Emotionally Vulnerability Goes Both Ways!

I am honestly happy today. I was feeling really down but God really cheered me up.

I met with someone and told them how I actually felt. He was talking about going to Japan, etc and I heard God say “speak up”, so I did.

I said “Honestly I FEEL really emotionally disconnected because I’m tired of dating and I’m tired of putting myself out there, I just want to get married and I don’t really understand this process. I guess it’s like if someone has a fear of abandonment that just needs to keep happening until I get over it”.

But something in my honesty, I started to feel happy. My soul felt happy.

I wasn’t pretending, I was being clear, vulnerable.

Someone commented on my instagram post- “well, I believe men in LA are trash”.

I want to submit to this women-

Have you ever spent time with a men and really gotten to know them?

Have you told them how YOU felt?

That you felt hurt by something they’ve said.

I realized that I was not at all emotionally vulnerable in my twenties. I pretended to be okay with a man’s actions just to clear far away from confrontation.

Today I said “honestly, I was really grossed out when you took off your dentures, I mean your Invisalign”. Females also don’t communicate honestly and it takes time to learn how to do that.

You cannot expect a men to know what they’re doing wrong if you don’t tell them. So I see this men-hating going on, women secretly gossiping about men but not confronting them.

How is that even a mature thing to do?

Females, if you want to find a good men, start being honest about how you feel towards “these bad men”, maybe you will open up communication that you didn’t know needed to happen. Grace and forgiveness comes from communication, not avoidance.

This ghosting culture is very toxic. I’ve learned to confront the hard things. I will not allow my pride to get in the way of communication, though I’ve been there too. I’m definitely not perfect.

Ladies-

IF you like a guy, tell him.

If you appreciate him, tell him.

If you think he’s cute, tell him.

We expect men to make all the first move, but what if you’re brave enough to say WHAT’S ON YOUR HEART.

Guess what, your HEART LOVES BEING HONEST!!! I feel amazing today because I was honest about the smallest thing, I did not hold back on ONE thing and it felt amazing.

I’ve always been someone who is quite aggressive but for awhile I didn’t allow myself to say what I felt because I didn’t want to look desperate or thirsty. I realized that I never got what I wanted before because I was too afraid to look stupid in front of others.

Now I realize the only way to live is to be honest and to go after what your heart wants. Do you tell people how you actually feel? I encourage you to do so! It’s so liberating!

SOW-

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Prophetic Word- Live In Freedom, Don’t Be Afraid To Fail

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God, today I pray to cast out any false responsibility for others, help us to focus on the purpose and goals you have set before us. I break off false responsibility and accusations!

YOU ARE FREE IN Christ Jesus. There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

God we forgive those who have wronged us and we confront them, tell them how we feel, but then we release and move on. Prepare EVERYONE who you’ve promised their spouse is coming. Protect them from the schemes of the enemy in Jesus name!

Dating Will Trigger You, Let It!

I felt abandoned, unworthy, unwanted, there was no opportunity to converse about it. This is how I felt when someone left without telling me after a “date”. We were supposed to leave together and he had picked me up. He left without telling me.

I called him “disgraceful to all of men”.

I was traumatized. I felt rejected.

I felt angry.

It’s never happened to me. I’ve experienced a lot but this was a trigger point.

But God always has a way to redeem my experiences and show me not all men are trash. I kept meeting divine appointments that told me I should be aware of marriage, one lady said marriage is more about crying than laughing. I disagreed with her.

The thing is A LOT OF PEOPLE SETTLE.

PEOPLE don’t date enough, they don’t put themselves out there enough. They expect the first guy or girl they go on a date with to be the one.

Most people don’t even know what they want and they settle for the first person they are attracted to or the first person they have trauma bonds with.

For example thinking that just because that person also feels unworthy, that they have commonalities, just because they feel unwanted, that they find worth in each other.

I believe in being vulnerable and sharing your deepest wounds with each other. Dating is not about putting on a front, but laying all your cards on the table and showing who you really are. Here’s me, take it or leave it.

And guess what, some will leave. And be Okay with that. Thank Jesus for making it a bit easier for you.

I am worthy, I am valuable, I am a gift.

Dating will trigger you, but let it trigger you, let it reveal to you how you actually feel about yourself. What needs to be healed?

God bless you-

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God bless you!

Dear Husband

Dear Husband,

A lot of people told me to doubt you, to give up but I never did. I waited for you. I know you’re out there and I’m not settling for less. God told me you’re coming. A lot of people tried to convince me otherwise. They told me I could not find someone who was also waiting but I’ve been meeting more people that are waiting, actually virgins too, some are celibate.

I don’t know what you’re going through but I know God is preparing you too. Whatever hardships and heart breaks we are going through is just making us stronger for marriage. I never really believed in marriage growing up because my parents were divorced. I have people calling me desperate but more than a year ago I had a few dreams.

I had a dream I was swiping on a dating app and I heard God say “get ready”. I also had a dream that I was wearing a wedding dress on an airplane and putting on makeup.

I’ve been learning to love and I think that’s the most important thing.

I realize I was trying to explain myself to people who just didn’t understand me. I was focusing on the wrong people.

I don’t think I’ll have to over explain myself to you. It’ll be easy. I am praying for God to prepare you and myself for what’s ahead. I pray that you will hear God and obey Him in everything. I pray God keep you safe and open your heart to be vulnerable with others. I pray a hedge of protection over both of us that no weapon formed against us shall prosper. I pray we will not be discouraged.

God protect us from those that want to take us off the path you have for us. Shield us from those that want to destroy hope in us.

YOUR HUSBAND IS COMING!

YOUR HUSBAND IS COMING!

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Healing The Father/Mother Wound

I hope that you’d be able to learn something from this video. I love you all! God bless.

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The Secret To A Good Relationship

I wish someone told me this but I had to learn how to communicate with all types of people. I highly recommend people to go on dates to learn more about themselves, how to speak up for themselves and thrive in a relationship.

Most people don’t even know how to be themselves with others so dating really helps you discover how to be yourself at all times!

It’s not about putting up a front or acting but being 100% truthful about who you are and communicating that.

Here’s the secret to a good relationship-

The more you learn to speak up and communicate your truth from your heart, the closer you actually get to meeting your husband/wife.

People want to rush into a relationship without understanding who they are but dating helps you do that.

What I had to learn to communicate –

  1. My feelings
  2. My boundaries- what I am okay with and not okay with
  3. My standards- what I find uncomfortable with, with what that person does

I hope you enjoy the video….meeting your life partner is about becoming 100% yourself in every aspect of your life, it’s not about changing yourself to be accepted by a spouse.

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You Deserve The Best

I had a dream I wa in a room and I wanted to go out but someone was grabbing someone’s shoulder and I tried to close the door.

The strange thing is that it kind of happened. I was hanging out with someone and he told me he was in a season of his life where he wanted to “have fun” and I told him that I was waiting until marriage to have sex. He said he waited 30 years for God to bring him someone but God didn’t, so he went his own path. God never judges but do you trust God for the right person.

I closed the door, because strangely he tried to massage my shoulder and suddenly I heard “unclean spirit” so I prayed to cast it out. I essentially closed the door because I could sense something unclean.

The truth is many Christians stop believing God because God takes a long time….or it seems.

But it occurred to me….maybe God is waiting for you to make up your mind.

Do you believe that you ARE worthy to have what you want?

IF you truly believe, you’ll start to stand up in your spirit and say “NO MORE”.

“NO MORE” false attention. I talked to my friend and he said he often went to being promiscuous as a sense of false self worth.

I realized that when you give into your flesh, you’re also craving that sense of “acceptance and love” that you think that moment gives you, but the truth is “LOVE” does not abandon. Love perseveres.

When we keep saying yes to the wrong thing, there is no room for the right thing.

Am I REALLY ready for the right one?

Are you ready?

That you are willing to stop receiving attention from the wrong man, so the right one can come?

Dating can be confusing but one thing it’s taught me is –

“BE CLEAR ABOUT YOUR INTENTIONS, TELL THE TRUTH”.

And when you tell the truth and no longer allow “false responsibility” to reign over your life, you’ll do things out of desire, not obligation.

What is your HEART’S DESIRE?

Follow that. If you want to get married, start dating. Invest time into communicating to men. Be open.

He/She is coming. God told me to tell you.

Say this out loud –

“I BELIEVE THAT GOD HAS THE ONE FOR ME. He/SHE is out there. I believe that I deserve to be loved. I don’t need to settle because my husband/wife is out there in Jesus name!”

Don’t give up.

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Getting Out of Toxic Relationships

Trauma Bonding and Getting Out Of Toxic Relationships

I was in a 2.5 year relationship and didn’t speak up for myself and what I needed. I lost myself. And it took years to find myself again! I am here to help women get out of toxic relationships, speak up for themselves and learn not to “give sex” right away to protect themselves from men who just want sex. The dating journey is about learning to heal from and communicate your needs in a relationship.

I’ve learn not to commit myself to someone just because I like them but to let go when you know immediately that it’s not your husband. How do you know if it’s your husband? Does he believe in God like you do? Do you have the same beliefs about life, morality? What are non- negotiable for you? Give to this ministry- Thank you! God bless! For coaching – dm me.

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Grace of God in West Hollywood

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“Whoever blesses you will be blessed” I woke up to God saying that to me. He showed me that there is a blessing for blessing the fatherless.

I have this heart heat rash.

He says “don’t be afraid of love”.

I met a Christian, I meet a lot of Christians who tell me they don’t go to church, they believe in God, they are spiritual.

Yesterday a new friend I met was defending me. “She’s a virgin, she’s not like that”. A man approached me and was trying really hard.

He goes “I want some pussy”.

My heart was grieved.

I was already disappointed.

Our society has come to this.

I’ve grown a lot. Obviously it hasn’t always been easy to know what I deserve. But I know now. As I know my promise of marriage is coming, I sense the momentum and climax of promise. People are attracted to Jesus in me and I am a witness for Him.

I had three guys hit on me yesterday. One, a guy slipped me a note and said I was pretty. Two, a friend’s friend. Three, a guy I had met before on the streets of West Hollywood.

I am reminded all of them are God’s children and there is a reason they are attracted to me. I am learning to treat them with grace, and not the harshness of the world.

Whenever I am disappointed in men, I am learning to keep my heart open and pray for them even more. We live in the wild wild west of LA and there are a lot of spirits out here, but to have a friend defend me means the world to me.

I have made pretty incredible friends out here in West Hollywood. Remember I told you God said “this land is yours?” I went from not knowing anyone to gathering the Lost Sheep. I’d be alone and I would wait in line and God would arrange for me to meet someone. Sometimes I’d break the rules and invite people to eat with me or ask people who were alone to eat with them. I’ve gotten yelled at so many times for breaking the rules.

The truth is- love doesn’t have rules. Love breaks the rules.

People are not evil. People have wounds and baggage and they just want love. I’ve learned to see past the evil. 

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Letting Go Of Toxic Relationships

person in yellow jacket standing on green grass field near mountain
Photo by Simon Migaj on Pexels.com

I feel like I’m suffocating

Like I’m drowning

I care for you and I can’t breathe

But I feel like you are a speck in the ocean slowly moving away

Walking away

I cry in silence

Sometimes loudly

Bawling

Yet you seem to feel nothing

And so I fade into the distance, I allow my heart to suffocate into the background

This is a familiar feeling

When I knew it was ending but I didn’t want to let go

I silently screamed into my pillow

I had given my all

And yet it was not enough

I’ve paid my dues, this time I’ll learn to let go faster than before

I feel like I’m drowning

But I can’t hear myself speak

I try to speak but words won’t come out because I still want your security even when it is false

I almost cried hearing his story

He walked away, angry, never crying

He said.

If I said how I felt, it wouldn’t be enough, what is the point, his pride would get in the way

This time, I’ll let go faster than I did before

So my heart does not suffocate from lack of air.

This time I’ll let myself be happy instead of pay a fine

This time I’ll walk out scotch free, this time I’ll choose myself, instead of pleasing him.

This time I’ll better myself by freeing myself

This time, this time.

And you’ll call me crazy, ridiculous, any words, any words.

But I hope you look in your heart and see that your refusal to be in touch with your heart is only a curse on your own soul.

Whoever he was, he is, they are all the same, the same lessons. They keep coming, they come in the form of tall and short, green or blue eyes, brown, they are all the same person walking in the same lesson.

Will you listen to your heart this time?

Or will you scream into the void?

Will you empty yourself until you have nothing left?

Will you try to break down a brick wall with your bare hands? Bloody and torn, those hands made to hold you, now depleted, destroyed.

He didn’t know it was coming last time, but it came like a storm and broke his cold stone heart, he wept for the first time. I broke his heart and it took years.

I didn’t know I had to let him go to open his heart, that was the only way to go, not to hold onto him, but to let him go.

I used to give all of myself to love someone, even if I only got 10% back.

I used to think it was my fault that someone wasn’t able to love me back, but I realize that some people have a small cup that cannot contain my bucket loads of love. 

My job is to find someone who can pour back into my buckets, instead of feeling depleted giving constantly.

I made the first move to reconcile with my dad after 10 years of not seeing him. I flew thousands of miles and hours to see him. Slowly we reconciled. I would fly back again after 2 years, more and more but every time I would be sad to leave, sometimes I was disappointed. Last time he couldn’t take me to the airport because he had a migraine.

No matter what, nothing seemed to be enough. Nothing I did could open up his heart to me.

So I would give all of myself to love someone, and most people only give back 10%.

What I learned is, find those who are willing to give love to you. 

I used to think it was my fault that people didn’t open up to me, that people didn’t love me, that my dad didn’t show love to me.

But I realize no, it’s not my fault. I tried my best and now I have to teach my heart to move on. I moved on from my dad, my mom, from my brother, from exes, from past friendships and I still learn to move on as I speak up and keep honoring my heart.

I kept trying to get love from people who didn’t have any to give.

And I realize very little people have that emotional capacity to express love.

God send me people that know how to express and give love without fear. I don’t have fear for fear has to do with punishment. Guide us into the right direction, to people who have love to give.

I stood up for myself this time. I spent 2.5 years allowing my heart to die to be with someone 6 years ago. I then encountered a man that reminded me of my ex. I had to learn to let go faster than I did last time. Because the same red flags came up. God will send the same type of person so you’d learn to stand up for yourself this time around.

The same situations will come up until you learn to overcome them and confront your worse fears.

Give to this ministry- Thank you! God bless! 

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