I heard the Lord say “write it now”. It’s 7:51am here in Auckland.
More than anything, I want a family. I love babies and have been seeing a lot of babies lately. Because of what I didn’t grow up with- a wholesome family with two parents, I desire what I didn’t have.
As I was thinking about this, I felt heartsick. Not only have I been waiting for my husband, I’ve been waiting for sexual intimacy.
I’m a 31 virgin.
Sure I am not a prude and know more about sexual foreplay than most people who have sex – being honest and blunt here because people have a misunderstanding about “virgins”. And I understand my women parts more than most. And yes this is super honest, I know how to climax without intercourse. I’ve had my share of experience and yes I’ve dated men.
I knew how to masturbate at a young age. It involved a floor and my pelvis. Our women parts are intricate but not complicated. However why at a young age I learned to do it? I was lonely and my parents were not home most of the time so it filled a void in my heart.
Our sexual desires always reflects our hearts’ longings for emotional intimacy.
Why did I choose to wait to have sex until marriage?
Of course they taught this at church, but more than anything I wanted to save my heart for my husband.
Because as years went by I saw how broken hearted my friends were after a one night stand.
I had guys tell me “why would I call her again, I already slept with her” as if it was a movie he watched already or a bucket list item.
If we are honest here, any type of physical contact marks our hearts and causes a bond.
I don’t save myself out of guilt or condemnation because there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.
I have waited this long because I know I’m worthy of love, not just lust or physical attraction. I respect myself too much to give into a physical desire.
And women are actually moved by words, affirmation more than anything. An intimate and supportive emotional connection turns a women on more than touch. She is wired for emotional connection. She is wired by a sense of security, a man who cherishes and loves her and opens his own heart to her.
A woman desires a man to be vulnerable, open, communicative.
So as I put my story out here, I want to encourage all those who are waiting. Even if you’ve decided to be celibate until marriage, it’s worth the wait.
Any man who will in an instant sleep with you doesn’t respect you.
A man who truly loves you will wait, and not only for you, but for his own heart.
What I’ve found is that men will stop respecting you when they know they can get your in pants instantaneously but they will somehow have an emotional attachment to you when they know you’re not “easy”.
And if you didn’t wait, that’s okay.
All things are new in Christ Jesus. He does not condemn anyone. He loves you.
But you are worth more than a physical release – which to be honest, is often what sex is for some guys. They’ve shut their hearts down so much, they think one physical release can satisfy their shut down hearts. It’s like all this pent up emotions they can’t seem to express with words.
I know this is an intensely personal post but I pray it may bring some relief to your heart.
God loves you and wants the best for you.
You deserve the best.
I am by far perfect. One of my top love language is touch so you can imagine my struggle. But I know God’s best is out there for me and I’m meeting him soon.
I wanted to add that in order to live out God’s best for you you must receive Jesus into your heart. When you know Jesus died on the cross for you and you are no longer an orphan, the Holy Spirit dwells within you and causes you to transform from the inside out.
He will supernaturally heal your heart, take you away from bad habits and harmful desires. It’s all Him, not self discipline! His grace changes everything!
The more you understand grace, the more your life will improve!
Today if you haven’t received Jesus into your heart ask Jesus to enter your heart, trust that He has taken all your sins and mistakes on the cross and you are free now, a child of God, uncondemned!
Has this blog post encouraged you? Has my ministry empowered you? Consider sowing a seed and partnering with me to bring light to this world and the souls in it!
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