Destroying The Pressure To Perform

Things you should know about me: 

  1.  I love to go to the Abbey, it is a gay club, and I have many friends there. I’ve had a lot of Christians ask me why I would go to a gay club. The reasons are: I love the people there, I love the people there, I love dancing, I love dancing, and I love dancing with the people I love. I love music. I love fashion. 
  2. I have smoked weed before but I do not smoke it anymore. I had a bad experience eating a weed cake in Amsterdam.
  3. I have a heart for the LGBT community because I understand the pain of being rejected.
  4. I have stopped pretending and stopped being “polite” because I say what’s on my mind most of the time now. I’m not going to pretend to be nice or kind when I’m mad now. I will be mad. I’m not going to pretend to be something I’m not anymore. SO ADIOS TO THE OLD ME! 
  5. My birthday is February 11 – financial gifts and donations are welcome! (I need a new phone)

Give a gift to this ministry, thank you!

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Cashapp-gugibabu

Monthly Partnership- https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my…

 

Prophetic Word- True Rest

A lot of people are not resting in me. They are striving and running around like chicken with their heads cut off, they are trying to get more, do more, be more, they are trying to iron the fat off their bodies, they are punishing themselves and eating less, eating foods that are not yummy, they are punishing themselves for having fat, blemishes on their faces, they are altering their faces with surgery, they are buying more trying to look cooler…

so many of my sons and daughters are not resting in me.

I wish they would see that if they’ll accept they are enough in me, that my Son Jesus has already taken on every blemish, fat, excess, not enough on the cross, sins, insecurities, mistakes, that they’d see I am so enough and they have been made perfect in my eyes.

I wish they would just surrender their getting, doing and just be.

Oh to flow and rest in my grace, in my spirit, there is water there, so much refreshment and life.

Oh to flow in my Spirit means everything is provided for, there is no fighting or striving, only rest. That rest doesn’t mean not doing anything, but flowing in ease, flowing in love, not fear. 

I keep wanting peoples’ hearts but they keep trying to perform for me, showing me, going ‘look daddy, look what I did!’ but they are running on a hamster wheel, exasperated.

I’m telling you ‘come sit and enjoy a meal with me’ and the table is layed out and there is much provision for those that will flow with me. You are saving for tomorrow, but you are living today in fear. So many of you are not trusting me for provision. You are saving for a rainy day not knowing that I am the provider. 

I am grieved because the table is so abundant with fullness but you are afraid of not having enough, because you are not sitting at my table, you are running to everything else but me.

Come feast with me, the life with me is full of fun and enjoyment. It is not filled with fear. It is bold and filled with laughter. It is filled with authenticity and raw love.

Come feast with me. Anything is possible. Come feast on the possibilities. We will have adventures no one will suspect, it will be our secret, some public, some a secret. We will hold hands and climb mountains, meet people, set people free, but it is all enjoyable, nothing a chore. 

I never called you to carry backpacks of false responsibility. If it’s not yours, don’t carry it. Move on, lay it down. Trust me to take care of them, whoever they are.

I am so good, and it’s so fun to walk with me!”

Partner with me today. Thank you! 

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!MY TESTIMONY- https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

Another way to support is to purchase a shirt. I think I’ve launched this 4 times already. It failed like 4 times. But again, perseverance. Click here to purchase shirts, sweatshirts, t-shirts, tanks in different sizes.

Prophetic Word- Confront The Fear

I woke up this morning feeling really paralyzed, I haven’t washed my hair for 2 days (a rare occasion), my period is coming and I realize I needed help to overcome the fear of punishment/condemnation. There was a situation that I needed to confront with my mother. I find that God uses money the most for me to confront fears. For example, asking her for money. Because that is the biggest source of worry and condemnation in her life.

We struggled with money growing up and God has sent me to live with her to help her break off the spirit and fear of lack. I had always grown up very independent but I never knew my worth as a child. I was ashamed to ask for help and prided myself in being independent.

Prophetic Word- DO THE ACTION THAT WILL CONFRONT THE FEAR 

We ask God to upgrade or promote us, but that means there are more opportunities for the public to criticize you. God will never give you more than what you can handle. Is it easy? HELL NO.
IT’S really hard.

And a big part of me wants to run and hide.

And I do, sometimes. I run and hide and I don’t want to put myself out there to be hurt or judged.

The more we can go to God to mend our wounds, the quicker we can get healed and walk forward.

When we submit to FEAR instead of listening to GOD, AS HARD AS IT IS IN THE MOMENT, we stagnate our progress.

We SO want to be in control, we want to be in a safe place emotionally, ALL THE TIME. We want to be in control of peoples’ reactions, but we can’t control them.

I pray all the time PROTECT MY HEART. But I still get hurt, I get wounded and I don’t want to get up. I want to hide.

“I’m RIGHT HERE” says the Lord.

He never left you nor forsook you.

I’m a safe place, says the Lord.

Today I pray the LORD BREAK OFF THE SPIRIT OF FEAR IN JESUS NAME. The vision I saw was a picture of me in a royal robe, a dress, I am royalty. You are royalty, nothing will phase you. You are deserving and worthy.

Knowing this, Ask God to Go with you to do the ACTION to confront the fear..

+ God may be asking you to confront a person
+ He may be asking you to step out of your comfort zone
Whatever it is, know that God is with you.
#bexprophetic

What is your BIGGEST FEAR? 

Telling people how you actually feel? Asking for help? Emotional, financial or spiritual help? Performing? Marketing yourself? Asking for a raise? Fundraising?

Please feel free to comment below. 

Partner with me today. Consider sowing $50, $100, $200, $500 or more today, thank you!

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!MY TESTIMONY- https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

Another way to support is to purchase a shirt. I think I’ve launched this 4 times already. It failed like 4 times. But again, perseverance. Click here to purchase shirts, sweatshirts, t-shirts, tanks in different sizes.

It's so easy to stay small, to stay in our comfort zone, to do what is familiar. But flowing in the wave of the holy spirit means stepping out into the unfamiliar. YES you might hate it at times, but God will always (1)

I have not gone into everything with boldness, I’ve gone into most things feeling the FEAR, feeling the apprehension, but God eases me and says “I’ve got you”. Fear is fake, fear is a skeleton that flaps his hands, he can do no harm.

UPDATE! IN THE LAST HOUR.

My Provision Testimony – 

So I had been worrying about finances as sometimes I’m afraid to move forward or go out as I don’t see a way (in the dream I was telling a friend that there was a deficit I had to pay off from last year) and then God gave me a dream where I was opening books (different books and each one had cash inside) and there was Taiwanese money inside one book, but I had left it somewhere.

In the dream the water in the pool became a slide. The water rose up and went down. And people were sliding down into this safe place.

And then this morning someone who lives in Taiwan sowed a seed. It was the exact amount I saw in the dream.

LOL.
Jesus.

So I don’t know what you are going through, God may not provide everything you need for a month, but He may provide what you need for the day.

Don’t live in fear because you don’t see a way for a few days, if He has given you enough for today, move forward in courage and live your life flowing with the Holy Spirit.

Billete-de-1000-dólares-de-Taiwán-1000-TWD.jpg

A Real Conversation with God About Pain

Lake & Mountain.png

To Listen to the Blog post 

I hear you talk, and I know your voice but I don’t seem to know what I feel or what I’m thinking.

This needs to be fixed. I felt like a mute kid, that kid playing under the table. I stopped speaking because I lost my heart to betrayals and heartbreaks.

What’s the point of speaking if I’ll be dismissed. 

I saw this in my relationship with my dad, I spoke my mind but he disappeared, for a few days without telling me.

He disappeared for 10 years, then every time I visited another 3 went back.

I saw this pattern in my life, people disappearing. 

But you never did, did you God?

God – no. I never will.

Me- But why does it feel like you are silent when I need you to speak, and why do you speak when I want you to be silent?

God- Because I can’t be controlled and I don’t need to give you directions all the time, you can trust your heart.

Me- I’m not sure if I trust my heart because it obviously gets trampled when I throw my pearls to people. I try to guard my heart the best I can, but I still get ravaged.

God- Your heart is in the palm of my hands and I love you to the earth and back. You are my beloved and I will never let you go, I will never neglect you.

Me- But why does it feel like you are neglecting me right now. Why is everything so hard? Like pins and needles in my heart?

God- Come to me and I will give you rest. You don’t have to be afraid of me.

Me- It’s easier to fix the external things then to just submit myself to the process. The pain is too much to bear. Yesterday I felt like a wrecking ball. Like the song.

God- This pain isn’t forever, this pain is a passing thing. It doesn’t belong to you. Let it out and cry if you have to, cry and let the pain through. Don’t stop the pain. Let it pass through you. 

Me- I want to be in control, to make things happen, but I know that’s not what I need. I need to just let the pain through but pain is uncontrollable, it comes out when you least expect it. Like when I was eating at a restaurant with hundreds of people around me, I can feel their eyes staring. I am embarrassed and horrified. So I let a few trickles out. My mother is accusing me of being useless, she makes me feel like I am a burden.

God- you are a gift from heaven to earth. You are a gift my dear, not a burden. You are my precious queen.

Me- The words sting so much I can’t seem to hear anything else.

God- Then saturate your soul with my words. Any words that align with my heart, listen to that, hear that, speak that.

Me- Why do I have to keep doing damage control? Why can’t I just leave? Move out already? Why don’t you make a way?

God- Because I am doing something new, I need to solidify identity in your soul and spirit. So the battle seems hotter, heated, tougher, but you will get out of it golden. Don’t run from the battle, run straight into my arms. You are safe here, the words are just flies. The words are lies, it hurts but they are lies. They aren’t true.

I will never leave nor forsake you. Lift up your head, your not what those words are dear. I will never drop you, I’m not a deadbeat dad.

Me- Am I really safe with you?

God- yes. Beyond safe. Let the pain through, don’t stop or clog it. Don’t distract yourself with doing. Don’t try to fix the external, don’t try to run away, don’t try to figure out your life.

Sit with me in the fire. Sit and let me extinguish the fire, let the water of the Spirit wash you. Because my love is enough, don’t be afraid. My love is enough for you. Don’t go looking for it anywhere else, my love is enough.

Come to me all who are weary. I know nothing LOOKS right, nothing feels right, but I am here with you in the fire. Look into my eyes, don’t look away. Look into my gaze, because this love is enough. 

Love, Rebekka

Fundraising has been super slow this season, so if YOU’D BE ABLE TO GIVE THIS SEASON, know that God will multiply your seed. Anything helps! I can use all the help I can get. Thank you!

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Monthly Partnership-

https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!

MY TESTIMONY- https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/

Would you like to receive my exclusive email newsletter? You’d be a VIP of my club. If so, please comment with your email below or when you give to links above, include your email address. You’ll receive personal zines from me.

You can also reach me at rebekkalien@gmail.com (please no spam, just send me love letters and words of encouragements, and if you can relate to anything in my posts, I’d love to hear from you).

man-wearing-white-long-sleeved-dress-shirt-holding-2035871

 

Really Vulnerable Confession To My Dad

TRIGGER WARNING-

There is A LOT OF CRYING in this video. Why am I making this public? Because I believe SOMEONE needs to watch it. If someone can have a revelation or can come out of emotional hiding because of my vulnerability, then I’ve done my job. I love you guys.

This is a really vulnerable confession to my dad about how I feel. When I was 8 years old my mom and dad divorced and I did not see my dad for 10 years. I immigrated to America when I was 8 years old with my mother. After the 10 years I see him every 3 plus years and every time it’s like connecting with an emotionally unavailable human being that doesn’t tell his truth or disappears physically for a few days without telling me where he is.

I received Jesus when I was 12 but have had a lot of unhealed parts of my heart. I am 31 years now and God is still healing me from an absent father, abandonment issues and feeling unwanted/rejected.

I’ve been visiting the abbey, which is a gay club. The Lord has told me He has given me West Hollywood as a spiritual territory. I used to tell people even though I’m straight, I feel like a gay guy. I felt a connection with them but I couldn’t explain it until recently. I understand the pain of being rejected for being different. Of course not everyone of them lack a father figure, but I believe there are deep roots of feeling rejected.

I see hundreds of gay guys there and the first word I hear is “rejection”. I love them with a pain in my heart, because I know many of them are longing for acceptance and love from a father figure. God loves you dearly, unconditionally.

Sow a Seed (make a donation)- thank you and blessings towards you.

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

How To Heal From A Broken Heart

woman-sitting-on-rock-doing-heart-hand-gesture-1399034.jpg

You can get a broken heart from many things, failed friendships, relationships, being hurt by words people speak towards you, etc…ministry, etc.

We may try to but…

  1. Don’t avoid the feelings, go through the pain of healing.

Now it’s very easy to shut down your heart completely so here are ways I’ve found helps me.

a. Watch movies that are emotional or funny or just watch movies you feel led to watch.

b. Go do something fun to alleviate the pain in your heart

c. Talk about it with someone

d. Do things you like.

e. Rest

When we have a broken heart we feel like God is depriving us from what we want, so it’s easy to start having a really skewed mindset of your life. You feel like you’ll never get what you want or the pain is separating you from everything you want in life.

You start thinking with your head and not your heart. You start trying to figure your life out and you think of the best way to avoid any type of pain. You will think of the fastest way to get home and you’ll want to stay home.

And it’s OKAY!

Do what your heart is leading you to do.

I realize there were times I tried to force myself to be outgoing or I’d force myself to do hard things.

However, there were also times that my heart actually wanted to meet new people, go out, follow God but I was afraid of taking risks and chances. I was afraid that if I asked someone to pray for them, they’d snap and yell at me (again). I was afraid that if I continued fundraising, that people would say no or judge me (again). I was afraid that my mother would yell at me if I told her the truth (again).

I’ve seen that when my heart is healing from rejection or judgement, God will somehow send the right people on my path to heal my heart. He will send kind people who respond to my kindness, He’ll send a little surprise to say “hey I’m here”.

I felt my heart shut down when I had to cut some guy out of my life. I knew he wasn’t my future husband and I knew he wasn’t exactly what I wanted anyway, but it still hurt to cut him off. It’s like you are talking to someone and suddenly you can’t relay your heart to that person anymore, you can’t give or receive love from that person. Communication is completely dropped.

Then when I left Taiwan a few months ago, communication completely stopped with my dad too. He basically stopped talking to me. This happened many times in my life. Whenever I’d connect with him emotionally in Taiwan, I’d leave, and then it’s like I suddenly don’t exist anymore.

When people stop talking to you, you feel like your heart is undernourished but I am grateful God sent friends to speak to my heart.

Yesterday I felt like dancing and left the house at midnight.

I met a bunch of people this time. There was a small short guy, he had a baby face and I thought he was so cute. He told me he was bi. I was dancing with him and his friends and suddenly he backed off. He said that he had a boyfriend. I said that I wasn’t trying to hit on him, I just thought he was cute as I repeatedly said to him. I was showing admiration.

But he got scared, he said he felt awkward about it.

Maybe it triggered something in him.

I asked “then can I pretend you’re gay?” and dance with you? Sounds strange right? But he was basically scared that he would start liking me and have a change of affection.

But I was thinking about last night and I thought to myself “why am I attracted to a 23 year old guy who is bi?”

He had the same name as my dad. Weird.

I thought about it. I am often attracted to man who have baby faces, who are younger, and who are not “manly”. 

I thought about it. I think it’s because I don’t feel intimidated by them. I feel safer with them and I feel like they won’t try to control me. 

Perhaps it’s also because I feel like it won’t last.

Now, perhaps that’s just my state of mind right now. I know younger men aren’t ready to settle and my sub conscious mind still has a fear of settling down, finding my life partner.

It sounds weird but I’m scared to meet a man who actually wants to get married. I’m still scared of a man who knows how to take responsibility and treat me right.

I think maybe because I don’t know if I can handle it. Because I’ve never encountered it, not in my life anyway.

Most of the men I met were irresponsible or thought mostly of themselves. They had a lot of issues, were addicts to something, or had a victim mindset. 

I’m not sure if I’m ready to take care of anyone else.

In a strange way I think of bisexuals are non-commitals. They’re scared to commit to anything, that’s not a judgement but maybe a prophetic way of saying I’m not truly ready for marriage. I’m still learning to love me.

I’m still working out what I want in a man and I actually am starting to enjoy being single again. 

Do you ever get scared when someone treats you right?

Why?

Sow a Seed (make a donation)- thank you and blessings towards you. 

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

 

What To Do When You Feel Rejected By Your Parents

woman-in-blue-denim-jacket-indoors-800703.jpg

“I feel like I can’t come home”- I said.

“Why?”- my mom said.

“It’s because you give me a look like I did something wrong, and then you accuse me”.

I spent many days out all day until night time.

I felt like a homeless prophet.

When I went to Korea, I realize I actually really wanted to go home but I felt like a burden. I called my friend and told her.

Everyone I met in Korea felt sort of estranged, and needed to be comforted. I ministered to young people who felt orphaned and estranged, homeless. One girl wanted to go back to Eastern Europe but whenever she went home, her mother would yell at her. The pain is too real. She decided to get a one year visa to work in Korea. 

So I felt like I couldn’t face the pain. God started to tell me to tell my mother the truth. The truth being…simple things like I don’t like it when you wash vegetables in the sink, without a bowl because I get really grossed out and can’t eat the food.

I used to just let things go but I realize I wasn’t being honest with her about things.

God’s been telling me to go out to eat a lot and a part of my mind will think in lack, but God would say “follow your heart”. My mom would yell at me for eating out, she’d tell me it was unhealthy and a waste of money.

For some reason I met a lot of nice strangers outside of home. 

If I didn’t listen to God, I’d probably be living on my own. I lived on my own for a few years and then God told me to move back home. 

When I was living alone I felt like an orphan, I was isolated and often sat drinking a beer with a microwave plate. I binge watched netflix and felt emotionally constipated. I had a boyfriend for a while but he wasn’t Christian so God eventually told me to break up with him. I felt like I was undeserving of any financial help and my mother was never the type I would tell my emotions to. 

I had freedom to do whatever I wanted, but again, I had an orphan mentality. 

Essentially I lived like an orphan and I felt like I had no parents. My dad had been well out of the picture and he lived in Taiwan.

But my heart was longing for home. I found comfort in God….and then God told me to move back home. For awhile my mother started giving me money and it was the first time I got money from her. I felt ashamed.

I was in my late twenties.

Then the guilt trip started coming.

“You’re almost 30, you should have a goal in life”.

“You should be ashamed of yourself”.

I mean there’s hundreds of accusations that came. Most of it was because she didn’t understand my ministry and she didn’t understand why God would tell me to rest, she wanted to see tangible results of my life.

If God didn’t tell me to get a job, I wasn’t going to get one and go outside of HIS PLANS to prove my mother wrong.

I’m a prophet who sets people free from condemnation, but here I was getting condemned by my own mother. That is why I have the anointing to break off the spirit of lack, because it’s a daily thing with me. 

My goal is always to follow Jesus’ voice first and foremost, not to please my mother, or anyone else. 

But she wouldn’t understand that, not right now anyway.

And a lot of people wouldn’t understand that.

The feeling of being misunderstood, accused and rejected is real though. Sure, she is a Christian, but her life is practical, pragmatic, logical.

In 2015 I moved back to my mother’s house. Then in 2018 God told me to go overseas and minister, relying on Him to provide for me. Since then I’ve helped thousands of people break free from shame and condemnation and understand their identity.

Yet, the enemy did not waiver in trying to attack me with accusations.

In late 2019 God sent me home and I thought God would allow me to move out right away, but no, He didn’t.

That’s where it started to hurt, the accusations started coming again.

No matter how much I tried to explain how I’m helping people, how I have these dreams, how I prophesy or even explain how Jesus can heal her, it’s like speaking to deaf ears. 

I realize, again, a prophet is not welcome in her own home.

And that it’s not my job to convince her. And I need to be okay with that. I need to know from the bottom of my heart how much I am loved by God. But I need to be okay with the fact that she may never understand.

And it’s not my job to convince her, it’s God’s job to heal her heart.

I was eating tacos by the street when a man pushed a baby cart appeared…it was a 6 month old baby, she was so cute.

I heard God say “I want you, I’ve always wanted you and you are not unwanted. You are precious to me”.

I don’t know who you are but I want you to know that-

You are precious. You are special. You are loved by God. He died on the cross for your sins and thought of you on that day. He is your loving Father, He is your provider and protector.

“I love you so much. You are not forgotten, you are the apple of my eyes”.

I tried really hard to tell my mother how I feel, but she immediately shuts down, she doesn’t want to talk about emotions. Maybe because it hurts too much.

I don’t really know how to talk about emotions with her either, but I’m trying.

Last of all-

You are enough in God’s eyes.

And if you need to cry, let it out, feel the pain, for God will comfort you.

If we define our identity by anything we can accomplish, it’s not grace.

Grace says you are a child of God because of Jesus’ sacrifice, not of our own works.

I would like to sow a gift-
https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien
https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

Thank you for your support and love.