic and it stems from the heart. Allow your heart to feel and do not allow logic to put up a wall to defend what needs to come out.

A bit of what I’ve been going through- I realized recently that even in acting, I need to be myself and no one else. I don’t need to fit in, I don’t need to do anything that doesn’t feel right. I just need to be 100% myself even if that means going off the beaten path and choosing what feels true to me.

WHAT feels true to you? Don’t conform or compromise who YOU ARE. YOU are unique and like no one else! Love you.

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Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! 
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