PROPHETIC WORD/Singing-
“COME OUT OF THE BELLY OF THE FISH”

Come out of hiding and be vulnerable. You’ve been running away from me for too long, says the Lord.

“Jonah and the Whale,” oil by Herbert Mandel

“People are not listening to me anymore, they’re listening to the news.”- Jesus

“They’re running the other direction because it is safer in peoples’ eyes. 

Don’t be afraid to speak up and speak the truth”.

Why are you afraid of the storm when I have already calmed it.

Close the windows to fear and the news. 

I just wanted to share this prophetic word again-

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Define What You Want and You Will Get It! – Husband/Wife

I realize that I kept saying “oh man, I keep meeting guys who are emotionally unavailable” but I realized through meeting men that I was emotionally unavailable.

When I met a guy who was open and vulnerable it scared me because I was afraid to lose that person. I was afraid that I couldn’t meet their expectations. An emotionally distant man felt safe. I wouldn’t get hurt. But the truth is, I did get hurt because I was sorely neglected in my emotions.

Neglect is a form of abuse to the heart. I know this because my dad doesn’t talk to me. I did not see him for 10 years but even after seeing him again, each time he disappears and never talks to me again….like we don’t know each other.

I was also not into Christian men because from church experiences, I felt that Christian men put religious rules and expectations on me. They were interested in my performance externally (like in leadership), versus my heart.

They would say “well, we expect more of you because you are a role model”. I don’t want that. I want someone who will love me for who I am.

I also noticed when I talked to Christian men they often wanted to prove themselves to me since I left everything behind to follow Jesus or I felt that they often wanted a prophetic word from me versus wanting to get to know me as a human being. They wanted to use me to solve problems in their life. They didn’t trust their heart, they’d ask me “what should I do?”

One time I had dinner with a Christian man and all he talked about was the end of the world and one world order. 

I was so tired, I said “don’t you have any hobbies? Can we talk about normal things now?”

I felt that Christian men talked about God like 24 hours, not just with guys, but girls too.

It’s like we are not taught to be a normal human being at church or that talking about anything else is ungodly.

Recently I walked past a Christian man who owns a laundry mat and he told me that some of the things I write about is “ungodly”. I said “like what?” He said “oral sex”. I was stunned. I don’t remember writing about it but I could have written about it. That is something I have experienced in dating, it’s not something I shout about from the top of the roof but I have become more honest about my past and I know that I am righteous in Christ Jesus.

So I told him that, and he tried to invite me to his church like going to his church will save me from ungodliness. I have been cleansed of all “ungodliness” by the blood of Jesus. And sex is not ungodly, God made sex. Anyways…

I have been made righteous by the blood of Jesus, not by my works.

Well, that conversation really frustrated me.

So apparently if we act like we are saints, we are more godly? No, we’ve been made right by the blood of Jesus. 

That’s why I want to be more honest….why is it that the church act like they don’t have a sex drive and they are embarrassed to talk about certain topics. I mean there are tons of people living in shame because they are addicted to porn.

If we can talk about things, the bondage of shame and guilt will leave….and people can come into the light and see that God loves them for who they are. 

It is only through relationship and knowing that you are loved for who you are (despite your past or habits) that you can experience unconditional love. In love, addictions are broken off. Tell someone your truth. Come into the light.

Addictions start from a place of not being loved for who you are. It begins in demands versus understanding. Addictions come from shame and guilt, not grace. 

When we preach the complete finished work of God, grace- people will understand and be set free from addictions.

I love you, XOXO!

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I have a hard time communicating with my mom. She just doesn’t understand me. I felt rejected and unloved because she’s always against me, especially following God the way He has led me.

I talk to people all day and I will share stories with her.

She replies “why do you care about them, you don’t even know them. Mind your own business”.

I said “God led me to them, God cares about them”.

The conversation usually ends there where I’m mad that she doesn’t care about anyone but herself, I’m mad that she doesn’t understand what I do. But the Lord has been helping me to be patient with her. It’s easy to stop communicating and talking because we feel like “what’s the point, they’re just not going to get it”….But I pray the Lord gives you patience.

Your VOICE MATTERS! 

When she says that the people I minister to are weird, I feel like she is directly attacking me. Because these are people God cares about. I told her how I feel.

“I’m not freaking out, my blood was shed to heal the sick. You are healthy in Christ Jesus.

Why do you not believe?

Why are you swayed by the storm?

See I am right here, look, do you see?” – Jesus

I see a vision of you bombarded by the media, news about the virus, you’re looking sideways to the news, you’re getting choked.

Months ago, I had a dream people were eating this buffet and then sitting down and watching the tv. Soon, they fell asleep and Satan, dressed in latex, came and choked them to death. I warned everyone and told them not to eat the buffet, but only a few listen. 

30 Things the Blood of Jesus Does (copied from this website)

My debt is paid, once and for all

“So Christ was offered once to bear the sins of many. To those who eagerly wait for Him He will appear a second time, apart from sin, for salvation.” (Hebrews 9:28)

I am justified

“Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. “ (Romans 5:9)

I am forgiven

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace” (Ephesians 1:7)

I am spared from God’s wrath

“Much more then, having now been justified by His blood, we shall be saved from wrath through Him. “ (Romans 5:9)

I am being spiritually healed; one day even my flesh will be replaced with an incorruptible body

“…who Himself bore our sins in His own body on the tree, that we, having died to sin, might live for righteousness—by whose stripes you were healed.” (I Peter 2:24)

I am spiritually alive

“Then Jesus said to them, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless you eat the flesh of the Son of Man and drink His blood, you have no life in you.” (John 6:53)

My judgment has been satisfied and I am at peace with God

“But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement for our peace was upon Him, and by His stripes we are healed.” (Isaiah 53:5)

The bloodstream of His people Israel will be purged

“For I will cleanse their blood that I have not cleansed: for the Lord dwells in Zion” (Joel 3:21)

I am cleansed

“But if we walk in the light as He is in the light, we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus Christ His Son cleanses us from all sin.” (I John 1:7)

I have the power to overcome the enemy

“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony, and they loved not their lives unto the death.” (Revelation 12:11)

I am no longer under the curse of the law

“Christ has redeemed us from the curse of the law, having become a curse for us (for it is written, “Cursed is everyone who hangs on a tree”).” (Galatians 3:13)

I have been reclaimed from the enemy

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace.” (Ephesians 1:7)

I am no longer a stranger to the covenant of promise

“…that at that time you were without Christ, being aliens from the commonwealth of Israel and strangers from the covenants of promise, having no hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.” (Ephesians 2:12-13)

The final act of public expiation has been made on my behalf

“For the life of a creature is in the blood, and I have given it to you to make atonement for yourselves on the altar; it is the blood that makes atonement for one’s life.” (Leviticus 17:11)

I have been moved from the enemy’s kingdom into the kingdom of God

“Having disarmed principalities and powers, He made a public spectacle of them, triumphing over them in it.” (Colossians 2:15)

I have gained the unmerited favor of God

“In Him we have redemption through His blood, the forgiveness of sins, according to the riches of His grace.” (Ephesians 1:7)

I have been declared righteous

“For He made Him who knew no sin to be sin for us, that we might become the righteousness of God in Him.” (2 Corinthians 5:21)

I have been justified (just as though I had never sinned)

“being justified freely by His grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus, whom God set forth as a propitiation by His blood, through faith, to demonstrate His righteousness, because in His forbearance God had passed over the sins that were previously committed…” (Romans 3:24-25)

I am able to come close to God

“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far off have been brought near by the blood of Christ.” (Ephesians 2:13)

I can participate in the sweet communion of remembrance of His sacrifice

“Likewise He also took the cup after supper, saying, “This cup is the new covenant in My blood, which is shed for you.” (Luke 22:20)

My redemption will never perish

“Knowing that you were not redeemed with corruptible things, like silver or gold, from your aimless conduct received by tradition from your fathers, but with the precious blood of Christ, as of a lamb without blemish and without spot.” (1 Peter 1:18-19)

Jesus testifies on my behalf that I am clean

“…and from Jesus Christ, the faithful witness, the firstborn from the dead, and the ruler over the kings of the earth. To Him who loved us and washed us from our sins in His own blood and has made us kings^[ and priests to His God and Father, to Him be glory and dominion forever and ever. Amen.” (Revelation 1:5)

I am free

“Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondage.” (Galatians 5:1)

I am protected from judgment

“that you shall say, ‘It is the Passover sacrifice of the Lord, who passed over the houses of the children of Israel in Egypt when He struck the Egyptians and delivered our households.’” So the people bowed their heads and worshiped.” (Exodus 12:27)

I am freed from a conscience defiled by guilt

“let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.” (Hebrews 10:22)

I am no longer condemned

“There is therefore now no condemnation to those who are in Christ Jesus, who do not walk according to the flesh, but according to the Spirit.” (Romans 8:1)

I have been separated from the world and declared holy (wholly) to God

“I have been crucified with Christ; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me; and the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me.” (Galatians 2:20)

I can proclaim total victory

“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb, and by the word of their testimony, and they loved not their lives unto the death.” (Revelation 12:11)

I can enter boldly into the holiest of holies…and live

“Therefore, brethren, having boldness to enter the Holiest by the blood of Jesus, by a new and living way which He consecrated for us, through the veil, that is, His flesh, and having a High Priest over the house of God, let us draw near with a true heart in full assurance of faith, having our hearts sprinkled from an evil conscience and our bodies washed with pure water.” (Hebrews 10:19-22)

I have further revelation of who God is

“who being the brightness of His glory and the express image of His person, and upholding all things by the word of His power, when He had by Himself purged our sins, sat down at the right hand of the Majesty on high…” (Hebrews 1:3)

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I had a dream I needed to stay at my friend’s house and the building used to have a bunch of boxes and spider webs and I was explaining to this guy I used to like that I used to sleep on the second floor and now the first floor, even out in the living room. 

The building was clean, no cow webs.

There were two guys and they were jealous, they wanted to get close to me.

I woke up with a salsa dance song in my head.

It’s mexican.

Yesterday I was dancing salsa with a few strangers, they were all mexican.

The last few months, everyday I was meeting Mexicans everyday.

I guess my connection with Mexicans is very strong.

I like how they like to dance, party and celebrate life. They like to have fun. Their culture is a reflection of the childlike nature within me.

I grew up in a tumultuous home. When I was younger my parents fought a lot. I still have a clear vision in my head where they were throwing things at each other and they grabbed me and fought for me. There was lots of shouting and so I did the safest thing I could think of, I hid under my table and played by myself all day.

That may be why I had minor scoliosis and I can’t bend my back a certain way. But any I pray complete healing over my back in Jesus name.

My dad left and my parents divorced. We left for America, we left the remains of yesterday. 

But today I woke up with no animosity or tension in my heart. I felt that I was finally getting my joy back. I was no longer angry at the conservatives who hurt me, I was no longer angry at my parents, at friends who betrayed at me, people who persecuted me.

Why? Because I’ve learned to dance again.

You have to find the things that bring you joy. You can’t sit brooding, being angry or sad. The devil loves to steal your joy. He would love to get you stuck on the past, he wants people to focus on a virus, he wants people to hide in their houses. 

I was so angry at people, I was so sad, I was hurt but God healed my heart.

How can I stay angry at people when I can dance and enjoy my life? Why waste another minute of my life living in regret? When I can enjoy my life? Why allow people to steal your energy, time and joy?

I know God is bringing my husband too. Like I said I’ve been meeting men everyday, sure, people I’m ministering to on the road but the more I feel this joy in my heart, the more I can feel my husband’s heart. I can feel it is approaching me.

You know how I’m led by the Spirit? I can feel my heart being led to the people. When I meet them, I can feel whatever their heart is feeling. 

It’s coming, all that you’ve been waiting for. If you trust your heart enough to be led by your heart.

Trust your heart as it has always been leading you.

Dance on the grave of yesterday.

It’s all in the past.

Live today like it’s a party. Laugh and dance, don’t live another day waiting for tomorrow. 

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God has been bringing me lost sheep (right now mostly Christians/Catholics who have walked away from Jesus or not fully committed to Him, some are also atheists, agnostics, etc.) that are males, so I meet at least 2-3 men a day.

Last night there was a man on the bus and the Lord told me to talk to him. He said he got of prison and his ex-wife took his kid away so he needed prayer to get his kid back. I’m like “wow at least you are trying, I feel like my dad never tries”. I prayed and prophesied that he would be a preacher. He was an ex-gangster. He also took the wrong bus I believe so that we could meet. I honestly was a bit done talking to people, but God pointed an arrow at him.

As I am getting ready for marriage- dealing with the issues I have with men, I’m kind of amazed at how many issues I have with men (mostly dealing with my absent father). 

My dad cheated on my mom and they divorced when I was 8. I dated some men in my twenties but had a long term relationship of 2.5 years. That relationship traumatized me because not only was he absent at times (disappearing for 2-3 days with no notice), he was also controlling when he was present. He was afraid to face his emotions, open up and be vulnerable and his way of confronting his fears was to disappear or to control me. 

I’ve met thousands of people in the last 2 years. 2 years ago, God gave me a dream about men’s faces, it was like Tinder. I was swiping and God said “get ready”. These last 5 months I’ve met numerous male divine encounters. God has shown me how to have patience with men, grace for men, understanding for men, forgiveness.

A couple of days ago, I met two 21 men back to back by divine appointment. I met both of them on the bus as the Lord pointed them out. I talked to them. They were both trying to hit on me, leading with their sexuality. I then found out when talking to man #1 that he was molested by his babysitter when he was 5 while she was 22. 

I then understood why he was so sexual, there was an open door through the sexual trauma he experienced. I then prayed to close any doors in his spirit. After I prayed for him, he said that he felt bad because he felt that he was a sinner. I told him that he was washed clean by the blood of Jesus as He was also Christian. 

The issues I hear about sometimes overwhelm me. I’m like “okay, maybe I just won’t talk to people”. But God showed me that He was exercising and opening my heart to love…but I can’t say that it has been easy. 

Everyday is intense for me.

It causes me to pray without ceasing. It causes me to cry without abandon. Yesterday I cried on the train and I started weeping when I got off the train. I cried in front of everyone and I didn’t care. 

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Tomorrow is my birthday!

Not to start with a sob fest or anything but the last couple of years have been disappointing. I was in my wilderness season and didn’t really have friends to celebrate with, and even if I did I didn’t have the heart to. I really felt depressed.

So honestly I didn’t get any gifts except maybe from my mom. So if you want to give a birthday gift the links are below. I also didn’t get Christmas presents for a few years.

It won’t be like this forever, the dry and weary seasons of your life, the seasons you feel alone and are struggling.

I know it’s ending for me. For one, I actually have a friend this year that I got to celebrate with. It’s already better. I got a gift this year.

I have people that love me. 

I lost many friends in the season God launched me into ministry. There were many misunderstandings and many probably divinely assisted friend breakups. It had to happen for me to move on. But it still hurt.

I spent my last birthday in Australia, celebrating with a small group of Christians that I just met. It felt foreign but my heart was happy to be with people.

One birthday a few years ago, I was healing from a relationship breakup and I was tired of seeing relatives for my birthday (who would probably criticize me instead of celebrate me, or perhaps gossip about me) so I went to Catalina Island and then God had me bump into Kris Holden Reid, an actor.

He was my favorite actor at that point but I forgot who he was…I thought I had met him at church or something.

This year my friend and I went to an after Oscar party, which turned out to be a bit boring but we met someone who met for Jimmy Kimmel and a few 19 year old actors who were full of life and quite handsome.

I REALLY HATE THAT I DON’T HAVE NEW SHOES. Look at these summer wedges, they don’t match but I AM MAKING THEM WORK.

I NEED NEW SHOES ASAP but finding comfortable cute shoes is like finding your husband, it’s like WHEN LORD!~ 

Also please be in prayer for me…

This morning I woke up to Target saying someone tried to charge my credit card…praise God it didn’t go through but I’ll have to change all my passwords.

A few months ago my phone was stolen. I mean the enemy is trying hard ….but I DECREE THIS-

“Dear Child,

I am so PROUD of you. I love who you are. You are so beautiful in my eyes. You don’t need to do anything to make me love you more. I am so proud of you.  I love you so much. I have plans to prosper you and to make you happy. I love you the way that you are. You don’t have to change a thing. I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to do and if I tell you something, it’s not to hurt you, it’s to help you. Do you believe me? Do you believe that I love you?” – Jesus

Last night I wanted to go dance and my mother said, you’re out all day and you want to go out again. She said “you want the best, but you won’t take responsibility”.

I suddenly felt like I wasn’t doing enough, to be responsible or something. But then I was like “that’s a lie”. I’m a child of God, not a slave. He has given me freedom to enjoy my life. God’s timing is perfect. You are not under PUNISHMENT, Jesus was punished on the cross for you.

But I wanted to share this video with you.

YOU ARE DOING ENOUGH. AND YOU ARE ENOUGH.

YOU DESERVE TO HAVE FUN, JESUS PAID FOR IT!

As I was praying I felt this weight come off my shoulder, physically and a release in my heart that was tense.

YOU’RE A CHILD OF GOD. A LOT OF PEOPLE HAVE BEEN UNDER PERSECUTION LATELY AND GOD IS SAYING YOU’VE DONE ENOUGH AND YOU’RE ENOUGH.

I DON’T CARE WHAT ANYONE SAYS.

Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus – Romans 8:1

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