Please watch this.

Wow I couldn’t even keep my eyes open because God started giving me an image of a delivery room. I saw you in bed giving birth to a baby (#dreams) and people were outside trying to come in and kill the baby. Then I saw Jesus standing there and asking you to push. He said don’t give up!!!!! Some of you have laid down and given up. I see some of you binge watching Netflix!! God is like no! Now is the time to push and go forward! #propheticword #prophet

I’ve been on the road even in LA and am leaving to SF June 24. It’s been a whirlwind as God pushes me forward. At first I thought I was going to continue in India and last night God said Taiwan.

So this morning I had to take an Uber and rush to the Taiwanese embassy to renew my passport.

There’s been a slew of divine appointments. I went from Rancho Cucamonga, glendale to pasadena back to alhambra. Today I went to Koreatown.

Here’s a testimony from today-

Testimony of divine encounter with a Korean man- the Lord said to go to Starbucks. I saw a young man sitting there and there was a chair in front of him. I heard “sit down” from God and asked to sit down. Honestly I didn’t feel like talking. But somehow we started talking and I told him my testimony of learning what Grace is- it’s that you are enough and whole in God’s eyes because of jesus’ finished work.

He told me how this morning he was frazzled and needed peace. He’s tried meditation and is spiritual. But he never heard the gospel spoken like that. Usually he closes himself off when anyone tries to say anything about God. In the beginning I asked to pray for him and he kept saying no it’s okay pray for the world.

He said “it’s the way you speak about it. The humanness of it that made me want to listen to you”.

I prophesied over him and said that in God’s eyes he is enough and he doesn’t need to prove anything. I prayed the peace of Jesus over him.

God said to ask him for a donation and he said “actually I would but I’m homeless”. He was dressed in business wear. I said “let me buy you a drink”. He said no no. I knew he had a hard time receiving. He had told me how his Korean parents had great expectations for him that made him feel less than. The conditional love caused him to try to give others unconditional love but he had a hard time receiving.

I said “you are worthy to receive just because you were born, not because you’ve done anything for others”.

I told him how I never felt like I was enough in my mother’s eyes but when I learned the true gospel of grace – it freed me to rest completely in Jesus’ finished work.

The rest and peace you seek is in His finished work.

I told him it was time to go back home and don’t feel ashamed to ask his parents for help.

I am raising funds for what is ahead. Your contribution means a lot to me as I continue to reach people with the message of grace.

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Even as I’m writing this I hear God say “linger no more”. It’s time to move forward. “Resting and laying down” won’t give you energy right now as God is flowing in action.

I saw my parents fighting when I was young and it was embedded in my mind that I will do anything to avoid marrying the wrong person.

I read tons of relationship and marriage books and even though I was in several relationships, I said God no matter what I will listen to you.

I did try to find worth in men’s attention and found value in being loved.

But when I broke up with my ex in 2014 as an act of obedience and faith (and after I tried to date several times) I decided to commit myself to God.

It was difficult because it was my longest relationship of 2.5 years and a big part of why I stayed was fear- I was afraid of the feeling of pain.

I wasn’t afraid to be alone. I had spent most of my life alone so it wasn’t loneliness I feared, it was the pain of separation, the sadness.

It did come but I tried to keep myself busy.

Breaking up with him was one of the best decisions of my life. I’ve grown so much since then. I went to 15 countries with Jesus. I faced danger, loneliness, fear of lack and judgement but God was my husband. He never left nor forsook me.

Jesus is the best guy you’ll ever meet. Ever.

God is enough for you.

We face so much unnecessary pain when we don’t trust God- when we try to find worth and validation from people, a job or a partner.

He is everything you’ve ever wanted in a man. He is reliable. He pushes you to grow. He is faithful, He’ll never cheat on you nor abuse you. He will surprise you. He isn’t complacent nor lazy. He is always working behind the scenes. He knows when you’re being stubborn and He is jealous in a good way. Because He’ll always wait for you to come back. He is loyal, He never condemns you. He is a gentleman.

Before I left Los Angeles to go follow Jesus I had many dreams of being married and having a wedding dress on the airplane.

What God was saying to me was that I was willing to say yes to Him no matter what He called me to.

So I keep stepping out in faith to hold His hand, not because I have to but because I absolutely trust and love Him. Because He has shown Himself trustworthy.

If you still don’t trust God from seeing how He continues to call me forward, you must be blind.

He is the best man you’ll ever meet and He is asking for faithfulness to Him. Don’t go back and forth with Him. Say yes to His hand in marriage. Are you willing to trust Him in good times and bad? Or are you going to bounce when times seem difficult.

I’m talking about making God your husband.

Sure, there are times I’m scared out of my mind but life with Him is adventurous and amazing.

And here’s my appearance on a tv show – where God told me I wouldn’t get picked and I trusted Him and sure enough did not get picked to be the bride. So I trust God.

https://youtu.be/ZJTJtQG-lsc

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I’ve been stressed out over finances not transferring and thinking how it will work out.

God asked me “what’s your worse fear?”

I thought about it -“not being in control?”

So basically I live out my worse fear everyday. I’m never in control. I never really know where I’m going each day and sometimes where I’m staying. I don’t know how God will provide at times and I don’t know how it’s possible that I’ve survived.

Sometimes I walk around with my suitcase on a hot days or cold days, days in Samoa, in china, I’m never in control. Ever. I allow God to lead me to where I need to go. And I’m flexible and free, I’m not hindered by needing to control anything. I really flow with His spirit and I trust Him.

But sometimes I have more anxiety because something I think I can control, it doesn’t work according to my mind – something that is supposed to have set times and dates but it doesn’t go according to it, I freak out. If it takes 3-5 days for an echeck to clear it should take a max of 5 days right?

So I’m checking every ten minutes, did it go through? I’m overdrafting and how am I still able to use it when I’m overdrafted by $500??? God how did you make that happen?

Okay God I let go of control. I get it.

Some of you are pondering what sandwich or lunch you want to eat and that is your biggest change in life, but for me everyday is a big change.

I’m excited over the idea of staying in my own condo studio for a consecutive 2 days. These comforts and seeming consistency gives me great delight – but I realize I’m putting my hope and desire in consistency versus the consistent God.

I know you might think it’s normal, but oh how much we put our trust in consistency.

Few of us want real change.

We freak out over small changes.

We freak out because bachelor is not on. We freak out because the mail we were suppose to get today didn’t arrive today.

We freak out because our clothes shrunk in the dryer.

We freak out because we can’t control other people in our lives.

Oh how we love control.

You have no idea how much you love and trust in human consistency.

You don’t realize it until you’ve been on the road like me for a year and you realize – omg I’ve been trusting in human stability all along.

Until you’re shaken out of your comfort zone…to stay in a 10 bed dorm or in a hostel where music is playing until 2am in the morning. Until you arrive in a country with $20 in your pocket and no phone to book your accommodation…until you’ve really learned to let go and literally trust God with the smallest things.

Oh how humans love comfort.

And this is where I am. I realize I’ve been too comfortable lately and this is God shaking away my comfort zone again.

You’re relying too much on what you can do, it’s time for another shake down!

We can get so comfortable being alone, we can get comfortable in our houses with our “stable” paychecks, we can get comfortable always having the same people around but when God shakes everything- He is asking you for complete trust in Him, not the things around you.

Okay God I’m not in control- you are.

Hahaha I get it God.

What have you been relying on when God actually wants you to rely on Him???

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A look at how I try to control the small things – there are holes on the top that the curtains don’t cover so I’ve put towels there to cover the light.

Affirmation – “I am not in control!! God you are!!!”

We cannot truly relay God’s heart of love if we don’t understand the Father’s heart for you. Today God told me to go to the zoo and immediately I saw a penny machine.

This couple came to the machine as well to create their penny. The guy asked if I needed quarters and he gave me some. He said he would stay and help me make one. He showed me how to do it and waited for me.

When they left I started crying. I went to the bathroom and started sobbing. Something so simple seemed huge to me.

I don’t remember the last time my mom showed me how to do anything. Because she was a single mom she was often out working and I learned to do things on my own at an early age.

Maybe around 6 years old I’d be home alone.

Recently I’ve felt a lot of pain from my experiences on the road, I recalled the times of rejection and hardships trusting God for the finances and resources. I felt a lot of fear but I learned to trust God.

I learned to trust Him as my father.

There was no emotional or financial support growing up, so I learned to be independent.

I also felt tired of asking for help. I felt tired of taking initiative and I feel like God is calling me to rest and to wait on Him. Because last season was full of initiative. It was a season where God pushed me off the edge and caused me to fly and sit on His wings.

But it was still scary. I feel like my heart needs solace and rest to just recover a little.

Today I expressed to a woman I’ve been writing that I felt exhausted that on top of ministry I had to explain myself to her. I told her about the story today and said “I realize the Father’s heart is to give and He does not require an explanation or right doing- His heart freely gives without you needing to prove yourself or earn it”.

That’s the key.

Most Christians think that God is out to punish them- no.

God is a good Father, His heart’s intention is to love and give. That is all.

When we start to believe that we need to earn His approval, we’re forgetting Jesus’ sacrifice already redeemed us and He adopted us as sons and daughters. He already paid the punishment for our imperfections.

There is no room for punishment, judgment or rejection.

There were times God asked me to ask my mom for help and even though she would, she would make me feel guilty about it.

I understand that it comes out of her own fear of lack.

And I know God is using all this to break off the fear of lack.

Did you grow up with parents that were loving or demanded performance or good behavior in exchange for reward?

Psalm 34:7-10 For the angel of the LORD is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him. Taste and see that the LORD is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him! Fear the LORD, you his godly people, for those who fear him will have all they need. Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the LORD will lack no good thing.

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Singapore

As I was trying for explain to someone that no one in their right mind would someone go to a foreign country with $20 in their pocket, you would either think this girl has stupid faith or pure faith.

Why would anyone in their right mind try to survive in a foreign country and continue to go forward to different countries to minister to those God has led me to?

I didn’t take photos of many places I went to because I didn’t even have a working phone.

It’s either I’m delusional or I’m obeying God. Why would I sit at in a hostel bed with 6 other people and pray with a previous Muslim believer so she could hear jesus’ voice? Telling her it’s going to be okay.

Why would I endure not knowing where I’m going next, where I’m staying tomorrow, not knowing where the finances would come from?

No one in their right mind would do this if it wasn’t for pure faith in Jesus.

Why would I stay at hostels where the music is blasting loud outside or be in a hostel room where it’s hot as hell in a country where WiFi is not freely available and there are no toilet seats?

Why would I go stay in the suburbs of South Africa to reach one individual who had walked away from God? People ask me, why did you stay in centurion? I stayed there because God told me to, and it wasn’t just for him, I prayed for people all over the strip malls. I prophesied over homeless people, Chinese restaurant owners, janitors, I’ve prayed for and ministered to thousands of people.

And to be honest, it paid really shit salary. It was like enough to pay for food and accommodation. So if I was doing it for the money, no one in their right mind would do it.

I did it because God spoke and God kept speaking and when God speaks, I listen and I reach those He tells me to reach.

Because no one else will. Or most don’t seem to care. I’m not perfect, I’m just willing.

It was hard and grueling, self sacrifice, hot, I walked everywhere and took local buses that everyone warned me not to take. Even the locals in South Africa said I was insane. They said car accidents happen often with those local buses.

But I got to minister to those on the bus.

The list goes on.

I just be insane or I have faith in a God who is leading me.

Why would I endure 5 months without a working phone while I pray for strangers without getting any pay and just enough provision to eat and sleep?

It was a horrible paying job if you think about it, being a pastor to the lost sheep. Yet God provided! God always made a way.

Of course God has been improving my living conditions lately and I’m grateful for it. I never thought I could stay in a real hotel since I was literally slumming it in hostels for months.

I must either be really insane and delusional or I’m following the voice of God.

Take your pick. I don’t actually care what anyone thinks because my own mother didn’t talk to me for days when I told her I was going overseas.

Am I insane or I believe in God who makes all things possible?

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Australia and South Africa

Even thinking about all the hard times I had to endure, suitcase in tow, not having enough money to sleep somewhere and then God making a way….I cry just thinking about it.

And to think that people still doubt my motives.

Jesus says “do you love me?”

Yes lord.

Then feed my sheep.

I feed His sheep because I love Him intensely as He loves me intensely. It’s been painful, it was not a vacation. It was hard af. But freely He loves me, freely I love His sheep.

Today #god told me I’m going to stay with someone…He said go to #northshore so I took 2 hours to get there, in town God told me to get off the bus; I went to pee and then went back to the bus stop. I told a guy I was a missionary, then some other guy overheard, said I could stay with him, but he was drinking from his bag…I just kept hearing God say “go with him”. I’m like God I don’t really want to but I trust you. When I got on the bus a girl and her dad came on to sit near me and the guy that was drinking. The girl started talking to me and her dad and I started talking about God and being led by the spirit. Anyways I felt God said to stay with them and I got off the bus with them. Here I am.

Later she told me she was at church at the park and she suddenly wanted to go home so she told her dad “let’s go”, he said let’s wait until the bus gets here.

And I ended up being on the bus she was going on. And she always sits at the back too.

As I’m laying here listening to the ac unit from above dripping, my heart causes me to tear up. I said a few things to Bri that spoke to my heart. Here’s a letter to Bri.

Dear Bri,

When I was 14 I felt powerful. I wanted to change the world. I wanted to be a missionary just like you. I had aspirations, I was unjaded.

I was unafraid. I believed all things are possible. But as life progressed, everyone tried to tell me otherwise. The accusations and pressures of parents, the intimidation of bosses and coworkers, threats…I grew weary Bri. My heart grew weary.

Life can be so hard.

I’m telling you now there are mountains ahead, but don’t give up. I’m learning to go back to my 14 year old self and tell her, don’t give up. You’ll feel tired at times, but you are enough.

People will tell you to be a certain way, they’ll tell you you’re not enough, don’t give up. People will accuse you and tell you you’re not believing right, but don’t give up. You’ll feel inadequate and insecure at times, but in God’s eyes you are perfect.

I want you to look at Jesus alone, not to the left or right. He will always look at you with adoration and say “I’m proud of you”.

He won’t tell you what to believe in or what to follow. He will say “come take my hand, you are enough”.

His words are always gentle. His love amazing.

He will give you strength when the devil comes to tear you down. And the devil will come. I know he’s always tried to knock me down.

The devil will come in the form of people to make you feel less than. But don’t look in the mirror, look at Jesus who has already finished the work on the cross.

Today I prayed over you. I saw you drawing, performing, writing, I saw you dancing, I saw you shining.

Today I felt God giving back the 14 year old heart that I once had- a powerful, hopeful, unjaded heart.

Thank you for allowing me into your heart and talking to me on the bus. That’s the girl I’ve always been, unafraid of rejection, pure and unjaded, bold.

You’re my example. Don’t ever change even when the world tells you to; because the unique ones always stand out and some people’s only life goal is to prevent you from shining.

But keep shining. You are amazing!

Today we watched my reality show appearances and we laughed and talked about the possibilities of future appearances. You said you wanted to be in one, and you will because you are meant to shine. Be yourself and don’t change for anyone!

Rebekka

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I don’t want every blog post to be a sob story but I think it will help you.

I used to go to the Korean spa with my mom but I hated how she started criticizing my body. She’d say “you gained weight”.

She was constantly observing me and criticizing me. Living with her for 2 years when God told me to sell everything and follow Him was like enduring the worse accusations I could endure. The devil used my mom’s mouth to make me feel horrible about myself.

During that time I had to say “I am the righteousness of God in Christ Jesus, there is no condemnation for those in Christ Jesus”.

I had been working since I was 8 and God had told me to rest at 28 years old and He did not tell me the expiration date. He would just say “rest”. In resting I really found my identity in Christ, I realized my worth wasn’t in how much I could accomplish but in Jesus’ finished work.

“What are you doing with your life, you’re almost 30”

“You’re 30 what are you doing with your life”

“You need to exercise more, you eat too much, you gained weight”

These accusations were on repeat. The worse thing is I already felt insecure, so it made it worse.

Looking back I know I had to overcome rejection and judgement because some of the accusations I encountered on the road has been similar or much worse than this. I’ve been called “fake and a fraud, not from God”. I’ve been told I’m not credible if I’m not with a church. All kinds of accusations and remarks.

I don’t know if my mom will ever change, but I know it’s more important how I see myself.

I know most of us have encountered accusations from family, it’s hurtful.

Today forgive them as Jesus forgave you and them. It’s for your heart.

There were more accusations growing up but what I learned is that the messages translated to –

“You’re not enough and you’ll never be enough”

I’ve had to change my mind and speak the righteousness of God at all times.

Growing up in church, there were certain expectations about what I needed to do or dress like too. Church members told my mom “your daughter shouldn’t dress like she is in a fashion show, it’s church”.

I was offended. I said “I’m your daughter, are you going to stick up for me?”

Maybe the criticisms came too harshly for a mother of a unique daughter. I was too unique. It’s not easy for a mother who has a unique daughter.

I’m still trying to find my voice again after all these years of being accused and having the enemy try to stamp out my individuality.

The bullying when I was young, at school for dressing different or not speaking English well.

The voice of intimidation tried to muzzle me, but I refuse to be muzzled.

The enemy didn’t win, Jesus did.

He said it’s time to rise as a Phoenix and take territory. You will be honored where you were dishonored. You will not be ashamed. I’ve been oppressed a lot so I could gain victory and so I could deliver others who feel lack and not enough.

You are enough in Christ Jesus. You are not lacking!

A true warrior isn’t afraid of the enemy. A true warrior faces the enemy and slays it. When I was in different countries seeking the lost sheep, I often faced the religious spirit. It was so strong I felt like giving up, I feel demeaned and degraded by peoples’ remarks.

I felt a spirit of lack. It discouraged me.

But in those moments God would say “I’m the one who called you, dont give up. You are enough. I am with you”.

There were cycles of victories and discouragements. Right when I felt like I was being celebrated or when I met someone who totally understood Jesus’ grace, another came who didn’t and who tried to discredit me.

Right when I met a woman who appreciated me and what I was doing, I’d meet a man who was demon possessed.

It was never a full day of meeting people who were totally like minded.

But I had to learn to lean on God, and not on human wisdom.

Today if you’re feeling less than, remember Jesus finished the work on the cross. You are righteous by His blood, not by your works!

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I didn’t grow up with my dad. In fact, it was a lot of distance, I saw him fighting with my mom then 10 years of absence. Then I tried to bridge the gap.

God became my father.

He fathered me well, He provided when I needed it. But I often still feel lack, I felt like I was lacking. I felt unwanted and rejected.

But He said walk with me. Trust me to do the impossible.

I received Jesus when I was 12 and I’ve walked on water. Impossible things became possible in my life. Imagine not being able to pay for school and suddenly a scholarship that you applied for last year calls you to say “we were too lazy to pick a winner this year so we picked the second place from last year as the winner this year”.

Today I want to say a word of gratitude for the many people that have supported God’s work through me. In the last 11 months I have been to 15 countries and the way God orchestrated everything still blows my mind.

When I went to each country, there were times I didn’t have the money to buy a return ticket. Many times God told me not to book accommodation in advance. Imagine flying into a foreign country at 2am at times without any plan or place to stay. He led me to where people needed a prophetic word or healing. His divine timing and place was so specific that I had to listen and trust Him.

At one airport I noticed a man was rubbing his shoulder and I asked to pray for him. It turned out he was just itchy but that led to prayer and conversation. He said he could give me a ride to the city but then mid way he said I could stay with his family. That was really my sole assignment for Melbourne, a family God loved so much and healing for myself too.

Then other times God led me to a specific hostel so I could minister to individuals, some days I would pray for 10-20 people but some days there was one or two people that were dear to God’s heart.

I felt completely broken at times.

I remember crying a lot in Japan. I hadn’t fundraised or really shared what I was doing with people.

I was doing everything in obedience to God’s voice.

It was so hard.

By then I had run out of money and was living on a credit card.

Yet God said, keep going.

I was afraid of judgment from religious conservatives because I was brought up in a baptist church and now I was spirit filled and spirit led. I

Sure, judgements came at times- which church do you go to?

Jesus’ church. I am His church.

Well you should really go with people or go with a church because it’s not good to be alone.

If Jesus had told me to, I would.

But He didn’t.

If I did I’d be disobeying God.

He wanted my complete trust.

One time at a hostel I prophesied over an Italian woman. She exclaimed! It’s everything I needed to hear!!! I’m trying to move to Australia but there are so many things in the way.

I had prophesied a new beginning and that she needed to trust it was already in place. She was not a believer but this encouragement word opened her heart to Jesus.

I went forward each time in faith not knowing how God would provide. My work was to bring back the lost and wounded sheep and to bring non believers to Jesus, to prophesy over people.

One time in New Zealand I was walking past an art gallery and went in to look at the subversive art showing the hypocrisy of priests and religious leaders.

I prophesied over the atheist artist that he was painting around the world. Even though he said he was old I said he will do it!

I’ve met incredible brothers and sisters in Christ around the world. Their faith and love inspires me. I met people who really loves Jesus and not just the image of being a Christian.

I’ve also learned to understand that not everyone is like me and that’s okay. The hardest thing was being misunderstood by other believers but I learned to find my worth in Christ and not in peoples’ opinion of me.

Most people said they’ve never ever met anyone like me or that was doing what I was doing.

That comforted me but also discouraged me. Because deep down I wish more people live in faith versus fear, I wish more people put God to the test and have faith to move mountains. I wish more people lived boldly and stopped trying to live for peoples’ expectations. I wish more Christians live outside the walls of a church and live more like the church.

Because on the other side – I’ve seen God move mountains no men could have moved. I mean imagine not having the means to stay at a hostel and next thing you know you have a hostel bed to sleep in. Or not having enough to eat and then God tells you to prophesy over a woman who just saw someone die on her flight, then she gives you enough for a day.

Or praying over a boy on the playground and because of your faith, a woman is moved by your testimony, convicted and gives you enough to move onto the next city.

Today’s divine appointment was a Taiwanese man who showed me the abandoned cats on the street. He said sometimes he feeds them but at night a couple drives through and feeds all the cats.

Even the cats don’t hunger, God knows all of our needs and He provided for them!

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