I am completely overtaken with love.

This time I feel possessed with the spirit, captured, drunken with love. I was so heavy with burden, laden with grief, like a widow who lost her husband, her kids.

I cried in comedies even. I finally understand my journey and why I went through such a wilderness. The last two nights I felt a passion and courage I’ve never felt before.

I felt a joy I haven’t felt in ages, I am standing up on the inside, I am dancing on the outside. I am high off of spirit and I’m burdened with love and there is something I’m imparting soon. I am focused, no longer distracted with other peoples’ fears.

Where the spirit is there is liberty. So I was purified of fear, because spirit cannot overtake you if fear is within you. But when spirit overtakes you, it is no longer you dancing, it is spirit dancing, it is spirit writing, it is spirit speaking through you.

That’s why they say the greatest talents on earth are godlike, because God has overtaken their abilities and it is no longer striving, it is being, resting in spirit of God.

  
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Hmmm how can I say this, it’s been a contemplative month since I’ve come back from traveling. I’m coming into my own and seeing the light in me. It’s brighter than I’ve ever felt it.

I used to go to these fancy events and felt less than, as though I had to prove myself and yesterday I really felt my light shine. I remember this one guy who was so intrigued by my lifestyle, kept asking me questions, which is all good, but you can’t get to know me in a few minutes. The words that came out of my mouth was new, fresh. Because I usually don’t even talk out loud unless I have to, unless I am speaking with purpose.

He asked for my social media following, my blog subscribers, facebook, and yes, I quoted them, hmmm well 1k for instagram isn’t so high…and I said “I’m about quality, not quantity…I’m not here looking for people to approve of me or what I have to say, I know what I have to give to the world is of value, I know who I am”. 

Then I had a conversation with an up and coming rapper about the same thing. I said “you gotta know who you are, you got to have a strong spiritual sense of self before you go out there, you gotta know that your worth does not come from someone in a corporation approving you”. 

In fact, I will say no to working with people who aren’t aligned with MY vision, it’s my life after all.

I’m grateful, beyond words.

One of the best things I’ve done for myself is to forgive myself. But also to forgive the closest people in my life, for a long time it was my dad…for not being there for me. I took the last month of my journey to really spend time with my dad in Taiwan. For the first time in his life, it has snowed in Taiwan. Taiwan also has a new president.

I’m turning 28 on February 11 and it has been a hell of a journey. As I look back on the photos of going to Thailand, Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, and Taiwan, I am just in awe of the divine connections I’ve made, the lifetime friendships I’ve made.

I am filled with gratitude.

I lived with so much apprehension and fear when I left. There was a huge paycheck that was intended to be used for my trip, that fell through (and there was no way I could chase it down being so far away). I had to let go and trust the process. I left with a very small amount for such a big trip- a trip that meant simply following the spirit and seeing where God would lead me. 

I didn’t have any plans, I knew that I had a few countries in my mind. Vietnam because I love pho. Bali because of Eat Pray and Love. Taiwan because I wanted to spend time with my dad.

But little did I know what the trip would look like….and maybe if I had known I’d never have taken that step. The truth is the whole trip was meant to heal my heart. And I’ll be journeying my whole life, I’ll go where spirit leads me. 

Thailand flew by. Vietnam came and went. I made life time friends. I saw a new friend of mine get hit by a car right in front of my eyes after a late night out. It was such a shock to both of us, she was okay but it really opened my eyes to the fact that travel could be life and death. 

I also made friends that I thought I’d be best friends forever and within the next month, she had become co-dependent to the point I had to unfriend her and cut her off for my own well- being.

Many times I didn’t know where I was going to sleep the night of….it was scary sometimes. Sometimes I would just trust the process, trust that God had something in mind and I can say that after 6 months, God has never lied to me. 

I’ve been stranded on islands, seen God do the most miraculous things through STRANGERS. I’ve met strangers at clubs that basically picked me up from the train station and hosted me the very next day. I was showered with provision.

In Bali, I got into a moped accident, not what I planned yet again. I had feelings for sweethearts, I’ve confronted them, I’ve wept and had breakdowns in front of people I’ve met 3 days ago…leading us to talk deeply about our lives.

I’ve cried an awful lot, but again the journey started years ago…

Years ago, when I tried to put my life together in a neat respectable box and realized that I needed to live in grace instead. That it’s better to vulnerable, it’s better to be authentic, it’s better to be loved than to be strong, it’s better to love than to be perfect. 

I also didn’t think I’d get my belly pierced.

I have so much to share with the world and I’m just waiting for the right time and the right platform which will come at the perfect aligned time.

So I continue to trust, as I see my life unfold into a beautiful painting of love.

In my 27 years of living, I went from hating men to loving them. I went from thinking all men were the same to loving them as individuals, sons of God. 

The first time I really saw men as equal to me was when I made an equally stupid mistake in my own life that I hated some men for. That’s when I realized that I’m human too. I’m the same, humans are all capable of making mistakes. None of us are perfect. 

Anyways- this weekend my dad told me that a relative killed himself because he became jobless and his wife (a mail order bride) said he was useless, like trash because he had no income. 

That drove him to deeper depression and he ended up hanging himself on a tree. 

My dad also vented about how his wife yells at him everyday. 

Yes there probably are just reasons for it but I wonder how relationships are a two way street. 

Men want respect and women want the security of knowing they are loved. 

Women sometimes are unable to get that security and the disrespect happens. It goes both ways. 

But it made me wonder….though feminists are always saying men have not treated women equally…are women treating loving themselves to begin with?  Are we accepting less than, have we remained quiet when injustice happens to us, do we let others step on our boundaries, do we continue to accept the kind of treatment that a man who does not love himself will induce? 

And are the acts of violence that is spewed through words enough to kill a man on the inside? 

So I wonder could we love men by seeing the limitless spirit they are and encouraging them with words? 

Because aren’t we all human? Imperfect? 

And maybe if more women could see the gifts inside men, could we create a cycle of love? Because when men are loved for who they are, maybe their manliness comes out, the hero comes out, the responsible one comes out, the adventurous defender comes out. 

Just maybe. 

Because words are powerful, life changing. 

Choose positive ones. 

Even when you talk to yourself. Encourage your heart.  Because it’s not about blame, but how can we positively change the world? 

Taiwan