the truth will set you free but it’s not always easy to hear 

Because it exposes the untruth, the unsettling feeling that we are not yet there yet 

But in reality we are already there, arriving is when my soul leaves my body at the point of death so I am traveling until the day I die. 

There is no such thing as stability except in the heart

Today my stomach is grumbling because I have let go and believing, I arrive. 

I remember who I am when I believe

Fear feeds the ego and arriving, I am only spirit 

  
Today I choose to let go of what people think of me, what I think of myself or judgement. I receive unlimited blessings and provision in spiritual, emotion and materially.

I now speak life to my spirit and create a spiritual protection over my thoughts and heart so no ill intentioned, manipulative being can touch the purity of my heart. 

I release what is no longer mine and what is mine, I receive with gratitude. 

In Jesus name amen 

My Teeraya family!    
  Sheree and I  
Hair twins 

10 days ago I came to Chiangmai sad to leave the boys in Bangkok, 10 days later I’ve walked away from a soul sister who sees the gift in me as I prayed for. My luggage is lighter, I’ve given away things but also bought things I like. 

In 10 days I learned the power of light in darkness, how darkness seeks to diminish the light but has no real power. 

Seeing my friend get hit by a car right in front of my eyes shocked my whole heart. I couldn’t sleep for several hours as I replayed the event. It could have been me, we could have both died, but somehow we were saved and a whole pack of people came running out of the back of a bar ready to help.

I used to have friends that were playful, we would go clubbing together, spend nights talking and drinking wine with Cheetos. I closed my heart when I lost them and felt that I could never find like minded friends again, who shared the faith and the play. 

I’ve been recovering the loss ever since. 

In a sense, I’ve learned to set boundaries but I’ve also learned to cherish my own heart. Today as I got on to the tuk-tuk, I couldn’t help but weep. I had the best 6 days with an amazing soul. We rode a moped out of the city, rode under a bridge with pot holes (imagine a scary movie), found a restaurant by the lake, danced the night away, talked about the purpose of healing our hearts- being a positive light in this world, seeing symbolism in things, even envisioning me with a private jet, a black outfit and heels saying “jump in baby!!”

We had lots of inside jokes such as “you want elephant tour??” 

And remembering how I would say “you’re so pretty” to a Thai lady and she saying back to me “yah, ok, goodnight” instead of “thank you”. 

Perhaps it is truly knowing that your time with each other isn’t forever as we live, but that you shared something special in the realm of traveling in a foreign country that makes the moments last forever.

I traveled from Los Angeles, she traveled from Melbourne, we met in Thailand. We were strangers before, me in the pool, her smoking her cigarette. Our worlds collided, our friendship arose out of our individual ashes of the past and helped to begin our new journeys into the new future. 

My work is done in Chiang Mai, I’ve met my appointed encounter. Now I travel to Surat Thani, I am currently on a 13 hour train to Bangkok, then I’ll get on another train to Surat Thani.

Then I’ll decide as I follow spirit. 

I switched to another hostel since I’ve been in Chiangmai. 

I was hoping for more like minded friends and met this Australian girl who has very similar mindset…and we talked about sitting with a feeling.

I’m learning to accept and love myself even when I don’t feel so swell. 

Life is a big dance, we can either live in the past or keep creating new moves…without much thought but really loving the moment. 

The big transition I’ve been feeling is not knowing where and when I’ll go next- but isn’t life like that? 

Never certain but we shall dance. 

    

  Ok don’t kill me, I know it’s not ethically sound…but I can’t fork out 4,000 baht the type of ethical tour that those girls who travel recommend. Plus I had the time of my life river rafting, apparently the sanctuary tour was not so great according to the other Americans.

I rode on its back with a rope to hold onto. Now my crotch hurts. 

I joined a group, two Chinese women and their kids. The lady kept forcing her 3 year old child to eat the whole plate of pad Thai and I just had the worse flashbacks of sitting at the table until I was done eating…this usually took an hour while my mom took a nap.

She also kept saying “hurry!!!”

Geez lady you’re on a fucking vacation, chill the fuck out.

This 3 year old I hope will not be forced into a striving lifestyle….it took me years to break out of. Now I live in grace and ease…or try anyway to receive the plentitude of rest the divine has for me.

I had to step away from this aura. 

I’ve made many acquaintances here and am getting to know the locals here, but no one who thinks on my level of depth…I am grateful for my friends. 

  

Yes this is obvious. 

I’d like to write a bit about why I don’t see things the way a lot of tourists see things here. First of all, I’m not white. I understand Asian culture as I’m Asian, the way the see farangs, it’s the money. Ok yes they might truly be nice but the whole city is made for tourists. 

Then because I look Thai, I get the most disgusting stares from white men.

Yes, men who are looking for prostitutes.

Which makes me even more uncomfortable because i am in between being a traveler and being a young attractive women. 

Men in the states would not dare look at me like that. It’s rude. 

And I am not look for debates, I am being honest with how I feel. 

  

Well I’ve been having intense dreams the last few days, witches and serpents, doomsday ones. Today I felt led to a nail salon in the red light district, I can’t even remember the street but I know it’s on the way to the night market.

Adam is a white Australian man, his girlfriend is Two, the most amazing nail artist ever! Well, I was blessed with finding out about 

Chiangmaiwanderings.com 

It’s amazing how you can get to know a person through their blog. I’m a bit addicted to this blog and hopefully I can read every post. It’s about the red light district from Adam’s point of view….it’s most things tourists don’t know. I learn today that a Gik is like a side girl, and if you’re a foreigner with money you’re allowed to have many. 

Oh and I also noticed white guys here have this really annoying douche bag strut, like they’re bros or something.

Why????

Check out Two Beautiful Nails on Facebook!!!    
  I am loving the Thai babies here, so cute!!!  
I’m becoming a Thai local, yesterday I got invited to karaoke with the nail ladies because they taught me how to say “man me fan” which means I’m single or no boyfriend. 

Apparently it’s normal for people to party every night. I haven’t even had a beer in Chiangmai. 

Xoxo Bex 

After a 38 hour journey to Bangkok, 1 layover in Tokyo and one in Singapore, I finally arrived..and thank God with ease. Both airports had wifi so researching how to get to my hostel was easy as pie.

It’s about 3 am and I woke at 2:11am, my birthday. God is thinking of me, spirit says I know the day you were born. Breathe. 

Sometimes we leave a place with things still hanging, because perhaps it’s out of our control. Maybe it’s not how we wanted to leave and begin but maybe it’s a deepening of faith and trust. All things are possible. 

Singapore local food    
  Guay chap – above, pig blood and 

 Duck minced salad below   
An exotic fruit that is similar to lychee 

Breathe 

Let go, let your heart run wild

Because you are divine. 
  

I’m leaving tomorrow. It’s been a bit hectic but it’s coming together.

Shout out to RealTree for sponsoring my travel gears!!

I’m RealTree-Ed out!

 (Clapping) 

Lights dim. 

O- now tell me, you said Thailand was your absolutely turning point? 

R- yes, Oprah, I had been self employed for 4 years and gosh, it was tough. I had to rely on God the whole way. I moved 3-4 times on top of the billionth times I’ve moved in my life. Didn’t see my dad for 10 years. I did not have support from my family, I started a few business ventures but was constantly jumping off the cliff into absolute risk. But I had faith. It was a financial struggle, it was a faith journey, it was becoming whole on the inside. 

I left everything. I sold my furniture, my apartment. I found what I wanted to live for and it wasn’t the accumulation of stuff. I wanted to live for love, for peoples’ healing and God had always been the perfect friend…I could go anywhere because I no longer needed peoples’ approval, acceptance. Neither did I care about status or fame. 

For me, it’s the instant when you tell your story and people say “wow I’m not the only one. Now I have courage to heal and live my dreams”. That’s what I live for. 

O- wow. 

R- I remember writing a blog post about our interview in 2015. 

O- yes so is it kind of like law of attraction? 

R- yes. You see it’s visualization but people don’t understand that when you imagine, you have created. There is no mistake about it. Our minds create our life. 

O- we will come back to talk after the commercial. 

Clapping.