Choose God’s Path

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A word on my spirit. Someone out there is choosing the easier and more comfortable route but God is asking you to step out in faith. It’s not an easy word to deliver because no one likes to be uncomfortable but God’s intention is to grow you.

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1% of People Marry Their First Love

That’s what my friend said, to comfort me in my momentary despair.

I said “why do I have to meet guys who aren’t going to be my husband and then experience the heart break and pain? While I see people who just meet that one right person and seem to live happily ever after, or sure, with some issues in marriage”.

“There’s still some work to be done, deeper wounds that need to be healed” says another friend.

I’m 31. I don’t know how many more need to be healed but seems like an unending drama.

Like one of those dramas that are dragged on so that time can pass for no good reason but they have nothing to show on tv.

How come other people seem to have no issues….or maybe it’s just because they choose to settle for someone who has issues that they also have…and both refuse to heal or grow from it. Instead these couples live in their codependent miseries.

That really makes me feel better.

I am just choosing not to settle.

I could have settled with my ex, who was emotionally absent and had a wall that couldn’t be knocked down.

I could have settled for an alcoholic.

I could have settled for a selfish man.

So sure I see many who married and seem to have beautiful lives but who knows what’s behind the curtain? Most people don’t share their problems with the world. It’s better to smile for the camera and post a picture perfect marriage.

Well, my healing journey has not been easy. Having been single for 5 years the last year God gave me a dream where he showed me pictures of men like on tinder and said “get ready”.

Sure enough, the matches came.

But none were really it.

Something was always missing.

The main ingredient- an unfaltering and unwavering commitment to follow Jesus at any cost.

Sure I met good Christian men too, but they were half committed to Jesus. I would prophesy something over them and many of them are still where they are last year. I’m not saying they’re bad, I’m just saying I need to have the same level of faith with my hubby.

I can’t be dragged down trying to convince someone.

I met non Christian men too. But it was obvious their sole agenda was lust or longed for someone to fill the void that only Jesus could fill.

I healed from my issues and am still discovering if there are any more.

1. I had major trust issues because my dad cheated on my mom- God brought me people that were trustworthy and I realize men can be trusted, just need to be the right person.

2. My dad did not provide growing up and I realize that I want a man that loves to provide.

3. I cannot be with an alcoholic. I need someone who is completely filled with Jesus and His spirit.

4. Emotional vulnerability is key to the man I am supposed to be with. This man doesn’t just talk about work or how his day was but he talks about how he feels.

5. Honesty – I realize is everything and will break the thickest emotional wall.

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Testimony From Taiwanese Divine Appointment- Setting Captives Free From Shame

One night in Shuangxi God told me to go to Taipei the next day (last year when I set out to follow Jesus and begin ministry). He said to check couchsurfing. It was midnight. I was surprised the girl accepted my request right away. I packed my bags and went to stay with her the next day.

We shared testimonies and I got to pray for her. That day I started getting oppressed in my mind. I felt so tired and wanted to quit ministering to people. I felt like it was too hard. That day I was so extremely exhausted I slept at 9pm (at the time the girl started knocking on my door).

The next day I was going to leave early (as I was so mentally exhausted and had a dream there were these idols and spirits trying to get near my bed) when she knocked on my door again and told me about how her dad had abused her as a child. She told me that in 30 ish years she has never told anyone.

I prayed and sang over her, it was a really intense healing session. She started crying and I felt God’s love so intensely for her.

I now realize the devil was trying everything to stop me from hearing her story and praying over her. I still remember prophesying “God is a good father, He is a good Father, He will never leave nor forsake you”- words that anyone who had a horrible father would need to hear.

Since then as I prophesied she has quit her job and traveled overseas to follow her dreams and the path God has for her. She has become a prized friend who I pray with often. I believe she is a pioneer who will deliver many women from shame as she discovers her identity in Christ Jesus.

Here is the testimony she shared with me. Is one sheep worth it? Yes. I pastor those who no one will reach, I pastor lost sheep. God has sent me all over the world to reach those who institutions will never reach.

I might not have grown up with a dad but I grew up with Father God and when you grow up with Father God you have an anointing to break off the spirit of shame and rejection. My dad said “she’s not mine” to my mother when I was born. But I am daddy God’s.

I am beloved by the Father. And no matter who abused you- daddy God loves you and knew you before you were born!

Her testimony –

How I met Rebekka

 

My name is Kelly J. Yeh. I met Rebekka in summer 2018. I was her Couchsurfing host and I hosted her in Taipei for 3 days. Before I met her, I took a trip to Sydney, Australia to visit my friend and roomate whom I met in university in the church. I was deeply touched by my friend’s hospitality so I decided to host some people.

I used Couchsurfing when I was traveling in Europe so I thought it’s time to give back to the community. God gave me a room that I could host for about 2-3 weeks so I got the chance to host her. It was really amazing that God arranged us to meet. God told me in that evening to check out what’s happening on the Couchsurfing app, so after work I decided to lay on bed and just browse through. Then she sent me the request. I read that she was born in Germany, so I decided to host her. And I didn’t think too much.  

 

Before I met Rebekka – about my personal background

 

I was born in a Christian family. My father and mother were introduced by a couple in the church and they got baptized before they got married. My father used to be very abusive toward my family and I. He passed away in 2009 because of liver problems. He used to hurt my family verbally and physically and most of my childhood I was in fear. I’m a person who values justice, so I always fought back verbally. But he never listened. I remember one day back when I was 8, my father hit me without any reason.

I had to PEE and CRY to had him stop hitting me. When I was 18 and after the university entrance exam, I sat in the living room using the computer and was just relaxing and reading. And then he started to yell at me and complained me about using the computer because it was “such a waste of electricity”. I really hated God for giving me a dad like this because all the sisters in the church I know have good parents and are rich. I didn’t understand why I had to suffer all this. I also got bullied during middle school and high school (I went to the top ones in Taipei) because of not cheating in tests with nearly everybody else in class.

 

Overall, my childhood was kind of miserable. You can say that. But I did all my best to try to make myself happy and not have depression. For example, reading novels, listening to music, going to the gym, etc. Until I met Rebekka and until she prayed for me.  

 

Testimony 

 

So when I hosted her, before we met, she texted me that she’s very happy to walk around the campus of the university I worked at. It seemed to be where her father use to work. She also told me she was amazed by the architecture inside the library.  

 

When we met, we told each other about ourselves. She was happy to know that I’m Christian and she told me that God told her to come to Taipei for a visit. I asked her why she came to Taiwan, and she said she wanted to meet her dad, and she is staying in the countryside of Taipei County – Shuangxi. She told me God wanted her to come to Taiwan so she booked the ticket and her mom was angry and didn’t talk to her for a while.   

 

When I went back to my room, God actually told me that I should host her and I should really value and honor this person.I was kind of surprised to hear this as God seldom spoke so clear and loud to me.  

 

The second night I hosted her, I attended the counseling session that my sister organized for my family nearby Taipei Main Station. I was really upset after attending it because my mom still wouldn’t listen to my painful experiences of growing up. I felt so BOUNDED and RESTRICTED in a sense. I went back to my place and knocked her door and I wanted to pray with her. She didn’t answer.

The day after that day we met each other in the morning, and I asked her to pray with me and I told her about my story that I described in the first session of this article and what I experienced last night. She told me that she had experienced strong spiritual warfare last night when she slept. I told her I felt so sorry about that because it was partly because of me that she experienced this, and she said it’s ok as she experienced this quite often.       

 

She hold my hands and we prayed together. After that I felt so much better. I felt that I’m not afraid of things anymore. I felt that I have the courage and I can be happy again, without making the effort every day to make myself happy. It’s actually a tiring process to repeat, to find things to satisfy your soul and spirit.

 

I have also been praying for a breakthrough for almost 3 years. God has listened to my prayers. And I have been praying for the healing for my period problem for 15 years. Now I’m still waiting for God to heal me.

 

I was also a wounded and lost sheep in a sense. I got hurt by the church because a lot of people in my church value money and appearance. My family is not the richest and due to my childhood experience, my period has never been normal again (I’m literally waiting for God to heal me now as I write ) and I have gained some weight though I don’t eat a lot. Literally only one sister whom I met at work wanted to introduce a brother to me. No one in my church value my appearance in the church. They value more the newcomers. I have attended the church for more than 10 years in faith but I really was just tired of it.       

 

After we prayed together, she told me that she felt that she knows why God sent her to Taiwan, and she felt that her work is done here. I asked her about she’s going next, and she said Korea.

 

We have been keeping in touch and encouraging each other since then, as in 2 month I also embarked on my journey of following Jesus in Europe, starting in London as God spoke to me about going to London.

 

 

About what I’m doing now

 

I decided to quit my job and take the trip and follow Jesus in September, 2018. It took me 2 months to decide to do it as it’s a big decision. I’ve been traveling since 16th. October 2018. I’ve also battled with a lot of kinds of evil spirits, all kinds of attacks like toothache that almost made me book a ticket back to Taiwan, a “healer“ that claimed to be able to heal my period problem but turned out to just wanted to date me and didn’t have good intention. Rebekka told me she saw an evil spirit and advised me to left his place. He had two roommates.  

 

I remember during my trip in London, I was really hesitant about going to Germany as the flights are expensive and I had bad memories about Germany. I had a bike accident there and my colleague from China prosecuted me and spoke to my thesis advisor and accused me in everything and had me to quit my job.

It was a great spiritual warfare and I really had trauma. Rebekka told me that God wanted her to tell me about going to Germany because I wouldn’t listen. She donated me USD 25 and thus I had the courage to book the ticket to Germany because of this. Later I gave her back this money because I wanted to her to buy something to celebrate her birthday. God provided me more than that amount, as my friend whom I helped and gave lots of advice with finally moved into an apartment and found a job working in a hostel rather than staying continuously in hostels and was constantly looking for a job.     

 

Where I’m currently at and where I plan to go

 

I’m writing from Tel Aviv, Israel. The Holy Land. I’m almost done with my 8-month Europe trip and I’m taking a rest here. There is really good energy and good vibes here! You should definitely consider visiting here. You won’t regret it. God provided me a host for about one week and where I can have some rest and finally don’t have to be stressed out about finance about housing. I will move to the hostel later in a few days as I feel God has arranged some people He wants me to meet.

 

Today God spoke me about going to Brisbane, Australia. I will also go back to Taiwan for a short while.  This is great faith, but I decide that I want to take a leap in faith to see what God has arranged me there.

 

My dream is to have a happy family and to experience once in my life what a happy and loving family is like. Also to help people. I hope to open a cafe or a hostel to help people. It’s a really big decision for me as I have a masters degree, have taught in university, have won the best paper award in Taiwan, etc. But I want to see what God can do. I really want to see that. And experience that.

 

I hope my testimony helps you. May God bless you! I hope to write about the divine encounters in my spirit-led trip later when I have some more time.

 

Yours truly,

Kelly J. Yeh

 

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When Serving Becomes Our Identity, Instead Simply Being a Child Of God

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I feel we are in a season of coming back to Jesus to get our self-worth, versus basing it on how we serve Him.

I just had a dream for my brother in Christ and I told him that he needed to slow down and spend time with Jesus and he said that I was right as he has traveled the last 2 months ministering to people, healing the sick, etc but that he was worn down and tired.

Sometimes in ministry we start to believe a few lies that I want to dismantle today-

Lie 1- Your identity comes from how many people you help.

Truth- Your identity comes from being a child of God, who God so loved that He sent His only child (Jesus) to be sacrificed for you.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1-2 

Lie 2- God will only bless you if you obey.

Truth – Jesus paid the price on the cross for your blessings. His work was perfect obedience to the Father and even if you don’t perfectly obey, He does not punish you for it. I want to reiterate that He wants us to live in freedom, not paranoia. Our hearts should only “do things” out of DESIRE, not duty. 

Obedience comes from the overflow of the knowledge that He loves you, not because IF YOU DON’T OBEY that He will take away what He wants to bless you with.

That is living under the law. When we live under the law of condemnation and punishment, working for our blessings, we will not receive it- why? Because it will always be conditioned on how much we serve and do, versus from the perfect knowledge that we are loved by God no matter what.

This reminds of the prodigal son story. The older brother worked in bitterness thinking he had to earn his father’s blessings versus the prodigal son who experienced God’s blessings by doing what he wanted to – then realizing that his ways were not working and ended up running back to his father. 

God wants to have a genuine relationship with you, not one that is forced or led by duty and obligation.

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

When Jesus said it is finished, it is finished.

Lie 3- You need to sacrifice yourself when you are a Christian

Truth- God wants you to know that you are worthy, you are worthy of love and a good life. 

People who constantly sacrifice themselves for others believe that they are not worthy unless they are bringing something to the table. I’ve met people who say they do a lot for others because they want to show others that they are worthy….but people shouldn’t love or bless you because of what you do for them but who you are.

You don’t owe anything to anyone. You paid by being born. 

You don’t tell a baby that “one day you will pay by buying me a house” (Asian parents). You are a gift from heaven and you are a delight.

You are worthy of love just because you exist. 

God has grand purposes and destinies for you but He wants you to live out of a deep place of intimate love with Him. He wants you to know you are loved beyond comprehension first and foremost. If we serve or help others out of any other agenda (such as to prove that we are worthy to receive His blessings), then we are not living out of true grace. 

I’m not sure at what point I started to believe that I just needed to do more on this journey, but towards the end I was starting to wane in my passion. I was not being fed in my heart. I realize that I need a lot of alone time and I wasn’t getting it. When you are constantly serving others their voices start to muffle your own thoughts and desires. I’m grateful for the revelations God has been giving me in these few days. 

I pray today God would break off the slavery mentality and orphan mentality that ties you to “obligation”. You need to know that He loves you to the moon and back.

And HIS PROMISES FOR YOU ARE YES AND AMEN! AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF TO HAVE WHAT YOU WANT AS HE ALREADY BECAME THE PERFECT SACRIFICE ON YOUR BEHALF.

May you live completely from a place of knowing you are LOVED by God, and that your life will be driven by LOVE not FEAR. His love for you is not dependent on what you do for Him, His love for you is complete and finished. He does not look at your “disobedience” as He does not see blemish in you- He only sees Jesus in you (who obeyed perfectly onto the cross). 

I pray for the ministers and servants out there that you will not be confused by the enemy who tries to tell you that your worth comes from how much you help or don’t help others. That is a form of condemnation and accusation! I break off the spirit of python that tries to choke the life out of your heart and dreams in Jesus name! I break off false responsibility in Jesus name!

Our lives should never be driven by “I SHOULD”- your life should be driven by “I WANT”.

Sow-

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Testimony From A Musician I Met In Auckland

Thank you to a beautiful soul for writing this testimony. I am so glad the nightmares stopped for Shayne and I am encouraged to see the fruits of my labor- that it hasn’t been in vain. I also grew up with a highly critical mother so encouraging words are highly prized for me. To be honest, there are very few people that come back to thank me. I know that I have always done it because I love Jesus, I don’t do it for men- but when someone comes back and gives appreciation- my heart is encouraged. Words are more powerful than anything in the world. So I am truly grateful for this testimony to keep encouraging me on this path of following God.

“I met rebekka in a chinese food restaurant across the street from the hotel I was staying at when she came over and introduced herself. she was interested in me and travel buddy because of my t-shirt and our hometown LA in common. as we got to talking I got to hear lots about her situation traveling and listening to god. eventually she asked if she could pray for us.

I’m not religious but I’m always tolerant of people who mean well and I could obviously feel Rebekkas warm intent. When she prayed for me however it was not like any other prayer she read deep with in my travel buddy, Shayne and claimed to see her drawing pretty flowers and calligraphy. my mouth dropped because I knew how fantastic of an artist Shayne was/is. As if I wasn’t already blown away already, it was then my turn.

I was half deflated because I had already told Rebekka i’m a musician and about my band, I thought for sure she would say something about music and it wouldn’t be quite as impressive to me. however of all things she could’ve said she told me she saw a parent figure yelling at me perhaps my dad? I was floored a couple weeks prior to our trip I was explaining to Shayne how I read about the effects on self confidence in a person who’s yelled at growing up. She assured me that god loved me and that I am whole. after that we parted only to find that we were staying at the same hotel. Shayne and I grabbed a bottle of wine and some chocolate to indulge in while playing pool in the lobby late at night. As the wine bottle emptied I had more questions I remember saying I wish Rebekka was here.

Low and behold five minutes later Rebekka was in the lobby claiming that she had heard music and fall asleep, that there was too much uncertainty and that she felt like were staying in that side of the hotel (she pointed) and was correct. I later came to the conclusion that if any two people were to sound of music it would be us. She offered to share with us more of her prophetic gift this time getting even deeper with Shayne who mentioned her nightmares that have tormented her since she was a child. Rebekka prayed that the nightmares would stop and they did. For a couple of months Shaynes dreams were purely light. I encourage anyone who’s curious and a higher power to listen to what Rebekka has to say. And Rebekka I hope you’re doing amazing you’ve had an incredibly positive impact on our lives. thanks again”

Thank you Luke!!!

I also want to share my side of the story. I had just come back from the north side of New Zealand, God told me to go back to Auckland and a receptionist I prayed for in Paiha, offered to book a hostel room for me when I asked for a donation. I was shocked and felt God’s provision because I was literally on my last few dollars.

When we looked online I felt God said “you have to stay at kiwi hotel”.

I took a nap and woke up to eat. I felt I had to go across the street and wanted Chinese food. I was looking at different menus but when I walked past a noodle/dumpling place I kept hearing dumplings, dumplings, dumplings.

Okay God. I went in and sat there for almost 2 hours watching Korean drama. I wasn’t in the mood to pray or prophesy over anyone. In fact, I felt a lot of lack and felt that God was pushing me too hard. I had stayed one night in each place He told me to go. In 14 days I’ve probably stayed in 14 different hostels. It was really hard.

I met people on buses, hostels and these were divine and specificities encounters. He had provided the finances for each day as I obeyed and ministered to people, but each day was full of uncertainty and I was tired of stepping out in faith.

The day before I had to ask 10 backpackers for help and ended up prophesying over all of them. The hostel claimed that I didn’t pay when I did on my card. In the north of New Zealand a police man showed up saying a boy accused me of basically being a pedophile after I asked to pray for him. So my share of hardship was piling up. This kind of challenge was normal in my year of following Jesus.

When I was eating I suddenly looked up and saw Luke’s t-shirt. I was tired of being brave. I had been brave everyday and couldn’t be any braver. I was also physically exhausted and discouraged at times. Suddenly the whole restaurant was empty but the two and I.

It prompted me to go ask for a photo of his shirt and our conversation naturally led to me asking to pray for them. Without even asking, Luke said he wanted to contribute and said “here- dinner is on me”.

I got to my room and was going to sleep but suddenly heard music coming from next door. I thought maybe it is them. I went downstairs to ask for another room and that’s when I saw them at the pool table. I was like wow.

And what he said ensued.

God’s ways are beyond what we can imagine.

I hope this shows you the power of prophesy and when we speak into peoples’ hearts what God is saying versus judgement because judgment is pure evil and judgment is of the devil, not God. God’s heart is always to bless and prosper us with words of life, not death.

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You don’t have to suppress your desires anymore

I had a dream I was at my fashion design graduation and I had no idea what to design but an idea came for wearable art and before I knew it I was packing up my box. I also saw free champagne and cake. I asked for a glass but they couldn’t find one. Finally I found a hologram Colored one and poured a bunch of lime green colored champagne into my glass. I was surprised that I wanted to drink so much since I hadn’t drank in ages. The glass suddenly cracked and broke.

The Lord spoke to me when I woke up. He said that most people drown out their desires by watching television or drinking, or shopping, eating, sex, etc.

It’s instant gratification.

When we’ve been in seasons of waiting or prolonged delay, we feel that it’s God’s heart to deprive us of things. We start believing we need to suffer to earn God’s blessings.

And when we do receive it we don’t believe we deserve it or that God will take it away.

I went through years of being stripped away of everything. Because those things were places of slavery. I was a slave to what my friends thought of me, what my mom thought of me. I was a slave to my rent and my car bills. I was a slave to societal standards.

When Jesus said “sell everything and follow me” He didn’t mean that He would never bless me and that He wanted me to live like a beggar. He simply meant “if you give everything up, I shall give you true power. You will no longer be a slave to society and you will no longer define yourself by what you have”. However because I will no longer be a slave to the blessings, God will pour out His blessings because He knows as freely as I received as freely I will give.

So all of it is a season of testing.

The more you are able to release, the more He will bless you. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true. He won’t give you above what you can handle.

He wants us to live without fear and following Jesus has helped me to overcome fears I didn’t think I have.

Things God freed me from:

A fear of men and what they think of me- approaching strangers to pray for them. I experience tons of negative reactions. But the more I’m rejected the more I seek refuge in being a daughter of God.

A fear of lack- sometimes not knowing how I’ll eat or pay for accommodation but trusting God and following His instructions to get the provisions I need instead of figuring it out on my own.

A fear of death- knowing that God has my back and His angels are watching over me.

God said to me “you deserve to have what you want, you deserve to be happy”.

“But Lord I suffered so much loss, how can I have what I want?”

“What is it you want?”

“A family. A sense of connectedness with friends and family. Restoration of my family. I want to come out from under the weight of pain and live freely from the past. I don’t just want to help other fulfill their dreams, I want to see my own fulfilled. I want to write tv shows, direct films, design clothes, write books, speak to people on stages, I want to help others through my own dreams.

I want to have the energy to dance again, to run again. I want to experience vitality in my body. It’s been such a long and hard process. I’ve helped thousands of people but I want it for myself too. I want my own family.”

What are your desires? God wants to fulfill them.

You May have been a long and difficult wilderness of delayed desires but God wants to give you what you want. You might be asking why you had to go through all of that but He is saying “now you can contain it- what true power looks like”.

You can not contain God’s power without being a vessel emptied of fear, shame, self hate, condemnation and guilt.

You were a slave; now you are free.

Only a free man/woman can love without manipulating the family God brings to him/her.

Only a free man/woman can have riches and not be a slave to it.

Only a person who knows they are children of God can have worldly success and not allow the fame and worldly power get to his/her head.

Only a person who has gone through the fire can he/she resist the temptations that the next level presents to him/her.

God built you in the fire because otherwise you’d be knocked down by the devil right when God brings your husband, the money, or the family.

God knows the devil will try to destroy your reputation when the fame comes. He knows you couldn’t withstand the accusations back then, but now you know who you are in Christ Jesus. He knew you were ashamed to be called Christian back then, but now you only preach Jesus crucified and resurrected.

The devil could have wiped you out with one accusation from your family, you would’ve been talking about it for one month, maybe a year.

But now you know who you are in Christ Jesus. You know not to get caught up in the devil’s trap. You won’t allow your mouth to speak negatively.

Back then, the devil brought good looking men/women to you and it was easy to sidetrack you. You were easily seduced by flattery and a sign of wealth but now you know a wolf from a true sheep and follower of Jesus.

I’ve met enough wolves to know what a true man of God looks like now!

One look, one sentence, I can tell what a man’s heart is after!

A man after God’s heart may not have luxury cars but they have a heart that will follow God at all costs.

Back then you were so broken you spent your whole paycheck on binge drinking. Now you’ve learned to sow into God’s kingdom and to treat yourself well without needing to hurt your body.

Now you know you are worthy because Jesus paid the price for the blessings so I decree and declare –

You will have what you want! Because your number one delight will always be Jesus Christ!

You will never leave your first love even if the blessings come!

So I prophesy all the things you want rain down! The family, the friends, the finances, success in your business, etc.

This time you will not leave Jesus out.

“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you”.

I gave everything up to follow Jesus and in return, He has brought incredible kingdom minded friends. People sowed and continue to sow into this kingdom work of bringing Jesus to the nations. Even though it has been really difficult at times, I know in my weakness His strength is made perfect.

These times strengthen my faith.

God is a good Father and even when we don’t understand it, His desire is to bring us to a wholeness that can contain what He desires for us.

A broken vessel allows the fragrance of Jesus to seep through to others.

You need to be broken to have a genuine love for people. I love homeless people on another level because I understand how it feels to go without. I love the hurting because I know how it feels to hurt. I love the wounded because I’ve been wounded.

God is calling us out of the past and into the new season.

Will you grab His hand and walk forward? The new door is open for you! Don’t look back anymore!

The fire and wilderness trained you to see the real from the fake. I’ve battled spirits of witchcraft, accusation and intimidation. I can spot a guilt trip from a mile away. I can sense danger and an angry spirit. I know when to engage and when to walk away.

I know when someone’s ready for help or when they are sent by the devil to distract me!! I know what false responsibility feels and looks like!

I know how much to help someone and when I need to set boundaries. I’ve trained my whole life! Ever since I was born into a broken home, ever since I saw divorce in my family, a mother who became unforgiving and bitter, I know what holding onto a grudge results in!

I know I used to carry false responsibilities thinking they were mine to carry! I know my worth now!

I know what the religious spirit and obligation looks like! I know what guilt feels like! I know the difference between “should” and “want”! God wants us to live in want! Not should’s!

I’ve been set free from the bondage of religion and into true sonship with Jesus, an intimate relationship not based on works but grace!

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Police Man

“Go to Macdonald’s” – said God.

“Another junk food place?”

“Trust me”

The Lord told me to ask someone to buy me a cone. There was two men. One an Indian guy and another from South Africa. He said, “we will come back so you wait”.

They went into Macdonald’s but forgot about me.

Meanwhile I saw a young boy and he kept looking at me. The Lord impressed on my heart to pray for him. I said, “can I pray for you?” He said “yes!” I said that God gave me a vision of him drawing.

He said “I draw!” and he showed me his notebook. He said he likes to draw angels.

His parents asked what we were doing but did not seem to want him talking to me.

I understand. I’m a stranger.

I’m scared but God still impresses upon my heart to go get my ice cream cone. Remember at this point I have $8 in my pocket. I had gotten off a bus and found a hostel that cost $35. I gave the owner $30 and promised another $5 the next day.

I go into Macdonald’s and I find the two men. I said “I think you forgot about me”. The South African puts the gold coin on the table and I say “thank you. God said to pray for you”.

He is a Christian. As I’m praying for him I hear the Lord say “I have not forgotten you. I know you’ve been through a lot of pain but the promises are coming”. I feel my heart breaking and I stare into his eyes.

His eyes are unresponsive, vague, unfeeling, emotionless, I hug him and tell him how much God loves him.

His Indian friend has his hands folded, he is praying with me even though he is not Christian. But he is watching the whole thing. I ask him if I can pray for him but he says “no I already prayed with you”.

Seconds later, God tells me to pray for another boy and I ask but he walks away, seeming turned off.

Then I hear a boy cry in the playground. Someone has fallen off the slide. The Lord says “pray for him” and I walk over “hi, I’m a missionary and I’d like to pray for him”.

So the mom says okay. At first I thought none of them were Christian because one mom looked bewildered. However after the whole fiasco she told me she was actually Christian and so was her friend, she was just really shocked to see someone being that bold.

She told me how in New Zealand, it’s very comfortable and Christians rarely take risks so she was shocked to see someone so bold. She said she wouldn’t have thought of doing that as the boy’s mom wasn’t Christian.

As I’m sharing my story of following the Holy Spirit with them a guy approaches me.

He says “excuse me but I need to speak with you”.

I thought it was one of the boy’s dad but he said he was a police man and the boy that seemed turned off by my asking to pray for him actually called the police to tell him that I had “offered to pay for sex”.

I don’t know what kind of childhood this boy had but this was nothing I’ve ever experienced.

I wanted to cry.

What kind of spiritual warfare was this, but right away the two Christian women told the police man that I was a good person and would never say that.

I saw this man write down what he said and what I said. I had said “pray for you” not “pay for sex”.

He got my info but that was it.

I felt falsely accused. But God had my back.

Later on I felt the Lord ask one of the woman to sow financially and she said “I was just thinking about how to help you!!”

I got to encourage them and they said they were really convicted by my life.

This was one of the more traumatic and intense days I’ve had. Nothing like this has ever happened. But God protected me.

When I got off the bus to Kerikeri I saw this skatepark that looked exactly like the one in my dream. I also remembered that the macdonalds playground was in one of my dreams.

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