God has been bringing me lost sheep (right now mostly Christians/Catholics who have walked away from Jesus or not fully committed to Him, some are also atheists, agnostics, etc.) that are males, so I meet at least 2-3 men a day.

Last night there was a man on the bus and the Lord told me to talk to him. He said he got of prison and his ex-wife took his kid away so he needed prayer to get his kid back. I’m like “wow at least you are trying, I feel like my dad never tries”. I prayed and prophesied that he would be a preacher. He was an ex-gangster. He also took the wrong bus I believe so that we could meet. I honestly was a bit done talking to people, but God pointed an arrow at him.

As I am getting ready for marriage- dealing with the issues I have with men, I’m kind of amazed at how many issues I have with men (mostly dealing with my absent father). 

My dad cheated on my mom and they divorced when I was 8. I dated some men in my twenties but had a long term relationship of 2.5 years. That relationship traumatized me because not only was he absent at times (disappearing for 2-3 days with no notice), he was also controlling when he was present. He was afraid to face his emotions, open up and be vulnerable and his way of confronting his fears was to disappear or to control me. 

I’ve met thousands of people in the last 2 years. 2 years ago, God gave me a dream about men’s faces, it was like Tinder. I was swiping and God said “get ready”. These last 5 months I’ve met numerous male divine encounters. God has shown me how to have patience with men, grace for men, understanding for men, forgiveness.

A couple of days ago, I met two 21 men back to back by divine appointment. I met both of them on the bus as the Lord pointed them out. I talked to them. They were both trying to hit on me, leading with their sexuality. I then found out when talking to man #1 that he was molested by his babysitter when he was 5 while she was 22. 

I then understood why he was so sexual, there was an open door through the sexual trauma he experienced. I then prayed to close any doors in his spirit. After I prayed for him, he said that he felt bad because he felt that he was a sinner. I told him that he was washed clean by the blood of Jesus as He was also Christian. 

The issues I hear about sometimes overwhelm me. I’m like “okay, maybe I just won’t talk to people”. But God showed me that He was exercising and opening my heart to love…but I can’t say that it has been easy. 

Everyday is intense for me.

It causes me to pray without ceasing. It causes me to cry without abandon. Yesterday I cried on the train and I started weeping when I got off the train. I cried in front of everyone and I didn’t care. 

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