Breakthrough Season- Overcoming The Fear Of Confrontation

God has delivered me from fear! SO MUCH FEAR. Fear of confrontation. Fear of everything. To the point that I am not afraid to talk to strangers and I’m not afraid to tell someone if they hurt me. 

I’ve been breaking through so much. I’ve confronted every hurt in my heart, even approaching people that hurt me from 10 years ago. When I’ve told people how I felt, of course some response is like you’re too sensitive. 

But when I confronted 3 Argentinians who mockingly said “china” to me, I started crying and told them I was hurt, they apologized and started opening up to me about their hurts. Yesterday I confronted my friend’s mom about feeling judged. It was a family gathering and I asked to speak to her privately. We had a long talk. She admitted that she felt like I dressed provocatively. She said that she only cared about me. I think it’s hard to believe that someone cares about me because I always saw care as a form of control. 

How I follow the Spirit. I was on the plane and noticed a girl with a cute outfit so I commented on it and asked if I could sit next to her. Who knew the conversation would lead to crying and hugs. It was very healing and it turned out we had a lot in common, including having faith in God. 

On the way to Mexico I heard the Lord say “talk to the girl” and she was also Christian. We talked a lot about relationships and the pressures that our parents give us. I told her she is enough in Christ Jesus.

I was waiting in line at the airport and I started talking to the guy in back of me. It turned out he grew up Catholic and does film. 

I heard “go across the street” and saw 2 Germans that do body training! 

I felt the Lord tell me to go to a specific airbnb and when I got there and went out, I heard go back to the room. There I met 3 argentinians and one of them was an actor.

I was really impressed by his work and asked for his autograph. He said he also grew up Catholic. One of his friends kind of made a joke about me being Chinese and the girl made me feel like I was outcasted. The Lord told me to tell them how I felt.

I walked over and said that I felt hurt by the way they were treating me. I was scared but I did it. They apologized, I had tears streaming down my face. I cried in front of 3 strangers who then welcomed me and started opening up to me. One of them said he had a daughter in Argentina and also grew up Christian. One of them said when they first went to Mexico they felt really alone and would get drunk and cry.

I realized that vulnerability helps others to open up and it’s powerful.

More divine appointments. 

I was on the bus and the Lord told me to talk to someone. However there was a kid next to the man. I asked the father if I could switch seats with the son and he said “no” 2 times. God suddenly made a way by having the girl in front of me move to her right so I asked to sit next to her. Well, we ended up talking a lot.

Suddenly the mother and son switched seats and I google translated “God told me to sit here, can I switch seats with you?” and she said okay. The guy I ended up sitting next to had been Christian for one year and had been traveling for a year but did not talk to his parents for 3 months at beginning of his trip since his parents disapproved of it. The Lord said to me “ask him to go home”. I told him but he said he didn’t want to. I shared with him my testimony and story.

I need your HELP to continue reaching lost sheep. Would you consider sowing into the ministry of breaking off fear and bringing people into community, into God’s grace and love? Thank you for your prayers and support.

I am also looking for monthly supporters, right now I don’t have any!

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Overcoming Rejection and No Longer Walking On Eggshells

97778308_10163614691715603_5882939738964361216_nDoes it feel like you are walking on eggshells when you’re around your parents? 

I woke up hearing “you are enough, you are beautiful, you are healthy”.

God told me “people will turn to comfort when they’ve been rejected by their parents”. A spirit of rejection causes people to turn to even the faintest idea of comfort, even if they know it is unhealthy. 

Even if you know that a person is unhealthy for you, even if you know that drugs, addictions, porn, etc is unhealthy you’ll still go to it because you feel rejected by your parents or there is a feeling of “walking on eggshells”. 

I don’t feel safe is what you feel and say to yourself. 

God has been putting me through a process of healing. I realize that I have a hard time just going to bed if I feel like I am not being vulnerable with my mother when she is at home. Once I’m in bed I knock out though.

There is no fear in love. 

Are you afraid to be yourself around your parents?

That seeps into your other friendships and relationships.

If you were a caretaker to your parents, you find familiarity in trying to help people in your friendships and relationships.

I found comfort in being the caretaker because I also took care of my mom’s emotions growing up. When someone actually wants to take care of me or be emotionally supportive I felt that they probably wanted to control me or tell me what to do (since my mom was controlling). 

When I had a car I was driving everyone around, when I got rid of my car very people actually helped me.

God really used ministry to help me turn the table around. He said “you are worthy to be helped and supported”, but it came with a lot of persecution. Now people were mad that I was the one that needed help. They couldn’t get with the idea that I was not all sufficient as a human being, that I actually needed their help this time. 

But for some reason when I was always helping them, giving them emotional support, spiritual guidance and not asking for anything in return- they were okay with that model. But once I started asking for donations they fled. 

Because people don’t want to reciprocate. They don’t want to show up. Not everyone of course, but that’s what I saw. If it meant they had to participate they bailed. Because it dealt with their sense of inadequacy and the stronghold of lack.

Most people I minister to are running away from their parents, because they feel rejected by them. When a parent rejects their kid and doesn’t want to talk to them, the kid feels a sense of being unloved. 

When a kid feels unloved he or she will go to drugs, food, shopping, other people etc to feel accepted.

And the truth is sometimes parents aren’t the best people to give us the love we need or crave. But if you feel unsafe, you will go find solace in things that feel safe in the moment but maybe have no longevity.

I experienced financial, physical and emotional lack growing up. My mom was often at work and I was left home alone at a young age. I also started working when I was 8, and lacked emotional support. My mom never asked me how I was doing emotionally.

It makes sense that God called me to pastor lost sheep.

But in doing so I also come in contact with people who have the same issues- feeling rejected, easily triggered, feelings of being attacked emotionally, etc.

When I was younger I was a people pleaser because it was easier to please people and be accepted than to tell the truth and be rejected for my truth. But then God started to tell me to tell people the truth or to do things contrary to peoples’ expectations. The rejection hurt but now I realize that people didn’t really love me for who I am in the past, they loved me for who they wanted me to be.

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Skatepark in Venice Beach – a place where many young people escape to for safety. I met a 22 year old mom that was getting yelled at by her husband. I told her that I saw her as an actress as I was a prophet. She was happy to hear that. Sometimes when we’ve been abused by our parents we find partners that are also abusive. The road to healing and wholeness is to identify what we lacked growing up and identify what we actually need from a partner.

Would you consider contributing to this ministry? Your contribution makes a difference in the lives of people who are rejected by their parents and are seeking solace. Help me bring Jesus to people. Thank you!

Sow a seed to this ministry-

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Some people I met at the drum circle in Venice Beach

 

 

 

Hollywood – End of The Year Fundraiser

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Hey folks,

Happy Holidays! 

We are getting to the end of the year and as you know 2020 IS GOING TO BE SPECTACULAR. I need your help to fund upcoming projects and outreaches on a daily basis. As you know my phone got stolen and I am in need of a new phone too.

Your CONTRIBUTION is KEY to continue ministering to those who are rejected, outcasted. God has given me a new territory in LA (HOLLYWOOD), to reach the LGBT, homeless, creatives and people (trans, youth, etc) who have been rejected by society, their parents or are heavily wounded. 4 years ago I was going to move to Hollywood but God told me to move back home, it’s been a long journey folks.

Thank you all for your continual support. I’m also looking for people who are willing to become monthly supporters! Click here! 

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Why Become A Monthly Partner?

Rebekka Lien reaches those who may never step into a church building, instead I am a pastor, prophet and evangelist who reaches people on the streets wherever they are.

Would you be part of the new wine skin of what God is doing on this earth right now? Your support is what makes outreach to the lost sheep possible. I listen to the voice of God and follow the Spirit as He has led me to pray, prophesy and minister to thousands of people all over the world. The beginning was not easy. Read more about how I left everything to follow Jesus. 

Testimonies-

Testimony in New Zealand- Heavy Metal Musician 

“I’m not religious but I’m always tolerant of people who mean well and I could obviously feel Rebekkas warm intent. When she prayed for me however it was not like any other prayer she read deep with in my travel buddy, Shayne and claimed to see her drawing pretty flowers and calligraphy. my mouth dropped because I knew how fantastic of an artist Shayne was/is. As if I wasn’t already blown away already, it was then my turn.”

Testimony in Taiwan – Setting A Woman Free of The Shame of Abuse By Father

Testimony in Pune, India

My testimony

THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE AND SUPPORT! I am praying for you to prosper and be blessed this coming year. I pray you’d know you’re a child of God and you are completely loved by Him! 

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I took this in 2015, WE COMING BACK FULL FORCE! 

 

Prophetic Word – Break Off The Fear Of Lack

God spoke such a convicting word to me today.

He said –

“People pray for things but it’s because if they get it they won’t need me and it will add to their worth, which they think is lacking right now“.

And that’s a lie because Jesus’ sacrifice made you whole on the cross. So when God sees you He only sees Jesus, whole and unblemished.

Our prayers should be “the lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing”. That’s what I kept decreeing when I was on an island in Vietnam and didn’t know I was going to survive or even get off the island. I had less than $20 left. I was crying and really afraid. But I said God you said you are my shepherd and I lack nothing. That’s my reality.

When I was eating outside a man came by and later came back. I didn’t tell him my situation exactly but I told him I was being led by the spirit and doing it by faith. He turned out to be a believer and said he wanted to give. He was actually not wanting to withdraw money again because of atm fees, but God was really testing his trust in Him. He had a fear of lack and God sent me to show Him trust.

Our prayers shouldn’t be “God give us more money. It should be God I lack nothing, continue being my provider”.

I have a strong anointing to break off the “identity of lack” because I lacked all things in the natural. I followed the Holy Spirit to pastor lost sheep and didn’t even have enough money to pay for a hostel. God led me to where I needed to go as He told me to ask specific people on the road for help.

One guy at Macdonald’s made me feel ashamed for asking for help and I started crying.

God I am so ashamed.

I was so intimidated.

He said to me- “Do you know you are priestly royalty? And you are asking for his sake, not yours? Because he has a heart of stone and is not willing to bend? His heart has been closed for a long time and by asking you are (Jesus) knocking at his heart. Will you open and let me in? – I am saying to him”.

My job is hard as a prophet, I felt less than because of how the man responded. But God showed me again and again, you are my child. You’re my prophet. Don’t look at your circumstances, you are breaking hard spiritual ground. It was in a city in New Zealand where the youth I met at Macdonald’s told me it was highly racist and a stingy city. They were very judgemental there and didn’t like foreigners, yet it was a very religious city too.

The religious spirit was evident there as the man who intimidated me was a Lutheran. He looked down on me and asked if I always ask people for money. He was well dressed, but his wife wanted to help. She looked at him for approval and permission.

She was under control too. She was not free.

He kept saying no but finally she went to the car to look for change and when she came back and saw me crying, she said she would get more but never came back.

His controlling spirit changed her mind.

But remember God was specific about who to ask, because He knew what was going on inside of them. Remember this does not apply to everyone.

That’s why when God tells me to ask strangers it’s usually an indication of where they are spiritually. One time He told me to ask a group of Buddhists in India and they all started laughing at me. Why does an american need an Indian’s donation?

God said don’t leave until they give.

The only one that was open to Jesus gave me $1.

How willing are you to give into the spirit of fear and intimidation and give up on peoples’ hearts. God is building a I won’t leave until this thing breaks spirit.

God did not tell me to start asking people for donations until I was really ready to, because it takes a lot of supernatural courage to do it.

But the places where there is the most poverty is where God actually uses giving as a way to break off the spiritual stronghold of lack in that city or country.

Those who think they are lacking need to give to break off the spirit of lack.

One time I asked a homeless man for a donation, I placed a penny next to him. He said I have nothing to give. I said here’s a penny. I said you look at yourself and think you have nothing to give to the world but you are not lacking anything because of Jesus‘ sacrifice. Then God told me to give to him.

Sometimes I’ll ask someone for a donation and they will say I have nothing to give. Then I’ll say do you have $1? Then you have something and you are not lacking.

I was on an Uber ride and prayed and prophesied over a man. He said his dad died 10 years ago. He was grateful that God answered His prayers of sending someone to minister to him. God said to ask him for a donation and he said I don’t have any cash.

All of a sudden he said here. It was $10. Representing the prophetic word- he will restore the years the locust has taken away from you- the 10 years since his father died.

People think –

If only I get a perfect body, I’ll be whole. If I get my husband or wife, I’ll be happy. If I get a new place, I’ll be whole. If I get more money I won’t need to rely on God and I won’t feel like I’m lacking. If I just walk into my promises, I’ll know God loves me.

But all of that is actually a spirit of lack lying to you. It causes you to look at your circumstances (condition of your body, possessions, bank account, relationships, self) versus your identity as a child of God, reigning over this earth and having dominion over all things.

You are enough and you are not lacking. You don’t have to become more anything. You can rest in God’s perfect grace for you.

A sheep trust her shepherd (Jesus) to feed her and lead her, someone who relies on money has no shepherd or father.

I’m reminded when I was on the road and needed food or needed to know where he was leading me to sleep he always told me where and how. He often did not tell me where I was supposed to go until the day of because I wasn’t reliant on the plans but on God Himself. Was it scary? Yes. I had to pray against fear everyday. I also didn’t have someone next to me to talk to everyday but God always led me to other brothers and sisters as well and He gave me times of rest.

So it wasn’t MONEY I needed but his VOICE.

That’s why it says A psalm of David.

The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing. He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake. Even though I walk through the darkest valley,I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows. Surely your goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the LORD forever.

God does not want us to be self reliant or be in control. He wants us to be a sheep that trusts Him completely to protect us.

When we look at our shortcoming, we always feel lacking but when we look to Christ who is perfect and became our sin- we know we are actually whole because of His sacrifice!

Break off the fear of lack and reliance on mammon by sowing a seed of trust to God –

Ask the Lord if it’s time to give– when you know you’ve been relying on money or your job more than God, when you give- you realize no I am enough, I’m not lacking.

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Choose God’s Path

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A word on my spirit. Someone out there is choosing the easier and more comfortable route but God is asking you to step out in faith. It’s not an easy word to deliver because no one likes to be uncomfortable but God’s intention is to grow you.

Feel free to message me on Facebook if you have questions or want to tell me your story.

Give and partner with me to bring the grace of God to people around the world and to continue creating these videos!

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Testimony From Taiwanese Divine Appointment- Setting Captives Free From Shame

One night in Shuangxi God told me to go to Taipei the next day (last year when I set out to follow Jesus and begin ministry). He said to check couchsurfing. It was midnight. I was surprised the girl accepted my request right away. I packed my bags and went to stay with her the next day.

We shared testimonies and I got to pray for her. That day I started getting oppressed in my mind. I felt so tired and wanted to quit ministering to people. I felt like it was too hard. That day I was so extremely exhausted I slept at 9pm (at the time the girl started knocking on my door).

The next day I was going to leave early (as I was so mentally exhausted and had a dream there were these idols and spirits trying to get near my bed) when she knocked on my door again and told me about how her dad had abused her as a child. She told me that in 30 ish years she has never told anyone.

I prayed and sang over her, it was a really intense healing session. She started crying and I felt God’s love so intensely for her.

I now realize the devil was trying everything to stop me from hearing her story and praying over her. I still remember prophesying “God is a good father, He is a good Father, He will never leave nor forsake you”- words that anyone who had a horrible father would need to hear.

Since then as I prophesied she has quit her job and traveled overseas to follow her dreams and the path God has for her. She has become a prized friend who I pray with often. I believe she is a pioneer who will deliver many women from shame as she discovers her identity in Christ Jesus.

Here is the testimony she shared with me. Is one sheep worth it? Yes. I pastor those who no one will reach, I pastor lost sheep. God has sent me all over the world to reach those who institutions will never reach.

I might not have grown up with a dad but I grew up with Father God and when you grow up with Father God you have an anointing to break off the spirit of shame and rejection. My dad said “she’s not mine” to my mother when I was born. But I am daddy God’s.

I am beloved by the Father. And no matter who abused you- daddy God loves you and knew you before you were born!

Her testimony –

How I met Rebekka

 

My name is Kelly J. Yeh. I met Rebekka in summer 2018. I was her Couchsurfing host and I hosted her in Taipei for 3 days. Before I met her, I took a trip to Sydney, Australia to visit my friend and roomate whom I met in university in the church. I was deeply touched by my friend’s hospitality so I decided to host some people.

I used Couchsurfing when I was traveling in Europe so I thought it’s time to give back to the community. God gave me a room that I could host for about 2-3 weeks so I got the chance to host her. It was really amazing that God arranged us to meet. God told me in that evening to check out what’s happening on the Couchsurfing app, so after work I decided to lay on bed and just browse through. Then she sent me the request. I read that she was born in Germany, so I decided to host her. And I didn’t think too much.  

 

Before I met Rebekka – about my personal background

 

I was born in a Christian family. My father and mother were introduced by a couple in the church and they got baptized before they got married. My father used to be very abusive toward my family and I. He passed away in 2009 because of liver problems. He used to hurt my family verbally and physically and most of my childhood I was in fear. I’m a person who values justice, so I always fought back verbally. But he never listened. I remember one day back when I was 8, my father hit me without any reason.

I had to PEE and CRY to had him stop hitting me. When I was 18 and after the university entrance exam, I sat in the living room using the computer and was just relaxing and reading. And then he started to yell at me and complained me about using the computer because it was “such a waste of electricity”. I really hated God for giving me a dad like this because all the sisters in the church I know have good parents and are rich. I didn’t understand why I had to suffer all this. I also got bullied during middle school and high school (I went to the top ones in Taipei) because of not cheating in tests with nearly everybody else in class.

 

Overall, my childhood was kind of miserable. You can say that. But I did all my best to try to make myself happy and not have depression. For example, reading novels, listening to music, going to the gym, etc. Until I met Rebekka and until she prayed for me.  

 

Testimony 

 

So when I hosted her, before we met, she texted me that she’s very happy to walk around the campus of the university I worked at. It seemed to be where her father use to work. She also told me she was amazed by the architecture inside the library.  

 

When we met, we told each other about ourselves. She was happy to know that I’m Christian and she told me that God told her to come to Taipei for a visit. I asked her why she came to Taiwan, and she said she wanted to meet her dad, and she is staying in the countryside of Taipei County – Shuangxi. She told me God wanted her to come to Taiwan so she booked the ticket and her mom was angry and didn’t talk to her for a while.   

 

When I went back to my room, God actually told me that I should host her and I should really value and honor this person.I was kind of surprised to hear this as God seldom spoke so clear and loud to me.  

 

The second night I hosted her, I attended the counseling session that my sister organized for my family nearby Taipei Main Station. I was really upset after attending it because my mom still wouldn’t listen to my painful experiences of growing up. I felt so BOUNDED and RESTRICTED in a sense. I went back to my place and knocked her door and I wanted to pray with her. She didn’t answer.

The day after that day we met each other in the morning, and I asked her to pray with me and I told her about my story that I described in the first session of this article and what I experienced last night. She told me that she had experienced strong spiritual warfare last night when she slept. I told her I felt so sorry about that because it was partly because of me that she experienced this, and she said it’s ok as she experienced this quite often.       

 

She hold my hands and we prayed together. After that I felt so much better. I felt that I’m not afraid of things anymore. I felt that I have the courage and I can be happy again, without making the effort every day to make myself happy. It’s actually a tiring process to repeat, to find things to satisfy your soul and spirit.

 

I have also been praying for a breakthrough for almost 3 years. God has listened to my prayers. And I have been praying for the healing for my period problem for 15 years. Now I’m still waiting for God to heal me.

 

I was also a wounded and lost sheep in a sense. I got hurt by the church because a lot of people in my church value money and appearance. My family is not the richest and due to my childhood experience, my period has never been normal again (I’m literally waiting for God to heal me now as I write ) and I have gained some weight though I don’t eat a lot. Literally only one sister whom I met at work wanted to introduce a brother to me. No one in my church value my appearance in the church. They value more the newcomers. I have attended the church for more than 10 years in faith but I really was just tired of it.       

 

After we prayed together, she told me that she felt that she knows why God sent her to Taiwan, and she felt that her work is done here. I asked her about she’s going next, and she said Korea.

 

We have been keeping in touch and encouraging each other since then, as in 2 month I also embarked on my journey of following Jesus in Europe, starting in London as God spoke to me about going to London.

 

 

About what I’m doing now

 

I decided to quit my job and take the trip and follow Jesus in September, 2018. It took me 2 months to decide to do it as it’s a big decision. I’ve been traveling since 16th. October 2018. I’ve also battled with a lot of kinds of evil spirits, all kinds of attacks like toothache that almost made me book a ticket back to Taiwan, a “healer“ that claimed to be able to heal my period problem but turned out to just wanted to date me and didn’t have good intention. Rebekka told me she saw an evil spirit and advised me to left his place. He had two roommates.  

 

I remember during my trip in London, I was really hesitant about going to Germany as the flights are expensive and I had bad memories about Germany. I had a bike accident there and my colleague from China prosecuted me and spoke to my thesis advisor and accused me in everything and had me to quit my job.

It was a great spiritual warfare and I really had trauma. Rebekka told me that God wanted her to tell me about going to Germany because I wouldn’t listen. She donated me USD 25 and thus I had the courage to book the ticket to Germany because of this. Later I gave her back this money because I wanted to her to buy something to celebrate her birthday. God provided me more than that amount, as my friend whom I helped and gave lots of advice with finally moved into an apartment and found a job working in a hostel rather than staying continuously in hostels and was constantly looking for a job.     

 

Where I’m currently at and where I plan to go

 

I’m writing from Tel Aviv, Israel. The Holy Land. I’m almost done with my 8-month Europe trip and I’m taking a rest here. There is really good energy and good vibes here! You should definitely consider visiting here. You won’t regret it. God provided me a host for about one week and where I can have some rest and finally don’t have to be stressed out about finance about housing. I will move to the hostel later in a few days as I feel God has arranged some people He wants me to meet.

 

Today God spoke me about going to Brisbane, Australia. I will also go back to Taiwan for a short while.  This is great faith, but I decide that I want to take a leap in faith to see what God has arranged me there.

 

My dream is to have a happy family and to experience once in my life what a happy and loving family is like. Also to help people. I hope to open a cafe or a hostel to help people. It’s a really big decision for me as I have a masters degree, have taught in university, have won the best paper award in Taiwan, etc. But I want to see what God can do. I really want to see that. And experience that.

 

I hope my testimony helps you. May God bless you! I hope to write about the divine encounters in my spirit-led trip later when I have some more time.

 

Yours truly,

Kelly J. Yeh

 

Has this testimony touched your heart? Consider making a contribution to help me reach more people for Jesus and to set people free from a lifetime of shame and bondage- thank you for partnering with me!

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When Serving Becomes Our Identity, Instead Simply Being a Child Of God

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I feel we are in a season of coming back to Jesus to get our self-worth, versus basing it on how we serve Him.

I just had a dream for my brother in Christ and I told him that he needed to slow down and spend time with Jesus and he said that I was right as he has traveled the last 2 months ministering to people, healing the sick, etc but that he was worn down and tired.

Sometimes in ministry we start to believe a few lies that I want to dismantle today-

Lie 1- Your identity comes from how many people you help.

Truth- Your identity comes from being a child of God, who God so loved that He sent His only child (Jesus) to be sacrificed for you.

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! The reason the world does not know us is that it did not know him. 1 John 3:1-2 

Lie 2- God will only bless you if you obey.

Truth – Jesus paid the price on the cross for your blessings. His work was perfect obedience to the Father and even if you don’t perfectly obey, He does not punish you for it. I want to reiterate that He wants us to live in freedom, not paranoia. Our hearts should only “do things” out of DESIRE, not duty. 

Obedience comes from the overflow of the knowledge that He loves you, not because IF YOU DON’T OBEY that He will take away what He wants to bless you with.

That is living under the law. When we live under the law of condemnation and punishment, working for our blessings, we will not receive it- why? Because it will always be conditioned on how much we serve and do, versus from the perfect knowledge that we are loved by God no matter what.

This reminds of the prodigal son story. The older brother worked in bitterness thinking he had to earn his father’s blessings versus the prodigal son who experienced God’s blessings by doing what he wanted to – then realizing that his ways were not working and ended up running back to his father. 

God wants to have a genuine relationship with you, not one that is forced or led by duty and obligation.

But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:19

When Jesus said it is finished, it is finished.

Lie 3- You need to sacrifice yourself when you are a Christian

Truth- God wants you to know that you are worthy, you are worthy of love and a good life. 

People who constantly sacrifice themselves for others believe that they are not worthy unless they are bringing something to the table. I’ve met people who say they do a lot for others because they want to show others that they are worthy….but people shouldn’t love or bless you because of what you do for them but who you are.

You don’t owe anything to anyone. You paid by being born. 

You don’t tell a baby that “one day you will pay by buying me a house” (Asian parents). You are a gift from heaven and you are a delight.

You are worthy of love just because you exist. 

God has grand purposes and destinies for you but He wants you to live out of a deep place of intimate love with Him. He wants you to know you are loved beyond comprehension first and foremost. If we serve or help others out of any other agenda (such as to prove that we are worthy to receive His blessings), then we are not living out of true grace. 

I’m not sure at what point I started to believe that I just needed to do more on this journey, but towards the end I was starting to wane in my passion. I was not being fed in my heart. I realize that I need a lot of alone time and I wasn’t getting it. When you are constantly serving others their voices start to muffle your own thoughts and desires. I’m grateful for the revelations God has been giving me in these few days. 

I pray today God would break off the slavery mentality and orphan mentality that ties you to “obligation”. You need to know that He loves you to the moon and back.

And HIS PROMISES FOR YOU ARE YES AND AMEN! AND YOU DON’T HAVE TO SACRIFICE YOURSELF TO HAVE WHAT YOU WANT AS HE ALREADY BECAME THE PERFECT SACRIFICE ON YOUR BEHALF.

May you live completely from a place of knowing you are LOVED by God, and that your life will be driven by LOVE not FEAR. His love for you is not dependent on what you do for Him, His love for you is complete and finished. He does not look at your “disobedience” as He does not see blemish in you- He only sees Jesus in you (who obeyed perfectly onto the cross). 

I pray for the ministers and servants out there that you will not be confused by the enemy who tries to tell you that your worth comes from how much you help or don’t help others. That is a form of condemnation and accusation! I break off the spirit of python that tries to choke the life out of your heart and dreams in Jesus name! I break off false responsibility in Jesus name!

Our lives should never be driven by “I SHOULD”- your life should be driven by “I WANT”.

Sow-

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You don’t have to suppress your desires anymore

I had a dream I was at my fashion design graduation and I had no idea what to design but an idea came for wearable art and before I knew it I was packing up my box. I also saw free champagne and cake. I asked for a glass but they couldn’t find one. Finally I found a hologram Colored one and poured a bunch of lime green colored champagne into my glass. I was surprised that I wanted to drink so much since I hadn’t drank in ages. The glass suddenly cracked and broke.

The Lord spoke to me when I woke up. He said that most people drown out their desires by watching television or drinking, or shopping, eating, sex, etc.

It’s instant gratification.

When we’ve been in seasons of waiting or prolonged delay, we feel that it’s God’s heart to deprive us of things. We start believing we need to suffer to earn God’s blessings.

And when we do receive it we don’t believe we deserve it or that God will take it away.

I went through years of being stripped away of everything. Because those things were places of slavery. I was a slave to what my friends thought of me, what my mom thought of me. I was a slave to my rent and my car bills. I was a slave to societal standards.

When Jesus said “sell everything and follow me” He didn’t mean that He would never bless me and that He wanted me to live like a beggar. He simply meant “if you give everything up, I shall give you true power. You will no longer be a slave to society and you will no longer define yourself by what you have”. However because I will no longer be a slave to the blessings, God will pour out His blessings because He knows as freely as I received as freely I will give.

So all of it is a season of testing.

The more you are able to release, the more He will bless you. I know it sounds crazy but it’s true. He won’t give you above what you can handle.

He wants us to live without fear and following Jesus has helped me to overcome fears I didn’t think I have.

Things God freed me from:

A fear of men and what they think of me- approaching strangers to pray for them. I experience tons of negative reactions. But the more I’m rejected the more I seek refuge in being a daughter of God.

A fear of lack- sometimes not knowing how I’ll eat or pay for accommodation but trusting God and following His instructions to get the provisions I need instead of figuring it out on my own.

A fear of death- knowing that God has my back and His angels are watching over me.

God said to me “you deserve to have what you want, you deserve to be happy”.

“But Lord I suffered so much loss, how can I have what I want?”

“What is it you want?”

“A family. A sense of connectedness with friends and family. Restoration of my family. I want to come out from under the weight of pain and live freely from the past. I don’t just want to help other fulfill their dreams, I want to see my own fulfilled. I want to write tv shows, direct films, design clothes, write books, speak to people on stages, I want to help others through my own dreams.

I want to have the energy to dance again, to run again. I want to experience vitality in my body. It’s been such a long and hard process. I’ve helped thousands of people but I want it for myself too. I want my own family.”

What are your desires? God wants to fulfill them.

You May have been a long and difficult wilderness of delayed desires but God wants to give you what you want. You might be asking why you had to go through all of that but He is saying “now you can contain it- what true power looks like”.

You can not contain God’s power without being a vessel emptied of fear, shame, self hate, condemnation and guilt.

You were a slave; now you are free.

Only a free man/woman can love without manipulating the family God brings to him/her.

Only a free man/woman can have riches and not be a slave to it.

Only a person who knows they are children of God can have worldly success and not allow the fame and worldly power get to his/her head.

Only a person who has gone through the fire can he/she resist the temptations that the next level presents to him/her.

God built you in the fire because otherwise you’d be knocked down by the devil right when God brings your husband, the money, or the family.

God knows the devil will try to destroy your reputation when the fame comes. He knows you couldn’t withstand the accusations back then, but now you know who you are in Christ Jesus. He knew you were ashamed to be called Christian back then, but now you only preach Jesus crucified and resurrected.

The devil could have wiped you out with one accusation from your family, you would’ve been talking about it for one month, maybe a year.

But now you know who you are in Christ Jesus. You know not to get caught up in the devil’s trap. You won’t allow your mouth to speak negatively.

Back then, the devil brought good looking men/women to you and it was easy to sidetrack you. You were easily seduced by flattery and a sign of wealth but now you know a wolf from a true sheep and follower of Jesus.

I’ve met enough wolves to know what a true man of God looks like now!

One look, one sentence, I can tell what a man’s heart is after!

A man after God’s heart may not have luxury cars but they have a heart that will follow God at all costs.

Back then you were so broken you spent your whole paycheck on binge drinking. Now you’ve learned to sow into God’s kingdom and to treat yourself well without needing to hurt your body.

Now you know you are worthy because Jesus paid the price for the blessings so I decree and declare –

You will have what you want! Because your number one delight will always be Jesus Christ!

You will never leave your first love even if the blessings come!

So I prophesy all the things you want rain down! The family, the friends, the finances, success in your business, etc.

This time you will not leave Jesus out.

“Seek ye first the kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be added unto you”.

I gave everything up to follow Jesus and in return, He has brought incredible kingdom minded friends. People sowed and continue to sow into this kingdom work of bringing Jesus to the nations. Even though it has been really difficult at times, I know in my weakness His strength is made perfect.

These times strengthen my faith.

God is a good Father and even when we don’t understand it, His desire is to bring us to a wholeness that can contain what He desires for us.

A broken vessel allows the fragrance of Jesus to seep through to others.

You need to be broken to have a genuine love for people. I love homeless people on another level because I understand how it feels to go without. I love the hurting because I know how it feels to hurt. I love the wounded because I’ve been wounded.

God is calling us out of the past and into the new season.

Will you grab His hand and walk forward? The new door is open for you! Don’t look back anymore!

The fire and wilderness trained you to see the real from the fake. I’ve battled spirits of witchcraft, accusation and intimidation. I can spot a guilt trip from a mile away. I can sense danger and an angry spirit. I know when to engage and when to walk away.

I know when someone’s ready for help or when they are sent by the devil to distract me!! I know what false responsibility feels and looks like!

I know how much to help someone and when I need to set boundaries. I’ve trained my whole life! Ever since I was born into a broken home, ever since I saw divorce in my family, a mother who became unforgiving and bitter, I know what holding onto a grudge results in!

I know I used to carry false responsibilities thinking they were mine to carry! I know my worth now!

I know what the religious spirit and obligation looks like! I know what guilt feels like! I know the difference between “should” and “want”! God wants us to live in want! Not should’s!

I’ve been set free from the bondage of religion and into true sonship with Jesus, an intimate relationship not based on works but grace!

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Police Man

“Go to Macdonald’s” – said God.

“Another junk food place?”

“Trust me”

The Lord told me to ask someone to buy me a cone. There was two men. One an Indian guy and another from South Africa. He said, “we will come back so you wait”.

They went into Macdonald’s but forgot about me.

Meanwhile I saw a young boy and he kept looking at me. The Lord impressed on my heart to pray for him. I said, “can I pray for you?” He said “yes!” I said that God gave me a vision of him drawing.

He said “I draw!” and he showed me his notebook. He said he likes to draw angels.

His parents asked what we were doing but did not seem to want him talking to me.

I understand. I’m a stranger.

I’m scared but God still impresses upon my heart to go get my ice cream cone. Remember at this point I have $8 in my pocket. I had gotten off a bus and found a hostel that cost $35. I gave the owner $30 and promised another $5 the next day.

I go into Macdonald’s and I find the two men. I said “I think you forgot about me”. The South African puts the gold coin on the table and I say “thank you. God said to pray for you”.

He is a Christian. As I’m praying for him I hear the Lord say “I have not forgotten you. I know you’ve been through a lot of pain but the promises are coming”. I feel my heart breaking and I stare into his eyes.

His eyes are unresponsive, vague, unfeeling, emotionless, I hug him and tell him how much God loves him.

His Indian friend has his hands folded, he is praying with me even though he is not Christian. But he is watching the whole thing. I ask him if I can pray for him but he says “no I already prayed with you”.

Seconds later, God tells me to pray for another boy and I ask but he walks away, seeming turned off.

Then I hear a boy cry in the playground. Someone has fallen off the slide. The Lord says “pray for him” and I walk over “hi, I’m a missionary and I’d like to pray for him”.

So the mom says okay. At first I thought none of them were Christian because one mom looked bewildered. However after the whole fiasco she told me she was actually Christian and so was her friend, she was just really shocked to see someone being that bold.

She told me how in New Zealand, it’s very comfortable and Christians rarely take risks so she was shocked to see someone so bold. She said she wouldn’t have thought of doing that as the boy’s mom wasn’t Christian.

As I’m sharing my story of following the Holy Spirit with them a guy approaches me.

He says “excuse me but I need to speak with you”.

I thought it was one of the boy’s dad but he said he was a police man and the boy that seemed turned off by my asking to pray for him actually called the police to tell him that I had “offered to pay for sex”.

I don’t know what kind of childhood this boy had but this was nothing I’ve ever experienced.

I wanted to cry.

What kind of spiritual warfare was this, but right away the two Christian women told the police man that I was a good person and would never say that.

I saw this man write down what he said and what I said. I had said “pray for you” not “pay for sex”.

He got my info but that was it.

I felt falsely accused. But God had my back.

Later on I felt the Lord ask one of the woman to sow financially and she said “I was just thinking about how to help you!!”

I got to encourage them and they said they were really convicted by my life.

This was one of the more traumatic and intense days I’ve had. Nothing like this has ever happened. But God protected me.

When I got off the bus to Kerikeri I saw this skatepark that looked exactly like the one in my dream. I also remembered that the macdonalds playground was in one of my dreams.

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Walking By Faith, Not Sight

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Writing from Nelson, New Zealand

Another day of following the Holy Spirit with my bag and suitcase.

Not comfortable. Last night I woke up in the middle of the night and just went to pray, I couldn’t stop crying. I didn’t have enough for a hostel the next day and today the Lord said “It’s time to move on”. I prayed for a few people and told my testimony to an English guy.

Dying to myself is so hard.

I want to be comfortable, I want to have the security of finances, but I have to trust God alone. 

R represents me, G is God.

R- I’m scared that you will leave or abandon me. I can just imagine the worse case scenario, me lying on the street.

G- Trust me. I am leading you to the lost sheep. My ways are not your ways. I know you want to know how it’s going to happen, but my ways are not your ways.

R- Why me?

G- Because you are willing.

R- But it’s difficult.

G- In your weakness my strength is made perfect.

“Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me. 10 Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.” – 2 Corinthians 12:8-10

R- I tried everything didn’t I? I tried to fundraise, I tried couchsurfing. But your ways are not mine, so though my heart is unwilling, I submit to your ways.

G- Flow with my Spirit. I know that you want to run away, like Jonah. But you’re choosing to stay. Remember when you watched “Married At First Sight”? You have a choice to STAY OR LEAVE…yet every time you’re choosing to STAY. You’re choosing the safe path of following me. Though everyone else may think this is the unsafe and unsecure path, you are choosing the only path that matters, the path of life, the path of the Kingdom, my path.

This all makes sense now. Before I left Los Angeles to follow Jesus in search of lost sheep, to share Jesus with people….I kept having dreams about getting married.

I had dreams that I was wearing a wedding dress and getting ready on an airplane.

This was saying “Yes” the the Ring, the dress, the commitment to God. This was believing that God had the best intention for me, that His heart is love for me.

That as a husband, God will never leave nor forsake me.

So I’m not alone, though I may feel that everyone else has abandoned me. 

I am so thankful for the people that continue to pray and support me on this journey, but nothing compares to the presence of God. People are not constantly next to me to root me on. People are not there 24 hours to pray with me. Sometimes I feel like I really can’t go on anymore, I feel petrified. I have a few dollars, I don’t know what will happen but I’m choosing intimacy with God.

The Lord has just drawn me to a place of closer intimacy with His heart. 

G- I will do and go anywhere for one person, will you do that? Will you pour out your life for the sake of one?

R- yes I do and will.

G- You are my faithful warrior. Don’t give up, be brave and bold for I am with you. 

Yesterday I prophesied over a Thai man, I saw him doing graphic design. He was shocked. He asked me how I knew as he just returned from Wellington (where he was doing graphic design)- I said Jesus showed me.

G- You’re bringing them closer to me. The revelation of who I am, love.

R- What about me Lord?

G- I will never leave nor forsake you. Be brave and move forward. Walk in my spirit. Walk forward even when you don’t know what will happen.

R- I will hold your hand even when my heart is fearful. I will hold your hand into the dark, as you are my light.

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