Overcoming Abuse

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This is a young man I ministered to and bumped into again on the train. The Lord told me to go to the beach and this man was also going there, but he was going to a shelter to shower because he did not feel safe to go home to a military christian home where there were many rules. I asked if he ever talked to his parents about how he felt and he said no, usually he just isolates himself. I said that he was worthy of love and he thanked me. I find that many young people turn to drugs because they feel condemned and not enough because of their parents’ rules and regulations. They need to know they are loved and not condemned.

I told my mom yesterday….a relationship isn’t about rules but communicating how you feel. 

I was emotionally constipated for 4 days. It is rare for me not to cry everyday recently. Even when I pray sometimes I start crying.

But I couldn’t cry.

My mom was yelling at me and telling me I was crazy, she didn’t believe I was hearing God and she told me I needed to see a psychiatrist or a doctor.

I asked her “is this my water bottle?”

She said “how would I know? I never drink from water bottles!” She yelled. She starts yelling and I have no idea why. She’s probably stressed about something else but I have no idea what. She won’t talk about her emotions or feelings so I get the end of that.

I feel like the walking dead, I feel like a zombie. I don’t understand how a mother can be like that.

I feel dead inside, and suddenly I hear “I want to die”. I start casting out a spirit of death. I need to get out the house.

I get in the car and drive. I call my friend and ask her to encourage me. She says “God loves you, you are beautiful, people love you” and that’s when I break down in tears after 4 days. 

I felt unwanted, that’s why. Everything I did or didn’t do was wrong to my mom. I felt like I was not enough and wasn’t doing enough.

I remember “yes I’m doing enough and I am enough”.

I said through my tears “when she yells at me I feel unwanted and unloved”.

Again, I had a dream about a phone being lost or broken, it usually has to do with communication. So I wake up with this feeling in my heart.

God tells me to tell her how I feel and I do, but it’s met with the same response of blame or shame. 

She wants to hide from her emotions, she wants to run and not feel and the best way for her to do that is to stay busy. Yet her knees hurt.

So when will you stop running and just feel the emotions?

God loves you, He will never leave nor forsake you.

I grew up feeling blamed and shunned for problems that were not my own so I would people please or mommy please because I thought it was my fault that they were angry, not realizing it had nothing to do with me. 

It’s taken a long journey of learning to speak my mind even when it doesn’t feel safe.

You are safe with me, says God. 

Come to me and cast your cares on me. You are safe here with me. 

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Prophetic Word- Come Out Of The Belly Of The Fish

PROPHETIC WORD/Singing-
“COME OUT OF THE BELLY OF THE FISH”

Come out of hiding and be vulnerable. You’ve been running away from me for too long, says the Lord.

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“Jonah and the Whale,” oil by Herbert Mandel

“People are not listening to me anymore, they’re listening to the news.”- Jesus

“They’re running the other direction because it is safer in peoples’ eyes. 

Don’t be afraid to speak up and speak the truth”.

Why are you afraid of the storm when I have already calmed it.

Close the windows to fear and the news. 

I just wanted to share this prophetic word again-

Prophetic word/dream-
I had a dream I was at my old baptist church and someone put a urn on the altar. They were worshipping death and putting death on the throne!!!! I said “no! What are you doing???” There was no one opposing and I only found one friend who agreed with me.
I also saw my single friend taking off her pants which means control and responsibility and God showing me and others in the dream not to take responsibility for anyone.
You are valuable.
You are worthy of love.
I see people pointing fingers at you telling you you’re wrong. This is how I’ve felt recently people accusing me of going out. The Lord says to me “keep living in freedom. You’re not doing anything wrong. I have not given you a spirit of fear. Fear is not from me. Keep setting people free from the bondage of fear”.
He showed me lots of demons whispering lies in people’s’ minds and using them to accuse. It’s a spirit of accusation. People are dying because of the spirit of death and I see people huddled in their homes agreeing with death.
“Yes death is king” I hear people say in their minds. “The news is real” I hear people say.
I see people agreeing with what they see, as they agree with it, the spirit of death comes and has power over them. There are demons saying “you’re going to die if you don’t put on masks and gloves, the world is not safe, stay away from people”.
“Come our of agreement!!!!!! Says the Lord!!!”
I have not given you a spirit of death or fear but of sound mind! Come out of agreement! Start prophesying life and speak life! Use your authority!!!
Where the spirit is there is freedom!
Plead the blood of Jesus over yourself and your family. The blood is king! The blood is king!
“People are not listening”- I
“It’s not your job to convince them, let me do the work, rest. I love you”- God
“okay”.
You don’t have to do anything out of fear.
God will never force you to do something out of fear, out of lack. He wants you to know that you are loved. You are my child. You are always enough in my eyes. Come feast on my love.
I love you says the Lord. I won’t force you to handle more than you want to. You are not a slave. You are not a captive, you are free.
Come feast on my joy. I give you a life of joy, not a life of obligation.
What are you doing out of obligation?
You are not responsible for peoples’ lives or emotions, let them go.
Oh and come feast on my joy.
It’s so good.
I only have consuming love for you.
You are not a slave, not an orphan but a child.
You are so loved.
I met another guy who was also Christian and he said his ex cheated on him.
Before I saw a Tesla and saw a man eating inside. I was afraid to talk to him but God told me to go back. I waved and said I was a Christian and god told me to talk to him. He turned out to be Christian too. I asked if he was scared of people because he was eating in his car and he said yes, the world is evil. He was scared and thus eating alone. I knew he was a lost sheep and tried to talk to him but he was in a hurry picking up food.
I managed to give him my website.
I could feel any fear of rejection breaking off.
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You did no wrong in loving. 


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Telling Your Truth Will Set You Free

Define What You Want and You Will Get It! – Husband/Wife

I realize that I kept saying “oh man, I keep meeting guys who are emotionally unavailable” but I realized through meeting men that I was emotionally unavailable.

When I met a guy who was open and vulnerable it scared me because I was afraid to lose that person. I was afraid that I couldn’t meet their expectations. An emotionally distant man felt safe. I wouldn’t get hurt. But the truth is, I did get hurt because I was sorely neglected in my emotions.

Neglect is a form of abuse to the heart. I know this because my dad doesn’t talk to me. I did not see him for 10 years but even after seeing him again, each time he disappears and never talks to me again….like we don’t know each other.

I was also not into Christian men because from church experiences, I felt that Christian men put religious rules and expectations on me. They were interested in my performance externally (like in leadership), versus my heart.

They would say “well, we expect more of you because you are a role model”. I don’t want that. I want someone who will love me for who I am.

I also noticed when I talked to Christian men they often wanted to prove themselves to me since I left everything behind to follow Jesus or I felt that they often wanted a prophetic word from me versus wanting to get to know me as a human being. They wanted to use me to solve problems in their life. They didn’t trust their heart, they’d ask me “what should I do?”

One time I had dinner with a Christian man and all he talked about was the end of the world and one world order. 

I was so tired, I said “don’t you have any hobbies? Can we talk about normal things now?”

I felt that Christian men talked about God like 24 hours, not just with guys, but girls too.

It’s like we are not taught to be a normal human being at church or that talking about anything else is ungodly.

Recently I walked past a Christian man who owns a laundry mat and he told me that some of the things I write about is “ungodly”. I said “like what?” He said “oral sex”. I was stunned. I don’t remember writing about it but I could have written about it. That is something I have experienced in dating, it’s not something I shout about from the top of the roof but I have become more honest about my past and I know that I am righteous in Christ Jesus.

So I told him that, and he tried to invite me to his church like going to his church will save me from ungodliness. I have been cleansed of all “ungodliness” by the blood of Jesus. And sex is not ungodly, God made sex. Anyways…

I have been made righteous by the blood of Jesus, not by my works.

Well, that conversation really frustrated me.

So apparently if we act like we are saints, we are more godly? No, we’ve been made right by the blood of Jesus. 

That’s why I want to be more honest….why is it that the church act like they don’t have a sex drive and they are embarrassed to talk about certain topics. I mean there are tons of people living in shame because they are addicted to porn.

If we can talk about things, the bondage of shame and guilt will leave….and people can come into the light and see that God loves them for who they are. 

It is only through relationship and knowing that you are loved for who you are (despite your past or habits) that you can experience unconditional love. In love, addictions are broken off. Tell someone your truth. Come into the light.

Addictions start from a place of not being loved for who you are. It begins in demands versus understanding. Addictions come from shame and guilt, not grace. 

When we preach the complete finished work of God, grace- people will understand and be set free from addictions.

I love you, XOXO!

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Are You Ready For Your Husband/Wife?

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I want a guy who asks me how my day was? What my hopes and dreams are? How am I feeling?

A man, not a boy. A man who cares about me, not just his ego. A man who wants to take care of me, make me feel loved. He is not egotistical, self-centered. He is able to be vulnerable and emotional. He is in touch with his emotions and know what he is feeling. He can feel his heart.

“How are you doing?” not just “what did you eat for dinner?”

And he listens, not just talks.

So many guys talk, they go on long monologues about things I’m not interested in. I want a guy to say “I love you, and you’re the only one I want to be with”. I’m the only love interest in his life, not another girl, another pretty face.

He sees my value and my worth. He sees that I am more than anything he owns on this earth, more than gold or dollar signs. 

He is willing to die for me and show that he cares, by listening, by talking, by conversing. He puts emotional connection first, not physical connection. Because without emotional connection, nothing else matters.

I want a man, not a boy. A man is not afraid of tears, he is in touch with his emotions even if he seems weak in peoples’ eyes. His vulnerability is his strength, he is willing to admit when he is sad or angry. He is willing to admit he feels jealous. But he won’t control, he will communicate his fears.

Are you willing to be vulnerable enough to admit that –

  1. You’re scared
  2. You miss someone
  3. You don’t want to seem like a fool but here’s all of your emotions
  4. You’re insecure
  5. Be honest and tell someone how you actually feel

Over the last few months God has taught me so much about what I want and how to be honest with people I meet, at any cost. This means that I have told my truth even though it may have hurt someone.

I want to be –

  1. Understood
  2. Heard
  3. Cared for

I have met plenty of self- centered men that only like me for my beauty or for how I make them feel.

The truth is – they should be interested in your dreams too, they should support you in what you want to do. 

A man who supports your dreams should ask you this-

  1. How can I help?
  2. How do you need to be loved?
  3. How can I make you feel secure?

and they communicate their emotions to you. They don’t run away from confrontation, they meet you half way. They show up.

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Let’s Talk About Dating!!!!!

When I was young, I was taught that God will just bring your husband.

You just had to sit there and wait.

LOL.

But what God has taught me in the last few years is that when you have triggers and issues related to men (for me) since I did not grow up with my dad and had many fears about marriage— God will graciously bring what you need to heal those wounds.

God has brought me many divine appointments to show me that there are good men out there. He has taught me how to communicate and relate to a male. He has shown me why some males have trouble communicating their emotions and what they struggle with.

Here were my fears –

  1. That someone will disappear and walk away (a fear of loss).
  2. I felt that people didn’t care about me, and instead of conveying how they felt….they disappeared (again).
  3. That if I got emotionally close to someone and it was a male, they had to be my future husband….because if I got close to someone who wasn’t my husband then well, they’d end up liking me or vice versa…and that was ultimately bad…since you would have to separate from each other. So better not to take the chance. And also because I had a close guy friend that I thought liked me, but ultimately got a girlfriend (so I read the cues wrong but God protected me).

What I have learned to do in the last years-

  1. Tell a guy if I liked him or was attracted to him. Be vulnerable and tell him how I felt even if he did not like me back. This has helped me to overcome any fear of rejection. 
  2. Tell a guy if he was not my future husband and brace the reactions, even if it was bad.
  3. Tell the truth at all times. 

So I think churches don’t teach that stuff at all. 

Churches teach “avoid” at all costs. They don’t teach honesty. They don’t teach people how to confront issues and bring up the issue. What I learned from church was “just avoid dating. Only date the guy if he’s going to be your husband”.

Dating is really about getting to know a person. If after a date, or a coffee date….he is not what you’re looking for, it’s okay to tell the truth and move on! Perhaps a lot of people are scared to date because they’re scared of rejection or getting their heart broken.

Dating isn’t about avoiding the truth, it’s about telling the truth! Some people are scared to date because they’re scared to hurt someone….so they just disappear or ghost and there are a lot of unresolved issues because of that. 

I’ve seen that the more honest and direct you are, the better.

Some people settle because they think “this is good enough”.

But you deserve the BEST! 

So why not put yourself out there. It’s not about getting it right. It’s about living in freedom and expressing love.

I have told plenty of people that they are attractive or that they are kind and loving. I have told people that they are amazing. Why not? And I’ve been vulnerable too, and I’ve been hurt. But why live with fear?

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Prophetic Word- Sing A NEW SONG! Pioneers RISE!

I find it so hilarious that people are posting negative comments on my blog. Just know that I don’t read negative comments. I delete them.

Sing a new song! Pioneers arise!

Don’t stay silent!

Don’t stay muzzled! God is releasing a new song through you and it’s going to SHIFT AND CHANGE atmospheres! Keep speaking truth and life! 

Keep shifting and changing atmospheres!

Don’t submit to fear! Yes! Don’t submit!

ROAR! SPEAK UP!

 

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Communicating with Parents, Coronavirus Lost Sheep

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I have a hard time communicating with my mom. She just doesn’t understand me. I felt rejected and unloved because she’s always against me, especially following God the way He has led me.

I talk to people all day and I will share stories with her.

She replies “why do you care about them, you don’t even know them. Mind your own business”.

I said “God led me to them, God cares about them”.

The conversation usually ends there where I’m mad that she doesn’t care about anyone but herself, I’m mad that she doesn’t understand what I do. But the Lord has been helping me to be patient with her. It’s easy to stop communicating and talking because we feel like “what’s the point, they’re just not going to get it”….But I pray the Lord gives you patience.

Your VOICE MATTERS! 

When she says that the people I minister to are weird, I feel like she is directly attacking me. Because these are people God cares about. I told her how I feel.

Testimony –
Yesterday the Lord told me to drive to see a friend and we were driving about and I felt to turn and saw a guy coming out of a road side. I heard the Lord say give him a ride. I asked if he needed a ride and he said no that he was having a bad day so I started following him like a creeper.
He started to open up and said his parents are horrible. They kicked him out because he believes in God. He said some things like his brother lived across the street. Etc. but he has no family. He kept saying that. But I told him to ask his family for help.
I felt a spirit of rejection on him.
We got out and gave him a hug and said that the Lord loves him and not to be discouraged. He said he never had someone stop and give him a hug.
I realize that it’s quick to feel rejected when we are misunderstood but that doesn’t mean your parents don’t love you.
It’s important to explain your point of view and not be quick to dismiss.
Yesterday the Lord had me the following people-
1. On the train I met a guy who I saw verbally fighting with someone at the beach. He was Muslim and the Lord said “ask about his dad”. He said his dad was in prison for 20 years for something he didn’t do.
2. I met another man who I saw his parents yelling at him in a vision. At first he denied it but later said his parents were in the military and really strict. That it was like water and oil, they didn’t mix. I said sometimes I don’t want to go home because my mom doesn’t get me. He said he understood.
3. I bumped into another guy I met on the bus. He’s deaf. He seemed really sad. The lord said “ask him to speak up” and I said “God told me to ask you to speak up”. He kept insisting on typing. Later he said he liked someone who had a boyfriend and he said there’s no use in speaking up. He said the music at work was loud and he can’t speak up.
I kept saying “your voice matters”.
And I realize I was speaking to myself. That I needed to speak up to my mom even if she didn’t understand.
5. I prophesied over my friend and this is a word for me and for you.
“There’s a new door opening. People have rejected you but go to the new door where people will celebrate and love you for who you are. God is knocking down the wall you’ve built due to hurt. Go through the new door!!! Follow the spirit!! I said even if your family doesn’t understand, you need to know you’re loved by them. Learn to express the pain”.
As I said that I saw a sign with where he was supposed to go and it started to rain right when I spoke.
Prophetic word/dream-
I had a dream I was at my old baptist church and someone put a urn on the altar. They were worshipping death and putting death on the throne!!!! I said “no! What are you doing???” There was no one opposing and I only found one friend who agreed with me.
I also saw my single friend taking off her pants which means control and responsibility and God showing me and others in the dream not to take responsibility for anyone.
You are valuable.
You are worthy of love.
I see people pointing fingers at you telling you you’re wrong. This is how I’ve felt recently people accusing me of going out. The Lord says to me “keep living in freedom. You’re not doing anything wrong. I have not given you a spirit of fear. Fear is not from me. Keep setting people free from the bondage of fear”.
He showed me lots of demons whispering lies in people’s’ minds and using them to accuse. It’s a spirit of accusation. People are dying because of the spirit of death and I see people huddled in their homes agreeing with death.
“Yes death is king” I hear people say in their minds. “The news is real” I hear people say.
I see people agreeing with what they see, as they agree with it, the spirit of death comes and has power over them. There are demons saying “you’re going to die if you don’t put on masks and gloves, the world is not safe, stay away from people”.
“Come our of agreement!!!!!! Says the Lord!!!”
I have not given you a spirit of death or fear but of sound mind! Come out of agreement! Start prophesying life and speak life! Use your authority!!!
Where the spirit is there is freedom!
Plead the blood of Jesus over yourself and your family. The blood is king! The blood is king!

Unconditional Love

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We all need love but when we have been hurt we don’t want to open up again.
Love needs to invade the walls of self protection and when unveiled, we feel vulnerable and open to pain or attack.
Sure it hurts. But then we rise again.
Recently a situation with a guy I met helped me see that my heart was shut down because my dad doesn’t talk to me. I’ll open my heart to connect but then suddenly it’s like he doesn’t care anymore. It’s like I don’t exist. I had to reach out to the guy to understand why he didn’t text or call me. We had to communicate. A part of me thought what’s the point, we are not going to be together. But it really did help, I didn’t feel ignored and I felt loved to hear truth.
Honest truth.
I grew up feeling emotionally shut down, sometimes depressed. I thought God was ignoring me. I wouldn’t let people in and when I did, it hurt and sometimes when I told the truth, most people left.
The truth was too much for them. They wanted me to be silent. They wanted me to fit in. They wanted me to be what they expected of me. They liked me when I didn’t speak up, when I conformed.
They attacked me for being different.
I was attacked my whole life for standing out, so I shut down and people pleased.
Then when God told me to speak up, I lost friends, I got persecuted, I was rejected, I was judged.
I lost everything that was false. I sold everything to follow Jesus. I got rid of my car and my apartment. Everything was a facade of success. I was struggling to pay my bills, I was broken inside. When I did that people criticized me. They didn’t understand I was being set free from what bond me.
Conditional love.
I had only experienced conditional love. The type of love that loves you only when you conform and fit in. The type of love that only loves you when you listen to them.
That was the bondage, the spirit of lack.
I never experienced being loved for who I am.
And now as I’m coming out of hiding, I tell my complete truth, I need help, I’m not perfect.
I want to be loved for who I am, not the perfect me, the me now. Enough in God’s eyes, whole in God’s eyes.
Unconditional love.

I Need Your Help!

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Okay, apparently I don’t know how to be helped or to ask for help.

God keeps telling me to ask for help and it’s true. I do need it. I’m living alone right now and the quarantine is not helping. My mom should be back from work soon. I’m still on the streets meeting divine appointments as the Lord guides me but it’s still hard. It’s been a tough process. God has been healing me from father wounds.

I’m getting hate mail too, great, trolls. This time is making the crazies come out, they are criticizing me and everything I do. And I KNOW I AM ENOUGH IN CHRIST JESUS! 

I NEED YOUR HELP.
Here are ways you can help:
1. Donate to the ministry-
Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com
My testimony-
2. Pray-
Pray for my tongue, I bit on it and it hurts
Pray for good health and protection against anything
Pray for God to move in the hearts of those that I have met and will meet
Pray for God to heal my heart and to bring “family and my tribe” to me
3. Connect-
If you’d like to connect or pray with me, send me a message, we can skype, facetime, etc. I need all the emotional support I can get. If you’d like to meet too, let me know. God is bringing people together in this time and it’s really crazy to see how God is moving!!!
4. Send a word of encouragement by commenting below! 
How is GOD WORKING!???
Through this corona virus time, GOD IS ACTUALLY MOVING INCREDIBLY! Since people are feeling really alone, they are COMING OUT OF HIDING. God has been telling me to REACH OUT TO PEOPLE and people are responding. People are even revealing themselves by being triggered by my facebook posts.
Just this morning the Lord had someone think of me, and she reached out to me, and we talked on the phone. I prayed with this girl to accept Jesus at a gym! This happened to her yesterday with someone she had not talked to for 6 YEARS!
Yesterday I met a guy who just got kicked out by his girlfriend and I got to prophesy over him. The Lord told me to go see my friend so I took a train headed there but had to return something at Target. Well, when I walked out the train God told me to pray for him. He had tattoos and a backpack by his side, he was charging his phone.
I decided to walk past him but he said “where are you going?” 
I asked if he was Christian and he said yes.
I told him he needed to ask for help! His great grandpa had started a church but here he was with nowhere to stay. He said “I never ask for help”. Well, “now is the time to do so brother!” I also told him he was a pastor and preacher and God would use his story to help people.
This season IS FORCING PEOPLE to ask for help, to come out of hiding so they can reconnect or connect. 
Don’t BE AFRAID TO ASK FOR HELP in this season. IF you need someone to talk to- reach out. Let’s bring the bride of Christ together. Let’s “buy the house” and invest into the kingdom. The church is the body of Christ. Let’s operate like a real family and reach out to those who need help and help those who need it.
Love, Rebekka

 

Funny Cartoons About The Church, Grace and Jesus

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When people listen to a pastor or an institution more than Jesus’ voice.

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When you get persecuted by Christians for following Jesus. -.-!

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When I tell people that God told me something…..some people kill the messenger.

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When you try to live under the law and God has already made you whole, so that you are no longer performing or trying to do the right thing, or trying to be better, you live from a place of grace and wholeness (and not paranoia, thinking you are always trying to be right with God)…you are already right with God.

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Can you relate? Please share or comment on this blog post! Let’s share the grace and freedom of God! 🙂 I also started a patreon below if you’d like to join. To give to the efforts of this ministry, in spreading the FREEDOM AND JOY of the Lord, links are below. THANK YOU SO MUCH for building the house of God! 🙂 

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