We cannot truly relay God’s heart of love if we don’t understand the Father’s heart for you. Today God told me to go to the zoo and immediately I saw a penny machine.
This couple came to the machine as well to create their penny. The guy asked if I needed quarters and he gave me some. He said he would stay and help me make one. He showed me how to do it and waited for me.
When they left I started crying. I went to the bathroom and started sobbing. Something so simple seemed huge to me.
I don’t remember the last time my mom showed me how to do anything. Because she was a single mom she was often out working and I learned to do things on my own at an early age.
Maybe around 6 years old I’d be home alone.
Recently I’ve felt a lot of pain from my experiences on the road, I recalled the times of rejection and hardships trusting God for the finances and resources. I felt a lot of fear but I learned to trust God.
I learned to trust Him as my father.
There was no emotional or financial support growing up, so I learned to be independent.
I also felt tired of asking for help. I felt tired of taking initiative and I feel like God is calling me to rest and to wait on Him. Because last season was full of initiative. It was a season where God pushed me off the edge and caused me to fly and sit on His wings.
But it was still scary. I feel like my heart needs solace and rest to just recover a little.
Today I expressed to a woman I’ve been writing that I felt exhausted that on top of ministry I had to explain myself to her. I told her about the story today and said “I realize the Father’s heart is to give and He does not require an explanation or right doing- His heart freely gives without you needing to prove yourself or earn it”.
That’s the key.
Most Christians think that God is out to punish them- no.
God is a good Father, His heart’s intention is to love and give. That is all.
When we start to believe that we need to earn His approval, we’re forgetting Jesus’ sacrifice already redeemed us and He adopted us as sons and daughters. He already paid the punishment for our imperfections.
There is no room for punishment, judgment or rejection.
There were times God asked me to ask my mom for help and even though she would, she would make me feel guilty about it.
I understand that it comes out of her own fear of lack.
And I know God is using all this to break off the fear of lack.
Did you grow up with parents that were loving or demanded performance or good behavior in exchange for reward?
Psalm 34:7-10 For the angel of the LORD is a guard; he surrounds and defends all who fear him. Taste and see that the LORD is good. Oh, the joys of those who take refuge in Him! Fear the LORD, you his godly people, for those who fear him will have all they need. Even strong young lions sometimes go hungry, but those who trust in the LORD will lack no good thing.