How To Overcome The Fear Of People and Lack

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Here are examples overcoming the fear of people:

  1. You’re getting a massage and the pressure is not enough or it’s too much- you’re afraid to speak up and you don’t. The opposite spirit is to boldly say what you need.

Here are real life examples I’ve gone through-

  • One time I was getting a massage at an airport and the ac was blowing on my head so I was really cold. I asked to move and they said no. I asked several times until they allowed me to move. The whole room was staring at me, I could feel their thoughts. But no, I was not going to back down. The staff was probably talking crap about me, but no I was not comfortable and needed to OVERCOME the spirit of fear in that room.
  • I was in San Francisco and my neighbors were really loud, had the tv blasting so I talked to the receptionist and HE WAS AFRAID to confront the tenants so I went to each door to ask them to be quiet but some of them got really angry and started yelling. The spirit of fear CAME AGAINST ME where I was afraid to KNOCK ON PEOPLE’S DOORS BUT I DID IT because there was no way I could sleep. 
  • I was in New Zealand at a staff dorm room and one guy was really hot, I don’t know why, it was super cold at that time. I kept closing the door and finally he screamed at me and started cussing. I walked out of that room and started crying. God gave me a way out and the next day I left that hostel before my work term was over since I was there to work in trade for accommodation. I told the boss that it was a TOXIC WORK ENVIRONMENT.
  • One time I went to a Thai restaurant and the food was way too sweet. God said “ask to exchange it” so I did. The lady got really mad. Again, it was too sweet the second time so I spoke up. Again she got mad. I was courteous and polite but also firm. I came against that spirit of intimidation by SPEAKING MY MIND in love.

I HAVE THOUSANDS OF STORIES, some WAY MORE INTENSE THAN OTHERS.

What I’ve learned IS THAT I CANNOT BE AFRAID TO SPEAK MY MIND. NOT IN A MEAN WAY BUT IN A WAY THAT SAYS NO, I need to get what I want because WHAT PEOPLE THINK WILL ALWAYS TRY TO COME AGAINST YOU. 

YOU KNOW IT’S FEAR WHEN:

  1. You feel immobilized
  2. You feel suffocated
  3. You feel like you are holding back
  4. You feel like you can’t breathe
  5. You can’t speak

I BREAK OFF THE SPIRIT OF FEAR.

THE ONLY WAY TO BREAK OFF FEAR IS TO DO! DO WHAT GOD TELLS YOU! 

This morning the Lord had me give to someone then ask them to sow whatever amount back, they did. But then I heard God say do it again.

It might seem strange to some people but once I did it, I felt fear and the fear of lack (not being enough and also fear of what people think) BREAK OFF IN THAT INSTANT.

WHAT GOD CALLS YOU TO DO MAY BE STRANGE AND CRAZY BUT WHEN YOU DO IT YOU WILL BE FEARLESS! 

You know what people who MOVE TO THE NEXT LEVEL HAVE – at each level they are called to live in LESS FEAR OF PEOPLE. It’s THE CRAZY ONES that have no fear of men that actually live to their fullest potential.

Today I’m asking you to give to this ministry and be part of a FEARLESS GENERATION THAT WON’T LIVE IN FEAR BUT IN THE BOLDNESS AND FREEDOM OF Jesus Christ!

Thank you for your support and love!

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True Freedom Is Knowing You Can’t Be Punished For Living In Freedom

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IF YOU READ ANY POSTS< READ THIS ONE! Because it will set you free from decision paralysis and fear of living and making mistakes!!!! GOD WANTS YOU TO BE FREE!

I had a deep revelation today.

So with my mom whenever I talk to her she questions  me. “Why are you going to Korea?” I said, “mom, I do ministry, I follow Jesus and I pastor and prophesy”.

“Whose going to believe you are a pastor, you need schooling”.

……….

That’s where I usually stop but yesterday I say “okay forget about what I do, I’m just following Jesus”.

I’m not sure if she’ll ever believe me. 

Like James in the bible, who said “hey that’s my brother, he is not the Messiah, how can he be? I’ve seen his diapers and I’ve seen him poo in it! He can’t be chosen! He’s human like me, he grew up in an ordinary home, how can he have any special powers to heal?” 

I’ve often lost my voice in my relationship with my mom. My train of thought was always “okay she won’t believe me so what is the point of saying anything”. Then I just listened, and kept silent. Even when I tried to say anything or prove myself, it was a dead end and made me feel exhausted. It came from a spirit of lack (feeling like I wasn’t enough). 

So I realized yesterday after hanging out with a new friend that I felt exhausted and strained.

I felt strained and strife because I felt like I was mostly listening to things I didn’t care for. I don’t know how to describe it, but are there things you just don’t care about it? It’s not that you hate that person or you don’t care for them, but take for example “video games”….if someone keeps talking about it and you don’t like video games isn’t it boring for you? 

It’s not because you are an apathetic or mean person, but there are just topics that turn you off and make you totally shut down because you don’t function that way.

I’m a heart person and I like to hear about “how people feel” not what they know.

So in my head I thought “I’m bored”.

But I didn’t know why, I think I was forcing myself to be interested. 

So this is a HUGE revelation.

Because with my mom I used to listen to her rant about her friends or people that have hurt her and I’d just totally shut off. I didn’t talk back before but in recent years I’ve learned to say “hey I don’t want to hear about it”. I’m not a trash can that you can dump on. At first she got offended but then she learned to turn it off.

So I often felt drained in relationships because I didn’t know how to set boundaries.

I felt that I should “love” people by listening to them so I was totally neglected while I continued listening and never voicing my own opinions and problems. I felt sidelined and stepped on. I didn’t know how to voice my needs.

And I also attracted friends that didn’t know how to open up so I often had to pursue friendships instead of having a healthy balance of “hey my voice matters and so does yours” friends that reached out to me. 

Here’s another revelation-

You don’t need to listen or help anyone to be valuable or worthy.

You are worthy because Jesus loves you.

I’ve been trying to help my mom my whole life, living under the weight of her problems and her heartache, reacting to her instead of living for what I wanted. That’s why when Jesus told me to leave everything and follow Him, it was a huge shock to my mother. Well I had already moved out when I was 22, but then Jesus told me to move back at 28. So I stayed there for 2 years and restored my relationship with her, semi- restored.

He wanted me to be firm in my righteousness in Christ Jesus. 

But now I’m in a new phase in my life.

“Because you’ve been accused of and yelled at for making mistakes you now rather sit and not make any decisions because at least you won’t get punished for making the wrong decisions”.

WOW- I just told this to my friend in a phone conversation.

A big part of my life was defined by ministry and how much I helped others or my mom, but now God was also asking me “what is it that you want?”

I told my friend “more than ever I just want to have a family”.

I know how to enjoy myself, I know how to get massages and buy clothes, to spend time alone, I’m not afraid to be alone- I quite enjoy it, but I want my heart and soul to be loved by a man who is willing to open his heart up to me. So what I long for with my husband is relational intimacy.

I want to be loved for who I am and not what I can do for someone. 

That’s why recently I find spiritual talks very draining. When people are trying to figure God out or trying to figure out spirits and demons.

Because I want to be known for my simple self, like as a human being, not a prophet or a really wise spiritual person. 

I don’t want someone to ask me what God is saying. Ask God for yourself. Everyone can hear God if they ask. I believe God is asking us to take personal responsibility for our desires.

So instead of asking God “what should I do?” He is saying “what do you want to do?” Some of you will be petrified of the outcome because you fear that if you make a decision and you don’t like it that you’ll be stuck with it, or that you’ll ruin your life. And God’s like “no you won’t ruin your life, just change course if you don’t like the decision you made”.

It’s like DATING. You don’t have to stick with a guy if you don’t like him after one date. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t have to feel responsible for his feelings, God will take care of him. 

You have to do what you want to do. You won’t ruin your life with one decision. Keep making decisions in freedom. Life is an adventure. You can walk away from any decision you don’t like. It’s a play, it’s a video game, it’s a game, not a test! 

An introduction to my simple self-

Hi my name is Rebekka.

I like music. I like Korean music, Korean dramas, I like dancing, but haven’t danced for a long time. I like parties and I like food. I like hot pot, I like Starbucks. I like Boba. I like waking up without an alarm. I like enjoying life but recently I’ve felt like I’m defining myself by how much I can help others and I want to stop thinking that way.

I like to talk about relationships. I like talking about dating because it is heart stuff, not head stuff. I love hearing about dates gone wrong and I like to talk about silly things. Because relationships have to do with heart stuff, not head knowledge. It’s about experience, not just thoughts. 

Sometimes we get so caught up in our thoughts we stop living. 

So for once will you just stop thinking and do it? Not fearing the outcome and not foreboding the results but thinking of life as a really big adventure full of joys and pains? We get disappointed because we put so much expectations on one thing to bring us joy or happiness but God has always wanted you to put joy and expectation on Him, not the “things that we do”.

This life is about trusting Him and jumping time after time after time. And saying “oh cool what’s that, I want to do that. I want to go to Starbucks and get a Frappucino. I feel like watching a movie, I feel like going into that store, I feel like going to Africa, I feel like writing” and then just doing it without thinking “oh there has to be a really intense purpose for why I’m going to Starbucks” or “ok cool I made a new friend online, I’m going to meet her” instead of thinking “oh what if we don’t get along, or what if she doesn’t like me”.

That was me, I felt like God is there a divine appointment here? I felt like there had to be a divine appointment anywhere I went. So imagine my paranoia. But God’s like “no, you can enjoy life without searching for a reason to be wherever you are”.

If you want to paint, paint.

Life is about taking risks everyday and riding the beautiful waves that is life. 

Which reminds me, I want to go to the beach. I totally forgot that I like the beach. And if there are divine appointments, and there probably will be, then so be it. But I’m not defined by whether I help someone or not. Often times these appointments help me understand new things too.

What does it mean to flow with the holy spirit. It’s to not have fear and to just go do what you want, because following what you want is following the holy spirit. 

You’ve got to take personal responsibility for what makes you want. You can’t always expect others to go with you. You need to discover what makes you happy.

Trusting that God is your protector and provider, He will provide the way if you step out in faith. Will you trust Him with your heart and follow your heart?

One of my desires is to date again, but here are all the thoughts I go through. Well, I should just wait for my husband. What if that guy is a jerk and all they want is sex? What if I have a bad experience?

And I think God is just like “if you want to try, try, don’t be afraid”.

Don’t take life so serious. Don’t think it’s about the final destination. Have fun, enjoy life, relax. It’s not about getting somewhere but enjoying the experiences.

I realize I would get backaches or neck aches as I felt the burden of the decision was on me. That is condemnation, that is law. You are not responsible for yourself or your heart or your decisions. I know we’ve been taught that we are to be responsible for our decision but if we have the spirit of the Lord living on the inside of us, we can trust that He is leading us and even if we make mistakes, God actually doesn’t even see it. God only sees Jesus in you.

Under grace, you can live in complete freedom.

YOU ARE FREE! You can do whatever you want without fearing consequences of punishment. It says perfect love casts out fear because fear has to do with punishment. God is saying “you are free to live and try and know that you won’t be punished for your decisions”.

You are also FREE of your past mistakes and decisions.

There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. So I don’t beat myself up for the past, I don’t beat others up for failing me, I don’t beat my mom up for accusing me. I can move on and know that God only sees Jesus in us. 

I can make decisions and live life without the fear of judgement, condemnation or punishment. Because He says “TRY AND LIVE, LIVE IN FREEDOM!”

You lose joy when you feel like you are going to be punished for every wrong decision you make but if you know God only sees perfection in you, you know that you are completely free and unpunishable.

There are times God tells me to ask people for donations and I started to feel condemned because people made me feel bad about it instead simply saying I can’t or I don’t want to right now. So I started to blame myself or not want to try anymore. I know my heart is right and I never had any intentions of guilt tripping anyone, but some people because what they were going through, projected their feelings on me.

I was simply listening to God.

So when I kept listening to God and doing what I heard I started to see open doors again and I realize NO I didn’t do anything wrong and I didn’t have any false intentions. 

When I started to receive confirmation I realize the closed doors weren’t confirmation that I was doing something wrong but that I was on the right track but that new DOORS needed to open…..Breakthrough takes perseverance and it may mean you hear lots of NO’s.

But you will get to the open door, you will hear the Yes. You will find your tribe, you will find people who understand you. So don’t fear rejection. Keep going.

No’s aren’t a sign that you are on the wrong path, it just means God is building your perseverance and resolve. People who give up and just result to being accepted in the safety zone never get to where they want to go. Somehow they compromise a part of themselves to fit in because that crowd is where they hear “yes” the most…but they have to compromise who they are to hear that yes. Maybe they never get rejected but their hearts suffer from denying their own desires. 

Ps- I just wanted to add that even if I didn’t hear God and I asked for a donation or did something, that I still wouldn’t be punished for it. Because there is freedom in Christ Jesus. I think God was teaching people through me that it’s not like He will punish you for saying no. 

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1% of People Marry Their First Love

That’s what my friend said, to comfort me in my momentary despair.

I said “why do I have to meet guys who aren’t going to be my husband and then experience the heart break and pain? While I see people who just meet that one right person and seem to live happily ever after, or sure, with some issues in marriage”.

“There’s still some work to be done, deeper wounds that need to be healed” says another friend.

I’m 31. I don’t know how many more need to be healed but seems like an unending drama.

Like one of those dramas that are dragged on so that time can pass for no good reason but they have nothing to show on tv.

How come other people seem to have no issues….or maybe it’s just because they choose to settle for someone who has issues that they also have…and both refuse to heal or grow from it. Instead these couples live in their codependent miseries.

That really makes me feel better.

I am just choosing not to settle.

I could have settled with my ex, who was emotionally absent and had a wall that couldn’t be knocked down.

I could have settled for an alcoholic.

I could have settled for a selfish man.

So sure I see many who married and seem to have beautiful lives but who knows what’s behind the curtain? Most people don’t share their problems with the world. It’s better to smile for the camera and post a picture perfect marriage.

Well, my healing journey has not been easy. Having been single for 5 years the last year God gave me a dream where he showed me pictures of men like on tinder and said “get ready”.

Sure enough, the matches came.

But none were really it.

Something was always missing.

The main ingredient- an unfaltering and unwavering commitment to follow Jesus at any cost.

Sure I met good Christian men too, but they were half committed to Jesus. I would prophesy something over them and many of them are still where they are last year. I’m not saying they’re bad, I’m just saying I need to have the same level of faith with my hubby.

I can’t be dragged down trying to convince someone.

I met non Christian men too. But it was obvious their sole agenda was lust or longed for someone to fill the void that only Jesus could fill.

I healed from my issues and am still discovering if there are any more.

1. I had major trust issues because my dad cheated on my mom- God brought me people that were trustworthy and I realize men can be trusted, just need to be the right person.

2. My dad did not provide growing up and I realize that I want a man that loves to provide.

3. I cannot be with an alcoholic. I need someone who is completely filled with Jesus and His spirit.

4. Emotional vulnerability is key to the man I am supposed to be with. This man doesn’t just talk about work or how his day was but he talks about how he feels.

5. Honesty – I realize is everything and will break the thickest emotional wall.

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When Serving Becomes Our Identity, Instead Simply Being a Child Of God

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I feel we are in a season of coming back to Jesus to get our self-worth, versus basing it on how we serve Him.

I just had a dream for my brother in Christ and I told him that he needed to slow down and spend time with Jesus and he said that I was right as he has traveled the last 2 months ministering to people, healing the sick, etc but that he was worn down and tired.

Sometimes in ministry we start to believe a few lies that I want to dismantle today-

Lie 1- Your identity comes from how many people you help.

Truth- Your identity comes from being a child of God, who God so loved that He sent His only child (Jesus) to be sacrificed for you.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1-2 

Lie 2- God will only bless you if you obey.

Truth – Jesus paid the price on the cross for your blessings. His work was perfect obedience to the Father and even if you don’t perfectly obey, He does not punish you for it. I want to reiterate that He wants us to live in freedom, not paranoia. Our hearts should only “do things” out of DESIRE, not duty. 

Obedience comes from the overflow of the knowledge that He loves you, not because IF YOU DON’T OBEY that He will take away what He wants to bless you with.

That is living under the law. When we live under the law of condemnation and punishment, working for our blessings, we will not receive it- why? Because it will always be conditioned on how much we serve and do, versus from the perfect knowledge that we are loved by God no matter what.

This reminds of the prodigal son story. The older brother worked in bitterness thinking he had to earn his father’s blessings versus the prodigal son who experienced God’s blessings by doing what he wanted to – then realizing that his ways were not working and ended up running back to his father. 

God wants to have a genuine relationship with you, not one that is forced or led by duty and obligation.

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

When Jesus said it is finished, it is finished.

Lie 3- You need to sacrifice yourself when you are a Christian

Truth- God wants you to know that you are worthy, you are worthy of love and a good life. 

People who constantly sacrifice themselves for others believe that they are not worthy unless they are bringing something to the table. I’ve met people who say they do a lot for others because they want to show others that they are worthy….but people shouldn’t love or bless you because of what you do for them but who you are.

You don’t owe anything to anyone. You paid by being born. 

You don’t tell a baby that “one day you will pay by buying me a house” (Asian parents). You are a gift from heaven and you are a delight.

You are worthy of love just because you exist. 

God has grand purposes and destinies for you but He wants you to live out of a deep place of intimate love with Him. He wants you to know you are loved beyond comprehension first and foremost. If we serve or help others out of any other agenda (such as to prove that we are worthy to receive His blessings), then we are not living out of true grace. 

I’m not sure at what point I started to believe that I just needed to do more on this journey, but towards the end I was starting to wane in my passion. I was not being fed in my heart. I realize that I need a lot of alone time and I wasn’t getting it. When you are constantly serving others their voices start to muffle your own thoughts and desires. I’m grateful for the revelations God has been giving me in these few days. 

I pray today God would break off the slavery mentality and orphan mentality that ties you to “obligation”. You need to know that He loves you to the moon and back.

And HIS PROMISES FOR YOU ARE YES AND AMEN! AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF TO HAVE WHAT YOU WANT AS HE ALREADY BECAME THE PERFECT SACRIFICE ON YOUR BEHALF.

May you live completely from a place of knowing you are LOVED by God, and that your life will be driven by LOVE not FEAR. His love for you is not dependent on what you do for Him, His love for you is complete and finished. He does not look at your “disobedience” as He does not see blemish in you- He only sees Jesus in you (who obeyed perfectly onto the cross). 

I pray for the ministers and servants out there that you will not be confused by the enemy who tries to tell you that your worth comes from how much you help or don’t help others. That is a form of condemnation and accusation! I break off the spirit of python that tries to choke the life out of your heart and dreams in Jesus name! I break off false responsibility in Jesus name!

Our lives should never be driven by “I SHOULD”- your life should be driven by “I WANT”.

Sow-

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Where Is Home? Finding Stability in The Chaos

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I decided to write because I started sobbing. Why I was sobbing…Let me explain.

I just got back to LA but instead of the normal LA life, I found myself being called by God to minister everyday. I was pushed and forced out of my comfort zone (in LA). One day I was going 40 miles out on a bus, another day I’m traveling. I’ve been spending almost 4 hours on public transportation everyday. God has led me to the people He wanted me to relay messages to.

Like today I got to meet a father and son in the wee early morning. I felt so at home with them. My heart felt alive. 

The reason I was even going to Calabasas was because I saw an audition to be a rainbow hair model. I really want rainbow hair. However, I didn’t like the idea of waking up early but I felt that God wanted me to go.

So the night before I said “God if you want me to go, then wake me up”. I didn’t set an alarm.

At 4:30 am God woke me up with a revelation and I blogged about it (the previous post). At 5:30 am I decided to go back to sleep…however God said “wake up, go now!”

I was like “fine”. I took a bus around 6:15 am and when I got to Downtown I was at the bus stop when a man and his son asked me if the bus stopped there, I said yes. Immediately I felt a connection. God said to sit next to him so we talked the whole way. He showed me the book he wrote and published on amazon. He said he directed films and his son (8 years old) said he wanted to make money and he found an audition for him.

We happened to be going to the same studio.

Strangely, I said I started making money when I was 8 years old too, selling toys after school. I said usually the reason kids want to make money is because they feel insecure, like I did at the time. I saw my mother struggling and I wanted to help by being independent at a young age.

God has a strange way of connecting us to people with similar experiences. Then he told me how he drove a bus and sold t-shirts out of it, he traveled throughout the US. I prayed over him and said that in God’s eyes he is not lacking and that he needed to speak his truth without fear of what others thought of him. He told me how he was adopted but that aristocrats and celebrities always gravitate towards him because of his authenticity.

I really loved meeting them and enjoyed spending time with them.

After I arrived 2 hours early, I waited around for my audition. God kept telling me that I would be the only one and sure enough I was the only one that showed up for the audition. However, because of my hair length I was not picked.

I felt like a failure for some reason…maybe it was the way the lady asked for more photos of me saying “I need to see what you look like” while she was obviously standing in front of me…LIKE HELLO CAN’T YOU SEE WHAT I LOOK LIKE?

My mind raced- “she must be racist, she must not think I’m pretty enough, is it because of my growing lower chin, is it because I have no makeup on?”

I felt so depleted and disappointed…”I thought you said I would get picked!” I said to God. No answer. But deep down I knew that God was somehow protecting me. It was just an off-spirit about that place.

At first I sat in one place hoping she’d change her mind. I just really wanted rainbow hair. I don’t know why. Maybe rainbows represent promises fulfilled and maybe I felt like I hadn’t seen that many promises fulfilled. Sure I’ve ministered in 14 countries in the last year and have seen OTHER PEOPLES’ promises fulfilled, but for some reason I felt that I was STILL waiting for mine to be fulfilled. 

So I thought “I was the only one, I had no competition, yet I still didn’t get what I want?” That’s how I felt. The lady had to tell me “you’re free to go” before I could get myself up.

I went to the bathroom and started crying. 

I was disappointed. I was tired. It felt like my life, and I know it was the enemy of course...but I was just tired of being disappointed you know? Whether it came to a potential suitor not ending up being my future husband, the relationship not working out….or feeling like I had a home and then going back to LA and being accused by my mother instead of celebrated. 

My heart felt really tired.

Again? It felt.

Then I nodded off in the bus heading back to Downtown. I saw a lot of drunk people, high people on the bus. I smelled weed, I saw drunk people hitting on women. This is LA, but it felt foreign. “It’s gotten worse” I thought as I sat in the crowded Orange Line Bus to North Hollywood.

It occurred to me….”Hollywood is full of orphans looking for approval”. 

The guy with a guitar strapped to his heart in the bus.

A guy with golden chains around his neck while he spoke to his friend on the phone, “everyone who is anyone is out in Hollywood trying to make it”.

God said “well you are my daughter and you don’t need anyone’s approval”. That’s when God really set me free because a part of my heart was still hoping to make it in Hollywood (to share the light of Jesus). I thought I needed to appear in movies and tv shows to be influential but God was saying “I don’t need that, I don’t need a network, I don’t need a tv channel, I will do it my way through you”. 

You don’t need whoever you think you need.

I think that’s why people end up bowing down to people versus God. They think they need the job, the paycheck, the husband, the abuser, the relationship, the friend….but you don’t need anyone or anything but God. Because whoever you are codependent on usually begin to abuse or lord over you. That’s what I talked about in my last post, Sarah versus Hagar

So everything seemed to be piling up. In addition, after just coming back to LA, living a life of ministry on the road, I’m still doing ministry here. Then God says “it’s time to go” again. I leave LA June 24. I just follow His spirit everyday. My flesh is screaming, I don’t want to!!! I want to live a normal life!! But my spirit is like “YES, take me!” 

Because of the hardships and challenges I’ve gone through this year coming back actually feels like coming off the battlefield in the army.

I feel like a soldier coming back to civilian life, yet…still on the battlefield spiritually. I haven’t seen any of my friends yet….yet everything feels different. Recently I’ve been waking up in the middle of the night from music in the air. I don’t know where the music is coming from but maybe it’s spiritual music.

Maybe it’s music to awaken my heart.

So when my mom texts me and asks me where I’m moving to next, I say “I’m actually leaving the country again” and I start sobbing. I only got to see her for 3 days as she had to work out of town. We were able to reconcile and communicate on a better level – praise God.

Nothing feels stable but I know I must look to Jesus at all times. I can’t rely on my environment or people for stability, I must look at God alone. 

I don’t know why God chose me for this type of life – actually I do know- because I’m willing. I’m willing to overcome the fears that bind most people to a “stable life” -though the stable life is actually filled with fear that create stagnant hearts and lives. 

My friend said I’m like a piece of iron that God had to mold so that I can withstand anything. That’s great. Basically I’m like Iron Woman. How attractive, haha.

Just when I start to feel at home I have to leave. But that’s part of moving with God’s spirit. We must jump with Him and not linger. He has been telling me that every morning. Don’t linger, just go. We linger because we feel like we are not enough, we don’t have enough (money, clothes, abilities, friends, opportunities), we are not wearing the right clothes, etc….

But when God says “go”- you have to go!

That has been me for the last year. Feeling unprepared everyday but just going with God. He says “don’t prepare what you are going to say in front of the governors, when you get there I’ll speak through you”. In the same way, God wants us to be unprepared and to TRUST HIM to speak through us, work in THAT MOMENT. 

WE ARE OVER- PREPARERS! BUT WE PREPARE OUT OF OUR OWN LOGIC AND REASONING- Not God’s logic. You have read about the many times I didn’t have enough money for a hostel or something on the road and God gave me the specific instructions I needed in that moment. Or He asked me to ask someone for help and in actuality they needed a prophetic word or healing from God. 

The divine appointment was in my need. 

The divine appointment needed something from me as a messenger of God and I needed something materially. Jesus even said to the disciples, bring no money bag. That’s pretty crazy. I think most missionaries don’t live that way. But somehow I’ve experienced it and I do not wish it upon anyone…yet, now I have a lot less fears than before.

We don’t see God moving because we rely more on other things. We don’t give Him room to move when we’ve already filled the room with our own preparations. 

So how about you just jump?

It’s time to jump. 

Partner with me and see God move powerfully in your life. I ask you not to just give your money but your life to Jesus today! Thank you for giving! I pray God’s peace and joy over you in Jesus name!

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John 3:16

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.” Ask Jesus into your heart, He wants a relationship with you. He died on the cross and rose again for your sins and when you receive Him He only sees Jesus in you, not your blemishes and faults.

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Testimony From A Musician I Met In Auckland

Thank you to a beautiful soul for writing this testimony. I am so glad the nightmares stopped for Shayne and I am encouraged to see the fruits of my labor- that it hasn’t been in vain. I also grew up with a highly critical mother so encouraging words are highly prized for me. To be honest, there are very few people that come back to thank me. I know that I have always done it because I love Jesus, I don’t do it for men- but when someone comes back and gives appreciation- my heart is encouraged. Words are more powerful than anything in the world. So I am truly grateful for this testimony to keep encouraging me on this path of following God.

“I met rebekka in a chinese food restaurant across the street from the hotel I was staying at when she came over and introduced herself. she was interested in me and travel buddy because of my t-shirt and our hometown LA in common. as we got to talking I got to hear lots about her situation traveling and listening to god. eventually she asked if she could pray for us.

I’m not religious but I’m always tolerant of people who mean well and I could obviously feel Rebekkas warm intent. When she prayed for me however it was not like any other prayer she read deep with in my travel buddy, Shayne and claimed to see her drawing pretty flowers and calligraphy. my mouth dropped because I knew how fantastic of an artist Shayne was/is. As if I wasn’t already blown away already, it was then my turn.

I was half deflated because I had already told Rebekka i’m a musician and about my band, I thought for sure she would say something about music and it wouldn’t be quite as impressive to me. however of all things she could’ve said she told me she saw a parent figure yelling at me perhaps my dad? I was floored a couple weeks prior to our trip I was explaining to Shayne how I read about the effects on self confidence in a person who’s yelled at growing up. She assured me that god loved me and that I am whole. after that we parted only to find that we were staying at the same hotel. Shayne and I grabbed a bottle of wine and some chocolate to indulge in while playing pool in the lobby late at night. As the wine bottle emptied I had more questions I remember saying I wish Rebekka was here.

Low and behold five minutes later Rebekka was in the lobby claiming that she had heard music and fall asleep, that there was too much uncertainty and that she felt like were staying in that side of the hotel (she pointed) and was correct. I later came to the conclusion that if any two people were to sound of music it would be us. She offered to share with us more of her prophetic gift this time getting even deeper with Shayne who mentioned her nightmares that have tormented her since she was a child. Rebekka prayed that the nightmares would stop and they did. For a couple of months Shaynes dreams were purely light. I encourage anyone who’s curious and a higher power to listen to what Rebekka has to say. And Rebekka I hope you’re doing amazing you’ve had an incredibly positive impact on our lives. thanks again”

Thank you Luke!!!

I also want to share my side of the story. I had just come back from the north side of New Zealand, God told me to go back to Auckland and a receptionist I prayed for in Paiha, offered to book a hostel room for me when I asked for a donation. I was shocked and felt God’s provision because I was literally on my last few dollars.

When we looked online I felt God said “you have to stay at kiwi hotel”.

I took a nap and woke up to eat. I felt I had to go across the street and wanted Chinese food. I was looking at different menus but when I walked past a noodle/dumpling place I kept hearing dumplings, dumplings, dumplings.

Okay God. I went in and sat there for almost 2 hours watching Korean drama. I wasn’t in the mood to pray or prophesy over anyone. In fact, I felt a lot of lack and felt that God was pushing me too hard. I had stayed one night in each place He told me to go. In 14 days I’ve probably stayed in 14 different hostels. It was really hard.

I met people on buses, hostels and these were divine and specificities encounters. He had provided the finances for each day as I obeyed and ministered to people, but each day was full of uncertainty and I was tired of stepping out in faith.

The day before I had to ask 10 backpackers for help and ended up prophesying over all of them. The hostel claimed that I didn’t pay when I did on my card. In the north of New Zealand a police man showed up saying a boy accused me of basically being a pedophile after I asked to pray for him. So my share of hardship was piling up. This kind of challenge was normal in my year of following Jesus.

When I was eating I suddenly looked up and saw Luke’s t-shirt. I was tired of being brave. I had been brave everyday and couldn’t be any braver. I was also physically exhausted and discouraged at times. Suddenly the whole restaurant was empty but the two and I.

It prompted me to go ask for a photo of his shirt and our conversation naturally led to me asking to pray for them. Without even asking, Luke said he wanted to contribute and said “here- dinner is on me”.

I got to my room and was going to sleep but suddenly heard music coming from next door. I thought maybe it is them. I went downstairs to ask for another room and that’s when I saw them at the pool table. I was like wow.

And what he said ensued.

God’s ways are beyond what we can imagine.

I hope this shows you the power of prophesy and when we speak into peoples’ hearts what God is saying versus judgement because judgment is pure evil and judgment is of the devil, not God. God’s heart is always to bless and prosper us with words of life, not death.

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You don’t have to suppress your desires anymore

I had a dream I was at my fashion design graduation and I had no idea what to design but an idea came for wearable art and before I knew it I was packing up my box. I also saw free champagne and cake. I asked for a glass but they couldn’t find one. Finally I found a hologram Colored one and poured a bunch of lime green colored champagne into my glass. I was surprised that I wanted to drink so much since I hadn’t drank in ages. The glass suddenly cracked and broke.

The Lord spoke to me when I woke up. He said that most people drown out their desires by watching television or drinking, or shopping, eating, sex, etc.

It’s instant gratification.

When we’ve been in seasons of waiting or prolonged delay, we feel that it’s God’s heart to deprive us of things. We start believing we need to suffer to earn God’s blessings.

And when we do receive it we don’t believe we deserve it or that God will take it away.

I went through years of being stripped away of everything. Because those things were places of slavery. I was a slave to what my friends thought of me, what my mom thought of me. I was a slave to my rent and my car bills. I was a slave to societal standards.

When Jesus said “sell everything and follow me” He didn’t mean that He would never bless me and that He wanted me to live like a beggar. He simply meant “if you give everything up, I shall give you true power. You will no longer be a slave to society and you will no longer define yourself by what you have”. However because I will no longer be a slave to the blessings, God will pour out His blessings because He knows as freely as I received as freely I will give.

So all of it is a season of testing.

The more you are able to release, the more He will bless you. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true. He won’t give you above what you can handle.

He wants us to live without fear and following Jesus has helped me to overcome fears I didn’t think I have.

Things God freed me from:

A fear of men and what they think of me- approaching strangers to pray for them. I experience tons of negative reactions. But the more I’m rejected the more I seek refuge in being a daughter of God.

A fear of lack- sometimes not knowing how I’ll eat or pay for accommodation but trusting God and following His instructions to get the provisions I need instead of figuring it out on my own.

A fear of death- knowing that God has my back and His angels are watching over me.

God said to me “you deserve to have what you want, you deserve to be happy”.

“But Lord I suffered so much loss, how can I have what I want?”

“What is it you want?”

“A family. A sense of connectedness with friends and family. Restoration of my family. I want to come out from under the weight of pain and live freely from the past. I don’t just want to help other fulfill their dreams, I want to see my own fulfilled. I want to write tv shows, direct films, design clothes, write books, speak to people on stages, I want to help others through my own dreams.

I want to have the energy to dance again, to run again. I want to experience vitality in my body. It’s been such a long and hard process. I’ve helped thousands of people but I want it for myself too. I want my own family.”

What are your desires? God wants to fulfill them.

You May have been a long and difficult wilderness of delayed desires but God wants to give you what you want. You might be asking why you had to go through all of that but He is saying “now you can contain it- what true power looks like”.

You can not contain God’s power without being a vessel emptied of fear, shame, self hate, condemnation and guilt.

You were a slave; now you are free.

Only a free man/woman can love without manipulating the family God brings to him/her.

Only a free man/woman can have riches and not be a slave to it.

Only a person who knows they are children of God can have worldly success and not allow the fame and worldly power get to his/her head.

Only a person who has gone through the fire can he/she resist the temptations that the next level presents to him/her.

God built you in the fire because otherwise you’d be knocked down by the devil right when God brings your husband, the money, or the family.

God knows the devil will try to destroy your reputation when the fame comes. He knows you couldn’t withstand the accusations back then, but now you know who you are in Christ Jesus. He knew you were ashamed to be called Christian back then, but now you only preach Jesus crucified and resurrected.

The devil could have wiped you out with one accusation from your family, you would’ve been talking about it for one month, maybe a year.

But now you know who you are in Christ Jesus. You know not to get caught up in the devil’s trap. You won’t allow your mouth to speak negatively.

Back then, the devil brought good looking men/women to you and it was easy to sidetrack you. You were easily seduced by flattery and a sign of wealth but now you know a wolf from a true sheep and follower of Jesus.

I’ve met enough wolves to know what a true man of God looks like now!

One look, one sentence, I can tell what a man’s heart is after!

A man after God’s heart may not have luxury cars but they have a heart that will follow God at all costs.

Back then you were so broken you spent your whole paycheck on binge drinking. Now you’ve learned to sow into God’s kingdom and to treat yourself well without needing to hurt your body.

Now you know you are worthy because Jesus paid the price for the blessings so I decree and declare –

You will have what you want! Because your number one delight will always be Jesus Christ!

You will never leave your first love even if the blessings come!

So I prophesy all the things you want rain down! The family, the friends, the finances, success in your business, etc.

This time you will not leave Jesus out.

“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you”.

I gave everything up to follow Jesus and in return, He has brought incredible kingdom minded friends. People sowed and continue to sow into this kingdom work of bringing Jesus to the nations. Even though it has been really difficult at times, I know in my weakness His strength is made perfect.

These times strengthen my faith.

God is a good Father and even when we don’t understand it, His desire is to bring us to a wholeness that can contain what He desires for us.

A broken vessel allows the fragrance of Jesus to seep through to others.

You need to be broken to have a genuine love for people. I love homeless people on another level because I understand how it feels to go without. I love the hurting because I know how it feels to hurt. I love the wounded because I’ve been wounded.

God is calling us out of the past and into the new season.

Will you grab His hand and walk forward? The new door is open for you! Don’t look back anymore!

The fire and wilderness trained you to see the real from the fake. I’ve battled spirits of witchcraft, accusation and intimidation. I can spot a guilt trip from a mile away. I can sense danger and an angry spirit. I know when to engage and when to walk away.

I know when someone’s ready for help or when they are sent by the devil to distract me!! I know what false responsibility feels and looks like!

I know how much to help someone and when I need to set boundaries. I’ve trained my whole life! Ever since I was born into a broken home, ever since I saw divorce in my family, a mother who became unforgiving and bitter, I know what holding onto a grudge results in!

I know I used to carry false responsibilities thinking they were mine to carry! I know my worth now!

I know what the religious spirit and obligation looks like! I know what guilt feels like! I know the difference between “should” and “want”! God wants us to live in want! Not should’s!

I’ve been set free from the bondage of religion and into true sonship with Jesus, an intimate relationship not based on works but grace!

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