When I was young, I was taught that God will just bring your husband.
You just had to sit there and wait.
But what God has taught me in the last few years is that when you have triggers and issues related to men (for me) since I did not grow up with my dad and had many fears about marriage— God will graciously bring what you need to heal those wounds.
God has brought me many divine appointments to show me that there are good men out there. He has taught me how to communicate and relate to a male. He has shown me why some males have trouble communicating their emotions and what they struggle with.
Here were my fears –
- That someone will disappear and walk away (a fear of loss).
- I felt that people didn’t care about me, and instead of conveying how they felt….they disappeared (again).
- That if I got emotionally close to someone and it was a male, they had to be my future husband….because if I got close to someone who wasn’t my husband then well, they’d end up liking me or vice versa…and that was ultimately bad…since you would have to separate from each other. So better not to take the chance. And also because I had a close guy friend that I thought liked me, but ultimately got a girlfriend (so I read the cues wrong but God protected me).
What I have learned to do in the last years-
- Tell a guy if I liked him or was attracted to him. Be vulnerable and tell him how I felt even if he did not like me back. This has helped me to overcome any fear of rejection.
- Tell a guy if he was not my future husband and brace the reactions, even if it was bad.
- Tell the truth at all times.
So I think churches don’t teach that stuff at all.
Churches teach “avoid” at all costs. They don’t teach honesty. They don’t teach people how to confront issues and bring up the issue. What I learned from church was “just avoid dating. Only date the guy if he’s going to be your husband”.
Dating is really about getting to know a person. If after a date, or a coffee date….he is not what you’re looking for, it’s okay to tell the truth and move on! Perhaps a lot of people are scared to date because they’re scared of rejection or getting their heart broken.
Dating isn’t about avoiding the truth, it’s about telling the truth! Some people are scared to date because they’re scared to hurt someone….so they just disappear or ghost and there are a lot of unresolved issues because of that.
I’ve seen that the more honest and direct you are, the better.
Some people settle because they think “this is good enough”.
But you deserve the BEST!
So why not put yourself out there. It’s not about getting it right. It’s about living in freedom and expressing love.
I have told plenty of people that they are attractive or that they are kind and loving. I have told people that they are amazing. Why not? And I’ve been vulnerable too, and I’ve been hurt. But why live with fear?
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