How I Learned To Set Boundaries Growing Up With An Emotionally Invasive Mother and Absent/Alcoholic Father

When I was younger I often listened to people vent without actually having conversations with people. They didn’t care what I had to say. My mother was like that, she didn’t care about having a conversation, she was basically venting. My dad was an avoidant person. My mom would yell at him, for cheating and he wouldn’t say anything back.

So I often found myself incapable of knowing how to speak up to someone who was an alcoholic or addict, because they were so out of it and knowing how to speak to people like my mom who didn’t want a response.

I used to stay in uncomfortable situations because it reminded me of my dad being drunk and how uncomfortable. I tolerated bad behavior because I was used to it. Even though I did not see my dad a lot, probably once in 2-3 years, I allowed him to be how he was because I could not change him.

I realized that I didn’t need to allow people to make me feel uncomfortable in order to “love them”, that I needed to set physical and emotional boundaries to protect myself.