Are You Ready For Your Husband/Wife?

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I want a guy who asks me how my day was? What my hopes and dreams are? How am I feeling?

A man, not a boy. A man who cares about me, not just his ego. A man who wants to take care of me, make me feel loved. He is not egotistical, self-centered. He is able to be vulnerable and emotional. He is in touch with his emotions and know what he is feeling. He can feel his heart.

“How are you doing?” not just “what did you eat for dinner?”

And he listens, not just talks.

So many guys talk, they go on long monologues about things I’m not interested in. I want a guy to say “I love you, and you’re the only one I want to be with”. I’m the only love interest in his life, not another girl, another pretty face.

He sees my value and my worth. He sees that I am more than anything he owns on this earth, more than gold or dollar signs. 

He is willing to die for me and show that he cares, by listening, by talking, by conversing. He puts emotional connection first, not physical connection. Because without emotional connection, nothing else matters.

I want a man, not a boy. A man is not afraid of tears, he is in touch with his emotions even if he seems weak in peoples’ eyes. His vulnerability is his strength, he is willing to admit when he is sad or angry. He is willing to admit he feels jealous. But he won’t control, he will communicate his fears.

Are you willing to be vulnerable enough to admit that –

  1. You’re scared
  2. You miss someone
  3. You don’t want to seem like a fool but here’s all of your emotions
  4. You’re insecure
  5. Be honest and tell someone how you actually feel

Over the last few months God has taught me so much about what I want and how to be honest with people I meet, at any cost. This means that I have told my truth even though it may have hurt someone.

I want to be –

  1. Understood
  2. Heard
  3. Cared for

I have met plenty of self- centered men that only like me for my beauty or for how I make them feel.

The truth is – they should be interested in your dreams too, they should support you in what you want to do. 

A man who supports your dreams should ask you this-

  1. How can I help?
  2. How do you need to be loved?
  3. How can I make you feel secure?

and they communicate their emotions to you. They don’t run away from confrontation, they meet you half way. They show up.

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Let’s Talk About Dating!!!!!

When I was young, I was taught that God will just bring your husband.

You just had to sit there and wait.

LOL.

But what God has taught me in the last few years is that when you have triggers and issues related to men (for me) since I did not grow up with my dad and had many fears about marriage— God will graciously bring what you need to heal those wounds.

God has brought me many divine appointments to show me that there are good men out there. He has taught me how to communicate and relate to a male. He has shown me why some males have trouble communicating their emotions and what they struggle with.

Here were my fears –

  1. That someone will disappear and walk away (a fear of loss).
  2. I felt that people didn’t care about me, and instead of conveying how they felt….they disappeared (again).
  3. That if I got emotionally close to someone and it was a male, they had to be my future husband….because if I got close to someone who wasn’t my husband then well, they’d end up liking me or vice versa…and that was ultimately bad…since you would have to separate from each other. So better not to take the chance. And also because I had a close guy friend that I thought liked me, but ultimately got a girlfriend (so I read the cues wrong but God protected me).

What I have learned to do in the last years-

  1. Tell a guy if I liked him or was attracted to him. Be vulnerable and tell him how I felt even if he did not like me back. This has helped me to overcome any fear of rejection. 
  2. Tell a guy if he was not my future husband and brace the reactions, even if it was bad.
  3. Tell the truth at all times. 

So I think churches don’t teach that stuff at all. 

Churches teach “avoid” at all costs. They don’t teach honesty. They don’t teach people how to confront issues and bring up the issue. What I learned from church was “just avoid dating. Only date the guy if he’s going to be your husband”.

Dating is really about getting to know a person. If after a date, or a coffee date….he is not what you’re looking for, it’s okay to tell the truth and move on! Perhaps a lot of people are scared to date because they’re scared of rejection or getting their heart broken.

Dating isn’t about avoiding the truth, it’s about telling the truth! Some people are scared to date because they’re scared to hurt someone….so they just disappear or ghost and there are a lot of unresolved issues because of that. 

I’ve seen that the more honest and direct you are, the better.

Some people settle because they think “this is good enough”.

But you deserve the BEST! 

So why not put yourself out there. It’s not about getting it right. It’s about living in freedom and expressing love.

I have told plenty of people that they are attractive or that they are kind and loving. I have told people that they are amazing. Why not? And I’ve been vulnerable too, and I’ve been hurt. But why live with fear?

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Unconditional Love

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We all need love but when we have been hurt we don’t want to open up again.
Love needs to invade the walls of self protection and when unveiled, we feel vulnerable and open to pain or attack.
Sure it hurts. But then we rise again.
Recently a situation with a guy I met helped me see that my heart was shut down because my dad doesn’t talk to me. I’ll open my heart to connect but then suddenly it’s like he doesn’t care anymore. It’s like I don’t exist. I had to reach out to the guy to understand why he didn’t text or call me. We had to communicate. A part of me thought what’s the point, we are not going to be together. But it really did help, I didn’t feel ignored and I felt loved to hear truth.
Honest truth.
I grew up feeling emotionally shut down, sometimes depressed. I thought God was ignoring me. I wouldn’t let people in and when I did, it hurt and sometimes when I told the truth, most people left.
The truth was too much for them. They wanted me to be silent. They wanted me to fit in. They wanted me to be what they expected of me. They liked me when I didn’t speak up, when I conformed.
They attacked me for being different.
I was attacked my whole life for standing out, so I shut down and people pleased.
Then when God told me to speak up, I lost friends, I got persecuted, I was rejected, I was judged.
I lost everything that was false. I sold everything to follow Jesus. I got rid of my car and my apartment. Everything was a facade of success. I was struggling to pay my bills, I was broken inside. When I did that people criticized me. They didn’t understand I was being set free from what bond me.
Conditional love.
I had only experienced conditional love. The type of love that loves you only when you conform and fit in. The type of love that only loves you when you listen to them.
That was the bondage, the spirit of lack.
I never experienced being loved for who I am.
And now as I’m coming out of hiding, I tell my complete truth, I need help, I’m not perfect.
I want to be loved for who I am, not the perfect me, the me now. Enough in God’s eyes, whole in God’s eyes.
Unconditional love.

BREAKTHROUGH TESTIMONY- Holy Spirit Cannot Be Quarantined

Oh how the Lord broke through my heart today. The wonderful ways He breaks through my heart. I’ve been frustrated with people lately because I think people are going overboard with the virus issue, but DO YOU WANT TO HEAR ABOUT MY DAY?

I had a dream that a man was telling me to go to far away places. He drew out a map and I saw a motorcycle in the dream. Acceleration. I was sitting in a jacuzzi and I was in Hawaii. I realize I did want to go to far away places. I saw a blue door.

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When I woke up around 8:30 am I heard “go now”. I was doubting His voice, but I started getting ready. There was a game show interview but I heard “change it to tomorrow”.

“GO NOW”, again I heard. I started to get dressed and heard “wear pants, you’re going to run”. 

I started running after the bus. Immediately “talk to the driver”. He turned out to be Catholic and never grew up with his dad. He didn’t even know if he was alive. I shared my story with him, I could feel something in my heart. He offered me pork rinds.

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I get off. Walk around, get on the next bus, more men. This time a deaf guy asks for my number.

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I go to El Pollo Loco and I’m eating at the counter and am told not to, so then I hear them saying “china”. I’m hurt because I feel like they are making fun of me regarding the virus.

I call my friend. But I hear “ask for help”. I do, I try to call everyone I know. One replies. A guy I met at the Abbey. I tell him what happened and start crying. 

I go back to El Pollo and confront them. She said they weren’t making fun of me, they were just talking about my backpack. She apologizes, I feel better. I remember how this Mexican guy yelled at me during the Sars epidemic and told me to put on a mask.

I walk to the bus stop and meet a guy. He is muslim, I tell him about Jesus. We talk throughout the whole bus ride. He wants to be my boyfriend but I tell him my husband needs to be Christian. I tell him he needs to go see his parents and he said his parents have already offered him a plane ride but if he believes in Jesus, his parents may kill him.

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I feel weird, I feel something in my heart. I feel heat rise up to my face.

I take another bus back to Pasadena. I’m talking to another bus driver, a male again. I go to Target as God has been putting on my heart to get a bike. A guy helps me, and then another guy comes. Immediately I am drawn to him. He says he grew up Catholic and I share my faith with him.

I remember my first boyfriend was white and Mexican too.

I buy popcorn chicken. The lady tells me she remembers me….I was talking to the Christian lady that worked there last time.

I get on another bus and immediately see a guy with a thug life hat. He’s a lost sheep I know this. He is hard of hearing.  We talk and I offer him chicken. He says he is really hungry and going to work so I give him food, a lot of food. He tells me he has never had a girlfriend (or in a long time) and we are sitting together, I tell him I do ministry. We are trying our best to communicate. He says he is Catholic too, Mexican as well. Basically everyone I met today was Mexican.

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I lay hands on his ears, I’m not afraid of the virus. I’m more concerned about healing him. That’s what I do. Jesus is not afraid of people. He heals the sick.

I get off and hear “downey”, I was hearing it all day. Well, it’s late. I intend to go home because it is safe, but I walk past the local laundry mat and see a girl. I tell her I’m a Christian and she says me too! I ask for her info but she declines. She tells me she forgot her laundry yesterday and came back to get it.

God tells me to walk her home but she declines. She says “I don’t make friends, I keep things professional”. I ask “are you scared of people?” She says “yes”. 

I walk home but feel no peace. God am I hearing right? Am I doing too much? I mean I’ve talked to a lot of people today.

But yes, I follow the prompting (leave my house) and I go to the bus stop. It will take 3 buses to get there but I hear “ask for help” after I get off 260 S. Previously the Lord told me to call a guy friend and he says “you won’t believe what just happened, a girl just asked me for a ride and to buy her food”.

I get off the bus…I’m scared, sure. I spot a white truck and a man eating alone.

“Hi, I’m Christian and God told me to ask for help, can I have a ride to Downey? I am a prophet and I hear God’s voice”.

Conversation ensues and he buys me food. We start going towards home but I hear Downey again so I tell him to turn around. He tells me his daughter and him have cancer. He tells me he went through a similar issue as my dad. I start crying, big big tears. He tells me his dad left them too, 8 kids.

I’m crying and I can’t stop. This is what God wanted, a breakthrough in my heart. Because I was praying for people to be delivered of the deaf and mute spirit. I felt muted, emotionally. I felt an emotional breakthrough.

But now, heat was rising up my throat and to my face, circulation was happening. Something spiritual. I felt loved. My face felt hot.

I prayed over him and told him HE WAS NOT A SINNER because JESUS MADE HIM WHOLE. I TOLD HIM TO RECITE “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus”. He had done enough for his daughter, he was enough.

It reminded me that I needed to see my dad that way even if he didn’t raise me. That I needed to release him from hatred.

The man called an uber for me. I hugged him. He was healed too. He said he isn’t as close to his daughter anymore but he wanted to be closer to her.

A Vietnamese man picks me up. He is married. God tells me to tell him “I love you”. I say “Jesus tells you He loves you”. God tells me to give him $1. He is Buddhist. He says in America people love Jesus more. He is elated with $1. But there is significance. Whatever you give to, you will reap.

You will get married, God says. Whatever or whoever you give to, you will reap. If you are giving to someone who has breakthroughs and freedom in their life, you will reap it. If you give to someone who has a big calling and purpose on their life, you have the same. If a musician gives to you, you’re a musician. So forth, I’ve found God does this prophetically. He will often ask me to give or ask for donations depending on the situation of what needs to happen in peoples’ hearts.

My life is crazy on so many levels but I see the fruit before the seed even hits the ground.

GOD SHAKES ME on so many levels. He heals me on SO MANY LEVELS.

Maybe some people are afraid of the virus, but I see that GOD REALLY HAS NOT GIVEN ME A SPIRIT OF FEAR BUT OF A SOUND MIND! AND HEALING, WHOLENESS, RESTORATION. 

GOD IS GOOD! When I get home, my musician guy friend has given a donation. I see the double portion of fruit bearing. If you open your heart, you will receive in love and provision. If you ask, you will receive.

Sow a seed to this ministry. You will surely be rewarded! God bless you!

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Don’t Play It Safe. In Order to Break Off Condemnation and Fear, You Have To Continue To Put Yourself Out There

Your heart is a muscle that needs to be exercised.

I woke up feeling tense and scared of people, I felt condemned and had to make a prayer video. You are righteous because of His sacrifice.

And then I had to take risks ALL DAY! 

I was out from 11am to 10pm.

There were times I was like “no”, but most of the time I said “yes”.

What does it look like to say yes to God. 

To do things that scare you. 

I prophesied over strangers and told people about what I do. I asked for donations, I asked for rides from strangers. They all turned out to be lost sheep, divine appointments.

I was sitting at a bus stop and God told me to ask for a ride.

I asked a few guys, and all of them said no. They looked hesitant, didn’t want to take a risk of picking up a stranger. I didn’t say I was a prophet, I just did it.

I was getting discouraged and then suddenly a man I asked before came back. He had dropped off his work truck and came back. He had a picture of his daughter. He was Catholic, yes, of course. This man will be blessed for saying yes. We talked for awhile and a part of me just wanted to go home.

“God isn’t this enough?” I looked out the window and most of the shops were closed except for a few boba shops. It was enough to get me out the door. I thanked him and blessed him.

It wasn’t about me doing more, it was me learning to put my heart out there, no matter the risk or the consequences. Because yesterday I took a risk and asked a neighbor I just met to take me home and his stepmom kept calling him. I felt this fear rise up in my heart, I felt responsible for him getting in trouble. But God said “no you didn’t do anything wrong”. I take risks everyday, talking to strangers is not always easy. Praying for the demonically oppressed guy was not easy too, it freaked me out a little, but love is big, love never fails.

It’s about God opening your heart, and not letting SATAN have a foothold in your heart, not having a stronghold of fear in your heart (which builds as you allow yourself to submit to it).

It’s not about being right, but living in freedom and knowing no matter how people respond, you are a child of God and worthy of God’s love. You are a child of God, you are not afraid of living in freedom. This means you freely put yourself out there, you’re not afraid of the risk of rejection or judgement. 

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One of the only restaurants opened in Pasadena. I got to prophesy to her.

At the end of the day, I felt led to go to Popeyes and the guy gave me a free drink. I yelled “I love you”.

So yes, love requires lots of risk and it may look different for everyone but what I’ve learned is, God’s goal is to set you free to live in freedom, He wants you to be free of any fear that may hinder you from experiencing love.

Yes, maybe there were very little people on the buses and on the streets but God still led me to my divine appointments. My life is so much richer because of God.

I meet men who say they are afraid to put themselves out there to date again because of past hurts, I meet women who say the same. But so what, you have to just keep putting yourself out there, when it is the right time, the right person will come.

Sow a seed to this ministry. You will surely be rewarded! God bless you!

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Prophetic Word- Break Off The Yoke of Slavery

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
    He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
    he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
    for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
    through the darkest valley,[a]
I will fear no evil,
    for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
    they comfort me.

You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.

THIS MORNING I FELT LED TO MAKE THIS VIDEO around 7am.

Today I met two specific people that I want to talk about. This man’s parents died and left an inheritance, but will not allow him to have it until he gets married. He said that when he was young, he gave $300 to his friend and his parents yelled at him for it, said he was irresponsible. So they passed away and would not give him his inheritance. So he was eating a sandwich out of a plastic bag and had these broken bags.

I PRAYED TO BREAK OFF THE SPIRIT OF LACK AND SAID THAT HE DID NOT NEED HIS PARENTS’ MONEY NOR A WIFE, that he was NOT LACKING in anyway, that when God sees HIM HE ONLY SEES JESUS! 

GRACE will enable him to see his worth.

He asked me “I have to read the bible to stay away from sin right?” I said “God has already cleaned you of all sin, you have no sin in you”.

I heard “rest in me, don’t strive”.

And then He will live out of overflow, not out of a place of feeling like he was not doing right or not doing enough. He was on his way to see a friend who constantly yelled at him, he even drew a card to apologize.

But I heard “YOU ARE NOT RESPONSIBLE FOR HER HAPPINESS”.

Then on the way to Glendale (which is what I heard the Lord told me to go to)….I went to eat, then went into the bathroom of Capital One.

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There a woman was listening to Christian music. I yelled from the bathroom stall- “are you Christian?” She said “yes”.

She turned out to be a prophet as well, but was heavily accused and rejected by the church.

I SAID “YOU ARE ENOUGH”. She started crying. She was trying to prove herself, by speaking about prophetic things. But she said she was having a hard day and was praying the Lord would send someone to her, and God told me that morning “go to Glendale”. I’m glad I listened. She also heard the Lord say “you sing, you dance, you draw right? You sing on pitch”…God hears.

But I SAID “YOU don’t need to prove yourself to me, just be yourself”. I held her and we prayed on the street. 

OH happiness. Joy. God. BREAK OFF THE SPIRIT OF LACK accusing your children. Happy day, God. SONSHIP! OH YOU ARE ADOPTED BY GOD! YOU ARE A CHILD OF GOD! OH YOU’VE DONE ENOUGH! I felt this Energy COLLIDING when I prayed with her. Powerful. 

I realize SO many Christians have very little idea of how to be loved by God, God is not a mean father judging you from heaven. He is not saying “omg she or he has failed again”.

GRACE means HE DOESN’T EVEN SEE IT. 

That empowers you to FOLLOW JESUS even more, with life, with gratitude. BECAUSE YOU ARE FREE! 

Sow a seed to this ministry. You will surely be rewarded! God bless you!

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Divine Appointment With An Uber Driver

I’m ALWAYS blown away by how the Lord leads me.

Today for some reason I didn’t eat until 10:30pm. I thought about going somewhere close, but I felt a craving for hot pot. I called an uber as it was not far away….watch the video to see what happened next.

God is not a respecter of persons, GOD WILL USE ANYONE OR ANYTHING. He is present at a gay club, He is present in New Zealand, He is present and He will use ANYONE. He will use a Buddhist, a Muslim, He will use a Samaritan, a prostitute.

Are you open to how the Holy Spirit leads?

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Sow a seed to this ministry. You will surely be rewarded! God bless you!

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Saving Myself For Marriage

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Hi folks,

In the last few months God has continued to heal my heart of male/father issues. He has brought me a lot of men to minister to. Young men who have been molested, and because of that, became very sexual growing up. I always share how I am waiting until marriage to have sex. I am very open about it now. I didn’t use to be. Some woman called me “different” and didn’t want to carpool with me from Vegas to LA on a tradeshow I worked at while I was doing fashion. She didn’t tell me directly, she avoided me and told other people. 

I was outcasted because of my choice to wait. 

I am praying for Madison of The Bachelor. She is one woman who has openly said to Peter that she will not marry him if he chooses to sleep with the other woman on the show. Peter also grew up Christian but does not have the same convictions.

I have told countless men who have tried to be with me, that because they don’t have the same conviction or commitment to God, I do not want to be with them.

There is only one man for me.

I will not compromise. 

Because I am worth it. 

I dabbled in promiscuity before, though still abstaining from intercourse. At that time I was broken and hurt, I was trying to get attention from man, I was heart broken over my ex. I didn’t know how to communicate or have real relationships. I understood lust, I understood the feeling of being touched by a man. But I didn’t understand true love. 

Now I understand the love of God and my worth, I can sense the spirit of seduction.

There has been a spirit of lust trying to pull me down my whole life. I am pretty sure my dad had a porn addiction because he never expressed himself emotionally and after my parents’ divorce. I found a sheet of paper with nude photos of women when I was in Taiwan. I burned it and started praying. But that impure spirit still haunted me. So men kept trying to hit on me (you know the creepy vibe? that’s a spirit of lust), old men kept trying to follow me.

It’s like they could sense I was a virgin.

God has given me victory.  I’ve learned the power of no when it comes to physical boundaries. Because I deserve the best. I will not compromise.

I share with young men who have been cheated on, men who are Christians and Catholics about my decision to wait. I want to share with men that it is okay to wait, that they don’t have to give into societal pressures to sleep around. 

Love is MUCH more than physical touch, it is emotional understanding, patience, gentleness, forgiveness. 

Satan wants to destroy your sense of worth through sex.

Of course if you’ve already had sex you are still righteous in God’s eyes because of Jesus’ sacrifice.

But Satan has been wanting to destroy how you feel about yourself since the fall. If you are spirit filled, you will notice how you feel after you have physical interactions with a guy/girl (like a one night stand, etc). You will feel drained and tired, you don’t feel loved, you feel used, you feel dirty. 

Satan loves to attack you with a spirit, then make you feel guilty about it.

If you feel guilt about anything, speak “I am righteous in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus”.

When you are transformed by the Holy Spirit, you no longer want the things of this world. It’s not conditioning or controlling yourself, it comes out of a deep desire for the things of God. But that means you have to be submitted to surrendering to Jesus. You can tell if someone is not fully healed or submitted.

It does not mean they are less than, but if you have convictions about things like sex, you’ll start to discern whether someone is really committed to a love relationship with God. 

Sex before marriage is lust driven. It literally means that a spirit of lust comes upon you. I pray that the Lord will heal you of an sexual wounds or heart wounds.

No matter what your past looks like you are pure in God’s eyes because of Jesus’ sacrifice that makes you white as snow. No matter what you did yesterday God only sees Jesus in you. 

But I want to share this with you, especially young men and women who feel pressured to be promiscuous because of what society says.

If you like to join my group, I’ve just started one: “Saving Myself For Marriage”.

Sow a seed to this ministry. You will surely be rewarded! God bless you!

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If you’d like to get coaching for relationships, career, life, learning to set boundaries, etc. please send me a message!

The Tension of Being Misunderstood and Following Jesus

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I feel the tension of birthing.

Do you?

I feel the tension of seeing God move, He’s leading me to numerous people everyday. People are getting set free, they’re receiving clear prophetic words from God through me, they are getting delivered from fear…and yet at home I am seen as a “jobless” nomad.

Then there are the critics.

The pharisees.

My mom thinks I am out and about everyday literally just doing nothing.

I can’t explain it enough to her, I tell her the miracles, I tell her about the divine encounters I have, but it’s still not enough. 

And He said, “To you it has been granted to know the mysteries of the kingdom of God, but to the rest it is in parables, so that SEEING THEY MAY NOT SEE, AND HEARING THEY MAY NOT UNDERSTAND.” Luke 8:10 

God open the eyes and cast out the deaf and dumb spirit that is trying to oppress the truth.

And when God tells me to ask people for donations, again I’m met with criticism. Why? Because God is exposing their hearts.

I am just listening to God, if I feel led to ask, I ask. I don’t have qualms about it. I have to eat too. But more so God is trying to set people free from bondage. So you can accuse me all you want, but are you willing to be set free?

There is a spiritual stronghold in people sometimes, those needed to be broken off, a fear of lack, a fear of not being enough, a spirit of mammon. People rely on their money and possessions more than God. So I’m the messenger, I become the bad guy. And well, I get all the lashings and it hurts. The accusations come, the guilt trips, the “you’re not doing enough”.

Not only should I be reaching out to people, talking to them, healing them, encountering all kinds of spiritual warfare, but now I need a part time job since people are not willing to give? 

I am out almost 10-12 hours a day on the streets.

And you know the funny thing is?

God will keep closing the doors.

This morning my friend and I were supposed to go deliver flowers as a gig. My mom and her dad complained that “oh it’s not worth it, because well you will waste gas” (again speaking from a fear of lack).

We sent the info they needed, I went in to talk to the woman several times. God showed me she was in desperate need of rest. Why? A spirit of lack (living under the law) will make you feel like you are never enough. This has to do with fallen mankind. Since we are born into a broken world, we are imperfect….we are always trying to become more by being more but it is never enough.

Again, this is the spirit of the law. The spirit of the law will drive you to live like a slave. You will be worn out and you will always try to rely on money for security but you will never feel secure. You will never feel like you are enough or have enough.

Last night I called again and the lady said that they had enough drivers. God closed the door, He said you need to rest. 

Before that the Lord had a divine appointment for me. He had me prophesy to a man that he was supposed to be a preacher. God showed me his heart was broken and he was surprised “how did you know, my wife cheated on me!” We talked for 1-2 hours. As we talked I felt my heart get tenser and tenser and eventually I started crying. I felt the holy spirit wash me. The Lord provided what I needed through this man so that I would no longer need to deliver flowers. 

Why? Because when you work for God and you’re following His agenda, you will be provided for.

That is what He told me when He first told me “you are a shepherd to lost sheep”

I asked the Lord “how will I live?”

The Lord said “I will provide”.

“Jesus gave them this answer: “Very truly I tell you, the Son can do nothing by himself; he can do only what he sees his Father doing, because whatever the Father does the Son also does.” John 5:19 

After I went to San Gabriel, I then was dropped off in Pasadena by that man who was giving up his whole life to Jesus. I took the bus to Arcadia, then the Lord told me to go back to Pasadena.

On the bus a man sat in the back of the bus. I sat near him and started talking to him. He said he was 16 years old, half my age.

“Hey you should be a model, you have the looks for it”- me

“Actually I do acting”- him

“OMG I knew it!” – I said.

I said that I was a Christian and a prophet…he said that he took psychedelics and it opened his eyes to seeing how bad he was before, he was self involved and the center of attention, he was selfish. I said that under grace he was forgiven if he chose to accept. He no longer needed to be punished for his sins. I asked if he wanted to pray and he said “yes”. So we prayed to receive the whole forgiveness of God, not just half or in part. 

I told him that I always wanted a little brother as I have never seen my half brother.

It was late already but God told me to go to Glendale. 

Oh great God. 

I kind of wanted to go home but a part of me was filled with so much energy.

I went, worrying a bit about how I would get home. Buses don’t run that late.

He said “you’ll get a ride”.

I kept trying to “find” the divine appointment, I guess I thought it would be like last time. You know…I even tried to text someone I met in Glendale last time, but God had other plans.

Eventually I took a Lyft home and the driver of course was a lost sheep. We went to go eat after and she told me that she was raped 10 years ago. I mean it was intense for me. I prayed and prophesied over her. I saw that she would preach and share her testimony to many women. I could feel this false responsibility trying to weigh me down. My shoulders started to hurt.

I feel the tension of birthing, building the church.

I feel the ease of flowing with His spirit but I also feel the overwhelming problems and needs of people. 

I feel the approval and love of people that I’m meeting, their belief as I prophesy to them and they’re transformed by God but also the disapproval of my mother who is trying to tell me almost everyday to live a normal life, to be driven by financial security in the world’s eyes.

So a part of me just wants to move out already, but God hasn’t allowed it.

It’s not that God is cruel or a tormentor.

I know it’s because He is training me, to find peace in the whirlwind, to know He is always with me, that I am never lacking…that I am not to be driven by a fear of lack, the agenda of people, expectations from my mother, but to follow His voice alone. 

And there’s more….

being driven by obligation versus desire. I catch myself too. Am I doing things out of desire or obligation?

Am I doing something because I feel sorry for someone or am I doing it because I want to?

Choose Joy.

You won’t be accepted or understood by everyone, but know that I accept and approve of you- Jesus. 

Sow a seed, thank you for your partnership in setting people free! 

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It Is Worth It To Forsake My Own Life For Lost Sheep

Testimony of God’s divine appointment.

God told me to go to Pasadena, then to take the bus home, this man stepped out at the same stop as me, he told me he just buried his mom last week. He was the man I was supposed to meet taking that bus.

Of course I didn’t want to wait at night in the cold for a bus, of course I was impatient with God and complaining to God. But the Lord showed me that love conquers the inconveniences. I had been deeply discouraged by the lack of funds lately, a cold came on, I mean I almost wanted to stop caring about people or to reach out to folks. I was mad at God for putting me through so much. I thought that I should stop ministering to people…but now I realize it was the devil trying to discourage me all along.

This man said that I was an angel and thanked me for deeply caring for him.

The Lord is showing me the importance of forgiving and releasing bitterness because life is so short.

Before that, God had told me to go to the mall and He very specifically told me to eat at a restaurant. Someone had just sown $40 in the morning so I can actually eat out.

I sat down to eat and this manager said “why are you eating alone?”

I felt offended. Later I confronted him and he said he was sorry, his grandpa just died and he just flew back from Korea. I said that whenever I eat alone, people make strange comments and I feel less than because of it. I’ve had waiters move me when groups of 2 or more arrive. I felt disrespected as a party of 1, like I was less than at some restaurants. He said that that was definitely wrong and he was only joking, as he often ate alone too.

Strangely, I had just watched a Korean reality show about a grandpa and his granddaughter (Na Rae Park on I Live Alone, she recently won the Grand Award in Korea). I told him he should be an actor and that he had nice skin. He gave me free plum juice.

Then I met another waitress who told me her twin sister was Christian but she wasn’t. We had fun watching my reality show appearance on Married by Mom and Dad.

When I went home, I noticed a man at the bus.

I told him he was a pastor and he was going to travel around preaching. He was surprised to hear that. I asked where he was from and he said Mexico.

I said “are you from Guadalajara?” 

He was stunned.

“How did you know?” 

“It literally just came to me, God told me. God can speak to you too”.

He couldn’t get past it, nor could I. This kind of accuracy, well, I don’t expect it all the time. God has upgraded my prophetic gifts a few times. 

I used to just pray for people, then God gave me visions, then He gave me words of knowledge. When I got visions for people, it was so accurate I was stunned.

I was in Bali, I met two Indians and I saw one climbing mountains- he was shocked “I live in a city full of mountains” and the other one I saw him dancing to music and he said he was a musician.

That was the first time I got accurate visions for people.

Since then, my gifts have increased….but not with severe obedience.

What I mean by severe obedience is that I PERSEVERE despite the trials- I have gotten sick 3 times in one season already. I had severe diarrhea the other night. I encounter spiritual warfare and feelings of discouragement. I get attacked by the spirit of lack and there has been times of severe lack of money to continue ministry (recently too).

I mean, I’ve been through it all.

Yet, when I met this man, I felt that it was all worth it. My lost sheep. These are people who maybe no one else would reach out to. They wouldn’t go to a church to say they’re sad. They wouldn’t reach out to a clique at church, no, they are often alone.

And these are the people I reach, for better or worse. They are worth it to God. The 1 out of the 100, the lost sheep who have been wounded and outcasted.

Writing this is making me cry.

You’re not alone. Whoever you are.

You may feel alone but you’re not. 

I understand your pain.

I love you deeply and sincerely.

There have been so many times I just complain to God. I ask Him why it’s so hard, why I keep following Him when people are persecuting me? 

Sometimes I tell Him I hate him, why did He put me through all this?

But then I meet a hurting man/woman and suddenly God breaks all my walls. 

Love conquers all.

It’s really hard work….I wasn’t called by a church, I was called by God and I listen to voice everyday. I don’t have an agenda to control anyone, to tell anyone how to be, I just listen to His voice. I answer to Him alone.

So the religious spirited people may question me, they may accuse me, beat me up….

But there is something more powerful – Love. I’m not patient all the time, God really tries me. I mean I don’t know how I persevere, but it’s His grace.

It will all makes sense, it is all worth it, don’t give up.

I love you very much.

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