I didn’t grow up with my dad. In fact, it was a lot of distance, I saw him fighting with my mom then 10 years of absence. Then I tried to bridge the gap.

God became my father.

He fathered me well, He provided when I needed it. But I often still feel lack, I felt like I was lacking. I felt unwanted and rejected.

But He said walk with me. Trust me to do the impossible.

I received Jesus when I was 12 and I’ve walked on water. Impossible things became possible in my life. Imagine not being able to pay for school and suddenly a scholarship that you applied for last year calls you to say “we were too lazy to pick a winner this year so we picked the second place from last year as the winner this year”.

Today I want to say a word of gratitude for the many people that have supported God’s work through me. In the last 11 months I have been to 15 countries and the way God orchestrated everything still blows my mind.

When I went to each country, there were times I didn’t have the money to buy a return ticket. Many times God told me not to book accommodation in advance. Imagine flying into a foreign country at 2am at times without any plan or place to stay. He led me to where people needed a prophetic word or healing. His divine timing and place was so specific that I had to listen and trust Him.

At one airport I noticed a man was rubbing his shoulder and I asked to pray for him. It turned out he was just itchy but that led to prayer and conversation. He said he could give me a ride to the city but then mid way he said I could stay with his family. That was really my sole assignment for Melbourne, a family God loved so much and healing for myself too.

Then other times God led me to a specific hostel so I could minister to individuals, some days I would pray for 10-20 people but some days there was one or two people that were dear to God’s heart.

I felt completely broken at times.

I remember crying a lot in Japan. I hadn’t fundraised or really shared what I was doing with people.

I was doing everything in obedience to God’s voice.

It was so hard.

By then I had run out of money and was living on a credit card.

Yet God said, keep going.

I was afraid of judgment from religious conservatives because I was brought up in a baptist church and now I was spirit filled and spirit led. I

Sure, judgements came at times- which church do you go to?

Jesus’ church. I am His church.

Well you should really go with people or go with a church because it’s not good to be alone.

If Jesus had told me to, I would.

But He didn’t.

If I did I’d be disobeying God.

He wanted my complete trust.

One time at a hostel I prophesied over an Italian woman. She exclaimed! It’s everything I needed to hear!!! I’m trying to move to Australia but there are so many things in the way.

I had prophesied a new beginning and that she needed to trust it was already in place. She was not a believer but this encouragement word opened her heart to Jesus.

I went forward each time in faith not knowing how God would provide. My work was to bring back the lost and wounded sheep and to bring non believers to Jesus, to prophesy over people.

One time in New Zealand I was walking past an art gallery and went in to look at the subversive art showing the hypocrisy of priests and religious leaders.

I prophesied over the atheist artist that he was painting around the world. Even though he said he was old I said he will do it!

I’ve met incredible brothers and sisters in Christ around the world. Their faith and love inspires me. I met people who really loves Jesus and not just the image of being a Christian.

I’ve also learned to understand that not everyone is like me and that’s okay. The hardest thing was being misunderstood by other believers but I learned to find my worth in Christ and not in peoples’ opinion of me.

Most people said they’ve never ever met anyone like me or that was doing what I was doing.

That comforted me but also discouraged me. Because deep down I wish more people live in faith versus fear, I wish more people put God to the test and have faith to move mountains. I wish more people lived boldly and stopped trying to live for peoples’ expectations. I wish more Christians live outside the walls of a church and live more like the church.

Because on the other side – I’ve seen God move mountains no men could have moved. I mean imagine not having the means to stay at a hostel and next thing you know you have a hostel bed to sleep in. Or not having enough to eat and then God tells you to prophesy over a woman who just saw someone die on her flight, then she gives you enough for a day.

Or praying over a boy on the playground and because of your faith, a woman is moved by your testimony, convicted and gives you enough to move onto the next city.

Today’s divine appointment was a Taiwanese man who showed me the abandoned cats on the street. He said sometimes he feeds them but at night a couple drives through and feeds all the cats.

Even the cats don’t hunger, God knows all of our needs and He provided for them!

Sow a seed-

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Over my lifetime I’ve had my insecurities.

When I was younger I felt like I was too skinny. I wished for the day I would get boobs.

Then when I got older I loathed that my thighs were so thick and my butt too big, my hips too big.

I never worried about weight before but all of sudden I started gaining weight. It especially started when my mother started criticizing me about my looks.

“You’re starting to gain weight”.

I couldn’t help my bone structure was big in the hips.

This was not attractive to Asian culture.

Maybe in America sure but not in Asia. People are called beautiful when they are stick skinny.

For some time I battled with hypothyroid, for about 3 months.

I started taking communion and believing Jesus already healed me by his stripes. Within 3 months my levels were normal and I refused to take medicine which gave me insomnia and fast heartbeats.

I drank herbal medicine and mostly a lot of seaweed, but what really saved me was relaxing- the word healing has the Hebrew word rapha in it – which means relax. I learned this from a Joseph prince video.

I was gaining weight when my levels were abnormal. I also experienced vertigo. I knew this was all the devil’s doing.

The worst thing is that even friends took note of it and had to tell me. Thanks for letting Satan use you!

Geez.

Anyways, even today I felt like I was growing a double chin and started to feel insecure. I felt ugly to be honest and I know you’ll say “no you’re not, you’re beautiful” but the devil is such a liar right?

Anyways I had to utter under my breathe

“I am enough because when God sees me He sees Jesus, nothing lacking, whole, unblemished”.

So if you’re feeling insecure and I know everyone has something they feel a bit insecure about- just remember in Christ you are whole and unblemished!

You are a new creation and the old has passed. You are beautiful in His sight!

True transformation never comes from condemnation but grace. When you know you are loved by God you won’t be moved by the voice of the accuser.

Today I also talked to someone who said he needed to lose weight so women would find him attractive, but I said you are enough.

Sow a seed-

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God told me to promote these classes. None of us can do life alone and the great thing about these classes is that they are in Facebook groups so you always have access to the videos and spirit filled wisdom posted on there!

If you want to join a class, send in the $50 class fee and include your Facebook profile link if I’m not Facebook friends with you yet and I’ll add you to the class you indicate!

Send $50 class fee to-

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For anyone who wants to learn how to hear God and live a spirit led life. I will be sharing from my experience of following the spirit in 14 countries and how I went to South Africa with $20 in my pocket and how I ended up starting a ministry from nothing. I’ve prayed over thousands of individuals and have overcome fear of rejection, judgment, lack and failure. What God has shown me is that in Christ we have freedom to live life without fear!

This is an online class for people who want to learn about living in the never ending supply of God.

And learning that abundance is not something you step into but it’s an identity!

Send $50 class fee to-

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I look forward to having you!!!

Isaiah 54

I remember the intense persecution and talking behind my back was going on when I decided to leave everything behind and follow Jesus. God had called me into a season of rest after I went on a journey of faith in 2015. I went to Southeast Asia for 4 months. At that point I had given up my apartment and my leased car, because I would no longer work to pay for a car but I’d invest my time into the kingdom.

When I came back Jesus told me to rest. He said I am preparing you. I had to learn to rest while the accuser came through people to make me feel bad about resting.

I started to teach me. He instructed me in praying for people on the streets or on the bus. On Christmas 🎄 there was a mentally ill man on the bus and God said “will you love the least of these even if no one is watching you but me?” Then you’ll understand true love.

I was broken.

I had gone from having a reputation of trying to make it big in my career to being unknown.

When God finally said “go” and minister to those who no one shepherds, in hostels, on the street I encountered the religious spirit in conservative Christians and others.

It was heart wrenching and hurtful to see Christians discredit the Holy Spirit‘s work and power in me just because I wasn’t associated with a church.

“What church are you with?”

I used to answer, I’m with Jesus but now I say I am the church, I’m with Jesus or the church of Jesus Christ.

That is why the Holy Spirit has no power in some people because people don’t believe God is enough for them. They need peoples’ validation and peoples’ affirmation. They need some pastor to tell them “it’s from God” instead of trusting it is God!

They listen to a voice of human authority versus the voice of God.

So when I say “I listen to God’s voice” it’s less valid than if I said “I’m with so and so church?”

Wow.

So if you’re with a church and there is no fruit of the spirit or no power, it’s better?

I would just shake my head inside.

It grieves me still. That people have no real relationship with God but rather enjoy an external appearance of “holiness” by going to church.

Go on then. Live your lie.

I found myself birthing a ministry in the hardest time of my life. I didn’t know how I would survive. I was in South Africa when God said “it’s time to let people know what you’re doing.” I was scared of judgment from religious conservatives.

I had been judged brutally before and now this?

Since then I’ve “turned” a few people but many are still lost in the facade of religion.

I’ve gained the support of many and have created a group for pioneers who are called to an all in lifestyle.

I’ve stayed at many hostels and have experienced more hardship than I’d ever wish on anyone.

But God has also restored unto me-

1. Honor – by people who truly honor and respect who I am

2. Provision- to resource the vision

3. Worth- I’ve learned to value and honor myself instead of waiting for others to honor me

4. Time- God restored time to me

5. Relationships- in the beginning of my journey in finding lost sheep around the world, I had no friend by my side, even emotionally. God was teaching me to rely on Him alone. I did have a friend who would pray for me but I was pioneering new roads and new ways so it was hard for anyone to understand me.

Since then I’ve reconnected with old friends but have gained new friends through my blog as well as on the road.

I had to contact people for financial support and in doing so, I’ve ministered to those who desire to follow Jesus more wholeheartedly.

Since then many have answered Jesus’ true calling for them!!!

Many have quit their jobs, moved, broken off relationships, jumped into what God is calling them to!

Some of the ways your sowing has reaped!

God told me to buy a meal for this worker at the airport. I didn’t know why but after she wrote me a letter and attached it to my suitcase that I asked her to keep for me.

In addition, lately God has also used me to teach giving and breaking off the spirit of lack. One woman God sent me to – He said “ask her for a donation”. She didn’t budge, I said “give me what you have” and I multiplied it back to her.

I shared that in Christ she is enough and not lacking.

The spirit of poverty and lack was really strong in Samoa. I felt that even though a lot of people were Christian, they were only Christian by tradition and didn’t even know they could hear God’s voice or live in His true power!

I encountered religious spirits and a spirit of intimidation through a man who tried to discredit me. But at the end when this woman gave me this letter, I felt so touched.

Sow a seed-

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Huge revelation- God led me to eat with a person at a restaurant and I realized this- friendship isn’t always about agreeing on everything but accepting each other’s differences. God told me to ask him to pay for my meal. A person I just met. He said he’d be willing to pay for part of it. Then later God said to ask for a donation, and he said no. Then God said ask for $5, he said no. Then God said ask for $10, he said no. It was so liberating!

In case you’re wondering how I met him. I saw him at a restaurant and asked if I could sit with him.

I realized in my past friendships I often suppressed how I actually felt out of fear that I would lose them. I got into debt because I was afraid to ask for help, I pretended I was okay when I wasn’t. If I lived the way I do now I would have asked friends to pay instead getting into debt pretending to be okay. And if they said no I would have been honest and said I can’t eat out, etc.

I was rejected and felt abandoned from childhood and because of that in my friendships I was fearful of rejection and became a people pleaser helping everyone else but not knowing how to ask for help.

I felt burdened by other peoples’ problems as I kept listening to them but didn’t know how to voice my own problems.

This journey of following Jesus has helped me to see my worth. I’ve learned to complain when there are tv noises next door, I’ve learned to speak up when I’m not happy with something or can’t sleepy because of a disturbance. Now I check out all the rooms before I choose to stay somewhere. I speak up about everything.

And yes! People have responded in anger at times! They got offended because I spoke up because they thought I was attacking them when in fact I was only speaking my mind. When people have a lense of rejection they think everyone is rejecting them!

People did not like me at times because of my standards. They would say “well it’s loud at hostels or hotels here, just compromise and bear with it”. One time in china I woke up to someone watching porn on their phone! Then many times people leave their notification sound on all night so now I tell people please keep your phone on silent mode.

When you’ve been rejected all your life you feel that you want acceptance from people but when you are accepted by God already, you don’t need anyone’s acceptance.

So now God has me asking people for things so that I won’t ever be afraid to ask. He often says “don’t be afraid to ask, you are enough”.

When I finally ask, and even if they say no, I feel a relief, like I’m not afraid of rejection and I’m not afraid of what people think.

Because sometimes the questions are strange. Like asking someone for $10, then another $10. Or asking someone to buy me a drink or meal. And they might be offended, but part of that is having them confront the fact that maybe they don’t know how to ask for help and maybe they need to learn how to do it without fear of rejection.

Because I am not a burden, I am a gift. I felt that I didn’t ask friends for help because I didn’t want to be a burden- which I felt I was growing up with a single mother. I suppressed my desires to take care of her emotionally. I felt that I couldn’t express how I actually felt because my negative emotions may impact her negatively.

Today I saw three men I saw the other day. God told me to talk to them. I walked up to their table and introduced myself. I told them what I was doing- I said I was a missionary and they said “we are scientists”.

I prayed for each one of them and gave them prophetic words which were accurate. One I said he was in a season of love- he said he just got married!

God then said “ask for a donation” and they said no they didn’t have cash on them.

I walked back to my friend. I could’ve thought, okay I’m not going to talk to these people because I’m here talking to a new friend but that was also breaking off the fear of what the new friend thought.

It was really an incredible night where God revealed all this to me! Amazing!

Sow a seed and give to your breakthrough!

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I was pretty wounded yesterday. Did not feel like opening my heart again. Wanted to leave Samoa. After being called a fake and not from God, I thought, well great this island is rejecting me.

Today I asked the taxi to drop me at the city as I heard go to town. I felt I needed to go to the bus station. At first the taxi driver said there’s only one bus to Savaii. I heard God say I need to go there. He said “I’m going to the wharf later to pick up my aunt, you wait here and I’ll give you a ride”.

How long will you be? I asked.

10 minutes.

20 minutes went by and two taxi drivers ask if I need a ride. They kept saying “he’s busy, might not come back, want a ride? 40 talla”.

I said “God is asking me to wait”.

I kept hearing “wait for him”. He said wait until 11:30am and sure enough he hadn’t shown up but suddenly I noticed a woman. She was waiting for the bus to the wharf and I heard God say “now wait for the bus there’s someone you need to meet”.

God said “sit with her, ask her for a donation”. So I sat next to her. I asked for two talla for the bus, and she asked “you need money?”

Eventually God kept saying “ask for another $10”. She had even given me money to buy water. I didn’t really understand what was happening but she said “it’s the first time a foreigner has asked me for help, but I love God and I love you and I want to help”.

Eventually she had given me $50 talla. Every time I asked I was scared. But I obeyed. Every time she said yes with love.

Then God said “give her $100”. Double what she gave me.

She was shocked.

I said “God was testing you and you passed the test”. God has been doing this a lot to me, where I receive something and I sow it back.

I started crying “thank you for loving me and being willing to help a stranger. You have a good heart. Yesterday someone just told me I was a fraud and didn’t believe my legitimacy”. She started crying and saying her mother just went to the hospital and is sick so I prayed for her mother.

God said “ask for it back”.

I said “can I have it back?” She said yes of course. This kind of went on for awhile where God would ask for a portion of it.

Then God said “go get money from the atm”. Give her $200.

God was multiplying her giving.

He started multiplying but asking for portions of it back. Eventually she had gotten a multiplication of what she gave.

God does this to help others see that they’re not lacking and that whatever you give to Him, He gives back to you. I was so grateful for her heart to love me. She just said “I love you”. I said “me too”. Then she said “let’s go to the bus”. Suddenly I said “I think my job is done here, I was only here for you!”

God also challenges me to do things that are strange so that I’m not afraid of rejection or judgement. He says “you’re doing it for them, for their breakthrough”. God has been using me to redistribute wealth. Just when I receive God asks me to sow generously, then something else comes in.

After I felt led to go to the park, to walk forward.

I found a stool and suddenly God said “sit down for awhile”.

Suddenly I heard a woman yell “hey!”

I looked up and saw a tent full of women. I went and said “I’m hungry!” They said “come eat!”

We ended up fellowshipping, singing and I shared my testimony with them. Again, God asked me to ask them to sow and I did. I prayed and prophesied over them and felt led to give a multiplication back but they said “no we are giving it back to you”.

I’ve been really convicted lately of the verse below. I commissioned them and said that I see you singing on stage in china. I said you are a preacher, you’re a pastor, you’re a missionary, I started speaking destiny over them.

I said “this is the best church I’ve ever gone to”.

I said that God only sees Jesus in you, not blemish or sin. They come from a 7th day Adventist background.

The Holy Spirit moved powerfully today and God always seems to know what I need, even if it’s a motherly figure….even if it’s a mother who would do anything for a stranger, God blessed her back for loving me.

“All the believers were one in heart and mind. No one claimed that any of their possessions was their own, but they shared everything they had. With great power the apostles continued to testify to the resurrection of the Lord Jesus. And God’s grace was so powerfully at work in them all that there were no needy persons among them. For from time to time those who owned land or houses sold them, brought the money from the sales and put it at the apostles’ feet, and it was distributed to anyone who had need” Acts 4

Today I hear God say “would you sow $20 into your breakthrough?”

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When I told them my testimony of trusting God for everything they were blown away. The young man said “I’m so glad we met you”. God is asking us to live on a level of faith we’ve never lived before.

“God I’ve lost one. I’ve lost a sheep.”- I said with tears in my eyes.

“You tried and they made a choice. It’s not your fault”- God.

I see a vision of the sheep running away and going into a dark cave. There evil spirits start filling their minds with lies. The sheep lays down and becomes comfortable. I stand outside, there’s nothing more I can do.

I cannot join the darkness for I am light. I cannot be associated with darkness because it will swallow me. I am one with light.

Yesterday a man I was ministering to started accusing me of being fake, and all these things I didn’t continue reading because it was so toxic.

I woke up feeling traumatized. My hands felt numb and my heart felt frozen. I wanted to shut down and not go outside. Honestly I didn’t care, I wanted to leave Samoa.

People will take your love for granted and they will back stab you. They will allow Satan to fill their minds with lies.

“Don’t stop and don’t allow this to discourage you. Accusations will come from everywhere but stand firm for the end is nearing and the love of many will grow cold”.

You know your heart is pure but not everyone will think so.

An antichrist spirit will come against those who are filled with the Holy Spirit. It will come to discredit you and intimidate you, but don’t give up.

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud…it always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. – 1 Corinthians 13:4-8

God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. –Romans 5:8

People will misunderstand your intentions because of the wounded lenses they wear. Hurt people see life from lenses of pain.

But forgive them, but many have made their choice and you must move on.

God I forgive them for they know not what they do and even if they do-I forgive them because you’ve forgiven them and me.

I know I am loved by you God and no matter how many people reject me or misunderstand me I am following your path alone Jesus!

Sow a seed-

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From Samoa

You are enough

God told me to call my mom and dad so i did. As you know I didn’t grow up with my dad and I tried many times to build a relationship with him.

I called. He didn’t answer. God said call again. Then he said call again.

No answer. I felt rejected. I felt unwanted growing up.

I just hear God say to someone-

“You’ve tried hard enough and it’s not your fault”.

Someone out there reading is thinking that how your parents treated you, or how your husband or wife or ex treated you was your fault but I want to let you know this –

“It’s not your fault”

And you don’t have to punish yourself for other peoples’ inability to love.

I want you to move on and find people who can love the way you love, wholeheartedly.

I was praying and ministering to a girl that seemed like she had gone through a lot and a part of me felt like I had to stay.

I felt that because she was suffering I had to sit there and suffer with her.

Then I realized it was guilt.

Guilty feeling came….that I didn’t seem to be suffering as much as she was.

I know it sounds weird. Why would you feel guilty for being whole and happy?

Well many people feel this way. They feel like they must suffer for other peoples’ sufferings. They must suffer with them.

I am worthy of happiness.

I am worthy of love.

I am enough.

I have to remind myself that I deserve to be happy and I don’t need to feel bad for enjoying myself just because someone out there is feeling abandoned by me.

You’ve tried hard enough. It’s time to let go. It’s not your fault. You deserve your own happiness. You don’t have to feel guilty for wanting to be happy.

You’re not the reason for other peoples’ misery. Forgive yourself.

Sow a seed- would you consider giving to this blog today? $10, 20, 50 any amount helps me continue writing and spreading the love of Jesus around the world!

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Dear Child,

I see your tears. I see your pain and I’m holding you in the palm of my hands. I know you’ve been betrayed, wrecked, abused, but I’m here and my love is sufficient for you.

I’m a good Father. You can trust me.

Dear Father,

Then why did you let this happen.

Dear child,

People are evil and are broken. Broken people hurt people.

But my love is sufficient and can heal all wounds.

Come out dear child. You can come out of the cave. Come out come out.

I think maybe I’m done loving or feeling the pain. But God says- keep loving, keep allowing your heart to be broken and open.

I found myself holding hands and crying with people in the last couple weeks. Pain and grief.

God has opened a new door to the new season. He is saying “come out and don’t be afraid”. I want you to come out and not hide anymore emotionally.

Love again, speak again, sing again.

Are you willing to love again?

Release disappointment, release unforgiveness and bitterness and come out of hiding.

It’s time to speak your truth.

Writing from Samoa

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