The Tension of Being Misunderstood and Following Jesus

Screen Shot 2020-02-14 at 10.03.02 AM

I feel the tension of birthing.

Do you?

I feel the tension of seeing God move, He’s leading me to numerous people everyday. People are getting set free, they’re receiving clear prophetic words from God through me, they are getting delivered from fear…and yet at home I am seen as a “jobless” nomad.

Then there are the critics.

The pharisees.

My mom thinks I am out and about everyday literally just doing nothing.

I can’t explain it enough to her, I tell her the miracles, I tell her about the divine encounters I have, but it’s still not enough. 

And He said, “To you it has been granted to know the mysteries of the kingdom of God, but to the rest it is in parables, so that SEEING THEY MAY NOT SEE, AND HEARING THEY MAY NOT UNDERSTAND.” Luke 8:10 

God open the eyes and cast out the deaf and dumb spirit that is trying to oppress the truth.

And when God tells me to ask people for donations, again I’m met with criticism. Why? Because God is exposing their hearts.

I am just listening to God, if I feel led to ask, I ask. I don’t have qualms about it. I have to eat too. But more so God is trying to set people free from bondage. So you can accuse me all you want, but are you willing to be set free?

There is a spiritual stronghold in people sometimes, those needed to be broken off, a fear of lack, a fear of not being enough, a spirit of mammon. People rely on their money and possessions more than God. So I’m the messenger, I become the bad guy. And well, I get all the lashings and it hurts. The accusations come, the guilt trips, the “you’re not doing enough”.

Not only should I be reaching out to people, talking to them, healing them, encountering all kinds of spiritual warfare, but now I need a part time job since people are not willing to give? 

I am out almost 10-12 hours a day on the streets.

And you know the funny thing is?

God will keep closing the doors.

This morning my friend and I were supposed to go deliver flowers as a gig. My mom and her dad complained that “oh it’s not worth it, because well you will waste gas” (again speaking from a fear of lack).

We sent the info they needed, I went in to talk to the woman several times. God showed me she was in desperate need of rest. Why? A spirit of lack (living under the law) will make you feel like you are never enough. This has to do with fallen mankind. Since we are born into a broken world, we are imperfect….we are always trying to become more by being more but it is never enough.

Again, this is the spirit of the law. The spirit of the law will drive you to live like a slave. You will be worn out and you will always try to rely on money for security but you will never feel secure. You will never feel like you are enough or have enough.

Last night I called again and the lady said that they had enough drivers. God closed the door, He said you need to rest. 

Before that the Lord had a divine appointment for me. He had me prophesy to a man that he was supposed to be a preacher. God showed me his heart was broken and he was surprised “how did you know, my wife cheated on me!” We talked for 1-2 hours. As we talked I felt my heart get tenser and tenser and eventually I started crying. I felt the holy spirit wash me. The Lord provided what I needed through this man so that I would no longer need to deliver flowers. 

Why? Because when you work for God and you’re following His agenda, you will be provided for.

That is what He told me when He first told me “you are a shepherd to lost sheep”

I asked the Lord “how will I live?”

The Lord said “I will provide”.

“Jesus gave them this answer: “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.” John 5:19 

After I went to San Gabriel, I then was dropped off in Pasadena by that man who was giving up his whole life to Jesus. I took the bus to Arcadia, then the Lord told me to go back to Pasadena.

On the bus a man sat in the back of the bus. I sat near him and started talking to him. He said he was 16 years old, half my age.

“Hey you should be a model, you have the looks for it”- me

“Actually I do acting”- him

“OMG I knew it!” – I said.

I said that I was a Christian and a prophet…he said that he took psychedelics and it opened his eyes to seeing how bad he was before, he was self involved and the center of attention, he was selfish. I said that under grace he was forgiven if he chose to accept. He no longer needed to be punished for his sins. I asked if he wanted to pray and he said “yes”. So we prayed to receive the whole forgiveness of God, not just half or in part. 

I told him that I always wanted a little brother as I have never seen my half brother.

It was late already but God told me to go to Glendale. 

Oh great God. 

I kind of wanted to go home but a part of me was filled with so much energy.

I went, worrying a bit about how I would get home. Buses don’t run that late.

He said “you’ll get a ride”.

I kept trying to “find” the divine appointment, I guess I thought it would be like last time. You know…I even tried to text someone I met in Glendale last time, but God had other plans.

Eventually I took a Lyft home and the driver of course was a lost sheep. We went to go eat after and she told me that she was raped 10 years ago. I mean it was intense for me. I prayed and prophesied over her. I saw that she would preach and share her testimony to many women. I could feel this false responsibility trying to weigh me down. My shoulders started to hurt.

I feel the tension of birthing, building the church.

I feel the ease of flowing with His spirit but I also feel the overwhelming problems and needs of people. 

I feel the approval and love of people that I’m meeting, their belief as I prophesy to them and they’re transformed by God but also the disapproval of my mother who is trying to tell me almost everyday to live a normal life, to be driven by financial security in the world’s eyes.

So a part of me just wants to move out already, but God hasn’t allowed it.

It’s not that God is cruel or a tormentor.

I know it’s because He is training me, to find peace in the whirlwind, to know He is always with me, that I am never lacking…that I am not to be driven by a fear of lack, the agenda of people, expectations from my mother, but to follow His voice alone. 

And there’s more….

being driven by obligation versus desire. I catch myself too. Am I doing things out of desire or obligation?

Am I doing something because I feel sorry for someone or am I doing it because I want to?

Choose Joy.

You won’t be accepted or understood by everyone, but know that I accept and approve of you- Jesus. 

Sow a seed, thank you for your partnership in setting people free! 

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Cashapp-gugibabu

Monthly Partnership- https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

Youtube

It Is Worth It To Forsake My Own Life For Lost Sheep

Testimony of God’s divine appointment.

God told me to go to Pasadena, then to take the bus home, this man stepped out at the same stop as me, he told me he just buried his mom last week. He was the man I was supposed to meet taking that bus.

Of course I didn’t want to wait at night in the cold for a bus, of course I was impatient with God and complaining to God. But the Lord showed me that love conquers the inconveniences. I had been deeply discouraged by the lack of funds lately, a cold came on, I mean I almost wanted to stop caring about people or to reach out to folks. I was mad at God for putting me through so much. I thought that I should stop ministering to people…but now I realize it was the devil trying to discourage me all along.

This man said that I was an angel and thanked me for deeply caring for him.

The Lord is showing me the importance of forgiving and releasing bitterness because life is so short.

Before that, God had told me to go to the mall and He very specifically told me to eat at a restaurant. Someone had just sown $40 in the morning so I can actually eat out.

I sat down to eat and this manager said “why are you eating alone?”

I felt offended. Later I confronted him and he said he was sorry, his grandpa just died and he just flew back from Korea. I said that whenever I eat alone, people make strange comments and I feel less than because of it. I’ve had waiters move me when groups of 2 or more arrive. I felt disrespected as a party of 1, like I was less than at some restaurants. He said that that was definitely wrong and he was only joking, as he often ate alone too.

Strangely, I had just watched a Korean reality show about a grandpa and his granddaughter (Na Rae Park on I Live Alone, she recently won the Grand Award in Korea). I told him he should be an actor and that he had nice skin. He gave me free plum juice.

Then I met another waitress who told me her twin sister was Christian but she wasn’t. We had fun watching my reality show appearance on Married by Mom and Dad.

When I went home, I noticed a man at the bus.

I told him he was a pastor and he was going to travel around preaching. He was surprised to hear that. I asked where he was from and he said Mexico.

I said “are you from Guadalajara?” 

He was stunned.

“How did you know?” 

“It literally just came to me, God told me. God can speak to you too”.

He couldn’t get past it, nor could I. This kind of accuracy, well, I don’t expect it all the time. God has upgraded my prophetic gifts a few times. 

I used to just pray for people, then God gave me visions, then He gave me words of knowledge. When I got visions for people, it was so accurate I was stunned.

I was in Bali, I met two Indians and I saw one climbing mountains- he was shocked “I live in a city full of mountains” and the other one I saw him dancing to music and he said he was a musician.

That was the first time I got accurate visions for people.

Since then, my gifts have increased….but not with severe obedience.

What I mean by severe obedience is that I PERSEVERE despite the trials- I have gotten sick 3 times in one season already. I had severe diarrhea the other night. I encounter spiritual warfare and feelings of discouragement. I get attacked by the spirit of lack and there has been times of severe lack of money to continue ministry (recently too).

I mean, I’ve been through it all.

Yet, when I met this man, I felt that it was all worth it. My lost sheep. These are people who maybe no one else would reach out to. They wouldn’t go to a church to say they’re sad. They wouldn’t reach out to a clique at church, no, they are often alone.

And these are the people I reach, for better or worse. They are worth it to God. The 1 out of the 100, the lost sheep who have been wounded and outcasted.

Writing this is making me cry.

You’re not alone. Whoever you are.

You may feel alone but you’re not. 

I understand your pain.

I love you deeply and sincerely.

There have been so many times I just complain to God. I ask Him why it’s so hard, why I keep following Him when people are persecuting me? 

Sometimes I tell Him I hate him, why did He put me through all this?

But then I meet a hurting man/woman and suddenly God breaks all my walls. 

Love conquers all.

It’s really hard work….I wasn’t called by a church, I was called by God and I listen to voice everyday. I don’t have an agenda to control anyone, to tell anyone how to be, I just listen to His voice. I answer to Him alone.

So the religious spirited people may question me, they may accuse me, beat me up….

But there is something more powerful – Love. I’m not patient all the time, God really tries me. I mean I don’t know how I persevere, but it’s His grace.

It will all makes sense, it is all worth it, don’t give up.

I love you very much.

Would you consider giving a donation to the ministry please click links below. I appreciate your love and support.

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Cashapp-gugibabu

Monthly Partnership- https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

Youtube

 

 

 

God Loves To Trigger Me

black-and-white-black-and-white-branches-cloudy-216695

I woke up with a stuffy nose. I had all these ideas in my head.

My mother prepared breakfast, I wondered why she was so nice, was it because I was sick?

When she left I immediately burst out crying.

Yesterday God prepared a trigger for me. Thanks God. I hate you sometimes. Just being honest.

I met these two women who both had kids. One woman had a God tattoo and she was telling me how she needed alone time at the korean spa, “me time”. I’m thinking well how is being with a friend alone time, but anyhow, she said “sometimes I tell my kids, ‘are you going to throw me in an old people home because you never care for me!?'”

Immediately I said “my mom says things like that all the time, things like ‘wait until I die, you’ll appreciate me then’, you should not use guilt to make someone love you. Otherwise they will run away”. 

I suddenly got angry and I didn’t want to look at her anymore. I felt like she was the enemy.

I sat down to eat and saw them a few tables away.

God told me “go eat with them”.

I said “no God”.

He proceeded to annoy me, which He often does, what a kind God He is.

Finally I felt so annoyed and I knew it was fear in my heart, I asked if I could join them.

I bluntly said “God told me to tell you how I felt”.

So with a slightly awkward start I said…

“I felt triggered when you said that thing about your kids. My mom always says things like that and I get really angry because it is a guilt trip”. 

They agreed, they listened. But then I learned that her mother died 4 years ago. She said that it taught her to appreciate her mom more. She wished she was nicer to her.

Well, then they tried to guilt trip me. I’m sure it was not their intention but I’m sure they felt condemned too, I mean the whole “I wasn’t a good daughter while my mom was alive” is also condemnation, because we are righteous by the blood of Jesus, not by our works.

Hey I know I’m not perfect, but I got angry when they asked me “so if your mother died tomorrow would you feel like you’ve done enough for her?”

Seriously?

Yes. I would. I obeyed God and moved in with her when I didn’t want to. Yes, I’ve done enough to reconcile with her. Sure, this was bringing up a lot of anger towards the words my mother used to guilt trip me, and sure I needed to forgive her for that, but I was not to feel condemned over “not doing enough” because I know that’s not from God.

And even if you never did enough for your mother, you are still righteous in God’s eyes.

You have been made whole by HIS SACRIFICE, not yours.

But I knew I had to go confront my mother about it. When I finally went home I told her how it made me angry when she used death to guilt trip me. I told her she needed to stop cursing herself or threatening me.

Fine, stop talking about it- my mom said.

This morning she was all nice to me.

I think she felt guilty about it.

Well, at least I finally confronted this. For 31 years of my life, I never told her that it bothered me.

What do you have to confront in your life?

I had a dream I told my ex friend-

“Come here, let me tell you why I blocked you.”

I unfriended her because she gossiped too much and ruined my friendship with my best friend.

I had another dream of a withered tree and squishies started growing on them and there was a free rack of books, papers and workbooks. I was amazed.

When I tried to sleep again I saw myself floating in an ocean in Hawaii. That was the only way I could find relief, and then tears. I told my friend I wanted to take her to Hawaii, but this is what we long for, rest. 

man-in-black-shorts-in-water-3544412The tears may come, let them come.

shallow-focus-photography-of-body-of-water-1684991

Let the water of grace wash you clean, your heart from the bitterness and anger of yesterday. photo-of-coconut-tree-on-seashore-1576955Let’s go to Hawaii (in the Spirit) where His grace is sufficient. abstract-adventure-bright-canvas-2397652Let it all wash away.

Let it all wash away.

It’s okay now, I forgive you, I forgive myself. Even though I wasn’t understood by those women, I was heard. And that is all that matters. I told them how they reminded me of every pastor or leader who talked down to me, who tried to tell me who to be and what to do, but did not trust that God was speaking to me. They wanted to control me, not guide me.

I felt the heat and the anger…

But through crying, tears, let it all wash away.

“You don’t have to be understood, but you do deserve to be heard”- God.

If you like to make a donation to the ministry please click links below. I appreciate your love and support.

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Cashapp-gugibabu

Monthly Partnership- https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

Youtube

Holy Spirit Moves 2020

84604990_628121827950347_3093227445055127552_n.jpg

Mr. Hiroshi Yamamoto – Olympic Archer from Japan

The last couple of days were super crazy.

A couple days ago, I went to this Tokyo event and met a lady who was a filmmaker. Immediately I saw that I had a dream about her. I was asking her in the dream if editing was easy and she said yes and showed me. This event was “prophesied” to me also through this editing job a friend posted. I knew nothing about editing and thought that I wanted to learn….and then God brought an editor to me so I don’t have to learn it! (not right away anyway).

We both had this vision to create a short webseries featuring Japan, she encouraged me to go talk to the right person about it. I didn’t want to jump into anything but she said “sometimes when a door is open, you must just jump”. 

She said “everything will come easy to us”.

That night I saw a smiling and bold Japanese woman dancing in a group and went to dance with them, turns out the director of the tourism group was dancing in that group. I then told them about our idea. I asked the woman if she was Christian and she said she was Catholic. When I looked her up she was actually an actress that I’ve seen on TV.

That night both the filmmaker and I won hotel nights in Tokyo. No kidding. God does provide. 

Last night I had a dream I went to Taiwan and met with a childhood friend. Not only did I meet a Taiwanese girl who was 9 MONTHS PREGNANT (this is significant) on the Lyft ride today but at night the Lord told me to go to Ten Ren Restaurant and I met a Taiwanese girl who was also Christian. The food was not great and I felt led to leave, so I told them and they kindly voided my transaction (when I wanted to at first sit there and eat food that was too salty I heard the Lord say “fear of rejection”, meaning when we don’t speak up for what we want, it’s because we are afraid of rejection or disapproval).

I also met a man who was studying Chinese….

“Are you Irish?” I asked.

“YES”

“OMG” – Jesus got it right again. I said that I’ve been watching Conan since last night and he is Irish. He was often alone studying Chinese, I could tell he had a hard time relating to people and opening his heart.

So I left Ten Ren and went to a bakery.

While I was talking about my incident at Ten Ren to the cashier and man angrily yelled “THERE ARE PEOPLE WAITING IN LINE”. He yelled to me.

I was shocked. I looked around and saw that others were also staring at him.

I told him that I was sorry but he did not need to yell.

He said “well, you’re f@#$king wrong”.

I then left the cafe but decided to go back as I was not going to be intimidated. The Lord showed me that he was hurt and that’s why he lashed out.

I am telling my friend about this incidence when my phone dies.

Right away I see an employee walk out. I follow her and ask her if she heard the man yelling. She said she didn’t but she felt sorry for me. We chit chatted and I suddenly asked “would you be able to give me a ride home?”

Now when we got in the car I learned that she was also Catholic and I said that I saw a vision of her singing and she said she loves to sing. I said that she was also an artist. She said that she could feel negative auras from people.

Now more incidences like this have happened in my lifetime, everyday, but I felt a strong breakthrough in the Spirit today.

Why?

Well, fundraising have been extremely slow. In fact, funds were so low I didn’t think I would be able to go out at all. In fact, I had to fundraise for food money. But then I had a dream that a friend gave me $20, this morning my mom gave me $20 for food. I thought that the lack of funds were an indication that I should stop ministry. 

What’s more?

I had an intense pain in my stomach last night and had to diarrhea. It hurt so much I thought I was going to faint. And I was suddenly coughing and sniffly. 

And now I’m suddenly fine.

The warfare was thick, mostly having to do with feeling condemned and feeling lack, feeling like I wasn’t doing enough and being yelled at by my mother. But I realize the enemy has been trying to stop me from ministering to people, through a fear of lack, a lack of finances, or making me feel like I’m not doing the right thing (spirit of condemnation). I actually thought maybe I should stop ministry and get a normal job, and move to the ocean so I don’t have to talk to anyone….but today the Lord showed me what the strategy of the enemy was all alone. I shall not give up.

I have given you authority to trample on snakes and scorpions and to overcome all the power of the enemy; nothing will harm you. Luke 10:19

If you like to make a donation to the ministry please click links below. I appreciate your love and support.

Venmo –https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

PayPal- https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

Cashapp-gugibabu

Monthly Partnership- https://rebekkalien.blogspot.com/

Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ! https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my

Youtube

Prayer Request- Protection from physical attacks, spirit of infirmity, pray for God’s continual provision, pray God protects the mind of those connected to my ministry. I see another strategy of the enemy is to have people turn against me or put strange thoughts in their mind about me.

82581643_490500535176569_5324630871368531968_n.jpg

This is a man I met on the bus

84580223_474245416855182_5010041043970686976_n.jpg

A woman I met on the set of Lights Out, David Spade, a divine appointment

Really Vulnerable Confession To My Dad

TRIGGER WARNING-

There is A LOT OF CRYING in this video. Why am I making this public? Because I believe SOMEONE needs to watch it. If someone can have a revelation or can come out of emotional hiding because of my vulnerability, then I’ve done my job. I love you guys.

This is a really vulnerable confession to my dad about how I feel. When I was 8 years old my mom and dad divorced and I did not see my dad for 10 years. I immigrated to America when I was 8 years old with my mother. After the 10 years I see him every 3 plus years and every time it’s like connecting with an emotionally unavailable human being that doesn’t tell his truth or disappears physically for a few days without telling me where he is.

I received Jesus when I was 12 but have had a lot of unhealed parts of my heart. I am 31 years now and God is still healing me from an absent father, abandonment issues and feeling unwanted/rejected.

I’ve been visiting the abbey, which is a gay club. The Lord has told me He has given me West Hollywood as a spiritual territory. I used to tell people even though I’m straight, I feel like a gay guy. I felt a connection with them but I couldn’t explain it until recently. I understand the pain of being rejected for being different. Of course not everyone of them lack a father figure, but I believe there are deep roots of feeling rejected.

I see hundreds of gay guys there and the first word I hear is “rejection”. I love them with a pain in my heart, because I know many of them are longing for acceptance and love from a father figure. God loves you dearly, unconditionally.

Sow a Seed (make a donation)- thank you and blessings towards you.

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

What To Do When You Feel Rejected By Your Parents

woman-in-blue-denim-jacket-indoors-800703.jpg

“I feel like I can’t come home”- I said.

“Why?”- my mom said.

“It’s because you give me a look like I did something wrong, and then you accuse me”.

I spent many days out all day until night time.

I felt like a homeless prophet.

When I went to Korea, I realize I actually really wanted to go home but I felt like a burden. I called my friend and told her.

Everyone I met in Korea felt sort of estranged, and needed to be comforted. I ministered to young people who felt orphaned and estranged, homeless. One girl wanted to go back to Eastern Europe but whenever she went home, her mother would yell at her. The pain is too real. She decided to get a one year visa to work in Korea. 

So I felt like I couldn’t face the pain. God started to tell me to tell my mother the truth. The truth being…simple things like I don’t like it when you wash vegetables in the sink, without a bowl because I get really grossed out and can’t eat the food.

I used to just let things go but I realize I wasn’t being honest with her about things.

God’s been telling me to go out to eat a lot and a part of my mind will think in lack, but God would say “follow your heart”. My mom would yell at me for eating out, she’d tell me it was unhealthy and a waste of money.

For some reason I met a lot of nice strangers outside of home. 

If I didn’t listen to God, I’d probably be living on my own. I lived on my own for a few years and then God told me to move back home. 

When I was living alone I felt like an orphan, I was isolated and often sat drinking a beer with a microwave plate. I binge watched netflix and felt emotionally constipated. I had a boyfriend for a while but he wasn’t Christian so God eventually told me to break up with him. I felt like I was undeserving of any financial help and my mother was never the type I would tell my emotions to. 

I had freedom to do whatever I wanted, but again, I had an orphan mentality. 

Essentially I lived like an orphan and I felt like I had no parents. My dad had been well out of the picture and he lived in Taiwan.

But my heart was longing for home. I found comfort in God….and then God told me to move back home. For awhile my mother started giving me money and it was the first time I got money from her. I felt ashamed.

I was in my late twenties.

Then the guilt trip started coming.

“You’re almost 30, you should have a goal in life”.

“You should be ashamed of yourself”.

I mean there’s hundreds of accusations that came. Most of it was because she didn’t understand my ministry and she didn’t understand why God would tell me to rest, she wanted to see tangible results of my life.

If God didn’t tell me to get a job, I wasn’t going to get one and go outside of HIS PLANS to prove my mother wrong.

I’m a prophet who sets people free from condemnation, but here I was getting condemned by my own mother. That is why I have the anointing to break off the spirit of lack, because it’s a daily thing with me. 

My goal is always to follow Jesus’ voice first and foremost, not to please my mother, or anyone else. 

But she wouldn’t understand that, not right now anyway.

And a lot of people wouldn’t understand that.

The feeling of being misunderstood, accused and rejected is real though. Sure, she is a Christian, but her life is practical, pragmatic, logical.

In 2015 I moved back to my mother’s house. Then in 2018 God told me to go overseas and minister, relying on Him to provide for me. Since then I’ve helped thousands of people break free from shame and condemnation and understand their identity.

Yet, the enemy did not waiver in trying to attack me with accusations.

In late 2019 God sent me home and I thought God would allow me to move out right away, but no, He didn’t.

That’s where it started to hurt, the accusations started coming again.

No matter how much I tried to explain how I’m helping people, how I have these dreams, how I prophesy or even explain how Jesus can heal her, it’s like speaking to deaf ears. 

I realize, again, a prophet is not welcome in her own home.

And that it’s not my job to convince her. And I need to be okay with that. I need to know from the bottom of my heart how much I am loved by God. But I need to be okay with the fact that she may never understand.

And it’s not my job to convince her, it’s God’s job to heal her heart.

I was eating tacos by the street when a man pushed a baby cart appeared…it was a 6 month old baby, she was so cute.

I heard God say “I want you, I’ve always wanted you and you are not unwanted. You are precious to me”.

I don’t know who you are but I want you to know that-

You are precious. You are special. You are loved by God. He died on the cross for your sins and thought of you on that day. He is your loving Father, He is your provider and protector.

“I love you so much. You are not forgotten, you are the apple of my eyes”.

I tried really hard to tell my mother how I feel, but she immediately shuts down, she doesn’t want to talk about emotions. Maybe because it hurts too much.

I don’t really know how to talk about emotions with her either, but I’m trying.

Last of all-

You are enough in God’s eyes.

And if you need to cry, let it out, feel the pain, for God will comfort you.

If we define our identity by anything we can accomplish, it’s not grace.

Grace says you are a child of God because of Jesus’ sacrifice, not of our own works.

I would like to sow a gift-
https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien
https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien

Thank you for your support and love.

How To Break Unhealthy Cycle In Relationships

photo-of-four-women-and-three-men-standing-on-bridge-1116300

It takes vulnerability to experience true love. It’s through telling someone how you actually feel and they respond with understanding that you experience unconditional love. Most people don’t share how they feel because they have been judged or rejected for expressing their feelings.

1. Be vulnerable- tell people how you actually feel.

2. Write down the patterns in your relationships

3. Address the patterns with the people and act counter the patterns, setting boundaries and asking for what it is you need and being vulnerable about your triggers and history.

Here’s mine-

A. 🙏 Friendships- in the past I was always just someone’s go to for emotional and spiritual help. I also gave rides to everyone when I had a car. I was exhausted from helping people.

There was usually a disparity between how much I gave and how much I received (not that relationships is about measurement).

I walked in faith, hosting events, etc but didn’t know how to ask for help. In essence I could have but I didn’t think anyone would help me.

It could be as simple as going out with friends and not being able to pay for meals, God has taught me even to ask strangers for help now…It’s still not easy, but in the past I’d pretend I was okay and I’d charge it on my credit card.

Of course God has told me not to worry about debt because He has already taken care of them.

Because He knows what we can handle. It takes steps of faith to speak up. I maxed out a credit card to start self employment and I maxed out credit cards to start my ministry. That was what God told me to do and that was the amount of faith and courage I could handle at the time. But yes it was scary to trust that God would someday pay it off for me.

Then the next step was in my faith walk was to come out and tell people what I was doing in my ministry, basically to start a ministry.

I knew it would come with persecution. But people also supported me.

❤️ In essence, what I told you is the same as opening your heart.

1. There’s hurt, but you don’t know how to speak up about it.

2. You learn to speak up about it but you’re met with criticism or rejection

3. You speak up about it but people love you nevertheless

4. Repeat (and that’s love for you!)

In relationships you have to know how to ask for help and give help.

But if you’ve had unhealthy patterns in your life, it takes time to reverse it. Or to wait for the people who are willing to love you for who you are.

man-and-woman-on-beach-during-sunset-1024963.jpg

B. ❤️ Romantic Relationships

Marriage is similar to friendships.

1. Someone has to be humble enough to first express how they are feeling even if that means “look I am in a space of possibly being hurt by you”- basically saying “You have the power to hurt me”. That’s intense.

2. If no one is vulnerable it’s impossible to have a good marriage. But remember it’s a two-way street.

3. One person tries harder and harder to open the other person’s heart but it is a choice whether you want to open your heart, thus that relationship will most likely wither away unless the other party is willing to open up and share how they are feeling.

You deserve a vulnerable love.

You deserve someone who is emotionally available and who is willing to put in the work to be open with you.

It’s a choice whether someone wants to open their heart.

What’s the point of sitting next to someone and not knowing where they are emotionally. Physically present but mentally absent.

For me that was the worst nightmare.

Because I grew up with a mentally, physically and emotionally absent dad and a critical mother so my relationships reflected that.

And guess what- it took those relationships for me to see that it wasn’t what I wanted!

So what is it I want?

1. Friends that reach out and ask me how I am. And I’ll do the same.

2. A life partner that knows to reach out to me, that I don’t have to be the aggressor, which I often am in many areas of my life.

But that means I may have to learn how to be patient and wait for others to reach out to me.

Truth be told I don’t really have any patience.

My heart is more like an EMT, it knows where to go for help. It’s also an immediate safe place for others.

But I have to learn how to set boundaries and allow people to do the hard thing of reaching out or asking for help.

Liked the article? Consider making a donation- thank you so much! 

Paypal

Venmo

Zelle- Rebekkalien@gmail.com

Enter your email address to follow this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.