God keeps telling me to follow my heart but sometimes my heart leads me to pain. I don’t get it and sometimes I want to shut down and tell my heart…no, but I realize that by following my heart and breaking through to the other side, I am able to feel my emotions…even though the emotions are of love and pain.
For example, sometimes we love people who are not meant to be our future spouse. So maybe a part of us tells us NOT to love that person.
Sometimes people love people who are destructive and damaging.
Sometimes we love people who purposely neglect and abandoned us.
Sometimes we love people who abuse us.
It doesn’t make sense but we follow our hearts. And sometimes our hearts are broken and messed up and it needs to learn from a beating. It doesn’t make sense.
Recently I liked a guy who told me he didn’t want a relationship, he just wanted to be friends. He claimed that he no longer had feelings for me, which I didn’t really get. Deep down, I feel like he is lying to himself because he still wants to see me, he still wants to surprise me.
He wants to see me.
That’s what matters to me. I don’t care if he’s just a friend.
God will tell me to go see someone. Human logic tells you “don’t have anything to do with this person, they don’t want a relationship”.
But God’s ways are not men’s ways. God wants to heal your whole heart. I’ve had deep conversations that have caused me to feel my heart in ways I never thought I could. Sometimes we think that we need to cut off all contact but God shows us through people that He cares about us.
When you think of someone, contact them.
When you appreciate someone, tell them.
When you miss someone, tell them.
“What’s the point? What’s the outcome?”
The point is that you are relaying to them who God is for them. When you show people that you care about them, that you are thinking about them, you are being a conduit of love to those who don’t experience God’s love.
When a guy told me after 5 years that he always thought of me, that I was special to him, it restored worth and value to me because I thought I was just another girl to him. But I was actually special, that meant a lot to me.
My dad never really told me that he missed me or loved me. It has been one year since I have seen him and the only thing he wrote me in one year is “wear a mask”. I reached out to him many times with no response.
Does he care about me? Does he love me?
That’s why when the guy showed up in practical ways (like showing up at my house), it meant a lot to me. He cared about me enough to show up in person. When I get to see someone again and again, I can sense God’s love.
That’s why I hate texts or messages. I like seeing people in person or talking on the phone with them. It’s easy to shut down when we are isolated, but God wants us to be loved by people.
You’re not alone.
Reach out to people, tell them how you feel. Your feelings matter. Do you know why you could be surrounded by people and still feel alone? Because you’re not relaying your emotions to them. You can actually be emotionally numb and be around tons of people. It’s isolating if you don’t tell them how you feel.
Vulnerability is the only way to actually experience love. Vulnerability is love.
I think that’s why when I went to house parties in my twenties, people would never really open up. It was really about having fun but not experiencing your emotions.
Now I realize experiencing your emotions help you experience love. When you’re able to say what’s on your mind and not hold back….and that person doesn’t judge you for it, you can experience love in a higher form. Understanding is the root of relationship. You have to understand through extensive communication. And even then, it takes time and energy to build communication.
I am experiencing intimacy and emotional breakthrough like I’ve never experienced. The level of love I’m experiencing is truly marriage type of love.
I always tell people now. Dating is not about the end goal but about emotional breakthrough and vulnerability. If you can learn how to be vulnerable with every person you go on a date with, you are truly ready for marriage. It’s not even about cutting someone off if they’re not your husband but maintaining friendships and being vulnerable with these friends.
God is really unconventional.
Recently He brought men into my life that reminded of me of past crushes, when I was a teenager. I had a realization that I didn’t feel good enough for these crushes and God swept away any insecurities I had through talking to these men.
I felt like I wasn’t good enough because they had both parents and I only grew up with my mom. I didn’t feel like I was good enough because their family was more financially well off. I felt less than because I was young.
But today I can honestly say that I am good enough because of Jesus’ sacrifice, not because of what I have or my family background. I felt insecure about my looks at times, and I often felt less than because of how their family treated me.
One guy’s parents seemed to think that I needed to be “controlled” and I was too wild. Some people at church told my mom that church is not a “fashion show” and I shouldn’t wear clothes to make myself stand out.
In a way I didn’t want to hang out or talk to conservative Christian parents. I thought they were judgemental and all they wanted to do was judge me. My mom was nagging but not really conservative. I just didn’t tell her much because I didn’t want her to tell me what to do.
Recently I told this guy’s mom how I felt and she said that that issue is between the guy and I. I said “no, well you asked me how I was so I wanted to be honest”. She said that I was a beautiful young woman and I shouldn’t be that open with everyone as they may take it the wrong way.
Again I felt that she was trying to control me.
I will have to follow up and tell her how I felt about that. See, this is a continuing conversation of “emotional vulnerability”. Sometimes we want to hide and gossip, we don’t confront that person. But as I grow God is constantly teaching me to tell people how I feel. It can be difficult but when you realize love is vulnerability, you’ll have no fear in your heart.
Face each fear. Tell people the truth. That fear and shame will break off completely.
What are you afraid to tell people?
Is there something in your past that you need to confess? Did you feel hurt when your mom said something to you? Do you miss someone that you feel ashamed to miss? Tell the truth and you will be set free. Today ask yourself “what is my truth?”
If there is something you’re afraid to tell someone, that is an area of shame or guilt. That power will relinquish its’ hold when you tell people the truth.
Give to this ministry- Thank you! God bless!
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I LOVE YOU AND THANK YOU FOR ALL YOUR SUPPORT!
Your heart is a muscle that needs to be exercised.
I woke up feeling tense and scared of people, I felt condemned and had to make a prayer video. You are righteous because of His sacrifice.
And then I had to take risks ALL DAY!
I was out from 11am to 10pm.
There were times I was like “no”, but most of the time I said “yes”.
What does it look like to say yes to God.
To do things that scare you.
I prophesied over strangers and told people about what I do. I asked for donations, I asked for rides from strangers. They all turned out to be lost sheep, divine appointments.
I was sitting at a bus stop and God told me to ask for a ride.
I asked a few guys, and all of them said no. They looked hesitant, didn’t want to take a risk of picking up a stranger. I didn’t say I was a prophet, I just did it.
I was getting discouraged and then suddenly a man I asked before came back. He had dropped off his work truck and came back. He had a picture of his daughter. He was Catholic, yes, of course. This man will be blessed for saying yes. We talked for awhile and a part of me just wanted to go home.
“God isn’t this enough?” I looked out the window and most of the shops were closed except for a few boba shops. It was enough to get me out the door. I thanked him and blessed him.
It wasn’t about me doing more, it was me learning to put my heart out there, no matter the risk or the consequences. Because yesterday I took a risk and asked a neighbor I just met to take me home and his stepmom kept calling him. I felt this fear rise up in my heart, I felt responsible for him getting in trouble. But God said “no you didn’t do anything wrong”. I take risks everyday, talking to strangers is not always easy. Praying for the demonically oppressed guy was not easy too, it freaked me out a little, but love is big, love never fails.
It’s about God opening your heart, and not letting SATAN have a foothold in your heart, not having a stronghold of fear in your heart (which builds as you allow yourself to submit to it).
It’s not about being right, but living in freedom and knowing no matter how people respond, you are a child of God and worthy of God’s love. You are a child of God, you are not afraid of living in freedom. This means you freely put yourself out there, you’re not afraid of the risk of rejection or judgement.
One of the only restaurants opened in Pasadena. I got to prophesy to her.
At the end of the day, I felt led to go to Popeyes and the guy gave me a free drink. I yelled “I love you”.
So yes, love requires lots of risk and it may look different for everyone but what I’ve learned is, God’s goal is to set you free to live in freedom, He wants you to be free of any fear that may hinder you from experiencing love.
Yes, maybe there were very little people on the buses and on the streets but God still led me to my divine appointments. My life is so much richer because of God.
I meet men who say they are afraid to put themselves out there to date again because of past hurts, I meet women who say the same. But so what, you have to just keep putting yourself out there, when it is the right time, the right person will come.
Sow a seed to this ministry. You will surely be rewarded! God bless you!
Having coronavirus anxiety/boredom/need prayer? chat with me tomorrow
You know how kids run around? They throw tantrums, they draw on the wall, they fall and run, they spill juice? I want you to be like that. I want you to freely talk to strangers and not be afraid of judgement or rejection. You are free. You are wild. Be that. Now I am setting you free from many fears that you’ve accrued in your life.
You got rejected by a class mate, you tried to be friendly to someone on the street, they yelled at you. You became afraid, you tried to hide.
You were betrayed by friends, you failed math or chemistry, you started to feel like a failure. You could never meet your parents’ expectations, life wore you down and you kind of just gave up.
Well, I want you to know that you are perfect in my eyes, run around again- Like that free kid.
And maybe you never got that kind of childhood, but I’m teaching you now. Hey you have freedom to be a child. I will never yell at you. I will never criticize you. I will only pick you up when you fall. I will give you a hug and say “I love you, I’m so proud of you for trying, I love those drawings on the wall.
I’m not concerned about the dirt on your pants or the dirt in your hair, keep climbing trees freely. I’m not concerned about the couch, it’s just a couch. Jump freely on it.
I know they told you you had to sit still in church, but you can dance if you want.
I know there are times for discipline as a good father disciplines his children, but not in the way of judgement or condemnation, I will love you to me.
You are not all knowing, and that’s okay. You didn’t know that you would get hurt or that you would get into an accident, that’s okay. Keep living in freedom, don’t be afraid to try again. Your parents said “you should’ve known” but you didn’t. You were just living in freedom.
My children know their identity and they are free. Maybe you don’t feel like a child sometimes, maybe you are afraid to fail, maybe you are afraid of rejection, but do you know that I love you so much?
It doesn’t matter that they reject you, you are so loved by me. I have so much love for you.
Come to me and come walk with me. I’m always by your side, I have never left you. Why do you think that I left you when all this time I was by your side? I am not people that I should leave you. There are times and seasons and not everyone is supposed to be there at all times, life is complex and there are seasons people need to move on and you need to move on from them too.
And that’s okay, because you will make new friends.
Children do whatever they feel like, they don’t sit there waiting for their dads to tell them what to do, they live in freedom.
Of course I will guide you through your desire, I will give you directions to lead you to great things because I can see things ahead of you. But these are not instructions to limit you but to surprise you, to bless you.
These are instructions to guide you so we keep walking with each other as you learn to trust me continually, you learn my character, you learn that I am reliable, that I am trustworthy.
I will never force you to do something you don’t want to. But as you trust and walk with me, you’ll see my heart of love for you.
You are walking in your true identity as a child of God. You need nothing else. It’s so much fun, let’s also have fun together. Let’s break barriers and let’s go on adventures.
You are enough, you’ve done enough, you are perfect in my eyes because of Jesus sacrifice. You don’t have to do things you don’t like anymore.
To partner and give- thank you for your love and support. I could not have done it without your support this year. Thank you to the friends that I call family now. I love you all, Rebekka.
Thank you for partnering with me to reach people for Christ!MY TESTIMONY- https://rebekkalien.com/2019/12/23/my-testimony/
So yesterday I had a dream where people started writing about me and texting me. I was becoming famous but I was in deep water and asking someone if it was okay that I was wearing leather boots, will they be comfortable or ruined in water?
Then another dream was that there were 3 animals but this guy said “it’s mine and it’s my grandma’s and I have to keep it in my garage”- referring to the past.
SO then I was telling my friend this dream and she said “just remember to relax in your own skin”.
Then I fell asleep again and then all of a sudden I had this HUGE realization.
Yesterday I met a Muslim girl from Indonesia in the bathroom. I told her how it was REALLY IMPORTANT THAT she WRITE what she FELT, not just WHAT PEOPLE WANT TO HEAR because HER STORY MATTERS AND HER VOICE MATTERS.
SHE CAN CHANGE HER NATION WITH HER WORDS.
She told me how in her country you can get imprisoned for simply joking about “having a bomb on an airplane” but I was talking about how in America you can say you want to chop off the President’s head and it’s okay because “yes it’s really that free” I told her.
She told me how when she is with relatives she is even shy about showing her neck area since she wears a head covering.
In the bathroom, she said “it’s okay, you can see me” and she took off her head covering.
Her hair was beautiful, she had dyed it partially blonde and for some reason, I felt a sigh a relief.
Is this how it feels to show your skin? To finally allow others to see the real you?
To not hide anymore, who you are, what you look like, what you think. To not be afraid of judgement, rejection, imprisonment even.
The truth is I’ve been battling insecurities at times too. For example, feeling like I have a double chin, this is my insecurity at times. And I have to come back to God and hear Him say “you are enough, you are beautiful just the way you are”.
We live in a world that tells us WHO to be, What to think, and even WHAT to say to be accepted. We get hunted down when we don’t say something that is either politically correct or that “offends” someone.
You will offend someone no matter what you say and who you are. Someone will find you offensive. People find me offensive in various parts of Asia because I am blunt.
But as a prophet, I have to brave and bold and say what’s on my mind because God’s light and truth must be spoken to pierce the darkness and lies that people believe in.
Show yourself, show who you really are.
That night I got really frustrated.
I said “God I am so ready to just speak in front of thousands of people and be a voice for the voiceless and to FREE people from oppression, I am SO TIRED of seeing people living under oppression and this FEAR of rejection and judgement. NO MORE SHAME LORD!”
Ever since I was young I saw myself speaking in front of thousands and millions of people, I saw myself writing books and shedding light into the darkest hearts. Now I am doing it but on smaller scale and a part of me feels impatient but I know God’s timing is perfect.
I pray what I write and speak will bring freedom to people.
You are not a slave to society and what society thinks of you, you are free. In Christ Jesus.
To Sow A Seed to This Ministry and What I am doing around the world, bringing Jesus’ love to people
Hey folks! The design show I was in premiers March 13. Enjoy the commercial and spot me!
Info about the design show I was on.
Design Genius: Los Angeles is finally premiering next week on March 13, 2017 on Fashion One and Fashion Television channels.
Although the network isn’t available yet in the United States, Fashion One and Fashion Television are available in Latin America, Africa, Europe, Middle East, Asia, and recently in Australia, New Zealand and New Caledonia.
And also the website! http://fashionone.com/designgenius/season3
Lately I’ve been having dreams that have caused me to cry in my sleep. This afternoon I have a dream where I’m teaching my beautiful students how to sew. My mom steps in and tells me she is not going to pay me for my time, I’m outraged and leave.
Now this actually happened.
In my career in fashion, I often felt underpaid and overworked. I felt no value. I left the industry because of it, I needed to find my worth first.
In the dream I start watching a scary movie but one of my students is still there, she cries. I hug both of them and start crying, I say it’s going to be okay. I am sorry, I won’t do it again.
There is so much fear, competition and intimidation in industries and I am reminded that we must live out our power and faith by remembering we were put on this earth to create freely, not to step on each other, but to empower and create in support and love.
I want to bring back the power of nurture and freedom in industries that have been taken over by the power of fear.
Arrived at 5:30 am on an overnight megabus. Met a cute girl who was working for magic, took a bus to the airport and took another shuttle to my hotel.
Arrived around 6:30am, thank God was able to check in and knocked out until 11:30am.
I tried gambling with $1 and lost it right away. Went to the pool 3 times today.
Will head to Pool Tradeshow tomorrow. I am press.
To add onto this I reflected on the sadness I felt today. Saying goodbye to the past and saying hello to the new season.
Also I’m starting to see such a darkness In Vegas as I was talking to the staff of a casino. One guy said “vegas was built not on winners, but on losers”. I also noted so many frustrated people, drivers, maids, everyone seemed so frustrated, under tipped, many gamblers who have given up on life.
Though Vegas has always been glamorous to the outsiders, my heart breaks for those that are longing for a quick win and sometimes losing their whole livelihood.
I’d like to party, yes, but Let’s not forget that people are broken everywhere. Healing starts from within.
Guess where I’m going?
Yes Vegas. And guess what, I’m hopping onto a midnight bus because it seemed easier. But I always say that before riding a bus – like last time going from London to Amsterdam took 12 hours was it? Not pleasant.
I’ll be noting interesting things at the Magic/Pool Fashion Tradeshow.
This is my size 0 dress I managed to squish into. The side of my armpits have to be allocated to the proper places or else I look like Hulk in a dress.
No actually I look pretty damn hot in this dress.