When Serving Becomes Our Identity, Instead Simply Being a Child Of God

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I feel we are in a season of coming back to Jesus to get our self-worth, versus basing it on how we serve Him.

I just had a dream for my brother in Christ and I told him that he needed to slow down and spend time with Jesus and he said that I was right as he has traveled the last 2 months ministering to people, healing the sick, etc but that he was worn down and tired.

Sometimes in ministry we start to believe a few lies that I want to dismantle today-

Lie 1- Your identity comes from how many people you help.

Truth- Your identity comes from being a child of God, who God so loved that He sent His only child (Jesus) to be sacrificed for you.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1-2 

Lie 2- God will only bless you if you obey.

Truth – Jesus paid the price on the cross for your blessings. His work was perfect obedience to the Father and even if you don’t perfectly obey, He does not punish you for it. I want to reiterate that He wants us to live in freedom, not paranoia. Our hearts should only “do things” out of DESIRE, not duty. 

Obedience comes from the overflow of the knowledge that He loves you, not because IF YOU DON’T OBEY that He will take away what He wants to bless you with.

That is living under the law. When we live under the law of condemnation and punishment, working for our blessings, we will not receive it- why? Because it will always be conditioned on how much we serve and do, versus from the perfect knowledge that we are loved by God no matter what.

This reminds of the prodigal son story. The older brother worked in bitterness thinking he had to earn his father’s blessings versus the prodigal son who experienced God’s blessings by doing what he wanted to – then realizing that his ways were not working and ended up running back to his father. 

God wants to have a genuine relationship with you, not one that is forced or led by duty and obligation.

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

When Jesus said it is finished, it is finished.

Lie 3- You need to sacrifice yourself when you are a Christian

Truth- God wants you to know that you are worthy, you are worthy of love and a good life. 

People who constantly sacrifice themselves for others believe that they are not worthy unless they are bringing something to the table. I’ve met people who say they do a lot for others because they want to show others that they are worthy….but people shouldn’t love or bless you because of what you do for them but who you are.

You don’t owe anything to anyone. You paid by being born. 

You don’t tell a baby that “one day you will pay by buying me a house” (Asian parents). You are a gift from heaven and you are a delight.

You are worthy of love just because you exist. 

God has grand purposes and destinies for you but He wants you to live out of a deep place of intimate love with Him. He wants you to know you are loved beyond comprehension first and foremost. If we serve or help others out of any other agenda (such as to prove that we are worthy to receive His blessings), then we are not living out of true grace. 

I’m not sure at what point I started to believe that I just needed to do more on this journey, but towards the end I was starting to wane in my passion. I was not being fed in my heart. I realize that I need a lot of alone time and I wasn’t getting it. When you are constantly serving others their voices start to muffle your own thoughts and desires. I’m grateful for the revelations God has been giving me in these few days. 

I pray today God would break off the slavery mentality and orphan mentality that ties you to “obligation”. You need to know that He loves you to the moon and back.

And HIS PROMISES FOR YOU ARE YES AND AMEN! AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF TO HAVE WHAT YOU WANT AS HE ALREADY BECAME THE PERFECT SACRIFICE ON YOUR BEHALF.

May you live completely from a place of knowing you are LOVED by God, and that your life will be driven by LOVE not FEAR. His love for you is not dependent on what you do for Him, His love for you is complete and finished. He does not look at your “disobedience” as He does not see blemish in you- He only sees Jesus in you (who obeyed perfectly onto the cross). 

I pray for the ministers and servants out there that you will not be confused by the enemy who tries to tell you that your worth comes from how much you help or don’t help others. That is a form of condemnation and accusation! I break off the spirit of python that tries to choke the life out of your heart and dreams in Jesus name! I break off false responsibility in Jesus name!

Our lives should never be driven by “I SHOULD”- your life should be driven by “I WANT”.

Sow-

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Princess “Love” Diaries

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I wrote a lot today but after watching “Late Night”, I was even more inspired to write truthfully. Mindy has a way of inspiring me. She is not white, she is in fact ASIAN! It’s good to see a fellow Asian writing movies.

SO I named this blog post Princess Diaries because unlike the princess in many stories, I have been the prince in my own life for my whole life. Jesus was my prince sure, but I was very masculine growing up, I had to be my own bread winner, to support myself since I was very young. Even if I didn’t really want to, something inside of me said that I must “DO DO DO” and I never understood the laid back life. It was only until I understood grace that I learned to rest….but then God took me on a journey last year that seriously wore me out. I LOST all my strength and even my desires.

I AM A PRINCESS and I want to live like one. I don’t think that’s too much to ask for. What I mean is so many women have fought for rights and I get that, but for once I’d like someone to take care of me. I get that I’m a pioneer but I can’t go on any longer forging a new path, for once I like 100 people behind me saying “YOU CAN DO IT!”

I’m tired of praying in tongues trying to encourage myself is what I’m saying. I’m not alone. I have gathered women on my journey who have contended and prayed for me and I AM SO GRATEFUL.

But I’m asking God now “OKAY I’m ready for my prince!” Like the real life one.

I think sometimes singles look at married couple and think “how did he/she get that husband/wife, are they more qualified than I” as if it’s a job that you need to be qualified for…and when you’re following Jesus and you’ve sacrificed

You wonder “why did they find each other” when she didn’t really do anything as if husband/wives are like rewards you get for following Jesus.

And then when the life partner takes a freaken long time to come you think “what did I do wrong?”

Well good news- it’s not something you earn.

Because a life partner is a gift, like anything else good in this life, not something you earn by your works.

And my advice is, just don’t settle. Wait for the right person. Everyone has their own life story and no one has the same timeline. Sometimes when you’ve waited a long time for some of God’s promises to come to pass in your life, you feel forgotten…you think, what the hell God. Serious? 

Where did I get it wrong?

Did I waste too much time with my ex? DO I need to dye my hair? Cut my hair? DO I need to go on tinder like everyone else? Do I need to go on dates with people I’m only 10% interested in?

And my answer is….no.

You are enough.

I know it sounds so simple, but you’re not lacking anything and when you journey through life, YOUR LIFE PARTNER WILL COME. Period. 

Don’t wait for those “things” and “people” to come. LIVE YOUR BEST LIFE NOW.

A year ago when I was in LA, I watched over 70 movies in 7 months by myself (save 2 that I watched with a girl I met at the gym and 1 where I divinely sat next to her the whole movie….and at the end she called my name)- btw I had moviepass. LOL.

I LOVE movies and I want to write and direct them.

Here’s the thing, I didn’t wait for a date to watch these movies, I just followed my heart. Don’t ever wait for others to get it or to come along your adventures, most people are too slow and too scared to do it. 

It is coming- whatever you have dreamed of. Don’t give up hope just because you don’t see it now. I know that waiting seems indefinite but I always tell people, “well you are only single for the first part ish of your life” (for the youngans I’m talking to), then you are married for the rest of your life. So, what do you want to do now?

I want you to start dreaming again. I know many things died in your life- perhaps a dream, a person, a career….but what would it look like if your life was a phoenix rising up to the skies? 

I’ve only started dreaming again. I’ve had so many disappointments that I’ve stopped dreaming and even in the midst of ministry, I felt my heart was neglected somehow. I feel like this is the season to receive everything I’ve sown into others.

May the deaths in your vision resurrect. May your heart pound again and may you have butterflies again. May you laugh with excitement and jump up and down due to glee. May your eyes light up with hope and joy. May the flowers that you pass by in dark seasons become vivid yellows and blues. May your words and colors flow again. May you paint with renewed passion. May you conduct and produce all that the creator put in you. May you receive everything you’ve been yearning for. May you have people that you call home, who support you and create a safe place for your heart.

You won’t have to prove yourself in this season. 

It’s too tiring. No. This season, you won’t have to explain yourself. This season, it will be filled with ease. This season, you will receive an award for being you. This season you won’t pretend to be happy when you’re not and sad when you’re not. This season you will smile with authenticity and you will only allow the genuine ones into your life.

There was too much deception and manipulation in the last season, too many wolves in sheep skin, too many deceptive spirits and too many falls into dark caves.

This season you will soar and it will be easy. 

I declare this over you. It will be an easy season, where you will naturally reap everything Jesus paid for you to have. 

I readily submit myself to this plan. For now I have nothing to lose.

In Jesus name amen.

Journey with me on this path of recovering your heart and dreams friend- sow a seed: thank you!

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Where Is Home? Finding Stability in The Chaos

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I decided to write because I started sobbing. Why I was sobbing…Let me explain.

I just got back to LA but instead of the normal LA life, I found myself being called by God to minister everyday. I was pushed and forced out of my comfort zone (in LA). One day I was going 40 miles out on a bus, another day I’m traveling. I’ve been spending almost 4 hours on public transportation everyday. God has led me to the people He wanted me to relay messages to.

Like today I got to meet a father and son in the wee early morning. I felt so at home with them. My heart felt alive. 

The reason I was even going to Calabasas was because I saw an audition to be a rainbow hair model. I really want rainbow hair. However, I didn’t like the idea of waking up early but I felt that God wanted me to go.

So the night before I said “God if you want me to go, then wake me up”. I didn’t set an alarm.

At 4:30 am God woke me up with a revelation and I blogged about it (the previous post). At 5:30 am I decided to go back to sleep…however God said “wake up, go now!”

I was like “fine”. I took a bus around 6:15 am and when I got to Downtown I was at the bus stop when a man and his son asked me if the bus stopped there, I said yes. Immediately I felt a connection. God said to sit next to him so we talked the whole way. He showed me the book he wrote and published on amazon. He said he directed films and his son (8 years old) said he wanted to make money and he found an audition for him.

We happened to be going to the same studio.

Strangely, I said I started making money when I was 8 years old too, selling toys after school. I said usually the reason kids want to make money is because they feel insecure, like I did at the time. I saw my mother struggling and I wanted to help by being independent at a young age.

God has a strange way of connecting us to people with similar experiences. Then he told me how he drove a bus and sold t-shirts out of it, he traveled throughout the US. I prayed over him and said that in God’s eyes he is not lacking and that he needed to speak his truth without fear of what others thought of him. He told me how he was adopted but that aristocrats and celebrities always gravitate towards him because of his authenticity.

I really loved meeting them and enjoyed spending time with them.

After I arrived 2 hours early, I waited around for my audition. God kept telling me that I would be the only one and sure enough I was the only one that showed up for the audition. However, because of my hair length I was not picked.

I felt like a failure for some reason…maybe it was the way the lady asked for more photos of me saying “I need to see what you look like” while she was obviously standing in front of me…LIKE HELLO CAN’T YOU SEE WHAT I LOOK LIKE?

My mind raced- “she must be racist, she must not think I’m pretty enough, is it because of my growing lower chin, is it because I have no makeup on?”

I felt so depleted and disappointed…”I thought you said I would get picked!” I said to God. No answer. But deep down I knew that God was somehow protecting me. It was just an off-spirit about that place.

At first I sat in one place hoping she’d change her mind. I just really wanted rainbow hair. I don’t know why. Maybe rainbows represent promises fulfilled and maybe I felt like I hadn’t seen that many promises fulfilled. Sure I’ve ministered in 14 countries in the last year and have seen OTHER PEOPLES’ promises fulfilled, but for some reason I felt that I was STILL waiting for mine to be fulfilled. 

So I thought “I was the only one, I had no competition, yet I still didn’t get what I want?” That’s how I felt. The lady had to tell me “you’re free to go” before I could get myself up.

I went to the bathroom and started crying. 

I was disappointed. I was tired. It felt like my life, and I know it was the enemy of course...but I was just tired of being disappointed you know? Whether it came to a potential suitor not ending up being my future husband, the relationship not working out….or feeling like I had a home and then going back to LA and being accused by my mother instead of celebrated. 

My heart felt really tired.

Again? It felt.

Then I nodded off in the bus heading back to Downtown. I saw a lot of drunk people, high people on the bus. I smelled weed, I saw drunk people hitting on women. This is LA, but it felt foreign. “It’s gotten worse” I thought as I sat in the crowded Orange Line Bus to North Hollywood.

It occurred to me….”Hollywood is full of orphans looking for approval”. 

The guy with a guitar strapped to his heart in the bus.

A guy with golden chains around his neck while he spoke to his friend on the phone, “everyone who is anyone is out in Hollywood trying to make it”.

God said “well you are my daughter and you don’t need anyone’s approval”. That’s when God really set me free because a part of my heart was still hoping to make it in Hollywood (to share the light of Jesus). I thought I needed to appear in movies and tv shows to be influential but God was saying “I don’t need that, I don’t need a network, I don’t need a tv channel, I will do it my way through you”. 

You don’t need whoever you think you need.

I think that’s why people end up bowing down to people versus God. They think they need the job, the paycheck, the husband, the abuser, the relationship, the friend….but you don’t need anyone or anything but God. Because whoever you are codependent on usually begin to abuse or lord over you. That’s what I talked about in my last post, Sarah versus Hagar

So everything seemed to be piling up. In addition, after just coming back to LA, living a life of ministry on the road, I’m still doing ministry here. Then God says “it’s time to go” again. I leave LA June 24. I just follow His spirit everyday. My flesh is screaming, I don’t want to!!! I want to live a normal life!! But my spirit is like “YES, take me!” 

Because of the hardships and challenges I’ve gone through this year coming back actually feels like coming off the battlefield in the army.

I feel like a soldier coming back to civilian life, yet…still on the battlefield spiritually. I haven’t seen any of my friends yet….yet everything feels different. Recently I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night from music in the air. I don’t know where the music is coming from but maybe it’s spiritual music.

Maybe it’s music to awaken my heart.

So when my mom texts me and asks me where I’m moving to next, I say “I’m actually leaving the country again” and I start sobbing. I only got to see her for 3 days as she had to work out of town. We were able to reconcile and communicate on a better level – praise God.

Nothing feels stable but I know I must look to Jesus at all times. I can’t rely on my environment or people for stability, I must look at God alone. 

I don’t know why God chose me for this type of life – actually I do know- because I’m willing. I’m willing to overcome the fears that bind most people to a “stable life” -though the stable life is actually filled with fear that create stagnant hearts and lives. 

My friend said I’m like a piece of iron that God had to mold so that I can withstand anything. That’s great. Basically I’m like Iron Woman. How attractive, haha.

Just when I start to feel at home I have to leave. But that’s part of moving with God’s spirit. We must jump with Him and not linger. He has been telling me that every morning. Don’t linger, just go. We linger because we feel like we are not enough, we don’t have enough (money, clothes, abilities, friends, opportunities), we are not wearing the right clothes, etc….

But when God says “go”- you have to go!

That has been me for the last year. Feeling unprepared everyday but just going with God. He says “don’t prepare what you are going to say in front of the governors, when you get there I’ll speak through you”. In the same way, God wants us to be unprepared and to TRUST HIM to speak through us, work in THAT MOMENT. 

WE ARE OVER- PREPARERS! BUT WE PREPARE OUT OF OUR OWN LOGIC AND REASONING- Not God’s logic. You have read about the many times I didn’t have enough money for a hostel or something on the road and God gave me the specific instructions I needed in that moment. Or He asked me to ask someone for help and in actuality they needed a prophetic word or healing from God. 

The divine appointment was in my need. 

The divine appointment needed something from me as a messenger of God and I needed something materially. Jesus even said to the disciples, bring no money bag. That’s pretty crazy. I think most missionaries don’t live that way. But somehow I’ve experienced it and I do not wish it upon anyone…yet, now I have a lot less fears than before.

We don’t see God moving because we rely more on other things. We don’t give Him room to move when we’ve already filled the room with our own preparations. 

So how about you just jump?

It’s time to jump. 

Partner with me and see God move powerfully in your life. I ask you not to just give your money but your life to Jesus today! Thank you for giving! I pray God’s peace and joy over you in Jesus name!

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John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Ask Jesus into your heart, He wants a relationship with you. He died on the cross and rose again for your sins and when you receive Him He only sees Jesus in you, not your blemishes and faults.

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True Freedom

I had a dream I killed a rat.

The Lord told me to write this.

“These things are being taken figuratively: The women represent two covenants. One covenant is from Mount Sinai and bears children who are to be slaves: This is Hagar. Now Hagar stands for Mount Sinai in Arabia and corresponds to the present city of Jerusalem, because she is in slavery with her children. But the Jerusalem that is above is free, and she is our mother. For it is written:

“Be glad, barren woman,
    you who never bore a child;
shout for joy and cry aloud,
    you who were never in labor;
because more are the children of the desolate woman
    than of her who has a husband.

Now you, brothers and sisters, like Isaac, are children of promise. At that time the son born according to the flesh persecuted the son born by the power of the Spirit.It is the same now.  But what does Scripture say? “Get rid of the slave woman and her son, for the slave woman’s son will never share in the inheritance with the free woman’s son.” Therefore, brothers and sisters, we are not children of the slave woman, but of the free woman”

He said to me “write about freedom”. Recently I had a friend come to me and say that I don’t need to tell her prophetic words so often, that she wants to live in freedom.

It made me think about how I went through my own “freedom” of being promiscuous, needing alcohol, being broken.

When I started to prophesy over myself and allow others to do so – and then I believed what God said- I started to step into the freedom God had for me.

When Jesus said “sell everything and follow me” – it was a prophetic word.

A prophetic word is something that hasn’t happen on the earth but is already true in the spirit.

I could have said no but I trusted God. All my own ways of living only led to more pain, hangovers and regrets.

All my own strivings and attempts to find my life partner was resulting in degrading myself.

That is why yesterday God said it’s time to come out. And I posted the following.

To my surprise, all the comments were positive and a few women have started to message me about their secret of waiting or perhaps not waiting anymore.

I realized that was a part of my story that I still felt ashamed to tell because I was shamed for waiting. People told me I need to have experience to know who my husband is. People said “your standards are too high, you should just settle”.

But when your mother is Sarah (grace), you live in the covenant of relationship with God bought by the blood of Jesus. So what you believe God for, a prophetic word or promise- it will come to pass if you walk in it. In this case, for me it means trusting God and waiting for the right man instead of jumping on every guy that looks like Mr. Handsome.

When your mother is Hagar (the law and your own striving), you try to attain your promises by your own flesh. This means that you will try everything else but trusting God and being led by His spirit.

A lot of times I prophesy over people and it’s not what they want to hear.

Perhaps it’s a guy they are seeing, or a job.

And I think to myself “why do they need so many reminders?”

But me myself? It did take God awhile to get to me too. Like I said after I broke up with my ex in 2014 I went on a dating spree and only after meeting many men who only wanted to sleep with me, did I come to my end and said “God I give up, you do it”. These men only wanted an instant gratification, they did not desire to love me.

But somehow I still trusted God enough to say “God I’m going to wait for my husband to have sex”. Because I believe God for the right man.

And that’s Sarah and Abraham waiting for God’s promises. At one point when they were a hundred or so, they inherited a promise of Isaac which God supernaturally gave them.

When we strive to make things happen on our way, without God we step into slavery. Hagar’s child was a slave. Whatever we attain by the law, we become a slave to. Hagar and her son never shares in the inheritance of the free women.

Proverbs 10:22

The blessing of the Lord makes rich, and he adds no sorrow with it.

What God has shown me is true freedom means being free from shame, guilt, condemnation, fear.

So a prophetic word is always to bring you further into the freedom Jesus paid for you on the cross to have.

Yesterday I prophesied to a man that he is enough and he needs to go ask his estranged parents for help. He said he has spent a lot of time trying to find peace in his soul and I said “no you just need to do it even if they accuse you”.

God has told me to do things that I was not excited to do.

I sold everything to follow Him. I returned a leased car before the lease term was over. I knew my credit would go down but I needed to live for His kingdom and not my kingdom any longer. This means that I needed to be car- less and not live to pay for a car which did not give me the opportunity to minister to people on the streets or buses. I needed to trust that God would provide what I needed even if I didn’t have excellent credit.

And true to what He has told me, I haven’t needed a good credit at all. In fact, God has provided what I’ve needed without credit.

God told me to move back home. In actuality I was at my friend’s house and God said at 3pm you’ll know where you will stay. My mom has already offered to let me stay at her house. I started crying. Hell no I don’t want to move back home. But He understood so He didn’t make it explicit. He used this tactic so I had no other choice but to move home.

During the two years I stayed with my mom I reconciled with her. God knew that needed to happen for me to come into my blessings as well. I had never gotten allowance from my mother as I worked since I was 8 years old. It was the first time she gave me money.

I learned what grace and being a child of God actually meant in that time of rest! It’s not something I work for but something I receive just because I am God’s child.

God told me to break up with my ex. I needed a few confirmations and I got them. God knew I wouldn’t listen to one friend, but it was strangers I talked to that made me realize he wasn’t the one.

Yes we are stubborn people.

That stubbornness comes from us not trusting God. But when we come to the end of ourselves we start to see God’s intention for us is to be whole and healed.

Our brokenness prevents us from living the life God called us to.

So when I prophesy, you may not want to listen but it’s not me – it’s God saying “you deserve so much more than what you’ve settled for”.

Freedom is not continuing in a mediocre life or philandering with whoever we want, because it led me to more pain and tears. Freedom is being a child of God, knowing you are not an orphan and you have a father who guides and takes care of you.

The sheep knows her shepherd’s voice.

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Jesus Was Not A People Pleaser

Today I had a huge revelation.

I don’t realize this but at times I feel pressured to be something I’m not because some people use financial contribution to manipulate or force me to be something I’m not.

In the beginning of ministry, when I was in Bali- a Christian wrote me and asked me several questions. How much do you spend per month, how do you know it is God speaking to you, etc. He said by knowing these things he would be more knowledgeable about how he and his wife could support me.

At first I replied thinking, wow- this guy and his wife wants to support me and contribute to what I’m doing.

But then after he said that God told him to observe what I’m doing.

I doubt that God told him to micro manage me. When God says to people – watch and learn, He is not saying “micromanage her and find out the how’s”…He is saying “watch how she steps out in faith without knowing how”.

That is how I’ve lived in the last year and even before that.

After quitting my job in 2011 I never really knew how God would provide exactly since I was freelancing and even picking up bottles to recycle…

But I heard His voice and His voice would lead me continually into the unknown.

So when God tells you to give to my ministry, He wants you to be connected to a faith that continues to step out without knowing how.

I have many people trying to micromanage me or hoping that they know everything about anything, but the truth is – I don’t even know where I’m staying tomorrow but God just says go.

That’s how I live now.

I don’t have my ducks in a row, I just get on the bus.

Sometimes I don’t know how the charge went through on my debit card but days like this, because of the weekend, I’m amazed that a lot of pending charges haven’t gone through and I can use it freely.

I live in a dimension of life that most don’t understand.

Why would a Buddhist/atheist at a bus stop donate $100 after telling him my testimony? I don’t know. God moved His heart. He said he donates to homeless people and I asked if he would donate to me. He said yes of course, a woman on her own, it’s incredible he said.

Why would a cashier just tell me he never met his dad? To a customer like me? So that I could give him my contact info and most likely meet with him after…I told him that I didn’t see my dad for 10 years and that I understood.

People think by understanding everything I’m doing that I’ve qualified under their list of qualifications to receive their financial support, but I don’t need it.

Not if I’m going to be scrutinized and manipulated.

God’s provision and blessing does not need human qualifications. I’m qualified by Jesus’ blood alone and I don’t need to bend and break for peoples’ approval- Christians or non-Christians.

If I’m outcasted by the majority of Christians I’m okay with that. I’m approved if by God, not man.

Why would God use a young woman like me? Jesus’ blood qualified me, not my education or ordained position at a church. Not my title as a pastor or prophet, not my smarts or eloquent words…I’m qualified by Jesus’ sacrifice!

Nothing else. Not by how much I read the Bible or how much I pray, not by church attendance or how much I love people.

And what continues to gain my access and provision is my choice to believe it’s by His finished work and not by my works!

If you give you give because Jesus gave it to you, not because you feel obligated to. You’re free to do whatever you want!

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Chinese man at the Airbnb I stayed at

Prophetic Word- God Is Going To Fulfill Your Longing

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Proverbs 13:12

Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.

I feel like this age is a golden age. Last night I dreamed that people were wearing shimmering golden clothes. I felt like God was highlighting upgrades, promotions and new callings.

He is saying “PICK UP THAT DREAM AGAIN!”

You might be wondering- then why the heck did He tell me drop it in the first place.

You didn’t know your identity back then. You were striving. You lived out of an orphan mentality. As I’m writing this I can feel an ache in my heart. 

I’m also listening to Korean drama music because Korean dramas have a special place in my heart, it’s almost how my heart processes emotions. That moment when a 2 people finally kiss in a Korean drama is epic.

Because it’s that moment when you feel like “THEY FINALLY GOT WHAT THEY WANT!” Usually in the whole drama you’re fighting your own emotions, you’re crying and you’re yelling at the in-laws for trying to stop these 2 people from being together. There is usually an evil mother in law, or a grandpa who doesn’t want the couple to be happy. 

Usually these evil minded people have unfulfilled desires themselves and have lived in suffering much of their lives.

So you think- okay, seriously? So because you’ve suffered, I have to suffer to?

Which I realize is the case with me, I don’t have to suffer just because my parents suffered. I don’t have to suffer just because my relatives suffered.

I can have happiness.

I can have what I want.

So what is God calling me back to?

A place of resting from 10 months of ministry. I’ve hit my 10 months on May 14. I dropped everything, left my career ambitions to follow Jesus. It’s not that these ambitions were evil, but God just had a different season for me. He was asking me to walk in TRUST.

And trust I did. I went without knowing how I would survive, financially. I kept going even when I saw no way out. I prayed and prophesied over thousands of people. I gained the support and friendships of hundreds of people all over the world. I met Christian sisters and brothers, I called people into their destiny- some were called to be pastors, missionaries, actors, engineers, musicians, artists. 

I went to Taiwan, Korean, Japan, South Africa, China, Hong Kong, Thailand, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, Australia, New Zealand, Fiji, Samoa (14 countries total). 

I arrived in South Africa with $20 in my pocket and a credit card. When I didn’t know how I could go on God told me to come out with my story and purpose. I started fundraising. But somehow I would just have enough for what I needed. 

I was in Thailand, Bangkok going to Chiangmai and had a few bucks left when someone anonymous (who had been reading my blog) sent in $30. I was anxious that I wouldn’t survive but God provided again.

We are now friends and she said she felt compelled to send $30, which was the age Jesus started the ministry- and was also the age I started mine. Since then I’ve talked to her on Facetime and she is now courageously stepping into what God has called her to (I believe in YOU!). 

God is not calling everyone to sell everything and follow Him in the sense that I did. Your calling may be to be an artist and to be an influence in the art world. You may be called to write books.

This morning I woke up with downloads from God. He said “write this down”. He had recently told me to start a class called “the abundance of God”. He showed me abundance actually had nothing to do with money. I will be sharing more in the Facebook group. If you’d like to join, send $50 registration fee to https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien or https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

I’ve always known I’d be famous. I don’t say that in vanity.

I always saw myself in TV, in movies, speaking on stage, writing books, producing creative projects, being an entrepreneur, owning multiple businesses, maybe be a politician.

Because these 10 months God has put me through the fire. I’ve stayed in dorms with 8 other people or more, I’ve endured heat and cold. I’ve had flus and food poisoning. I’ve experienced more than you can imagine without the security of a paycheck or a backing of a church- but TRUSTING IN JESUS CHRIST ALONE! 

That’s what I mean by not living in the fear of lack or fear of not being enough. He’s taught me to ask for help, and to know my worth. He’s taught me to fight feelings of lack or to discern spirits in other people. I’ve prophesied over thousands of people and called people into their destiny. I’ve spoken no condemnation over those who feel ashamed or guilty, condemned.

It’s time to run after what you actually want. WHAT DO YOU WANT? 

GO AFTER IT!

Sow a seed-

 

 

You don’t have to suppress your desires anymore

I had a dream I was at my fashion design graduation and I had no idea what to design but an idea came for wearable art and before I knew it I was packing up my box. I also saw free champagne and cake. I asked for a glass but they couldn’t find one. Finally I found a hologram Colored one and poured a bunch of lime green colored champagne into my glass. I was surprised that I wanted to drink so much since I hadn’t drank in ages. The glass suddenly cracked and broke.

The Lord spoke to me when I woke up. He said that most people drown out their desires by watching television or drinking, or shopping, eating, sex, etc.

It’s instant gratification.

When we’ve been in seasons of waiting or prolonged delay, we feel that it’s God’s heart to deprive us of things. We start believing we need to suffer to earn God’s blessings.

And when we do receive it we don’t believe we deserve it or that God will take it away.

I went through years of being stripped away of everything. Because those things were places of slavery. I was a slave to what my friends thought of me, what my mom thought of me. I was a slave to my rent and my car bills. I was a slave to societal standards.

When Jesus said “sell everything and follow me” He didn’t mean that He would never bless me and that He wanted me to live like a beggar. He simply meant “if you give everything up, I shall give you true power. You will no longer be a slave to society and you will no longer define yourself by what you have”. However because I will no longer be a slave to the blessings, God will pour out His blessings because He knows as freely as I received as freely I will give.

So all of it is a season of testing.

The more you are able to release, the more He will bless you. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true. He won’t give you above what you can handle.

He wants us to live without fear and following Jesus has helped me to overcome fears I didn’t think I have.

Things God freed me from:

A fear of men and what they think of me- approaching strangers to pray for them. I experience tons of negative reactions. But the more I’m rejected the more I seek refuge in being a daughter of God.

A fear of lack- sometimes not knowing how I’ll eat or pay for accommodation but trusting God and following His instructions to get the provisions I need instead of figuring it out on my own.

A fear of death- knowing that God has my back and His angels are watching over me.

God said to me “you deserve to have what you want, you deserve to be happy”.

“But Lord I suffered so much loss, how can I have what I want?”

“What is it you want?”

“A family. A sense of connectedness with friends and family. Restoration of my family. I want to come out from under the weight of pain and live freely from the past. I don’t just want to help other fulfill their dreams, I want to see my own fulfilled. I want to write tv shows, direct films, design clothes, write books, speak to people on stages, I want to help others through my own dreams.

I want to have the energy to dance again, to run again. I want to experience vitality in my body. It’s been such a long and hard process. I’ve helped thousands of people but I want it for myself too. I want my own family.”

What are your desires? God wants to fulfill them.

You May have been a long and difficult wilderness of delayed desires but God wants to give you what you want. You might be asking why you had to go through all of that but He is saying “now you can contain it- what true power looks like”.

You can not contain God’s power without being a vessel emptied of fear, shame, self hate, condemnation and guilt.

You were a slave; now you are free.

Only a free man/woman can love without manipulating the family God brings to him/her.

Only a free man/woman can have riches and not be a slave to it.

Only a person who knows they are children of God can have worldly success and not allow the fame and worldly power get to his/her head.

Only a person who has gone through the fire can he/she resist the temptations that the next level presents to him/her.

God built you in the fire because otherwise you’d be knocked down by the devil right when God brings your husband, the money, or the family.

God knows the devil will try to destroy your reputation when the fame comes. He knows you couldn’t withstand the accusations back then, but now you know who you are in Christ Jesus. He knew you were ashamed to be called Christian back then, but now you only preach Jesus crucified and resurrected.

The devil could have wiped you out with one accusation from your family, you would’ve been talking about it for one month, maybe a year.

But now you know who you are in Christ Jesus. You know not to get caught up in the devil’s trap. You won’t allow your mouth to speak negatively.

Back then, the devil brought good looking men/women to you and it was easy to sidetrack you. You were easily seduced by flattery and a sign of wealth but now you know a wolf from a true sheep and follower of Jesus.

I’ve met enough wolves to know what a true man of God looks like now!

One look, one sentence, I can tell what a man’s heart is after!

A man after God’s heart may not have luxury cars but they have a heart that will follow God at all costs.

Back then you were so broken you spent your whole paycheck on binge drinking. Now you’ve learned to sow into God’s kingdom and to treat yourself well without needing to hurt your body.

Now you know you are worthy because Jesus paid the price for the blessings so I decree and declare –

You will have what you want! Because your number one delight will always be Jesus Christ!

You will never leave your first love even if the blessings come!

So I prophesy all the things you want rain down! The family, the friends, the finances, success in your business, etc.

This time you will not leave Jesus out.

“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you”.

I gave everything up to follow Jesus and in return, He has brought incredible kingdom minded friends. People sowed and continue to sow into this kingdom work of bringing Jesus to the nations. Even though it has been really difficult at times, I know in my weakness His strength is made perfect.

These times strengthen my faith.

God is a good Father and even when we don’t understand it, His desire is to bring us to a wholeness that can contain what He desires for us.

A broken vessel allows the fragrance of Jesus to seep through to others.

You need to be broken to have a genuine love for people. I love homeless people on another level because I understand how it feels to go without. I love the hurting because I know how it feels to hurt. I love the wounded because I’ve been wounded.

God is calling us out of the past and into the new season.

Will you grab His hand and walk forward? The new door is open for you! Don’t look back anymore!

The fire and wilderness trained you to see the real from the fake. I’ve battled spirits of witchcraft, accusation and intimidation. I can spot a guilt trip from a mile away. I can sense danger and an angry spirit. I know when to engage and when to walk away.

I know when someone’s ready for help or when they are sent by the devil to distract me!! I know what false responsibility feels and looks like!

I know how much to help someone and when I need to set boundaries. I’ve trained my whole life! Ever since I was born into a broken home, ever since I saw divorce in my family, a mother who became unforgiving and bitter, I know what holding onto a grudge results in!

I know I used to carry false responsibilities thinking they were mine to carry! I know my worth now!

I know what the religious spirit and obligation looks like! I know what guilt feels like! I know the difference between “should” and “want”! God wants us to live in want! Not should’s!

I’ve been set free from the bondage of religion and into true sonship with Jesus, an intimate relationship not based on works but grace!

Partner with Rebekka-

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