Why I Am Saving Myself For Marriage

I heard the Lord say “write it now”. It’s 7:51am here in Auckland.

More than anything, I want a family. I love babies and have been seeing a lot of babies lately. Because of what I didn’t grow up with- a wholesome family with two parents, I desire what I didn’t have.

As I was thinking about this, I felt heartsick. Not only have I been waiting for my husband, I’ve been waiting for sexual intimacy.

I’m a 31 virgin.

Sure I am not a prude and know more about sexual foreplay than most people who have sex – being honest and blunt here because people have a misunderstanding about “virgins”. And I understand my women parts more than most. And yes this is super honest, I know how to climax without intercourse. I’ve had my share of experience and yes I’ve dated men.

I knew how to masturbate at a young age. It involved a floor and my pelvis. Our women parts are intricate but not complicated. However why at a young age I learned to do it? I was lonely and my parents were not home most of the time so it filled a void in my heart.

Our sexual desires always reflects our hearts’ longings for emotional intimacy.

Why did I choose to wait to have sex until marriage?

Of course they taught this at church, but more than anything I wanted to save my heart for my husband.

Because as years went by I saw how broken hearted my friends were after a one night stand.

I had guys tell me “why would I call her again, I already slept with her” as if it was a movie he watched already or a bucket list item.

If we are honest here, any type of physical contact marks our hearts and causes a bond.

I don’t save myself out of guilt or condemnation because there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

I have waited this long because I know I’m worthy of love, not just lust or physical attraction. I respect myself too much to give into a physical desire.

And women are actually moved by words, affirmation more than anything. An intimate and supportive emotional connection turns a women on more than touch. She is wired for emotional connection. She is wired by a sense of security, a man who cherishes and loves her and opens his own heart to her.

A woman desires a man to be vulnerable, open, communicative.

So as I put my story out here, I want to encourage all those who are waiting. Even if you’ve decided to be celibate until marriage, it’s worth the wait.

Any man who will in an instant sleep with you doesn’t respect you.

A man who truly loves you will wait, and not only for you, but for his own heart.

What I’ve found is that men will stop respecting you when they know they can get your in pants instantaneously but they will somehow have an emotional attachment to you when they know you’re not “easy”.

And if you didn’t wait, that’s okay.

All things are new in Christ Jesus. He does not condemn anyone. He loves you.

But you are worth more than a physical release – which to be honest, is often what sex is for some guys. They’ve shut their hearts down so much, they think one physical release can satisfy their shut down hearts. It’s like all this pent up emotions they can’t seem to express with words.

I know this is an intensely personal post but I pray it may bring some relief to your heart.

God loves you and wants the best for you.

You deserve the best.

I am by far perfect. One of my top love language is touch so you can imagine my struggle. But I know God’s best is out there for me and I’m meeting him soon.

I wanted to add that in order to live out God’s best for you you must receive Jesus into your heart. When you know Jesus died on the cross for you and you are no longer an orphan, the Holy Spirit dwells within you and causes you to transform from the inside out.

He will supernaturally heal your heart, take you away from bad habits and harmful desires. It’s all Him, not self discipline! His grace changes everything!

The more you understand grace, the more your life will improve!

Today if you haven’t received Jesus into your heart ask Jesus to enter your heart, trust that He has taken all your sins and mistakes on the cross and you are free now, a child of God, uncondemned!

Has this blog post encouraged you? Has my ministry empowered you? Consider sowing a seed and partnering with me to bring light to this world and the souls in it!

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Thank you!

Rebekka

God Is Enough for You

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Writing from Perth, Australia- I have been through insurmountable circumstances on my journey, sometimes a sadness sinks in where I miss home, I miss my family. I’ve been away for 7 months and have barely talked to my family. The truth is I know that even the closest family member does not understand kingdom work.

And that’s okay.

I had to process the sadness and just sit with God. 

I could hear Him say “I am enough for you”. 

There are times we throw ourselves at friends, family, new friends, videos, phones, movies, shopping- anything but God.

We long for intimacy with our creator but we turn to everything but God. This journey has forced me to lean into God. 

As much as I love the family I am staying with, I knew this morning that the Holy Spirit was telling me that it was time to move on. You are enough, you are not lacking. My longing for a family or to belong can only be satisfied by God.

I belong to God and God is my family. 

People might understand you and love you, but only the Creator knows you from the inside out.

I wanted to stay here for a month, I wanted to continue in comfort but the Lord said “it’s time to move on, you’ve finished your work here”. My work was to prophesy to the ones I need to prophesy to. And instead of getting a phone with the money my mom gave me to buy a phone, I got a ticket to the next place the Lord was calling me to.

I felt a tinge of sadness. When am I ever going to get a phone?

The Lord asked me “why do you want a phone?”

“So I can have all access at anytime, to my friends and family”.

“I am enough for you”- He says.

He said that I will get a phone soon but then I needed to address the deeper longings. I’ve been officially without a working phone since October (since Japan). I know it seems impossible to travel without a phone but God has somehow made a way. I either borrow peoples’ phones or laptops or like today, I went to Big W (equivalent of walmart) and used their display phone.

I’m not kidding. I booked a flight on a display phone.

All things are possible with God.

Sometimes we think we are lacking something when in fact, we have everything we need to move forward.

That act of faith was in fact a breakthrough moment.

This night my friend told me a sister has decided to sow finances. Sometimes the breakthrough doesn’t come until we take that step of faith. Sometimes we are waiting for God to provide when HE will only provide if you trust Him and act on His word. 

Testimony-
Today I stopped someone at the mall and said “can I pray for you”. She said “how did you know I was lost….in life”.
I said “holy spirit”.
I prayed for her and saw people attacking and accusing her and I said that even so she must follow her heart. That the Lord is with her.

She started crying and said that she just left a broken marriage. That she loved her kids.

I said that she is in a season where she is finding her worth and identity.

On the bus the Lord pointed me to a young woman who had 4 kids. I then prayed for her. I asked her where her parents are and she said she had none, that she was a foster kid. She is 18 years old, has one kid of her own about 2 years old, 3 that are foster kids and she lives with a boyfriend who is 22 and refuses to work while she works.

I don’t even know how my heart can handle these stories but I have to lean in harder into God and focus on the finished work of the cross.

Give- Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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