I grew up with a mother that was always critical and yelling. I put aside my own emotions and suppressed my own emotions of anger and sadness to create space for her mood swings. My dad was physically and emotionally absent.
Here are signs that you did not grow up with a safe family:
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- You are scared to speak up for yourself
- You try to please everyone
- You try to please your parents and you don’t say what’s on your mind
- You neglect your own emotions
- You think it is your fault when someone is angry and you try to do everything to make them happy
- You don’t know what you want, you have neglected your own desires to cater to other peoples’ desires
- You don’t know how to say no and you spend time with people who try to manipulate you or force you to do things you don’t want to do
These are all issues I’ve learned to OVERCOME because of the power of Jesus. He has repeatedly told me to do things that CAUSED me to face rejection, “displease” others, and trigger others but HELPED me to OVERCOME any fear of peoples’ responses. In this way, I have become totally myself and not live for other peoples’ approval.
What is a safe person?
- They are honest about how they feel and they can bring their truth to the table
- If you tell them the truth, they may need time to heal but they can come back and be honest with you about how they feel
- They embrace your emotions and validate them, not push them away or tell you to “grow up”. They allow you to cry and be angry.
- They are gentle with your emotions, they love you through your journey but they also tell you the truth if they aren’t able to be emotionally present
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Rebekka Lien 