How To Deal With A Guilt-Tripping Mother

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New conversation with God added-

God– she’s not your responsibility

Me– it feels really heartless to leave her when I know she’s in need of care and love

God– only I can give her what she needs

Me– but what if she’s not going to you for it.

God– she will when you get out of the way.

As you know I talk about my mother a lot. She doesn’t like me writing about her but I feel like it helps people. Of course I don’t let her read them. A writer vows to tell the truth at all times, so here’s my truth.

I’ve included a video to help you.

It’s the holidays, how many people are guilt tripped to do what they DON’T WANT.

Questions to ask yourself-

  1. What season am I in? A season of rest, work, or healing? Your priority isn’t to live for someone else but to live for God and what God has told you. So if your priority isn’t to please your mother or family right now, it’s important to set boundaries and not succumb to spending every second with them.
  2. Whenever someone ask you to do something, walk outside and ask yourself if it’s something you want to do or if God has called you to it?

How to Deal with Guilt-tripping mothers or people-

1. Do not submit to what they ask of you out of guilt!

2. Explain why you don’t want to do what they ask of you. Don’t get angry back, just explain.

3. Keep NOT SUBMITTING

4. Be able to have a real talk with them about how it makes you FEEL when they do specific things like give you the SILENT treatment. “It makes me feel guilty when you don’t talk to me, you have to tell me how you’re actually feeling, can you communicate honestly with me?”

5. ASK them what they are feeling. Even if they yell eventually they will break and tell you what they’re ACTUALLY GOING THROUGH. Maybe they are afraid of the unknown, they are unsure about their life right now, maybe they are scared of being unemployed right now, or they have personal fears they are not letting you know about. 

How people act towards you usually has nothing to do with you.

People have issues, people get triggered.

Now say out loud-

I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there’s no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus.

Things you NEED TO KNOW-

  1. It’s NOT YOUR FAULT IF someone is mad at you.
  2. If someone holds a grudge, it’s also not your fault. Because if you apologize, they may still hold that grudge.
  3. You are doing the BEST YOU CAN. Now it’s another issue if you never admit fault.
  4. YOU ARE NOT CREATED TO LIVE FOR or PLEASE YOUR MOTHER, FATHER, FRIEND or EVEN HUSBAND/WIFE! 
  5. There is a responsibility to TAKE CARE OF YOUR EMOTIONS or GO TO GOD for emotional support. Then there is going to people and telling them WHAT YOU NEED from them. 

a. For example I like to be loved this way- touch, texting, calling, gifts, spending time, etc.

b. Express what you need….I need alone time.

c. Ask what they need to feel loved.

6. COMMUNICATION IS EVERYTHING! And finally YOU CANNOT FULFILL EVERY DESIRE AND NEED SOMEONE HAS, only GOD can! Be okay releasing them to God for what only God can do for someone! 

Prayer- God today I release that person into your care and love. I cannot love them the way you can. I release all control of their heart to you. I release my anxieties to you as well. I am not in control. Only you can love them the way they need to be loved. It is NOT my responsibility to take care of them, it is yours God.

It’s important that you don’t become the person someone relies on all the time, because then you take the place of God in their lives.

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True Freedom Is Knowing You Can’t Be Punished For Living In Freedom

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IF YOU READ ANY POSTS< READ THIS ONE! Because it will set you free from decision paralysis and fear of living and making mistakes!!!! GOD WANTS YOU TO BE FREE!

I had a deep revelation today.

So with my mom whenever I talk to her she questions  me. “Why are you going to Korea?” I said, “mom, I do ministry, I follow Jesus and I pastor and prophesy”.

“Whose going to believe you are a pastor, you need schooling”.

……….

That’s where I usually stop but yesterday I say “okay forget about what I do, I’m just following Jesus”.

I’m not sure if she’ll ever believe me. 

Like James in the bible, who said “hey that’s my brother, he is not the Messiah, how can he be? I’ve seen his diapers and I’ve seen him poo in it! He can’t be chosen! He’s human like me, he grew up in an ordinary home, how can he have any special powers to heal?” 

I’ve often lost my voice in my relationship with my mom. My train of thought was always “okay she won’t believe me so what is the point of saying anything”. Then I just listened, and kept silent. Even when I tried to say anything or prove myself, it was a dead end and made me feel exhausted. It came from a spirit of lack (feeling like I wasn’t enough). 

So I realized yesterday after hanging out with a new friend that I felt exhausted and strained.

I felt strained and strife because I felt like I was mostly listening to things I didn’t care for. I don’t know how to describe it, but are there things you just don’t care about it? It’s not that you hate that person or you don’t care for them, but take for example “video games”….if someone keeps talking about it and you don’t like video games isn’t it boring for you? 

It’s not because you are an apathetic or mean person, but there are just topics that turn you off and make you totally shut down because you don’t function that way.

I’m a heart person and I like to hear about “how people feel” not what they know.

So in my head I thought “I’m bored”.

But I didn’t know why, I think I was forcing myself to be interested. 

So this is a HUGE revelation.

Because with my mom I used to listen to her rant about her friends or people that have hurt her and I’d just totally shut off. I didn’t talk back before but in recent years I’ve learned to say “hey I don’t want to hear about it”. I’m not a trash can that you can dump on. At first she got offended but then she learned to turn it off.

So I often felt drained in relationships because I didn’t know how to set boundaries.

I felt that I should “love” people by listening to them so I was totally neglected while I continued listening and never voicing my own opinions and problems. I felt sidelined and stepped on. I didn’t know how to voice my needs.

And I also attracted friends that didn’t know how to open up so I often had to pursue friendships instead of having a healthy balance of “hey my voice matters and so does yours” friends that reached out to me. 

Here’s another revelation-

You don’t need to listen or help anyone to be valuable or worthy.

You are worthy because Jesus loves you.

I’ve been trying to help my mom my whole life, living under the weight of her problems and her heartache, reacting to her instead of living for what I wanted. That’s why when Jesus told me to leave everything and follow Him, it was a huge shock to my mother. Well I had already moved out when I was 22, but then Jesus told me to move back at 28. So I stayed there for 2 years and restored my relationship with her, semi- restored.

He wanted me to be firm in my righteousness in Christ Jesus. 

But now I’m in a new phase in my life.

“Because you’ve been accused of and yelled at for making mistakes you now rather sit and not make any decisions because at least you won’t get punished for making the wrong decisions”.

WOW- I just told this to my friend in a phone conversation.

A big part of my life was defined by ministry and how much I helped others or my mom, but now God was also asking me “what is it that you want?”

I told my friend “more than ever I just want to have a family”.

I know how to enjoy myself, I know how to get massages and buy clothes, to spend time alone, I’m not afraid to be alone- I quite enjoy it, but I want my heart and soul to be loved by a man who is willing to open his heart up to me. So what I long for with my husband is relational intimacy.

I want to be loved for who I am and not what I can do for someone. 

That’s why recently I find spiritual talks very draining. When people are trying to figure God out or trying to figure out spirits and demons.

Because I want to be known for my simple self, like as a human being, not a prophet or a really wise spiritual person. 

I don’t want someone to ask me what God is saying. Ask God for yourself. Everyone can hear God if they ask. I believe God is asking us to take personal responsibility for our desires.

So instead of asking God “what should I do?” He is saying “what do you want to do?” Some of you will be petrified of the outcome because you fear that if you make a decision and you don’t like it that you’ll be stuck with it, or that you’ll ruin your life. And God’s like “no you won’t ruin your life, just change course if you don’t like the decision you made”.

It’s like DATING. You don’t have to stick with a guy if you don’t like him after one date. Don’t be so hard on yourself. You don’t have to feel responsible for his feelings, God will take care of him. 

You have to do what you want to do. You won’t ruin your life with one decision. Keep making decisions in freedom. Life is an adventure. You can walk away from any decision you don’t like. It’s a play, it’s a video game, it’s a game, not a test! 

An introduction to my simple self-

Hi my name is Rebekka.

I like music. I like Korean music, Korean dramas, I like dancing, but haven’t danced for a long time. I like parties and I like food. I like hot pot, I like Starbucks. I like Boba. I like waking up without an alarm. I like enjoying life but recently I’ve felt like I’m defining myself by how much I can help others and I want to stop thinking that way.

I like to talk about relationships. I like talking about dating because it is heart stuff, not head stuff. I love hearing about dates gone wrong and I like to talk about silly things. Because relationships have to do with heart stuff, not head knowledge. It’s about experience, not just thoughts. 

Sometimes we get so caught up in our thoughts we stop living. 

So for once will you just stop thinking and do it? Not fearing the outcome and not foreboding the results but thinking of life as a really big adventure full of joys and pains? We get disappointed because we put so much expectations on one thing to bring us joy or happiness but God has always wanted you to put joy and expectation on Him, not the “things that we do”.

This life is about trusting Him and jumping time after time after time. And saying “oh cool what’s that, I want to do that. I want to go to Starbucks and get a Frappucino. I feel like watching a movie, I feel like going into that store, I feel like going to Africa, I feel like writing” and then just doing it without thinking “oh there has to be a really intense purpose for why I’m going to Starbucks” or “ok cool I made a new friend online, I’m going to meet her” instead of thinking “oh what if we don’t get along, or what if she doesn’t like me”.

That was me, I felt like God is there a divine appointment here? I felt like there had to be a divine appointment anywhere I went. So imagine my paranoia. But God’s like “no, you can enjoy life without searching for a reason to be wherever you are”.

If you want to paint, paint.

Life is about taking risks everyday and riding the beautiful waves that is life. 

Which reminds me, I want to go to the beach. I totally forgot that I like the beach. And if there are divine appointments, and there probably will be, then so be it. But I’m not defined by whether I help someone or not. Often times these appointments help me understand new things too.

What does it mean to flow with the holy spirit. It’s to not have fear and to just go do what you want, because following what you want is following the holy spirit. 

You’ve got to take personal responsibility for what makes you want. You can’t always expect others to go with you. You need to discover what makes you happy.

Trusting that God is your protector and provider, He will provide the way if you step out in faith. Will you trust Him with your heart and follow your heart?

One of my desires is to date again, but here are all the thoughts I go through. Well, I should just wait for my husband. What if that guy is a jerk and all they want is sex? What if I have a bad experience?

And I think God is just like “if you want to try, try, don’t be afraid”.

Don’t take life so serious. Don’t think it’s about the final destination. Have fun, enjoy life, relax. It’s not about getting somewhere but enjoying the experiences.

I realize I would get backaches or neck aches as I felt the burden of the decision was on me. That is condemnation, that is law. You are not responsible for yourself or your heart or your decisions. I know we’ve been taught that we are to be responsible for our decision but if we have the spirit of the Lord living on the inside of us, we can trust that He is leading us and even if we make mistakes, God actually doesn’t even see it. God only sees Jesus in you.

Under grace, you can live in complete freedom.

YOU ARE FREE! You can do whatever you want without fearing consequences of punishment. It says perfect love casts out fear because fear has to do with punishment. God is saying “you are free to live and try and know that you won’t be punished for your decisions”.

You are also FREE of your past mistakes and decisions.

There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus. So I don’t beat myself up for the past, I don’t beat others up for failing me, I don’t beat my mom up for accusing me. I can move on and know that God only sees Jesus in us. 

I can make decisions and live life without the fear of judgement, condemnation or punishment. Because He says “TRY AND LIVE, LIVE IN FREEDOM!”

You lose joy when you feel like you are going to be punished for every wrong decision you make but if you know God only sees perfection in you, you know that you are completely free and unpunishable.

There are times God tells me to ask people for donations and I started to feel condemned because people made me feel bad about it instead simply saying I can’t or I don’t want to right now. So I started to blame myself or not want to try anymore. I know my heart is right and I never had any intentions of guilt tripping anyone, but some people because what they were going through, projected their feelings on me.

I was simply listening to God.

So when I kept listening to God and doing what I heard I started to see open doors again and I realize NO I didn’t do anything wrong and I didn’t have any false intentions. 

When I started to receive confirmation I realize the closed doors weren’t confirmation that I was doing something wrong but that I was on the right track but that new DOORS needed to open…..Breakthrough takes perseverance and it may mean you hear lots of NO’s.

But you will get to the open door, you will hear the Yes. You will find your tribe, you will find people who understand you. So don’t fear rejection. Keep going.

No’s aren’t a sign that you are on the wrong path, it just means God is building your perseverance and resolve. People who give up and just result to being accepted in the safety zone never get to where they want to go. Somehow they compromise a part of themselves to fit in because that crowd is where they hear “yes” the most…but they have to compromise who they are to hear that yes. Maybe they never get rejected but their hearts suffer from denying their own desires. 

Ps- I just wanted to add that even if I didn’t hear God and I asked for a donation or did something, that I still wouldn’t be punished for it. Because there is freedom in Christ Jesus. I think God was teaching people through me that it’s not like He will punish you for saying no. 

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Get Up and Walk!

I’m understanding what I give to people no money can ever buy. The strength of knowing they are a child of God. I don’t need big houses or buildings, nice cars to tell my my worth. I’m bought by the blood of Jesus and I have peace father God always takes care of me. Most people I minister to have much more fear of lack than I do. They have much more material possessions.

But I’ve become fearless. I know I’m a child of God and no demons in hell can stop me. I know father God never leaves nor forsakes me. That is something no money can buy. A relationship with father God and undying trust to Him.

I go where He calls me at a moment’s notice to who He leads me to. That is undying trust. I put my life in the hands of my father because He loves me and never forsakes me.

Those who are rich are not those who have billions of dollars – the rich ones are the ones who know they are a child of God and that God will never leave nor forsake them. They move mountains.

Sometimes I don’t have much money on me but I have a father who richly provides all my needs. I have a zillionaire father so I do His work – with a backpack and a carry on, I go where He leads me. I trust Him totally. He has shown me His faithfulness.

So I minister to those who have a fear of lack, who have everything in this world but the assurance that God can be trusted. Paul says gold and silver have I none but in the name of Jesus get up and walk! It’s a power no gold or silver can buy!

People I prophesy to have a fear of surrendering their job, moving, walking into the unknown- getting up- because getting up means trusting God.

But Father God can be trusted. I walked for years in trust with God. It can be scary at times but exhilarating when you see Him work. When His instructions lead you to a person who has been praying for an answer for 3 years. And you are the answer.

It’s so fun and adventurous. I never have a boring day.

Yesterday the Lord had told me I’m staying in Taipei and told me beitou. When I looked up places on Airbnb the first one that popped up – God said, this one.

I said, “hmmm okay”.

A donation of almost exact amount had come in on the same day.

The lady was super friendly on the phone, and when I went I noticed a Bible on the table. I asked the cleaner if she is Christian but then she said the owner was. I never met the owner in person but we talked on the phone and it turned out she had been through a lot of spiritual warfare lately.

I prayed for her. She said she had recently started to pray again and that she was coming back to Jesus. Upon further messaging I later learned she was preparing for her father’s funeral.

It’s those moments you realize, God sent you to be someone’s relief, someone’s answer.

I slept 12 hours that night.

I’m currently going back to shuangxi. Continue praying for me and those I minister to.

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As A Child, Depending On God

Breaking out of fear of lack: This journey recently has really challenged me to live like today is my last day. To not worry about tomorrow. There are times money is so tight I worry about the next day and God is just like – use what you have for today and tomorrow I will provide for where you will stay and what you will eat.
It’s literally living without fear of anything. Fear of danger, fear of lack, fear of tomorrow. When we are children, we learn to rely on our parents. It’s a given, we don’t think about it. But when we grow up we are taught to be self-sufficient. We are afraid to ask for help, we think it’s shameful to not be able to be independent. But none of us are meant to be self-sufficient. God wants us to be like children at all times. 

God is our father and He will provide all things according to His riches in glory.
So don’t clamp onto what He already gave you. Use it and He will provide more.
Our fear of tomorrow often has us holding onto what needs to be used for today, and we never really step into our purpose or destiny because we are worried about a future that never comes.

I see kids playing at the arcade and I’m reminded how kids rarely have a lot of money but when they run out they ask their parents for more.
God wants us to live like this in perfect faith that he will always provide when we run out.

God doesn’t want us to be self sufficient he wants us to be like children.

As I was writing this I saw a girl dancing in Burger King. Right before I found myself singing to the Burger King songs playing and she started singing too.

I had just moved to another hostel today and was feeling lack because I had $20 NZD left for food that day (and just in general and in total). I was worried about tomorrow and where I would stay. I was thinking about tomorrow but not having the energy for today (as the thoughts of lack was pressing down on me and weighing on my heart, truthfully there are just days I doubt that God will come through for me and my mind goes to worse case scenario).

However, there was a man on the opposite bunk bed that was hiccuping. I asked to pray for him and I said “I see you surfing” and he said “yes I surf, is it because you saw my tattoo?” and he turned his forearm. There was a tattoo of waves. I said “no, I didn’t see that at all”.

After that, I was like….I need to get out of this funk and just use my money in faith. So I decided to go to Burger King and have a meal. I guess God wanted me there to meet these girls.

I felt like I needed to pray for these 3 girls, 14 year old high schoolers.

They had such unjaded confidence, perhaps the type of confidence I once had but am finding again.

I ended up praying for them and telling them my testimony and journey. Truthfully sometimes when I pray for people, I am actually learning more from them than anything. They were all Christians too.

I remember when I was 14. I wanted to change the world and I believed that I could. I had a heart for women, and I wanted to rescue women from human trafficking. I thought that anything was possible.

I am slowly believing that again, but life sometimes have a way of getting you down.

All things are possible with God. 

Anything is possible. 

Help us to have a hope of a 14 year old.

Prayer:

Dear God- I pray that you will help our hearts to trust you completely, as children. I pray that we will not rely on ourselves, but the heavenly Father who richly provides. I pray that you will rid our hearts of the fear of lack. So often we grow up relying on our parents but when it comes time we move out and we think we have to be self-sufficient.

But God you desire us to be like little children, daily trusting you.

God today we trust you completely. You’ve never let us down. Rid our minds of the fear of the future. Our future is in your hands, not ours. You are our Father and you provide for us. Thank you for loving us. In Jesus name Amen!

When the disciples saw this, they rebuked them. But Jesus called the children to him and said, “Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these. Truly I tell you, anyone who will not receive the kingdom of God like a little child will never enter it.”

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Prophetic Word- Let Go of What’s Not Working So You Can Receive The New

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Here’s the story.

Today I got back to the hostel really excited to do my laundry. But then this happened- the washer wouldn’t open after my clothes were done being washed.

I tried hard to open it but realized I needed to give up quick. In Korea my clothes got stuck in the washer and I ended up having to leave them. This time there was someone who could help me but I needed to wait so while I was waiting for the manager, I was hit with a revelation.

If you never let go of old clothes, you don’t have room for new clothes when you’re traveling because when you travel, it will actually COST YOU MONEY (It will cost you to hold onto past hurts, old wounds, unforgiveness, old ways of thinking, fear, anger, bitterness, the past) TO bring on EXTRA BAGGAGE! 

Most airlines only give you either one or two carry on and for international flights, one baggage. There is also a limit to how much you can bring onto the flight. For international flights it is 20 kg. 

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Guess what?

You will be weighed down emotionally and spiritually if you don’t let go of the past. 

If there is extra luggage (baggage) in your heart, you won’t be able to step into the new season ready to receive the new things. 

If you don’t let go of your past relationship (or bitterness about it) you can’t go into a new relationship with room to receive the love you are looking for.

Here’s what God said
“some people are NOT willing to throw out things that AREN’T WORKING because they feel like they WASTED so much money on it already”.

You say- “IT COST ME TOO MUCH already!” It cost you too much time, it cost you too much energy, it cost you me too much heartache!

For example, your clothes were really expensive or cost a lot of money but you never wear it….it’s costing you space.

JUST LIKE a relationship that isn’t working IS COSTING YOU EMOTIONAL AND SPIRITUAL SPACE, and EVEN space where another person is supposed to be.

JUST LIKE an old mindset which isn’t working is costing you space, depression, fear, limited beliefs.

YOU feel like “I ALREADY SPENT SO MUCH TIME or money on it, I’m not willing to give it up, I ALREADY GOT HEART BROKEN OVER THIS, I can’t break it off”.

GOD’s LIKE YO! WAKE UP!

If you’re not WEARING it, it’s not worth keeping it because it is emotional SPACE.

Don’t get weighed down, God wants us to live in freedom. And that means being willing to let go when it is time.

Some people will not allow you to let go of them when it’s time, but it’s your life and you need to set boundaries for what you want in life.

I remember waking up one day and realizing that I wanted to have a heart committed to my future husband so I deleted and unfollowed every guy I ever had feelings for.

If you want what God has for you, you must be willing to let go of what isn’t for you. And be committed to trusting God and waiting for the right promises, the right people and refuse to settle for what’s lower than God intended.

Just as I waited for the manager to unlock the washer, so must we wait when things don’t happen right away. There’s no use in forcing something to open when God has a perfect timing for when He wants and is allowing something to happen. He knows when we are ready for it. Whatever it is.

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Prophetic Word: “God Hasn’t Forgotten You – Your Life Is Going To Explode”

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I don’t know who this is for but like me you may have gone through the wilderness of waiting and becoming….and hope deferred sometimes makes the heart sick…and maybe in the process you became angry and upset, you stopped hoping or dreaming, you saw other people flourish and you asked God “how about me?”

And maybe these people who were flourishing didn’t even know God, maybe they cheated others and had evil intent….they look like they are flourishing in the world, but are they really? No. God be the judge of things, but when you are filled with evil intent, you can’t truly be flourishing even when it looks like you are externally successful.

God hasn’t forgotten you. It is coming! You dreams are coming true. You do deserve happiness. Don’t give up. “I will make sure you will bear more children (dreams) than those who have a husband (the natural, works)”. God will supernaturally work miracles that no man or woman can ever do in their own flesh or efforts. Praise God! Sing barren women. You will no longer be barren.

I have been going through a process of redeeming my desires. For so long, I felt like I had to deny my desires. In the waiting season, I had to wait and just be with God. Though it was wonderful and healing, I felt a part of my heart develop some anger. I wanted the waiting to be over and I was angry that I had to wait that long. 

How come other people get to just get on with their lives? They don’t seem that dysfunctional God.

Don’t compare your process.

It’s time to let go of what you thought it should have looked like, it’s time to let go of the anger and the bitterness, it’s time to let go of expectations….because the the truth is GOD IS ABOUT TO WORK MIRACLES IN YOUR LIFE and NO MEN OR WOMEN will be ABLE TO TAKE CREDIT.

That is what He wanted all along, to DO MUCH MORE than you can with your earthly mind or hands. 

Yes, others have “flourished” externally with their own efforts, but what God is about to do doesn’t require any effort because it’s based on HIS LOVING GRACE TOWARDS YOU. HE WAS SAVING YOU ENERGY AND TIME because HE IS THAT GRACIOUS! 

Your life is about to explode. You just need to believe that you deserve it. You just need to allow your heart to receive.

This is my verse for the year. I believe that God wants to BE GLORIFIED in your life and that’s why HE IS GOING TO SHOW UP IN THE BIG WAY for those that BELIEVE in HIS ALL ENCOMPASSING GRACE. Then we will point to GOD, HE DID IT!

Isaiah 54 The Message (MSG)

Spread Out! Think Big!

54 1-6 “Sing, barren woman, who has never had a baby.
    Fill the air with song, you who’ve never experienced childbirth!
You’re ending up with far more children
    than all those childbearing women.” God says so!
“Clear lots of ground for your tents!
    Make your tents large. Spread out! Think big!
Use plenty of rope,
    drive the tent pegs deep.
You’re going to need lots of elbow room
    for your growing family.
You’re going to take over whole nations;
    you’re going to resettle abandoned cities.
Don’t be afraid—you’re not going to be embarrassed.
    Don’t hold back—you’re not going to come up short.
You’ll forget all about the humiliations of your youth,
    and the indignities of being a widow will fade from memory.
For your Maker is your bridegroom,
    his name, God-of-the-Angel-Armies!
Your Redeemer is The Holy of Israel,
    known as God of the whole earth.
You were like an abandoned wife, devastated with grief,
    and God welcomed you back,
Like a woman married young
    and then left,” says your God.

7-8 Your Redeemer God says:

“I left you, but only for a moment.
    Now, with enormous compassion, I’m bringing you back.
In an outburst of anger I turned my back on you—
    but only for a moment.
It’s with lasting love
    that I’m tenderly caring for you.

9-10 “This exile is just like the days of Noah for me:
    I promised then that the waters of Noah
    would never again flood the earth.
I’m promising now no more anger,
    no more dressing you down.
For even if the mountains walk away
    and the hills fall to pieces,
My love won’t walk away from you,
    my covenant commitment of peace won’t fall apart.”
    The God who has compassion on you says so.

11-17 “Afflicted city, storm-battered, unpitied:
    I’m about to rebuild you with stones of turquoise,
Lay your foundations with sapphires,
    construct your towers with rubies,
Your gates with jewels,
    and all your walls with precious stones.
All your children will have God for their teacher—
    what a mentor for your children!
You’ll be built solid, grounded in righteousness,
    far from any trouble—nothing to fear!
    far from terror—it won’t even come close!
If anyone attacks you,
    don’t for a moment suppose that I sent them,
And if any should attack,
    nothing will come of it.
I create the blacksmith
    who fires up his forge
    and makes a weapon designed to kill.
I also create the destroyer—
    but no weapon that can hurt you has ever been forged.
Any accuser who takes you to court
    will be dismissed as a liar.
This is what God’s servants can expect.
    I’ll see to it that everything works out for the best.”
        God’s Decree.

You Are Not Your Talent- A Message to Creatives

If you have trouble watching the video click here

I thought my dream was to travel the world,

I thought my dream was to set people free,

I thought my dream was to be on TV or to be famous or to own a big house and to drive nice cars,

I thought my dream was to help others achieve their dreams and goals….

and I realized, my dream is to be loved by God and I have already achieved that. 

My true dream is to walk with God everyday of my life…and nothing else truly matters. I get to live out His heart for people. 

Nothing has changed in my circumstances. Right now I sleep on a sofa bed I have to pull out everyday, I’m not on prime time television, I don’t have a big contract with any big companies, I’m not making bank and I don’t have a car even!!!! But I feel MORE ALIVE AND FREE than I have EVER felt in my whole life because GOD. ALL I NEED IS GOD!

A message for creatives
You are not your talent. 
I feel so strongly that many artists have felt a spirit of rejection on them and that they’ve felt like they are failure because they haven’t made it.
I have a message that will set you free.
This is my reflection after watching “Loving Vincent”.
Watch this video and feel free to share. 

After I made this video I felt like I had come back from another planet and I have been spiritually high ever since that video. I feel like GOD calibrated and breathed into my heart in a new way.

Don’t Let ”What Is” Prevent You From Going After ”What Will be”

dont-let-what-you-fear-losing-prevent-you-from-going-after-what-you-wantI woke up with this phrase in my spirit- “Don’t let what you fear losing prevent you from going after what you want”.

Life is full of change. In fact, life is progress and without it, we are not truly living. We go from being a baby to a kid to being a teenager to an adult. Our teeth grows, our hair grows, etc. But sometimes we need to let go of what is, what was to go after what will be or what we want to be. We need to pull a few wisdom teeth out, we need to cut our hair, get a trim, we need to chop those highlights because they start to fade.

I have been feeling a weirdness in my heart. It’s like my heart wants to progress but there is also a fear that I can’t handle the new season….that I’m not good enough, that I’m not truly ready for it. I am reminded that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

When we reach a new territory, it takes our hearts some time to adjust. WE struggle with letting go of “WHAT WAS” and eventually “what is” so that we can keep moving forward. 

You may be in a “good” relationship, but you are not growing with your boyfriend/girlfriend, in fact, you feel stagnant and most of the time you are pulling him/her up to your level of spirituality or intellect. People are proud of your relationship, but deep down you know there has to be something more but you are afraid of letting go of what is. 

You may have lost everything once, twice, three times and you have finally rebuilt yourself, but you are not doing what you love…you want to go ALL IN on your passions but you are afraid that you will lose everything again. Trust that your heart is worth investing everything for because authenticity and returning to WHO YOU REALLY ARE will bring joy back to your heart, even through pain.

You may have good friends but they are not supportive of your dreams because they don’t have the courage to do what it takes for their dreams. You fear losing them, you remember all the good times you had, but you know you have to choose yourself. New levels of friendship will arrive when you take that first step to go into your next level. 

Today’s post reads like a fortune cookie, but I believe these are prophecies and specific words God has released into my heart.

“Don’t let what you fear losing prevent you from going after what you want”.

What do you want and what are you afraid of losing? You are enough.

Love is here and now

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I am here, now and with you.

God is not in the distance, God is here with you, I am right here. I am not when you get the new car or find a new friend or relationship, I am here and now.

I found myself holding my breath and walking fast, I want to get home so I can relax. I hear “I am here within you”. GOD is with me, wherever and whenever, I dont have to wait to get somewhere else to access His presence. When we get anxious we forget that God is in control of our problems, we are not alone.

GOD IS NOT INTERESTED IN ONLY SOLVING OUR PROBLEMS, He desires a relationship where we can vent to,talk to and reason with Him…where we can be emotionally vulnerable. God is not interested in human strength, in fact he says “in your weakness I am made strong” or I would say “in my weakness God’s strength comes through the more”. That is why he loves when we come asking for help, he loves our confusion, he loves the tears as we finally come to the end of ourselves and to the beginning of God miracles.

 

Emotional Vulnerability

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(Phuket, Thailand)

I’m stepping out and letting my heart be exposed. I’m letting go of control. Your heart is safe for me.

I’m learning emotional vulnerability with God. I’ve had a relationship with God since I was very young. I didn’t grow up with my dad, and my mom was rather emotionally unavailable. I often played under the table in my room. I had a really wild upbringing, mostly being home alone at a young age. I was free in a way, but always looking for protection, always defending and protecting my heart. I read an article I wrote about my life in a newspaper to my mom once and she got really mad, told me not to write about it because it seems like she was really irresponsible and neglected me.

But I realize that when I’m vulnerable with the world, perhaps I can reach one person who feels alone, someone in pain, someone who isn’t brave enough to ask others for help.

I’m afraid to write honestly because of how mean the world has been to me. Because of the response I’ve gotten to my writing, because of the judgement I’ve heard from strangers. Here’s vulnerability. 

I’ve been afraid to be myself because how the world has treated me, or perhaps how I’ve treated myself. 

For awhile my heart was numb because of all the pain I went through in my life. I felt pain because of I felt like I couldn’t breathe again after a broken relationship, I felt pain because I lost friends that were dear to me, I got mad at God, I closed my heart off. Instead of going to God for comfort, I pretended everything was okay.

Joseph had a dream, a big dream and his brothers laughed at him, he was tricked and sent to prison for years. That was his desert. I’m just walking out of the prison. The prison was people who were close to me laughing at my dreams. The prison was my shutting my heart off. The prison was pretending to forgive and forget, but feeling the pain still. The prison was my unwillingness to believe that God was safe. 

And slowly I poured my heart out, it is a physical tension I still feel. I’ll feel a literal ache in my heart, my neck starts to hurt and in the pressure of all the stress, my hand has felt numb as if an after effect of my heart tension.

So in it all, I let go of controlling the pain or the fears. Because I know you are safe God.