Caring For Your Soul- How To Release False Responsibility

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(Some Divine encounters from the week. God told me to go to SD and I got on a train 15 minutes before the train left, these two guys sat across me and turned out they were Christian. We prayed together and I got to prophesy over them. On top- I met the owner of a cafe while sitting there and got to share about Jesus and my testimony. She was shocked by the accuracy of the prophesy. Right- I met on the street the founder of Black Lives Matter Pasadena. I said to her “you give so much to everyone, you deserve to receive too.” It was super epic. These are only a few of the many encounters I had this week as the holy spirit led me).

Recently I’ve been processing somethings in my life. I didn’t realize it but I was blaming myself for something and because of that false guilt and false responsibility, I started to feel paranoid about being completely obedient to God, because if I wasn’t and if they didn’t get the message, what if someone dies? 

My friend had a motorcycle accident with her boyfriend and her boyfriend passed away. It was a shock to me. But suddenly I felt guilt creep in. Why? Because I had told her a few times that God was telling her to go to another state and city. I told her over a span of a few months. I felt guilty that I wasn’t about to get the point across, and then I was mad that she didn’t listen (if you are reading this know that it is not your fault).

God started to show me this week I started to get paranoid about being perfect in following Holy Spirit. I became paranoid and like a perfectionist.

I was thinking about how that pastor killed himself. I bet he had a lot of self-hate and blame. Some people say “pastors or televangelists just want peoples’ money” but not enough money in this world (even if they offered someone billions of dollar) can compensate for the amount of stress you go through. 

So no one could ask me to be Joel Osteen, I don’t want to be in his spot. I can’t imagine what he goes through. I used to criticize pastors and I never wanted to be one, but then God called me to be a pastor to lost sheep so I ended up starting my own ministry.

To be in the limelight, to be exposed to critical people? That’s another level and it takes guts to be there, you have to be so firm in the righteousness of God. 

Ministers take on emotional and spiritual loads and they have to find a way to give it to God. The mistake I make is that I think it’s my responsibility and my burden and sometimes I put all the burden on myself….and I forget, no, it’s not my load. I’ve got to surrender peoples’ problems to God.

Pastors need more help than anyone else because they are constantly hearing about peoples’ problems and often are not compensated for it. In fact, some of the pastors I know have debt and do not make a good living. I know how that feels to over give of my energy and time.

I also need to learn when to stop and minister to my own soul. 

Throughout this week, I hear about peoples’ daughters, I hear about peoples’ financial stress, I hear about abusive fathers, I hear about deaths, I hear about things I really wish I didn’t know about. So I have to be careful what I absorb. I have to ask God “is this person my assignment?” and “am I over helping?”

Sometimes we over help to compensate for the past or a past regret of not being able to change someone’s past. 

I can’t change the past for my friend. I wrote “take risks and take chances” on my facebook wall and she replied “we did! And he died!” Well what am I supposed to respond to that. Is my advice the reason he died? No. Absolutely not. And is her not listening to me the reason he died? No. Is it my fault he died? No.

At the end of the day, we don’t know the end from the beginning. But we can’t live life in fear.

I am not responsible for anyone. I can do my best to prophesy, but it’s peoples’ job to listen. If they don’t listen, it’s also not God’s fault that something bad happens, it’s the devil’s fault. Jesus’ blood has ultimately covered us so it’s not our obedience that gains the blessing, but Jesus’ perfect obedience to the cross. 

If God is telling us to do something, it’s to give us freedom and set us free from whatever fear is holding us back. He never tells us something to control or punish us. And He will never punish you for not listening…however the enemy does have an open door if we are not aligned with His purposes. For example, if we are doing drugs when we know better, we are allowing the influence of certain spirits to attack us. If we are living in active disobedience to God, it is preventing us from living in the freedom God paid for us to have. But it is only GRACE that compels us to follow God, not condemnation. 

I told my friend, the purpose of prophesy is not so we can ask God to shield us from “pain”, it’s so we can learn to walk with God and trust God through the pain, joys and unknown. He does not PROMISE us a painless life, we are not robots! But He promises to be there to mend our wounds.

I’m not superwoman, I’m just a human and I need to learn to take care of my needs and desires. It’s so easy to take on more than God has intended for us.

If you are a minister, pastor, prophet, missionary, therapist….

  1. Take time to be by yourself and separate your junk from other peoples’ problems.
  2. Pray “dear God I’ve heard all these problems from people, please I now cast it to you and let me not hold onto them as if they are my own”.
  3. Pray in tongues if you know how, if not ask God for the gift of tongues.
  4. Do whatever you need to to decompress and release…watch comedy, go for a run, get a massage, read the bible, hang out with friends.
  5. You need to know you are worthy of rest, care and love. You need it as much as other people. You are worthy to receive.

I pray that today God will lift off any false guilt or responsibility to take care of others and I pray that you will learn to separate your soul from others’ so you are not burdened by their problems. I pray and lift up all those I’ve helped in the past years that they would go to you for help God. 

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Prophetic vision- don’t look back!!! Run as if your life depended on it!

I saw myself start a race and I’m sprinting and receiving batons from each person as I run. However my mother is behind me asking me “where are you going?” “What are you doing?” And for some of you it’s false responsibility and false guilt, it’s your exes, it’s old mindsets like fear that is preventing you from moving forward.
Each time false guilt tries to whisper in my ears it’s like a rubber band snapping me back and I’m back to where I started. It’s the fear of missing out, it’s “accusation” and condemnation!

Guys and girls!!!! This is not from God!
It’s the devil trying to stop you from moving into your promised land. If it feels like guilt it ain’t God. God is the one leading you, do not let other peoples’ expectations or accusations lead your life! Who are you look at? God or people? What is your focus on? What people are saying or what God is saying?

You need to fight the voice by saying “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, I deserve happiness, I am not responsible for them” then run and do not look back!” You are righteous in God’s eyes.
#bexprophetic

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Freeing Christians From The Religious Spirit

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You are doing enough. You are enough. 

When Adam and Eve sinned, God said “where are you?” They were hiding because they realized they were naked. God wants us to be honest. 

I told my friend “it’s better that you are out there getting drunk, partying,”sinning” and doing what you want” then to be pretending and suppressing your desires like the religious pharisees. It’s one thing to do something or not do something out of conviction from the holy spirit (AND THAT IS BETWEEN YOU AND GOD!), but it’s another when you’re suppressing what you want to say or do because you feel that you’ll be punished. 

That is GOING to spark some offense in Christians.

That is what Jesus was talking about – He said “you guys are white and clean on the outside but inside you are vermin” (something like that). 

It is the Spirit of God that causes us to will and to do. (Philippians 2:3) Which means God gives us the desire and the action to do. You don’t have to monitor people and tell them what to do. That is control and control comes from fear. 

God has brought me to a level in my faith where I’ve experienced freedom from religion.

Religion- Feeling guilty if you don’t read your bible, if you don’t go to church, if you don’t pray….etc….that is religion. You feel condemned if you don’t or do something. You feel like there is no freedom to be yourself, you are always monitoring what you say or do. You feel like you have to be nice to people to “win them to Christ”. You feel like you can’t just have fun. You’re scared to be in certain environments because you fear that “you will stumble”. You’re scared to speak your TRUTH and be honest because you feel like it’s not Christ -Like.

Relationship- knowing that you are loved by God and that you are unpunishable because Jesus was punished on the cross for you. You live in freedom and you’re not scared of “other people’s sin” touching you because you are covered by the blood of Christ. You have freedom to dance, religious people don’t just “dance” because they don’t feel the freedom to. Again, religious people are always monitoring their actions to make sure they are doing the “right thing”. This is legalism. You are free to speak your mind without fear. Remember God sees no sin in you, He only sees Jesus. 

I had a dream last night I was in the same room with a girl. I noticed needles in my heart and as I took them out one by one, I felt pangs in my body. The needles represented accusation and were connected to pains in my body recently. When I got a massage yesterday the lady kept yelling relax relax, I noticed that I was clenching parts of my body like my butt and I couldn’t relax because the accusations were causing muscle tension. Accusation causes your body to clench up because it’s “getting ready to be spanked or punished”  for doing “bad”.

I had read and accepted her messages thinking that “I should” try to get along with other Christians and “be receptive” to correction or opinion, but after that dream I realize that God was asking me to guard my heart. Another girl was also telling me “you need fellowship or accountability”.

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But I’ve never shied away from God’s correction, He speaks to me directly about it. I’ve also always had Christian friends in my life to pray for me. 

But their words made me think I wasn’t enough and that I wasn’t doing enough. 

I realize that is why I hated those “religious” words. Because they are religion. I’ve always had a close relationship with God and kept my heart pure. And even if I don’t, forcing fellowship with believers is religion. 

If you feel like you have to listen to someone, it’s religion.

If you feel like you have to be somewhere to be more “holy”, it’s religion.

You are already whole and righteous in God’s eyes because of Jesus’ sacrifice. You are not trying to be more, you are not trying to better yourself, you are already whole.

You don’t need more people around you to “edify” you, you are whole as you are, alone, standing there. 

I really hate those religious words.

YOU ARE WHOLE ALL BY YOURSELF! 

The other accusations that came – “I wish someone went with you to follow Jesus”- soon I heard them as “you are not enough”. 

But that was a lie. God had called me to go with Him, not with anyone else. 

YOU ARE WHOLE ALL BY YOURSELF.

There is this one woman, also well-intentioned, she’d say something EVERY TIME I was going to the airport or going to a new city. Even though we’d talk it out, I realize I felt accused because there was accusation and control in her tone. Even though she may not have realized it. There was a religions spirit influencing her.

God trained me to go by myself so that I wouldn’t be influenced by different spirits like the spirit of witchcraft, which is control and comes from fear. 

If you believe I’m just a normal believer, then so be it. But if you believe that I’ve been highly trained by God and that I am a prophet that hears God, then you’ll perceive what I’m saying.

Romans 8:1-2 

“Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. For the law of Spirit of Life in Christ Jesus has set you free from the law of sin and of death”.

On my journey in the last year and a half, I got so focused on trying to help people understand why I’m free and why they’re free that I stopped having fun. Instead of just enjoying life, I started sitting by the side of the road explaining to those who were sitting by the side. Instead of living my life. 

As I explained to my friend, if someone keeps eating their own shit you can tell them “dude, you’re eating poop” but if they say “that’s fine, I don’t care I want to”, there’s nothing you can do but to move on.

Don’t sit there and watch them eat their poop, move on. 

My job is to prophesy and speak the truth and move on.

On a Korean tv show, this celebrity adopted a dog and he said that he has a disease where he thinks his poop is a toy since he was locked up in a cage all his life. He started to eat his poop because that’s all he saw.

Many believers go to church every sunday and have been taught “this is all there is”. You have to do this, you can’t wear a bikini, you have to wake up early to read the bible or else God will punish you. 

They are lies. 

God only sees Jesus in you. Go live life. 

When I left my baptist church, I went church hopping but on Sundays God started telling me just to rest. He said “just rest”. So I said okay God. I started to do things I wanted to do. I mean I’ve always been very free as I was left home alone at 5-6 years old and had no adult supervision. I snuck outside my house to buy toys at the store.

When I see people with controlling parents, even though they may seem close, they have no freedom. I had to learn my mom loves me in another way. 

I’m grateful I am experiencing the freedom of being a child of God and be secure in that truth while I’m living…not being afraid of punishment, but living in freedom. 

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True Freedom Is Knowing You Can’t Be Punished For Living In Freedom

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IF YOU READ ANY POSTS< READ THIS ONE! Because it will set you free from decision paralysis and fear of living and making mistakes!!!! GOD WANTS YOU TO BE FREE!

I had a deep revelation today.

So with my mom whenever I talk to her she questions  me. “Why are you going to Korea?” I said, “mom, I do ministry, I follow Jesus and I pastor and prophesy”.

“Whose going to believe you are a pastor, you need schooling”.

……….

That’s where I usually stop but yesterday I say “okay forget about what I do, I’m just following Jesus”.

I’m not sure if she’ll ever believe me. 

Like James in the bible, who said “hey that’s my brother, he is not the Messiah, how can he be? I’ve seen his diapers and I’ve seen him poo in it! He can’t be chosen! He’s human like me, he grew up in an ordinary home, how can he have any special powers to heal?” 

I’ve often lost my voice in my relationship with my mom. My train of thought was always “okay she won’t believe me so what is the point of saying anything”. Then I just listened, and kept silent. Even when I tried to say anything or prove myself, it was a dead end and made me feel exhausted. It came from a spirit of lack (feeling like I wasn’t enough). 

So I realized yesterday after hanging out with a new friend that I felt exhausted and strained.

I felt strained and strife because I felt like I was mostly listening to things I didn’t care for. I don’t know how to describe it, but are there things you just don’t care about it? It’s not that you hate that person or you don’t care for them, but take for example “video games”….if someone keeps talking about it and you don’t like video games isn’t it boring for you? 

It’s not because you are an apathetic or mean person, but there are just topics that turn you off and make you totally shut down because you don’t function that way.

I’m a heart person and I like to hear about “how people feel” not what they know.

So in my head I thought “I’m bored”.

But I didn’t know why, I think I was forcing myself to be interested. 

So this is a HUGE revelation.

Because with my mom I used to listen to her rant about her friends or people that have hurt her and I’d just totally shut off. I didn’t talk back before but in recent years I’ve learned to say “hey I don’t want to hear about it”. I’m not a trash can that you can dump on. At first she got offended but then she learned to turn it off.

So I often felt drained in relationships because I didn’t know how to set boundaries.

I felt that I should “love” people by listening to them so I was totally neglected while I continued listening and never voicing my own opinions and problems. I felt sidelined and stepped on. I didn’t know how to voice my needs.

And I also attracted friends that didn’t know how to open up so I often had to pursue friendships instead of having a healthy balance of “hey my voice matters and so does yours” friends that reached out to me. 

Here’s another revelation-

You don’t need to listen or help anyone to be valuable or worthy.

You are worthy because Jesus loves you.

I’ve been trying to help my mom my whole life, living under the weight of her problems and her heartache, reacting to her instead of living for what I wanted. That’s why when Jesus told me to leave everything and follow Him, it was a huge shock to my mother. Well I had already moved out when I was 22, but then Jesus told me to move back at 28. So I stayed there for 2 years and restored my relationship with her, semi- restored.

He wanted me to be firm in my righteousness in Christ Jesus. 

But now I’m in a new phase in my life.

“Because you’ve been accused of and yelled at for making mistakes you now rather sit and not make any decisions because at least you won’t get punished for making the wrong decisions”.

WOW- I just told this to my friend in a phone conversation.

A big part of my life was defined by ministry and how much I helped others or my mom, but now God was also asking me “what is it that you want?”

I told my friend “more than ever I just want to have a family”.

I know how to enjoy myself, I know how to get massages and buy clothes, to spend time alone, I’m not afraid to be alone- I quite enjoy it, but I want my heart and soul to be loved by a man who is willing to open his heart up to me. So what I long for with my husband is relational intimacy.

I want to be loved for who I am and not what I can do for someone. 

That’s why recently I find spiritual talks very draining. When people are trying to figure God out or trying to figure out spirits and demons.

Because I want to be known for my simple self, like as a human being, not a prophet or a really wise spiritual person. 

I don’t want someone to ask me what God is saying. Ask God for yourself. Everyone can hear God if they ask. I believe God is asking us to take personal responsibility for our desires.

So instead of asking God “what should I do?” He is saying “what do you want to do?” Some of you will be petrified of the outcome because you fear that if you make a decision and you don’t like it that you’ll be stuck with it, or that you’ll ruin your life. And God’s like “no you won’t ruin your life, just change course if you don’t like the decision you made”.

It’s like DATING. You don’t have to stick with a guy if you don’t like him after one date. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t have to feel responsible for his feelings, God will take care of him. 

You have to do what you want to do. You won’t ruin your life with one decision. Keep making decisions in freedom. Life is an adventure. You can walk away from any decision you don’t like. It’s a play, it’s a video game, it’s a game, not a test! 

An introduction to my simple self-

Hi my name is Rebekka.

I like music. I like Korean music, Korean dramas, I like dancing, but haven’t danced for a long time. I like parties and I like food. I like hot pot, I like Starbucks. I like Boba. I like waking up without an alarm. I like enjoying life but recently I’ve felt like I’m defining myself by how much I can help others and I want to stop thinking that way.

I like to talk about relationships. I like talking about dating because it is heart stuff, not head stuff. I love hearing about dates gone wrong and I like to talk about silly things. Because relationships have to do with heart stuff, not head knowledge. It’s about experience, not just thoughts. 

Sometimes we get so caught up in our thoughts we stop living. 

So for once will you just stop thinking and do it? Not fearing the outcome and not foreboding the results but thinking of life as a really big adventure full of joys and pains? We get disappointed because we put so much expectations on one thing to bring us joy or happiness but God has always wanted you to put joy and expectation on Him, not the “things that we do”.

This life is about trusting Him and jumping time after time after time. And saying “oh cool what’s that, I want to do that. I want to go to Starbucks and get a Frappucino. I feel like watching a movie, I feel like going into that store, I feel like going to Africa, I feel like writing” and then just doing it without thinking “oh there has to be a really intense purpose for why I’m going to Starbucks” or “ok cool I made a new friend online, I’m going to meet her” instead of thinking “oh what if we don’t get along, or what if she doesn’t like me”.

That was me, I felt like God is there a divine appointment here? I felt like there had to be a divine appointment anywhere I went. So imagine my paranoia. But God’s like “no, you can enjoy life without searching for a reason to be wherever you are”.

If you want to paint, paint.

Life is about taking risks everyday and riding the beautiful waves that is life. 

Which reminds me, I want to go to the beach. I totally forgot that I like the beach. And if there are divine appointments, and there probably will be, then so be it. But I’m not defined by whether I help someone or not. Often times these appointments help me understand new things too.

What does it mean to flow with the holy spirit. It’s to not have fear and to just go do what you want, because following what you want is following the holy spirit. 

You’ve got to take personal responsibility for what makes you want. You can’t always expect others to go with you. You need to discover what makes you happy.

Trusting that God is your protector and provider, He will provide the way if you step out in faith. Will you trust Him with your heart and follow your heart?

One of my desires is to date again, but here are all the thoughts I go through. Well, I should just wait for my husband. What if that guy is a jerk and all they want is sex? What if I have a bad experience?

And I think God is just like “if you want to try, try, don’t be afraid”.

Don’t take life so serious. Don’t think it’s about the final destination. Have fun, enjoy life, relax. It’s not about getting somewhere but enjoying the experiences.

I realize I would get backaches or neck aches as I felt the burden of the decision was on me. That is condemnation, that is law. You are not responsible for yourself or your heart or your decisions. I know we’ve been taught that we are to be responsible for our decision but if we have the spirit of the Lord living on the inside of us, we can trust that He is leading us and even if we make mistakes, God actually doesn’t even see it. God only sees Jesus in you.

Under grace, you can live in complete freedom.

YOU ARE FREE! You can do whatever you want without fearing consequences of punishment. It says perfect love casts out fear because fear has to do with punishment. God is saying “you are free to live and try and know that you won’t be punished for your decisions”.

You are also FREE of your past mistakes and decisions.

There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. So I don’t beat myself up for the past, I don’t beat others up for failing me, I don’t beat my mom up for accusing me. I can move on and know that God only sees Jesus in us. 

I can make decisions and live life without the fear of judgement, condemnation or punishment. Because He says “TRY AND LIVE, LIVE IN FREEDOM!”

You lose joy when you feel like you are going to be punished for every wrong decision you make but if you know God only sees perfection in you, you know that you are completely free and unpunishable.

There are times God tells me to ask people for donations and I started to feel condemned because people made me feel bad about it instead simply saying I can’t or I don’t want to right now. So I started to blame myself or not want to try anymore. I know my heart is right and I never had any intentions of guilt tripping anyone, but some people because what they were going through, projected their feelings on me.

I was simply listening to God.

So when I kept listening to God and doing what I heard I started to see open doors again and I realize NO I didn’t do anything wrong and I didn’t have any false intentions. 

When I started to receive confirmation I realize the closed doors weren’t confirmation that I was doing something wrong but that I was on the right track but that new DOORS needed to open…..Breakthrough takes perseverance and it may mean you hear lots of NO’s.

But you will get to the open door, you will hear the Yes. You will find your tribe, you will find people who understand you. So don’t fear rejection. Keep going.

No’s aren’t a sign that you are on the wrong path, it just means God is building your perseverance and resolve. People who give up and just result to being accepted in the safety zone never get to where they want to go. Somehow they compromise a part of themselves to fit in because that crowd is where they hear “yes” the most…but they have to compromise who they are to hear that yes. Maybe they never get rejected but their hearts suffer from denying their own desires. 

Ps- I just wanted to add that even if I didn’t hear God and I asked for a donation or did something, that I still wouldn’t be punished for it. Because there is freedom in Christ Jesus. I think God was teaching people through me that it’s not like He will punish you for saying no. 

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As A Child, Depending On God

Breaking out of fear of lack: This journey recently has really challenged me to live like today is my last day. To not worry about tomorrow. There are times money is so tight I worry about the next day and God is just like – use what you have for today and tomorrow I will provide for where you will stay and what you will eat.
It’s literally living without fear of anything. Fear of danger, fear of lack, fear of tomorrow. When we are children, we learn to rely on our parents. It’s a given, we don’t think about it. But when we grow up we are taught to be self-sufficient. We are afraid to ask for help, we think it’s shameful to not be able to be independent. But none of us are meant to be self-sufficient. God wants us to be like children at all times. 

God is our father and He will provide all things according to His riches in glory.
So don’t clamp onto what He already gave you. Use it and He will provide more.
Our fear of tomorrow often has us holding onto what needs to be used for today, and we never really step into our purpose or destiny because we are worried about a future that never comes.

I see kids playing at the arcade and I’m reminded how kids rarely have a lot of money but when they run out they ask their parents for more.
God wants us to live like this in perfect faith that he will always provide when we run out.

God doesn’t want us to be self sufficient he wants us to be like children.

As I was writing this I saw a girl dancing in Burger King. Right before I found myself singing to the Burger King songs playing and she started singing too.

I had just moved to another hostel today and was feeling lack because I had $20 NZD left for food that day (and just in general and in total). I was worried about tomorrow and where I would stay. I was thinking about tomorrow but not having the energy for today (as the thoughts of lack was pressing down on me and weighing on my heart, truthfully there are just days I doubt that God will come through for me and my mind goes to worse case scenario).

However, there was a man on the opposite bunk bed that was hiccuping. I asked to pray for him and I said “I see you surfing” and he said “yes I surf, is it because you saw my tattoo?” and he turned his forearm. There was a tattoo of waves. I said “no, I didn’t see that at all”.

After that, I was like….I need to get out of this funk and just use my money in faith. So I decided to go to Burger King and have a meal. I guess God wanted me there to meet these girls.

I felt like I needed to pray for these 3 girls, 14 year old high schoolers.

They had such unjaded confidence, perhaps the type of confidence I once had but am finding again.

I ended up praying for them and telling them my testimony and journey. Truthfully sometimes when I pray for people, I am actually learning more from them than anything. They were all Christians too.

I remember when I was 14. I wanted to change the world and I believed that I could. I had a heart for women, and I wanted to rescue women from human trafficking. I thought that anything was possible.

I am slowly believing that again, but life sometimes have a way of getting you down.

All things are possible with God. 

Anything is possible. 

Help us to have a hope of a 14 year old.

Prayer:

Dear God- I pray that you will help our hearts to trust you completely, as children. I pray that we will not rely on ourselves, but the heavenly Father who richly provides. I pray that you will rid our hearts of the fear of lack. So often we grow up relying on our parents but when it comes time we move out and we think we have to be self-sufficient.

But God you desire us to be like little children, daily trusting you.

God today we trust you completely. You’ve never let us down. Rid our minds of the fear of the future. Our future is in your hands, not ours. You are our Father and you provide for us. Thank you for loving us. In Jesus name Amen!

When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”

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You Are Enough – The Message of The Cross

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I realized this morning that I’m scared of happiness. I’m scared to be happy.

All my life I lived in the shadows of a broken home and unworthiness seemed to follow me wherever I went.

I started to see my worth when I understood grace, a finished work that required no work of my own but that Jesus finished the work for me.

Yet when I see a happy couple or family, my heart is doubtful.

I want to find flaws and I want to know they’ve struggled, I want to see brokenness, I want to know I’m not the only one who has struggled or is struggling.

At the same time I don’t want my pessimism to touch them, to infect their happiness.

I just heard the Lord say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.

I deserve happiness and I deserve to be loved. I deserve to have.

I am worthy. I am worthy. I am worthy.

Growing up I felt like God owed me a great deal for the way I grew up. I was always fighting to survive. There was always a conflict, a struggle, a battle and I often felt restless.

I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, unable to feel like myself in this world.

Just receive, sometimes it’s easier to give than to receive. Because to receive you must believe you are worthy of it. 

But when you feel unworthy, you’ll refuse the help.

Sometimes we’re afraid to give because we’re afraid we will lack or not have enough.

Both comes from a fear of lack.

But in Christ we are whole and not lacking and only in loving can we understand grace, that it is all sufficient and not lacking.

Your worth isn’t in how you grew up, what situation or circumstance you are in now. Your worth is in being a child of God, knowing Jesus died for you to make you whole.

They don’t have more than you do- the ones you think have more financially, relationally, etc.

You have everything you need to do what you need to do.

My friend told me she felt depressed as she is unmarried, broke and traveling but the truth is she has everything that she needs- Jesus.

Even though I’m living in a beautiful house, I am a beautiful house.

I am the beautiful car, I am the delicious food, I am a happily married couple.

I am everything that I could ever want.

That is wholeness…realizing you are enough and you are not lacking.

You might be divorced, without income, childless, unmarried, but you are not less than those with a happy family.

God died for you in whatever circumstance you’re in and he made you pure as snow, whole, not lacking. 

He filled every imperfection, discrepancy, every hole, every feeling of lack and said you are complete.

You are not complete when you have more, you are not complete when your bills are paid, you are not complete when you get married, you are not complete when your kids are grown, you are not complete when you’re disease free- you are complete and whole NOW because of the BLOOD OF JESUS.

The danger in accruing blessings is that we start to think our worth is based on what we have when the truth is our worth comes from the finished work of Jesus.

You are blessed when your parents disapprove or approve of you.

You are blessed when you are in need or not in need.

You are blessed with or without a husband/wife.

You are blessed whether you are in the greatest or worst shape of your life.

You are blessed whether you have debt or not.

You are blessed because of the blood of Jesus. In the Spirit al is finished. That is our true identity as Kings and Queens.

We need to see people for who they really are. We call and prophesy people into who they really are- not by taking pity.

Even if you never preach like TD Jakes- you are whole and enough.

Even if your ministry never becomes as big as Hillsong, you are enough.

Even if no one knows or recognizes you for your service to God and people,  you are enough.

Even if you don’t write a book, you are enough.

Even if you are a backstage person and the lime light never shines on you, you are enough.

Even if no church affirms or approves of what God put on the inside of you, you are enough.

God will use the unexpected people to show His power because it’s not by might or flesh, but by the power of the Spirit. So if you are young or old, you feel like a failure, you feel like your life has fallen apart and you feel ashamed of your past- know that God’s power is most mighty in the ones who have no power of their own, no ability of their own. We have to get back to being a child of God, being unable on our own, being fully reliant on Jesus our savior. 

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. 

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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A Persevering Love

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A family I met in a cafe in Indonesia

I had a dream that I got married to someone God chose for me but I was doubtful that this man knew what I needed or wanted.

There are days where God tells me to pray for people but I withhold my heart because love can be tiring if you are not refueled by God.

Sometimes if we have the wrong view of God, in ministry, it’s easy to start seeing God as a tyrant.

“I am pushing your heart to come out of its cave and have no reserve, to live in the boldness of having an open heart”.

I can’t take it anymore, I have no more capacity to love – I tell God. I have no more boldness or capacity to talk to another stranger, to ask to pray for someone and risk them laughing at me or telling me no or looking at me like I am crazy.

As I write this I feel emotions welling up in my eyes as tears spring forth.

This is living with an open heart.

God is love and if we are to be more like God, God pushes our hearts to expand and to love in ways we cannot possibly love in our own flesh.

Because the truth is it’s all too easy to live l life in solitary confinement, but ministry for the last 7 months on the road, to almost 10 countries, living in 6-12 bed dorm rooms in close proximity to people have forced me to live with an open heart.

The music blasting from a club downstairs, a roommate that snores like guys fighting on the street, hearing the type of stories that make you feel like your heart is being poked out by a sword, it’s not easy to open your heart when you just want to be protected from the world, a world that is damaged, tired and worn out. 

After a few days, you have to cry.

Because you feel like your heart is being stretched like a rubber band and you start to feel numb. 

Today God kept telling me to pray for people and some I did, but I started getting really annoyed. I didn’t know what I was feeling but I said to God – “I feel unloved”.

I felt tired, worn out, exhausted.

There are times (like in the dream), I doubt whether God really knows what He is doing, especially with me.

But after taking a nap, I woke up and prayed for a guy whose leg was injured.

I also thought about how my roommate, when she started talking to someone on the phone with a friend, her face lit up….how we all are humans longing for love and when we feel unloved, we are unable to feel alive.

More than the things in the world, we long for human connection. We want to know that we are loved and appreciated.

And in that moment again I heard God say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.

Part of my thoughts also had to do with lack, feeling so stretched in having to trust God for the finances to go forward to every city. He often provides enough for this city, but then I usually don’t have the finances for the next city.

This kind of faith stretches me, this kind of life makes me trust on a level I never knew I could trust. 

But again His work is finished on the cross, and so I relax into His perfect plan.

Dear God- I won’t doubt you even though sometimes it’s hard to trust you. It’s scary at times, I feel that my heart can’t go on. I reckon this is what marriage looks like, this is what your love looks like. Your love is a love that never gives up. God fuel me right now with your love. I need to know that your love is enough for me and that your grace is sufficient for me. Without you, I cannot do nothing. Thank you for dying on the cross for me. Your love is enough for me. In Jesus name. Amen.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. Everyday I am ministering to and praying for people and sharing the love of Christ with them.

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

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Moving With The Spirit

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“You need a visa to Australia” said the Lady at the airport counter.

I stared at her, “what visa?” (I had been to Australia before but it was in 2011, I didn’t read anything about it so this caught me off guard).

I didn’t have a phone and my mind ran wild of me being stranded or not being able to take my flight.

I turned to the French tourists behind me who I was talking to, “can I borrow your phone?” I had to register for a visa 2 hours before my flight and I didn’t know how long it would take. At first the wifi wouldn’t load, then finally it was loading. 

I exclaimed out loud. “I’ve been there before when I went to Vietnam” she turned out to be a Christian. “Pray for me” I said.

5 minutes later, I registered but the visa didn’t go through yet. I had over $200, if I missed this flight it was over.

Okay let me check. The lady checked “it went through”. I sighed. OMG.

Makes sense why God told me to get up in the morning at 8am. I was groggy and tired from ministering to so many people, my period had just come and I was not feeling it. “Get up!” I heard God say. I’ve heard this many times before. “Go to the airport early”. He knew I would run into this problem, but He also didn’t tell me beforehand so that I could end up praying for the French couple after I used their phone.

Bali, Indonesia 

“I’ve been searching, I grew up Muslim but now I am searching”, said the girl in my room. I told her my testimony of learning my identity in Christ Jesus and from overworking to learning who I am as a child of God.

“Do you want to hear God?”- I asked. She said yes and came to sit on my bottom bunk. I held her hands “Jesus will you speak to her?” We closed our eyes. When I opened my eyes she said “Jesus said ‘it’s okay’ ‘it’s okay'”. I prayed for her. You are enough in Christ Jesus, you are not lacking.

Before this I was telling a Chinese girl about Jesus as we sat in our bunk beds.

A few nights before I was sitting at an eatery when I saw a Asian man. We started talking and I got to share my testimony. We ended up talking for 2 hours and getting ice cream as well.

One night I was laying in bed when I started to feel claustrophobic (this is a sign of Spirit moving- move with the spirit, because you’ll continue to feel claustrophobic if you don’t), the Lord said “get up”.

I walked out. He said “go to the second floor”. I got there but no one was there so I thought “maybe I’m just supposed to hang out with Jesus”.

Then suddenly a man hobbled into the lounge area.

I said “can I pray for you?” After praying he said that he was Muslim. He asked me if I believed Jesus was the son of God. I said “yes” and I explained that Jesus is the only God that solves the problem of sin and not being enough and that in ever other religion, you have to work for God to approve of you, but in Christ, He has finished the work on the cross so that you become whole and you get to rest in His finished work.

The Tattooed Man 

One day in Bali I felt led to go to a mall’s food court. When I went to sit down the Lord said to sit next to a tattooed man. I started small talking with him but when him and his mom stood up, I said “can I pray for you?” I saw the man preaching and asked if he has ever preached, sharing the vision with him. His mom exclaimed that the Lord had showed her the same.

Turns out they were Christian and I told them my story of leaving every thing to follow Jesus. I also told them that I am trusting God for finances, sometimes even to buy a flight ticket to continue.

Suddenly the mom whipped out some money and gave it to me. She said “for lunch money”. I was shocked and surprised but grateful to God.

To be honest, I have many times of doubting God. I sit in anxiety wondering how God will do it but somehow He continues to provide for me. Somehow I go from country to country sharing His love, even when I don’t know how He will provide for me.

Perth, Australia

“Pray for him” I heard God say. I ran after him, an Italian ex-mafia.

I prayed for him and he was very grateful. I started talking about apostle Paul and Peter, but I could barely understand him as he was speaking in half-Italian.

I had arrived the day before in Perth without any hostel bookings and no phone.

I got on the bus and immediately met a German guy. I prayed for him. He was an 18 year old, first time out of the country. We got off the bus together and parted ways.

Then started my search for a hostel. I walked a few blocks, saw a few and felt no peace about it. Then I found one and felt right about it, however everyone who came out of the hostel said they hated it. 2 Russian girls said they saw a cockroach and only stayed 5 minutes.

I said perhaps I could take over their room. However, I wasn’t sure. This girl kept pushing my shoulder, telling me to wait or to not go in. It was a very strange intimidating spirit. I walked up and decided to get a dorm room as their private room was above my budget.

Then suddenly club music from below the hostel started playing.

I thought “omg, Lord, I can’t anymore with this”.

Then suddenly and miraculously the music stopped. Already I met a Singaporean, Japanese girl, and German girl. I prayed for the staff who was having a fever.

Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you. Everyday I am ministering to and praying for people and sharing the love of Christ with them.

Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world. 

https://venmo.com/Rebekkalien
https://www.paypal.me/rebekkalien