How To Deal With A Guilt-Tripping Mother

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New conversation with God added-

God– she’s not your responsibility

Me– it feels really heartless to leave her when I know she’s in need of care and love

God– only I can give her what she needs

Me– but what if she’s not going to you for it.

God– she will when you get out of the way.

As you know I talk about my mother a lot. She doesn’t like me writing about her but I feel like it helps people. Of course I don’t let her read them. A writer vows to tell the truth at all times, so here’s my truth.

I’ve included a video to help you.

It’s the holidays, how many people are guilt tripped to do what they DON’T WANT.

Questions to ask yourself-

  1. What season am I in? A season of rest, work, or healing? Your priority isn’t to live for someone else but to live for God and what God has told you. So if your priority isn’t to please your mother or family right now, it’s important to set boundaries and not succumb to spending every second with them.
  2. Whenever someone ask you to do something, walk outside and ask yourself if it’s something you want to do or if God has called you to it?

How to Deal with Guilt-tripping mothers or people-

1. Do not submit to what they ask of you out of guilt!

2. Explain why you don’t want to do what they ask of you. Don’t get angry back, just explain.

3. Keep NOT SUBMITTING

4. Be able to have a real talk with them about how it makes you FEEL when they do specific things like give you the SILENT treatment. “It makes me feel guilty when you don’t talk to me, you have to tell me how you’re actually feeling, can you communicate honestly with me?”

5. ASK them what they are feeling. Even if they yell eventually they will break and tell you what they’re ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH. Maybe they are afraid of the unknown, they are unsure about their life right now, maybe they are scared of being unemployed right now, or they have personal fears they are not letting you know about. 

How people act towards you usually has nothing to do with you.

People have issues, people get triggered.

Now say out loud-

I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there’s no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

Things you NEED TO KNOW-

  1. It’s NOT YOUR FAULT IF someone is mad at you.
  2. If someone holds a grudge, it’s also not your fault. Because if you apologize, they may still hold that grudge.
  3. You are doing the BEST YOU CAN. Now it’s another issue if you never admit fault.
  4. YOU ARE NOT CREATED TO LIVE FOR or PLEASE YOUR MOTHER, FATHER, FRIEND or EVEN HUSBAND/WIFE! 
  5. There is a responsibility to TAKE CARE OF YOUR EMOTIONS or GO TO GOD for emotional support. Then there is going to people and telling them WHAT YOU NEED from them. 

a. For example I like to be loved this way- touch, texting, calling, gifts, spending time, etc.

b. Express what you need….I need alone time.

c. Ask what they need to feel loved.

6. COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING! And finally YOU CANNOT FULFILL EVERY DESIRE AND NEED SOMEONE HAS, only GOD can! Be okay releasing them to God for what only God can do for someone! 

Prayer- God today I release that person into your care and love. I cannot love them the way you can. I release all control of their heart to you. I release my anxieties to you as well. I am not in control. Only you can love them the way they need to be loved. It is NOT my responsibility to take care of them, it is yours God.

It’s important that you don’t become the person someone relies on all the time, because then you take the place of God in their lives.

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Prophetic Word – Break Off The Fear Of Lack

God spoke such a convicting word to me today.

He said –

“People pray for things but it’s because if they get it they won’t need me and it will add to their worth, which they think is lacking right now“.

And that’s a lie because Jesus’ sacrifice made you whole on the cross. So when God sees you He only sees Jesus, whole and unblemished.

Our prayers should be “the lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing”. That’s what I kept decreeing when I was on an island in Vietnam and didn’t know I was going to survive or even get off the island. I had less than $20 left. I was crying and really afraid. But I said God you said you are my shepherd and I lack nothing. That’s my reality.

When I was eating outside a man came by and later came back. I didn’t tell him my situation exactly but I told him I was being led by the spirit and doing it by faith. He turned out to be a believer and said he wanted to give. He was actually not wanting to withdraw money again because of atm fees, but God was really testing his trust in Him. He had a fear of lack and God sent me to show Him trust.

Our prayers shouldn’t be “God give us more money. It should be God I lack nothing, continue being my provider”.

I have a strong anointing to break off the “identity of lack” because I lacked all things in the natural. I followed the Holy Spirit to pastor lost sheep and didn’t even have enough money to pay for a hostel. God led me to where I needed to go as He told me to ask specific people on the road for help.

One guy at Macdonald’s made me feel ashamed for asking for help and I started crying.

God I am so ashamed.

I was so intimidated.

He said to me- “Do you know you are priestly royalty? And you are asking for his sake, not yours? Because he has a heart of stone and is not willing to bend? His heart has been closed for a long time and by asking you are (Jesus) knocking at his heart. Will you open and let me in? – I am saying to him”.

My job is hard as a prophet, I felt less than because of how the man responded. But God showed me again and again, you are my child. You’re my prophet. Don’t look at your circumstances, you are breaking hard spiritual ground. It was in a city in New Zealand where the youth I met at Macdonald’s told me it was highly racist and a stingy city. They were very judgemental there and didn’t like foreigners, yet it was a very religious city too.

The religious spirit was evident there as the man who intimidated me was a Lutheran. He looked down on me and asked if I always ask people for money. He was well dressed, but his wife wanted to help. She looked at him for approval and permission.

She was under control too. She was not free.

He kept saying no but finally she went to the car to look for change and when she came back and saw me crying, she said she would get more but never came back.

His controlling spirit changed her mind.

But remember God was specific about who to ask, because He knew what was going on inside of them. Remember this does not apply to everyone.

That’s why when God tells me to ask strangers it’s usually an indication of where they are spiritually. One time He told me to ask a group of Buddhists in India and they all started laughing at me. Why does an american need an Indian’s donation?

God said don’t leave until they give.

The only one that was open to Jesus gave me $1.

How willing are you to give into the spirit of fear and intimidation and give up on peoples’ hearts. God is building a I won’t leave until this thing breaks spirit.

God did not tell me to start asking people for donations until I was really ready to, because it takes a lot of supernatural courage to do it.

But the places where there is the most poverty is where God actually uses giving as a way to break off the spiritual stronghold of lack in that city or country.

Those who think they are lacking need to give to break off the spirit of lack.

One time I asked a homeless man for a donation, I placed a penny next to him. He said I have nothing to give. I said here’s a penny. I said you look at yourself and think you have nothing to give to the world but you are not lacking anything because of Jesus‘ sacrifice. Then God told me to give to him.

Sometimes I’ll ask someone for a donation and they will say I have nothing to give. Then I’ll say do you have $1? Then you have something and you are not lacking.

I was on an Uber ride and prayed and prophesied over a man. He said his dad died 10 years ago. He was grateful that God answered His prayers of sending someone to minister to him. God said to ask him for a donation and he said I don’t have any cash.

All of a sudden he said here. It was $10. Representing the prophetic word- he will restore the years the locust has taken away from you- the 10 years since his father died.

People think –

If only I get a perfect body, I’ll be whole. If I get my husband or wife, I’ll be happy. If I get a new place, I’ll be whole. If I get more money I won’t need to rely on God and I won’t feel like I’m lacking. If I just walk into my promises, I’ll know God loves me.

But all of that is actually a spirit of lack lying to you. It causes you to look at your circumstances (condition of your body, possessions, bank account, relationships, self) versus your identity as a child of God, reigning over this earth and having dominion over all things.

You are enough and you are not lacking. You don’t have to become more anything. You can rest in God’s perfect grace for you.

A sheep trust her shepherd (Jesus) to feed her and lead her, someone who relies on money has no shepherd or father.

I’m reminded when I was on the road and needed food or needed to know where he was leading me to sleep he always told me where and how. He often did not tell me where I was supposed to go until the day of because I wasn’t reliant on the plans but on God Himself. Was it scary? Yes. I had to pray against fear everyday. I also didn’t have someone next to me to talk to everyday but God always led me to other brothers and sisters as well and He gave me times of rest.

So it wasn’t MONEY I needed but his VOICE.

That’s why it says A psalm of David.

The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

God does not want us to be self reliant or be in control. He wants us to be a sheep that trusts Him completely to protect us.

When we look at our shortcoming, we always feel lacking but when we look to Christ who is perfect and became our sin- we know we are actually whole because of His sacrifice!

Break off the fear of lack and reliance on mammon by sowing a seed of trust to God –

Ask the Lord if it’s time to give– when you know you’ve been relying on money or your job more than God, when you give- you realize no I am enough, I’m not lacking.

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How To Break Unhealthy Cycle In Relationships

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It takes vulnerability to experience true love. It’s through telling someone how you actually feel and they respond with understanding that you experience unconditional love. Most people don’t share how they feel because they have been judged or rejected for expressing their feelings.

1. Be vulnerable- tell people how you actually feel.

2. Write down the patterns in your relationships

3. Address the patterns with the people and act counter the patterns, setting boundaries and asking for what it is you need and being vulnerable about your triggers and history.

Here’s mine-

A. 🙏 Friendships- in the past I was always just someone’s go to for emotional and spiritual help. I also gave rides to everyone when I had a car. I was exhausted from helping people.

There was usually a disparity between how much I gave and how much I received (not that relationships is about measurement).

I walked in faith, hosting events, etc but didn’t know how to ask for help. In essence I could have but I didn’t think anyone would help me.

It could be as simple as going out with friends and not being able to pay for meals, God has taught me even to ask strangers for help now…It’s still not easy, but in the past I’d pretend I was okay and I’d charge it on my credit card.

Of course God has told me not to worry about debt because He has already taken care of them.

Because He knows what we can handle. It takes steps of faith to speak up. I maxed out a credit card to start self employment and I maxed out credit cards to start my ministry. That was what God told me to do and that was the amount of faith and courage I could handle at the time. But yes it was scary to trust that God would someday pay it off for me.

Then the next step was in my faith walk was to come out and tell people what I was doing in my ministry, basically to start a ministry.

I knew it would come with persecution. But people also supported me.

❤️ In essence, what I told you is the same as opening your heart.

1. There’s hurt, but you don’t know how to speak up about it.

2. You learn to speak up about it but you’re met with criticism or rejection

3. You speak up about it but people love you nevertheless

4. Repeat (and that’s love for you!)

In relationships you have to know how to ask for help and give help.

But if you’ve had unhealthy patterns in your life, it takes time to reverse it. Or to wait for the people who are willing to love you for who you are.

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B. ❤️ Romantic Relationships

Marriage is similar to friendships.

1. Someone has to be humble enough to first express how they are feeling even if that means “look I am in a space of possibly being hurt by you”- basically saying “You have the power to hurt me”. That’s intense.

2. If no one is vulnerable it’s impossible to have a good marriage. But remember it’s a two-way street.

3. One person tries harder and harder to open the other person’s heart but it is a choice whether you want to open your heart, thus that relationship will most likely wither away unless the other party is willing to open up and share how they are feeling.

You deserve a vulnerable love.

You deserve someone who is emotionally available and who is willing to put in the work to be open with you.

It’s a choice whether someone wants to open their heart.

What’s the point of sitting next to someone and not knowing where they are emotionally. Physically present but mentally absent.

For me that was the worst nightmare.

Because I grew up with a mentally, physically and emotionally absent dad and a critical mother so my relationships reflected that.

And guess what- it took those relationships for me to see that it wasn’t what I wanted!

So what is it I want?

1. Friends that reach out and ask me how I am. And I’ll do the same.

2. A life partner that knows to reach out to me, that I don’t have to be the aggressor, which I often am in many areas of my life.

But that means I may have to learn how to be patient and wait for others to reach out to me.

Truth be told I don’t really have any patience.

My heart is more like an EMT, it knows where to go for help. It’s also an immediate safe place for others.

But I have to learn how to set boundaries and allow people to do the hard thing of reaching out or asking for help.

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How To Set Boundaries In Friendships

You have to learn to protect what God has ordained in your life. Not everyone is sent by God and not everyone is supposed to be in your life long term.

I am learning how to set boundaries in my life and writing down what is important to me.

1. I need to honor myself first and foremost. Am I honoring my time, my energy, my being? Am I wasting time on those who simply give me attention, but suck me of my energy? What is the opportunity cost of being friends with this person?

2. Do the friends around me have my best interest in mind? Do they understand my destiny, calling and purpose in life and are they supportive of it? And am I supportive of their dreams? Is the friendship ordained by God?

3. Friends and someone you minister to is different. A friend is on your level. Someone you minister to is someone you help but may not necessarily receive the same level of help.

4. Friendship is a two way street.

One party needs to be open and so does another. It’s an exchange of energy, time, love. If one party has no interest in having an open heart, it’s hard for the other to continue.

5. Vulnerability is most important. It’s important to speak your mind and be honest.

Why do we feed people who don’t feed us back and neglect those who can actually love us.

Many people chase after people who treat them like crap, because they like the attention.

If there is a part of our soul that still desires unhealthy fruit, we will chase after that which is not healthy for us. So God heals the part of us that are broken.

6. Understand and give grace, but remember where you stand.

Some people are for a lifetime but some are for moments. Ask God to show you if that friend is temporary. And some come and go depending on the season, and it’s ok to let go.

7. Recognize codependency– codependency is when there is no boundaries and I often found myself in codependent relationships and God had to show me, it’s okay to pull back and not over give of yourself when that person isn’t reciprocating.

You cannot force someone to give of themselves when it’s not out of desire.

I realize that recently I was becoming codependent with a friend and it was hurting me because I was getting involved unnecessarily in her life and friendships. And it was not my job to help her or fix her friends.

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How To Overcome The Fear Of People and Lack

For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. 2 Timothy 1:7

Here are examples overcoming the fear of people:

  1. You’re getting a massage and the pressure is not enough or it’s too much- you’re afraid to speak up and you don’t. The opposite spirit is to boldly say what you need.

Here are real life examples I’ve gone through-

  • One time I was getting a massage at an airport and the ac was blowing on my head so I was really cold. I asked to move and they said no. I asked several times until they allowed me to move. The whole room was staring at me, I could feel their thoughts. But no, I was not going to back down. The staff was probably talking crap about me, but no I was not comfortable and needed to OVERCOME the spirit of fear in that room.
  • I was in San Francisco and my neighbors were really loud, had the tv blasting so I talked to the receptionist and HE WAS AFRAID to confront the tenants so I went to each door to ask them to be quiet but some of them got really angry and started yelling. The spirit of fear CAME AGAINST ME where I was afraid to KNOCK ON PEOPLE’S DOORS BUT I DID IT because there was no way I could sleep. 
  • I was in New Zealand at a staff dorm room and one guy was really hot, I don’t know why, it was super cold at that time. I kept closing the door and finally he screamed at me and started cussing. I walked out of that room and started crying. God gave me a way out and the next day I left that hostel before my work term was over since I was there to work in trade for accommodation. I told the boss that it was a TOXIC WORK ENVIRONMENT.
  • One time I went to a Thai restaurant and the food was way too sweet. God said “ask to exchange it” so I did. The lady got really mad. Again, it was too sweet the second time so I spoke up. Again she got mad. I was courteous and polite but also firm. I came against that spirit of intimidation by SPEAKING MY MIND in love.

I HAVE THOUSANDS OF STORIES, some WAY MORE INTENSE THAN OTHERS.

What I’ve learned IS THAT I CANNOT BE AFRAID TO SPEAK MY MIND. NOT IN A MEAN WAY BUT IN A WAY THAT SAYS NO, I need to get what I want because WHAT PEOPLE THINK WILL ALWAYS TRY TO COME AGAINST YOU. 

YOU KNOW IT’S FEAR WHEN:

  1. You feel immobilized
  2. You feel suffocated
  3. You feel like you are holding back
  4. You feel like you can’t breathe
  5. You can’t speak

I BREAK OFF THE SPIRIT OF FEAR.

THE ONLY WAY TO BREAK OFF FEAR IS TO DO! DO WHAT GOD TELLS YOU! 

This morning the Lord had me give to someone then ask them to sow whatever amount back, they did. But then I heard God say do it again.

It might seem strange to some people but once I did it, I felt fear and the fear of lack (not being enough and also fear of what people think) BREAK OFF IN THAT INSTANT.

WHAT GOD CALLS YOU TO DO MAY BE STRANGE AND CRAZY BUT WHEN YOU DO IT YOU WILL BE FEARLESS! 

You know what people who MOVE TO THE NEXT LEVEL HAVE – at each level they are called to live in LESS FEAR OF PEOPLE. It’s THE CRAZY ONES that have no fear of men that actually live to their fullest potential.

Today I’m asking you to give to this ministry and be part of a FEARLESS GENERATION THAT WON’T LIVE IN FEAR BUT IN THE BOLDNESS AND FREEDOM OF Jesus Christ!

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True Freedom Is Knowing You Can’t Be Punished For Living In Freedom

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IF YOU READ ANY POSTS< READ THIS ONE! Because it will set you free from decision paralysis and fear of living and making mistakes!!!! GOD WANTS YOU TO BE FREE!

I had a deep revelation today.

So with my mom whenever I talk to her she questions  me. “Why are you going to Korea?” I said, “mom, I do ministry, I follow Jesus and I pastor and prophesy”.

“Whose going to believe you are a pastor, you need schooling”.

……….

That’s where I usually stop but yesterday I say “okay forget about what I do, I’m just following Jesus”.

I’m not sure if she’ll ever believe me. 

Like James in the bible, who said “hey that’s my brother, he is not the Messiah, how can he be? I’ve seen his diapers and I’ve seen him poo in it! He can’t be chosen! He’s human like me, he grew up in an ordinary home, how can he have any special powers to heal?” 

I’ve often lost my voice in my relationship with my mom. My train of thought was always “okay she won’t believe me so what is the point of saying anything”. Then I just listened, and kept silent. Even when I tried to say anything or prove myself, it was a dead end and made me feel exhausted. It came from a spirit of lack (feeling like I wasn’t enough). 

So I realized yesterday after hanging out with a new friend that I felt exhausted and strained.

I felt strained and strife because I felt like I was mostly listening to things I didn’t care for. I don’t know how to describe it, but are there things you just don’t care about it? It’s not that you hate that person or you don’t care for them, but take for example “video games”….if someone keeps talking about it and you don’t like video games isn’t it boring for you? 

It’s not because you are an apathetic or mean person, but there are just topics that turn you off and make you totally shut down because you don’t function that way.

I’m a heart person and I like to hear about “how people feel” not what they know.

So in my head I thought “I’m bored”.

But I didn’t know why, I think I was forcing myself to be interested. 

So this is a HUGE revelation.

Because with my mom I used to listen to her rant about her friends or people that have hurt her and I’d just totally shut off. I didn’t talk back before but in recent years I’ve learned to say “hey I don’t want to hear about it”. I’m not a trash can that you can dump on. At first she got offended but then she learned to turn it off.

So I often felt drained in relationships because I didn’t know how to set boundaries.

I felt that I should “love” people by listening to them so I was totally neglected while I continued listening and never voicing my own opinions and problems. I felt sidelined and stepped on. I didn’t know how to voice my needs.

And I also attracted friends that didn’t know how to open up so I often had to pursue friendships instead of having a healthy balance of “hey my voice matters and so does yours” friends that reached out to me. 

Here’s another revelation-

You don’t need to listen or help anyone to be valuable or worthy.

You are worthy because Jesus loves you.

I’ve been trying to help my mom my whole life, living under the weight of her problems and her heartache, reacting to her instead of living for what I wanted. That’s why when Jesus told me to leave everything and follow Him, it was a huge shock to my mother. Well I had already moved out when I was 22, but then Jesus told me to move back at 28. So I stayed there for 2 years and restored my relationship with her, semi- restored.

He wanted me to be firm in my righteousness in Christ Jesus. 

But now I’m in a new phase in my life.

“Because you’ve been accused of and yelled at for making mistakes you now rather sit and not make any decisions because at least you won’t get punished for making the wrong decisions”.

WOW- I just told this to my friend in a phone conversation.

A big part of my life was defined by ministry and how much I helped others or my mom, but now God was also asking me “what is it that you want?”

I told my friend “more than ever I just want to have a family”.

I know how to enjoy myself, I know how to get massages and buy clothes, to spend time alone, I’m not afraid to be alone- I quite enjoy it, but I want my heart and soul to be loved by a man who is willing to open his heart up to me. So what I long for with my husband is relational intimacy.

I want to be loved for who I am and not what I can do for someone. 

That’s why recently I find spiritual talks very draining. When people are trying to figure God out or trying to figure out spirits and demons.

Because I want to be known for my simple self, like as a human being, not a prophet or a really wise spiritual person. 

I don’t want someone to ask me what God is saying. Ask God for yourself. Everyone can hear God if they ask. I believe God is asking us to take personal responsibility for our desires.

So instead of asking God “what should I do?” He is saying “what do you want to do?” Some of you will be petrified of the outcome because you fear that if you make a decision and you don’t like it that you’ll be stuck with it, or that you’ll ruin your life. And God’s like “no you won’t ruin your life, just change course if you don’t like the decision you made”.

It’s like DATING. You don’t have to stick with a guy if you don’t like him after one date. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t have to feel responsible for his feelings, God will take care of him. 

You have to do what you want to do. You won’t ruin your life with one decision. Keep making decisions in freedom. Life is an adventure. You can walk away from any decision you don’t like. It’s a play, it’s a video game, it’s a game, not a test! 

An introduction to my simple self-

Hi my name is Rebekka.

I like music. I like Korean music, Korean dramas, I like dancing, but haven’t danced for a long time. I like parties and I like food. I like hot pot, I like Starbucks. I like Boba. I like waking up without an alarm. I like enjoying life but recently I’ve felt like I’m defining myself by how much I can help others and I want to stop thinking that way.

I like to talk about relationships. I like talking about dating because it is heart stuff, not head stuff. I love hearing about dates gone wrong and I like to talk about silly things. Because relationships have to do with heart stuff, not head knowledge. It’s about experience, not just thoughts. 

Sometimes we get so caught up in our thoughts we stop living. 

So for once will you just stop thinking and do it? Not fearing the outcome and not foreboding the results but thinking of life as a really big adventure full of joys and pains? We get disappointed because we put so much expectations on one thing to bring us joy or happiness but God has always wanted you to put joy and expectation on Him, not the “things that we do”.

This life is about trusting Him and jumping time after time after time. And saying “oh cool what’s that, I want to do that. I want to go to Starbucks and get a Frappucino. I feel like watching a movie, I feel like going into that store, I feel like going to Africa, I feel like writing” and then just doing it without thinking “oh there has to be a really intense purpose for why I’m going to Starbucks” or “ok cool I made a new friend online, I’m going to meet her” instead of thinking “oh what if we don’t get along, or what if she doesn’t like me”.

That was me, I felt like God is there a divine appointment here? I felt like there had to be a divine appointment anywhere I went. So imagine my paranoia. But God’s like “no, you can enjoy life without searching for a reason to be wherever you are”.

If you want to paint, paint.

Life is about taking risks everyday and riding the beautiful waves that is life. 

Which reminds me, I want to go to the beach. I totally forgot that I like the beach. And if there are divine appointments, and there probably will be, then so be it. But I’m not defined by whether I help someone or not. Often times these appointments help me understand new things too.

What does it mean to flow with the holy spirit. It’s to not have fear and to just go do what you want, because following what you want is following the holy spirit. 

You’ve got to take personal responsibility for what makes you want. You can’t always expect others to go with you. You need to discover what makes you happy.

Trusting that God is your protector and provider, He will provide the way if you step out in faith. Will you trust Him with your heart and follow your heart?

One of my desires is to date again, but here are all the thoughts I go through. Well, I should just wait for my husband. What if that guy is a jerk and all they want is sex? What if I have a bad experience?

And I think God is just like “if you want to try, try, don’t be afraid”.

Don’t take life so serious. Don’t think it’s about the final destination. Have fun, enjoy life, relax. It’s not about getting somewhere but enjoying the experiences.

I realize I would get backaches or neck aches as I felt the burden of the decision was on me. That is condemnation, that is law. You are not responsible for yourself or your heart or your decisions. I know we’ve been taught that we are to be responsible for our decision but if we have the spirit of the Lord living on the inside of us, we can trust that He is leading us and even if we make mistakes, God actually doesn’t even see it. God only sees Jesus in you.

Under grace, you can live in complete freedom.

YOU ARE FREE! You can do whatever you want without fearing consequences of punishment. It says perfect love casts out fear because fear has to do with punishment. God is saying “you are free to live and try and know that you won’t be punished for your decisions”.

You are also FREE of your past mistakes and decisions.

There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. So I don’t beat myself up for the past, I don’t beat others up for failing me, I don’t beat my mom up for accusing me. I can move on and know that God only sees Jesus in us. 

I can make decisions and live life without the fear of judgement, condemnation or punishment. Because He says “TRY AND LIVE, LIVE IN FREEDOM!”

You lose joy when you feel like you are going to be punished for every wrong decision you make but if you know God only sees perfection in you, you know that you are completely free and unpunishable.

There are times God tells me to ask people for donations and I started to feel condemned because people made me feel bad about it instead simply saying I can’t or I don’t want to right now. So I started to blame myself or not want to try anymore. I know my heart is right and I never had any intentions of guilt tripping anyone, but some people because what they were going through, projected their feelings on me.

I was simply listening to God.

So when I kept listening to God and doing what I heard I started to see open doors again and I realize NO I didn’t do anything wrong and I didn’t have any false intentions. 

When I started to receive confirmation I realize the closed doors weren’t confirmation that I was doing something wrong but that I was on the right track but that new DOORS needed to open…..Breakthrough takes perseverance and it may mean you hear lots of NO’s.

But you will get to the open door, you will hear the Yes. You will find your tribe, you will find people who understand you. So don’t fear rejection. Keep going.

No’s aren’t a sign that you are on the wrong path, it just means God is building your perseverance and resolve. People who give up and just result to being accepted in the safety zone never get to where they want to go. Somehow they compromise a part of themselves to fit in because that crowd is where they hear “yes” the most…but they have to compromise who they are to hear that yes. Maybe they never get rejected but their hearts suffer from denying their own desires. 

Ps- I just wanted to add that even if I didn’t hear God and I asked for a donation or did something, that I still wouldn’t be punished for it. Because there is freedom in Christ Jesus. I think God was teaching people through me that it’s not like He will punish you for saying no. 

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1% of People Marry Their First Love

That’s what my friend said, to comfort me in my momentary despair.

I said “why do I have to meet guys who aren’t going to be my husband and then experience the heart break and pain? While I see people who just meet that one right person and seem to live happily ever after, or sure, with some issues in marriage”.

“There’s still some work to be done, deeper wounds that need to be healed” says another friend.

I’m 31. I don’t know how many more need to be healed but seems like an unending drama.

Like one of those dramas that are dragged on so that time can pass for no good reason but they have nothing to show on tv.

How come other people seem to have no issues….or maybe it’s just because they choose to settle for someone who has issues that they also have…and both refuse to heal or grow from it. Instead these couples live in their codependent miseries.

That really makes me feel better.

I am just choosing not to settle.

I could have settled with my ex, who was emotionally absent and had a wall that couldn’t be knocked down.

I could have settled for an alcoholic.

I could have settled for a selfish man.

So sure I see many who married and seem to have beautiful lives but who knows what’s behind the curtain? Most people don’t share their problems with the world. It’s better to smile for the camera and post a picture perfect marriage.

Well, my healing journey has not been easy. Having been single for 5 years the last year God gave me a dream where he showed me pictures of men like on tinder and said “get ready”.

Sure enough, the matches came.

But none were really it.

Something was always missing.

The main ingredient- an unfaltering and unwavering commitment to follow Jesus at any cost.

Sure I met good Christian men too, but they were half committed to Jesus. I would prophesy something over them and many of them are still where they are last year. I’m not saying they’re bad, I’m just saying I need to have the same level of faith with my hubby.

I can’t be dragged down trying to convince someone.

I met non Christian men too. But it was obvious their sole agenda was lust or longed for someone to fill the void that only Jesus could fill.

I healed from my issues and am still discovering if there are any more.

1. I had major trust issues because my dad cheated on my mom- God brought me people that were trustworthy and I realize men can be trusted, just need to be the right person.

2. My dad did not provide growing up and I realize that I want a man that loves to provide.

3. I cannot be with an alcoholic. I need someone who is completely filled with Jesus and His spirit.

4. Emotional vulnerability is key to the man I am supposed to be with. This man doesn’t just talk about work or how his day was but he talks about how he feels.

5. Honesty – I realize is everything and will break the thickest emotional wall.

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