I realized this morning that I’m scared of happiness. I’m scared to be happy.
All my life I lived in the shadows of a broken home and unworthiness seemed to follow me wherever I went.
I started to see my worth when I understood grace, a finished work that required no work of my own but that Jesus finished the work for me.
Yet when I see a happy couple or family, my heart is doubtful.
I want to find flaws and I want to know they’ve struggled, I want to see brokenness, I want to know I’m not the only one who has struggled or is struggling.
At the same time I don’t want my pessimism to touch them, to infect their happiness.
I just heard the Lord say “you are enough, you are not lacking”.
I deserve happiness and I deserve to be loved. I deserve to have.
I am worthy. I am worthy. I am worthy.
Growing up I felt like God owed me a great deal for the way I grew up. I was always fighting to survive. There was always a conflict, a struggle, a battle and I often felt restless.
I felt uncomfortable in my own skin, unable to feel like myself in this world.
Just receive, sometimes it’s easier to give than to receive. Because to receive you must believe you are worthy of it.
But when you feel unworthy, you’ll refuse the help.
Sometimes we’re afraid to give because we’re afraid we will lack or not have enough.
Both comes from a fear of lack.
But in Christ we are whole and not lacking and only in loving can we understand grace, that it is all sufficient and not lacking.
Your worth isn’t in how you grew up, what situation or circumstance you are in now. Your worth is in being a child of God, knowing Jesus died for you to make you whole.
They don’t have more than you do- the ones you think have more financially, relationally, etc.
You have everything you need to do what you need to do.
My friend told me she felt depressed as she is unmarried, broke and traveling but the truth is she has everything that she needs- Jesus.
Even though I’m living in a beautiful house, I am a beautiful house.
I am the beautiful car, I am the delicious food, I am a happily married couple.
I am everything that I could ever want.
That is wholeness…realizing you are enough and you are not lacking.
You might be divorced, without income, childless, unmarried, but you are not less than those with a happy family.
God died for you in whatever circumstance you’re in and he made you pure as snow, whole, not lacking.
He filled every imperfection, discrepancy, every hole, every feeling of lack and said you are complete.
You are not complete when you have more, you are not complete when your bills are paid, you are not complete when you get married, you are not complete when your kids are grown, you are not complete when you’re disease free- you are complete and whole NOW because of the BLOOD OF JESUS.
The danger in accruing blessings is that we start to think our worth is based on what we have when the truth is our worth comes from the finished work of Jesus.
You are blessed when your parents disapprove or approve of you.
You are blessed when you are in need or not in need.
You are blessed with or without a husband/wife.
You are blessed whether you are in the greatest or worst shape of your life.
You are blessed whether you have debt or not.
You are blessed because of the blood of Jesus. In the Spirit al is finished. That is our true identity as Kings and Queens.
We need to see people for who they really are. We call and prophesy people into who they really are- not by taking pity.
Even if you never preach like TD Jakes- you are whole and enough.
Even if your ministry never becomes as big as Hillsong, you are enough.
Even if no one knows or recognizes you for your service to God and people, you are enough.
Even if you don’t write a book, you are enough.
Even if you are a backstage person and the lime light never shines on you, you are enough.
Even if no church affirms or approves of what God put on the inside of you, you are enough.
God will use the unexpected people to show His power because it’s not by might or flesh, but by the power of the Spirit. So if you are young or old, you feel like a failure, you feel like your life has fallen apart and you feel ashamed of your past- know that God’s power is most mighty in the ones who have no power of their own, no ability of their own. We have to get back to being a child of God, being unable on our own, being fully reliant on Jesus our savior.
Thank you for those who have been ministry partners and have been sending me out in obedience to the Lord. I pray the Lord protect and bless you.
Consider sowing into the kingdom and into the hearts of people around the world.