Sometimes I feel forgotten, many times in my life I felt disappointed with empty promises and I felt that I needed to trust myself alone…yesterday I had a dream that I was my birthday and there were no gifts. I felt devastated. Then these two best guy friends asked me to prom.

I’m in a season of waiting for my long awaited promises and my heart is running dry. 

I ask God – what would you do? Since I know 5 years of the year that the bamboo grows to infinite levels…he said “love yourself so deeply that none can invade your being”. 

Like that German girl downstairs who is frantically looking for a place to go next. And here I am lying in bed resting.

God hasn’t forgotten you or me; but sometimes it feels that way doesn’t it? 

Be patient, the best will come.  

 

people post all these amazing hd pictures but they really don’t tell you that when you get your period the same day you have to take a flight to some hot ass country and you are sweating your weight off, that it can suck. 

Especially when you enter your hostel room and it’s like you’re entering an oven. 

In those moments I remember being. 

That I am being refined like a pottery, literally. 

Today I did tell the manager and someone is trying to fix the ac….taking matters into my hand. I’ve done that so many times on this trip…

Where am I going and who am I? That’s the greater question. 

The back alleys of Hanoi 

I love dilapidated buildings    
    
    
   

Learn how to say coffee, milk and sugar in Vietnamese 

Because if you don’t know how they will not add milk or sugar to your coffee and it’ll be so intense you’ll get a head rush. 

Some coffee shops will give you tea along with your coffee…   

Speaking of animals- 

Dogs walk freely in most of Southeast Asia.

They don’t bite either. But don’t touch them because it might be dirty. 

   
    
 
Oops caught this dog in action 

My beautiful couchsurfing host:   

 

The God of love who is love 

That is my radical 4:11

No not an ancient mythology, not rites of action and sacrifice, no, a radical love which stirs my spirit to sing and dance; which causes my soul to cry and forgive; which causes love for my own depraved soul to rise again 

A God who became imperfection to die for humanity. That is my radical passionate love. Who shows me I am God material, more powerful and abundant than I’ve ever known.

My radical passionate love knows me from the inside out; built my Dna to create fine works of art, to speak multiple languages, to feel compassion for an orphaned child; my radical love causes me to see heaven before I’ve even died to see the grave, no it’s no ancient love, it’s a passionate pursuit.  

 

Well on earth anyways.

So say what you mean, mean what you say, do what you want, when you want to, work the jobs you want, create the things you want, eat the food you want, love the people you want, like and hang out with people you actually care for, don’t hang out with people you don’t like, go where you want, write and draw what you want; be how you want.

Vietnam   

You are my closest friend 

My deepest hope, my light in darkness 

You are.

Even when my heart feels dry, you keep me going. 

 

Here is the honest truth, I started blogging because I needed to vent and it started with xanga. So it’s been awhile, I’ve been blogging since teenage acne and even middle school crushes. 

I don’t give a fuck about what people think. 

Now I started blogging or doing reviews because I love food, and I’ve written for newspapers and magazines on subjects I am passionate about, but otherwise, I can’t blog or write when I’m not in the mood.

So here’s me chilling with cane sugar in Vietnam 

I got asked by a lot of Thai people- where are you from?

I said Los Angeles.

But you look Chinese, well yes, I am of Chinese descent and also I was born in Germany. 

It got a little annoying- then I thought well there’s white people who were born in Asia too, but it’s a little bit rare.

Then I thought wait a minute all these Caucasians are lounging in Southeast Asia and they are treated like gods because they will pay for the mohjitos, the monkey blowjobs, the ping pong shows…

But how about non- Caucasians in caucasian countries? They’re not called expats, they’re immigrants or refugees who are “taking advantage of the system”. 

Hmmmm.

Interesting thought.  

  

I used to go to everything, the networking events, the events with free food and swag bags. Who knows who I might meet? 

Now I’d rather meet myself because I no longer think I’m less than…I approve of myself and my thoughts, I love enjoying what I love to do when I love to do it. 

I’ve had the pleasure of saying no a few times this week. When you’re traveling you’re often invited to do things with people and quite frankly there are many who are afraid to be alone or have a fear of missing out on – the islands, the sites…people travel like they’re working. 

Well, no sorry. Even back home I don’t believe in striving. Being. 

  

I’m leaving Thailand soon and heading to Vietnam. Many people think I’m on vacation but actually I’ve chosen travel as a lifestyle and a journey of love. I’m still dealing with things back in La and to be honest my faith is running low. I didn’t come out here with all things set in place, I came out on a limb….with faith, not knowing, not having security or stability externally.

Why am I here, what’s the purpose, what’s life’s purpose, who am I – why this why that? These are questions I ask myself and for almost a month, I’ve lived in these mysteries. 

So yes I am feeling lost but holding on. 

I can only believe.