Today I was talking to a homeless teen who was outside CVS and she asked me if I wanted to drink, I said I’m okay. Then this man came out of CVS and strictly said if the police found her drinking outside CVS, she would be put in prison and basically to stop. He said the company would get in trouble because they sell alcohol.
I felt really sad after because the man just looked at the condition of her drinking outside, but not at her heart.
Because as I was praying for her broken leg, I felt that she had a lot of shame. I said that God loves her very much and there is no need to feel shame.
After I went for a walk to process my emotions and it was a lot. I’ve been back in Los Angeles for almost a week, and I definitely feel different from 5 months ago. After leaving my dad, coming back to LA felt so sad, I felt that a huge support had been taken away from me.
The truth is, sometimes I feel very alone in my journey of following the spirit. I’m at my wits end a lot of the times, because I’m led to do things that are crazy, unconventional, wild, scary, and I feel alone a lot of times. I know there are others like me who will stop at the end of the world in following spirit, but I feel like there needs to be more people next to me.
The truth is, following your heart is not an easy thing. The biggest hurdle is getting over what people think, like when I’m talking out loud walking on the street, that must look crazy. But I feel more at peace than I’ve ever felt.
I want to stand on the authenticity of my true feelings. Everyday.
I know I’m not the only one, but even after conversations with friends and I’m standing on the street with a bag on my back, I question myself sometimes.
And sometimes you just have no idea where you’re going but you have to trust completely with no reserves.
Because even though it looks like I’m living a joyous carefree lifestyle, I’m actually living in intentionality, following every instruction which spirit beckons me, to a life of freedom and abandon, a life that has no boundaries of fear, limitation, judgment, brokenness or unforgiveness.
And so when we see human beings I hope we look into peoples’ hearts and not their symptoms…if its addiction, alcoholism, violence, brokenness, somewhere deeper there is a heart which longs for love, and so sometimes its unworthiness, the lie of not being enough…there is always more in there.
Even if they are the perpetrators of pain, they are more broken than we think. But at the end of the day, when they come into awareness, they are also responsible for their own pain…if they choose not to get help.
And so we can lie our whole lives and say we are okay, or we can humble ourselves and say, I don’t know, I’m just a human being and sometimes I’d like some help, sometimes I’d like to be encouraged, sometimes I’d like to know I’m not the only one.
You’re not alone.