Define What You Want and You Will Get It! – Husband/Wife
I realize that I kept saying “oh man, I keep meeting guys who are emotionally unavailable” but I realized through meeting men that I was emotionally unavailable.
When I met a guy who was open and vulnerable it scared me because I was afraid to lose that person. I was afraid that I couldn’t meet their expectations. An emotionally distant man felt safe. I wouldn’t get hurt. But the truth is, I did get hurt because I was sorely neglected in my emotions.
Neglect is a form of abuse to the heart. I know this because my dad doesn’t talk to me. I did not see him for 10 years but even after seeing him again, each time he disappears and never talks to me again….like we don’t know each other.
I was also not into Christian men because from church experiences, I felt that Christian men put religious rules and expectations on me. They were interested in my performance externally (like in leadership), versus my heart.
They would say “well, we expect more of you because you are a role model”. I don’t want that. I want someone who will love me for who I am.
I also noticed when I talked to Christian men they often wanted to prove themselves to me since I left everything behind to follow Jesus or I felt that they often wanted a prophetic word from me versus wanting to get to know me as a human being. They wanted to use me to solve problems in their life. They didn’t trust their heart, they’d ask me “what should I do?”
One time I had dinner with a Christian man and all he talked about was the end of the world and one world order.
I was so tired, I said “don’t you have any hobbies? Can we talk about normal things now?”
I felt that Christian men talked about God like 24 hours, not just with guys, but girls too.
It’s like we are not taught to be a normal human being at church or that talking about anything else is ungodly.
Recently I walked past a Christian man who owns a laundry mat and he told me that some of the things I write about is “ungodly”. I said “like what?” He said “oral sex”. I was stunned. I don’t remember writing about it but I could have written about it. That is something I have experienced in dating, it’s not something I shout about from the top of the roof but I have become more honest about my past and I know that I am righteous in Christ Jesus.
So I told him that, and he tried to invite me to his church like going to his church will save me from ungodliness. I have been cleansed of all “ungodliness” by the blood of Jesus. And sex is not ungodly, God made sex. Anyways…
I have been made righteous by the blood of Jesus, not by my works.
Well, that conversation really frustrated me.
So apparently if we act like we are saints, we are more godly? No, we’ve been made right by the blood of Jesus.
That’s why I want to be more honest….why is it that the church act like they don’t have a sex drive and they are embarrassed to talk about certain topics. I mean there are tons of people living in shame because they are addicted to porn.
If we can talk about things, the bondage of shame and guilt will leave….and people can come into the light and see that God loves them for who they are.
It is only through relationship and knowing that you are loved for who you are (despite your past or habits) that you can experience unconditional love. In love, addictions are broken off. Tell someone your truth. Come into the light.
Addictions start from a place of not being loved for who you are. It begins in demands versus understanding. Addictions come from shame and guilt, not grace.
When we preach the complete finished work of God, grace- people will understand and be set free from addictions.
I love you, XOXO!
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