I don’t want every blog post to be a sob story but I think it will help you.
I used to go to the Korean spa with my mom but I hated how she started criticizing my body. She’d say “you gained weight”.
She was constantly observing me and criticizing me. Living with her for 2 years when God told me to sell everything and follow Him was like enduring the worse accusations I could endure. The devil used my mom’s mouth to make me feel horrible about myself.
During that time I had to say “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus”.
I had been working since I was 8 and God had told me to rest at 28 years old and He did not tell me the expiration date. He would just say “rest”. In resting I really found my identity in Christ, I realized my worth wasn’t in how much I could accomplish but in Jesus’ finished work.
“What are you doing with your life, you’re almost 30”
“You’re 30 what are you doing with your life”
“You need to exercise more, you eat too much, you gained weight”
These accusations were on repeat. The worse thing is I already felt insecure, so it made it worse.
Looking back I know I had to overcome rejection and judgement because some of the accusations I encountered on the road has been similar or much worse than this. I’ve been called “fake and a fraud, not from God”. I’ve been told I’m not credible if I’m not with a church. All kinds of accusations and remarks.
I don’t know if my mom will ever change, but I know it’s more important how I see myself.
I know most of us have encountered accusations from family, it’s hurtful.
Today forgive them as Jesus forgave you and them. It’s for your heart.
There were more accusations growing up but what I learned is that the messages translated to –
“You’re not enough and you’ll never be enough”
I’ve had to change my mind and speak the righteousness of God at all times.
Growing up in church, there were certain expectations about what I needed to do or dress like too. Church members told my mom “your daughter shouldn’t dress like she is in a fashion show, it’s church”.
I was offended. I said “I’m your daughter, are you going to stick up for me?”
Maybe the criticisms came too harshly for a mother of a unique daughter. I was too unique. It’s not easy for a mother who has a unique daughter.
I’m still trying to find my voice again after all these years of being accused and having the enemy try to stamp out my individuality.
The bullying when I was young, at school for dressing different or not speaking English well.
The voice of intimidation tried to muzzle me, but I refuse to be muzzled.
The enemy didn’t win, Jesus did.
He said it’s time to rise as a Phoenix and take territory. You will be honored where you were dishonored. You will not be ashamed. I’ve been oppressed a lot so I could gain victory and so I could deliver others who feel lack and not enough.
You are enough in Christ Jesus. You are not lacking!
A true warrior isn’t afraid of the enemy. A true warrior faces the enemy and slays it. When I was in different countries seeking the lost sheep, I often faced the religious spirit. It was so strong I felt like giving up, I feel demeaned and degraded by peoples’ remarks.
I felt a spirit of lack. It discouraged me.
But in those moments God would say “I’m the one who called you, dont give up. You are enough. I am with you”.
There were cycles of victories and discouragements. Right when I felt like I was being celebrated or when I met someone who totally understood Jesus’ grace, another came who didn’t and who tried to discredit me.
Right when I met a woman who appreciated me and what I was doing, I’d meet a man who was demon possessed.
It was never a full day of meeting people who were totally like minded.
But I had to learn to lean on God, and not on human wisdom.
Today if you’re feeling less than, remember Jesus finished the work on the cross. You are righteous by His blood, not by your works!
Sow a seed-