You Are Enough – The Message of The Cross

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I realized this morning that I’m scared of happiness. I’m scared to be happy.

All my life I lived in the shadows of a broken home and unworthiness seemed to follow me wherever I went.

I started to see my worth when I understood grace, a finished work that required no work of my own but that Jesus finished the work for me.

Yet when I see a happy couple or family, my heart is doubtful.

I want to find flaws and I want to know they’ve struggled, I want to see brokenness, I want to know I’m not the only one who has struggled or is struggling.

At the same time I don’t want my pessimism to touch them, to infect their happiness.

I just heard the Lord say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.

I deserve happiness and I deserve to be loved. I deserve to have.

I am worthy. I am worthy. I am worthy.

Growing up I felt like God owed me a great deal for the way I grew up. I was always fighting to survive. There was always a conflict, a struggle, a battle and I often felt restless.

I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, unable to feel like myself in this world.

Just receive, sometimes it’s easier to give than to receive. Because to receive you must believe you are worthy of it. 

But when you feel unworthy, you’ll refuse the help.

Sometimes we’re afraid to give because we’re afraid we will lack or not have enough.

Both comes from a fear of lack.

But in Christ we are whole and not lacking and only in loving can we understand grace, that it is all sufficient and not lacking.

Your worth isn’t in how you grew up, what situation or circumstance you are in now. Your worth is in being a child of God, knowing Jesus died for you to make you whole.

They don’t have more than you do- the ones you think have more financially, relationally, etc.

You have everything you need to do what you need to do.

My friend told me she felt depressed as she is unmarried, broke and traveling but the truth is she has everything that she needs- Jesus.

Even though I’m living in a beautiful house, I am a beautiful house.

I am the beautiful car, I am the delicious food, I am a happily married couple.

I am everything that I could ever want.

That is wholeness…realizing you are enough and you are not lacking.

You might be divorced, without income, childless, unmarried, but you are not less than those with a happy family.

God died for you in whatever circumstance you’re in and he made you pure as snow, whole, not lacking. 

He filled every imperfection, discrepancy, every hole, every feeling of lack and said you are complete.

You are not complete when you have more, you are not complete when your bills are paid, you are not complete when you get married, you are not complete when your kids are grown, you are not complete when you’re disease free- you are complete and whole NOW because of the BLOOD OF JESUS.

The danger in accruing blessings is that we start to think our worth is based on what we have when the truth is our worth comes from the finished work of Jesus.

You are blessed when your parents disapprove or approve of you.

You are blessed when you are in need or not in need.

You are blessed with or without a husband/wife.

You are blessed whether you are in the greatest or worst shape of your life.

You are blessed whether you have debt or not.

You are blessed because of the blood of Jesus. In the Spirit al is finished. That is our true identity as Kings and Queens.

We need to see people for who they really are. We call and prophesy people into who they really are- not by taking pity.

Even if you never preach like TD Jakes- you are whole and enough.

Even if your ministry never becomes as big as Hillsong, you are enough.

Even if no one knows or recognizes you for your service to God and people,  you are enough.

Even if you don’t write a book, you are enough.

Even if you are a backstage person and the lime light never shines on you, you are enough.

Even if no church affirms or approves of what God put on the inside of you, you are enough.

God will use the unexpected people to show His power because it’s not by might or flesh, but by the power of the Spirit. So if you are young or old, you feel like a failure, you feel like your life has fallen apart and you feel ashamed of your past- know that God’s power is most mighty in the ones who have no power of their own, no ability of their own. We have to get back to being a child of God, being unable on our own, being fully reliant on Jesus our savior. 

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. 

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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The People Pleaser & The Master Manipulator, Finding Wholeness in a World That Lacks Love

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Today we will talk about two types of people:

  1. The people pleaser- always playing in line with what others want, in fear of judgement, rejection, feelings of shame, and feelings of unworthiness.
  2. Master manipulator- angry at what life didn’t give them, manipulating others to get what they want

Both operate from a spirit of lack.

This post may hit at the target at everything you’ve ever felt in your whole life.

I have been both but for much of my life I was a people pleaser. My mother often “made me” feel guilty or ashamed to be alive. My dad was supposedly cheating on my mother when she was pregnant with me so I often felt like I was paying penance with my life, subjugated to simply do what she wanted me to so that she wouldn’t feel so bad about herself.

I wonder how many of us feel this way? That we aren’t worthy to even be alive.

It wasn’t my fault.

The same spirit that accused and blamed me my whole life, even using my mom’s anger towards herself and her life circumstances accused me this week.

An airbnb owner (who happens to be pregnant) accused me of asking for too much when I asked for a quiet house on several occasions. Apparently the housemate was offended. Here I was thinking that we were all becoming friends when in actuality, they were talking behind my back.

She came home, exploding. She said I was selfish for expecting everyone to cater towards my need. I said “you opened an airbnb business, it was your choice, and I’m simply being honest”.

I knew that this was all the devil trying to accuse me.

I felt guilty when the owner stopped talking to me. When I said hi the other day she didn’t even look at me.

I felt my shoulders tighten.

Then it hit me. My mom does that when she is mad at me. She doesn’t acknowledge my existence as a way to punish me. I wonder if that’s connected with her blaming me for her pain, her pain of feeling abandoned by my dad, her pain of feeling neglected, unloved.

It’s not my fault though.

Finally, it’s not my fault. It’s not my fault. And it’s not your fault, however your parents punish you for their own feelings of unworthiness. 

I kept hearing God say “it’s not your fault. You didn’t do anything wrong, you were simply being honest and speaking up for your needs”. 

The owner’s accusation was a way to make me feel guilty for speaking up and wanting what I wanted.

Perhaps that is why most people stop asking for what they want or need- because they have a fear that people will reject, shame, judge or condemn them for their desires or opinions.

I felt a sense of responsibility to right the wrong- but I didn’t do anything wrong, I was only speaking my mind and truth.

Shame and guilt shuts people up.

Shame causes people to be silent. 

I realized that this wasn’t about me, it was about the owner. She was too stressed, working full time, managing an airbnb (her own house), pregnant.

Was it that I was being selfish or that she just wasn’t loving herself enough?

People who call others selfish usually don’t love themselves enough and aren’t “selfish” enough. They live out of a spirit of lack and often expect others to compensate for the lack of love they feel. 

In actuality, no one is responsible to love you. It’s your responsibility to love yourself first, to allow God to love you and then to speak up for what it is you need and want. Sure, in a relationship, in family, people do love you, but they do it out of what they are capable of doing. Most people don’t have ENOUGH love to give because they don’t realize they are enough in Christ Jesus.

People can only love you to the capacity they love themselves. If they “love” you above what they can give themselves, they are “sacrificing” themselves at the cost of loving you. And there is then a deficit. a shortage. When there is a shortage, people often feel bitter about the love they give you.

In truth, all of what I described is not love at all, it’s actually based out of fear. 

People sacrifice themselves at the cost of loving themselves because they fear that you will essentially LEAVE or reject them if they don’t sacrifice themselves.

But there is no fear in love because perfect love casts out fear.

So what would it look like to live in love? 

  1. Speaking up for how I actually feel, need and want without fear of judgement or rejection.
  2. There is no need for “sacrifice”, just love.
  3. Sure there may be compromises, but not compromises that are based out of fear.

The owner told me that it is in Malaysian culture to sacrifice to the point that they can’t take it anymore. But when I talked to two male Malaysians, they said “no, I don’t believe that” so I wonder if it’s mostly just with women….this theme of sacrifice.

I don’t need to sacrifice because Jesus became the ultimate sacrifice on the cross.

Sure, I have left everything to follow Jesus to share the love of Christ with people, but in truth, it’s not a sacrifice because I am following my heart and what truly gives me fulfillment. 

My heart is full when I love people, and when I allow others that I meet to love me. But I ultimately go to God.

God does not call us to sacrifice, he says come to me with a broken and contrite heart, this I will not despise. He doesn’t call us to be strong, He calls us to lay ourselves at His feet at all times. 

I found myself fighting this battle of shame and guilt through words and prayer.

“I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus”. 

We battle with not enough, we battle with feelings of shame, guilt, condemnation- but in Christ, we are enough and we are righteous.

When you know you are enough in Christ Jesus, you’ll love with an open heart, one that is pure and without manipulation, guilt, witchcraft, control or a need to sacrifice.

When we sacrifice, we live out of a belief that there is lack, that somewhere God won’t fill the void if we don’t personally fill it. 

But in Christ, there is no lack. There is only an abundance of love. So if we are not able, say so. Christ is more than enough. God does not need us to be strong. God wants us to be weak and for Him to be strong for us.

Sow a seed- Your giving makes changing lives possible as I minister to and share the gospel of grace to people around the world! There is an ongoing need to fulfill the mandate the Lord has put on my life. Join me as I change and save lives! 

Thank you! 

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Breaking Off The Orphan Mindset

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Since the age of 5 I was often home alone, I learned to kill bees on my own as a kid. I felt alone many times as my mom was often at work and I did not grow up with my dad. But in the many years of learning to be independent I learned to rely on God. I felt that I needed to be financially independent as I didn’t want to be a burden on my single mother.

However, I was living out of an orphan mindset. 

I was trusting God for provision however I was limiting Him by not knowing how to ask for help or believing that I was worthy of it.

There were many times on this trip I had to verbally ask for help. For example, asking to carpool or for a ride from a stranger because I had no sim card or way of getting home. So many times our phones actually become our emotional crutch but on this trip I’ve learned to open my heart. 

Recently I watched a movie called “More Than Blue”, it’s a Taiwanese movie about 2 orphans. One whose parents and family died in a car crash, and another whose mom abandoned him. What happens when 2 orphans come together? Codependency.

Here are symptoms of an orphan mindset:

  1. You feel like you have to rely on yourself (and God) and no one else.
  2. You feel like people cannot be trusted.
  3. You feel like love must be earned, and that people will only love you if you are good to them. This results in you putting on a mask or pretending to be happy all the time.
  4. You suppress and stuff your emotions or how you really feel because you’re scared of rejection and that others will stop liking or loving you because of you telling your truth.
  5. You’re ashamed of asking for help, you don’t believe you are worthy of it.
  6. You believe it’s easier to be alone and as a result you don’t know how to share you heart with people.
  7. You carry severe woundedness and feelings of rejection because of past experiences.
  8. You handle pain on your own, you feel that vulnerability is a sign of weakness.

ONE HUGE SIGN of an orphan mindset is that you CONDITION your behavior around those you are around (your behavior depends on who is around you at any given moment). God wants us to come into an alignment in our being to feel the freedom to be who we are without changing no matter who is around us. Most of us don’t feel safe to be who we really are because most people are not safe to be around (to be honest).

What happens when we find stability in our identity in Christ? And we find people who we can be honest with? Powerful authenticity.

There has been a number of movies recently about orphans, Instant Family for example.

Not to ruin the movie or anything (don’t read it if you’re going to watch it)- but they don’t tell each other how they really feel until the man is about to die. And then they lie and coerce each other to do what they want thinking it’s what will make them happy. For example, the guy says “you should get married to someone nice” when in truth he actually loves her…however because he is about to die he fears that she cannot handle the loneliness. He also does not tell her that he is sick.

In truth, she knows he is sick and is handling the pain on her own (orphan mindset). In the end, she married a guy just to make the man he loves happy, then leaves her husband to be by her lover’s side because she didn’t follow her heart to begin with.

Anyways even though I cried my eyes out, I thought to myself “this is really F#$% up”…how dare she use an innocent guy just to fulfill her lover’s wish.

So then, he dies and then she swallows some pills and kills herself.

While I was crying a bunch, God’s like “that’s not love”. I’m like okay I know, but the world seems to romanticize it. It seems romantic to die by your lover’s side.

In truth, the whole relationship started out with an orphan mindset. They felt abandoned and alone and instead of healing together, they basically became an orphan couple.

The girl could have lived a happy life without him if she had Jesus.

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A child of God Mindset: 

  1. Knows that in your weakness, God is strong. It’s powerful to be vulnerable and say how you really feel. You know that the ones who love you will still love you no matter what you say. 
  2. The Lord is your shepherd, you lack nothing. You are enough in Christ Jesus, you are not lacking. Your worth doesn’t come from what you do for others but who you are in Christ.
  3. You have a healthy understanding of building trust, that it takes time, but that your trust is not in people but in God. You understand that people are imperfect and people make mistakes and you understand that forgiveness is important to go on.
  4. You can ask for what you need or want without feeling guilt about it because you know you are worthy in Christ Jesus.
  5. You know that love is honest, not fake and you’re willing to be honest and show your true self. You understand that you heart is also not to be shared with just anyone. You understand your worth.
  6. You can share your pain with others who can be trusted. You know that it’s okay to share your vulnerabilities because it is the beginning of relationship.
  7. Your stability is in your identity of being a child of God, not in what you do or achieve, but in the unconditional love of Jesus.

It took me a long time to put my guard down and trust people, to learn to ask for help. The first time I asked my mom for help I was sobbing because I felt so ashamed. All my life, I was independent and could do everything on my own but it was the beginning of learning to be a child of God.

You don’t receive what you don’t believe you deserve. You receive in life what you believe you deserve. 

So when you live out of an orphan mindset, you don’t believe God can freely give you anything so you work for it, you strive for it, you perform for it.

But when you realize you are a child of God, you learn to rest and receive it knowing Jesus paid the price for it. 

Example-

The prodigal son did not work for His Father’s love and acceptance, in fact he actually wasted his inheritance but received Grace from His Father, it was undeserved. This is grace, undeserved, unearned.

The elder son on the other hand worked for His Father out of obligation and felt bitter when the Father provided the best for His undeserving son. This is living under the law, working for God’s love.

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Prophetic Word: I AM MAKING ALL THINGS NEW!

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If you have ignored every single post…THIS IS THE ONE YOU WANT TO READ.

“I AM MAKING ALL THINGS NEW- says the Lord. 

I am making all things new!!
I am turning your mourning into laughing!
I am turning your grief into joy!
LETTING GO of the old might seem difficult BUT OH the JOY of the new!

No one can FATHOM what GOD has in store for you! NO ONE! It is SO GOOD!! He is such a good good father, HE is smiling just thinking about how HAPPY YOU will be when HE unveils the surprises (I am literally tearing up).

You will literally weep in joy when you see the NEW life God has for you! You will be SO GLAD you didn’t settle! You will be SO GLAD you trusted God when things looked foggy. You will be SO GLAD you took the road less taken.
You Will Be So GLAD you chose to submit to the PROCESS of sonship versus the easy path of the world. 
You will rejoice ‘thank you father for never leaving nor forsaking me!'”

God is about to reveal HIS sons and daughters on this earth. He is positioning and aligning people RIGHT NOW via relocations, movements and travels. He is going to put you in the right place at the right time and NO one can take CREDIT for it!!

“YOU who have been hidden in the wilderness, YOU who I specifically PUT away in holding IS NOW being served to the world as a REMINDER of my glory ON this earth. PEOPLE will STAND IN AWE of WHO YOU ARE. YOU will carry a presence of JESUS that they have NEVER SEEN! NEVER!!!!! They have never seen a Christ follower that LOVES LIKE YOU LOVE. You will not have the religious spirit, you are SO counter culture. You will carry the true essence and aroma of being a son/daughter of God. THEY HAVEN’T SEEN ANYONE LIKE YOU. You are BOLD like a lion.”

Whew I can just sense the heaviness of what is going to happen.

“I KNOW it will take everything for you to give up the past, to let go of what was and to following my SPIRIT. BUT DO. Because WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU IS GREATER THAN ANYTHING YOU CAN CONJURE UP FOR YOURSELF, I AM THIS GOOD. I WANT TO SHOW OFF HOW GOOD I AM. I AM a generous, abundant, never-cease-to-amaze type of God. I am not your average Joe, I am your personal savior and Father!”

It’s Meant To Be Impossible For You, it’s ONLY POSSIBLE WITH GOD.

Hey everyone,

This season has been super heavy with expectation and birthing.

I woke up from a dream where I moved to a new house, but it was in New York, it was cold….I took a picture and when I did I noticed a man dressed like Santa Clause who was sitting camouflaged to the environment. He was just chilling. In the dream, I walked into the new house that had nothing in it and I wondered how my mom bought it with no money.

When I woke up, I felt the Lord speaking to me:

“It’s MEANT TO BE IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU but POSSIBLE FOR GOD”.

THERE ARE MAJOR DECISIONS, PROMISES BEING MANIFESTED IN THIS HOUR that HAS GOTTEN YOU FEELING WEARY AND TIRED….but it’s BECAUSE many of us are trying to make it happen with our own human strivings, flesh, strategies. 

“So he said to me, ‘This is the word of the LORD to Zerubbabel: ‘Not by might nor by power, but by my Spirit,’ says the LORD Almighty.” Zechariah 4:6 

“I NEED YOU TO COME TO THE END OF YOURSELF SO THAT YOU WOULD RELY ON ME ALONE FOR THE finances, the resources, the people, the way, the strategy. STOP LOOKING AT WHAT YOU DON’T HAVE (the talent, the skill, the opportunities, the money, the friends)- LOOK AT WHO I AM, someone who gives freely and can DO ALL THINGS FOR YOU”. 

I will be glorified through your testimony of HOW I’ll part the seas for you. 

Watch this video and share this post/video with your friends:

 

The Fire of Refinement

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This morning I confronted someone about the way she was talking to me.

I said it hurts me and makes me feel like she doesn’t love me. Basically when someone is mean to me, I cope by being positive and trying to recite truth and all that.

But I felt like God was saying “I want the real you, I want you to feel the emotions and not ignore them or try to be positive”. Stand up and fight this battle. 

And then I burst out crying.

It was like emotional hell, my heart couldn’t take it anymore. I was being verbally abused but I had just become numb…since it’s my mom, I thought “I just have to deal with it”.

As you know, in many Asian families emotions like sadness are a sign of weakness. We do not talk about vulnerable things like “it hurts me when you say this”.

Instead, anger is okay for some reason. Like you can be sad and just show it by yelling. Like it doesn’t make sense at all.

Then she replied “do you have depression or something?”

I turned my head and rolled my eyes….this is retarded.

At least I did my part. No apologies from her end. But it’s okay, I don’t feel like I’m dying anymore. 

I don’t feel like my heart is swallowing itself anymore. 

It’s easy to exit, escape and walk away. It’s easy to move and just not talk to that person, but I feel like in this season God wants us to face those emotional battles. 

A lot of people end up alone in life because they don’t want to face the hard emotional battles that come with love.

Love is NOT easy. 

Love is well, longsuffering. Love is patient, love is kind, love is….well 1 Corinthians 13:4

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 This season God is refining me…and perhaps you.
  1. the process of removing impurities or unwanted elements from a substance.
    IF God is love then HE IS making me MORE LIKE HIM. God is removing anything in me that is not love. This means, I must also confront the people and things in my life that is NOT treating me with love. And I must Forgive.
    Because Forgiveness will loosen my heart from the grips of the devil. 
    Love and forgiveness are fierce. They are the evidence of Christ in someone’s life. Someone who is able to forgive when they have been fiercely wronged….that is not weakness, that is FIERCE. 

    Jesus loves me with a fierce love and He is teaching me how to be this fierce love. How do I continue to love someone who constantly hurts me?

Forgiveness.

And sometimes space to recuperate and cry. And boundaries.

I pray God will give you the wisdom and strength to love, confront, to overcome hurt in your relationships.

It’s Time To Leap

God is breaking off disappointments that are preventing you from believing the best is to come.

As you can see I mention that I was very hurt and bruised from rejection and accusations from people. God had me in hiding for awhile as I healed from those deep wounds, this is often called the wilderness season. 

REJECTION, HURT AND DISAPPOINTMENT often causes you TO SECOND GUESS YOURSELF….like “maybe I shouldn’t have drank milk tea today” (aka me today because I totally got heart palpitations and I’ve quit caffeine for a year now) or “maybe I shouldn’t have wasted 2 years of my life with my ex-boyfriend” (aka many people I know, plus me)….BUT I FEEL LIKE EVERY SINGLE EXPERIENCE WE HAVE teaches us WHAT WE WANT and DON’T WANT. 

None of our experiences are wasted. Even when we keep going back to our old ways, we will eventually see we don’t want the old thing. God is gentle enough to guide us in our stubbornness.

You haven’t got what you want because you keep saying YES to the old thing. It’s time to say no to what we don’t want so we can say yes to what we truly want. 

That is why God is breaking off cycles that keep us in bondage.

That’s besides the point.

The point is NOW IS THE TIME TO LEAP, TO REALIZE IT’S NOT YOUR FAULT that you got hurt. Life hurts sometimes, but since none of us are perfect, we tend to hurt each other, sometimes unintentionally. 

And also in whatever state of wisdom we were in, we tend to make decisions based on what we know.

And that’s just that, where we were back then. 

But now, you don’t have to second guess yourself anymore.

God has your back, and even if you get hurt again, isn’t that part of life, to feel both pain and joy? 

God doesn’t want us to live in a box, safely….God wants us to be able to dig into life with our whole heart. 

As SPONTANEOUS as my life seems, I’m actually a very orderly person. I like to sleep between the hours of 10pm-11pm. I do NOT like to stay up late and I do not like alarms. I wake up naturally.

But in this season I wonder why I need to reserve my energy so much? Was it fear that had me sleeping so on time all the time? Fear that I wouldn’t have enough energy? Fear that I wouldn’t be enough?

In Christ all things are possible.

We don’t have to play it safe anymore. We can dig into life and know that Jesus is sufficient for us, that we don’t need to have some kind of “savings account for our heart”. 

Life, energy, provision, joy, hope, health never runs out in Jesus.

We can be sure to lean on God and know that He will supply where we lack, because He already paid for our insufficiency. In His eyes, your account has an over payment, forever and forevermore. 

Don’t be afraid to step out and take the leap, to make “mistakes” because in God’s eyes there are no mistakes, only steps into more miracles.

Prayers (say out loud): 

  1. Forgiveness towards self– “Dear God, today I forgive myself for allowing myself to get hurt. It wasn’t my intention and it traumatized me so much I was not able to move forward. Please break off any disappointments in my heart and remind me that You are a good God, that what you have for me is the best and that you will never leave nor forsake me. Thank you for forgiving me first so I can forgive myself. In Jesus name Amen.”
  2. Prayer of Courage– “Dear God, thank you for releasing me from the past. Today I release anything that isn’t for my highest good, this includes disappointment, bitterness, offense, anger, hurt, people who I know I don’t want to associate with anymore, etc. I break off the spirit of foreboding and pray that you plant in my heart a new joy, a new song, a new hope. I now boldly walk forward because I know you are with me. I am enough in Christ Jesus. In Jesus name, amen.”
    It's Time To Leap.