Stop Faking Fine- How To Be Yourself And Be Emotionally Vulnerable

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Adam and Eve were not ashamed. And they were naked. They were vulnerable, they did not know sin, they did not know shame.

But then sin came, oh no we’ve done something wrong, we have a fear of being judged. 

Today I realized that I was numb in my heart because I was suppressing feelings of pain. I felt pain because everytime I go to Taiwan I try to connect with my dad but then when I come back to America it’s a disconnect, it’s like I don’t even exist. Before I didn’t talk to or see my dad for 10 years. 

Brene Brown talks about how the most evasive betrayal is not cheating, but neglect. Neglect and the silence.

That disconnect created a pain in my heart that increased by the day, but I didn’t realize I was feeling this. So God brought father figure divine appointments into my life, some were in Mexico, some that I met in LA, some on the airplane. They were all male figures comforting my heart. God brought father figures throughout my whole life.

I felt more and more depressed as I lay there after watching a show’s live taping today.

The issues:

  1. A family that was searching for the grandma who abandoned her son. The son had depression and killed himself.

As I watched my heart started to feel immense pain and I started crying. 

Growing up I tried to be perfect in my mother’s eye, I didn’t want to be a burden as she was already stressed out as a single mother.

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So I became the model citizen. I got good grades, excelled in school, won awards, I was a first chair cellist, I was a youth leader, I was esteemed but deep down no one noticed I was actually depressed. I had a sorrow in my heart I could not express and no one asked.

I took care of my own emotional needs through achievement, busy-ness, and when I was tired of striving, masturbation.

Since I could not feel anything emotionally, and I did not want to feel pain I learned how to feel emotions through physical gratification. I was very young and often neglected by my mother, left alone at the age of 5 inside a house by myself. I found that I could grind on my pelvis and I would feel good.

Later my mother told me that she had to put me in a worker’s storage room so she could work and that from 0-1 years old I was raised by my nanny. I started to feel like a ghost, a living body with no soul. No one to connect to.

But when I was 12 years old I felt God’s love and accepted Jesus into my heart. I started to be guided by Him and I felt His love when I could feel nothing else. And yet….church was another thing, they encouraged PERFORMANCE over CONNECTION.

They encouraged us to perform, thinking that if we performed well people would see Jesus in us. They used theology, they used books, but what people really needed was to feel love. They used rules and regulations. There was no grace.

I felt unloved and more over, I was encouraged to PERFORM.

And so PERFORM I did. I performed and achieved in church.

And I was exhausted.

So striving became my default because when you’re busy there is no time to feel. And when you have no time to feel, you don’t have to feel the pain in your heart.  The world is that way, full of busy noises, always being entertained, always going somewhere, always achieving, full of noise. 

No one wants to feel pain.

Very few people are honest about what they’re feeling and more people are ashamed to be who they are fully. Maybe they’ll sit behind a screen and criticize other people online or they’d rather gossip than confront that person.

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And that’s the worse thing about some churches is that they shame people for being imperfect. 

A lot of churches don’t talk about issues like sex, masturbation, pornography, addictions, drugs, depression, sexuality in general. When I asked two female leaders at my church what sex felt like they said “we will tell you when you’re about to get married”.

One of my best girl friend found her dad’s sex tape one time and became a porn addict. She watched porn for 8 hours a day. She became self conscious and insecure about her looks.

Why should I be ashamed to be honest?

I have nothing to hide. I’ll say the words penis and vagina out loud, I will talk about whatever I want.

If you are fake your whole life you’ll never meet people who will love you for who you are.

I see tons of prophets who show forth an image of perfection like they have no problems, they smile and wear nice dresses. I’m so tired of fake people. 

God didn’t anoint me or choose me because I’m perfect. God chose me because I trust in His grace alone that made me whole.

The other day someone asked me “how do you know you are anointed”. I started to explain and stopped. “Why do I have to explain myself to you?”

I’m a recovering emotional detached person. I had shingles when I was 14 because I was stuffing all the stress inside my heart. I didn’t tell people about my single mother’s anger issue, my mother told me not to tell people my parents are divorced.

I became two-faced. I became the overachiever who took care of her own emotional needs. I read erotica to ease the pain in my heart or I gossiped about other people. Everyone came to me for help and I liked it. But I wasn’t loving myself, and I didn’t know how to ask for help.

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I dated a guy who was emotionally absent. He would disappear for days and I found myself having emotional affairs with other people. He didn’t want to get close to me emotionally so I found other avenues.

But I was also emotionally detached, because it was safe to be with another emotionally absent person. That way I wouldn’t get hurt right?

No, I did get hurt. Love is love, you’ll experience pain no matter what. Stop trying to be perfect. Open your heart and just TELL IT LIKE IT IS. You are sad, say it. You are angry, say it. You feel like someone is being fake, tell them. It’s blunt but it’s the truth and the truth will set you free, even if it’s harsh.

So how do I overcome emotional detachment in this season:

  1. Opening my heart and talking through the issues with my friend.
  2. Creating videos and talking about how I feel
  3. Writing
  4. Telling God how I feel.

And most of it is a lot of anger.

God why did you abandon me?

God why did you allow this to happen to me?

God why do I always become friends or chase people who don’t give back to me?

God help me break this negative cycle.

God help me to open my heart.

God help me to forgive.

God I can’t do this anymore. This heart thing.

What’s appropriate? What’s taboo? Why don’t you lift off the veil of pretend and try being honest? 

Are you tired of BS? Why don’t you be honest for twice in your life? 

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Thank you for your contribution. May the Lord bless you abundantly! My vision is to see people be who they truly are, with no shame or guilt, knowing that they are enough in God’s eyes. 

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Did The Prophets In The Bible Have Friends? How To Overcome Rejection.

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This is a real question I googled and apparently Jeremiah didn’t have many friends or family. In fact, he was not allowed to marry- wow God seriously?

But in reality my ministry begun alone (with God and His angels). 

I traversed across the ocean, flying to other countries with God’s voice leading me. No one else told me what to do and no one else was next to me.

No one talked to me everyday, God did though. I didn’t text someone 24/7 complaining that I had to walk around with my suitcase, being led by God’s voice. I didn’t have someone to complain to constantly that God was making me stay at hostels to minister to the youth. And yes maybe I did complain on Facebook but my job hasn’t been easy.

I don’t think people really want to hear the truth.

They want to hear it when nothing else worked in their life and they are desperate for change.

People want to hear the truth when they want to be set free and they realize wow my life sucks and I’m stuck. I need solutions.

I understand because I’ve been there. 

I struggled with my problems alone and rarely told any of my friends. But God did give me the truth and I listened.

When I was dating men that were unhealthy for me, I didn’t tell people. I didn’t tell my friends so that they couldn’t tell me what to do.

I’ve had to tell people-

  1. To break up with their partners, toxic husbands/wives, girlfriend, boyfriend
  2. To quit their job and leave their city
  3. To give money in order to break off the stronghold and spirit of lack

I’ve had to do things like-

  1. Confront 6-7 flight attendants about how one flight attendant treated me and that led me to minister to her, it was a divine appointment, she felt like she was lacking and I spoke words of life over her.
  2. Ask people if I could stay with them (someone I just met on a plane). I prophesied that they would become preachers. One woman had marital issues in her life for which God had a word to deliver her. Whether she listened or not I have no idea.
  3. Ask strangers for rides (they were divine appointments God set up for me)
  4. Ask strangers to buy me food (and yes it turned out they were divine appointments I was to prophesy over. One girl just saw someone die on the plane as she was a flight attendant so she started crying and I prayed over her and became her friend).
  5. Ask strangers for money (to break open their hearts and to conquer the fear of rejection and judgement, to break the religious spirit). God told me to ask this couple for money in New Zealand and the husband was fiercely religious and fiercely judgmental. He asked me “do you always ask people for money?” and then I had to explain that I used to work a lot but God has been teaching me the practice of humility and asking for help. Imagine the fear I felt and how intimidated I became after, but God showed me no I’m trying to break open this man’s heart.
  6. Tell my testimony at an open mic
  7. Ask a pastor of a church I just went into if I could share my testimony in front of the congregation- and the answer was no, but he did let me share it when I wasn’t on stage. Weird.
  8.  Wake up at 5am so I could run and meet a divine appointment God ordained at a bus stop
  9. Get on a bus, then God told me to get off so I could meet a drunk divine appointment who then I was supposed to go with to stay with (and it wasn’t him) but then I met a father and daughter I was supposed to stay with on the bus. God sent me to him to break off condemnation and free him from guilt.
  10. Ask to pray for a boy in a Macdonald’s playground in front of his mother and other people. And turns out two of the mothers were Christian and I got to share my testimony of following the Spirit with them.
  11. Ask two men to buy me an ice cream cone. And then they forgot so God told me to pursue them (like I walked inside the shop and asked them if they forgot about me) and it turns out the one from Africa was a lost sheep. At that time I did not even have much money to spare on an ice cream cone so God was using my need to force me to reach out to the divine appointments. I sat there and started praying over this man, I told him “God has not forgotten you”. I could feel his pain but he looked emotionless.
  12. Ask backpackers for help to pay for my hostel stay. The hostel claimed I didn’t yet pre-pay for my stay so I didn’t know what to do. I looked to my right and God said ask him for help. So I ended up visiting 10 groups of backpackers to ask for help and it ended up being opportunities for me to share what I do and prophesy over all of them, sharing Jesus with them.

13. Ask strangers if I can pray for them. Now God has “upgraded” my ways of ministering. Sometimes He will bring me to a restaurant that has awful food and ask me to return it so that I could end up ministering to them (not always, but it’s to break off any fear of men and what people will think of me AND NO I DON’T DO IT ALL THE TIME BECAUSE I’M AFRAID).

Do I complain to God? Yes, all the time. I even tell God that I hate Him sometimes. We have a very special relationship where HE knows He can trust me but what He tells me to do is never in my comfort zone.

Prophesy is meant to open peoples’ hearts to the reality of Jesus’ love for them. When people are willing to help or give to a prophet it means their hearts are open to God. One time I met a group of Indians and God said ask them for a donation. Imagine coming from a 1st world country and asking Indians for a donation.

Only one person gave, and he was the one who was most open to Jesus as they were all buddhist. 

But then you’d be surprise because in Mexico God had me ask a universalist for a donation and she openly said yes and hugged me.

I wasn’t rejected.

God doesn’t want us to live in fear of men. So he constantly forces me to walk out in boldness. And YES IT’S SCARY FOR ME, it’s not EASY. 

When I receive a donation, I also feel loved and accepted. I feel the grace of God over me. But then when I’m rejected I also learn that a no is not an indication of your worth and it builds tenacity inside of me to keep putting my heart out there and opening my heart.

I’ve had to approach strangers to pray for them and in turn I get yelled at.

The list goes on and there are thousands of stories.

But is it hard to be normal as a prophet? Well, you’re definitely not normal and what God tells you to do is far from normal. But you have to accept your purpose and calling and realize it’s okay to be alone sometimes. That God is always with you. And that most people may not understand you. But when you find your people, it’s extra special.

And yes you will face many fears. Fear of men, fear of the unknown, fear of lack, fear of judgement and rejection. And you will face them head on. There’s no going around it. 

I tried to just have fun at a wine bar in Cancun but found out I can’t really relate to normal people. Everyone just got really drunk and I felt a bit out of place. Three girls got married and signed a fake marriage certificate. One hopped on the bar table, it was funny but again I felt out of place.

But it’s possible to have fun as a prophet, it really is. You may not have fun the same way as others and it’s okay. I personally love dancing. I may not join with drunkenness but I can still have fun. Don’t get me wrong, I am not perfect and I have my moments.

I am a 31 year old virgin who has never had sex, though I’ve had my share of promiscuous moments. I’m like David in a sense. Imagine how hard it is to navigate the dating world, tell someone you are a prophet and then the questions ensue….

So whoever I marry needs to be fiercely close to God.

I’m not a saint who doesn’t like sex or wants to be unmarried, I’m a saint who wants to have sex and is waiting for my husband. So imagine navigating that.

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Two of the first people I ministered to in a hostel in Korea.

I met thousands of people but to most people not “friends” for life. So the sad part is I have to move on and know I’m not there to fit in or be accepted by people. I am accepted by God.

When you tell people the truth that they probably don’t want to hear, you’re seen as overbearing or even bossy. 

And the sad thing is they don’t realize you have emotions and feelings too. 

Yes prophets get hurt, please respect our boundaries. We are human too.

The conclusion is, yes we have friends but sometimes not many because people are afraid that we will tell them something they don’t want to hear, and it freaks people out….even if the truth will set them free! 

GIVE TO THIS MINISTRY

Hello! My name is Rebekka Lien. I am a Life Coach, Heart Healer, and Speaker who believes in SETTING people free from fear and limiting beliefs that get people stuck in negative cycles.

I have worked with thousands of people around the world in 20 countries so my methods are sure fire ways to deliver people out of a lifetime of imprisonment. I am also a follower of Jesus so my words are Spirit-inspired and cuts to the core of the problems, with NO BS. It is called Prophecy, meaning I don’t even have to talk to you to know what is going on. God has the solution for you and He wants to set you free from the issues that keep hindering you from live your best life.

I was born in Hamburg, Germany, lived in Taipei, Taiwan and now in Los Angeles. I have traveled to 30 countries and hope to visit the whole world. My parents divorced when I was 8 and I have gone through a life time of healing and breaking off the spirit of lack and orphan in my life to come into the identity of being a child of God. You need to RULE in the authority God gave you.

You are a queen/king and you DESERVE To REIGN on this earth! 

Please feel free to write me at Rebekkalien@gmail.com to book Rebekka to speak.

The Risks of Living In Your Destiny

When you walk in your destiny it means you have to confront your fears, you can’t be at home playing it safe, you’ll face the fear of rejection, judgement, criticism, humiliation, embarrassment. Some people think grace means God will open easy doors with no risks? Think again, you will SLAY every fear FACE ON and you will not be doing it from the safety of the KNOWN, but the RISKS of the UNKNOWN.

AND you will face all kinds of people and all opinions, but you have to STAY STRONG in your belief that you are righteous in Christ Jesus.

Do you think David slayed the giant watching TV at home?
Do you think Joseph became a ruler of Egypt at home? No he got sold into slavery and prison.
Do you think Esther cowered in fear, no she confronted a king as a queen, risking her own life.
Elijah ran for his life from Jezebel, he hid in a cave and got up to confront his problems.

These are real life examples where they actually CONFRONTED real people, and real things. So they could move forward.

The risk of following your dreams.
1. You might feel awkward
2. There might be guilt trips
3. You might feel embarrassed
4. You’re exposed to criticism
5. You might fail forward
6. Others might be jealous

Some examples from my life like last night when I saw Selena Gomez. God does not want a light to be hidden under a table. You shouldn’t feel guilty or ashamed that your light is bright. You shouldn’t dim your light so others can like or love you. God doesn’t want His children to live in fear of rejection or judgment, you’re going to have to confront them!

Make a contribution to this ministry and help set people free from fear and condemnation- thank you!
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I Left Everything To Follow Jesus Part 2

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I don’t want to overwhelm my readers so I don’t tell the truth. But the truth is it’s been very hard. I’ve cried everyday.

Imagine doing good, following Jesus and then being misunderstood. I don’t want to dwell on it, I want to let it go but I can’t seem to. The flashbacks, the people, the words just come at me.

I sold everything to follow Jesus in 2015 and started going where Jesus led me to. I first went to Hawaii for 2 weeks and stayed with a sister there, then I came back and had no place to stay and ended up staying with another sister for 5 months. I started unofficially training people in the prophetic as I stayed with them.

In 2018, after 2 years of resting and preparing spiritually for the journey ahead (which I had no idea would look like this), I left Los Angeles and went to Taiwan. In Taiwan I thought I would stay for a year (to get to know my dad) or so but God said “keep going, now you will gather the lost sheep”. I went to Korea first and found myself waking up at 5 am to pray for backpackers that were checking out. The prophesies came in visions and words. Many were not Christian and were amazed by the words and confirmations.

I met a Muslim girl at a restaurant and I could always sense it, God would tell me “go speak to her”. Sometimes I’d be scared but eventually she crossed over to my table to get napkins. We started talking. As we were hanging out she said she had a stomachache and I asked to pray over it.

“Is it okay for a Muslim to get prayed over by a Christian?” 

I said yes of course. After laying hands on her stomach and praying for her, she noticed the pain went away, it was immediate. This opened the door for me to share my testimony.

One time I needed money to stay at the hostel for the next day and contacted a good friend of mine but she said that she was learning to be financially responsible and couldn’t help. In that moment I felt really abandoned and questioned God’s goodness. I also felt like she was blaming me for “not being financially responsible” when in fact I was simply following God’s instructions and directions. Things like this would happen on the road where I really questioned God’s direction and goodness when I felt misunderstood or rejected. 

I told her that honestly I felt like a martyr sometimes.

I compared myself to her. I said that I felt like a martyr because I was out here with a suitcase not knowing where I was going to stay tomorrow (and not having the finances to stay anywhere yet) while she was married and had just bought a house. I could imagine people back home enjoying their couch and watching netflix while I was in a hostel room with 10 other people. Why did I have to be the one to be out here reaching the lost when others were back home living their comfortable lives? It did not seem fair to me.

Yes, I admit it, I felt like a martyr. But that was also Satan using everything he could to accuse and attack me with the spirit of lack so that I felt I was lacking in some way. 

I woke up this morning thinking of all the negative things that happened and God was like “you need to write it down”. I realize I don’t talk about my experiences enough and I need to…not because I’m reciting “woe is me” stories but because somehow I find my strength in these stories. I’m not just a normal person, I’m a woman who went through hardships to follow Jesus.

Sometimes when I talk to people, I find myself unable and unwilling to talk about my experiences on the road. I feel like it will overwhelm them too much or make them feel bad for me. And I don’t want pity, I want them to know they are enough in Christ Jesus and anything is possible if they’re willing to follow Jesus.

My job is to set people free from fear, from the fear of rejection, lack and judgement, from the fear of the unknown. Because I’ve gone there and back, hell and high waters. 

When I tell them I went to South Africa with $20 in my pocket, their jaws drop. When I tell them I was on the road with my suitcase following God with $5 left and asking strangers for help while prophesying over them, they say “I would never be able to do that”.

I had to confront fear in the face. And sure it was scary. But what people fear I don’t fear much. Why? Because I’ve been through the fire. 

  1. An hour before my flight departure I was going from Bali to Perth, well apparently I didn’t have a visa. I also did not have a working phone so in that moment I had to borrow a French couples’ phone to register for an Australian e-visa. Miraculously the e-visa went through in 10 minutes.
  2. I landed in New Zealand, hoping to safely arrive at my hostel but then they said I booked the wrong dates. It’s 3 am in the morning and I’m walking around the streets with no where to stay. I visit every hotel and they are fully booked due to a festival. I end up praying for drunk teenagers. Finally I visit a hotel where the Nepalese man told me he reads the Bible and a miracle happened….he let me book a room they usually reserve for emergencies. 
  3. One night at a hostel I was hearing my roommates have nightmares. The next day 2 of the bunkmates accepted Jesus into their hearts. This was in Hong Kong. I was really pissed that I didn’t get good sleep but was praying in tongues at night. Who knew that it was because there was spiritual warfare happening because two of the girls would accept Jesus into their hearts. 

More stories to come……..

What you can do for me.

  1. Pray – pray for my heart and pray for my body to be healed of any and all traumas. Pray for the seed of the word of God to be sown deep into fertile hearts.
  2. Give- Give to the continuing work of sharing the gospel with those God calls me to reach. Funds goes towards finances that are needed for transportation, such as uber rides and food, where I usually have divine appointments. God always gives me a divine appointment on an uber ride. It has been very fruitful. Thank you for your partnership-

https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien

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zelle-rebekkalien@gmail.com

 

A Homeless Prophet Finding Home

I told my friend that I didn’t feel welcomed anywhere. I was overseas ministering all over the world, impacting lives, praying over thousands of people and telling them about Jesus but when I come home all I get is yelling and accusation from my mother. I wanted to rest but I started to find myself trying to prove myself, trying to do more because her constant nagging made me feel insufficient.

I felt homeless. Like I wasn’t welcomed anywhere.

So I felt like running again when I got home (LA). I didn’t have a home. I felt like a homeless prophet. 

That has been the hardest thing for me. I wanted to go home but it didn’t feel like home. 

So I started to see how God would bring me to people who were homeless or felt like orphans. My friend said she saw me teaching the gospel to orphans and I started crying.

Bring the lost sheep home, I’ve been doing that for 2 years and the aching in my heart 💜 is when I literally can now sit next to someone and feel what they are feeling.

I was on the plane and asked this Korean man if he was okay. He said “why? do you feel something?”

“Yes, you seem very sad”.

He said “well I am 49 and when you are 50 in Korea, everything goes down hill”. Even though he was also a Christian, his mindset was culturally Korean.

I said that is not true and I said that God was his provider and that He would take care of him. He told me that he is trying to be a good Christian and I told him that in God’s eyes He is perfect because of Jesus’ sacrifice. He had tears in his eyes.

My heart is for those who feel rejected and burnt out. I met a woman in Seoul who told me that she wishes she could go home to a normal family. She feels accused of when she is home so she decided to go to Korea for one year. She was cleaning the beds in the hostel. I could feel the pain in her heart because I felt like that.

I told her the next day that she actually wanted to go home. She said “of course but I cannot, I don’t feel safe at home”.

There are so many young people who don’t feel loved and accepted by their family. Another woman on the train told me she only sees her mom twice a year because they don’t get along. She said she doesn’t want to get married and she is okay living alone. She says she never goes out. I told her how I started to tell my mother how I feel and that it’s brought release and healing to my heart.

She became quiet, she looked at me. It’s like looking into a mirror. She nodded. 

I can tell when I meet a wounded person, I can feel what they are feeling. And what will happen is that I will cry for them and with them. I know when I see a lost sheep, I know when I see someone who has been rejected. Because I am looking into a mirror. 

I have a heart for the orphans, those who feel outcasted by their own family.

I know how it feels to feel unwelcomed in your own home.

I’m learning to be open and just tell my mother how I feel.

To the lost sheep-

I have not forgotten you. I am here. I am with you.  You don’t have to do anymore. You don’t have to strive. You can rest with me. You don’t have to run, you are home with me. I love you very much, you are enough. While everyone will tell you you’re not enough, I will tell you, you are enough. Come home with me. You are home, you can rest now. 

Jesus.

https://anchor.fm/rebekka-lien

Consider giving a donation to bring lost sheep home- thank you! The money goes toward transportation (as I do uber ministry), food and sometimes accomodation, sometimes God also tells me to give the money to those in need. In God’s timing I am looking for a house to have house church meetings and to live in. In this church we will welcome the spiritually weary, who are tired of trying and tired of being told what to do. In this church, people can cry and sleep, they won’t have to strive, they know they are enough and accepted in God’s eyes. Here their hearts will find rest and they will be home. I won’t talk about theology or tell people what to do, they can rest and they can find solace in God’s love. They will be welcomed by a spiritual mother, and one day a spiritual father and we will just sit and be with them. They won’t have to please us, they will find identity in Christ Jesus. 

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Zelle- rebekkalien@gmail.com

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Prophetic Word- Come Out Of Hiding

I want to hide under a rock but I look over at the turtles, they are standing bold on a rock, exposed. They are not hiding. This time they are not.

I just had a moment of tears.

It’s coming face to face to a grown man who has tears in his eyes.

“I don’t want to feel like a useless person, sitting there getting fat while his kids think he is useless”.

“Do you feel ashamed to go home?”

“Yes”.

“But you know what your kids need is your presence, not necessarily your money”.

It’s speaking right into someone’s heart that you know exactly how that person feels. You are not a robot, you are human too. You know how it feels to feel ashamed, to feel useless, to be accused of. I have been there.

Then earlier in the morning, I met a man on the bus. While talking to my friend on the phone I noticed his book said “enemy”. I knew he was a Christian so I asked him if he was Christian, he said yes. That morning I was at the Laundry Mat with my mom and I heard “go to Pasadena”. I was roaming around but saw a bus going there and heard God say “run”.

This man was from Ethiopia. I prophesied to him that he is enough in Christ Jesus, He is not lacking. He told me how he felt like he lost everything. I said that “God is waiting for you to step out in faith and do one thing at a time He leads you to”. People always think that they are waiting for God but often times God is waiting for you. 

I told him that God has called you travel to the nations. I told him to take off his sunglasses and his hat and stop hiding. He spoke encouraging words to me too. I feel honored and loved by these fathers, their presence. I never got that from my father.

It’s easier to hide, because you’re not seen and you can’t be criticized or rejected but when you come out of hiding you are seen and that means people respect and honor you but they can also hurt you. Right?

And that’s my heart, my pain. God I don’t want people to hurt me anymore as I’ve been too wounded in the last year.

God’s like “open your heart, I’ll protect you”.

Are you sure God?

Yes.

Trust me.

So go and don’t be afraid to share your heart with people. I will bless you and surround you with my angels. Don’t be afraid to go. I’m with you. I’m covering you.

Would you consider partnering with me financially to bring the gospel of grace to those who feel condemned? I’ll be going to Korea tomorrow. I’m a little bit scared but please pray for me. 

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I Try To Be Enough, But I Forget I’m Already Enough In God’s Eyes

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I tried to be enough. I tried to please my mother. I tried to be a good daughter. I tried to be a good friend. I tried all my life but I learned from God that I am enough. That when God sees me He only sees Jesus.

But it’s easy to forget and it’s easy for that voice of condemnation to say “you should feel bad because they are mad at you”, “you should feel guilty because you’re not doing enough”.

Their (whoever they are) happiness does not depend on you and other people are not your responsibility.

It’s hard when you are in ministry though, you start to feel their problems weigh down on you. And then multiply that with your own family. 

And then you just need to crawl into a safe space with Jesus and pile the non-responsibilities to one side and say “God it’s yours, not mine”. 

I am not responsible for my mother’s abandonment issues. I am not responsible for taking care of anyone. I am a prophet so I relay the message, but I am not a therapist. My job is to point people to Jesus. I am not anyone’s savior. 

Lord today take our burdens, show us how to rest in your grace. Your rest is perfect God, we are the ones who don’t know how to cast our burdens to you.

We think we are god and we try to figure everything out. Sometimes I try to be in control and I don’t even know it. I try to figure things out by asking God “what should I do now” instead of going with the flow….as if I’m not doing enough or I’m always on assignment. But what about me? What do I want. I forget that I have desires and that God works with my desires.

Your desires matter.

Period. 

Not for function or form, but just because you are meant to be happy. 

I’ve met so many women on the road and in LA that subjugate themselves to unhealthy marriages. They suppress their own desires to please their husband or stay in a marriage/ relationship that is abusive or void of any emotional connection. 

They’re shocked when I say “I heard ‘get a divorce'”.

But isn’t divorce a sin? They ask?

Isn’t being unloved in a unhealthy marriage a sin? It’s a sin to be unloved.

Okay, I just put it this way. No, Jesus died on the cross for your sins so that when God sees you, He only sees Jesus. So He does not see SIN in you anymore. HE WANTS YOU TO BE HAPPY AND DO NOT PUNISH YOURSELF FOR CHOOSING THE WRONG GUY. Sure they may change, but if they choose not to that’s another story. If he is abusing you, run. 

There is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

For some reason Christians think that it is okay to suffer for a long time when God actually wants you to be happy. We forget that. God actually is a good father who wants a good life for you. WHOA.

“I just have to pray more right?” One woman asked me.

“No, God said he is a rock weighing your ankles down”.

“Well I did not expect to hear that”.

A few months later one woman told me she found out her boyfriend was cheating on her.

Love is longsuffering, but don’t suffer for the wrong guy my friends. God does not call us to submit to people who are pigs. It says “don’t throw your pearl to pigs”.

Choose a man who will honor you and respect you.

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Caring For Your Soul- How To Release False Responsibility

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(Some Divine encounters from the week. God told me to go to SD and I got on a train 15 minutes before the train left, these two guys sat across me and turned out they were Christian. We prayed together and I got to prophesy over them. On top- I met the owner of a cafe while sitting there and got to share about Jesus and my testimony. She was shocked by the accuracy of the prophesy. Right- I met on the street the founder of Black Lives Matter Pasadena. I said to her “you give so much to everyone, you deserve to receive too.” It was super epic. These are only a few of the many encounters I had this week as the holy spirit led me).

Recently I’ve been processing somethings in my life. I didn’t realize it but I was blaming myself for something and because of that false guilt and false responsibility, I started to feel paranoid about being completely obedient to God, because if I wasn’t and if they didn’t get the message, what if someone dies? 

My friend had a motorcycle accident with her boyfriend and her boyfriend passed away. It was a shock to me. But suddenly I felt guilt creep in. Why? Because I had told her a few times that God was telling her to go to another state and city. I told her over a span of a few months. I felt guilty that I wasn’t about to get the point across, and then I was mad that she didn’t listen (if you are reading this know that it is not your fault).

God started to show me this week I started to get paranoid about being perfect in following Holy Spirit. I became paranoid and like a perfectionist.

I was thinking about how that pastor killed himself. I bet he had a lot of self-hate and blame. Some people say “pastors or televangelists just want peoples’ money” but not enough money in this world (even if they offered someone billions of dollar) can compensate for the amount of stress you go through. 

So no one could ask me to be Joel Osteen, I don’t want to be in his spot. I can’t imagine what he goes through. I used to criticize pastors and I never wanted to be one, but then God called me to be a pastor to lost sheep so I ended up starting my own ministry.

To be in the limelight, to be exposed to critical people? That’s another level and it takes guts to be there, you have to be so firm in the righteousness of God. 

Ministers take on emotional and spiritual loads and they have to find a way to give it to God. The mistake I make is that I think it’s my responsibility and my burden and sometimes I put all the burden on myself….and I forget, no, it’s not my load. I’ve got to surrender peoples’ problems to God.

Pastors need more help than anyone else because they are constantly hearing about peoples’ problems and often are not compensated for it. In fact, some of the pastors I know have debt and do not make a good living. I know how that feels to over give of my energy and time.

I also need to learn when to stop and minister to my own soul. 

Throughout this week, I hear about peoples’ daughters, I hear about peoples’ financial stress, I hear about abusive fathers, I hear about deaths, I hear about things I really wish I didn’t know about. So I have to be careful what I absorb. I have to ask God “is this person my assignment?” and “am I over helping?”

Sometimes we over help to compensate for the past or a past regret of not being able to change someone’s past. 

I can’t change the past for my friend. I wrote “take risks and take chances” on my facebook wall and she replied “we did! And he died!” Well what am I supposed to respond to that. Is my advice the reason he died? No. Absolutely not. And is her not listening to me the reason he died? No. Is it my fault he died? No.

At the end of the day, we don’t know the end from the beginning. But we can’t live life in fear.

I am not responsible for anyone. I can do my best to prophesy, but it’s peoples’ job to listen. If they don’t listen, it’s also not God’s fault that something bad happens, it’s the devil’s fault. Jesus’ blood has ultimately covered us so it’s not our obedience that gains the blessing, but Jesus’ perfect obedience to the cross. 

If God is telling us to do something, it’s to give us freedom and set us free from whatever fear is holding us back. He never tells us something to control or punish us. And He will never punish you for not listening…however the enemy does have an open door if we are not aligned with His purposes. For example, if we are doing drugs when we know better, we are allowing the influence of certain spirits to attack us. If we are living in active disobedience to God, it is preventing us from living in the freedom God paid for us to have. But it is only GRACE that compels us to follow God, not condemnation. 

I told my friend, the purpose of prophesy is not so we can ask God to shield us from “pain”, it’s so we can learn to walk with God and trust God through the pain, joys and unknown. He does not PROMISE us a painless life, we are not robots! But He promises to be there to mend our wounds.

I’m not superwoman, I’m just a human and I need to learn to take care of my needs and desires. It’s so easy to take on more than God has intended for us.

If you are a minister, pastor, prophet, missionary, therapist….

  1. Take time to be by yourself and separate your junk from other peoples’ problems.
  2. Pray “dear God I’ve heard all these problems from people, please I now cast it to you and let me not hold onto them as if they are my own”.
  3. Pray in tongues if you know how, if not ask God for the gift of tongues.
  4. Do whatever you need to to decompress and release…watch comedy, go for a run, get a massage, read the bible, hang out with friends.
  5. You need to know you are worthy of rest, care and love. You need it as much as other people. You are worthy to receive.

I pray that today God will lift off any false guilt or responsibility to take care of others and I pray that you will learn to separate your soul from others’ so you are not burdened by their problems. I pray and lift up all those I’ve helped in the past years that they would go to you for help God. 

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Prophetic vision- don’t look back!!! Run as if your life depended on it!

I saw myself start a race and I’m sprinting and receiving batons from each person as I run. However my mother is behind me asking me “where are you going?” “What are you doing?” And for some of you it’s false responsibility and false guilt, it’s your exes, it’s old mindsets like fear that is preventing you from moving forward.
Each time false guilt tries to whisper in my ears it’s like a rubber band snapping me back and I’m back to where I started. It’s the fear of missing out, it’s “accusation” and condemnation!

Guys and girls!!!! This is not from God!
It’s the devil trying to stop you from moving into your promised land. If it feels like guilt it ain’t God. God is the one leading you, do not let other peoples’ expectations or accusations lead your life! Who are you look at? God or people? What is your focus on? What people are saying or what God is saying?

You need to fight the voice by saying “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, I deserve happiness, I am not responsible for them” then run and do not look back!” You are righteous in God’s eyes.
#bexprophetic

Let’s Talk About Love & My Heart

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Write your heart out- I hear the Lord saying.

So I went to get a manicure as it’s been something I’ve been wanting to do. I take a long time to pick the colors I like. Today I took out blue, purple, pink, she started to put purple on and I flinched. I didn’t like the color. I said, can I try blue? After 4 different colors I said I wanted bright pink. She became impatient.

I felt bad for making her mad (even though I waited an extra 30 minutes for my appointment).

Then I had a book of nails and suddenly it fell to the ground, and a bunch of the samples fell out. One of the manicurist had to match the samples one by one back into the book.

Again, I felt bad but kept thinking “I am righteous in Christ Jesus”. I apologized.

Then all of a sudden, I realized I was a perfectionist. Like, I wanted to choose the perfect color but for some reason, I couldn’t find the one I wanted and I try really hard to find the “perfect color” or perfect decisions. 

Then a realization hit me. I had stopped trusting my heart. I totally forgot that I went through a heart break this year. I’m going to be super honest from now on. 

I met a guy in Fiji and really liked him. But it was short lived because we lived in different places (well I live all over the world). In an instant, I thought “f it, I’m just going to love someone and not be afraid to get hurt”.

But of course, like one of those sad romances, there was always an ending. I thought he was going to visit me before he left but then after rushing to his hotel to say goodbye, I learned he had already left because he realized his flight was 5 am in the morning. I was disappointed and thought, well, I actually rushed over like in the movies but in reality, life is not like the movies. 

I also knew that he wouldn’t be my husband because he didn’t believe in Jesus and we were just in very different phases of our lives too, so I knew in my heart that it was not going to last.

Then when I went to India, I met another guy I liked. I said again, I just want to make new friends and we liked each other. Again, I knew I had to go, it was an experience for God to open my heart because I had stopped dating shortly after I broke up with my ex in 2014. In fact, there was a season I didn’t talk to any potential partners, I told God I was going to focus on Him (all my previous attempts to date revealed to me that until I knew my worth, I’d never meet the one who could love me the way God sees me).

I told God “heal me so I can understand what I’m worth and who I am”.

I didn’t want to go searching for love in the wrong places when I was still broken inside. I knew I’d just keep meeting guys who were also broken and searching for love in the wrong places (me, and not God). 

About a year ago, before I started doing ministry God gave me a dream where He was showing me different pictures of men and swiping (like on Tinder)- then I heard Him say “get ready”. I also had dreams where I was wearing a wedding dress on an airplane and God was preparing me for marriage.

But I kind of thought, God wouldn’t it be so much easier if you just bring that ONE MAN, so I don’t have to get hurt?

God – there is risk in love, no love is without pain. Otherwise it wouldn’t be love. I wanted you to open your heart up to love, love is messy and risky. Love is not a final destination but a journey. Just because you meet that one person doesn’t mean you’ll not have pain in your life. 

No matter what life brings you will need to have an open heart so you can experience both the pain and joys of life. A closed heart does not experience love or pain, it is numb. A closed heart sits at home and never battles disappointment, sadness, anger nor pain…

A hero, a warrior encounters every emotion. She/he doesn’t shy away from the battle called love and life.

You will get angry, you will get sad, you will be disappointed in life.

You will experience all kinds of hardship but all kinds of joys too.

If you are willing to trust God with your heart, He will tend to and care for your heart. He is in charge of taking care of your heart. He never abandons His children. 

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God- Hello Heart,

Heart- Hi.

God- Don’t be afraid of love. I know you’ve encountered heart break.

Heart- I’m tired of being disappointed.

God- Will you let me hold you?

Heart- okay.

God – Don’t be afraid, I’m right here. I won’t hurt you. I’m here always taking care of you. You can cry, let it out.

Heart- I’ve been abused and misunderstood, spat at. People misunderstand me and hurt me.

Jesus- I understand. I’ve been there. I came to save the ones that hurt me. It hurt my heart too. There are people that will hurt and judge you when you’re trying to set them free. They will misunderstand and reject you and in that moment you must remember, you are just like me. In fact I am there with you, hearing the words you are hearing. 

But then you must come to me and let me speak to your heart. Because I will tell you that you are loved and accepted by me, that there is nothing you can do that will make me love you less. 

My love is perfect. I don’t condemn or guilt trip you, I will never turn away from you. I always draw close to you, I will never run away from you. My love is perfect and complete. I will never scorn you for being imperfect. When I see you I only see Jesus, perfection and completion.

My experiences in friendships have often come with “trying to be perfect” for that person. I’d try really hard to always be there for them. I’d initiate and take time to be there for them, but was often taken for granted. I’d withstand being taken for granted and then suddenly have a moment of “THAT’S IT, I’M TIRED OF BEING TAKEN ADVANTAGE OF” and suddenly disappear (ghost). I’d unfriend them or block them. That was my habit.

I felt that it was hard to meet people who actually cared for me. I felt that they were often dumping on me emotionally or only coming to me for emotional and spiritual help. Or they would want to “pick my brain”.

I kind of felt like a monkey, you know when a scientist would pick a monkey’s brain?

Later on, I learned to set boundaries and slowly learned to voice my needs and concerns in relationships. First, God would challenge me to ask people for donations. This sparked support and outrage. I had friends that were extremely offended and told me that they were offended. I felt extremely hurt. I said that when they needed help, they often came to me, but when I needed help, it seemed that I didn’t deserve it. 

It outraged me. 

Do you have friends like that? Where it’s constantly one-sided?

Fortunately, God has been mending those relationships lately. He has been showing me that I didn’t do anything wrong, I was simply listening to His instructions. 

I love Jesus because He often tells me to do things outside of my comfort zone but causes me to have healthy relationships in my life.

He longs for us to have relationships that are balanced, not just one-sided. I often felt drained and exhausted by relationships because I was giving so much of myself but was receiving very little of what I needed. It would show up in different areas of my life.

If I was giving too much of myself, I’d experience sickness in my body or shortage of finances. I’d be hosting networking events and be putting my drink on a credit card because I had no more cash. 

The wisdom and knowledge I give to people is worth so much more than money. Freedom cannot be bought by money. Freedom is experienced, often through the hardships we go through.

I am so grateful that God gave me the courage to ask people to sow, whether it’s emotionally, spiritually or financially.

It’s been a long journey. I think if I didn’t know God, I’d never understand my worth. Because there is no fear in love, perfect love casts out fear. 

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Prophetic Word- DON’T LIMIT GOD! Think Outside The Box!

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Today was quite crazy as usual. Another day where I thought maybe I’ll lay in bed and actually rest. But I kept thinking of the korean spa I wanted to go to yesterday. I’ve been a bit jet lag, but anyhow the Lord woke me up at 4am and He said to start my coaching business again.

The Lord has been breaking me free from thinking point A to point B. Like in Taiwan when I was taking the train back to Shuangxi and suddenly He told me to get off the train and go back to Taipei. After getting off a few buses, simply following my gut on where to go (not searching for hotels or hostels), I got off across a train station and saw a lady making dessert. Well, I asked her if she knew anyone who was renting a room and she did! Anyways, that night the Lord had me meet two strangers who I then shared an uber with, then ended up at a nightclub, met a guy in line and then went with him to meet his friends, two of which were Jewish. God’s ways are not man’s ways. 

When God speaks, you move.

Don’t use your logic. Your logic will slow you down and it will make you REALLY tired and lethargic (because it’s rooted in fear).

THIS MONTH! DON’T LIMIT GOD! He is taking the caps off! If you haven’t read the last blog post please do! 

I realize that in coming back to LA for 2 weeks, I felt a bit disjointed. I felt like I was a bit tired of ministering on the road and doing things I didn’t like….like I had given up a lot of passions and interests such as music, drawing, teaching, fashion, dancing. 

But the Lord has been showing me He has always given me those interests and desires as a way to connect with people, that I didn’t have to give them up. He will use those for His glory.

Because when He told me to sell everything and follow Him, He had closed all the doors to my career and I felt that He was saying I couldn’t pursue them.

Which was kind of true for the last year and a half because He had me going to YMCA’s and hostels and places I WOULD NEVER WANT TO SLEEP in to reach those who needed Jesus. In New Zealand I stayed at a YWCA where I had to tell the guy next door to quiet down his tv like everyday. But I got to pray over him and tell him that God was telling him to go to Germany to see his daughter. Things like that would happen all the time. Then I walked downstairs that night and ended up meeting a fellow Kiwi native that had to be delivered of evil spirits. Things like that.

But I didn’t GO where I would normally WANT TO STAY. You know? One hostel had club music until 4 am in the morning. Another in Australia had club music until 2am just below the hostel. But I went there to find lost sheep and go to the people God wanted me to reach. Everything was pre-appointed. 

This month I hear the Lord say-

“Don’t limit me. Don’t limit me to just one career, one city, one place, one house, one friend. I can tell you to do anything and if you’re willing, you’d live a beautiful artful life full of possibilities”.

One day you may have the desire to go to a korean spa, another day He may lead you to an unknown area you’ve never been to. You’ll discover places and people.

Maybe one day you’ll be working on a cruise, another day working at Starbucks, another day simply getting fed by the Lord, another day going to Walmart. Maybe He will tell you to book a flight to Mexico one day and you’ll backpack down South America. Maybe one day you’re sipping coffee in Israel or you’re prophesying over a stranger on the bus. I’ve done most of that, anything is possible.

So don’t limit Him.

If He calls you to do something you don’t normally like, He has a purpose for it. Maybe it’s to meet that father who will speak healing into your soul. Maybe it’s to meet a mother figure that will affirm you and hug you causing you to cry. His ways are not our ways. He will show you a dress you like and show you what kind of style you like again.  He will lead you to a deal you couldn’t have found yourself.

And Yes in following your desires….you will meet the man/woman of your dreams. 

Sometimes we try so hard to find that soul mate when God is telling you- just follow your heart and in doing so, you are following the “string” God has laid out to lead both of you to each other. 

Maybe the reason you haven’t met him/her is because you’ve been searching for him/her and not following your heart in your life”.

BAM!

You’ve been searching for the man/woman and not enjoying your life the way GOD intended you to enjoy it.

No one is attracted to someone who is desperate to find someone! People are attracted to partners who are enjoying their life and totally in love with the life they’re living. 

You know those movies where this girl goes traveling solo and she meets a handsome man at a club or while sitting there sipping wine? Exactly. 

She’s not desperate, she’s content being alone. She is enjoying her life. That’s when you usually find your life partner. 

When I first quit my full time job I didn’t know I’d one day do ministry. I never thought I’d end up in a reality show, I never thought I’d do the many things I’ve done but I was always led to it. But the biggest thing is I wasn’t afraid to fail. Because I didn’t have much to begin with so what is there to lose. God wants us to live in freedom and not be afraid to try. I’ve done a lot of things I never thought I’d do -like dance at Moulin Rouge. What?
 
Or be on an arranged marriage show?
 
What?
But see, those were probably the coolest experiences of my life. Or meeting the thousands of people I have all over the world. Sure, the following Jesus part on the road has had a LOT of hardships and challenges but it’s taught me to surrender in a way I’ve known how.
 
Don’t be afraid of failure, think of every experience as you being led to the next, think of your life as a very rich and fulfilling life (movie). Life is about trusting God, not about perfection. Life is about knowing who you are in Christ, a son and daughter of God that CANNOT be punished for doing wrong. That no matter what you do, you are a delight to Jesus. It makes life fun doesn’t it?
TODAY GOD IS BREAKING OFF FEAR IN A BIG WAY.
 
1. Life is not about making perfect decisions but knowing who you are in Christ no matter what life looks like, that you cannot be punished for doing wrong because Jesus was already punished on the cross for you. No matter what you decide, God only sees perfection in you.
2. That means you are free to choose and explore life. And if you don’t like what you’re doing, change course at any minute. You don’t have to be stuck with the decisions you made.

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I met this group of youth because I followed my desire to drink boba.

42580267_10160951970995603_7565485175648288768_nTwo of the first people I ever prayed and prophesied over was in Korea at a hostel in Busan. They are Indians from Delhi. It was a year later that I went to India. God’s ways are not our ways 🙂

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The verse God gave me today-

Psalm 65[a]

For the director of music. A psalm of David. A song.

Praise awaits[b] you, our God, in Zion;
    to you our vows will be fulfilled.
You who answer prayer,
    to you all people will come.
When we were overwhelmed by sins,
    you forgave[c] our transgressions.
Blessed are those you choose
    and bring near to live in your courts!
We are filled with the good things of your house,
    of your holy temple.

You answer us with awesome and righteous deeds,
    God our Savior,
the hope of all the ends of the earth
    and of the farthest seas,
who formed the mountains by your power,
    having armed yourself with strength,
who stilled the roaring of the seas,
    the roaring of their waves,
    and the turmoil of the nations.
The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders;
    where morning dawns, where evening fades,
    you call forth songs of joy.

You care for the land and water it;
    you enrich it abundantly.
The streams of God are filled with water
    to provide the people with grain,
    for so you have ordained it.[d]
10 You drench its furrows and level its ridges;
    you soften it with showers and bless its crops.
11 You crown the year with your bounty,
    and your carts overflow with abundance.
12 The grasslands of the wilderness overflow;
    the hills are clothed with gladness.
13 The meadows are covered with flocks
    and the valleys are mantled with grain;
    they shout for joy and sing.