Singapore

As I was trying for explain to someone that no one in their right mind would someone go to a foreign country with $20 in their pocket, you would either think this girl has stupid faith or pure faith.

Why would anyone in their right mind try to survive in a foreign country and continue to go forward to different countries to minister to those God has led me to?

I didn’t take photos of many places I went to because I didn’t even have a working phone.

It’s either I’m delusional or I’m obeying God. Why would I sit at in a hostel bed with 6 other people and pray with a previous Muslim believer so she could hear jesus’ voice? Telling her it’s going to be okay.

Why would I endure not knowing where I’m going next, where I’m staying tomorrow, not knowing where the finances would come from?

No one in their right mind would do this if it wasn’t for pure faith in Jesus.

Why would I stay at hostels where the music is blasting loud outside or be in a hostel room where it’s hot as hell in a country where WiFi is not freely available and there are no toilet seats?

Why would I go stay in the suburbs of South Africa to reach one individual who had walked away from God? People ask me, why did you stay in centurion? I stayed there because God told me to, and it wasn’t just for him, I prayed for people all over the strip malls. I prophesied over homeless people, Chinese restaurant owners, janitors, I’ve prayed for and ministered to thousands of people.

And to be honest, it paid really shit salary. It was like enough to pay for food and accommodation. So if I was doing it for the money, no one in their right mind would do it.

I did it because God spoke and God kept speaking and when God speaks, I listen and I reach those He tells me to reach.

Because no one else will. Or most don’t seem to care. I’m not perfect, I’m just willing.

It was hard and grueling, self sacrifice, hot, I walked everywhere and took local buses that everyone warned me not to take. Even the locals in South Africa said I was insane. They said car accidents happen often with those local buses.

But I got to minister to those on the bus.

The list goes on.

I just be insane or I have faith in a God who is leading me.

Why would I endure 5 months without a working phone while I pray for strangers without getting any pay and just enough provision to eat and sleep?

It was a horrible paying job if you think about it, being a pastor to the lost sheep. Yet God provided! God always made a way.

Of course God has been improving my living conditions lately and I’m grateful for it. I never thought I could stay in a real hotel since I was literally slumming it in hostels for months.

I must either be really insane and delusional or I’m following the voice of God.

Take your pick. I don’t actually care what anyone thinks because my own mother didn’t talk to me for days when I told her I was going overseas.

Am I insane or I believe in God who makes all things possible?

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Australia and South Africa

Even thinking about all the hard times I had to endure, suitcase in tow, not having enough money to sleep somewhere and then God making a way….I cry just thinking about it.

And to think that people still doubt my motives.

Jesus says “do you love me?”

Yes lord.

Then feed my sheep.

I feed His sheep because I love Him intensely as He loves me intensely. It’s been painful, it was not a vacation. It was hard af. But freely He loves me, freely I love His sheep.

Today #god told me I’m going to stay with someone…He said go to #northshore so I took 2 hours to get there, in town God told me to get off the bus; I went to pee and then went back to the bus stop. I told a guy I was a missionary, then some other guy overheard, said I could stay with him, but he was drinking from his bag…I just kept hearing God say “go with him”. I’m like God I don’t really want to but I trust you. When I got on the bus a girl and her dad came on to sit near me and the guy that was drinking. The girl started talking to me and her dad and I started talking about God and being led by the spirit. Anyways I felt God said to stay with them and I got off the bus with them. Here I am.

Later she told me she was at church at the park and she suddenly wanted to go home so she told her dad “let’s go”, he said let’s wait until the bus gets here.

And I ended up being on the bus she was going on. And she always sits at the back too.

As I’m laying here listening to the ac unit from above dripping, my heart causes me to tear up. I said a few things to Bri that spoke to my heart. Here’s a letter to Bri.

Dear Bri,

When I was 14 I felt powerful. I wanted to change the world. I wanted to be a missionary just like you. I had aspirations, I was unjaded.

I was unafraid. I believed all things are possible. But as life progressed, everyone tried to tell me otherwise. The accusations and pressures of parents, the intimidation of bosses and coworkers, threats…I grew weary Bri. My heart grew weary.

Life can be so hard.

I’m telling you now there are mountains ahead, but don’t give up. I’m learning to go back to my 14 year old self and tell her, don’t give up. You’ll feel tired at times, but you are enough.

People will tell you to be a certain way, they’ll tell you you’re not enough, don’t give up. People will accuse you and tell you you’re not believing right, but don’t give up. You’ll feel inadequate and insecure at times, but in God’s eyes you are perfect.

I want you to look at Jesus alone, not to the left or right. He will always look at you with adoration and say “I’m proud of you”.

He won’t tell you what to believe in or what to follow. He will say “come take my hand, you are enough”.

His words are always gentle. His love amazing.

He will give you strength when the devil comes to tear you down. And the devil will come. I know he’s always tried to knock me down.

The devil will come in the form of people to make you feel less than. But don’t look in the mirror, look at Jesus who has already finished the work on the cross.

Today I prayed over you. I saw you drawing, performing, writing, I saw you dancing, I saw you shining.

Today I felt God giving back the 14 year old heart that I once had- a powerful, hopeful, unjaded heart.

Thank you for allowing me into your heart and talking to me on the bus. That’s the girl I’ve always been, unafraid of rejection, pure and unjaded, bold.

You’re my example. Don’t ever change even when the world tells you to; because the unique ones always stand out and some people’s only life goal is to prevent you from shining.

But keep shining. You are amazing!

Today we watched my reality show appearances and we laughed and talked about the possibilities of future appearances. You said you wanted to be in one, and you will because you are meant to shine. Be yourself and don’t change for anyone!

Rebekka

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I don’t want every blog post to be a sob story but I think it will help you.

I used to go to the Korean spa with my mom but I hated how she started criticizing my body. She’d say “you gained weight”.

She was constantly observing me and criticizing me. Living with her for 2 years when God told me to sell everything and follow Him was like enduring the worse accusations I could endure. The devil used my mom’s mouth to make me feel horrible about myself.

During that time I had to say “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus”.

I had been working since I was 8 and God had told me to rest at 28 years old and He did not tell me the expiration date. He would just say “rest”. In resting I really found my identity in Christ, I realized my worth wasn’t in how much I could accomplish but in Jesus’ finished work.

“What are you doing with your life, you’re almost 30”

“You’re 30 what are you doing with your life”

“You need to exercise more, you eat too much, you gained weight”

These accusations were on repeat. The worse thing is I already felt insecure, so it made it worse.

Looking back I know I had to overcome rejection and judgement because some of the accusations I encountered on the road has been similar or much worse than this. I’ve been called “fake and a fraud, not from God”. I’ve been told I’m not credible if I’m not with a church. All kinds of accusations and remarks.

I don’t know if my mom will ever change, but I know it’s more important how I see myself.

I know most of us have encountered accusations from family, it’s hurtful.

Today forgive them as Jesus forgave you and them. It’s for your heart.

There were more accusations growing up but what I learned is that the messages translated to –

“You’re not enough and you’ll never be enough”

I’ve had to change my mind and speak the righteousness of God at all times.

Growing up in church, there were certain expectations about what I needed to do or dress like too. Church members told my mom “your daughter shouldn’t dress like she is in a fashion show, it’s church”.

I was offended. I said “I’m your daughter, are you going to stick up for me?”

Maybe the criticisms came too harshly for a mother of a unique daughter. I was too unique. It’s not easy for a mother who has a unique daughter.

I’m still trying to find my voice again after all these years of being accused and having the enemy try to stamp out my individuality.

The bullying when I was young, at school for dressing different or not speaking English well.

The voice of intimidation tried to muzzle me, but I refuse to be muzzled.

The enemy didn’t win, Jesus did.

He said it’s time to rise as a Phoenix and take territory. You will be honored where you were dishonored. You will not be ashamed. I’ve been oppressed a lot so I could gain victory and so I could deliver others who feel lack and not enough.

You are enough in Christ Jesus. You are not lacking!

A true warrior isn’t afraid of the enemy. A true warrior faces the enemy and slays it. When I was in different countries seeking the lost sheep, I often faced the religious spirit. It was so strong I felt like giving up, I feel demeaned and degraded by peoples’ remarks.

I felt a spirit of lack. It discouraged me.

But in those moments God would say “I’m the one who called you, dont give up. You are enough. I am with you”.

There were cycles of victories and discouragements. Right when I felt like I was being celebrated or when I met someone who totally understood Jesus’ grace, another came who didn’t and who tried to discredit me.

Right when I met a woman who appreciated me and what I was doing, I’d meet a man who was demon possessed.

It was never a full day of meeting people who were totally like minded.

But I had to learn to lean on God, and not on human wisdom.

Today if you’re feeling less than, remember Jesus finished the work on the cross. You are righteous by His blood, not by your works!

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I didn’t grow up with my dad. In fact, it was a lot of distance, I saw him fighting with my mom then 10 years of absence. Then I tried to bridge the gap.

God became my father.

He fathered me well, He provided when I needed it. But I often still feel lack, I felt like I was lacking. I felt unwanted and rejected.

But He said walk with me. Trust me to do the impossible.

I received Jesus when I was 12 and I’ve walked on water. Impossible things became possible in my life. Imagine not being able to pay for school and suddenly a scholarship that you applied for last year calls you to say “we were too lazy to pick a winner this year so we picked the second place from last year as the winner this year”.

Today I want to say a word of gratitude for the many people that have supported God’s work through me. In the last 11 months I have been to 15 countries and the way God orchestrated everything still blows my mind.

When I went to each country, there were times I didn’t have the money to buy a return ticket. Many times God told me not to book accommodation in advance. Imagine flying into a foreign country at 2am at times without any plan or place to stay. He led me to where people needed a prophetic word or healing. His divine timing and place was so specific that I had to listen and trust Him.

At one airport I noticed a man was rubbing his shoulder and I asked to pray for him. It turned out he was just itchy but that led to prayer and conversation. He said he could give me a ride to the city but then mid way he said I could stay with his family. That was really my sole assignment for Melbourne, a family God loved so much and healing for myself too.

Then other times God led me to a specific hostel so I could minister to individuals, some days I would pray for 10-20 people but some days there was one or two people that were dear to God’s heart.

I felt completely broken at times.

I remember crying a lot in Japan. I hadn’t fundraised or really shared what I was doing with people.

I was doing everything in obedience to God’s voice.

It was so hard.

By then I had run out of money and was living on a credit card.

Yet God said, keep going.

I was afraid of judgment from religious conservatives because I was brought up in a baptist church and now I was spirit filled and spirit led. I

Sure, judgements came at times- which church do you go to?

Jesus’ church. I am His church.

Well you should really go with people or go with a church because it’s not good to be alone.

If Jesus had told me to, I would.

But He didn’t.

If I did I’d be disobeying God.

He wanted my complete trust.

One time at a hostel I prophesied over an Italian woman. She exclaimed! It’s everything I needed to hear!!! I’m trying to move to Australia but there are so many things in the way.

I had prophesied a new beginning and that she needed to trust it was already in place. She was not a believer but this encouragement word opened her heart to Jesus.

I went forward each time in faith not knowing how God would provide. My work was to bring back the lost and wounded sheep and to bring non believers to Jesus, to prophesy over people.

One time in New Zealand I was walking past an art gallery and went in to look at the subversive art showing the hypocrisy of priests and religious leaders.

I prophesied over the atheist artist that he was painting around the world. Even though he said he was old I said he will do it!

I’ve met incredible brothers and sisters in Christ around the world. Their faith and love inspires me. I met people who really loves Jesus and not just the image of being a Christian.

I’ve also learned to understand that not everyone is like me and that’s okay. The hardest thing was being misunderstood by other believers but I learned to find my worth in Christ and not in peoples’ opinion of me.

Most people said they’ve never ever met anyone like me or that was doing what I was doing.

That comforted me but also discouraged me. Because deep down I wish more people live in faith versus fear, I wish more people put God to the test and have faith to move mountains. I wish more people lived boldly and stopped trying to live for peoples’ expectations. I wish more Christians live outside the walls of a church and live more like the church.

Because on the other side – I’ve seen God move mountains no men could have moved. I mean imagine not having the means to stay at a hostel and next thing you know you have a hostel bed to sleep in. Or not having enough to eat and then God tells you to prophesy over a woman who just saw someone die on her flight, then she gives you enough for a day.

Or praying over a boy on the playground and because of your faith, a woman is moved by your testimony, convicted and gives you enough to move onto the next city.

Today’s divine appointment was a Taiwanese man who showed me the abandoned cats on the street. He said sometimes he feeds them but at night a couple drives through and feeds all the cats.

Even the cats don’t hunger, God knows all of our needs and He provided for them!

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Over my lifetime I’ve had my insecurities.

When I was younger I felt like I was too skinny. I wished for the day I would get boobs.

Then when I got older I loathed that my thighs were so thick and my butt too big, my hips too big.

I never worried about weight before but all of sudden I started gaining weight. It especially started when my mother started criticizing me about my looks.

“You’re starting to gain weight”.

I couldn’t help my bone structure was big in the hips.

This was not attractive to Asian culture.

Maybe in America sure but not in Asia. People are called beautiful when they are stick skinny.

For some time I battled with hypothyroid, for about 3 months.

I started taking communion and believing Jesus already healed me by his stripes. Within 3 months my levels were normal and I refused to take medicine which gave me insomnia and fast heartbeats.

I drank herbal medicine and mostly a lot of seaweed, but what really saved me was relaxing- the word healing has the Hebrew word rapha in it – which means relax. I learned this from a Joseph prince video.

I was gaining weight when my levels were abnormal. I also experienced vertigo. I knew this was all the devil’s doing.

The worst thing is that even friends took note of it and had to tell me. Thanks for letting Satan use you!

Geez.

Anyways, even today I felt like I was growing a double chin and started to feel insecure. I felt ugly to be honest and I know you’ll say “no you’re not, you’re beautiful” but the devil is such a liar right?

Anyways I had to utter under my breathe

“I am enough because when God sees me He sees Jesus, nothing lacking, whole, unblemished”.

So if you’re feeling insecure and I know everyone has something they feel a bit insecure about- just remember in Christ you are whole and unblemished!

You are a new creation and the old has passed. You are beautiful in His sight!

True transformation never comes from condemnation but grace. When you know you are loved by God you won’t be moved by the voice of the accuser.

Today I also talked to someone who said he needed to lose weight so women would find him attractive, but I said you are enough.

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God told me to promote these classes. None of us can do life alone and the great thing about these classes is that they are in Facebook groups so you always have access to the videos and spirit filled wisdom posted on there!

If you want to join a class, send in the $50 class fee and include your Facebook profile link if I’m not Facebook friends with you yet and I’ll add you to the class you indicate!

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For anyone who wants to learn how to hear God and live a spirit led life. I will be sharing from my experience of following the spirit in 14 countries and how I went to South Africa with $20 in my pocket and how I ended up starting a ministry from nothing. I’ve prayed over thousands of individuals and have overcome fear of rejection, judgment, lack and failure. What God has shown me is that in Christ we have freedom to live life without fear!

This is an online class for people who want to learn about living in the never ending supply of God.

And learning that abundance is not something you step into but it’s an identity!

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I look forward to having you!!!

Isaiah 54

I remember the intense persecution and talking behind my back was going on when I decided to leave everything behind and follow Jesus. God had called me into a season of rest after I went on a journey of faith in 2015. I went to Southeast Asia for 4 months. At that point I had given up my apartment and my leased car, because I would no longer work to pay for a car but I’d invest my time into the kingdom.

When I came back Jesus told me to rest. He said I am preparing you. I had to learn to rest while the accuser came through people to make me feel bad about resting.

I started to teach me. He instructed me in praying for people on the streets or on the bus. On Christmas 🎄 there was a mentally ill man on the bus and God said “will you love the least of these even if no one is watching you but me?” Then you’ll understand true love.

I was broken.

I had gone from having a reputation of trying to make it big in my career to being unknown.

When God finally said “go” and minister to those who no one shepherds, in hostels, on the street I encountered the religious spirit in conservative Christians and others.

It was heart wrenching and hurtful to see Christians discredit the Holy Spirit‘s work and power in me just because I wasn’t associated with a church.

“What church are you with?”

I used to answer, I’m with Jesus but now I say I am the church, I’m with Jesus or the church of Jesus Christ.

That is why the Holy Spirit has no power in some people because people don’t believe God is enough for them. They need peoples’ validation and peoples’ affirmation. They need some pastor to tell them “it’s from God” instead of trusting it is God!

They listen to a voice of human authority versus the voice of God.

So when I say “I listen to God’s voice” it’s less valid than if I said “I’m with so and so church?”

Wow.

So if you’re with a church and there is no fruit of the spirit or no power, it’s better?

I would just shake my head inside.

It grieves me still. That people have no real relationship with God but rather enjoy an external appearance of “holiness” by going to church.

Go on then. Live your lie.

I found myself birthing a ministry in the hardest time of my life. I didn’t know how I would survive. I was in South Africa when God said “it’s time to let people know what you’re doing.” I was scared of judgment from religious conservatives.

I had been judged brutally before and now this?

Since then I’ve “turned” a few people but many are still lost in the facade of religion.

I’ve gained the support of many and have created a group for pioneers who are called to an all in lifestyle.

I’ve stayed at many hostels and have experienced more hardship than I’d ever wish on anyone.

But God has also restored unto me-

1. Honor – by people who truly honor and respect who I am

2. Provision- to resource the vision

3. Worth- I’ve learned to value and honor myself instead of waiting for others to honor me

4. Time- God restored time to me

5. Relationships- in the beginning of my journey in finding lost sheep around the world, I had no friend by my side, even emotionally. God was teaching me to rely on Him alone. I did have a friend who would pray for me but I was pioneering new roads and new ways so it was hard for anyone to understand me.

Since then I’ve reconnected with old friends but have gained new friends through my blog as well as on the road.

I had to contact people for financial support and in doing so, I’ve ministered to those who desire to follow Jesus more wholeheartedly.

Since then many have answered Jesus’ true calling for them!!!

Many have quit their jobs, moved, broken off relationships, jumped into what God is calling them to!

Some of the ways your sowing has reaped!

God told me to buy a meal for this worker at the airport. I didn’t know why but after she wrote me a letter and attached it to my suitcase that I asked her to keep for me.

In addition, lately God has also used me to teach giving and breaking off the spirit of lack. One woman God sent me to – He said “ask her for a donation”. She didn’t budge, I said “give me what you have” and I multiplied it back to her.

I shared that in Christ she is enough and not lacking.

The spirit of poverty and lack was really strong in Samoa. I felt that even though a lot of people were Christian, they were only Christian by tradition and didn’t even know they could hear God’s voice or live in His true power!

I encountered religious spirits and a spirit of intimidation through a man who tried to discredit me. But at the end when this woman gave me this letter, I felt so touched.

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Huge revelation- God led me to eat with a person at a restaurant and I realized this- friendship isn’t always about agreeing on everything but accepting each other’s differences. God told me to ask him to pay for my meal. A person I just met. He said he’d be willing to pay for part of it. Then later God said to ask for a donation, and he said no. Then God said ask for $5, he said no. Then God said ask for $10, he said no. It was so liberating!

In case you’re wondering how I met him. I saw him at a restaurant and asked if I could sit with him.

I realized in my past friendships I often suppressed how I actually felt out of fear that I would lose them. I got into debt because I was afraid to ask for help, I pretended I was okay when I wasn’t. If I lived the way I do now I would have asked friends to pay instead getting into debt pretending to be okay. And if they said no I would have been honest and said I can’t eat out, etc.

I was rejected and felt abandoned from childhood and because of that in my friendships I was fearful of rejection and became a people pleaser helping everyone else but not knowing how to ask for help.

I felt burdened by other peoples’ problems as I kept listening to them but didn’t know how to voice my own problems.

This journey of following Jesus has helped me to see my worth. I’ve learned to complain when there are tv noises next door, I’ve learned to speak up when I’m not happy with something or can’t sleepy because of a disturbance. Now I check out all the rooms before I choose to stay somewhere. I speak up about everything.

And yes! People have responded in anger at times! They got offended because I spoke up because they thought I was attacking them when in fact I was only speaking my mind. When people have a lense of rejection they think everyone is rejecting them!

People did not like me at times because of my standards. They would say “well it’s loud at hostels or hotels here, just compromise and bear with it”. One time in china I woke up to someone watching porn on their phone! Then many times people leave their notification sound on all night so now I tell people please keep your phone on silent mode.

When you’ve been rejected all your life you feel that you want acceptance from people but when you are accepted by God already, you don’t need anyone’s acceptance.

So now God has me asking people for things so that I won’t ever be afraid to ask. He often says “don’t be afraid to ask, you are enough”.

When I finally ask, and even if they say no, I feel a relief, like I’m not afraid of rejection and I’m not afraid of what people think.

Because sometimes the questions are strange. Like asking someone for $10, then another $10. Or asking someone to buy me a drink or meal. And they might be offended, but part of that is having them confront the fact that maybe they don’t know how to ask for help and maybe they need to learn how to do it without fear of rejection.

Because I am not a burden, I am a gift. I felt that I didn’t ask friends for help because I didn’t want to be a burden- which I felt I was growing up with a single mother. I suppressed my desires to take care of her emotionally. I felt that I couldn’t express how I actually felt because my negative emotions may impact her negatively.

Today I saw three men I saw the other day. God told me to talk to them. I walked up to their table and introduced myself. I told them what I was doing- I said I was a missionary and they said “we are scientists”.

I prayed for each one of them and gave them prophetic words which were accurate. One I said he was in a season of love- he said he just got married!

God then said “ask for a donation” and they said no they didn’t have cash on them.

I walked back to my friend. I could’ve thought, okay I’m not going to talk to these people because I’m here talking to a new friend but that was also breaking off the fear of what the new friend thought.

It was really an incredible night where God revealed all this to me! Amazing!

Sow a seed and give to your breakthrough!

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