Why I Am Saving Myself For Marriage

I heard the Lord say “write it now”. It’s 7:51am here in Auckland.

More than anything, I want a family. I love babies and have been seeing a lot of babies lately. Because of what I didn’t grow up with- a wholesome family with two parents, I desire what I didn’t have.

As I was thinking about this, I felt heartsick. Not only have I been waiting for my husband, I’ve been waiting for sexual intimacy.

I’m a 31 virgin.

Sure I am not a prude and know more about sexual foreplay than most people who have sex – being honest and blunt here because people have a misunderstanding about “virgins”. And I understand my women parts more than most. And yes this is super honest, I know how to climax without intercourse. I’ve had my share of experience and yes I’ve dated men.

I knew how to masturbate at a young age. It involved a floor and my pelvis. Our women parts are intricate but not complicated. However why at a young age I learned to do it? I was lonely and my parents were not home most of the time so it filled a void in my heart.

Our sexual desires always reflects our hearts’ longings for emotional intimacy.

Why did I choose to wait to have sex until marriage?

Of course they taught this at church, but more than anything I wanted to save my heart for my husband.

Because as years went by I saw how broken hearted my friends were after a one night stand.

I had guys tell me “why would I call her again, I already slept with her” as if it was a movie he watched already or a bucket list item.

If we are honest here, any type of physical contact marks our hearts and causes a bond.

I don’t save myself out of guilt or condemnation because there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

I have waited this long because I know I’m worthy of love, not just lust or physical attraction. I respect myself too much to give into a physical desire.

And women are actually moved by words, affirmation more than anything. An intimate and supportive emotional connection turns a women on more than touch. She is wired for emotional connection. She is wired by a sense of security, a man who cherishes and loves her and opens his own heart to her.

A woman desires a man to be vulnerable, open, communicative.

So as I put my story out here, I want to encourage all those who are waiting. Even if you’ve decided to be celibate until marriage, it’s worth the wait.

Any man who will in an instant sleep with you doesn’t respect you.

A man who truly loves you will wait, and not only for you, but for his own heart.

What I’ve found is that men will stop respecting you when they know they can get your in pants instantaneously but they will somehow have an emotional attachment to you when they know you’re not “easy”.

And if you didn’t wait, that’s okay.

All things are new in Christ Jesus. He does not condemn anyone. He loves you.

But you are worth more than a physical release – which to be honest, is often what sex is for some guys. They’ve shut their hearts down so much, they think one physical release can satisfy their shut down hearts. It’s like all this pent up emotions they can’t seem to express with words.

I know this is an intensely personal post but I pray it may bring some relief to your heart.

God loves you and wants the best for you.

You deserve the best.

I am by far perfect. One of my top love language is touch so you can imagine my struggle. But I know God’s best is out there for me and I’m meeting him soon.

I wanted to add that in order to live out God’s best for you you must receive Jesus into your heart. When you know Jesus died on the cross for you and you are no longer an orphan, the Holy Spirit dwells within you and causes you to transform from the inside out.

He will supernaturally heal your heart, take you away from bad habits and harmful desires. It’s all Him, not self discipline! His grace changes everything!

The more you understand grace, the more your life will improve!

Today if you haven’t received Jesus into your heart ask Jesus to enter your heart, trust that He has taken all your sins and mistakes on the cross and you are free now, a child of God, uncondemned!

Has this blog post encouraged you? Has my ministry empowered you? Consider sowing a seed and partnering with me to bring light to this world and the souls in it!

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Cash app- $gugibabu

Thank you!

Rebekka

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You Are Enough

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Divorced parents? Check.
Failed businesses and careers? Check.
Been on an island with a few bucks left? Check.
Been rejected and outcasted? Check.
Considered running away and ending my life? Check.
Heartache, betrayal, brokenness? Check.
Debt and poverty? Check.
Feelings of unworthiness and lack? Check.
I’ve been through almost every kind of issues or challenges that life could throw my way. Even though I might only be 31, God has delivered me from issues that I can’t even describe until you get on a call with me. The hardships that I went through made me stronger.
I might not have a million dollars and live in a big house on top of a hill but what the Lord has showed me is that wherever you are, you are enough and not lacking. And your worth is not dependent on what you have or where you are in life, but who you are- a child of God.
So what qualifies me? The grace of God.
The finished work of Jesus on the cross. It’s not because my life is always together, I am not perfect, I am vulnerable, needy, challenged at times, scared at times- but Jesus has finished the work on the cross and because of that, I am enough, I am not lacking, I am whole, complete, without blemish in God’s eyes.
I am not working to be more or enough, I am enough because He finished the work.
I want you to get there, to get to the point where you can continue looking yourself in the eyes and say “I am enough”- no matter how much someone accuses you of being less than, no matter how much your parents pressure you to be more “successful”, no matter how much money is in your wallet, no matter what situation you are in life- you, are, enough. Period.
So why do you even need a coach?
Sometimes life can hit you so hard continuously that you think “I am not enough…because this and that happened to me, because my parents abused me, because my friends betrayed me, because my ex cheated on me, because my ex lied to me, because I grew up poor, because we couldn’t afford anything, because…..”
We think circumstances define us and tell us who we are; but the truth is- your circumstances don’t define you and it does not tell you your worth.
Your worth shouldn’t change based on what circumstances you are in, your worth is immovable. You can be sleeping in your car and the Lord will still reassure you “you are enough”. His presence is just as powerful.
Life hit me enough times for me to say to the Devil “I am enough no matter what you try to throw at me”.
Rejection hit. Ridicule hit me. My own family accused me. My friends betrayed me. Debt hit me. And I thought, I’m not able to fix anything, I’m helpless. That was exactly where God needed me.
He says “my grace is sufficient for you. My power is made perfect in your weakness”.
So you think your life has fallen apart?
That’s a good place to be, His grace is sufficient. Think you don’t have what it takes? Perfect, look to the cross, look to His finished work, not your insufficiency or inadequacy.
I realized that I had to be broken down to my knees for me to realize how powerful God’s grace truly is. If I could have accomplished anything on my own, I would’ve said “I did it myself”.
Rebekkalien@gmail.com
Want to chat? Shoot me an email. Coaching sessions are via Facetime, Skype or FB messenger.
I prophesy that the most powerful and successful businesses, ventures are not those that pride in their own strength, but those who boast nothing but in the finished work of the cross.
Give-

 

Walking By Faith, Not Sight

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Writing from Nelson, New Zealand

Another day of following the Holy Spirit with my bag and suitcase.

Not comfortable. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and just went to pray, I couldn’t stop crying. I didn’t have enough for a hostel the next day and today the Lord said “It’s time to move on”. I prayed for a few people and told my testimony to an English guy.

Dying to myself is so hard.

I want to be comfortable, I want to have the security of finances, but I have to trust God alone. 

R represents me, G is God.

R- I’m scared that you will leave or abandon me. I can just imagine the worse case scenario, me lying on the street.

G- Trust me. I am leading you to the lost sheep. My ways are not your ways. I know you want to know how it’s going to happen, but my ways are not your ways.

R- Why me?

G- Because you are willing.

R- But it’s difficult.

G- In your weakness my strength is made perfect.

“Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

R- I tried everything didn’t I? I tried to fundraise, I tried couchsurfing. But your ways are not mine, so though my heart is unwilling, I submit to your ways.

G- Flow with my Spirit. I know that you want to run away, like Jonah. But you’re choosing to stay. Remember when you watched “Married At First Sight”? You have a choice to STAY OR LEAVE…yet every time you’re choosing to STAY. You’re choosing the safe path of following me. Though everyone else may think this is the unsafe and unsecure path, you are choosing the only path that matters, the path of life, the path of the Kingdom, my path.

This all makes sense now. Before I left Los Angeles to follow Jesus in search of lost sheep, to share Jesus with people….I kept having dreams about getting married.

I had dreams that I was wearing a wedding dress and getting ready on an airplane.

This was saying “Yes” the the Ring, the dress, the commitment to God. This was believing that God had the best intention for me, that His heart is love for me.

That as a husband, God will never leave nor forsake me.

So I’m not alone, though I may feel that everyone else has abandoned me. 

I am so thankful for the people that continue to pray and support me on this journey, but nothing compares to the presence of God. People are not constantly next to me to root me on. People are not there 24 hours to pray with me. Sometimes I feel like I really can’t go on anymore, I feel petrified. I have a few dollars, I don’t know what will happen but I’m choosing intimacy with God.

The Lord has just drawn me to a place of closer intimacy with His heart. 

G- I will do and go anywhere for one person, will you do that? Will you pour out your life for the sake of one?

R- yes I do and will.

G- You are my faithful warrior. Don’t give up, be brave and bold for I am with you. 

Yesterday I prophesied over a Thai man, I saw him doing graphic design. He was shocked. He asked me how I knew as he just returned from Wellington (where he was doing graphic design)- I said Jesus showed me.

G- You’re bringing them closer to me. The revelation of who I am, love.

R- What about me Lord?

G- I will never leave nor forsake you. Be brave and move forward. Walk in my spirit. Walk forward even when you don’t know what will happen.

R- I will hold your hand even when my heart is fearful. I will hold your hand into the dark, as you are my light.

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Give to the work of the Kingdom, to saving souls and changing lives. Thank you so much for your continual support.

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God Is Enough for You

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Writing from Perth, Australia- I have been through insurmountable circumstances on my journey, sometimes a sadness sinks in where I miss home, I miss my family. I’ve been away for 7 months and have barely talked to my family. The truth is I know that even the closest family member does not understand kingdom work.

And that’s okay.

I had to process the sadness and just sit with God. 

I could hear Him say “I am enough for you”. 

There are times we throw ourselves at friends, family, new friends, videos, phones, movies, shopping- anything but God.

We long for intimacy with our creator but we turn to everything but God. This journey has forced me to lean into God. 

As much as I love the family I am staying with, I knew this morning that the Holy Spirit was telling me that it was time to move on. You are enough, you are not lacking. My longing for a family or to belong can only be satisfied by God.

I belong to God and God is my family. 

People might understand you and love you, but only the Creator knows you from the inside out.

I wanted to stay here for a month, I wanted to continue in comfort but the Lord said “it’s time to move on, you’ve finished your work here”. My work was to prophesy to the ones I need to prophesy to. And instead of getting a phone with the money my mom gave me to buy a phone, I got a ticket to the next place the Lord was calling me to.

I felt a tinge of sadness. When am I ever going to get a phone?

The Lord asked me “why do you want a phone?”

“So I can have all access at anytime, to my friends and family”.

“I am enough for you”- He says.

He said that I will get a phone soon but then I needed to address the deeper longings. I’ve been officially without a working phone since October (since Japan). I know it seems impossible to travel without a phone but God has somehow made a way. I either borrow peoples’ phones or laptops or like today, I went to Big W (equivalent of walmart) and used their display phone.

I’m not kidding. I booked a flight on a display phone.

All things are possible with God.

Sometimes we think we are lacking something when in fact, we have everything we need to move forward.

That act of faith was in fact a breakthrough moment.

This night my friend told me a sister has decided to sow finances. Sometimes the breakthrough doesn’t come until we take that step of faith. Sometimes we are waiting for God to provide when HE will only provide if you trust Him and act on His word. 

Testimony-
Today I stopped someone at the mall and said “can I pray for you”. She said “how did you know I was lost….in life”.
I said “holy spirit”.
I prayed for her and saw people attacking and accusing her and I said that even so she must follow her heart. That the Lord is with her.

She started crying and said that she just left a broken marriage. That she loved her kids.

I said that she is in a season where she is finding her worth and identity.

On the bus the Lord pointed me to a young woman who had 4 kids. I then prayed for her. I asked her where her parents are and she said she had none, that she was a foster kid. She is 18 years old, has one kid of her own about 2 years old, 3 that are foster kids and she lives with a boyfriend who is 22 and refuses to work while she works.

I don’t even know how my heart can handle these stories but I have to lean in harder into God and focus on the finished work of the cross.

Give- Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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The Perfect Husband Does Exist

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Today I watched Dr.Phil talk to a woman who had almost been killed 2 times by her husband. He brought in a woman who had been set on fire by her husband. This woman warned the other woman.

“Do you believe you are worthy?” Dr. Phil said. 

Often times we live out what we believe about ourselves and when we don’t grow up with right examples, we live out our inner reality.

The other day I was at a mall and the Lord asked me to pray for a cleaner. After I prayed for her I noticed she had a black eye and asked her about it. She said “bad decisions”. “Is it a guy?” I asked. “yes”. She looked down. I said that if she left the guy the Lord will be with her to provide for her and to help her. That she is NEVER alone.

Then another day I was on a train and started to talk to a woman who was in a relationship with a man who called her names, names that you wouldn’t want anyone to call your daughter or friend. I told her approximately 10 times that she needed to break up with him. 

But I understand this all too well. I didn’t see my dad for 10 years and the unworthiness factor made me long for a guy’s attention. This manifested in dating the wrong guys, jerks, or putting myself in situations that were dangerous.

It was only until my ex, and meeting a lot of jerks that I finally said to God “I want nothing but you”. 

I stopped dating and suddenly all the jerks, guys disappeared from my life. Even cute guys disappeared from the street. They just didn’t appear at all.

Nothing and no one could have told me to stop, it was my feeling of “I’ve HAD ENOUGH” that caused me to stop wanting unsavory food. 

Falling in LOVE with God is a process. We don’t just fall in love with God, we have to make decisions that draw us closer to God. We have to let go of our own agendas, our own choices to allow God near our hearts. God will not break down your wall, you have to let Him in.

I’ve been single for 5 years. I’ve liked or been attracted to guys in the middle but essentially I said to God “you and you alone until you bring me my husband”.

This means crying to God when I feel alone, this means relying on God when money is dry, this means relying on God for protection on the road, this means telling Him my inner fears and rants.

Sanctification is a process. I’m not perfect, far from it. I’m weak but God is strong for me.

I wish I knew my worth back then but everything I’ve gone through taught me how to value myself. I am glad that God protected me enough that I didn’t get hurt to the extent that most people do. One thing I committed to myself was that I was going to save myself for marriage. I still did things that compromised my worth but never again.

When you’ve been through enough you’ll know when it’s time to turn to God alone. God is a better man than anyone will ever be for you. He will take care of you and your needs. He is attentive and He listens when others don’t. 

He will ease all your fears and He is reliable, He is trustworthy.

He is a good father, a good husband, a good friend.

“I love you. I will never leave nor forsake you. I am a good husband. I will take care of you. I will not cheat on you. I will hold your hand through the thick and thin. I will hold your heart in the palm of my hands and I will never let go. I am attentive to your needs and desires, I will not forsake you. I promise you this”- God

For your Maker is your husband—
    the Lord Almighty is his name—
the Holy One of Israel is your Redeemer;
    he is called the God of all the earth.
The Lord will call you back
    as if you were a wife deserted and distressed in spirit—
a wife who married young,
    only to be rejected,” says your God.
 “For a brief moment I abandoned you,
    but with deep compassion I will bring you back.
In a surge of anger
    I hid my face from you for a moment,
but with everlasting kindness
    I will have compassion on you,”
    says the Lord your Redeemer.

The perfect husband is Jesus. 

Give- Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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A Persevering Love

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A family I met in a cafe in Indonesia

I had a dream that I got married to someone God chose for me but I was doubtful that this man knew what I needed or wanted.

There are days where God tells me to pray for people but I withhold my heart because love can be tiring if you are not refueled by God.

Sometimes if we have the wrong view of God, in ministry, it’s easy to start seeing God as a tyrant.

“I am pushing your heart to come out of its cave and have no reserve, to live in the boldness of having an open heart”.

I can’t take it anymore, I have no more capacity to love – I tell God. I have no more boldness or capacity to talk to another stranger, to ask to pray for someone and risk them laughing at me or telling me no or looking at me like I am crazy.

As I write this I feel emotions welling up in my eyes as tears spring forth.

This is living with an open heart.

God is love and if we are to be more like God, God pushes our hearts to expand and to love in ways we cannot possibly love in our own flesh.

Because the truth is it’s all too easy to live l life in solitary confinement, but ministry for the last 7 months on the road, to almost 10 countries, living in 6-12 bed dorm rooms in close proximity to people have forced me to live with an open heart.

The music blasting from a club downstairs, a roommate that snores like guys fighting on the street, hearing the type of stories that make you feel like your heart is being poked out by a sword, it’s not easy to open your heart when you just want to be protected from the world, a world that is damaged, tired and worn out. 

After a few days, you have to cry.

Because you feel like your heart is being stretched like a rubber band and you start to feel numb. 

Today God kept telling me to pray for people and some I did, but I started getting really annoyed. I didn’t know what I was feeling but I said to God – “I feel unloved”.

I felt tired, worn out, exhausted.

There are times (like in the dream), I doubt whether God really knows what He is doing, especially with me.

But after taking a nap, I woke up and prayed for a guy whose leg was injured.

I also thought about how my roommate, when she started talking to someone on the phone with a friend, her face lit up….how we all are humans longing for love and when we feel unloved, we are unable to feel alive.

More than the things in the world, we long for human connection. We want to know that we are loved and appreciated.

And in that moment again I heard God say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.

Part of my thoughts also had to do with lack, feeling so stretched in having to trust God for the finances to go forward to every city. He often provides enough for this city, but then I usually don’t have the finances for the next city.

This kind of faith stretches me, this kind of life makes me trust on a level I never knew I could trust. 

But again His work is finished on the cross, and so I relax into His perfect plan.

Dear God- I won’t doubt you even though sometimes it’s hard to trust you. It’s scary at times, I feel that my heart can’t go on. I reckon this is what marriage looks like, this is what your love looks like. Your love is a love that never gives up. God fuel me right now with your love. I need to know that your love is enough for me and that your grace is sufficient for me. Without you, I cannot do nothing. Thank you for dying on the cross for me. Your love is enough for me. In Jesus name. Amen.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. Everyday I am ministering to and praying for people and sharing the love of Christ with them.

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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The Path of Intimacy

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The path of intimacy with Jesus requires that He prunes you (to cut off or cut back parts of for better shape or more fruitful growth- Mirriam Webster).

Jesus will prune you of things that are not of Him, unhealthy soul ties, attachment to things or status, a need for external things to validate your identity. 

He does this not because He is mean, but because He is good. First He has to prune you from what you think you need.

Because He is ALL that you need. And He is the only one that will complete you so that you become enough, whole, NOT lacking. 

He wants to give you ALL things, He wants to bless you and spoil you.

But He cannot do it when you are wanting it out of lack. Because in Christ you are not lacking. 

Imagine if you felt like there was something missing within you, so you go searching for it- in a relationship, in your career, in your finances, in material things, in fame, in status, in reputation, in how others view you….

You ask God to answer your prayers.

“God please give me this and that, please give me a husband, please please….because I don’t have enough and I am not enough….ultimately, because I don’t believe that you are enough”.

God wants to give you EVERYTHING, but He will make sure that LACK belief is out of your system before He blesses you. He wants that blessing to be a representation of WHO YOU ARE, not who you are not.

Ultimately, He wants you to know who He is in the process. He wants you to know His heart for you, He wants to sing over you versus you getting what you want and then walking away, then desperately praying for Him to deliver you when you are in a bind.

Are you willing to be solely committed to Jesus, as His bride? (even if you are a man)

Do you believe He will never leave nor forsake you? Will you walk with Him in the process instead of running away or only coming to Him when you are desperate?

A wife trusts, relies on her husband. Jesus who is whole and complete made you whole and complete with His sacrifice on the cross. You are not lacking one thing. 

When you believe you are whole, all things will be added unto you. Everything you could ever imagine and much more.