Grace of God in West Hollywood

106456369_10163917468815603_2026484548721201859_o

“Whoever blesses you will be blessed” I woke up to God saying that to me. He showed me that there is a blessing for blessing the fatherless.

I have this heart heat rash.

He says “don’t be afraid of love”.

I met a Christian, I meet a lot of Christians who tell me they don’t go to church, they believe in God, they are spiritual.

Yesterday a new friend I met was defending me. “She’s a virgin, she’s not like that”. A man approached me and was trying really hard.

He goes “I want some pussy”.

My heart was grieved.

I was already disappointed.

Our society has come to this.

I’ve grown a lot. Obviously it hasn’t always been easy to know what I deserve. But I know now. As I know my promise of marriage is coming, I sense the momentum and climax of promise. People are attracted to Jesus in me and I am a witness for Him.

I had three guys hit on me yesterday. One, a guy slipped me a note and said I was pretty. Two, a friend’s friend. Three, a guy I had met before on the streets of West Hollywood.

I am reminded all of them are God’s children and there is a reason they are attracted to me. I am learning to treat them with grace, and not the harshness of the world.

Whenever I am disappointed in men, I am learning to keep my heart open and pray for them even more. We live in the wild wild west of LA and there are a lot of spirits out here, but to have a friend defend me means the world to me.

I have made pretty incredible friends out here in West Hollywood. Remember I told you God said “this land is yours?” I went from not knowing anyone to gathering the Lost Sheep. I’d be alone and I would wait in line and God would arrange for me to meet someone. Sometimes I’d break the rules and invite people to eat with me or ask people who were alone to eat with them. I’ve gotten yelled at so many times for breaking the rules.

The truth is- love doesn’t have rules. Love breaks the rules.

People are not evil. People have wounds and baggage and they just want love. I’ve learned to see past the evil. 

Give to this ministry- Thank you! God bless! 

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien
Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

CASHAPP-GUGIBABU

Subscribe- https://rebekkalien.com/
https://instagram.com/rebekkalien
Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

Letting Go Of Toxic Relationships

person in yellow jacket standing on green grass field near mountain
Photo by Simon Migaj on Pexels.com

I feel like I’m suffocating

Like I’m drowning

I care for you and I can’t breathe

But I feel like you are a speck in the ocean slowly moving away

Walking away

I cry in silence

Sometimes loudly

Bawling

Yet you seem to feel nothing

And so I fade into the distance, I allow my heart to suffocate into the background

This is a familiar feeling

When I knew it was ending but I didn’t want to let go

I silently screamed into my pillow

I had given my all

And yet it was not enough

I’ve paid my dues, this time I’ll learn to let go faster than before

I feel like I’m drowning

But I can’t hear myself speak

I try to speak but words won’t come out because I still want your security even when it is false

I almost cried hearing his story

He walked away, angry, never crying

He said.

If I said how I felt, it wouldn’t be enough, what is the point, his pride would get in the way

This time, I’ll let go faster than I did before

So my heart does not suffocate from lack of air.

This time I’ll let myself be happy instead of pay a fine

This time I’ll walk out scotch free, this time I’ll choose myself, instead of pleasing him.

This time I’ll better myself by freeing myself

This time, this time.

And you’ll call me crazy, ridiculous, any words, any words.

But I hope you look in your heart and see that your refusal to be in touch with your heart is only a curse on your own soul.

Whoever he was, he is, they are all the same, the same lessons. They keep coming, they come in the form of tall and short, green or blue eyes, brown, they are all the same person walking in the same lesson.

Will you listen to your heart this time?

Or will you scream into the void?

Will you empty yourself until you have nothing left?

Will you try to break down a brick wall with your bare hands? Bloody and torn, those hands made to hold you, now depleted, destroyed.

He didn’t know it was coming last time, but it came like a storm and broke his cold stone heart, he wept for the first time. I broke his heart and it took years.

I didn’t know I had to let him go to open his heart, that was the only way to go, not to hold onto him, but to let him go.

I used to give all of myself to love someone, even if I only got 10% back.

I used to think it was my fault that someone wasn’t able to love me back, but I realize that some people have a small cup that cannot contain my bucket loads of love. 

My job is to find someone who can pour back into my buckets, instead of feeling depleted giving constantly.

I made the first move to reconcile with my dad after 10 years of not seeing him. I flew thousands of miles and hours to see him. Slowly we reconciled. I would fly back again after 2 years, more and more but every time I would be sad to leave, sometimes I was disappointed. Last time he couldn’t take me to the airport because he had a migraine.

No matter what, nothing seemed to be enough. Nothing I did could open up his heart to me.

So I would give all of myself to love someone, and most people only give back 10%.

What I learned is, find those who are willing to give love to you. 

I used to think it was my fault that people didn’t open up to me, that people didn’t love me, that my dad didn’t show love to me.

But I realize no, it’s not my fault. I tried my best and now I have to teach my heart to move on. I moved on from my dad, my mom, from my brother, from exes, from past friendships and I still learn to move on as I speak up and keep honoring my heart.

I kept trying to get love from people who didn’t have any to give.

And I realize very little people have that emotional capacity to express love.

God send me people that know how to express and give love without fear. I don’t have fear for fear has to do with punishment. Guide us into the right direction, to people who have love to give.

I stood up for myself this time. I spent 2.5 years allowing my heart to die to be with someone 6 years ago. I then encountered a man that reminded me of my ex. I had to learn to let go faster than I did last time. Because the same red flags came up. God will send the same type of person so you’d learn to stand up for yourself this time around.

The same situations will come up until you learn to overcome them and confront your worse fears.

Give to this ministry- Thank you! God bless! 

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien
Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

CASHAPP-GUGIBABU

Subscribe- https://rebekkalien.com/
https://instagram.com/rebekkalien
Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

You Are Worthy of Love

117237283_10164075782790603_8679849458788530292_o

Dear Dad,

I felt God say to write a letter to you.

It’s very hard to understand that your heart is for me or that you even love me when we basically have no communication.

Communication is my heart language, besides physical affection.

It’s hard to understand when someone rejects you. I’ve been dealing with feeling unwanted my whole life, so I didn’t put myself in front of many opportunities or even love itself. Friendships, desires for relationships.

There were two instances where I felt rejected by men. One guy I really liked but since at one point he just wanted to be friends, he rejected my hug. I felt rejected and unwanted. Now after that he said he wanted to be alone and he never picked up my calls or texts. But God kept telling me to express how I felt so I did.

It was difficult not getting a response. I persevered and then eventually the desire waned after I did my fare share of reaching out. Eventually I met someone else. Now this was another growth lesson.

God has always told me to not be afraid of rejection. So I keep putting my heart out there even though it hurts.

This one has a kid and a fair share of past drama. To which, I thought, you know what let me not get involved. But for some reason God kept telling me to follow my heart and as much as I was afraid of a possible end, I pursued it knowing God had breakthroughs for me. 

I remember someone prophesying over me that I was going up a hill and a mountain, but that it would be worth it.

This year God has been preparing me for marriage and He has been doing it through getting to know people I go on dates with. The lessons are beyond plentiful.

Showing me peoples’ experiences through marriage, cheating, just like you did, you cheated, but maybe you had your reasons.

I followed my heart and I’ve cried plenty of times. I realize that it has worked out my muscles, my heart. Because I wanted to deny my emotions for a long time. I wanted to not feel, because I thought pain was so awful. Now I realize pain is a gift. Pain allows you to process your fears.

I was afraid of getting hurt.

I felt unwanted when I couldn’t get what I wanted, I felt rejected- but when I cried because of that pain, I felt a release of fear. 

When I was able to express my fears openly and honestly, then cry in front of a man, I felt loved. Because I was transparent and naked emotionally. 

God always sends men who seem shut down and emotionally unavailable, like you dad.

But for some reason when I am able to show my emotions and have breakthroughs I realize it has nothing to do with you, it’s about me being able to feel.

Even if you never reciprocate, as long as I can feel, I’m okay.

Because this is my life, and I have to be okay with my emotions, I have to express love and love myself by embracing my emotions.

I’m open now.

It’s so good to be alive.

I don’t always have to laugh or be happy in front of people, I can be vulnerable.

I feel amazing today. I feel at rest having cried. I feel peaceful. I can have what I want, my presence in the moment.

I kept running from my emotions not realizing my emotion is the best gift. I embrace every emotion I have and I freely release them in the moment.

you are worthy of love signage on brown wooden post taken
Photo by Tim Mossholder on Pexels.com

Give to this ministry- Thank you! God bless! 

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien
Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

CASHAPP-GUGIBABU

Subscribe- https://rebekkalien.com/
https://instagram.com/rebekkalien
Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

I wish someone taught me dating is not about getting to the end goal but realizing and healing from the wounds that need to be healed before you meet the one. So instead of the end goal of meeting the one….it’s about reflecting on the cross section of issues that you have and what that other person has. And experiencing breakthrough and healing through those conversations, conflicts, emotions.

Performance Driven Relationships Vs. Vulnerability Driven Relationships

closeup-photography-of-clear-jeweled-gold-colored-cluster-1232931

This morning after I confessed the truth to my ex (about cheating on him 6 years ago), I had this realization that a lot of my friendships and relationships in the past were “performance driven” relationships.

My mother used to yell at me a lot. I had to practice piano for 1-2 hours a day as a child. She would leave the house and tell me to practice. I would read instead of play piano. When I heard her car in the driveway, I would start playing piano again. I wasn’t really doing anything bad but I essentially lied to her and would say I played piano the whole time.

Of course my ex said that I was selfish for telling him and that I am wasting his time. Because should it even matter anymore?

I felt God say to tell him the truth this whole week and I was scared to. I was scared of the consequences or hurting his feelings. I haven’t talked to him for 6 years.

But all of this exposed everything to me, about how I used to be in relationships.

He didn’t like my clothes, I had to change.

He told me to put on makeup.

It was a relationship driven by performance and people pleasing. 

Essentially – “I’ll be happy if you do this or don’t do this”.

Same with my mother. 

I tried to appease her but I didn’t like doing what she told me to, so I just lied or avoided telling her anything that would displease her. 

I went through a lot of trauma by myself because I did not want to worry her or be blamed for my decisions. Often times if I was heart broken, I would tell her and she would say “why did you get so close to him anyways?” or “why did you even go out with him?”

After her divorce, she never dated or married again. She gave up on men.

I felt alone in my friendships and relationships because I had to hide much of what I was going through due to fear of judgement or someone trying to tell me what to do. 

I have learned to be honest and vulnerable in my relationships even though it isn’t easy.

Even at the age of 32, I have told my mother that I am staying at my friend’s house and if it was a guy, she’d get angry.

That is why when I was 22 I moved out and never told her anything I did. I think people lie or cheat because they can’t truly be themselves in that relationship. Perhaps they’ve gotten to a point where they are hiding their opinions, perspectives, truths out of the fear that they will be judged for their truth. 

My ex often said that I was the cheerful, positive person. He thought of me as this perfect girl that was his only. He was controlling at times and distant at times. It was really unhealthy. I couldn’t tell him how I felt at all because he didn’t like talking about his emotions. At one point I had a male roommate who I could easily talk to and I asked myself why I felt so alone in my relationship but felt comfortable talking to my roommate. I was crying to him about my ex as he tucked me into my bed. 

woman-holding-man-s-hand-during-day-773124

It didn’t make sense but I tried to find comfort and communication outside of my relationship because there was no communication or vulnerability in my relationship. 

Without vulnerability in your relationships, you feel like you have to perform and be something you’re not.

Honesty breaks every ice. No one is asking you to do something you don’t want to. Everything you do should be out of desire and the honesty of your heart.

Give to this ministry- Thank you! God bless! 

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien
Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

CASHAPP-GUGIBABU

Subscribe- https://rebekkalien.com/
https://instagram.com/rebekkalien
Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

 

 

 

 

Live Life In Freedom

109056502_10163978120175603_571398027269645857_n

They tell me 

“well you shouldn’t have….” because this or that wouldn’t have happened.

You shouldn’t have crossed the road, because if you wouldn’t have crossed the road, you wouldn’t have fallen.

You shouldn’t have fallen in love, because you wouldn’t have gotten hurt.

You shouldn’t have….

But they live in a box full of guilt and condemnation. They devil taunting them, you shouldn’t have, you could have prevented yourself from getting hurt.

So they live in fear, inside their house as demons tell them “don’t go out, you’ll get hurt”.

Sure, I get hurt and things happen to me.

Things that probably don’t happen to most people. But you do realize I am a prophet and the devil will try to stop me from being free right?

From preaching “no condemnation in Christ Jesus?” The devil will use anything to say “well you shouldn’t have”.

Don’t be out, they say. 

Don’t do this, they say. 

Lots of red tape and yellow tape. They try to put tape on me. If only, they say.

There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus. I followed my heart and I fell on the street. I got a few marks on my face, a bit on my legs and arms, but I am a warrior. I loved with all my heart. I fell down off the cliff but God lifted me up.

I could hide in a cave, but the enemy would love that. 

I could start numbering and measuring, instead of loving. I could start using logic and reading, trying to figure out how to best “prevent hurt from happening and my heart from breaking”, but I would never live.

I could become a recluse and never talk to another human being, then I would have no drama and no tears to cry, but I would be alone, utterly alone, devoid of love. 

I fall head first, and I use my heart, not my logic. I love with all my being and heart.

And they point fingers and say “well you shouldn’t have”. They don’t understand becauseI they think with their heads and not their heart. They’ve shut love out. Love is not logical, love is passionate, messy, full of mistakes.

Growing up I saw marriages made out of logic. You see, they tick all the boxes but there is no chemistry or passion. I saw white picket fence relationships. “We look good to others”, it was a front.

Regret is not from God. 

I accept all the decisions I’ve ever made and I accept that I was living in freedom. There was nothing I could have done to prevent what I needed to experience. 

But why do I need to get hurt? Is it necessary? 

Yes, you are whole in my eyes. The hurt is only momentary. You loved and lived, and you were better for it. You are so rich because you choose to love with everything you have. You are a zillionaire because you choose to live outside the box and cage of fear. 

God has already made you pure and whole by the blood of Jesus, you’re standing with God never changes, He never sees an inkling of sin or mistakes in you. 

So why do we live our lives fearing that we will make a mistake or get hurt?

We base our decisions on one fear, “I never want to get divorced….I learned from my parents” (fear of failure, also a fear not from God)

“I don’t ever want to get heart broken, it hurt too much last time, so I’m never going to date. I’m just going to sit in this car and never ask another girl out, I’ll just wait on God” (aka I don’t ever want to face rejection again- which is a fear).

Life is full of unknowns. It is also possible to have a fear of the unknown.

I don’t know where God will lead me, so I won’t walk in faith- some say.

I’ll control and do what I can see- and for most people that is making money or working. 

You can’t see emotions, so most people don’t want to fall in love.

When they get hurt, they resort to making money, because they can see money and dollar amounts. You can calculate money, but you can’t calculate love. 

“I’ve been used, I feel lack, now I am going to ignore my heart forever and live my life for what I can calculate and earn”- some say. 

But your heart is still whole, it’s broken, but it’s whole.

Okay, it hurts, sure, but everyday is a new day. God is saying “don’t live in fear, you’ve been made righteous by my blood, don’t condemn yourself, you don’t hurt because of your decisions, you hurt because that’s part of life. Do you know that my love makes you whole. Feel the sadness and the emotions, but don’t stop living life. I’m holding your heart”.

I’m healing your heart, says God.

Religion says “if I follow all the rules, I won’t get hurt”.

Grace says “I am free in Christ Jesus, I can walk in freedom and trust with God and even if I get hurt, His love carries me”.

Give to this ministry and prophetic word- Thank you! God bless! 

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien
Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

CASHAPP-GUGIBABU

Subscribe- https://rebekkalien.com/
https://instagram.com/rebekkalien
Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

You Are Safe

96691033_10163602583680603_4809437904851959808_n.jpg“You lied to me. Friends don’t lie”.

I can feel my heart beating out of my chest. The emotions were raw. I could feel like my eyes were bulging out of my chest and my heart was about to explode. Eventually tears came and it felt good to feel. 

Sometimes we just go about our day, never revealing to people how we feel. We control every factor. We plan our day, our drive, our GPS to life. We never allow God to flow through us.

How about now? When’s the last time you felt completely broken in front of God. 

I really feel this today. Even though I am close to God, perhaps I’ve closed my heart to God. So many disappointments, so many closed doors. We can become disheartened and no longer feel. What is the point of feeling this emotion, it’s hopeless. We become depressed because we don’t expect anything good anymore. 

God has been putting me through reality show quality drama. 

I mean I am talking about not being in control ever. Not only are there divine appointments wherever I go….there are a lot of unknown factors.

Okay, throw a guy into the mix, then some lies, betrayal. Okay, throw the fact that someone just told me he saw a dead woman lying on the street due to a car accident. This friend told me that he felt really weird today.

Oh you mean maybe you need to cry?

Feeling gross, yucky, weird…….indicates that you may need a good cry. But the lies have to come out first. So you either talk to God, or most likely God wants you to talk to people about it. 

It can be simple….

Like “why did you lie to me?”

“I felt unwanted when you did this______”

“You hurt me, I feel deceived”

Not everyone is open to that discussion. I can feel my heart more than I’ve ever felt. It’s scary.

But YOU ARE ENOUGH.

No wonder what you’ve been through- you are enough. You are not lacking. Feel your emotions, sit in the safety of my arms. I’m here.

Sow a seed-

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien
Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Subscribe- https://rebekkalien.com/
https://instagram.com/rebekkalien
Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

Buy Merchandise- https://teespring.com/stores/rebekka

https://society6.com/shoprl

I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!

 

I’m scared that if I get close to someone they will leave me. 

96173069_10163577549000603_4623791886262337536_n.jpg

This was a super impromptu “photo shoot” that I had in the moment at Pacific Palisades.

How deep do you want to fall?

We all try to protect our hearts. We call it “being wise”. We disappear. We ghost, we don’t communicate how much we care, we act like we can be disconnected from our hearts.

“I don’t want to hurt you, I don’t want to get hurt”.

That’s our excuse. Sky high walls around our hearts. It’s better to not be happy, then be happy for a minute or a moment. 

We try to cut things short because maybe we won’t feel it, any kind of pain.

But it’s inevitable.

I remember the pain of leaving my 10 year old students in China or each mission trip I took. I built deep friendships with the people I hung out with. Everyday I felt my heart being broken. But does that mean I shouldn’t have gone? No. That’s what made the moments beautiful. 

You love them more in each moment.

The moments are sparkly. Vulnerability beautiful.

Hearts shining.

But we seem to pull back as humans.

It’s better to be defensive and cold than to show that we care.

I don’t want to live with a closed heart. I want to live with my heart wide open.

I went from having to turn down a guy, to kind of being turned down (even as a friend), to a guy trying to “protect my heart from getting hurt” to meeting a guy who wanted to treat me right but didn’t want me to “fall in love with him”.

These are all innuendos of “let’s not feel”.

The truth is relationships are complex and it’s hard to be cold-hearted. 

But we have all kinds of excuse. 

I don’t want to hurt you.

I don’t want you to hurt me. “I’m scared to get hurt”.

I had a really clean cut idea of marriage and dating. I didn’t understand why I had to date. “What’s the point God? Especially if he’s not my husband?” 

2 years ago God showed me a tinder account swiping left, and I heard “get ready”.

I never really understood why I had to go through so much dating wise, even before. Other people seemed to have it easy. They just met their husband and that’s it. But no, me???? I’ve had plenty of boyfriends, I’ve had summer/winter/fall flings, I was definitely not the typical church-goer.

95701747_10163577552105603_6318543143260127232_n.jpg

I’m a romantic. I used to draw comics and write love stories. Each boyfriend was a potential husband. I wrote impossible scenarios of grand romantic gestures. 

But those were not always the type of men I met. Some were just lewd, sketchy, perverts. The only way I found that I could protect my heart was to not sleep with them (so I have managed to save myself for marriage). But do not get me wrong, I’ve had my share of physical experiences.

I didn’t grow up with my dad, I shut down my heart whenever I would leave Taiwan (after a visit).

“It’s better to not feel, then to feel any love for someone who will leave me”.

That is how I protected myself. But that’s how I became disassociated and disconnected emotionally. 

Through this dating process recently, the Lord showed me how I would disconnect to protect myself. A part of my personality would shut down because my heart was bracing for the heartbreak, the separation. I would sense how I became distant, indifferent. I would stop laughing, I would stop being entertaining or happy. I would become quieter, pensive. I wouldn’t say what is on my mind.

“It’s going to end anyway” my heart would say.

“Why bother? Why try?”

I couldn’t allow myself just to be happy, because there was some pending “doom”. 

People think that if they just disconnect or not feel, then they’d protect themselves from pain. 

But I realize that pain is powerful, it allows our hearts to know that it matters. 

That person or moment or season of my life was beautiful, powerful, lovely.

Why can’t we be okay with that?

We avoid pain at all costs but we also miss the beauty of it all. 

The life, the riches, the moments.

After spending time with someone the Lord led me to yesterday, I felt this strange ache in my neck. My heart felt numb and unfeeling. I didn’t know why. I woke up in the middle of the night and started crying. My heart was scared to feel.

I’m scared that if I get close to someone they will leave me. 

Like the other friends who disappeared from my life, will this one leave too? That’s what pushed me away from forming deep friendships for awhile. And even if I did, I couldn’t communicate through the pain of certain conflicts. It hurt too much. I had people betray me, but I also cut people off.

When people are good to you, you doubt it. This is too good to be true. Am I really safe? Or are they judgemental? Will they snap at any minute?

I’ve met nice people recently, and I think they’ll stay that way, but one comment triggers them to react and my heart will fear. 

“I’m not safe” my heart will say. “Go home” I’ll think.

God has been leading me to people who are lonely, rejected, wounded, I mean that is my ministry. At the same time, I find myself trying to guard myself from feeling for them.

“Get down and dirty, feel each moment, feel each feeling, no matter how uncomfortable it feels. Cry and laugh. Don’t be afraid of love”.

Love is not just happiness and roses, love is also the pain of separation. I talk to many singles about dating and they often use the excuse of “I’m just loving myself”. This may be true for a season but the prophesy that the Lord has been telling me is “tell people to open their heart and come out of hiding”.

Tell people to be vulnerable, to tell their truth. 

It’s human nature to hide out of shame, unworthiness, guilt. But when we expose our truths, we know that we can truly be loved for who we are, not what we do. 

95196144_10163579336835603_9068031440649715712_n

Some people may find me too careless to open my heart but that’s just how God has made me. I have to have an open heart everyday. Sometimes I’ll have fear in my heart and I won’t want to take chances or step out in faith but God will lead me to be courageous.

Yesterday He said “ask for a ride” and just as I was about to get the bus I saw a car pull up. The car had a baby in it. The driver was Catholic. She sped up and dropped me off where the bus was. My heart was still hesitant right? Immediately I met a guy with tattoos who was quiet. I started talking to him. I know most people find talking to strangers intimidating but when people open up to me, I feel encouraged.

95283442_10163579350700603_7475168408619712512_n

Eventually I got to Pasadena and I saw this woman walking around with her suitcase. I asked if she needed help and she said “no”. God said “follow her, ask her if she needs help”. Eventually I realized that God was trying to tell me not to be afraid of rejection.

Because I needed to tell a guy my truth. The truth was “I am not physically attracted to you”. I tried to explain it a few ways but I realize that I couldn’t. I had to be honest. I was emotionally attracted but not physically attracted so I used “you’re not usually my type” as a way to avoid the truth. But he thought that I would eventually realize he was the better option, opposed to the other guys that I was seeing (whom he considered bad boys).

The truth is hard to hear sometimes, but it does set us free. We want to take care of peoples’ hearts but we really can’t. Only God can, God has peoples’ hearts in His hands.

I felt guilty and bad for having to be honest. I hate hurting people, but closing a door allows them to move on. 

Maybe I’m too honest, or maybe I overshare. But I live in freedom. I’m an artist, I’ve been created to express myself.

I’m not a saint, I’ve been saved by grace. I’m not perfect, only perfect by the blood of Jesus.

Would you consider giving a contribution or donating to this ministry? God leads me to divine appointments everyday, I pastor people who are unconventional, who have been rejected by the church or by their parents, some are drug addicts living on the streets, some are just really isolated people who have no friends, some just have high walls up in their hearts. Many of them I prophesy for them to go home because they have a fear of being rejected by their parents….most likely they have already experienced lots of rejection from their family. I was like that myself. But God taught me to speak up to my mom and tell her how I feel, without a fear of rejection. It’s never really become easy though. I’ve just grown in my capacity to have patience and love for her.

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien
Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Subscribe- https://rebekkalien.com/
https://instagram.com/rebekkalien
Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

Buy Merchandise- https://teespring.com/stores/rebekka

https://society6.com/shoprl

I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!

 

The Plan Is To Follow God/You Heart

95333363_10163535516815603_8145879250411454464_n.jpg
Wow God. First God told me to go to Pasadena so I took an Uber and he was this Muslim guy. The Lord told me to ask him to get me food and he said okay. He also said to ask him to wait and take me home.
On the ride home I heard the Lord say “tell him to go home” so I said when’s the last time you went home, he said 10 years ago (I thought about my brother who is afraid of my mom). He got really emotional and wanted to cry. The last time he saw his mom and dad was 10 years ago but he was afraid to face them. I said “sometimes our heart don’t know what we truly want”. we think being independent is what we want but what we need is relational closeness.
I got home and God told me to go to the airport to talk to an Uber driver (also I cried a lot)….this driver ran away from home when he was 14 and became homeless and stayed with different people.
He said that if my dad hid from me it’s because he cares for me and feels guilty which made me cry. He also said he’s never been married because he fears a wife controlling him.
I prophesied to him to not be afraid of love. He said that he often feels guilty if he’s not able to help someone. But I said Jesus died for his sins and God is taking care of everyone.
Then I was like God should I get a ticket? I hadn’t booked a flight. I wasn’t sure. I saw a Chinese lady who needed help with translation so I helped her.
I decided to just get a ticket…I met a few divine appointments in the airport and suddenly heard to go home so I went to cancel my flight and said that I was heart broken, and that was a divine appointment- one Jewish and Christian lady told me when it’s the right person you’ll just know. They were able to void my ticket.
See George Clooney?
I said that I liked a guy but I know he isn’t the one. The Jewish lady says “you should always do what you want because when you do, you meet like minded people”.
She said “you should go to charity events, that’s where people have a little bit of money”.
Okay, well maybe this is holy spirit speaking.
I went out and saw a shuttle for the green light coming, I hopped on.
I saw someone on the shuttle and God said go to the back- He told me to ask for a ride…and he was hesitant but he said okay. He seemed closed off and scared.
I said-
“You’ve been hurt and heart broken but don’t be afraid to open your heart to love”.
He said he had been cheated on. He caught his ex cheating. He was very closed off. So yah I got home.
Honestly I was confused at times like God I have no idea what you’re doing, but as I saw the day play out I saw that God was moving and I had to just flow with it.

Sow a seed to this ministry-
Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien
Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Subscribe- https://rebekkalien.com/
https://instagram.com/rebekkalien
Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

Buy Merchandise- https://teespring.com/stores/rebekka

https://society6.com/shoprl

I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!

Growing In Emotional Maturity

93939756_10163468097450603_5021465901791182848_n.jpg

I find this a juxtaposition of “isolation” on the right versus “community” on the left side. This was taken in Santa Monica.

Every day that goes by I realize I never confronted my dad.

Just let him get away with it. Just let those people who abandoned and walked away get away with it. 

That was also my pattern. I let people step on me and abuse me, mistreated me but I didn’t speak up for myself. I didn’t say how I felt. It would become so much I’d block them, cut them off. That was my pattern. Because I didn’t know how to communicate how I felt. In my mom’s eyes, I was always wrong. I was always the scapegoat for all her stress and problems. Both my brother and I were. 

So I silenced myself and got shingles when I was 14. 

I endured the yelling and the temper fits. 

“I deserve to be punished” – that’s how I felt.

“I am the reason for all her problems and stress”

“I am a burden”

These were lies that were ingrained into me because of my upbringing. My mother was emotionally unstable. She probably didn’t talk to a therapist about how she felt. She was always blaming my dad. I heard things like “he’s evil, he’s a bad person”.

These were said to me-

“you’re an adult, get over it”

“you should just forgive and forget”

“You keep living in the past”

“Maybe you shouldn’t be so honest and blunt because it may push him away”

I realized that I shouldn’t be blamed for feeling how I feel. No one should throw bible verses at you to quiet and silence your emotions. It’s too easy to do that. That’s why a lot of Christians are emotionally immature. They allow people to step on them thinking that’s Christ-like, it’s being loving…but it’s not.

Love is SPEAKING UP FOR YOURSELF. LOVE IS RESPECTING YOURSELF. LOVE IS VALUING YOUR OPINIONS AND EMOTIONS! 

We have a soul, we have a spirit, we have emotions….the emotional part of ourselves is what is often not nurtured and taken care of because of emotionally immature parents. 

We were taught to-

“get over it”

“don’t cry”

“be positive”

These are blanket statements to shut people up. It keeps people in isolation and is a trap from the devil to dishonor and disrespect your heart. 

Love is communicating your truth and having someone say “I still love you”.

Love is being understood, even if that truth is not what you want to hear.

It’s okay to say-

“I don’t really understand your point of view, but I can agree to disagree”

“I understand we are different people and we have different ways of doing things, but how you do things is just as valuable as the way I do things”

Here’s what I learned-

  1. If someone does not have a relationship with you, they are just acquaintances….they don’t have a right to tell you what to do nor even give input into your life. They don’t know your heart.
  2. A true love friendship, relationship is a conversation, not a monologue or a tyranny of someone trying to control you and tell you what to do.

Remember, a relationship is a constant conversation, it’s communication. It has nothing to do with right or wrong. People who have shut down their emotions and heart often become religious because they don’t accept their emotions as valid.

Your emotions are valid. If you are hurt, it is valid. If you are angry, it is valid.

My dad never responds to my messages or calls but I realize…I can still express how I feel. I can send messages, I can record messages. I can still speak how I feel.

It’s not a relationship, no. But it says to my heart “my thoughts and emotions matter”.

Even if your parents passed away or if someone walked away from you, you can record a message or write a letter to tell them how you feel. That says to your heart “your opinion and emotions matter”. 

I just sent messages to a friend who cut me off and it felt good to release how I felt.

I am learning how to be in emotional mature friendships. It’s not always easy but telling the truth will set you free. 

Relationship isn’t telling someone what to do. 

Relationship is a conversation, it’s constant communication of how you feel. 

Relationship isn’t about being right or wrong but honoring someone’s heart and accepting where they are in their hearts without pushing them or forcing them to be somewhere they are not.

Relationship is accepting where they are, even if that’s a place of pain and hurt.

Sow a seed to this ministry-
Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien
Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Subscribe- https://rebekkalien.com/
https://instagram.com/rebekkalien
Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

Buy Merchandise- https://teespring.com/stores/rebekka

https://society6.com/shoprl

I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!

For coaching sessions- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Overcoming Abuse

92817111_10163444595145603_3847280920339939328_n.jpg

This is a young man I ministered to and bumped into again on the train. The Lord told me to go to the beach and this man was also going there, but he was going to a shelter to shower because he did not feel safe to go home to a military christian home where there were many rules. I asked if he ever talked to his parents about how he felt and he said no, usually he just isolates himself. I said that he was worthy of love and he thanked me. I find that many young people turn to drugs because they feel condemned and not enough because of their parents’ rules and regulations. They need to know they are loved and not condemned.

I told my mom yesterday….a relationship isn’t about rules but communicating how you feel. 

I was emotionally constipated for 4 days. It is rare for me not to cry everyday recently. Even when I pray sometimes I start crying.

But I couldn’t cry.

My mom was yelling at me and telling me I was crazy, she didn’t believe I was hearing God and she told me I needed to see a psychiatrist or a doctor.

I asked her “is this my water bottle?”

She said “how would I know? I never drink from water bottles!” She yelled. She starts yelling and I have no idea why. She’s probably stressed about something else but I have no idea what. She won’t talk about her emotions or feelings so I get the end of that.

I feel like the walking dead, I feel like a zombie. I don’t understand how a mother can be like that.

I feel dead inside, and suddenly I hear “I want to die”. I start casting out a spirit of death. I need to get out the house.

I get in the car and drive. I call my friend and ask her to encourage me. She says “God loves you, you are beautiful, people love you” and that’s when I break down in tears after 4 days. 

I felt unwanted, that’s why. Everything I did or didn’t do was wrong to my mom. I felt like I was not enough and wasn’t doing enough.

I remember “yes I’m doing enough and I am enough”.

I said through my tears “when she yells at me I feel unwanted and unloved”.

Again, I had a dream about a phone being lost or broken, it usually has to do with communication. So I wake up with this feeling in my heart.

God tells me to tell her how I feel and I do, but it’s met with the same response of blame or shame. 

She wants to hide from her emotions, she wants to run and not feel and the best way for her to do that is to stay busy. Yet her knees hurt.

So when will you stop running and just feel the emotions?

God loves you, He will never leave nor forsake you.

I grew up feeling blamed and shunned for problems that were not my own so I would people please or mommy please because I thought it was my fault that they were angry, not realizing it had nothing to do with me. 

It’s taken a long journey of learning to speak my mind even when it doesn’t feel safe.

You are safe with me, says God. 

Come to me and cast your cares on me. You are safe here with me. 

Sow a seed to this ministry-
Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien
Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Subscribe- https://rebekkalien.com/
https://instagram.com/rebekkalien
Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

Buy Merchandise- https://teespring.com/stores/rebekka

https://society6.com/shoprl

I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!

For coaching sessions- rebekkalien@gmail.com